Friday, 23 April 2010

Sell By Date / Best Before

Today started earlier than normal as Tyson was pacing the Landing. She is 7 months old and whilst SIT, STAY and BITE THE SCROUNGER are commands that she understands well "just hold on until the alarm goes at 7" isn't one of the current KC Puppy Training objectives.

In my sleepy state I therefore weighed the options of a) cleaning up dog pee or b) putting on a dressing gown and standing in the garden whilst she relieves herself.

I took option c and gave the other 30% a nudge. You may remember that I am a lark and she is an owl so a minute or so later I'm stunned by her witty early morning repartee and am unlocking the door and letting Tyson and Marauder out. Oh what fun we had charging round the lawn especially as we managed to find a mouse carcass that one of the cats had rejected for whatever reason. Do you know we all scampered round for a good ten minutes, all of us wanting a piece of the action before sense prevailed and we left it on the step and retired to bed for another hour before the alarm chimed.

On school days I get up at 7 so that TP does all that is necessary to get to school on time. To be fair he is good at getting up just as long as he is actually woken at 7. To achieve this I knock and call and to be doubly sure I accidentally let Tyson and Marauder in to his bedroom. They then pounce excitedly on to his bed and try to eat his face. This seems to work and I'd recommend it to any parent. I work on the principal that he loves the Staffies as much if not more than me so it stands to reason that it is an absolute delight to start the day with them. They are a bit like Chris Evans but brighter, funnier and more original.

Today I thought I'd write about "Sell by Date" or SBD for short. Anyone giving this far too much scrutiny will have noticed that I have mentioned three dogs but only talked about Tyson and Marauder in the "Does My Dog Need an Alias" post. SBD is Dog number 1. He is an aging beast who has reached the ripe old age of 12. The other 30% had him long before we got together so he is very much a one-woman dog. To be fare he has a lovely nature but he is very slobbery, very old and sheds hair like yak with alopecia.

He is referred to as SBD because his Breeder is on record as saying that if they (the breed) get past 10 you are doing well. He is therefore well past his Sell-By-Date. As I have said, SBD has a lovely nature but is definitely the other 30%'s dog. We have never really bonded - me and SBD, not me and 30% - and I am sure that he plans to outlive me just to spite me.

He may be spending to much time with the lawn mower!

SBD is in his dotage and spends his days lying by a radiator farting. I frequently work from home and unfortunately his radiator of choice is immediately behind me - see - he is in league with the lawn mower. He has the occasional walk - but that is usually just out to see how much damage he can do to the lawn.

Tyson arrived at the Pile late last year - she was, I suppose, a replacement for SBD but her presence seems to have rejuvenated him and I caught him making some long term investments with his broker which has me worried. Tyson became devoted to SBD - I've just noticed that SBD is also "silent but deadly" no - its not clever writing - just a coincidence. As a result of this devotion 30% was concerned about how Tyson would respond when SBD goes off to cock his leg in some Elysian Fields.

As a result, just as Tyson had reached the point where she no longer peed, or worse, on the floor, we got Marauder as company. This is how you ensure that you extend the pleasure of puppy toilet training for an extra 10 weeks. Tyson decided to revert just so Marauder didn't get a complex. I'm glad we have mostly stone and wooden flooring because there were days when the magic just didnt stop

Kitchen Roll and Disinfectant manufacturers have had a bumper period and were not as badly impacted by the recession as Robert Peston originally thought.

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