An Arsehole

 So, yesterday's Journal Entry was about Whiffler's arse cancer. Today's entry is about an arsehole.

Both 30% and her nephew, Oswald celebrate their birthdays in the first week of April.  30%'s brother always arranges a joint party as an excuse for a family get-together, and today was the day. 

The little gathering was fine. A great spread was laid on the table and Oswald was engrossed with his cards and gifts.  The family assembled and pleasantries were exchanged.

Everything was as agreeable as it could be considering the fifty two year age difference of the birthday girl and boy, and the very cramped conditions of the venue.  

Everything was agreeable until the black sheep of the family turned up ... 30%'s half sister.  Now I could go on for several pages about what a complete waste of fucking skin this individual is, but I will simply record one of her utterances that shows what a fucked up parasite she really is.

She was bemoaning the fact that her upcoming hip replacement will mean that her benefits are likely to be reduced, and went on to tell us exactly how much she manages to extract in benefits. The taxpayers among us were horrified when she announced that she had received a back payment of several thousand pounds in sickness benefit and advised that, "she had worked hard for that money."

Basically the lazy bitch's definition of working hard is filling in a few forms and blagging about her health.  Her poor health that is a result of years alcohol and drug abuse.

She's not an arsehole, she's a cunt!

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* She can still go to the gym regularly and seems to exhibit no mobility issues.

Arse Cancer

It is a joke in this house that any extremely irritating, and I mean EXTREMELY IRRITATING, person may be cursed with arse cancer.  Obviously this is not a serious wish, but just a way of reducing the level of extreme annoyance that some people trigger.  I can't think of anyone at the moment, but I am sure that if I thought hard enough I might find a global political figure towards whom this curse might be appropriate to launch.

This ridiculous and, possibly, bad taste joke came about when I was suspected of having prostate cancer last year. I know that it is a urogenital condition, but we all know how it is initially diagnosed. So, for a few weeks in 2025 I had a potential case of arse cancer.

So why am I rambling on about this today?

Well, this morning we took Whiffler down to the Vets for a follow-up consultation.  The Vet showed us his blood results, and all were perfect, apart from a very high calcium level ... a clear indicator of certain cancers.

She had suspected that it might be an anal gland tumour, and had emptied his anal glands last week. She re-checked today and thought she could feel a small lump. A colleague came in and confirmed the diagnosis, so there we have it ... Whiffler has arse cancer.

We discussed the two alternatives; palliative care, or surgery to remove the gland. In consideration of his age, the Vet agreed that either was appropriate, suggesting that he might have six months with palliative care, and maybe two years if the surgery was performed ... provided he had no other health issues.*

We went home to think about it, having been advised that any surgery should be performed promptly.**

It didn't take us long to decide that he should have the operation and he is booked in for the ninth of April.  We are well aware that he will probably only be with us for another year, at best, but he is still alert and moves well.  Removal of his anal gland is a straightforward procedure and will mean and end to the current symptoms.

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* He is already showing signs of arthritis, but is still moving well, and there are effective pain medications.

** We were also given an estimate of £750 for the surgery

Stump Removal, Phase 2

Hobson and Whiffler were booked in for a bath and clip today, so 30% headed off to drop them off with Sarah* just after breakfast.

I headed out for my usual walk, but this time I took Traitorous Bastard and The Rat.  I have to report that The Rat throughly enjoyed her excursion, but is nowhere near as well behaved as Hobson or TB.  She charges around like a thing possessed, and pays scant regard to requests to heel or come back.  It is fair to say that she had a great walk and even attempted to engage in play with TB.  TB was quite bemused by this.

In the afternoon I executed phase 2 of my stump removal project.  I took much the same approach as I did for phase 1.  I peeled back the turf and excavated the soil to expose the roots. On this occasion I encountered a couple of lateral roots that were far too large to be chopped out with an axe, and, after clearing away the soil, I broke out the chainsaw to cut them away from the stump. One was the size of my thigh and about 5' long. The other was slightly smaller, but still worthy of the Stihl.

I can report that another square yard of the root wad has been removed and I am now able to see a slight improvement in that area of the garden.**

30% collected Whiffler and Hobson in the afternoon. I can report that they both look splendid, but poor Whiffler was absolutely shattered after his day out.

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* Dot 'n Dave's daughter-in-law

** I've tried to turn a blind eye to the stump and root wad. It's a bloody eyesore, but I'm well aware that there are more important jobs to attend to.  Now I've started I'm very keen to progress and get it sorted.

Getting our ducks in a row

TP will be here at some point over the weekend and this is both welcome, and convenient.  Welcome, because we enjoy his company and are keen to catch up with his latest news, and convenient because I have two very heavy wooden gates that need to be turned around, so that I can oil the reverse sides.  We can then think about getting their installation arranged.

With TP arriving in a few days, today my focus was on applying the second and final coat of oil to the second gate.  I can report that this has now been completed, and I'm hoping that the gate should be dry by the time he turns up.

I also wandered up to the hives and added a pack of fondant to hives #2 and #3.  I still haven't performed a full inspection of the colonies yet.  I plan to do this during the next spell of warm weather. I can see that the queens are now busy building up the colonies, and I'm wondering how soon it will be before I'm adding queen excluders and supers.

Tree Stump Removal, Phase 1

Now that the grass has started growing, I am, again, having to manoeuvre the mower around the stump and root wad of the conifer that blew over during Storm Darragh.  

The stump and root wad is quite a feature in the front lawn ... an unwelcome feature.*  It needs to be dug out, but last year I focused on processing the trunk, branches and brash, leaving the stump for another day.

I think that day has finally arrived.

I am conscious that my back is playing up, and have decided that I am going to approach this job in small stages. Today I planned to peel back the turf from about a square yard of the root wad, cut out any roots projecting from the stump, level out the earth with the surrounding lawn, and relay the turf.

30% wisely suggested that I walk the dogs in the morning. I could then attack the root wad in the afternoon and then collapse on the sofa to recover.  I followed her advice and this afternoon saw me out on the lawn with a spade, and axe and a mattock.

I am pleased to report that the lawn feature is somewhat reduced in size, and the improvement has already got me planning phase two of this garden project ... I reckon phase four will be the stump grinder!

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* When the tree blew over it lifted about three square yards of lawn around the stump.  As the trunk was cut away, the root wad settled, but sits about a foot above the level of the lawn. Basically I have to dig out a large amount of earth, chop away any roots projecting from the stump, and level out the ground.  The final stage will be to hire a stump grinder to deal with the stump.

A lazy day

Yesterday's theatre trip meant that we didn't get home until close to midnight. Combining that with the loss of an hour, as a result of the transition to BST, meant that we both lacked energy and motivation today.

I did manage a walk in the afternoon, followed by a monumental kip, but that was about it.

Most definitely a lazy day.

A night at the theatre

A good chunk of today was spent bottling a couple of batches of honey, from the bucket I bought yesterday.

This last batch, from Pete, is a late Summer crop from 2025, and has set with a very coarse crystal structure. It is also incredibly sweet, and floral, compared to the previous buckets. It'll be interesting to see whether anyone comments on the change in flavour.

I can also report that the change in price hasn't seemed to dampen custom, as two jars were sold this morning at the new price.

In the afternoon I took my usual walk with the dogs and am slightly saddened to note that we have lost two of the Crested Cream Legbar hens today. Both seem to have been subject to feather pecking by the other birds. This is common, and they were clearly at the bottom of our little flock's pecking order.  30% and I plan to increase the size of the hen's run, in the hope that it will reduce the amount of bullying that takes place.

I can also report that we had a late night. 'Chelle joined us for an evening at The Hippodrome in Birmingham.  We went to see a performance of Priscilla Queen of The Desert, and had a fantastic time. It was the same show as the amateur production that we saw in Pershore back in 2024, but, obviously, performed by a different cast and production team. 

Both were brilliant, but I have to say that if I had to make a choice, I preferred the intimacy and joy of the PODS production. Its moments of madness were an absolute delight.

I've been expecting this

It is now almost two years since I first started to buy bulk honey from Pete, and resell it under my own branding.  I'm guessing that I have purchased a 30 lb bucket every six weeks, apart from the five or six months when I was selling the 125 lb crop I took at the end of May 2025. 

I suppose that I could search through previous Journal entries to come to a precise number of buckets, but that sounds like far too much trouble. Suffice to say, I am certain that I have bought a lot of honey from Pete over the past couple of years.

Now I am aware that Pete likes to hold a full year's harvest in reserve, in case he has a bad year.  He does, after all, have his own customers and outlets to support. I therefore came as no surprise that he was less keen than usual to sell me another bucket, when I contacted him this morning.

It seems that he has exhausted his 2024 stocks, and would need to supply me from his 2025 reserve.  We had a long chat and I made certain that he understood that I was a) very grateful for his support, and b) very aware that his bulk rate was well below market pricing.* Pete suggested that I should explore alternative suppliers, and consider raising my prices in an attempt to slow down sales a little.

The net result of this conversation is that I have increased my pricing by 25%,** changed my sign accordingly, used chat GPT to produce a customer friendly explanation for the price hike, and 30% has posted on the village FaceBook page to make our clientele aware.

I was a little concerned about increasing the price, but I do consistently forget to take account of the time I expend in caring for the colonies and bottling the honey.  After all, why shouldn't I get some recompense for my labours?  It was rewarding to see that one individual responded to 30%'s post by saying that £5 was still good value for local honey and "objectors" should buy the "sugar syrup of European origin sold as honey in the supermarkets"

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* Current bulk rate is around £3.50 per pound

** to £5 per 8oz jar

Unfortunately it wasn't a great surprise

The weather has turned cold again. Fires have been lit in the evenings, and neither of us is particularly keen to spend much time in the garden at the moment.  It's certainly been too chilly to attempt to apply another coat of oil to the gates.

Basically I have had a lazy day.

I did head out in the morning with Hobson and Traitorous Bastard. We took our normal walk out as far as Pete's house  and we did have an extra exciting moment when a squirrel darted across the road a couple of yards in front of us. I had the dogs on the lead at that moment and the buggers nearly wrenched my arms form their sockets. I was lucky I didn't end up on my arse!

The afternoon was quiet and a fire was lit to ward off the chill before four o'clock.*

The Vet rang us to let us know the results of Whiffler's blood tests. Whilst his kidney and liver functions seem normal, his blood is showing high calcium levels. This is an indicator of cancer** and additional scans have been suggested to attempt a diagnosis.

30% and I discussed this and we are both in agreement. He is an old dog, in his twilight years. He is currently alert and pain free. Our decision is to manage him to ensure that he has a good quality life. We will make the decision to have him put to sleep, as soon as he cannot be kept pain free. Chemotherapy is not a path we wish to follow for a dog of his age.

30% had a follow on call with the Vet in the early evening and has booked him in for a follow-on consultation. That will be to determine the best approach to managing him in the coming months.

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* The US/Israeli attack on Iran has caused a doubling in the price of heating oil, and we have become more conscious of our consumption. We have plenty left in our tank, but we'd like that to last as long as possible, in the hope that prices will fall back.  The thermostat has been adjusted, and we are less likely to put the heating on for an while in the middle of the day ... Thanks Donald!

** High calcium levels tend to indicate mid to late stages of cancer

Why did we buy it?

If I am truly honest, I have been pondering how to relocate the large leather armchair, that has dominated one corner of the living room for far too bloody long.

It was commissioned on impulse by my dear wife a few years ago, and I wasn't sure about it from the outset.  The key word in the preceding sentence is impulse." 30% tends to swing from extreme procrastination to impulsivity, and the large leather chair was ordered without sufficient any thought to how it would fit in to the room.

When it arrived, I think it is fair to say, that we were both quite shocked at how large it was, especially as the living room is modest in size.  Over the years were have come to tolerate it,* but certainly not like it. For the record, I do not find it at all comfortable.

Having acquired a pair of Stressless chairs for the seating area of the dining room, I suggested that we might like to replace  the monster with a smaller chair, more appropriately proportioned to the room, and probably more comfortable too.

Hence this morning was spent heaving the monster up a steep, narrow staircase with a quarter-turn in it! I am pleased to say that we managed it, without falling out, or over, but I was shattered by the exertion of heaving a huge chair over the newel post at the top!**

The new Stressless chair now sits in the living room and looks brilliant. The room looks far less cluttered and we both find the chair pleasant to sit in.

The rest of the day involved a dog walk in the afternoon, before we headed in to Redditch to attend the Chuckl Comedy Club at the Palace Theatre. 

Russell Kane was the headline act, and I have to admit that he does tend to give me the ick. I find that he can be a bit manic/angry/preachy, which can overshadow his material. However this evening there was a great compere, and opener,*** and Kane was actually quite good, once he had stopped improvising and settled in to his material.

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* I refuse to sit in the fucking thing, going with the incontrovertible argument of "30% chose it, she can sit in it"

** It now lives in the corner of the main bedroom, and looks far better there

*** I won't bother mentioning the second act.

Whiffler has a check-up

Whiffler is nearing the end of his twelfth year,* and has been showing his age for a while now.  He is probably best described as creaky.  He still loves a walk, but not too far, and will even break in to a short sprint. However, when he is at home, his preferred activity is to snooze in one of his favourite spots.

Recently we have noticed that he is drinking and peeing more than usual, so this morning we took him up to the Vet's for a health check.  The Vet gave him a through going over, and Whiffler even obliged by giving a urine sample, so she was able to confirm that he isn't diabetic, but the very dilute urine confirmed that he is drinking a lot.

She checked his gait, and he is showing a little stiffness. We have recently started giving him a joint supplement, and she confirmed that we should continue with that. A couple of blood tests were also taken, as the Vet is of the opinion that he should be able to go through the entire night without needing to be taken out for a pee.  She is of the view that there is something that is causing his need to drink and pee more often.

We now wait for the results of his tests.  We are both well aware that he is a good age for a large dog, and that he is in his twilight years.  Neither of us want to write him off yet, but I think we are both aware that the diagnosis may not be welcome.

I think this is a case of preparing for the worst, whilst hoping for a positive outcome ... at least for a while longer.

In the afternoon I took Hobson and Traitorous Bastard for a walk down the lanes.

I then managed a quick kip, before 30% and I headed towards deepest, darkest Halesowen.  In fairness I should clarify that I have never visited this part of the West Midlands before and found myself driving through very pleasant suburbs. The reason for the visit was that 30% had found a Stressless recliner on Facebook Marketplace, and we had gone to take a look.

The chair was in lovely condition and was accompanied by a matching footstool.  A deal was struck and the chair was loaded on to the back of the car.  We are both delighted with our purchase, but I am a little concerned ... The chair is destined for the living room, and this means that the enormous leather, wing backed chair, it will replace, will need to be manoeuvred up the narrow staircase to its new home in one of the bedrooms.

That ain't gonna be fun!

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* He will be twelve on the first of July

Dogs and Doctors

This morning started with a walk, accompanied by Hobson and TB. We took our usual route out towards Pete the Beekeeper's house, where we did an about-turn and headed back home.

Although our walk only takes an hour, it seems to consume the entire morning. It must be the obligatory coffee on our return that fills the rest of the time before lunch ... and also the fact that I am rarely ready to start my day before ten o'clock!

30% headed out just before lunch with Dog #4 aka The Rat.  The Rat had been booked in for a bath and brush with Dot 'n Dave's daughter-in-law, Sarah.* 

The bath and brush would take a couple of hours so we lunched and then headed over to visit Dot 'n Dave. Unfortunately Dave has badly damaged his knee and is currently in plaster and fairly "out of it" on prescription painkillers.  He is in a lot of pain and, understandably, frustrated by the enforced immobility.  We did our best to cheer him a little and reinforced our previous offers to assist in any way we could.

Sarah called at around two o'clock, and we headed just down the road to collect The Rat.  She looked absolutely marvellous after her wash, and the big surprise was that Sarah had clipped her too ... I was expecting to have to give her a clip** over the next few days, but she's even had her claws clipped.  Hobson and Whiffler are also booked in for baths in a couple of weeks. It'll be interesting to see how she gets on with those two.

I wasn't able to crack on with oiling the gates as 30% had an appointment at the ROH in Birmingham this evening.  

We had an amazingly traffic free drive in, and she was seen early too. The consultation was inconclusive, but suggested that her spine is actually in very good condition. Blood samples were taken and another scan was arranged. Her GP has also been directed that she needs to be seen by other Specialists.

To take a glass half full perspective, there was no bad news.

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* Sarah learnt to groom at the same school that all of our dogs have attended as models. She absolutely adores Standard Poodles and was really keen to get her hands on them ... Her rates are also very reasonable

** I wasn't really looking forward to giving her a clip as my back is playing up at the moment and I generally clip her whilst kneeling or being over her. This can be quite painful after an hour , or so.  It is fair to say that I was very envious of Sarah's pneumatic grooming table.

What is it with bloody cyclists?

Sunday started with a trip down the road to the local Nursery. Three bags of rotted manure were purchased and two of them were dug in to the raised beds, as soon as I got home.

At this point I will make mention of the cyclists I encountered on this little trip. 

I met two groups within a hundred yards of leaving home, and pulled up on the verge to allow them to pass safely. Barely one of the ignorant fuckers could be bothered to acknowledge this courtesy.  I am well aware that cyclists should be given priority under the UK Highway Code, and I do follow this rule. However, it is rare that these Lycra clad buffoons ever acknowledge that someone has gone out of their way to allow them to proceed safely.  Fundamentally a lot of them are just fucking rude, and I have encountered others that are literally dangerous!*

Anyway, rant over, and now on to Sunday afternoon.  A couple of hours were spent applying a second coat of oil to the first of the new gates. 

Once that was done, I put on my bee suit, lit my smoker and added a pack of fondant to hive #1.  The bees are now flying regularly and it won't be long before I lift the crown boards and give the colonies their first inspection of the year.  I am hoping they will be needing supers in early April.

The final news for today is that I had a call with TP and Charlie, and we finally agreed dates for our motorcycle tour to France in July. I can now report that my Le Shuttle tickets** have been purchased and I will be away from 10th July, returning on the 19th.

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* Please don't misunderstand me. Most cyclists are well mannered and ride safely. However, as soon as they join an organised group, put on Lycra and start getting competitive they seem to loose any sense of personal responsibility, personal safety and good manners.  They ride like arrogant pricks, and will happily cause long queues, apparently, simply because they can!

** I cashed in my Tesco Clubcard vouchers and managed to reduce my ticket price by £94 ... Result!

Mostly mower related

It came as no surprise that the new gates had not dried sufficiently for a second coat of oil, so I spent the morning fixing the drive belt on the Mountfield mower.  This is the second time I have had to perform this minor repair, so it was reasonably straightforward to get it back up and running.

Having fixed the mower, I spent the first part of the afternoon mowing the lawns at the front. I can also report that the cowslips in the verge are finally starting to peep out from amongst the grass.

I was also brave enough to make a start on removing some of the smaller surface roots from the large conifer that blew down during Storm Darragh.  The large stump is a huge pain to mow around, and I inwardly curse each and every time I attend to the lawn. The only problem is that I am well aware of how hard it is to remove a large tree stump.

I have played this game several year ago and am in no rush to make my back worse than it already is.  My plan is to deal with it a little at a time.  My next objective is to dig out and level a few square feet of the ground lifted by the roots as the tree fell over.

I'll see how that goes before I start making any rash commitments about removing the rest of the stump.