Wednesday, 13 October 2010

A session with Mr D

Today I had to go to the Dentist and I loathe the Dentist.

I go every six months to ensure optimum dental health, I keep them clean but I still loathe the Dentist.

I'm not particularly squeamish and I know that it is not overly painful but I still loathe the Dentist.

Maybe it is because I have an active imagination that I loathe the Dentist.

Fortunately when I joined Mr D's Practice I pointed out that I was not a fan of sitting in in a reclining chair which comes from the supplier with optional restraints. I also pointed out that I was observant enough to know that he and his compatriots attempted to conceal their instruments of torture by passing them under the jaw and so out of sight before jabbing them in to my gums and that little dental sleight of hand did nothing to endear them to me as a profession.

I pointed out to him that I would visit every six months and assist in funding the refurnishing his house and his habit of exploring the planet provided that he used massive amounts of anesthetic and didn't tell me that "this wont hurt a bit".

To be fair I must take some of the blame since the worst thing is the scale and polish and I tend to take most of my fluids in the form of black coffee and red wine and neither of these help keep my "pearly whites" pearly white so he gets out the orbital sander and T-cut every six months and I leave with a movie star smile*.

Today I also had an old filling removed and re-filled. He said that it had cracked and needed to be replaced. Here is the thing - how do I know? National Heath Dentists are as scarce as Rocking Horse shit. I can hardly nip out and get a second opinion or have a look in the bathroom mirror and see the Grand Canyon in miniature in upper right, number 6.

So I have to take Mr D's word for it and let him sit me in the chair and subject me to 30 mins of fun and frivolity as he clamps my head in a vice like grip, stabs me in the gums at regular intervals and his Dental Nurse shows her prowess at initiating a gag reflex with the bloody suction tube. For all I know his BMW is due for a major service and he had an hour free and saw it as an opportunity to cover the cost of the brake pads.

To be fair Mr D is a lovely chap who has a natural ease and knows not to patronise a dental coward like me. I just wish he would change that bloody poster that is mounted on the ceiling.

I've seen the original in the temple at Dendera and I'd much rather be there!

I'm sure Trigger counts as a Movie Star even if Mr Ed doesn't.

No comments:

Post a Comment