Mafia visit and the art installation

Since it's purchase and use a few months back, my morticer has taken on the role of a piece of modern sculpture and has been installed in our current dining room where it had attracted curious glances from visitors and frustrated outbursts from the family when they need to get past the damned thing. I see this a indisputable evidence of it's status as art as it has evoked emotional responses from it's audience. However, as a result of today's efforts, it now has a new home in the Museum of Metropolitan Art garage. Let me explain ...

After, cutting and jointing a couple of the bench legs yesterday I was keen to get on with the job and was breakfasted, and working before nine o'clock. By the time 30% surfaced at around ten o'clock I had glued and screwed the first half of the frame together and was well on the way to constructing the second. I won't bore an already dwindling readership with the minutiae of it's construction and will move on towards lunchtime when 30% was about to leave for an afternoon of Musical Theatre in Birmingham ...

... As she was about to depart, taking a minor detour to drop TP off at the Rugby Club, she noticed a large carrier bag had been deposited on our doorstep. On closer examination it became apparent that we had either upset the local Mafia Big Style or Cathy H-R had recently slaughtered a pig ... The bag contained a pig's head and, as I am sure I would remember if I had moved in on a local protection racket or drug ring, I am fairly certain that Cathy's customers have again refused the head when buying half a pig. It therefore looks like I will be starting a guanciale cure tomorrow then.

Most of the day was spent building the bench and further tidying the garage. By half past four I had finished and was absolutely shattered.  I didn't have much opportunity to rest as T&M still needed to be walked so it was a case of a quick coffee and out around the Three Miler.

After the walk I then had to collect TP from the Rugby Club where he had been assisting with a Charity Event. Normally I would have taken the Defender but the beautiful weather and a lack of diesel meant that the Honda got dragged from her lair and was used to pick him up. By the time I got home I was exhausted and TP was left to order a Chinese takeaway. Fortunately I had just enough energy left to rectify the Defender / Diesel issue and collect "number 90" from Astwood House Chinese.

The rest of the evening was spent trying, but failing, to fall asleep on the sofa, whilst praying that the twinges of heartburn didn't flare up in to full blown indigestion.

A full day

After the usual morning routine of coffee, chicken liberation, emptying of dogs and breakfast I gathered my helmet, gloves and jacket and accepted a lift from 30% over to Redditch Motorcycles to pick up the Honda. I'm becoming accustomed to their somewhat disorganised approach and it came as no real surprise that, whilst the bike was MOT'd, serviced and had a new set of tyres, it wasn't actually there ...

... basically it had been MOT'd at a workshop in Alcester and needed to be collected. There was no point getting wound up about this so I chatted to Chris as he opened up the shop. Eventually his assistant arrived which meant that Chris could give me a pillion ride over to pick up my bike. Whilst I was loitering I did attempt to throw my leg over the BMW 1200GS in the showroom but the cruel shark of reality surfaced in my pipe dream of ownership, there was no way a short arse like me would ever be comfortable on anything that tall.

It was great to have the bike back on the road and, as I headed back to The Pile, it felt much more planted with new rubber. I may well have the Ducati serviced there if I can't get a response from Moto-vation as Chris is now happy to work on these complicated Italian V Twins.

Back at home I rang PtP and asked him to come over and check out yet another bloody leaking pipe.* I really can't believe our misfortune as I have noticed that another of the pipes in the bathroom has a slight weep from one of the compression joints ... at the moment it looks like everything in the house is dripping as both T&M have come in to season too. PtP advised that he would see if he could pop round later on to have a look and I reassured him that it wasn't urgent as it was a weep not a leak and could wait if he was busy.

Having got the important things out of the way, I finally sat down at my laptop and sent my CV over to Mr O&L to see whether any of the Management at Neat & Tidy Piano Movers would be interested in procuring my services. I then settled to work.

It was the normal disorganised nonsense and the political wrangles about who owns my current project continue. I am stuck in the middle of a bunch of Execs all chasing a win bonus but they can't all own the Engagement. It is fair to say that a couple of them are going to be quite pissed off in the next week or so as the hand-over workshop I was asked to run is likely to be cancelled.  This basically means that we are going to keep it rather than hand it back to the Account Team ... This will, without doubt, be an interesting spectacle.

I pushed a few rocks around on the latest project and started to sequentially arrange ducks but I was well aware that it is Friday and, quite literally, could not be arsed to start anything huge with the weekend imminent. Instead, I pottered and kept busy sorting out the Honda's Road Fund License and tweaking my to do list.

Late in the afternoon PtP popped round and examined my pipework. His verdict was that I really should find another Plumber as it will be a pig of a job ... we laughed and after a good natter he promised to pop around on Monday unless a more lucrative job turned up over the weekend.

It was fair to say that Paul's visit created a natural end to my working day and TP and 30% arrived home shortly thereafter. After greetings and news I headed out to the garage and made a start on my new work bench and within an hour had much of the timber cut and had made  a start on the joints to fix the top rails to the legs. As I finished trimming the final rebate 30% summoned me and we headed out for the final job of the day ... we nipped over to see Sally to collect our reupholstered dining chairs. She has made a superb job of them and they look fantastic now they have been cleaned, polished and recovered in a Sage Green leather.

I'm guessing that we may actually get to eat in the Dining Room this weekend.

---

* in the same area as the ones he fixed last week. This one will be a complete and utter pig to fix as it sits behind the soil stack and is far from accessible.

Hello, and what do you do ...

This morning I left 30% in charge of receiving my delivery of plywood and 2" x 4" and headed in to the nearest Circle of Hell to meet the new team I have been assigned to assist. It has been an absolute age since I was last in an Office environment and 30% is has a firm opinion* that working from home is not good for me and that I need human contact rather than just relying on her shouting dulcet tones and TP's grunts. I point out that I have a whole population of imaginary friends to talk to but she just throws this back at me as evidence that I need to get out more. I generally leave these conversations by saying that I will discuss them with Tyson and Marauder and we'll get back to her once we have reached a collective decision.**

Anyway, I seem to have wandered slightly off the point there, back to the Office, I found the new team by good fortune as I wandered in to their general locale in the open plan layout ...

... as I was about to use my phone to ring my contact I heard "Hello badman". I turned and noticed an ex-colleague from many years ago that had done rather well for herself and now managed a group of Junior Account Executives. We exchanged pleasantries, including me mentioning what I was up to, and within a flash I was being led up the walkway and was being introduced to Uncle Tom Cobley and all. 

I am bloody hopeless with names and, in an instant, had forgotten all but my main man who I will be supporting over the next few weeks. It was interesting to note that I was not completely surrounded by strangers as I have worked, or crossed paths, with at least four of the team in my fifteen year career sentence at Dante's. I spent the day attempting to work out what the hell they were up to and where I might be able to provide some assistance. They seemed quite happy with my input and I picked up a few actions to progress. The interesting point about this is that as I am most definitely not the Lead Solutioner I am totally relaxed about the whole job. My arse is not on the line here and every thing I do will be viewed as supportive and productive provided I don't fuck anything up.

During the day I found time to send out invitations for workshop I am planning to hand back my current project to the Account Team. These seem to have caused a little spat as the Account Team are expecting me to give it back and the Sales Team want me to hold on to it. I am in a situation where I neither know who my master is or what they want me to do so I have set up a call with a bunch of Execs and I propose to let them argue it out amongst themselves whilst I sit back and take minutes.

By four o'clock it was fair to say that I was well and truly over the excitement  of seeing other people and headed back home to take the dogs for a walk.

I have decided that colleagues just give you somebody to talk to instead of working.

---

* not a single one of her opinions requires Viagra ... never!
** at this point she pulls one of those faces. You know what I mean. I think they are generally referred to as withering looks

Other Stuff

During the day I managed to find time to chase up Job Finder Steve for his appraisal of my CV. It is fair to say that he liked it and that is was ideal for roles similar to what I do at present, but he suggested that I could further promote my soft skills to broaden the range of roles available. It looks like I will be making a few minor tweaks tomorrow before passing it over to a possibly interested party.

Keeping Busy

The almost complete lack of activity on my Project has given me time to fill. I have done my best to keep busy by addressing the never ending to do list that is generally summed up as life.

This morning I arranged for the Builders Merchants to deliver a sheet of ply and length of 4" x 2"  tomorrow morning. I will then have enough materials for my work bench and plan to throw that together on Saturday. I then wandered out to the garage, Ducati keys in hand ...

... Another filthy dust sheet was removed and I swear she winked at me as daylight hit her for the first time in months. I put her alarm in to service mode and spent a few minutes maneuvering her so she was facing the garage door and put her up on to a workshop stand.* The ignition was switched on and the instrument cluster lit up. I hit the starter button and she fired up. I instantly hit the kill switch to give her a chance to throw some oil around the long dormant engine before running her for any length of time. I repeated this a couple of times and then let her run filling the garage with her throbbing engine notes and petrol tainted exhaust fumes ...

... next job on the list was to send a text to Moto-vation to see if they can find an MOT and Service slot for her in the next couple of weeks.

I headed back to my desk for a while and a little after eleven the dining table was delivered. I gave the Driver a hand to carry it in to the Dining Room and it looks absolutely fantastic. It is a late Victorian. mahogany extender with ball and claw carved feet and is in beautiful condition for it's age. I can't wait for the chairs to arrive, curtain poles to arrive, curtains to be made ...

... Yes, I know there are still a few jobs to do before the room is finally finished!

Later on in the day I was "pinged" by IM who advised that he wanted me to continue to wind down my current project and provide a little process support on another contract extension activity. I am more than happy to help out but am becoming more than a little frustrated at the gulf that seems to be appearing between my job title and the nature of the work I am being allocated.

The "working" day ended and all three of us headed over to TP's school for a meeting about a 6th Form exchange programme, in which TP is interested in participating ...

... it looks like he may be heading out to Zambia next Easter!

---

* she has a racing pedigree and a result of this is that she cannot be started whilst her side stand is down. I therefore either need to hold her or put her on a workshop stand to start the engine.

Always the Quantity Surveyer

A few weeks ago I bumped in to C&M ..."C" was pushing a trundle wheel in an attempt to determine the actual length of the Three Miler.

Today, whilst walking the dogs, I met C&M out for a blustery walk and remembered to ask about his findings ...

... I can now report that, measured as a "circular" route starting at the Pub in the Green, the Three Miler is officially 2.66 miles in length.

I can, however, still claim a three mile walk as the return journey from home to the Pub is at least 600 yards.

Going AWOL

It was another quiet day and I had absolutely zero motivation to fill my time with the on-line, patronising attempt at brain washing that Dante's Nine Circles of Hell like to refer to as Education. I therefore spent the first half of the morning finishing the draft of my CV and sent it out to Job Finder Steve to get the benefit of his experience with IT Industry curriculum vitae.

By eleven o'clock I was finished and took T&M out for walk. Lunch followed and I then clambered in to the Defender and headed over to raid BMS's supply of timber ... I spent an hour or so with Pater; fighting off the attentions of Tilly and chatting, before loading a few lengths of timber, for my work bench, on to the roof rack and heading back home. I took a minor detour via the feed store and picked up a few bags of Layers Pellets while I was out and about.

I made a call to see whether the Honda was ready to be collected and  learnt that the MOT had been completed but workload had delayed the service and tyre fitting. Chris apologetically asked if I could put off collection until later in the week. This seems to be the norm at his workshop but he is such a nice chap and I am in no hurry so advised that I would see him Thursday or Friday, depending on the weather.

As afternoon turned to evening I headed out to the garage with the aim of making a start on the work bench but was overtaken by a bizarre urge to tidy ... within the next hour I had transformed the floor space in the garage. 30%'s abandoned shelving/storage unit project was relocated to the front cellar under my recently imposed statute of limitations ruling.* Two wooden pallets were taken outside and converted in to firewood.** Various items of clutter were packed up in to the roof space and the floor was given a bloody good sweeping.

I am amazed at how much space I have managed to recover and there is more yet to do!

---

* any abandoned item or project can be relocated / put away / thrown away, without feat of retribution from the item / project owner, after a vaguely defined period of abandonment that is generally greater than 14 calendar days
** it has been such a long time since the chainsaw last broke cover and she performed beautifully, as usual

Another quiet day in the office

There is not a huge amount I can say about work today as I didn't exactly do much of it. The future of my current project is unclear; one Exec expects me to hand it back to him another is suggesting that we should hold on to it and just "mothball" it for a few weeks. There is absolutely no clarity on the Engagement or Sales strategy for this opportunity so, in the absence of any guidance, I am wrapping things up and hoping to disengage within the next two to three weeks.

I pottered around the edge of my project for a while today but, if I am totally honest, most of my day was spent pulling my CV together.

At about ten o'clock in the morning 30% rang and was very excited. She had been looking at a mahogany dining table on eBay for a few days and yesterday had asked a few questions of the Seller. Her call was to advise that she had spoken to the Seller, liked the sound of it and had bought the table. I was somewhat amazed as 30% can be frustratingly slow to make a decision, lingering for literally weeks over minutiae, and then just go for it in the blink of an eye. The table does look beautiful and, as I learnt, in the next couple of breathless calls, a) it will be delivered on Wednesday but b) I needed to pay for it!

Eventually the PayPal invoice arrived and I dutifully made the payment only to have the damned thing reversed by PayPal moments later! Apparently their fraud detection algorithms had identified unusual activity on my account. I think it is fair to say that I was somewhat frustrated by this as I use PayPal regularly and the cost of the table was hardly an order of magnitude higher than the Mitre Saw I purchased last week. The other frustration was I then had to jump through a series of hoops to restore my account to normality. One of these was to submit an electronic copy of a recent credit card invoice and wait for some invisible and uncontactable gnome to deem it suitable evidence of my legitimacy.

I realised that account reactivation was never going to happen today and in the end just rang my bank and performed an electronic transfer of funds to the Seller. What did I learn from this? ... PayPal is an incredibly easy way to transfer monies but, unlike a bank, they are virtually impossible to talk to and hence I have no idea how I would have forewarned them that I was about to make a significant purchase using their systems.

Oh well, the table is on it's way and I can't be arsed to get up tight with a bloody on-line e-commerce service.

The rest of the day was quiet, the dogs got walked and last week's to do list was closed and this week's was drawn up. It looks like I will be getting my box frame finished and a new work bench installed in the garage.

Rugby match consumes day

Today TP had an away game up on the Eastern side of Coventry. This meant we had an early start and there was no opportunity for dog walking before we climbed in to the car and headed off for the match. It was a good game that could have been great if the referee had calmed down, used a little less whistle and allowed a little more rugby to be played. The two teams were fairly evenly matched as the 19:10 final score to TP's team demonstrated. When play was actually permitted we saw some very strong rugby from both sides and TP's team seemed to finally be tackling effectively and taking back possession from the opposition. It was a very different game to the last match we played at this club which was a 53:5 drubbing of the home team.

By the time the post match activities had been concluded it was well past midday and two o'clock was approaching as we arrived home to be greeted by two very enthusiastic dogs. Lunch was rapidly devoured and I was, again, back out in the fresh air taking T&M for their walk.

I returned in time for a quick snooze on the sofa before BMS & SMS arrived with Tilly to join us for Sunday Dinner. We had a pleasant few hours catching up on each others news, although SMS is a regular reader of The Journal on her iPad and consequently tends to know what we are up to as it happens... Apparently Bad Man Senior, who eschews computing devices, receives edited verbal highlights with the occasional viewing of any pictures I post.

Dad & Sue left fairly early in the evening after I had extracted a couple of lengths of sturdy timber from their car. These are destined to become the legs of my new work bench and I may be making a visit in the Defender as BMS mentioned some surplus 2" x 4" timber kicking around too ...

... at this rate I will only need a 8' x 4' sheet of 1" ply from B&Q and the bench will be sorted!

Going "off list"

It's the weekend and after a toast and caffeine injection I, once again, hit the to do list ...

... first item this morning was to take the Defender over to the mobile car valeting service. Yes, mobile as in a service that comes to the consumer, but obviously in this instance, mobile as in I take my car and leave it conveniently on his drive for the day! Fortunately he is only a couple of miles up the road and 30% provided a lift back home.

We paused, briefly, for further coffee and then headed in to Redditch for grocery shopping and to collect the glass for the Box Frame I am making. It was lunchtime by the time we got back and after refuelling I headed out around the Three Miler with T&M.

On my return 30% advised that the Defender was ready for collection so we headed out again. Ten minutes later I was back in the house, my wallet £50 lighter*, but now in possession of a much shinier Land Rover. Spurred on by the improvement in the condition of the Defender, I finally got my arse in to gear and repaired the tip-up seat retaining strap that one of TP's mates had buggered a few months back. This involved aluminium plate, rivets and assorted power tools and I can report that a) my repair looks quite factory and b) I will kill the little fucker that broke it, if he ever comes anywhere near my car in this or any other lifetime.

As afternoon turned to evening we were joined by 30%'s brother and the Elf for dinner. A pleasant time was had by all and day#1 of the weekend can be declared a success ...

... two items crossed of the to do list; valet car and collect glass, plus an item that hadn't even made it on to the list yet; fix Defender seat.

I may be getting ahead of myself here.

---

* To be fair, he had done a reasonable job and had MOP'd out a couple of scratches that I picked up negotiating the track down to Pwll Du Bay.

The Devil makes work for idle hands

After some minor procrastination, I finally settled down to one of the major tasks on my to do list and made a start on updating my CV. I have an internal CV, which recounts my rock pushing history in Dante's Nine Circles of Hell, but it is way too specific for the marketplace and, at five pages in length, is way too long to be considered a resume...

... Fortunately an old boyfriend of 30%, works in IT Recruitment and was more than happy to provide a couple of good quality sample CVs for me to use as a foundation. As an aside, all three of us attended Wolverhampton Polytechnic over thirty years ago and I actually used to live in the same Hall of Residence Flat as Job Finder Steve...

... Anyway, getting back on track, much of today has been spent on the first draft of the document. As is usual, I have done less than I would have hoped for but have made a reasonable start and would hope to be in a position to send a draft over to Steve for comments later on next week.

Away from work today's main activities were taking the Honda for a Service and MOT and more work on my Box Frame...

... Starting with the bike, I dragged her out from under a filthy dustsheet and gave her a quick whizz over with a duster. She is still very grimy but looks a little less dusty after that minimal cleaning attempt. It was great to be out on her again but I am nervous of the grip provided by her ancient tyres and their replacement is one of the Service items requested. After an all too short ride I filled up her tank and pulled on to the forecourt of Redditch Motorcycles just managing to avoid the shower that had been threatening all afternoon. It will be later next week before I can collect her but I have to admit that my eye fell upon a BMW R1200GS in the corner of the showroom. It is a beast of a bike with a mountainous seat height. At 5'3" in my stocking feet it is probably ridiculously high for me but that hasn't stopped me making a few Internet searches which involve the bike model and the phrase short arse riders!

The frame project has taken a massive step nearer to completion. I have now sanded the frame and applied a coat of wood reviver to soak in overnight. Tomorrow it will get a coat of wax polish and then it will just be a case of getting the glass, mounting the spear heads and assembling it.

As for this evening, I am spending it alone as 30% and TP have headed in to Birmingham to see Meatloaf perform at the NEC ...

... I have far more sense!

Progress on the Box Frame Project

After clearing the minimal work from my in-box I headed out to the garage to inspect the frame that had been glued up and clamped overnight. Free of its shackles it looks quite impressive and I am somewhat more optimistic that this project might be successful.

The next stage in it's construction was to rout a sizable rebate around the back inner edge of the frame to accept the box that will display the spear heads. To give some idea of dimensions, the frame is a bit of a beast at 27" x 31" and the box it surrounds is 21" x 26". After offering the two components together and marking up I found myself needing to produce a rebate about 0.5" deep and 1.25" wide ...

... As a result the garage is now full of wood dust again and I can report that ancient elm does smell quite peculiar when worked. There is no other way of putting it, some of these boards smell like cat piss when the router bit cuts through them.

A trial fit proved that the box will rest snugly in it's rebate. All I need to do now is get the frame sanded and finished, get a sheet of glass cut and get the spear heads mounted in the box.

Oh, and get the bloody wall dried out, stain sealed and repainted so we can hang it in it's intended position!

In the words of young Mr. Grace*

It was another quiet day at work and I did what I could to tidy up my project and prepared my weekly report. Shortly before the call where I read out what I have written in my weekly report I was pinged by the EMEA Sales Exec** ...

... This was something of a surprise as he was supposed to be on holiday hence I have spent much of this week slacking, doing the bare minimum, concentrating on non project activities.  After a brief chat it became apparent that he had been called over to Germany to attend to another deal and that a couple of recent discussions in the Sales Organisation now propose that our project is not handed back to the Account Team but is retained and progressed. This deal is on and off more frequently than the proverbial Whore's Drawers! There is still a distinct lack of clarity on what we are supposed to be doing and how, or when, we are to encourage a reluctant client to sign the paperwork so I summarised with the statement "I'll just carry on what I'm doing then".

At one point this morning a knock at the door sent the dogs in a frenzy and I wandered out to take receipt of my new mitre saw. Within minutes the new Makita was unpacked on the dining table and shortly thereafter was taken out to the garage and bolted to it's own table. The now redundant Ferm is sat on the garage floor whilst I decide on it's fate. Since I was out in the garage it seemed rude not to test the saw so I checked out it's mitre settings and carefully trimmed up the frame components that had been cocked up on Sunday. They now fit beautifully and there is a chance that the box frame project might well be back on track. Later on in the day I found a few minutes to cut the biscuit joints and glue up the frame. I cant wait to see what it looks like when the clamps are taken off.

The afternoon saw a me take a walk with T&M and an early finish from work. I then headed over to Worcester to drop my holiday films in at the photo processors and to pick up the dehumidifier.

That is another two items off the to do  list.

---

* Carry on, Everybody, You've all done very well
** Who, I fear, may well be taking on the persona of young Mr Grace

Chipping away at it

It is Tuesday and I am not sure whether I have managed to find a modicum of motivation or have simply realised that I will go barking mad unless I find something to fill my time this week ...

... I do not have a huge amount of work to do at the moment and the key task is to get my current project tidied up such that I can pass it back to the Account Team to progress. The problem is that most of the people I need are still away on their Easter holidays and, as a result, I am not going to achieve much this week. However, I did what I could and danced around the edges of the project hassling for outstanding deliverables and collating what little had been provided. I also spent some time polishing up a spreadsheet, as my time in Dante's has taught me that the majority of the Managers and Execs are suckers for style over substance. This file will be the principle device to hand the project back so a few hyperlinks and a bit of formatting will work wonders to make the sow's ear look a little more like a silk purse.*

In order to fill my day I also addressed my to do list once again. First task was to chase up the Blacksmith about the curtain rails. After a quick phone call I had learned that he was still in business but had a new e-mail address so, after ending the conversation, I updated the specification to also include the rails for the Hall and Office and re-sent it.

Towards lunchtime I again felt the need to escape from the desk and headed out to the garage with the keys to the Honda. I removed the sawdust covered sheet that had kept the worst of the ukulele project's debris from her and slipped the key in to the ignition. After several attempts the first cough of the engine attempting to fire was heard and, with some tweaking of choke and throttle, she was soon running on three of her four cylinders. Cylinder number four eventually decided to join the party and she sat there purring as her engine temperature rose. After a quick check of lights, brakes, clutch and gearbox I turned her off and headed back in to the house where I made arrangements for her service and MOT on Saturday.

I also made arrangements to collect the dehumidifier tomorrow and planned to combine that with a trip in to Worcester to drop off the holiday films at the photo processors.

Late in the day PtP arrived and, after his traditional and incredibly enthusiastic greeting by Tyson, he set to repairing the two leaking pipes. He is a really nice chap and I think we spent more time chatting than him actually working but after an hour two new sections of copper had been soldered in to place and the leak was finally cured.

I make that one objective actually achieved; the leak and three pushed slightly further along; humidifier, bike and curtain rails ...

... at this rate I will be getting to the one I should do but seem to be avoiding for some reason.

---

* I like this analogy as I certainly wouldn't want to put any of my money in to it.

Things to do

Monday ... bleugh! The first day back in the virtual office after a week away.

I opened up the email application and noted that I had a little over one hundred emails to review. This was nowhere near as bad as expected but then I realised that I had only been out for four working days and most of my colleagues had been out for Easter too. I set to and deleted the junk which comprised more than half. It then took little more than an hour to review the rest and make a couple of phone calls to catch up on the minimal progress made last week. The EMEA Sales Exec is on holiday this week so hopefully I will have a reasonably quiet week where I can plan the handing back of this project to the Account Team for them to take forward.

Actually clearing my e-mail was not my first activity of the day, that was a 'phone call to Steve about the second leak that I discovered yesterday. He advised that he would pop over at some point today to "have a look". He did mention that he was rushed off his feet and away for a Lads Holiday from Thursday so I already have a nagging suspicion that I will be calling in Paul the Plumber for the repair. Steve eventually turned up around five thirty and confirmed what I already knew; that I had another leak, and then, after rummaging around in the back of his van, advised that he didn't have anything that could be used as a temporary fix. We agreed that PtP was my best bet for a speedy fix but that Steve would step in if PtP wasn't available. After a quick call we had PtP lined up for a visit tomorrow.

Steve's late arrival meant that I had been waiting at home all day and, as a result ended up taking T&M for a very late walk around the Three Miler and returning just in time for dinner at seven.

The enforced wait for Steve and the limited amount of work in my virtual in tray meant that I had plenty of time to cross a few items of my latest to do list. The main task was to produce a specification for some curtain poles for the dining room. In any normal house one would simply measure the width of the window and then head in to the nearest retailer, however things are slightly more complicated here at The Pile. Firstly because we found a local blacksmith who made some fantastic rails for our upstairs rooms a couple of years ago and secondly, because both the window and door apertures are such that his standard design just will not fit. As a result I ended up producing a detailed specification with photographs, diagrams and measurements. After an hour I hit send on my email specification and offered a prayer to the Gods that he was still in business.

I also managed to get the local mobile valet service booked to come and give the Defender at good scrub and polish at the weekend.

Next on the list was to get the bikes booked in for services and MOTs but I held off that as I thought I had better make sure they start before I commit to riding them in to the respective workshops...

... That will give me something to do tomorrow while I wait for PtP.

King Midas I aint!

Today was one of those days when it felt like everything I touched turned to shit. I know that in real terms it wasn't so, but it is fair to say that a couple of activities have not progressed as well as I would have liked ...

... Let's start with the leak that Steve & Andy so kindly applied a temporary fix to just over a week ago. I noticed that the damp patches were not drying out as quickly as I would have expected and that the condensation in the back porch seemed to have increased rather than the reverse. I gave the temporary fix a close inspection and it was fine but the pipe that runs alongside it was also wet. On closer examination it became clear that the second pipe was also leaking and it looks like S&A will be getting a call tomorrow morning ...

... it is also a good job that the eBay dehumidifier auction finishes this evening as it is most definitely needed.

The second cock up was the box frame that I have been working on. After spending several hours preparing the old elm timber for the frame I cut the joints using my mitre saw ...

... it didn't go well. Firstly the timber is old and twisted which doesn't make accurate cutting easy and secondly my mitre saw has always been a complete bastard. It is fine for stud framing work* and so forth but as a precision mitre saw it is worse than useless. It's 45 degree setting is slightly out and as a result it needs a huge amount of messing around with to make a decent frame. I am now in possession of four pieces of finely routed firewood and am expecting a new Makita to be delivered in the next couple of days.

Now I turn to the parts of the day that went reasonably well ...

... first thing this morning I took T&M for a walk around the Three Miler whilst 30% dropped TP off at the rugby club. Tyson's paw seems fine although I suspect she is about to come in to season based on the number of strategic pees she took on the walk.

After the walk, 30% and I returned to the club to watch the match. It was one hell of a game against incredibly strong opposition who were fielding a team with several overage players. TP's side didn't win but they held up incredibly well against a side that played barely within the rules of the game, as the two players sin binned and the huge number of penalties given demonstrated. The 24:7 final score is a testament to how well the lads played.

After the match we were joined by Jules for lunch and she came bearing 30%'s birthday gift. I have already recounted the afternoon's gripes so will finish by saying that I decided that the safest place for me was sat on the sofa where I could break anything else.

Oh, and I did win the dehumidifier!

---

* as in a shed or chicken coop frame

Shit you don't want to hear

I thought Saturday had started hideously early until 30% informed me that we had not yet got around to putting the clocks forward and it was a quarter past eight. As she bustled around preparing to leave for a hair appointment I opened the door on the Grand Father Clock and set the pendulum swinging again.

He is a delightful time piece and very reliable in a temperamental sort of way. The bell striking mechanism has a tendency to jump forward when he is being wound leaving the hours chimed one in advance of the actual time. This is easily rectified by taking the clock through the chiming cycle but it does become bloody irritating when you have to do it it three or four times a week ... However, since the New Year we have noticed that it is more than happy to be wound at eight o'clock in the morning without upsetting the hourly chimes. Provided that this regime is adhered to it will quite happily run without complaint provided a weekly correction of the time is made, as he does run a little slow.

Apologies for the minor diversion, but I had consciously wound and then stopped the clock before we left so that he could be just restarted without any fuss upon our return. He stands in the hall measuring out the heartbeat of the house once more.

30% left and I wandered out to the garage to pick up a stalled project. I spent the best part of an hour cutting some elm floor boards to size to form the frame components for a box frame I have sketched out. It's ultimate purpose will be to display some spear heads we acquired a couple of months ago. I had to keep an eye on the time to ensure I made the appointment at the Vet's for T&Ms' inoculations.

The Vet checked out Tyson's paw and decided that it didn't seem to be anything more serious than a bruise or strain but she unnerved me when she was carrying out T's annual check up and asked about a heart murmur. Apparently T has the slightest of heart murmurs on the left hand side. The vet reassured me that it was nothing to worry about as it could barely be heard, had never been picked up before and was  obviously not impacting T's energy or activity levels. She advised that it could even be a temporary anomaly and that we should get the vet to listen for it on our next visit.

Both T&M were jabbed after receiving great praise for their general condition and I returned back home to clean up the boards that I had cut and plug the nail holes in preparation for routing, mitre cuts and assembly tomorrow.

After lunch 30% and I made a trip in to the supermarket to restock the cupboards and upon our return we were visited by 30%'s Mum and Dad who came bearing birthday cards and gifts. Tea, chat and a warm in front of the fire consumed what remained of the afternoon and evening drew in. TP disappeared off to a party and 30% and I took a quick spin out in her new toy in an attempt to get her to master the clutch and gearbox! A minor adjustment of the seat seemed to help and we took a relatively crunch free drive over pay a brief visit to her brother and the Elf.

As the sun set we headed back to The Pile and spent the evening in front of the television until a little before midnight when I headed out to collect TP from a thankfully convenient party just a few miles down the road ...

... every other one he has been invited to has been bloody miles away.

Time to go home

Today was our last day at Pwll Du and the day can be summed up as breakfast followed by packing, a brief walk on the beach, a three hour drive home, unpacking and a very late lunch.

We arrived home around three in the afternoon and most of the day had gone by the time we were settled back in to The Pile. All seems well although one of the Minorcas has gone missing and Tyson appears to be favouring one of her front paws. We think she may have twisted or sprained her leg on the beach and an appointment has been made at the vets for tomorrow. Both T&M are due their inoculations anyway so we may as well kill two birds with one stone.

It is 30%'s birthday today and, as she was somewhat jaded by the packing and travelling, she declined the offer of a meal out but perked up at the offer of a Chinese takeaway ...

... she does the 'phoning, I do the fetching.

It has been a fun week away and having been twice before it is very easy to relax there as we now have a reasonable knowledge of the lie of the land. We therefore don't need to worry about any of those things that concern a first time visitor.

It is possible we may be in a similar situation with our Summer break as Luxor has been suggested ...

... watch this space.

Pennard Castle

It was another grey day today, although nowhere near as cold as it was on Monday.

Today's plan was to walk up to the castle ruins at Pennard. That would be quite a distance from Pwll Du so we drove up to South Gate and parked in the cliff top car park close to the coastal path. We then ambled along the coastal path and within twenty minutes were looking out over Three Cliffs Bay ahead and Pennard Golf Course away to our right. It was fair to say that the path wasn't particularly clear and numerous tracks lead through the dunes in all directions. After a brief recce' of the area we let 30% have her way and we headed away from the castle towards the Club House where we picked up a path that lead across the middle of the course to the castle.

To be honest the ruins were less than impressive and the cold weather, the company of picnickers and a family with rowdy children meant that our stay was brief. After taking a couple of snaps we headed back, this time picking up the coast path that skirted the boundary of the golf course. Within an hour we were back in the warmth of the car and headed back to Ship Cottage to take a late lunch and light the fire.

Apart from a brief wander down the bay, we spent what was left of the afternoon in the warm and I did my best to help minimise the amount we needed to pack tomorrow by finishing off the gin and the last bottle of  beer.

Does anyone have any "nibbles"?

More fresh air and exercise

Wednesday, and the weather remained fine and dry with a cold wind. This morning we again walked up the Bishopston Valley and took the bridle path up to South Gate where we paused at a cafe and stuffed some very good cake in to our gobs ...

... refueled, we headed out on to the coastal path as our plan was to take a circular route back to the cottage. The views were fantastic and we took in more of them than expected when we followed a sheep track, instead of the path, that petered out on a quite precipitous cliff. I am sure that the cliff herbage provided some fantastic grazing opportunities but I just found the close proximity of the edges somewhat unnerving and will take my revenge in the future when welsh lamb is next on the menu.

We retraced our steps for half a mile or so and found the coastal path. The walk back around Pwll Du head gave some fantastic views of the coast back towards Caswell Bay and Swansea in the distance and early in the afternoon we were dropping through the woods and back to Ship Cottage for lunch.

Pwll Du Head looking towards Caswell Bay

After the morning's liberal doses of exercises and fresh air I took the mandated afternoon snooze but have to report that I somewhat overdid things and it was close to five o'clock before I hauled my backside from the sofa.

The plan for the evening was a walk up to The Joiners Arms in Bishopston for dinner so a little before six we headed up the cliff track and took the lanes in to the village. I really like The Joiners. It is a very "ordinary" pub with no pretentions or artifice. It has a friendly atmosphere and serves some damned fine food at very reasonable prices ... and T&M are most welcome to sit under the table and, in the case of Marauder, occasionally bark at other dogs that dare to enter.

After dinner we wandered back down towards the cottage in the fading light and arrived as dusk was turning to night. I estimate that the return trip to the pub is a good three  miles and, combined with this morning's ramble I think we probably walked further today than we did the day before.

The tenth best beach in the world?

Tuesday saw the sun make a welcome return and after much faffing around we eventually left Ship Cottage and headed over to Rhossili Bay. I mention "much faffing" as TP has now joined us and now even the shortest trip will require that he receive several reminders and make repeated returns to his room or the bathroom for a wide variety of forgotten items or ablutionary tasks ...

... where was I? Oh yes, after much faffing we eventually climbed in to the Defender and headed over to Rhossili Bay. This is a splendid three mile arc of sand that makes a compulsory appearance in any Welsh Tourist Board advertisement but despite it's beauty and popularity it is never crowded and within one hundred yards of walking we had the sands virtually to ourselves. We walked with the dogs to the far end where we sat on Spaniards Rock and rewarded our exertions with coffee and a selection of cakes. It was well past midday at this point and by the time we had walked the three miles back to the car park and then driven home I'm not sure whether we ate a late lunch or an early supper.

Our original plan had been to head up to Bishopston for dinner at The Joiners Arms but after the six mile walk and a huge helping of fresh air none of us seemed particularly interested in leaving the comfort of the log burner and sofa. As a result we dined much later at home and agreed that a shorter walk tomorrow would leave us in the mood for a walk up to the pub.

 As the sun started to drop in the sky I wandered out to empty the dogs and took a few photos of Pwll Du Bay. The panorama below is stitched from five separate frames and is a 300 degree view from the Tyson's favourite widdling location

f-f-f-f-freezing!

This morning the sky was grey and leaden and the short walk down to the beach with the dogs was enough to prove just how bloody cold it really was ...

... back in the cottage as I spotted a brief appearance of a watery sun through the clouds and had possibly one of the stupidest ideas in my forty nine years. "Let's go for a walk on Oxwich Bay" I proffered, when asked what I wanted to do by 30%. We breakfasted, got our stuff together, threw the dogs in the back of the Defender and drove the few miles along the coast to Oxwich. As we parked I had my first doubts. The few people there were dressed for a Siberian Winter and the wind driving in off the sea was blasting everything with an obscuring cloud of sand picked up from the narrow strip of beach between sea and dunes.

We climbed out and a freezing wind was driving in off the sea. As we started along the beach we diverted on to the dunes to seek what limited shelter they could offer against the blast. After twenty minutes of walking 30% had very rosy cheeks and I swear my face was starting to go numb on the seaward side. I am not a huge fan of the cold and by this time I had most definitely reached the fuck this for a game of soldiers mindset. 30% claimed that she was enjoying it. If she was, she was the exception that proves the rule, as everyone else we encountered commented on how bitterly cold it was.

30% graciously, or was it sensibly, decided to pander to my onset of frost bite so we turned and walked to the Oxwich Bay hotel and settled in front of the fire to thaw with coffee and, in my case, a portion of caramel apple flan.

When feeling eventually returned to my extremities we headed back to Pwll Du, lit the fire and settled in front of it for an afternoon of indoor pursuits. As evening drew in I had a dry dinner and shortly after nine o'clock I headed up the cliff track and on in to Swansea to collect TP from the station. His train arrived on time and just after ten o'clock we were slowly negotiating the cliff back down to the bay. The steep and rocky path is very different when everything outside the pool of the headlights is pitch black and your world is limited to the next twenty yards before a bend or drop robs you of perspective.

We fed TP and caught up on his news before retiring to bed in front of the orange glow of the fire.

Photography & Foraging

Sunday was another fine, bright day however the unseasonably cold wind ever present. We wrapped up warmly and took a walk from Ship Cottage along the footpath that runs up through Bishopston Valley. The wooded valley provided shelter from the wind and we enjoyed a lovely walk alongside the river that empties in to Pwll Du Bay. After half an hour of walking we turned left on to the Bridlepath and headed up towards South Gate. The path emerged from the woods and fields through a farm yard and the last hundred yards were along a residential lane. At the end of the lane was an area of common land at the top of the cliffs giving splendid views along the coast towards Oxwich Bay.

 After taking in the views we headed back down in to the valley. Virtually every square yard of woodland floor was covered with narrow green leaves and for some strange reason I had a vague suspicion that these might be wild garlic. A picked and crushed leaf confirmed our thoughts and a healthy handful was collected. Back at the cottage the identification and use of the leaves were confirmed with a quick Google session and they were then washed, chopped and added to the Bolognese sauce prepared for dinner this evening.

Lunch followed this discovery of wild food and in the afternoon, after a restorative nap, we took a short walk across the beach and back up on to the cliff path to take some photos as the sun started to drop in the western sky.

We wandered back to the cottage having had our fill of some of the freshest air I had experienced in a long while and I set to lighting the fire whilst 30% prepared wine, olives and nibbles.

Looks like another evening in front of the fire with wine and spag bol warming us from the inside and a large pile of burning driftwood doing the same on the outside.

Receiving Visitors

I woke a little before seven this morning and first order of the day was to take the dogs down to the beach to relieve themselves. The weather was splendid. The skies were clear and there was a cold crisp wind coming in from the sea. It was most definitely hat, coat and scarf weather but unfortunately I had donned none of these when I wandered out to take T&M for a pee. Luckily the dogs decided to perform promptly and I was soon back in the cottage getting myself on the outside of a warming cup of coffee.

This morning we decided to take the cliff path to Caswell Bay. It was a lovely walk in the sun with T&M charging hither and thither taking in the new smells on the cliffs within forty minutes or so we had reached Caswell Bay where we stopped at the cafe for a coffee before heading back to Pwll Du. It is a perfect little walk with fantastic views and is just the right distance. By the time you reach Caswell you are ready for that coffee and feel that you have exerted enough energy to justify a cake if the fancy takes you.

Upon our return we had a light lunch and even found time for a post-prandial snooze in advance of our afternoon's socialising ...

... The Oranges & Lemons clan are staying in the vicinity for Easter as Ian's parents live just around the coast in Swansea. 30% arranged to meet up with them for the afternoon so at the agreed time I drove up the cliff track to collect them from the village. We had a splendidly lazy afternoon; drinking coffee, chatting and took a gentle stroll on the beach to allow the children to get soaked in the rivulets and pools left by the receding tide.

As evening drew in I lit the log burner and then ferried the O&Ls back to their car. On my return I was greeted with a glass of wine and nibbles and we settled down for dinner and a relaxing evening in front of the fire.

A trip to Blackpool*

The first day of my holiday and I find myself wide awake well before six o'clock in the morning. It is bloody typical, the first day of the week that I don't have to haul my arse out of bed and I am up before cock crow ...

... to be honest it was useful to be up and about early as we are off down to the Gower today and neither of us could be bothered to do any packing yesterday. Therefore we need this morning to, if you will forgive the vernacular, get our shit together. At this point I should point out that 30% did brave Tesco on Thursday evening so we have adequate supplies for our week in Pwll Du Bay.*

Whilst 30% and TP slumbered I started my preparations for our week away; cameras and laptop were packed in to bags, iPads, Kindles and their respective charging leads were piled ready for the off and rolls of film** and Sat Nav were removed from their respective homes and positioned where they would not be forgotten.

By the time 30% had risen I had assembled everything but my clothes and had made several trips to the garage to ensure that there was adequate food for the chickens and that the roof bag was ready to be attached to the roof rack on the Defender. I then took time out to nip in to Redditch to buy 30%'s Birthday Card as she celebrates her anniversary on the last day of our holiday next Friday...

... 30% asked me to pick up a few last minute items from the supermarket and as a result I had to spend twenty minutes zombie dodging in Tesco's aisles. Why is it that the majority of the population appear to loose all mental faculties and awareness of others the moment they attach themselves to the handles of a trolly and start to browse the stacked rows of grocery store? They lurch from side to side, oblivious to all other consumers and their feral, fucking children rave and charge around the aisles clad in obscenely bright, but grubby and tasteless synthetic apparel. I really wish that Waitrose  was a) closer and b) had a better selection of greetings cards. I am also eternally grateful that 30% does much of our grocery shopping. I also think that we should reconsider what actually does constitute justifiable homicide in the light of my experiences with the supermarket undead.

I arrived back at home in time to see TP depart to spend a few days at his Grandma's house with his Mum, brother and sister. He will join us in Pwll Du on Monday evening, taking a train from Paddington down to Swansea to meet up with us.

After an early lunch we loaded up the Defender, threw T&M in to the back and headed off down the M5. An hour or so later we had passed through the short tunnel at Monmouth and could see the snow covered  Brecon Beacons ahead of us. By three thirty we were driving through Swansea's plethora of traffic lights*** and once the other side of the city we were ten minutes from the steep and rocky cliff track that leads down to the bay.

With an efficiency that comes from two previous visits to Ship Cottage, we were unpacked and drinking coffee within a quarter of an hour and were walking across the stony shore shortly after that.

The evening was spent in front of the log burner having consumed a steak supper and a bottle of red wine. Once the TV was switched off the only noise was the roar of the incoming tide as it pounds the cobbles at the head of the beach.

I am warm, my appetite is sated and I have no demands on my time ... It is truly delightful here.

---

* Pwll Du translates from Welsh as Black Pool and is named for the pool that forms in a bend in the river before it empties in to the Bay.
** I am taking the Rolleicord as well as the Canon
*** These are always red

I'm off ...

It is the last working day of the week and I just needed to dodge bullets for the next eight or nine hours before I can forget about it all for the next ten days.

The working day started with a quick call to the poor chap who is providing holiday cover for one of the SMIs and has ended up with a monumental task to finish off. I tried to make life easy for him by giving him some leeway to throw additional resources in to his solution in order to receive the necessary tick in the box from his Lords and Masters.

Next on the Agenda was a follow-up call with the Business Unit and Project Executives after Monday's informal review. In the intervening period I had updated my cost bridge and highlighted additional justifications for our increased cost. I talked the two Execs through the significant changes and the call went well. The Senior Executive advised that he had been concerned after Monday's call but was far more comfortable following today's presentation. He even sent me an instant message later in the day advising that he felt I had got things back on track and promised a share of any deal team bonus.*

This call also covered the hand over of this project back to the Account Team. As I mentioned on Tuesday, a significant number of new deals are expected in the very near future and this renegotiation is to be passed back to the Account Team to progress. I now have a steer on the deliverable I need to, err for want of a better word, deliver before I can go and do something with less politics and fewer fuckwits** in the mix. Hopefully I should be clear of this nightmare in the next two to three weeks.

I then had a couple of hours clear of any appointments so made a quick trip over to the Auction House to collect the items that 30% had bid on earlier in the week. I came home with a diminutive ivory carving of three fighting cocks and an unfortunately still functional accordion that caught TP's eye.

The rest of the day was spent on necessary pre-holiday must do activities ...

• I performed the hand-over of chicken and cat care duties to Village Idiot & LSW***
• I performed the hand-over of my work duties to a colleague who will mind the shop next week
  
• I sent the Exec's unsolicited note of gratitude to my manager in an attempt to re-balance the recent differences of opinions that seem to be developing between us
• I made repeated trips to the stop cock for Andy & Steve as they installed a temporary fix to the leaking copper pipe in the bathroom.

By five o'clock the last e-mail had been sent, pet and livestock care had been sorted and the house was no longer likely to dissolve. I shut down my instant messenger application and took the dogs for a early evening walk around the Three Miler.

For the next week, the only time I will use a laptop will be for my own pleasure or benefit ... Fantastic.

---

* I won't be counting any chickens!
** A New Business Deal does not have the complication of having to work with an existing Account Team. Everything we have done needs to be cross referenced back to what is done today and this complicates, constrains and slows everything down. As for the fuckwits, it is not just me that categorises the departing Project Executive in this way ... why do you think she is departing!
*** LSW - Long Suffering Wife

Getting There?

Looking back over the day I did not feel that it had been particularly positive and a large gin was poured when 30% arrived home from work. However, as I jot down the events, I really should feel more positive especially as the working week will end tomorrow and from Friday we are away for a week on The Gower.

My plan for today was to ind time to nip over to the Auction House and pick up a couple of items that 30% had won but, as soon as I looked at my diary, I realised that this was an impossibility. I had a series of non-urgent but essential calls over the course of the day with gaps in between that were just too short to achieve anything significant. Bugger!

I started the first call of the day only to find that the host failed to turn up so took the opportunity to crack the whip behind the SMI who has still not managed to finalise their project element.

I then had a few minutes spare and investigated the recently discovered leak further by pulling down part of the ceiling in the back porch. The drip is very regular and the weather is dry which made me doubt the diagnosis of rain water ingress via the waste pipe vent. I guess that I was just hoping for the best but the more I look the more I think that we have a proper leak somewhere. I phoned 30% to discuss and she called Andy & Steve to discuss their approach to the bathroom refurbishment, which seems to be the focal point for the increasingly large damp patch upstairs. A&S confirmed that they had done a proper job but were more than happy to nip over at lunch time to have a look.

They arrived and were their normal cheerful selves. Within minutes they were drinking tea and peering in to the recesses of The Pile. After a quick inspection of the loft they informed me that it was necessary to cut in to the boxed in pipework in the bathroom and I gave them the thumbs up, just happy that progress was being made. After twenty minutes they had discovered that an old copper pipe had developed a pin prick hole and was spraying a constant mist of water on to the now sodden wall. They advised that they will apply a temporary patch tomorrow and find a day or so when they can come in and do a full repair including replacement of the full length of the elderly copper pipework.

It is fair to say that, despite the fact that this is a significant amount of work, 30% and I are both extremely relieved that the cause of the problem has been identified and we can now progress with repairs.

Back at work I was again scouring my project costs looking for errant sums. I contacted an American colleague about a significant cost that I hoped could be reduced and awaited their response. The cynic in me thought that my request would be rebuffed but I was wrong and half an hour later I had the go ahead to remove the best part of another million pounds from my project. This may be the final piece of the bridge that we need.

I ended the working day with a phone glued to my ear for ninety minutes on a training call. When the phone battery finally expired I asked myself why I had bothered to attend the call as I know that I didn't listen to a single sentence and spent the time dealing with emails and other exciting things.

So there we have it, a reasonable day, the source of the leak has been located and repairs arranged. I managed to reduce my project costs by one million pounds and the end of the week is one day closer. I also managed a late walk around the Three Miler with T&M.

I guess, on analysis, the day went better than I felt it had.

From Spanning the gulf ...

.. to New Horizons.

It is fair to say that, with hindsight, today demonstrated the child like approach Dante's Senior Daemons have towards their clients. Current ones are like old toys and are only played with under duress. They are soon chucked in the back of the toy cupboard and forgotten when a trip to the Toy Shop looks likely.

Tuesday's mission was to complete the "bridge". Basically this is a multi-tabbed, brightly coloured spreadsheet that presents the costs of the two iterations of my project, the costs that are actually being incurred delivering the current service and attempts to explain any differences in terms of new client requirements ...

... or fuck ups that we made, intentionally or unintentionally, when we delivered a price to delight in November last year.  That low price did the trick and client decided to proceed with Dante's Nine Circles of Hell as their sole supplier of choice but now the Hell is attempting to explain, or preferably remove, any cost increases.

The day went well and by early afternoon I had imported new sets of costs and added the additional scope from yesterday's flash of genius stroke of luck. With the careful application of smoke and mirrors my numbers were starting to look quite good indeed. Difficult discussions would still need to be had with the client but there is enough wriggle room for some "if you buy that we will also include this" type conversations.

Late in the afternoon I found time for a walk with T&M before returning and wrapping up with the EMEA Sales Exec as he is about to take time off and it will be over two weeks before we are both back in work. To be honest there is not a lot to do in that time and his final email, late in the day, diminished the amount of work even further ...

... it now looks like this deal will be tidied up and put in ice until the client is ready to sign. No major reviews are to happen until that point so all I have to do is get my bridge approved by the Account and Sector Execs and ensure that the SMIs all have their appropriate ticks in boxes. 

The reason for this sudden change in approach; a Senior Sales Director is calling out a significant number of deals about to come in and basically he doesn't want to waste time and resources on this pile of shite. I am now wondering what I will end up with when this pipeline starts to flow.

Away from work Chippy Ian called round this evening to give us a Professional opinion on the leak/damp situation. He thinks my conclusion is reasonable and that we should start with capping the vent pipe and then waiting to see if things start to dry out ...

... looks like my shopping list now includes a Dehumidifier.

Building Bridges

Today I had arranged to meet the EMEA Sales Exec at the nearest Circle of Hell to present our still unattractive numbers to a Business Unit Executive. The walk-through went reasonably well and after ninety minutes we closed down the call with a handful of actions to progress ...

... Basically we need to explain, or preferably remove, five or even six million pounds of cost and so we started to scratch our heads. We had already made a reasonable dent in this cost increase over the past two weeks but were still a couple of million quid short when I had a moment of realisation. The sun pierced the gloom as it dawned on me that it could be argued that the costs of supporting a recently acquired subsidiary company had not been fully costed in an earlier iteration of my solution but were so now.

We set to with a spreadsheet and a calculator and within a couple of hours had a much improved bridge to move from one set of costs to another. The only issue will be how much of this bullshit explanation the client will accept. Actually that is not the only issue. We know that I have a cost reduction from one element of my solution and an, as yet, unknown cost increase from another. We are currently guessing that these will give a further million pounds of cost increase to explain away.

I may have about seven hundred and fifty thousand pounds tucked away for this eventuality but, for the moment, I am keeping my gob shut.

I wish I had an inside project

Sunday featured a leisurely start as TP's rugby match had been cancelled due to the snow and ice. I made the most of this and wandered about the house drinking coffee and taking in the news bulletins. At a little after nine o'clock the 'phone rang and, after listening to 30%'s half of the conversation, it became apparent that the transfer of funds had made it through to the Dealer and her new car could be collected. There was therefore a period of enforced loitering until I was commanded to chauffeur her a few miles down the road at eleven o'clock sharp.  I left her filling in forms, drove back home and took T&M out for a walk around a bitterly cold Three Miler. We arrived home wet and frozen an hour or so later and were greeted with a warming lunch.

In the afternoon I headed out to the garage where I planned to select and prepare some elm for my box frame project. It was bitterly cold in the garage and a complete mess after the recent sessions on TP's electric ukulele. As a result I abandoned my plan and set to tidying up the mess and trying to restore some sense of order* ...

... it is fair to say that there is still some way to go but the tools are back in their proper places and there is far less sawdust on the floor. 30% and I have agreed to have a good couple of days at it, possibly taking advantage of one of the two Bank Holidays in May. I think that 30% thinks that it will just be a case of emptying as much as possible and giving it a good sweep through but I would really like to get an additional work bench thrown together and move some of the contents in to the front cellar to give me more space. I think that I will need to start chipping away at some of the smaller jobs to make it feasible to clear it up in a weekend.

 As the afternoon turned to evening I reached the point where I could make no further progress without starting to take items out of the garage. It was way too cold to start nipping in and out so I gave up, returned to the house and lit the fire instead.

Sunday evening was spent in front of the TV and my mind turned towards the week ahead. It could go one of two ways; steady or complete chaos. Knowing my luck it will be the latter ...

...looking on the bright side the EMEA Sales Exec is under the knife on Wednesday and Thursday and my Easter break starts on Good Friday so it will only be four days of pain.

---

* I find it interesting that, despite my quite clear requests, TP has yet to find his way in to the garage to pack tools away or sweep up piles of mahogany saw dust.

One step forward, two steps back ...

Last week TP noticed a patch of damp appearing on a wall on the Landing. This was concerning for a couple of reasons. Firstly, damp is usually found rising from ground level and secondly it was appearing on an internal wall. Today I performed some preliminary investigations and think I may have found the cause but have also left Chippy Ian a message to come over and give me a professional opinion.

I think that the leak may have arisen following Andy & Steve's bathroom refit back in 2010.  As part of this job they fitted a new toilet which involved removing the original WC and then splicing the new sanitary ware in to the original vented cast iron waste pipe. I have suspicion that they have left the upper portion of the waste pipe open at both ends which has allowed rain water to trickle down and, instead of running in to the waste system, is now seeping in to the walls causing the damp.

This is bloody annoying to say the least as it will as a minimum involve redecoration on the landing and could also necessitate tiling and decoration in the bathroom. It is of little consolation that the two rooms underneath have yet to be refurbished so at least there is no re-work there. And none of this work can be progressed until the leak is fixed and the damp is dried out.

Actually it is not bloody annoying I am really very pissed off about this. The upper story of the house had been completely refurbished and was looking splendid and now two of the rooms will look like crap for a good few months until this fuck up can be rectified.

Other stuff

We had further snow overnight and I awoke to a partial covering and snow continuing to fall. Fortunately the roads were reasonably clear as first job of the day was to take 30% over to collect her new car. That didn't go well either ...

... firstly the Dealer's card reader refused to operate which meant that 30% had to resort to internet banking to transfer the payment. Then the bank's fraud detection systems kicked in and refused to transfer the funds until 30% had contacted them in person via a 'phone number that didn't actually work. In the end we came home and I left 30% to sort things out whilst I took T&M for a walk around the snowy lanes.

Upon my return it transpired that 30% had managed to shift the money out of her account and we now just needed to wait until it landed in the Dealer's account. Unfortunately this didn't happen today and it looks like it will be early next week before we collect her car.

After lunch I recruited the assistance of 30% and TP and glued the kid leather lining to the inside of my box frame project. It needed all three of us to keep the leather taught whilst applying contact adhesive and positioning in the shallow box. It looks great and will make a perfect backing for the spear heads. It is just a bloody shame that I had planned to hang this on the landing wall where there is now a monstrous damp patch.

30% and TP then popped in to Stratford to pick up a case for the now completed ukulele whilst I completed the aforementioned damp investigations. They returned a little before four and by this time I had lit a fire and had started winding down.

Thoughts on a bad deal

Overnight there was a light snowfall and I awoke to half an inch of wet snow on the lawn. It didn't look like it would be around for long and most of it had disappeared before lunch time.

On the work front things were steady, straying towards quiet  and, to be honest, I did nothing to disturb a quiet day. The deal is due for an informal review with a Business Unit Exec on Monday. As a result I spent  time pulling together "facts" and figures in an attempt to allow a three-way comparison of two solution iterations and the current costs of delivering the service. To be honest this review is a little premature as two elements of the solution are still being refined. One has identified significant reductions whilst the other is likely to see a rise in cost. I am attempting to underplay the cost reduction and emphasise the possible increases in order to prevent the EMEA Sales Exec saying or doing something rash.

He wants to be in a position where we can preferably remove, or at least justify, cost increases over the price we presented in November and December last year. This is virtually impossible especially in view of the fact that rash decisions were made previously and costs were "scrubbed" to make a price point. Now we are presenting a firm price those costs need to be restored inflating our price. The fact that this is a contract renegotiation means that the client will not sign for a price higher than the one currently contracted for.

I have no magic wand and I think it will be down to the Sales Team to use weasel words and smoke and mirrors if they are to get the client to sign on the dotted line. In reality this will end up with a contract being signed with more aggressive delivery obligations and little or no extra revenue to fund them. I have attempted to insert protective terms in to the contract to provide a degree of protection but, in a five minute interlude this afternoon, I noted that the terms that had been inserted were as watertight as a colander. The interesting fact was that there were some quite tight terms for my colleagues in the Asia Pacific region but EMEA was not well supported. I am now wondering whether the EMEA Exec has been less assertive than he should have been ...

... whatever the reason the EMEA team are likely to be screwed within six months of this getting signed. The only possible salvation will be to attempt to address these contractual issues in the local agreements. Who knows whether this is feasible or not?

Away from work I took a walk with T&M and knocked off before five o'clock. By the time 30% came in from work I had the log burner up to temperature and thoughts of work were rapidly evaporating from my mind.  The early evening saw a trip over to Littleton Auctions to preview the lots but there was nothing to persuade us to bid in person. I have an inkling that 30% may make a couple of on-line bids though.

I hope she doesn't win that bloody accordion.

Have the screws arrived?

For most of this week this peculiar question has become TP's greeting upon his return from school. No "Hello Dad" or even "Hi" just a hopeful "Have the screws arrived yet?"

The reason for this is that the final stage of the electric ukulele project is to affix the chromium plated neck plate to provide reinforcement of the neck to body joint. This little metal plate was another challenge that fell to me ...

... full size guitar neck plates are freely available in the UK but this diminutive component could only be found on-line in Canada* and arrived in an amazingly short space of time for the princely sum of $8. Having obtained the neck plate the next task was to find chrome plated screws of the exact length and pitch to fix the plate to the body. I thought that this would be a simple trip to the nearest DIY store but after a few minutes on-line I realised that these were specialist items.** I eventually found a specialist firm in the Manchester area that would provide me with ten 32 x 4 screws for the best part of eight quid. Eight bloody quid for ten screws! I only need four of the damned things and the rest will sit in the garage for eternity. However they were needed and the order was placed last weekend.

The screws arrived this evening and I assisted TP with the drilling of pilot holes and fitting the plate. Twenty minutes later he had the strings back on and the little guitar plugged in to his amplifier. It looks and sounds great and we are hoping that he is is rewarded with a good grade*** for his Resistant Materials GCSE.

Why couldn't he make a table like the other Kids?

---

* and for some strange reason I appear to be the only person in the house who can a) use the internet to find things like this and b) have a Paypal account to buy the damned things
** is a pattern becoming apparent? TP's project needs a component so TP's Dad searches internet, locates, orders and pays for component
*** and for the rest of my life I will claim a good 45% of that grade

Fuming

I finished today later than expected and was quite annoyed ...

... for the past few weeks I have been tied to a bloody laptop trying to turn a fucked up Account in to a silk purse of an opportunity for a client. I have been piggy in the middle between a Sales Exec that wants it to cost virtually nothing, a Delivery Exec who wants me to add more and more expensive resource to cover her skinny arse and an Account Executive that hasn't got a fucking clue what she is doing. I think it fair to say that it has been a trying time.

So, when a Sales Exec crawled out of the woodwork and asked me for ten minutes of my time and a quick call I wasn't overly keen to get involved. The reason for my reticence was that she wanted me to reacquaint myself with a piece of work I did nine months ago and then compare it with seventy five pages of material that  she had thoughtfully attached to her e-mail. She went on to advise that there was a possibility of her needing a refined solution within the next 4 weeks.

Realistically her "ten minutes" was going to be an hour or more and her urgent need for a solution was going to require a full team so I politely advised that I was very busy and pointed her at the Resource Manager who would ensure she got the support she needed.

I stupidly copied my new manager on my response and late in the afternoon he called to basically slap my wrist and advise that I wasn't showing a "can do" attitude. As a result I was required to jump tracks and spend a couple of hours looking over a pair of documents and a very Rough Order of Magnitude costing that I threw together last July.

I wish I had just ignored her mail and pretended to be somewhere else.

I can see... that pin down there

From a work perspective today was a bit of a write-off. *

My day started with a trip to the local hospital for my annual eye review. This involves tests way beyond the normal chart of ever decreasing letter sizes and featured pressure tests, determination of corneal thickness and a full visual inspection of the blood vessels in my retina. It may sound horrific but it is all painless and after more than forty years of tests like these the Specialist advised that my retinas were in fantastic shape and consequently decided that future annual tests were not necessary as the regular retinal photography should pick up any problems.

The aforementioned eye test requires that my pupils are dilated to maximum size for the retinal examinations and it takes up to six hours for them to return to normal size and function. During this six hour period one is hypersensitive to bright lights and focusing on fine print is an impossibility. As a result working, with the exception of the occasional call, wasn't feasible until late in the afternoon.

The second reason for writing off Monday was that most of the SMIs I needed to interface were not at work. As a result things were quiet but blurry vision meant that I couldn't take much advantage of this enforced hiatus.

I had a couple of calls; the first was with the EMEA Sales Exec and last weeks moment of sanity seems to have taken hold and it now looks like we will finalise the solution over the next two weeks and will take it through the Delivery review process when I return from my Easter break. The second call was from my new manager who had obviously had his ear bent by his manager following the briefing call I had with her last Friday. He wanted an update on the status of the project and what assistance he could provide. After telling him the history of the project and the recent move to sensible timescales it was very tempting to tell him that his offer of assistance would have been more valuable three weeks ago when we were right in the shit but I tempered my response only giving him the right hand barrel on the shitty approach to resourcing and the fact that at least three of my SMIs work part time.

This second call wasn't a complete waste of time as I did manage to negotiate a "day off in lieu" following the intense hours I have recently worked. This means that I can take a full week off at Easter rather than having to work one day due to insufficient holiday.

Late in the afternoon my eyes returned to normality and I took T&M for a walk and then cleared my in-box. I then did something that I haven't done for far too long and rattled a few pots and pans in the kitchen. The result was a Chinese spiced beef curry and it will be served for dinner tomorrow.

---

* or was it? First action of the day was to send out a speculative resume. Whether it will lead to anything remains to be seen.

Busy but relaxing

Sunday started reasonably early too and I was out walking the dogs by nine o'clock and 30% took responsibility for dropping TP off at the rugby club. I had finished my walk by ten which gave time for a coffee before 30% and I returned to the club to watch the game ...

... and what a game it was. The pitch was very wet and, with two evenly matched sides, there was some incredibly sustained play for much of the match. At the end of the first half TP's team were five points to nil and TP claimed those points with his single try. The second half was equally tough and the opposition managed to equalise with a final score of 5:5. TP had a cracking game playing at both outside centre and full back and was involved in several of key defensive and attacking plays. At one point he picked up the ball from near his team's try line and ran it twenty yards or more up the pitch before being tackled in to touch by the opposition. In the muddy conditions he slid several yards in the liquid mud coming to a rest at our feet.

Leaving the club it was back home for a quick lunch and then 30% and I were out again. This time it was for a trip over to Broadway. We had seen an auction advertised for a local well know country house hotel that was about to have a major refurbishment. The few on-line pictures looked interesting so we headed over to see if the reality was anything like the catalogue descriptions ...

... unfortunately it wasn't. Basically the lots managed to convey an aura of a tired hotel that was unlikely to get repeat business. It all quite depressing and the eye candy catalogue items were not quite right and likely to fetch high prices. We left and dropped back in to Broadway for a chat and coffee with the Oranges & Lemons clan.

Ian O&L and I had a lengthy discussion about work and 30% and Rachel disappeared to talk about far more interesting things. As the afternoon loitered on the edge of evening we were forced to say our goodbyes as we had a dinner invitation at 30%'s parents' house for a belated celebration of her mum's birthday.

30%'s new toy

Despite a shattering week, I found myself awake a little before six this morning and thus had a very gentle start to my day with ample quantities of coffee and a healthy dose of TV news. 30% joined me a little after eight and forty minutes later we were stepping out through the door to go and see a car ...

... this one was at a car dealer only three miles down the road and was being sold by a friend of 30%'s brother. We were somewhat reassured by this and hoped that the adage you don't shit on your own doorstep applied, especially as 30% had placed a deposit on the car unseen.

I wandered around the little Audi in the rain and was pleasantly surprised at how good it looked for a ten year old car. The paintwork was not far off immaculate and there was only a slight dent in one of the sills that needed attention. We then took it down the road for a quick test drive and, as far as the Saturday morning traffic would allow, the engine and gearbox seemed good too. The only issue was a slight pull towards the kerb which we mentioned on our return. "No problem" said the Salesman "I'll send it off and have the tracking and 50 point check done as part of our sales preparation". I wandered around the car again and could see nothing troubling about the car. The rear disks would need changing at some point in the future but, as I keep telling 30%, what do I know, I'm no mechanic.

In the Office 30% reached a decision very quickly. If I am honest I think she knew she was going to buy it before she had even driven it and she will be collecting her new toy next weekend.

Back at home I entered a period of forced loitering; waiting for an appointment for a much needed haircut. As I mooched around the house I gave TP some assistance with the finishing touches of his electric ukulele project. My appointment was delayed by a good thirty minutes and so, by the time I climbed from the chair and paid my fee, the time I had set aside to walk T&M had been reduced to an inadequate duration and consequently further hanging around took place.

I eventually walked the dogs after lunch and returned feeling absolutely shattered. I settled on the sofa to watch the Italy vs Ireland Six Nations match and awoke about two hours later as the Wales vs England game was about to start! It was a fantastic game and was about the last thing I did today that is anywhere close to being worth recording here.

I guess that I am just so tired by the past few weeks at work that I really needed to just wind down.

A moment of sanity?

After banging my head against a proverbial wall for the past few weeks I have either reached the point where the EMEA Sales Exec is finally seeing sense or I have just damaged my brain so badly that I am now in a coma and living in an imaginary world constructed by my own wrecked frontal lobes.

I spoke to him fairly early on in the day  and he reported that he thought yesterday's sessions in London had gone well.* He then advised that he had had some discussions with the US Sales Exec and the Daemon** who manages the Business Unit that this deal falls within ...

... I think is is fair to say that is was these latter discussions that had really improved his mood as it looks like the pressure to finalise the EMEA costs has waned and he is now talking about taking the time to do things properly. I am all for this but if yesterday's sessions showed one thing it demonstrated that much of my solution was in a reasonable shape with only two areas that looked "iffy".*** With a fair wind I should get these sorted and be in a position to get this stage of the deal sorted before I take a weeks holiday starting from Good Friday.

With this glimmer of sanity illuminating my day I set about the normal series of calls and communications that would attempt to resolves today's set of issues. There is little else to say about the working day apart from the final briefing call with my second line manager where the Exec and I attempted to get her on board to assist with a particularly tricky issue that will most definitely require her support. ****

The big news of the day was on the home front, 30% may have found herself a new car. There is a small car dealership a few miles down the road and they have an Audi TT that may meet with her specific criteria,***** She has reserved and inspected it, rather than inspecting it and then reserving it, and a test drive is arranged for tomorrow.

---

* I could have sworn that his face looked like Thunder when I left and raced for the 19:22 from Paddington
** Now there is a sarcastic, bullshitting wanker if ever there was one.
*** one looks to be over costed and the other under costed. In view of the fact that I prepare models built from estimates one nets out the other so my total number is in the ball park.
**** a trifling matter of a few Service Level Agreements that we can't actually meet.
***** or it may be that she has just got bored with scouring the internet for every single Audi TT for sale within a 100 mile radius of home

Two Days in One

Up until today I had been making an effort to keep this working week under control and had been making reasonable progress. Both Monday and Tuesday were acceptable in terms of hours worked and included time for walks with the dogs.

Wednesday arrived and could probably be best described as the calm before the storm as Thursday was to be a war room session down in London to scrutinise and hopefully reduce my solution costs. I really could not believe how quiet Wednesday was. I had a few evenly spaced calls, the usual hassle from someone in India, who doesn't really know what is going on but needs to make a fuss in order to justify their presence, and very little else. By the time the clock had struck four I was chopping kindling and and settling down in the lounge in front of the log burner.

Thursday, however, was the complete opposite. I was out of bed before six and trundling over to Evesham in a freezing Land Rover to make the ten to seven train down to Paddington. I then spent a good forty minutes negotiating a tube system that featured a temporary closure at Paddington due to volume of passengers and a halted Jubilee Line train at Baker Street due to a "Passenger Incident" at London Bridge. I eventually wandered in to the war room at about nine thirty to hear the dulcet tones of IM issuing from a conference phone on the table. I ignored him, and the call, and set up my stall ready for the day. At this point I had already accumulated over three hours of travelling time and the working day had not yet started. It was going to be a long one.

The aim of the day was to review my solution costs with each of the SMIs, the Delivery Team that are currently providing service and the Sales Exec ...

... and that was the problem. The Delivery Guys wanted  more men on the ground and the Sales Exec thought that we could do it with 4 poorly trained simians from a location in the Far East. It is fair to say that the day was long and hard and not very fruitful. By six o'clock the SMI's had sensibly switched off their Instant Messenger applications which forced a close to the day.  If I hadn't stood firm the Sales Exec would have had me ringing them at home and having calls running in to the evening. He really does have no sense of personal space and time. As a result there will be more calls tomorrow to try to get to the bottom of this mess.

 I think the interim position is that the costs were actually higher than when the day had started. We have a better understanding of them and are able to justify much of them but the Execs face on my departure was the most thunderous I had ever seen him.

I did warn him this is how it would go.

It was another three and a half hour journey home which netted out at a fifteen hour working day; two days in one.