I should have travelled to London today

Tuesday started with an early call where solutions options and associated costs were reviewed. After an hour we had finished and I left with a short list of actions that would take me the best part of two hours to complete and summarise. This work all needed to be done in advance of the slightly after High Noon call where a decision would be made about our direction …

… The call got started at around twelve thirty five and I rattled through my summary of the two options; outlining the changes and the associated costs. These were discussed and the Sales VP summarised and advised which option he wanted to present. At this point the VP of the team who developed the rejected option decided to wade in and reiterate the arguments. However, this time he questioned whether the higher cost of the preferred option could be justified by the benefits it offered. The net result of this whiny soap box delivery was that the Sales VP wavered and, once again, refused to settle on either option. We are still progressing with two solutions. This means that we have two prices and two different sets of responses that need to be developed.

Does it need to be said that this is not the way to develop a winning Proposal?

At least I now had a direction and needed to update the cost model once again. I needed two separate cost inputs so requested these, settled, and waited for them to arrive. As I dawdled TP arrived home from College. This was perfect timing so I persuaded* him to give me a lift over to Alcester to pick up the latest acquisition.

Thirty minutes later I had flexed the plastic and was riding one of the UK's grottiest motorcycles back to The Pile. Despite it's hideous appearance it actually rides very well although the engine would benefit from a new carburettor and exhaust to allow a little more power to escape. Both of these are included in my grand vision so this is not an issue. Neither are the nasty corroded components as the bulk of these are destined for the recycling plant. The parts I need are the frame, engine, forks, wiring loom and wheel hubs and these all seem in reasonable condition although the forks will need some intensive refurbishment. The next step will be to photograph it and strip it down but that will have to wait until work eases up somewhat.

I didn't have time to scrutinise The Shitter** when I got back home. Instead it was straight back to the laptop to get my costs finalised and returned to the Pricer for the second iteration of pricing. I finished the day with an hour long call with my Boss going over the deficiencies of this hastily assembled, badly thought out solution and agreed a short list of actions what might actually be feasible before we need to set out our stall next week.

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* The miserable sod moaned about how little petrol he had which is somewhat galling after the years I have spent running him around the country AND the fact that he has yet to pay for a rather expensive pair of gig tickets I purchased on his behalf a few months ago.
** The term 30% used to describe it after her first encounter with this fine piece of Indian manufacturing

Will it ever work?

I forgot to mention that yesterday started with half an hour of Incident Management and Resolution. Before anyone leaps to incorrect assumptions, I was not working on the latest solution.

Basically I had been looking for an on-line motorcycle workshop manual and a Google search presented me with a link. I clicked the aforementioned url and within an instant found myself looking at a website that a) accused me of a variety of internet crimes I had definitely not committed and b) demanded payment to unlock all of my files. I realised it was a scam website immediately but the damned thing had, for want of a better phrase, locked up my Browser software. I now had no web access. Fortunately 30% was still asleep and therefore was not using the iPad … I grabbed and googled … within a few minutes I had located the fix and learnt how to force quit an application on a Mac and how to restart my browser without opening the windows from the previous session.

The reason I was hunting for a manual will become apparent later on but, for the moment, I will return to Monday's events.  The early part of the morning was spent in a discussion with my Boss about what the costs would look like for the hybrid solution that had been proposed towards the end of last week. I then spent a happy couple of hours modelling these and summarising them for the "Decision Point" meeting at seven o'clock this evening.

Once I had finished with the costs I had a relatively quiet afternoon. Basically the team cannot do anything until a decision is reached and we finalise what we will present to the client.  As a result I was able to take it easy and cruise through until five o'clock when I needed to stop work and take Whiffler to the Vet's for his final inoculation.

The Vet thought W was in fine form and he charmed everyone as he wriggled and squirmed his way around the Practice Reception. After a quick check over he was given his final shot and microchipped. It was then a quick visit to the scales to check his growth rate. He now weighs 8.6 Kg having put on 2 kilos in the past fortnight. Apparently this is perfect for a puppy of his age so there are no worries there.

Back at home I had an hour to kill before the seven o'clock Decision Point call. I pottered and snacked but avoided the temptation to indulge in a small glass of wine. The call was vital as we need a clear steer on what we are to propose to the client and are rapidly running out of time as we still need to complete pricing. At this point I should also stress that an eBay auction for my next project would finish ten minutes after the call and I was concerned about an over run …

… The call was erratic. Old sores were picked at and questions that would take days to answer were asked with the expectation of immediate and satisfactory responses. Eventually a decision was avoided and we now need to make further last minute adjustments to both options before a "final" decision is made tomorrow shortly after High Noon!*

It came as no surprise that the call over ran but I did make a successful bid and am now the [insert suitable adjective] owner of a 2006 Royal Enfield.**

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* As is becoming apparent the Piano Movers are late for everything!
** The good points are the low mileage, the full service history and the great engine. The bad points are that it has never been cleaned or kept under cover. As a result it is incredibly rusty. In fact it looks vile but it is a good starting point for a project bike.

The last ride of the year?

Today the weather was forecast to be good, cool but dry according to the Met Office, so I loosely planned to head out for a ride on one of the bikes. 30% had mentioned that she was going to head over to see her Mum and Dad and TP was out for the day with his Mother, so all of these needed to be dovetailed so that Whiffler was accompanied and amused rather than have to spend a spell in his crate.*

The original plan was that 30% would head out in the morning leaving me with the afternoon to do whatever I wanted. The fact that she was still wandering around the kitchen in her pyjamas at eleven thirty suggested that there had been some revision to this proposal and that I had, once again, been dropped from the distribution list.** I enquired about this change of plan and it transpired that she now intended to pay her folks a visit much later in the day so I still had the afternoon free to head out for a ride.

30% the decided that she should apply her considerable planning skills to my morning and started making suggestions that included walking the dogs or heading out for a ride before lunch. I pointed out that for forty to sixty hours each week I was chained to a laptop with other people deciding how my times should be apportioned … With work as intense as it is the last thing I need at the moment is to have someone else attempt to organise my free time too. That, to me, is very much a contraction in terms.

A lap of the Three Miler was completed in the Autumn sunshine. This was followed by lunch and then the Enfield was rolled out of the garage. I had decided that I quite fancied a visit to the National Motorcycle Museum in Solihull so that is what I did. It has been many years since my last visit, which was before the devastating Museum fire in 2003, and it was fantastic to take a look at over one hundred years of British Motorcycle history. If I had one suggestion it would be good if a few more machines could be seen side on. The bikes are certainly packed in and some of the exhibits could do with a bit of breathing room.

I headed home after an hour of so of wandering around the halls and arrived home to find TP back from his day out with his Mum and siblings. 30% returned about forty minutes behind me and we settled in for a quiet evening as the working week starts again tomorrow.

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* He is quite happy in there and uses it voluntarily when he fancies a snooze but we would rather that he was interacting with us and the dogs as much as possible rather than being shut away for our convenience.
** This is a common occurrence and the warning signs are statements that start with "Do you remember me telling you" or "I am pretty sure I mentioned".

If I do any less they will be checking my pulse

Saturday was just what I needed …

I took a wander around the lanes with T&M in the morning and had a very refreshing kip on the sofa in the afternoon. In the early evening 30% and I headed out to the Supermarket to replenish dwindling supplied before we settled down for dinner in front of the TV.

For the first time in many weeks I actually felt quite refreshed and relaxed and am looking forward to getting past the next ten days. Once the client presentation has been delivered we enter a waiting period but at that point I know that we will have done all that we possibly can and it is all down to the client.

As this end point approaches I am already starting to get itchy fingers and am looking for something else to occupy my mind and hands … I can't wait.

I do have one further modicum of news … TP started his new job* this evening at one of the Pubs in the village. His first shift was pot washing but he has been offered variation in the form of bar work and waiting on tables in the restaurant too. The shift went well and he arrived home having been kept busy and with promises of further regular shifts.

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*  Unfortunately the "Handcart and Fortified Structure" closed down at the beginning of the Summer leaving TP on the scrap head of the unemployed at the tender age of seventeen. After taking a few weeks off he dished out a few speculative CVs around the local Hostelries and and seems to have landed a peach of a job just five minutes walk down the road.

If they aren't worried then neither am I.

I started work this morning and saw a second Executive Review scheduled for five o'clock this evening. I perused the invitee list and thought the right individuals would be assembled to make a decision on our direction. I took time out in the morning to assemble a high level view of our costs that would align with the hybrid delivery model that had been suggested. I also had the opportunity to scrutinise the less costly solution option and it is fair to say that it is a reasonable approach but lacks key elements that the client is specifically asking for. With these preparatory actions completed the rest of my day looked pretty easy until the aforementioned call at five.

As lunchtime approached I nipped out and took a short drive over to Alcester to take a look at the potential project. Again, there is not much point going in to detail as the eBay auction is far from over and the price lurches ever higher. The article is as described which only encourages me to bid higher than I probably should … roll on Monday evening when the decision point will be reached.

The remainder of the afternoon dawdled by and eventually five o'clock chimed. The call went well and I felt that I had presented my case effectively and covered the key elements that are missing from the low cost option. However the assembled Management still failed to make a decision and the next checkpoint is Monday evening … leaving us only four days to get this damned thing priced documented and emailed back to the client!

I had a short debriefing call with my Manager and we then all raced through an early supper before heading over to Malvern to see a play at The Winter Gardens Complex. Adrian's Wall is a locally written and piece which, after a slightly "am dram" start, turned out to be a rather enjoyable comedy about three primary school friends meeting up after 30 years to walk the length of Hadrian's Wall.

The play was a useful diversion to clear my mind of work and a rather enjoyable start to the weekend.

Drifting

It is fair to say that we urgently need direction on what we should be pricing and presenting to the client. Overnight a suggestion has been outlined that involves a weird hybrid of the two solutions utilising the low cost delivery of one with the management and expertise of the other.

The day was spent exploring this suggestion but it still needs to be ratified by the potentially impacted Directors before we can take it forward.

It is fair to say that we are drifting and it may well be that lack of time forces a decision.

Executive Review

Wednesday was the big day. A review had been scheduled with the Executive in charge of the Industry Sector I work in. Our slides were honed and polished and we all assemble promptly as we only had thirty minutes of his time. The Sales Lead performed the introduction and outlined the decision we were seeking from the Grand Poobah.  He then handed over to me and I started the narrative for my first slide. This should have taken about a minute but then the questions came. They weren't particularly hard and it certainly wasn't an aggressive interrogation but each one led to another and before I knew it The Grand Poobah was asking questions to other attendees on the call. He even made a helpful suggestion about quoting for services that weren't in the scope of the RFP!

This continued for the next twenty minutes with GP ignoring the presentation we had assembled and just pinged questions about whatever leapt in to his head to any of the assembled minions. As the half hour marker rapidly approach the Sales Lead timidly asked if we had a hard stop or whether we could extend the discussion. GP said it was a hard stop so the comparison slide was thrown up for all to see …

… Needless to say, no decision was given and we still have two solution options with only a week and a half to finish off our Proposal.

The Cynic in me thinks that the Grand Poobah had certainly not been pre-briefed about the nature of the call as I can see no other reason why he would put the presentation so far off course … unless of course he just didn't want to make a decision.

We now sit rudderless waiting for the Sales Lead to tell us which solution we are to present to the client.

What can go wrong will go wrong

It was all going so well. The costs were in with the pricing team. The slides were drafted and refined for tomorrow's Executive Briefing Call. All that was needed were a set of outstanding costs from one of  the Solution Teams. What could possibly go wrong?

As the afternoon drew to a close the RFP team joined a call and that is where it all went a little askew. It is fair to say that tomorrow will involve a long discussion with the pricing team and I am likely to be rushing to complete the cost summary in the last few minutes before the briefing call if the missing costs  turn up. It is not a complete disaster and these are not problems of my teams making but it is us that need to resolve them with only hours available rather than days.

In spite of this nonsense I actually had a fairly quiet day and by the time these last minute activities were defined it was way too late to get them started anyway. It will all need to be done first thing tomorrow morning. I therefore finished at a reasonable hour and had a relatively pleasant evening.

In my spare time today I came across a potential project to occupy me for the next few months. There is  little point giving away too many details at present as it is all dependent on the closing price of an eBay auction. That isn't until next Monday evening and I don't like the way the price is rising!

Significant Milestone Passed

Today I headed in to the nearest depot at a very early hour. During Friday's call with the Pricer it had been agreed that a face to face walkthrough might be beneficial in order to get her to do the job she is paid to perform. I had therefore arranged a two hour long session with her and her boss to once again explain what was required of her.

The morning was spent with my head deep in the numbers ensuring that Friday's cost updates were included in the summary for this Wednesday's Executive Presentation. Most of the morning was spent automating and checking this process and what little time I had spare was devoted to printing reading material for an upcoming training course.

Lunch was eaten at my desk and I threw together a matrix that attempted to illustrate the RFP scope, the associated solution elements and pricing template for the Pricing Team … Their prompt engagement is vital if we are to submit a priced proposal on time and I find their reluctance to engage both confusing and frustrating.

Eventually the appointed hour arrived and I wandered down to their lair and settled in for a two hour session. Within the first ten minutes the Pricing Director was positively effusive with his compliments. The matrix would normally be an output of the meeting so to have it presented at the start was a big plus. I then started to provide an overview of the costing template and he advised that it was the best example he had seen. Having made a good first impression the rest of the session went smoothly and we had soon covered all the main points and I walked out after an hour with the simple action to load the cost template in to the workflow management tool and await their advices.

This is a significant milestone passed and I celebrated by packing up early, heading home and taking T&M for a walk around the lanes …

… The Badger corpse is still there, slightly more swollen, but still relatively odour free!

New route needed, preferably free from badger corpses

Sunday started at a god-awful hour … Thanks Whiffler! I raced downstairs and completed the flurry of sequential activities necessary to get him outside for a pee rather than the slower alternative that involves being on ones hands and knees to clean up a "puddle". I then eased up, made coffee and tried to do as little as possible, in view of the fact that I had been robbed of at least an hour of sleep.

As eight o'clock approached three teenage lads emerged from their tent in the garden and wandered in to the house. I pointed them in the direction of the lounge and took an order for beverages. After serving them with the aforementioned drinks I headed out to the garden and encouraged TP and Peanut from their tent, advising that it was his duty, not mine, to entertain his friends.*

The only significant activity in the morning was a wander around the Three Miler with T&M. There was nothing much to report from the walk until we were wandering back in to the village and Marauder wandered over to sniff at a familiar looking lump. A badger had been run over and it's corpse was lay on the verge … in a few days that is going to ripen and that section of the walk is not going to be pleasant.**

We then had an early lunch and 30% and I headed over to Stratford for a few essentials and a wander around a couple of shops. Stratford was packed with idiot tourists and I was glad to be out of there as quickly as possible. We headed home via the supermarket and before long I was to be found snoring on the sofa.

And that, summarises my Sunday. I did take a quick peek at my e-mail but there was nothing that needed anything more complicated than simply filing in a folder.***

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* They are a good bunch of lads and I do like them but not first thing on a Sunday morning!
** Finding a diversion around the putrid corpse is going to be challenging.
*** There were a set of updated costs but they can be summarised and manipulated on Monday morning.

Saturday and other stuff

Argh! This morning Whiffler decided to wake early … I drew the short straw and had to amuse him from well before six o'clock until the rest of the house stirred closer to nine. I was tired enough without being cut short of sleep and knew that a long kip on the sofa would be needed later in the day.

As with previous weekends I took things gently today due to my exhausting workload. However, I did notice that I had a real urge to be somewhere else today. I guess this is a reaction to being confined to The Pile with little time or energy for activities other than work and rest.  Despite the urge, finding the motivation was somewhat more challenging.

Early in the morning there was a knock at the door and a huge parcel arrived. I had been expecting a delivery but the box was about three times larger than expected. It was an order of tools and it's arrival gave my morning a purpose … I spent a happy few hours in the garage sorting out my toolbox and general tidying. It was activity without real thought and I found it incredibly relaxing to be left alone to potter without intrusion or demand.

Lunch followed and a full stomach instantly told my body that I needed to sleep. I did what any sane person would do and headed for the sofa where I used low grade television programming as my lullaby of choice. I woke a couple of hours later and didn't feel particularly refreshed but eventually found the energy to take a walk around the Three Miler with T&M.

On my return I had time for a cup of tea before I finally escaped the confines of house and village and took a short drive to drop TP off at a local music festival. He had planned to meet up with Peanut and some of their friends and do whatever seventeen year olds do at a Festival before returning on the Festival Bus and spending the night in tents in our garden.*

The result of this was that 30% and I spent a quiet evening at home with the dogs enjoying dinner on our laps in front of the television.

Other Stuff
An interesting relationship has developed already between Whiffler and Marauder over this past week. Marauder is the more nervous of our original pair and initially she was incredibly apprehensive of Whiffler. On his arrival she would literally leap away if he came anywhere near her. Things are very different now now that she has realised his play potential. They already partake of incredibly energetic games which features Whiffler hanging from M's ears and, alternately, M bowling W over with her front paws. It looks quite alarming but, at no time, are there any yelps and it is apparent that this is all just very physical play.

Lord knows what this will manifest in to when Whiffler has grown to his adult size. He is likely to be even larger than Marauder and the thought of two 30+ Kg dogs play fighting across the living room is an alarming one.**

Whiffler's relationship with Tyson is more straightforward. She is the top dog and quite happy to have him around, sharing her space and food with him. However, there is less play and she is keen to ensure that he understands his place in the pack hierarchy, giving him regular, grumbly admonishments if he steps out of line.

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* No overnight camping for under 18s!
** especially if Tyson decides to join in.

PRINTEDShe's had some work done ...

I breathed a huge sigh of relief as I woke and realised that it was the last working day of the week. A second positive thought stirred in my sleepy brain when I saw that it was quarter past seven … this meant that 30% must have woken and attended to Whiffler as he currently wakes at about twenty past six.

I shambled down the stairs and had a gentle start to the day rather than the new routine which involves getting Whiffler emptied in the garden, feeding him his breakfast and then clearing up the extra widdle that he trickles on to the Hall floor just to keep me on my toes.

As I was mooching around the house, before I made a start on work, the 'phone rang and TP answered it. After a few moments he looked puzzled and handed the handset over to me. It was another scam call from the same bunch that called yesterday. I played along with them for a while until I got bored with the utter rubbish they spouted. I then terminated the call with some clear guidance about not calling our number again.

I then settled to work … the day was mostly number crunching and attempting to give our Pricer an understanding of them in advance of pricing. Christ she is a real pain in the arse! She has a very high opinion of herself as a result of being the only fish in a very small pool. The consequence of this is that every thing has to be done her way and she will do as little as possible in the way of grasping the detail of the task in hand. I had given her prior notice of the task, had presented the pricing documentation and even had calls with her but none of this has been absorbed. She simply has not engaged with either myself or the commercial team to gain an understanding of what needs to be done and now sits and snipes at every point she can. She also has a nasty tendency to hide behind her manager or to go behind one's back to management if things don't go the way she likes. I have previously worked with some very experienced Pricers and this individual isn't fit to fetch their coffee let alone share their job description.

Right, now that I have got that rant out of the way, I'll get to the title of today's Journal entry. As 30% has matured she has developed a few large moles on her left cheek and has finally decided to have them removed. So today she headed off to a Private Clinic in Birmingham and returned a few hours later with four very neat sets of stitches on her cheek and her wallet a few hundred pounds lighter. The cost is irrelevant. She has hated having the moles and is over the moon with he work that has been done … and she should be. The surgery looks terrific and this is only a few hours later with stitches still present and incision marks still showing. Once healed it will look incredible and I am delighted for her … although this did not stop me making a couple of jokes about her returning with a bleeding skull instead of a face in much the same way Nick Cage looked in Face Off.

The working day closed at a civilised five thirty and I headed around the Three Miler for a walk and a wind down with T&M. There is work to be done over the weekend but that it it for Friday and it is definitely time for nuts and wine.

A lull in the storm

Thursday, Thursday, what can I write about Thursday?

It was fairly quiet and I took full advantage of this after the mayhem of the past few weeks. I spent much of the morning documenting assumptions and much of the afternoon on calls. The working day finished at a very civilised half past five and I spent the early evening munching pistachio nuts and drinking a glass of wine.

Now you see why I started this Journal entry the way I did. Nothing much happened ... it is probably the calm before the storm that will happen next week as pricing and Executive Reviews take place.

There was a short moment of idiocy when an Indian Gentleman rang me purporting to be from a Computer Support Organisation. Apparently, as far as I could discern from his heavy accent, my computer was sending out many error reports and he had called to help me resolve this … Yeah Right! I played along for a few minutes and then he asked me to turn on my computer. I asked why I needed to turn it on as, if it was sending error reports, surely it must be running already. At this point the line went dead and I assume he went of to find another victim.

Getting There

Today I finally pulled together my first complete* set of solution costs today just in time for an executive review and commercial guidance session late in the afternoon. I now have a price target and am just about ready for ninety minutes of fun with the Pricer at the back end of the week. I still need to make a few tweaks and tidy up the documented assumptions but I am just about there.

For the first time in a good few weeks I also managed to break away from the laptop with enough time to walk T&M around the Three Miler before Dinner. It was lovely to be out but I am pretty exhausted and am looking forward to the submission date at the end of the month ...

… Just before I finish this entry I will take a slight detour and make a couple of observations about the RFP we are working on. It is an appalling document and incredibly poorly managed. After the first read through we had assembled a vast set of questions; asking for sample documents and statistics, requesting clarification about inconsistencies and detail where the author appeared to have stopped and gone off to the pub. The client has take a drip feed approach to answering these and, to be honest, their responses add little if any value and they are still way off completing the list with only a couple of weeks before we need to submit our Proposal.

The latest cock up relates to the Proposal submission date which was originally in the third week of September. Last week we received a communication from the client advising that the submission date had been pushed out by a week. This week we checked and were told that was a mistake on their part. We then had to request the extension and were promptly granted it … This is a fine example of professional procurement services for you!

I should add that the client is no small enterprise. It is a global corporation that uses Tier 1 Outsourcing Providers for delivery of many of it's core IT functions. So how come it is so fucking appalling at managing this RFP process?

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* Think complete in the same way that you would expect a box of assorted lego, that you buy at a car boot sale for 50p, could be reassembled in to complete lego models…

…  I quite like this analogy as it covers costs that have been forgotten. Lego's "8 bit" nature also covers the fact that I have produced a model rather than a representation of reality and you can also swap parts from one lego kit to another if you need to …. as is often the case when these solutions are implemented.

Happy Anniversary

Today I completed my first year as a Piano Mover Jnr at The Neat & Tidy Piano Movers. Twelve whole months have passed since I walked in to The Reception in Redditch, was presented with a temporary pass and then sat around, for what seemed like days on end, waiting to get a Laptop and some idea of what I should be doing.

Well, I am still here. My laptop is on it's second keyboard and I have a slightly better idea of what I should be doing most of the time. I recall a discussion with my Boss a few months ago about the general lack of clarity and my reliance on what seemed like a common sense approach and he laughed, agreeing that he approached the job in the same way.

I suppose I should attempt to carry out some form of summary of my first year, perhaps comparing and contrasting it with my previous role as a Junior Daemon in Dante's Nine Circles of Hell, but I think the only important measure is how I feel in general having made the move. I know that I am much happier as a Piano Mover despite the chaos and the fact that we are attempting to build cars with bicycle components. * I have a manager who respects and values my input, lets me know this and actually has experience of the work I do. This, believe me, has an incredible impact on a job and is so different to the brown nosed fuck wits** Dante's saw fit to employ to manage key teams developing Technical and Organisational environments for new clients.

At the moment I am exhausted at the end of each working day but there have also been days when I have been far from busy. This work is cyclical in nature and this is one thing that has not changed as I moved from one job to another. What I do know is that the Piano Movers are happy to allow me lead multi million dollar opportunities with less than a year's experience under my belt whilst my last year at Dante's had me work on shitty contract renegotiations or being farmed out to help on other Solutioner's deals. Now do you see what I mean when I say that I am happier and feel valued …

… Oh, and the money is bloody good too!

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* This is obviously an analogy. Nether do we move pianos
** There were a couple of notable exceptions but they were still constrained by the general management system and approach

Definitely missing all the fun

This morning I found myself suited and stood on the platform 2 at Evesham Station waiting for the 7:48 in to Paddington. My feet didn't make contact with platform 1 again until half past ten this evening when I finally arrived back in my home county. It was a long day, I was shattered and somewhat annoyed …

… As the day in London drew to a close it became apparent that our Sales Lead had "lost sight of the ball".  On the last call of the day I questioned him about his travel plans now that the RFP submission date had been pushed back by a week. After repeated explanation he grasped this simple concept and finally admitted that he had no awareness of this, despite issuing the client communication containing that very important fact. This was a head in hands moment as I realised that he has no real interest in this opportunity and is already dropping his hook in other ponds hoping that the rag, tag and bobtail team we have managed to assemble will deliver a winning solution with the associated Sales bonus … what a Prick!*

At home 30% had been left to manage a day with significant canine elements. T&M needed to be dropped off at the Groomers early in the morning and their evening collection needed to include a detour via the Vets where Whiffler was to receive his first inoculation. I came home from London to listen to tales of adoring Groomers and Veterinary Surgeons as the puppy charmed everyone he met.** His weight has increased by 20% and he is now 6.6 Kg up from 5.5 Kg last week. His next visit will be in a fortnight's time for his second and final shot.

So that just about sums up my day … I added six hours of road and rail travel in to an already long day and definitely missed out on the fun and frolics here at The Pile.

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* incidentally, This is the word my Boss used to describe the Sales Lead when I was first assigned to this opportunity.
** and then left them with a slightly damp arm .. You know … the one that had been cradling his midriff

Day of rest

I was, once again, dragged from my slumbers by a full to the brim Whiffler at around six o'clock, so headed downstairs where I grabbed my keys released him from his crate, got the back door unlocked and got him out in the garden before he had managed to pee ... Result!

I then brewed coffee and did my best to amuse both the puppy and myself for the next few hours until 30% deigned to rise.The most significant activity of the morning was a quick trip in to Redditch for a few errands. I then finally settled at my laptop and spent the couple of hours before lunch clearing my emails and starting to collate the various costs of the latest solution. Although I had not wanted to work over the weekend I actually achieved a reasonable amount in the two hours I grudgingly allocated and now have a clear approach I can follow as the remainder of the costs trickle in.

After lunch 30% and I headed around the Three Miler with T&M leaving TP and Peanut to ice the cup cakes they had made earlier in the day. It goes without saying that tea and cakes were consumed as we relaxed after the walk. I then spent a couple of hours contemplating the inside of my eyelids, eventually waking as afternoon turned to evening.

30% served a proper Sunday Roast and we then spent the evening in a fruitless search of the TV schedules for something watchable. In the end we settled for a couple of documentaries I had recorded over the preceeding weeks. I finally headed upstairs at a relatively early hour as I need to be in London tomorrow. An early start will be in order and shaving before I go to bed gives me another ten or twenty minutes of sleep time.

Taking it easy

The recent arrival of Whiffler has meant that I now need to rise around six rather than seven o'clock. This is the point by which his tiny bladder has filled to capacity and he has woken yelping to be let out for a pee. This morning 30% performed this duty and entertained the pup for an hour so that I managed to sleep in until a relatively pleasant seven o'clock. I say relatively pleasant as I was awoken by having a wriggling puppy placed on the bed and as he climbed  over my head I once again became familiar with that suspicious dampness in his midriff!

I rose and wandered downstairs leaving 30% to return to bed as she is not an early riser. I spent the early hours of the morning pottering, drinking strong black coffee and re-reading a novel on the kindle. All of these activities were interspersed with supervision of Whiffler as he explored, barked, upset Eddie* or peed. As nine thirty approached I gave 30% a call as we were expecting a visitor. She wandered downstairs five or ten minutes later and looked absolutely awful … a migraine. She headed back upstairs to do the only thing she could … lie in a darkened room until the symptoms dissipated.

Martyn; our visitor arrived around ten for a discussion about reconstruction of our garden wall and remodelling the hideous steps that lead up to our front door. Both of these jobs benefit from the input of a Structural Engineer as "ground level" at The Pile is five or six feet above the street level so the garden wall is a retaining structure and ten or more steps need to be ascended to reach our front door. We discussed the various options and pitfalls and Martyn rapidly understood his brief. Hands were shaken on a cash deal and he was off to mull over design ideas and come up with some drawings.

The remainder of the morning was taken up with a much needed walk around the Three Miler with T&M. Lunch followed and the afternoon was spent relaxing and receiving guests as 30% had invited her Mum and Dad over for a viewing of the new puppy.

As afternoon turned to evening 30% appeared and looked much brighter than she had this morning. A chinese takeaway was collected by TP and Peanut and, once consumed, we all collapsed in front of the TV to watch a film together.

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* Eddie: our three legged cat. He is nicknamed Eddie Percent after loosing a hind leg and his tail after a car accident. He is well aware of having used up eight of his nine lives and takes no crap from any of the dogs. Whiffler has already received a severe hissing followed by a swipe across his nose when the silly sod didn't realise that you don't mess with cats.

I barely mention work in this entry

For two glorious minutes I thought that it was Saturday as I wandered downstairs, barely awake, to let Whiffler out of his cage and take him out for a pee. Momentarily I revelled in thoughts of having the whole day to do as I like and then, as I liberated the puppy from his crate, reality intruded and I realised I had one more day chained to my desk* … Oh well, at least it is Friday.

I hit the in-box early as I was aware that I would be taking an hour out of my day late in the morning …

… BMS and SMS called around eleven o'clock to meet and greet Whiffler. He charged around like a deranged lunatic and I think it is fair to say that they were both charmed by the little cream monster. They also handed over a stack of newspapers which are a staple during these early weeks.

On the subject of toilet training he is quite good already. He came to us paper trained and will perform when taken outside to the garden. That is not to say that there are no accidents and a roll of absorbent paper and a spray bottle of disinfectant are always close to hand. Another surprising thing is that he is not daunted by T or M and has already discovered their play potential. This evening he was to be seen chewing the end of Tyson's tail … she wan not impressed!

I'll not bore with a detailed recollection of the working day. It was busy but, being Friday, ended at a reasonable hour. I need to polish a spreadsheet over the weekend but at least I can do that without the interruption of calls, instant messages and emails … just a standard poodle puppy tugging at the leg of my jeans.

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* I wonder if I have come across a new universal truth something along the lines of conservation of energy? I walk downstairs and think that I am free. Whiffler is in his crate and is therefore constrained. As I release Whiffler from his cage there is a transference of the state of liberty. He most definitely become free from restraint which is then transferred to me as I realise that it is a working day and I am to be tied to my laptop. If this is ever proven it should be called Whiffler's Law

Moving slowly forward

I had grand plans for the day's deliverables and achievements … it is fair to say that few of them came to fruition. I really needed to make significant progress on my costings but instead got dragged in to a series of equally important dialogues and conversations about other aspects of the project and solution. The way things are going I think my weekend will involve a good few hours peering at a spreadsheet. Mind you, at present, I have no bloody costs to insert anyway!*

I did manage to slay one daemon today which meant that I ended the day in a more positive frame of mind … One of the Client requests is for us to populate a spreadsheet with over one thousand separate price points. This would be a Herculean task at the best of times but with the limited timeframe and lack of detail it is virtually impossible. As an alternative I proposed a much simpler approach involving three price points for the four major Geographies. My Boss agreed that this was the best way forward and so the Sales Lead was advised.  I'm not really sure he really understands the proposal but he hasn't said no and therefore he is getting what I am offering … by the time the metaphorical light bulb illuminates it will be too late to do anything further anyway.

On the home front I am still chained to the laptop for most of the day and collapsed on the sofa for less of the evening than I would have preferred. We have noted that T&M are slowly coming around to the fact that Whiffler is here to stay and are starting to interact with him rather than just ignore him. ** This evening they were all charging around the lawn together and later Whiffler was seen chasing Marauder around the island in the Kitchen … cute at the moment but chaos in the future when they are all full grown and Tyson joins in,

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* They are, however, on their way and the brief preview of them suggests that they are vast and complex.
** or growl at him!

Wishing a short chunk of my life away

It is fair to say that I was not at my most enthusiastic today. I spent most of the day chained to the laptop  and reached the point where I literally could not sit and look at it any longer … it was almost like having a headache but without the pain. I just had to get up, wander around and be able to look in to the middle and far distance rather than have my view terminate twenty inches from the end of my nose.

The only fresh air I got was a brief spell in the garden kicking a ball around with the dogs and a short spell in VI's plot waiting for his chickens to decide to go to bed.* Other than that I was at the laptop or slouched on a sofa. It may be a grim experience but the job is cyclical and these periods of peak activity always have a set end date … I just cant wait for 19th September.

The positive point from today was that I made a start on the cost model and actually managed to get a simple sub-set of costs presented to the Pricer. The finalisation of the cost model is, however, a vast task and likely to be nightmare inducing.

As I just said, roll on 19th September.

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* There is no way I was going in to the run and herding them in to the coop having had previous experience with the evil cockerel that leads his small flock.

Tuesday and knackered already

Tuesday was another long day.

This morning I headed in to The Depot, stopping off to let out VI's chickens on the way. I arrived early enough to get a space in the small car park in front of reception which gives an idea of how far ahead of the most Piano Movers I was.

I'll not bore with details of the day other than to say that it was long and, whilst productive, nowhere near as productive as it really needed to be. The main issue is that we have very little time to pull everything together and many want to add huge amounts of detail and problem resolution. To use an artistic analogy; this is a preliminary sketch or rough out of the picture. We do not have time to break out the oil paint for this phase of the project.

I eventually headed home around half past three. "Ah" I hear you think "the lazy sod is taking the afternoon off"… no, in actual fact, the lazy sod was getting home for calls that ran from four until six and, further in to the evening, another from eight until nine.

VI's poultry eventually got shut up by torch light and I slumped on the sofa for a couple of hours before dragging myself to bed.

What's wrong with Whiffler?

So, which is worse; Networking Outsourcing tribulations or new Puppy tales? I am guessing that is going to be mostly one or the other for the next few weeks.

I'll stay away from work for today's Journal entry, as it is very much a case of more of the same, and will instead cover day two with the new puppy …

… My suggestions for it's name were rejected by all parties but we have finally found one we can all agree on*. His name is a much shortened form of a Samuel Clemens character and I am sure he will grow in to it. My suggestion will not, however, go to waste and in the annals of The Journal he will forever be known as Whiffler.

Today's main event was his check up at the Vets. I wanted to get this completed as soon as possible as I didn't want us to get too attached if, God forbid, we found that he had a congenital health issue and he needed to be returned to the Breeder. Fortunately Whiffler was found to be in fine fettle although, perhaps, slightly underweight. That latter issue will soon be a distant memory with 30% in charge of his dietary needs.

So now we know he is in good health we can relax and start enjoying his antics. T&M are slowly coming around to his presence and are even starting to interact when he gets playful. There are, however, a few warning grumbles if he steps out of line.

We will back at the vet's in a weeks time for inoculations.

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* to a greater or lesser extent

What have we done?

This morning and, to be honest, for most of the day I felt absolutely exhausted. I may have drank and gone to bed late but neither of these were excessive and certainly nowhere near sufficient to warrant the level of tiredness I felt today.

This morning I headed out around the Three Miler with T&M and must have met half of the Village. One of these encounters was fortuitous as it was with Martyn; the Civil Engineer who drew up the plans for the extension we had in 2007. For some time we have been considering remodelling the steps that lead up to the front door and also rebuilding the collapsed wall that forms the boundary with the road. We have found a bricklayer who seems willing to do the job and just needed some designs and advice on potential interactions with the local authorities … a meeting has been arranged for next Saturday morning.

The rest of the morning and early afternoon was spent doing very little at all. I headed up to see VI as I will be looking after his chickens for the week while he heads up North for a stay in Berwick Upon Tweed. I also dragged the Enfield from the garage and headed over to the auto-bank at Tesco to make a couple of withdrawals …

… as the afternoon drew to a close all three of us piled in to the car and headed up the motorway towards deepest, darkest Willenhall. After a forty minute drive we reached our destination and faced an agonising decision. In the end we decided on this one …

Just what I needed

This morning I woke and relished the freedom that the weekend gives. After a leisurely breakfast I headed off for a walk with T&M whilst 30% headed off to the Hairdressers for some serious welding work. I arrived home about an hour later feeling somewhat refreshed, having taken some exercise and been out in the fresh air for the first time since Monday. The house was empty, as TP had spent the night as Peanut's house, so I settled on a sofa and put my head in a book for an hour or so just to further my state of relaxation.

As lunch time neared TP returned from Worcester and 30% emerged coiffed and ready to face the world. We ate and then 30% and I headed in to Redditch for groceries. As we neared the supermarket 30% suggested that I drop her off and drive on to the Barber's to see how long the queue was. I jumped at the option of sitting in a packed Barber's shop instead of wandering Tesco's aisles and a few minutes later I was sat in the aforementioned establishment leafing through a boxing magazine and wondering if I was the only one there without tattoos.*

Thirty minutes later I wandered out, brushing the hair from my neck, having been shorn by a lad no older than TP. He had done a great job and I had also managed to avoid half an hour of aimless wandering in that cavern of comestibles that is Tesco. I drove down to the supermarket and soon tracked down 30%. Before long we had paid, packed and were heading back to The Pile.

While we were away TP had done a fantastic job of tidying the house and after a coffee break I needed something do in order to avoid unpleasant domestic duties. I therefore wandered out to the garage and dragged the Porn Mower from it's lair. Within moments I was striding noisily up and down the lawn safe in the knowledge that a) it looked like I was very busy and b) no-one else realises what a skive it really is.

The afternoon transitioned to early evening and our guests arrived within a few minutes of each other and that just about wraps up today's entry. We had a delightful evening of food, drink and laughter. and I hope we get another arranged soon.

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* It is a very "traditional" Barber's which is always rammed with people on a Saturday. Every Barber Shop cliche you could ever think of can be seen in the thirty or forty minutes you will spend there waiting and having your hair cut; the sullen teenage girl sweeping (badly), the aged barber who until recently cut with a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, the teenage kid with a ludicrous haircut and a panoply of tattooed customers. I rather like the grimy, working class experience and they do give you a great hair cut.

Easing off the gas for a couple of days

Friday has finally arrived. This may have been a four day week but each of my days has been around eleven solid hours in front of a laptop plus intermittent analysis and planning in the hours apparently classed as leisure time.

I am looking forward to the weekend as, although I will need to spend some time working, there will be no flood of email, calls or instant messages and when I get up to do something else there is no compulsion to sit back at my desk. We have also arranged to have Bond, Moneypenny, Rosie and Jim over for a bite to eat and drinks on Saturday so things are likely to get raucous.

However, I am getting ahead of myself and haven't yet bored with tales of Friday. This morning I took a drive in to the nearest depot as I have expenses that need to be submitted.* 30% insisted that I use her TT for the trip in to work and a few miles down the road I glanced at the instrument display and noticed that the check engine light had not gone out. I was somewhat apprehensive of this situation, recalling the last time it happened in another of her cars. Fortunately the car seemed to be performing perfectly so  I carried on in to work safe in the knowledge that I can abdicate responsibility as it is not my car.

The day went pretty much as expected; calls, e-mail, confusion, clarification, bull shit and escalations and I eventually wandered out of the Office around six in the evening. I headed home to be presented with a glass of red wine and a plate of olives as I walked in to the kitchen. I added pistachio nuts to this ensemble and caught up with 30%'s day. To be honest I was pretty exhausted and the wine hit home very quickly, so it is fair to say that I did bugger all this evening apart from eat and vegetate in front of the TV.

I do have one other piece of news and that relates to TP. Yesterday and today he has attended interviews and auditions at Worcester and Stratford Colleges as he plans to leave school and study Music Technology. He has received offers from both colleges and it looks like Worcester will be his choice.

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* Unlike Dante's Nine Circles of Hell, The Neat & Tidy Piano Movers approach to mobile telephony is to have the monthly bill charged against the User's Corporate Charge Card. So each and every month I need to go in to the Office, claim for this months bill and post the receipts for last months. It is not a big deal as The Depot is only seven or eight miles from home and I do quite enjoy the social side to these trips.

Throwing the numbers together

No surprise that Thursday looked pretty much like Wednesday, although the working day was about 30 minutes shorter.

On a slightly more positive note, I feel that I now have a grasp of where we are and what needs to be done, after wading through the mountain of information that accumulated while I was on holiday. I am targeting the key issues and attempting to resolve these one by one. The plan is to deal with the most critical and most costly first and hope that any that don't get resolved are small enough to be covered by costs accrued elsewhere.

This is going to be a fag packet calculation rather than a structured work of art!

and what exactly do you do?

As mentioned yesterday, my weekday entries are going to be even less interesting than normal as I am now strapped to the back of the metaphorical bull that is the final stages of developing an RFP response. For the next three weeks I will be sat at a laptop for ludicrous lengths of time just trying to stay abroad and ensure that everything gets done and the costs are ready for pricing.

The twenty four hours that made up Wednesday panned out like this:-

00.00 - 07.00     Sleeping
07.00 - 08.00     Coffee, Toast, a look at the BBC News website
08.00 - 19.00     Work
19.00 - 23.00     Dinner and Sofa Time
23.00 - 24.00     Sleeping

As you can see it is a case of existence rather than life as the long day leaves you with little enthusiasm for anything but sloth. I should also point out that, if you are doing the job right, work bleeds in to your thoughts during many of the non-working hours too.

Basically I will be living and breathing the deal until we close out the costs and pass them across to pricing. I will still have shit loads to do but the pace eases slightly at that point.

Nose Grindstone interface

Today was my first day back at work after a week away from a project that was suffering problems with solution definition and therefore progression. I really needed to be at my desk as early as possible so I was somewhat frustrated that I needed to spend a large chunk of the morning heading in to Birmingham to visit the Dentist. After much deliberation I decided to put my faith in the temporary bus service currently running from Redditch and was rewarded by a very early arrival in Brum. In fact the Dentist was also running early too so I actually found myself back at New Street waiting for a return train only minutes after nine o'clock.

Incidentally, the verdict on my jaw is that it has healed well after the extraction and I now need a CT scan to ensure correct and secure insertion of the titanium implant … it looks like I'll be travelling to Birmingham a couple more times once I get this RFP out of the way.

Talking of the RFP, I was back home and sat at my laptop shortly after ten and faced a mountain of unread e-mails. If I am honest I really needed a discussion with my Frolleague; Lou to make sense of the current status. Consequently the morning's trip to the Dentist didn't significantly impact progress as she does not come on-line until the afternoon. I skim read and filed the mails in the intervening hours and talked to Lou when she pinged me around one o'clock.

It is fair to say that she has had a very rough week and there is still a massive amount to do with one week less to complete it in. The series of calls that ran from two o'clock through until eight in the evening demonstrated that the lack of clarity still remained, that Executive escalation was necessary to resolve and that certain resources need to brought in to line.*

I am in for a rough few weeks. Don't expect to see much from me here until this is over

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* or given a one way ticket to Switzerland!

Rainy Day

There is not a lot to report for a drenched Bank Holiday Monday.

In the morning 30% and I headed in to Redditch to replenish the cupboards and fuel tanks after our week away. We arrived home in time for lunch and then spent the afternoon on culinary duties …

… Yesterday's dried plums experiment has worked really well and the tart but sweet, leathery fruits make a great treat. They have all been packed in to bags, some of which have been frozen, but in reality they will not last long judging by the way they were consumed today.

After packing the prunes away we then joined forces to prepare a small mountain of vegetables in order that a huge batch of pean and ham soup could be put on to simmer. This soup has a three hour cooking time so I finally found the perfect opportunity to dismantle and descale the Gaggia Espresso Machine. This is not an overly complex job but it takes a good couple of hours and also involves cleaning a pair of metal filters. This latter task can involve using a needle to remove coffee crud from the hundreds of perforations … it is a tedious task that I undertake grudgingly, only when it splutters and jams as opposed to producing rich dark espressos.

By the time the coffee machine was restored to full health the soup was cooked and I finished it off by removing the meat from the hocks and discarding the bones, skin and fat. We ended up with a good nine litres and this will be packed and frozen once cool.

It was now time for dinner and the remainder of the evening was spent in front of the TV, although concerns about my latest project are already disturbing my thoughts.

A test run

The reassembly of the Ducati has had quite an impact on the state of the garage. I no longer need to move with caution around freshly painted fairing panels now these are back on the bike. I can also see the surface of both work benches now the tools, parts and packaging have been tidied or disposed of. If I could find the enthusiasm to sweep the floor I would only be two jobs short of crossing tidy garage from my To Do List.

This morning I wandered out to the garage with the aim of taking the Ducati out for a short run. As I opened up the door I stepped past the pile of junk destined for the tip and surveyed the space. My eyes fell on the box for the dog guard and it became my first job of the day to remove the Dog Guard from the car and return the Load Area Cover to its proper place. As I was doing this the mental gears engaged; the car needed to be moved off the drive, the boot was open and I kept passing a pile of rubbish …

… The next job became a run to the tip. I now need just to sweep the garage for it to be regarded as tidy and the drive was now car free.

I rolled the Ducati out and gathered my helmet, gloves, jacket and boots from the house. Whilst the bike is taxed and insured, its MOT has long since expired so this shake down run was to be short and calm.* As I mentioned yesterday, I was apprehensive climbing on as my left hip has been twinging for the past few months and I didn't want it giving up while I was holding up the bike. Within moments of starting, the temperature needle started to climb and I pulled out on to the road. I keep forgetting how intense she is to ride and how beautifully she handles as she rolls in to high speed bends at ludicrous angles of lean.  After a short loop around the local twisties I headed back home and pondered a dilemma … With Autumn fast approaching and being up to my ears in work do I get her MOT'd or do I just tuck her back in the garage and spend the Winter ensuring that she gets a thorough clean and is ready for the beginning of next year.

Back at home I put the Ducati away, lunched and then headed out around the Three Miler with T&M. I still feel quite tired and am not sure whether it is a result of the recent stomach bug or just my age! As a result the afternoon featured a snooze on the sofa and a new experiment with the Dehydrator. On this occasion we are attempting to produce home made prunes with a batch of plums 30% purchased at a nearby Farm Shop...

… If it works I will have the most finely tuned bowels in Worcestershire.

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* Needless to say it may have been short but it was never going to be calm!

Back 'ome

30% and I were up by seven this morning … or rather I was up, made coffee and then irritated her until she grudgingly rose from her bunk. Within an hour we had most of our belongings packed and stowed in the car and just before eight T&M were installed in the boot. It was then a rapid drive back to The Pile to pick up TP's spare set of car keys following their disappearance on Tuesday.

30% stayed at home with the dogs and the pile of luggage while I turned about face and headed back towards Stourport. By nine o'clock I was walking back in to the boatyard to see TP and Peanut* waiting patiently by his still locked car … it was obvious that his packing and final sweep through the boat had not located his keys.

I opened up the boot of his car and we peered inside. There were no keys. We optimistically lifted the boot carpet. There were no keys. We opened up both doors and explored the diminutive and spartan interior of the Fiat … There were still no keys. We took an incredibly optimistic look around the perimeter and underside of the car and it will come as no surprise that the keys remained in unfound.

Having known my son for his entire life I am well aware that he is absolutely shit at looking for anything … even something as important as the keys for HIS car, so I walked on to Dark Star and started a methodical search from the stern. Within two minutes I had located his keys behind a cushion on one of the berths. Basically he had wandered on to the boat last Tuesday and had simply chucked his coat and keys on a bed as part of our transition from cars to boat. He had then shifted his coat and his keys had slipped down the back to remain there for the duration of our break. I wandered out, displayed the keys and smiled at his face that was attempting to display pleasure, disbelief and absolute confusion all at the same time.

I then handed the boat keys back to the Fleet owner and completed yet another twenty mile journey back to The Pile. By ten o'clock we were all sat at the dining table having a late breakfast and giving TP a gentle but well deserved ribbing.

As the morning progressed I wanted something to occupy my mind and hands so I headed out to the garage to have another go at reassembling the Ducati. I made a start on this last month but, having swapped the instrument cluster holder, I was not happy with the state of the vibration reducing fixings on this second hand unit. I therefore spent this morning removing the cluster and swapping out the crappy fixings for the pristine ones from my original damaged cluster. By lunchtime I had these tricky devils replaced and the first half of the afternoon was taken up with the final reassembly. I clipped on the final fairing panel just as the heavens opened putting paid to any thoughts of a quick ride out. It is so good to have her back in one piece and available to ride … I just hope my hip is up to it!

I spent the latter half of the afternoon taking it easy and go myself tidied up as evening approached. 30% and I had an early supper and shortly after six hit the road again and headed over to Malvern to see a performance of Therese Raquin at the Festival Theatre. I have to admit that this would not be my first choice of play but I absolutely loved the performance of this doomed love triangle.

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* She was going by the alias of GF but during the holiday TP offered her a peanut cookie and I realised that this cookie shares her initials … also Peanut quite suits her.

Day 4: Holt Lock to Stourport

I woke early this morning and didn't feel quite right.

Four trips to the head later and I came to the conclusion that last night's Burger may have been very tasty but the relish may well have featured shredded slug as well as lettuce … Christ my guts were in bad shape!

Fortunately Stourport was only a couple of hours cruising up river so there was no rush and we cast off mid -morning and chugged upstream. Holt and Lincomb locks were soon passed and by midday we were tied up at Stourport Town Visitor Moorings.

We lunched early and then split in to two parties to take a wander around the town. After thirty minutes of walking I started to feel decidedly odd and 30% and I headed slowly back towards the boat with T&M, taking a short break at a cafe for the restorative powers of tea.

Back at the boat I felt absolutely wasted and slept for over an hour, waking late in the afternoon. We had planned a short foray up the Staffs & Worcester Canal but decided, instead, to just take the boat through the four locks in to Stourport Basin and moor Dark Star back in her home berth.

The evening was spent in the boatyard; grilling a few burgers on a disposable barbecue and agreeing that we had had a splendid few days on the local waterways …

… and that not all tasty burgers are safe to eat.

Day 3: From Hanbury, through Droitwich and back on to the Severn

We made a start shortly after nine o'clock this morning and chugged a few hundred yards past Hanbury Wharf before making a sharp left turn on to the Droitwich Junction Canal. 

This section of the waterways has only recently returned to use after restoration works were completed in 2011 and now allows the mid Worcestershire ring to be navigated. Immediately after turning on to the Junction Canal were faced with  set of six narrow locks that lead down in the direction of Droitwich town centre. The first few of these were manned by volunteers and we made swift progress. After the last of the locks we passed along a heavily reeded section that was more "African Queen" than rural Worcestershire. This took us past the rugby club and new marina before we reached Droitwich proper. 

At Droitwich town a wide beam lock forms the entrance to the Droitwich Barge Canal, which has wide beam locks all the way from the town down on to the Severn.* The town centre also features a set of swing bridges that need to be operated and we paused briefly in the midst of these while 30% nipped over the road to Waitrose for a few supplies. 

We paused again a few hundred yards further on at a proper mooring where we lunched before making our way down the Barge Canal to The Severn. This was a pleasant cruise through woods and meadows punctuated by half a dozen locks. We had hoped to moor for the night along this section but the banks were heavily reeded and no suitable temporary berth could be found. 

Our return to the Severn was something of a surprise. One minute we were cruising in to a canal lock and then suddenly we saw the comparative vastness of the Severn ahead. Only then did we see a diminutive set of signs with navigation and licensing warnings. 

Moorings are few and far between on the river but a local boater suggested a pub about half an hour upstream ...

... So this evening we found ourselves dining at The Wharf Inn just South of Holt Lock. 

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*Apparently the Barge Canal was constructed as a wide beam navigation to allow large loads of Droitwich salt to be transported by barge down on to the Severn and on to the ports. 

Quote of the day

That's the second Ship's Log I've produced this morning ...

... I wouldn't go in there for twenty minutes if I were you.

Day 2: The Worcester & Birmingham Canal

I managed to rouse a reluctant crew shortly after half past seven this morning. Their reluctance to rise and hostile attitude caused me to instruct cook to serve them muffins instead of bacon!

The ingrates were eventually ready and we cast off around nine o'clock. Within a few hundred yards we had passed under Worcester's city bridge and had cruised past the Cathedral. Soon after we saw the warning signs for the weir and turned back on ourselves to line up for the approach to the Diglis Basin locks. 

These two locks form the junction between The Severn and the Worcester & Birmingham Canal and we readjusted our sense of scale as we left the wide, high banked river and entered the canal system. 

In total we covered about ten miles to moor up for the evening in Hanbury. Our route included sixteen locks and the 210 metre Dunhampstead Tunnel. 

The one thing that has surprised us all is how odd it is to be having a holiday so close to home. This evening we are only six miles away from The Pile* but it could be a world away seeing worcestershire from the river and canals. 

We dined "al fresco"** at the Eagle and Sun before returning to the Dark Star to drink coffee and chat before yet another early night. 

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* not far from the local tip!

** def: too bloody cold for me

Day 1: Stourport Basin to Worcester

Despite yesterday's late night I was up reasonably early and fired off a couple of last minute emails before shutting down the laptop for the rest of the week. 

Today was the start of our short break on a narrow boat and, true to form, packing and preparation were to be last minute activities. Fortunately we were not scheduled to pick up the boat until after one o'clock so we had the morning to get our shit together. 

30% headed out for an appointment straight after breakfast so I completed a circuit of the Three Miler with T&M in an attempt to "take the edge off them". By ten thirty we were both back at home and spent the remainder of the morning assembling food and clothing for our four day break. 

TP returned from his weekend away around midday and it was then just a case of a few last minute activities before we were ready to go. Since our party included four adults, two large dogs, their food and luggage 30% eventually agreed to the proposition I made last night and finally agreed that two cars were necessary.* TP therefore headed off to pick up his girlfriend in his Fiat while we finished packing the car and plugged a Dudley post code in to the Sat Nav. 

Half an hour later we had reached Stourport, completed two circuits of the town centre and finally found the narrow lane that took us to the boat yard in the canal basin. TP arrived about twenty minutes behind us and we were soon unpacked and settling in on The Dark Star. 

At this point it is worth mentioning that I have quite a bit of experience with narrow boats as I used to be a demonstrator on a fleet on The Avon in my youth and we owned one for a few years when TP was much younger. The reason for this apparent bragging is that the hand over of the boat was somewhat half arsed in that the "demonstrator" was not familiar with the craft and also had a nasty habit of referring to key items as "the wossname" due to regular memory failures .... I'm sure it will all come back to me. 

We were soon manoeuvring out of the berth and heading down thorough the four locks that took us on to the River Severn. It was at this point that TP noted that he couldn't find his car keys. A fruitless search followed and we conjecture that he has locked them in the boot ... It looks like next Saturday will involve a return trip to The Pile to pick up his spare set.**

Putting this minor hiccup behind us, we were soon cruising down a verdant Severn. The high banks restrict the views somewhat but it was lovely to be chugging down this green highway with the natural world all around us. Within a few miles I had already been rewarded with the sight of a Kingfisher darting across the bows and coming to rest on a nearby branch as I passed. 

We cruised until half past six; reaching Worcester where we moored just along from the race course. As we settled for dinner in the saloon I had forgotten how tiring a boat holiday can be and was glad when ten o'clock arrived and I could shuffle off to bed. 

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* but I was not allowed to say "I told you so" when she saw the car after loading was completed!

** he takes after his Mother

Two days in one

After a quick visit to he local surgery for an encounter with the phlebotomist, I headed in to The Depot. By half past nine I was sat at my desk with my head in documentation and I spent the majority of the day head down. I managed to complete my first review of the RFP requirements and issued these along with a clear request to the Architect to provide the solution strategy and design so we can get ownership and start progressing actions. Remember this as it becomes important later on …

… Five o'clock came around and I exited the office. I hadn't actually finished work it was more a case that a) I had managed to find time to submit some expense receipts and b) I fancied a change of clothes and scenery.

Back at home I shrugged off my suit, set up the laptop in the Study and fired off a few final emails. I then set up a call with my Frolleague: Lou who will be looking after this beast while I am away. An hour's break was taken to greet 30% and throw some food down my neck before I clipped a headset to my cranium and spent ninety minutes talking Lou through the requirements and the worrying lack of solution strategy.

At the end of that call I managed to find thirty minutes to step away from the computer and relax but I rapidly returned to the laptop when I discovered that 30% was watching a TV programme about American childrens' beauty pageants … urgh! A few more critical mails were dispatched and then ten o'clock chimed. I dialled in to my final call of the day to review the requirements document …

… Let's just say that it wasn't pretty. It is fair to say that the document wasn't particularly great and we ended up ignoring it, instead giving the Chief Architect a three way grilling on when he could actually step up to the mark and do his job. It is a fair assessment when I say he was vague and lacked any sense of urgency. This is worrying and I can see the metaphorical shit hitting the fan during my absence.

I eventually put down the 'phone and ended my working day at twenty to midnight.

Roll on Monday evening

If Saturday was quiet Sunday was quieter still. After a leisurely breakfast 30% and I hit our respective laptops and remained there until lunchtime. I cleared my inbox and made a start on a brain dump of requirements and associated activities based on Wednesday's RFP documentation. I think 30% just listened to the Archers omnibus edition via Radio 4 on-line.

After lunch we took T&M around the Three Miler once more and arrived home in time for an hour of slouching on the sofa with a coffee.  I then headed back to the laptop until I heard the clock chime six. I have made steady progress and I should be able to wrap this up tomorrow morning.

It was odd working at the weekend but a complicated task is much easier to face when you know you don't have to do it and can walk away without feelings of guilt. The complete lack of 'phone calls, meetings and IIMs* is a great help too. I ended the day having produced a few thousand words of structured notes and managed to feel like I had had a relaxing day too.

Result!

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* Idiots Instant Messages

System reboot

I had no plans for today other than to settle at the laptop and do some preparatory work extracting requirements from the RFP documentation …

… it is fair to say that after a very long week in London the laptop related task just did not happen. I spent the day doing not much in particular. I felt the need to get outside and travel under my own control so 30% and I headed over to a local Farm Shop to pick up a few treats for lunch. We also took a walk around the Three Miler with T&M and I must admit that the afternoon saw a mega snooze on the sofa.

It would be fair to say that work has not escaped me and throughout the day thoughts have percolated on the best way to document where we are and what needs to be done next. I plan to spend much of tomorrow getting it "down on paper".

As evening drew near 30% hit the kitchen to fry a couple of steaks and prepare a salad for dinner.* I felt that that my day ought to have some deliverable so I headed out the garage and returned with the dehydrator. A few minutes later four dessert apples had been peeled, cored, sliced and laid out on the dehydrator racks. A quick sprinkle of cinnamon was applied and the device was turned on and left the hum on the worktop.

Later in the evening 30% wandered in from the kitchen to report that this experiment was going well and that the apple rings were sweet and very "apple ish". I tried one myself before I went to bed and can report that they aren't going to last very long at all.

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* There was just the two of us as TP has headed off with his Mother to spend a long weekend with his GrandMother.

Home at Last

I was up and checked out of the hotel shortly after seven this morning. After encountering a ticket machine meltdown at Charing Cross I exited the Tube and hailed a cab over to the offices in Victoria. Being Friday the team was dwindling due to travel arrangements and progress was not as great as expected. It was the now usual  day of requirements evaluation, drafting of clarifying questions and battling for resources. Shortly after three o'clock I packed up my laptop and headed over to Paddington to catch the 4.22 towards Oxford.

It is lovely to be home and I can report that 30% has done a marvellous job of maintaining a constant number of pets in the house over the week which is a significant improvement on my performance while she was in Houston … Actually I may be wrong when I say "maintain" as this evening she was to be found with her trousers tucked in to her socks. Apparently a mouse sized spider has invaded the house and take up residence under the sofa.

I thought I had dealt with this phobia years ago.

It would be nice to say that I could now relax and prepare for work free weekend but there was a further call this evening and I am going to have to hit the laptop over the next two days to carry out some preparatory work. It's not as bad as it sounds as I am only at work on Monday next week before we head out for a few days on a Narrow Boat, possibly attempting a circumnavigation of the Stourport Ring.

Thursday 14th August

Twelve hours in the Office, thirty minutes commuting and eleven and a half hours in a hotel room. 

At least I didn't mess up my Tube journey today and I discovered the delights of an M&S pastrami and sauerkraut on rye.  

Pluses & Minuses

Wednesday 13th August 

On the plus side the RFP arrived this afternoon and on a late call this evening I managed to stop myself from giving my Operational Architect my frank and honest opinion of his capabilities. 

On them minus side I do not have an alternative Architect and I need to learn to pay more attention when climbing on to Tube trains ... I almost ended up back at my starting station this evening when I changed trains and mistook the Victoria Line for the Bakerloo Line. 

I am such a prat. 

Treading Water

After the world's most expensive portion of toast and marmite I headed in to the London office where we spent much of the day "treading water". There is only so much hypothesising one can do before the "what ifs" become overwhelming and you just need to stop and wait. 

The view from the Board Room window

There are peripheral activities that can be nudged forward but I'm not sure it needs half a dozen of us including contributions from an Assistant Vice President. 

Going back to the toast and marmite for a moment, I have done a few calculations and after making a deduction for the grotty coffee I reckon the two slices of toast came in at about 50p a bite or a fiver a slice ...

... Well they did get me down here to do a bit of estimating. 

If I have to side step another tourist ...

... I swear I will go fucking "Postal". 

I can tolerate being jostled and hemmed in by London's Commuters as they know where they are going and have long since gained the spatial awareness skills needed to dodge and weave their way to their places of work. 

The Tourist, on the other hand, is a completely different beast and one that, in my humble opinion, should be taken away and shot. These bloody people seem to loose any sense the moment they start their holiday and will stop for no apparent reason right in front of you. You would pull over to the side of the road to consult a map but these twats will do it in the middle of a pavement crammed with rush hour commuters ... And don't get me started on their idiot children!

I swear I hadn't even got off the platform at Paddington this morning before a Festival goer attempted to lie on the platform and pose for a photo! 

Kill them all ... Now. 

That pretty much sums up my only emotional response today. The rest of the day was as soulless as a meeting agenda ...

07.30 - 10.50 Commuting

10.50 - 13.00 building a castle on sand

13.00 - 13.30 lunch

13.30 - 19.30 decorating the aforementioned castle

19.30 - 20.00 making my way to Trafalgar Square

20.00 - 24.00 general amazement at why people rate Hilton Hotels

Basically we still do not have the RFP and are trying to do some preliminary brain storming. 

Pottering, Mostly

The forecasters had got it right and rain was lashing down when I wandered downstairs this morning. The only "must do" on today's agenda was the packing of a bag for a week in London and that was definitely going to be a last minute activity.

With nothing pressing to do I started the day at a leisurely pace with the exception of the mad dash through the rain to let the chickens out. Unusually Sunday breakfast was eaten at the table and saw all of us sit down to coffee and croissant before heading off to do whatever. 

I wandered out to the garage with a loose plan to sort through an old toolbox throwing away the obsolete, duplicated and damaged. Before long several knackered screwdrivers and rust encrusted Imperial spanners• had been deposited in the recycling bin. I had now been bitten by the tidying bug and spent the rest of the morning stacking redundant items for a future trip to the tip. To be honest the garage didn't look much tidier at the end of this exercise .... Perhaps a trip to the tip and a good sweep up will help. 

After lunch I spent the best part of an hour switching off and on the iMac, the Apple TV and the wireless router. I eventually got the bloody things to recognise each other and 30% was rewarded with a film library on the TV in the bedroom... Hopefully I will be rewarded with ironed shirts. 

I then headed in to Redditch to pick up a couple of early Christmas presents ... I have read that sentence twice and still cannot believe I am buying Christmas presents in August. Basically 30% saw the ratchet spanners I purchased yesterday and thought her Dad and Brother might appreciate a set. Trust me when I say that this is an incredibly unusual occurrence as my usual approach is a frantic dash in the final week before the 25th. 

Reverting back to more normal behaviour, I headed home and spent the remainder of the afternoon pottering in the garage and the Hall. As dinner drew near I surprised myself again by getting my bag packed for the week in the Capital. 

This left the evening free to slouch on the couch. As the client's RFP has still not arrived I decided on a later train tomorrow and an extra hour in bed. 

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• I am certain these must have been acquired in my youth from BMS which means they were originally used for fixing agricultural machinery when he was still farming. 

I need to check the settings

Saturday started with an early trip in to Stratford to complete a few errands and take a tour around Tesco's aisles. I did manage to sneak in to Halfords at one point during the morning as I had seen a remarkable bargain on their website the evening before … I am now the owner of a very shiny set of metric ratchet spanners. They may not be Snap-on but they are beauties and more than adequate for tinkering with the bikes in the garage.

Our journey home featured a diversion via Alcester and we took a wander around an independent furniture specialist's store. The reason for this visit is that our sofas are quite comfortable to lie on but I find them incredibly uncomfortable to sit on, being short in the leg department. The problem is that there are many gorgeous sofas out there, but they are all incredibly deep and I just can't seem to get comfortable on them. The ones that do suit my physique look they have been transported to the present from my Grand Parent's house circa 1972. We left having seen a few possibles but there may well need to be quite a change in the feel of the room to accommodate them.

After lunch I needed to head in to the wilds of West Bromwich to pick up a tool cabinet that I had recently purchased on eBay*. I punched the sellers post code in to the Sat Nav and headed off, expecting to be directed to the nearest motorway. Instead I was directed through Redditch and numerous Birmingham districts to reach my goal. As I neared my destination I crossed a large roundabout that I recognised as the one that connects Oldbury to the M5 motorway. Christ! It had taken me the best part of an hour to get here and I knew that the motorway would have got me here in forty minutes or less. Needless to say I picked up my fancy Snap-on tool cabinet and used the traditional method of road signs and accumulated knowledge to get em home …I think I need to check the Range Rover Sat Nav settings as it works really well but seems to be avoiding motorways at present.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with pottering in the garage. As the evening approached I headed back in to the house and got myself tidied up … 30% had purchased some Groupon vouchers for dinner at a local hotel so shortly after six we headed over there with TP and his GF.** The "hotel" was actually more of a motel and we wondered whether we had made a mistake, but we headed to our table and placed our orders … a couple of hours later we left having had a splendid dinner that came out at less than twelve pounds a head. I am not exaggerating when I say that the steak I had this evening was far better than the one I had on Thursday.

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* The recent sale of Land Rover spare parts had left me with a significant PayPal balance and that was never going to last long!
** I really must give some thought to giving her a better alias than the simple abbreviation of Girlfriend.

Par for the course

This one is going to be brief …

… Our Prospective client suffered IT failures today which, yet again, prevented them issuing the RFP documentation. We may get it at some point over the weekend* or early next week. They have finally agreed that they should, perhaps, extend the period we will have to develop a solution and proposal. They just haven't yet said by how much!

The net result of this is that I will need to keep an eye on my in-box over the weekend but that is no real hardship compared to the alternative which was to be reviewing several pages of RFP documentation. I also finally managed to get two key resources assigned to my team. As resource request processes go this one was a complete clusterfuck and I am guessing that there may need to be some discussions amongst management to put this right.

I won't go in to full details of the mess I had to wade through but it did involve a discussion which can be summarised as "Yes that was the process but we changed it and didn't put out an advisory notification. Neither can I hep you with the fact that you don't have access to the new system nor can I help you with the fact that the system interface appears to be faulty".

Needless to say I went with an Executive escalation instead … That worked just fine!

Apart from a brief interlude in the afternoon to have my retinas photographed at the local Doctor's surgery this pretty much summarises the key events for Friday.

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* Experience suggests that a weekend release will be announced by the release of flocks of flying pigs** from numerous locations across the UK.
** Think racing pigeons but with much bigger baskets

A free lunch & a clean car

Today saw me shaved and dressed tidily and it might come as a surprise that I did NOT need to submit expense forms at the Depot! The reason for today's trip to the office was that I had been invited to a Recognition Event…

… A few weeks ago I had received an e-mail inviting me to this function. I really hadn't a clue what the event involved or what I had done to receive the plaudit but, when 30% had calmed down sufficiently, I had learnt that this was a "good thing" and  "that I had better hurry up and get a promotion so that she could retire and spend her days pottering around the house".

Before leaving for the Office, poor TP was dragged from his pit and left with a hastily prepared specification and a pile of used twenty pound notes … I had arranged for the car to be valeted today and had totally forgotten that I wouldn't be at home. Therefore TP was to be in charge. The used notes were obviously the payment and the list covered the items I wanted addressed by the Valeter.*

With TP taking point, 30% and I headed in for a fun filled day at the office. My morning was spent clearing the decks and behaving myself as two senior members of the customer team were sat a few feet away from me.  Apparently the plan for today was that there was to be a "town hall" meeting presented by our customer and then a celebratory lunch at a nearby restaurant featuring presentations and handshakes for the recognised members of the team.

It was all pretty standard corporate nonsense and it was apparent that, although the customer was congratulating individuals for piano moving feats it was based on nominations** made by Neat & Tidy management. My view may seem a little jaded and cynical but, I do realise that my manager obviously appreciates what I am doing and that definitely is not a bad thing.

I tucked in to a free steak lunch and spent more than three hours on a customer sanctioned session shooting the breeze with some of my more personable colleagues. I received a certificate detailing my commendation and a customer branded torch and screwdriver set. As Thursdays go this one was pretty good and I have acquired another gleaming nugget for insertion in to my end of year results.

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* I live in a Universe where I speak the words "it needs a full valet" and the car salesman actually hears "no, it looks fabulous, it doesn't need a good wash and polish". Although the Range Rover is in beautiful condition it was carrying a few grubby marks when we bought it and obviously only had  a quick wipe over with a chammy rather than a proper clean. It was disappointing that the Dealer hadn't presented it to us gleaming.
** I was nominated for going above and beyond in the development and delivery of two proposals that we recently submitted to the customer.*** I thought I was just doing my job.
*** We didn't win either of them!