Lazy Sunday afternoon

30%                                TP and I are about to watch that film that I recorded last night. Are you coming to join us ?

Bad Man                        Is that the one with Ricky Gervais in it?

30%                                Yes.

Bad Man                        Isn’t it a bit sexually explicit for TP to watch?

30%                                What?

Bad Man                        Well, its got a c**t in nearly every scene.

Thought for the Day ...

... I'm guessing that it was at this time of year that they invented gravity.

With a hop and a skip ...

While we were in The States Chippy Ian did a fantastic job of ripping out some vile uPVC double glazing and replacing it with some more appropriate Sash and Casement windows. The ripping out and re-fitting was done really well and he made an absolutely fantastic job of hiding my trailer under a pile of packaging and redundant double glazing units ...

... as a result I now have a skip on the drive and spent a good portion of today filling it with the aforementioned debris.

We also had a bit of a clear up in the garden taking out a few Ash and Silver Birch saplings and a Conifer that had managed to work its way in to 30%'s bad books. TP's "den" was also dismantled and the potting shed was emptied as it will be demolished as part of the upcoming block paved patio project ....

... as a result I now have a FULL skip on the drive and a desire to do nothing more than snore on the sofa.

Its a little bit "Country" ...

Friday evening saw 30% and I put on our glad rags and drive over to the NEC in Birmingham to see Dolly Parton...

... I'm guessing that most of you have disappeared now so I'll just write for myself. We had the most amazing evening. I'm not a particular fan of Country & Western but I am prepared to experience most things provided they are done well and the show she put on was absolutely fantastic.

Her voice was amazing and many  of the numbers she sang were either a capella or with a single instrument such as a Dulcimer. There were, of course, the back catalogue classics such as Jolene and 9 to 5 that had the full support of the band too. I hadn't realised how versatile she was as demonstrated by the range of instruments played including banjo, guitar, piano, penny whistle, harmonica and the aforementioned dulcimer.

Of course, it wouldn't be Dolly Parton if they didn't have most surfaces covered with Rhinestones and they did, as did her costumes*. Her material ranged from Country and Bluegrass through to pop and rock and she did a medley including interesting Bluegrass versions of Help and Stairway to Heaven.

As I said earlier in this entry, I am prepared to experience most things provided they are done well and Dolly absolutely charmed the audience. Her narratives were engaging and witty and her performances were faultless. There was none of the mediocrity that pervades stage and screen under the guise of new talent and has me heading for the door or reaching for the remote control.

I can quite honestly say that I have never seen a show like this one and there were parts of it that were most unusual but she has, without doubt, the X Factor and the best word I can use to describe the experience was mesmeric.

This post would not be complete without mention of the audience which, I think it is fair to say, is one of the most peculiar I have ever sat amongst.

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* Quote of the evening; " I buy 'em two sizes too small ... and then I have 'em taken in ! "

Luxembourg, Schmuxemburg

What a fun time I have had today.

At one of yesterday's meetings Tigger and I were instructed that one of us had to have a case packed and to be in Luxembourg next Thursday morning. "Oooh!" I hear you say "A European Trip, how lovely" ...

... Well yes it would be if it weren't for the God-awful Corporate Travel Booking Tool and the 4 levels of approval required to leave the country. You may have guessed that I have pulled the short straw and will be travelling to the smallest country in Europe*.  I haven't a clue of what I am required to do there other than attend a meeting. Obviously I understand the general background but it would be nice if someone would consider spending 10 minutes briefing me on the purpose of the meeting....

... That is not likely to happen so I have spent an hour or so this morning making travel plans and initiating the approval process.

I'm quite interested to visit The Grand Duchy of Luxembourg but am not  overly keen on meeting my colleagues over there. They were far from cooperative on the recent project. In fact they were bloody obstructive on occasions. I can recall one point where they were actually inserting costs for services that weren't in-scope and the round of Executive Escalations when they refused to remove them.

As a result, it is fair to say, this was not an environment where long lasting friendships were established and I am not looking forward to the false bonhomie I will have to project to a bunch of fucking crooks that would have screwed me over given half a chance.

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* I think you will find that Monaco is a Principality.

Have you seen this man?

I climbed off my branch in The 100 Acre Wood this morning and drove in to The Village to meet up with Tigger and other members of the team for some exiting meetings.

I wandered in to the Office a little before nine o'clock and imagine my horror when I noticed that Tigger has been kidnapped and replaced with a doppelgänger.  I quickly covered up my concerned look and put on my Poker Face. I then spent the rest of the day carefully acting as though nothing was out of the ordinary. I need to point out that it is a cunning deceit and the Double looked and acted exactly like Tigger. It is only my acute attention to detail that made me notice a minor difference in his coiffure that drew my attention to this devious abduction.

I wonder about the Kidnapper's nefarious aims as no ransom demand has yet been found.

Now that I am safely away from work I can now report the matter to the Authorities and do my best as a concerned citizen to assist in locating Tigger. I have therefore developed an "e-fit" picture of the suspect. If you see this man do not approach but report his presence at once to the nearest police officer.

WARNING
Do not approach this man - he may be dangerous

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Other Stuff: Does anyone know the escape velocity that needs to be achieved in order to draw my attention away from an unnaturally blond head?

Fair Game?

Not a lot to report for this Bank Holiday Monday. The morning was spent producing a vast batch of faggots* and these are now residing in the freezer.

On the home front a chap called round and gave us a truly outstanding quotation for some block paving that will resolve a couple of problem areas in the garden. We literally accepted the quote on the spot and he should be turning up with his gang in the next couple of weeks.

The afternoon saw a walk with T&M and this is where the title of this entry has a modicum of relevance. As we wandered round the Three Miler I noticed that the young pheasants had just been released from the rearing pens and were wandering up the road with less savvy than a teenager in a strip club ...

... unfortunately Tyson was quicker than me and charged up the road after them. They are now much more streetwise and Tyson was definitely put through her paces. They all escaped relatively unscathed.

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* For anyone in the US, please don't take offence, these are a traditional UK "meatball" made from pork, onions, breadcrumbs, suet and liver. I have not taken to hurling insults about sexual preference in The Journal ...

... yet

A soupcon of news

The jet-lag from the US trip has been pretty rough this time and I am only now getting anywhere near the UK time zone. 30% is affected similarly but as for TP, who knows! He is 14 and it is difficult to tell whether he is suffering the malaise of the International Jet Setter or is just being a teenager.

Today saw a little kitchen activity and I spent the morning preparing a batch of Pea and Ham soup for the freezer. Once that was simmering nicely T&M were walked and I was back home in time for lunch.

The afternoon saw a trip over to Hampton to visit 30%'s brother and his partner in their new house and we spent a happy hour or so chatting, drinking coffee and looking at the carnage that follows any house move. 30% did her best to offload surplus furniture from The Pile but didn't manage to pique their interest. I think she should have tried harder and her failure is full justification for a bonfire.

First Blood

Nothing special was planned for Saturday, TP was away with his Mum to visit his Grandma in Surrey for a few days and 30% and I had a fairly leisurely day laid out before us. The aim was to get T&M walked and then bathed and then we would pop over to Solihull for some shopping leaving the dogs at home drying off.

So, having waved TP off, I started with the walk. We hadn't gone very far and had just entered a small patch of woodland at the edge of the village, T&M charged off in to the undergrowth and I heard a squeal. I assumed they had disturbed a rat and wandered on calling them to follow.  Marauder failed to appear which is unusual for her so I clambered through the brush to investigate. I found Marauder stood over the body of a rabbit with a sort of "what do I do now?" look on her face.

On closer examination the rabbit showed early signs of Myxomatosis which might explain how M managed to catch it. I was going to say that this is the first item of prey that Marauder has ever caught but that would be ignoring a few stray chickens that she has come across up by the Free Range Egg Farm. I have always managed to liberate these intact bar a few feathers and a ruffled disposition. This, however, is Marauder's first wild kill*.

The rest of the day went pretty much according to plan and the evening saw 30% and I sat on the sofa with a Thai Green Curry and two sweet smelling dogs.

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* Mice** don't count
** If the plural of mouse is mice, is the plural of rats; rice?

We're Back

Its Thursday and we are all settled back in at The Pile. The Jet Lag has been a little troublesome and TP and I were up and about at half past four in the morning on Wednesday. I seem to be over the worst of it but still cannot make it much past the first few minutes of the Ten o'clock News without falling asleep.

We picked up T&M from the kennels on the way back from Heathrow and that was a splendid reunion. We had a fantastic time in The States but we all really missed the dogs. I suppose it goes to show how much they are part of all of our lives. They seem to have had a great time at the kennels and have returned none the worse apart from the fact that they are very dirty and smell of horse shit! It seems that they have been exercised in a Manege and took great delight in rolling in the delicious smells that they found!

Tigger has done a most excellent job whilst I was away and I returned to a very manageable in-box. That has now been cleared and work is reasonably quiet as we wait for Local Country Agreements to be signed on the  current project and for the next project to kick off.

I took my first walk around the Three Miler this evening and note that the Blackberries are ripening. Marauder and I paused to eat a few as we wandered around. Tyson isn't particularly fussed about them but Marauder will pick them from the brambles herself. While we were away many of the fields were harvested in the long spell of dry weather and T&M now have acres of stubble to charge across.

I now have some 700 or more photos to trawl through to see which ones are worth inserting on to The Journal.

Journey Stats

US Miles Driven:  2,438
US States Visited:  7  (Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Idaho, Arizona, Wyoming & Montana)

Day 14: Quote of the day

This Wal-Mart is crap. The last one sold guns and shit!


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Day 13: 24 Hours in Vegas

It's my third stay in this town and it still isn't growing on me.

I'm not a fan. Its cheap, it's tacky and every facet is designed to separate you from your cash whilst ensuring that you receive little if anything in return.

Everyone seems to do the same tired, zombie like trudge from shop to shop, hotel to hotel and casino to casino. They slurp lurid iced cocktails and clutch either burgers or wailing brats with the other hand.

There are those that sit chained to the one armed bandits pressing buttons. Gone is the reward of coins falling in the tray, both winnings and stake are added to or taken from a credit type card. They sit like patients in a dialysis unit rather than Gamers in a casino.

The Hens and Stags are all having a great time but it's not for me.




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Day 12: Nephi, UT to Las Vegas, NV

Another 300 mile drive so it's numb bum again.

We arrived in the Sin City around three in the afternoon and checked in to New York New York.


A wander up the strip is the most significant achievement especially in 104 degrees of heat.


It is made of jelly beans

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Day 11: Canyon, Yellowstone to Nephi, Utah

450 miles in one hit stopping only for fuel and coffee. I now have a numb bum.

We are on the long run back to Las Vegas. The total distance is over 750 miles but we have broken the back of it today. We have a little over 300 miles to do tomorrow.

The journey took us out of Yellowstone's West exit and along route 20 in to Idaho before taking the I 15 South past Salt Lake City.

The drive was a fairly easy run through farm land with mountain ranges an ever present backdrop. The only painful part was hitting Salt Lake City during rush hour and having bumper to bumper, stop/start traffic for an hour or more.

Nephi is a pleasant enough little town but the restaurant was dry! Thank Heavens we had a bottle of wine in the ice box. I needed a glass after today's drive.


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Day 10: Mammoth to Canyon

We took a quick wander around the Travertine terraces at Mammoth before we left this morning. They were impressive but I have a memory from nearly 20 years ago of climbing the terraces at Pamucale in Turkey and in my memories the Turks have it on size and gleaming whiteness. Of course I know how time distorts and have promised myself that I will unearth the old photos to compare.

After leaving Mammoth we took a brief detour in to the Lamar Valley as we had been advised that there was plenty of wildlife there. They were not wrong, within a few miles we had passed two herds of Bison each numbering at least 100 animals.

After a spot of Bison watching we returned to our route which took us over Mount Washburn. Near the summit we stopped for a break and 30% got chatting to a fellow visitor. She returned and excitedly informed is that there were reports of a Grizzly Bear a few miles down the road.

The "Bear Jam" came into view and we managed to find a parking place. For the next hour we watched as a solitary Grizzly wandered across the hillside 100 yards away rooting amongst the herbs. When it eventually disappeared from view we climbed back in to the car and were soon checking in to our cabin in Canyon.



This is not the Grizzly

After a leisurely afternoon we took a drive out to view the canyon and Falls before spending a fruitless hour watching a bison carcass in the hope of seeing scavenging wolves. None came but we had a great natter with two brothers-in-law touring the park.

Tomorrow we leave the park for the long drive back to Las Vegas.


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Day 9: Old Faithful to Mammoth

If I see another fucking geyser or hot spring I swear I will go Postal.

Don't get me wrong, the geysers are impressive and the vivid colours of the hot springs are beautiful and alluring but you can definitely have too much of a good thing.




Day 3 of geyser spotting was definitely too much for me and I now see them simply as pools that smell like a neglected lavatory. Some of the ones I saw today were reasonably impressive and the chromatic pool was truly memorable but many of them looked and smelt like boiling puddles of Elk piss with twigs in them.

I think I am now at the point where I would say do the Old Faithful walks, visit the Chromatic Pool and the bubbling mud at Fountain Paint Pots and leave it that. To be cynically honest a boiling kettle or a deep hot bath after a week long vegan diet are a fair match for the rest of them.

We are now at Mammoth in the North of the park which is famous for it's travertine terraces. In my present humour these may be too close to geysers for my liking.




After days of scouting for wildlife Mammoth is a complete surprise as we are at much higher altitudes and there are Elk all over the place. They are literally wandering about in front of the hotel.

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Day 8: Bison Jam

This morning we were breakfasted and out of our cabin by half past eight. We spent the morning taking a leisurely three or four mile hike around the geysers that surround Old Faithful. Our early start meant that we were always well ahead of the crowds and it was only as we approached Hamilton's Store at lunchtime that we saw larger groups of people.

The walk was punctuated at short intervals with geysers and thermal pools and the highlights included seeing The Castle spout which it only does a couple of times each day. The thermal pools are quite mesmerising as the water is crystal clear and the colours and forms of the mineral and algal deposits are truly beautiful.

After lunch we wandered back past Old Faithful and stopped to chat with a couple from Florida. Actually we stopped to stroke their large black Golden Doodle and thought we had better talk to them too out of politeness as it has been a week now with no canine company and we do miss T & M.

We got to talking about the park wildlife and they advised us to drive the 90 mile South Yellowstone loop as there was a 200 head herd of bison on the meadows between Canyon and Fishing Bridge.

So that was our afternoon sorted. The drive was a gentle 45 mph run through forest, open meadows and rolling hills. Yellowstone's volcanic history was never far away and from time to time a geyser or steaming vent came in to view.

Within a few miles we found our first wildlife as a group of four Elk cows sunned themselves by the roadside. Further on we were halted by our first "Elk Jam" as we crawled a mile or more to where a bull Elk was grazing by the roadside. The photos were a more than adequate reward for the wait to see such a fine animal.

Further on 30% excitedly called us to a halt as she had spotted a solitary Bison Bull resting by the road. As we took photos a Biker slowed and shouted that there were 200 just down the road. He hadn't exaggerated. Once we reached the end of the traffic queue were were rewarded with a herd of Bison and they are truly magnificent beasts. We even saw a bull swim across the river directly alongside the car and then shake off the water and dust bathe less than 20 yards away.

The real treat was a mile or so further on where we pulled in to a wooded picnic area where a dozen or more bison were resting in the shade. There were cows with light tan coloured calves and also a fine snorting and grunting bull who was escorting a cow that was obviously about to come in to season.

We arrived back at OF a little after seven and relaxed before dinner at The Old Faithful Lodge.
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Quote of the day: Ye Gods TP it smells like privy at Midsummer.

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Day 7: Grand Tetons to Yellowstone

Today we took our leave of Jackson Hole and headed on to Yellowstone National Park. Our chosen route was up through the Teton Park and we took the slower, narrow road from the Park entrance towards Teton Village. The road runs alongside the Snake River and we were rewarded with a close encounter with a cow moose. TP grabbed a couple of photos before the traffic build up forced us to move on.

The drive up to Yellowstone was an easy 70 miles of gently curving roads through forest interspersed with sunny meadows. We are staying in a cabin* a stones throw from the Old Faithful Geyser and arrived in the early afternoon. This gave us enough time to see Old Faithful do it's stuff a couple of times and take a walk around Geyser Hill before supper up at the Lodge. After dinner we sat out on the veranda and watched the sun set behind Old Faithful. A great end to the day.




Mineral Spring near Old Faithful, Yellowstone
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* think "shed with a bed"

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Day 6 continued

The planned early start didn't happen and instead we started with a leisurely, al fresco breakfast before taking a drive through the park.

We eventually arrived in Teton Village;a ski resort at the foot of Rendezvous Mountain. We took the lift to the 10,000 foot summit and enjoyed a brief stroll before settling at the mountain top cafe to enjoy the views in the company of a beer.

Back down in Teton Village we took another lift up to a restaurant where 30% partook of a champagne cocktail and we shared a couple of appetisers. Again the views were truly spectacular and the great food and drink added a touch of luxury to the splendour of the vista ....

.... However there was an "even better than that" moment as we saw our first Moose relaxing in the shade as we rode the lift to the top.

Tomorrow we set out for Yellowstone which is some 70 miles North.

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