I did slow down today

As has been the case for most of this week, today hardly left me breathless; A few e-mails were read, a few calls were attended and the working day can be summarised as long spells of boredom interrupted by occasional activity. I can think of only two occasions where I came anywhere near justifying my existence today.

The first of these relates to a Division of Dante's that provide us with certain Security Services. I had asked them for an updated quote and, for some strange reason, they treat this activity like a completely new business opportunity and set up opportunity records and take it through selection processes to decide whether they actually want to do it or not. I attended their Selection Call and persuaded them that it was a good idea to move forward ... That was today's fifteen minutes of fame.

The second occasion was late in the day where I arranged a review call to examine my statement on tooling on this current deal. What? I hear you ask. Yes, I know, it is sad and hardly relevant but this is a hoop that each and every deal has to jump though before a price can be put on the client's table. There is more too ... I have to ask a a panel to authorise the use of tools other than Dante's standards before we can offer a price, even though we have been using those same tools for the past four years with this client.

So for much of today I did very little and the work I did was overcoming Dante's imposed obstacles to winning business.

By four o'clock I had lost the will to live and headed out with the dogs for a walk. On our return I tidied myself up and 30% and I headed out to Littleton Auctions to to view the lots in advance of tomorrow's sale. There were a few bits and pieces that grabbed our attention but nothing that we will actually bother to bid on.

At the end of viewing we headed back home and stopped at The Fish at Wixford, where we met up with 30%'s brother and the Elf, for supper. It was nice to catch up on their news* but I wasn't overly impressed with the establishment. The burger they served was grey, hard and dry and the service started well but fell apart from the point when we were asked if we wanted to see the Dessert Menu ...

... we waited and we waited and we waited some more but nothing arrived. We continued chatting and eventually decided to give pudding a miss so I eventually caught the eye of a member of staff and requested the bill. It arrived quite promptly so I dropped a credit card on top of it and waited for it to be collected ... .. we waited and we waited and we waited some more but no-one arrived. In the end I picked up the saucer containing bill and card and headed up to the bar where I plonked it in front of the member of staff that had delivered it in the first place. I got an apology and and quite prompt service but I don't think I'll be eating there again. It just wasn't very good.

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* The Headline item was that a new home is needed for their Camper Van after a formal removal notice has been placed on it by the land owner

I really ought to slow down

For the past three days I have been using my bike to get to work and it is great. The weather is warm, the roads are dry and, with some careful filtering, there are absolutely no queues or hold ups, despite travelling during peak periods. The problem is that it has been such a long time since I rode my bike that I am enjoying the novelty probably a little too much ...

... it is not that my style of riding is dangerous but it is fair to say that I am exceeding the speed limits far too often and really need to slow down before Plod catches sight of me. The problem is that a new set of tyres and an incredibly willing motor make it very difficult to ease off the throttle.

On my journey in to work there are a couple of miles of country lanes with low hedges, open vistas and a flowing set of bends. They don't look particularity special when viewed on a map but the reality is fantastic. I am not alone in knowing this and bikers are regularly seen riding this stretch purely for the pleasure of it. The problem is that, despite appearing to be a wide lane, the road is actually classified as an "A Road" and traffic regularly puts pay to any fun and games on this short stretch of road...

The Cartographers got this so wrong

 ... Every day this week I have found myself sat behind some other vehicle whose presence has limited the pleasure of tipping a bike from side to side through these twists and curves. However this evening I had the road to myself. There was no traffic in either direction and I found myself and the Honda flowing along this lane with nothing to disturb this simple pleasure.

You probably had to be there, but I was very glad you weren't.

For a view on today's activities please refer to the previous Journal entry

No, seriously, I mean it ...

... today was virtually the same as yesterday from a work perspective and I am not going to repeat myself. Of course there were differences; there were no early morning discussions about vehicle parking at The Pile and today's obstructive Subject Matter Idiots were different to yesterdays but if I look back at this day from a year in to the future do I really need to recount the minor details that distinguish today from yesterday? I think not.

I will mention that it was a glorious evening and I did head straight out with T&M for a walk before dinner. Apart from that see yesterday.

Going to work

For the past two weeks there has been a significant alteration in my working arrangements. Three days each week I travel in to the Nearest Circle of Hell and actually meet up with the people I am working with. 30% and TP think that this social contact is good for me ... I however am not so sure!

It is nice to bump in to friends and I frequently link up with Grandad Jack for lunch and extended coffee breaks but it is starting to hit my pocket. So far I am down £4, as Jack has yet to cough up for the eggs he had last week and today I Robot ponced a quid off me, as he was short of car parking fees. At this rate I'll be skint by the end of the week and I'm not certain that being co-located actually creates working synergies as, from my perspective, I got fuck all done today. Working from home is far more efficient  for me as it means that spare moments can be spent on domestic duties rather than chatting or being politely mugged by frolleagues who "seem to be short of cash".

Then there is the daily commute, This as far from the best use of my time and there is also the cost of fuel and the impact on the planet. Today I attempted to address both the time and cost of travel by taking the Honda in to work. It is probably best to overlook the additional time it took to get my helmet and jacket on, extract the bike from the garage, get the engine warmed up and have a one-sided row* with 30% about where I had left her two cars and my Land Rover ...

... as I was saying, if we overlook the time required for these additional activities it most definitely shortens the journey time as the Defender is never going to be any good filtering through heavy traffic or hitting 100 mph on the few stretches of dual carriage way.  I think it fair to say that the only way the journey could be improved was if I didn't have to carry the bloody laptop with me.

Work was the usual series of formal and impromptu discussions. New activities were initiated and others, that should now be completed, stubbornly refuse to progress ... for the past few days I have been trying to get a statement on the tooling being used in our current project. I am making very slow progress and today I tried to get the Subject Matter Expert to provide guidance. This involved "door stepping" someone, who looked like they had just walked in to their first proper job, in an attempt to get five minutes of their time. The little git refused to assist even though this is most definitely part of his role to support.

I am slowly developing a list of wankers I never want to work with again on this new job.

As five o'clock approached I reviewed today's achievements and was disappointed by the brevity of this virtual list. It then dawned on me that I am not in charge so I mentally shrugged, grabbed my lid and jacket and headed off to play with the traffic.

The evening wasn't really very productive but I spent some time cutting more dental moulding and ordered some wood stain as I am going to have to attempt some colour mixing to achieve a match with the original polished moulding.

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* She was rowing. I refused to partake.

I wish more of my Mondays were like this

The current assignment is a little unusual for me in that I am not leading the team. I have been asked to "help out" and, although I was temporarily "in charge" last week, today I am back to providing a supporting role and doing my best to find useful things to do. I am amazed at how little stress is involved in this particular job. I grub around, looking under rocks and rotten logs, and pass beautifully prepared morsels back to the Leader to see whether they are acceptable or not ...

... the thing is, I have passed plenty of sweetmeats across to him but am not getting any feedback. I appreciate that he is busy but if he took some time out to delegate some aspects of the project across to me he might find it yielded a significant reduction in his workload. This delegation isn't happening so I am having a relatively easy time at the moment and it is so nice to not have to start work before nine and to knock off around five.

There is not a lot more I can say of any interest; spreadsheets got filled, e-mails got sent and calls got attended. A walk with T&M broke up the day and eventually the clock chimed five o'clock.*

My to do list has been considerably shortened over the past few weeks and after spending ten minutes repositioning the Box Frame on the Landing** I was wondering what to do ...

... I ended up out in the garage where I made a start on the light restoration of the Mahogany Corner Cupboard we bought back in February. The cupboard has a crown moulding that has a dental moulding directly underneath it. Over the years a section of the dental moulding has come away and a few pieces have broken off giving it a gap toothed appearance. I had acquired a couple of strips of mahogany and spent a happy hour replicating sections of the dental moulding. The next task will be to stain them an appropriate colour and get them glued back in place.

It all seems so easy when I type this in to The Journal.

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* So it was probably about four minutes past.
** the original hanging looked dreadful but simply dropping it eight inches and moving it across a couple of inches too made all the difference.

Madness, Motors & Mates

One day last week I took lunch with Grandad Jack. This is always a humorous affair and one of that day's stories concerned the current Mrs H.  Apparently Mrs H has it in her head that wireless computer networking causes cancer and, as a result, Jack has to hard wire his laptop in to his home broadband socket. He has tried to explain that his house is liberally permeated with all manner of electromagnetic waves from television and radio through to mobile telephone and next door's wireless network but to no avail. Mrs H will not budge from her opinion and an RJ45 LAN cable will forever be seen nestling in Jack's laptop bag ...

... Now why would I mention this? We all laughed at this tale of an unfounded but strongly held view and Jack's grudging compliance. I am also guessing that the diners were thinking "I'm glad my significant other doesn't display that level of irrationality". I was too until today when 30% came bloody close.

This morning we were off to the final match of the Rugby season at a ground that turned out to be just down the road from the Warwick Arts Centre in Coventry. Before we left 30% informed me that she had turned off the dehumidifier as she didn't want to leave it on while we were out of the house. I pondered this for a moment and then asked if she was aware that the unit was designed such that, if required, it could be left permanently running in, for example, a holiday cottage or caravan. 30% acknowledged this new and pertinent fact but her opinion wavered not. She pointed out that it was a heater and she didn't want to leave it running for fear of fire. I pointed out that it was actually more like a refrigeration unit than a heater but it was still not allowed to run unattended.

I really could not be bothered to debate this monument of irrationality and we headed off to the rugby game after turning off the dehumidifier. The refrigerator, fridge freezer and two upright freezers on the property were, however, all allowed remain on while we were out!

The last match went well. I didn't think it was brilliant but TP's team came away with a 17:5 victory which was a great way to end one of their best seasons so far. It also means that we now get our Sunday mornings back after six months of working around training and match fixtures.

A late lunch was promptly followed by a walk around the Three Miler with T&M as we were expecting visitors in the afternoon. 30% had arranged for an old frolleague of hers to pay us a call. She had semi lost touch but her new car has a couple of minor blemishes and, as he runs the local ChipsAway franchise, this seemed like an opportune situation to rekindle the friendship. To cut a long story very short; he turned up with his new fiancee and we ended up with an invitation to their wedding at the end of August.

It was also a case of fortuitous timing as 30%'s brother and the Elf turned up at the same time to show off their recently acquired 1970 VW Minivan. It was quite charming and will make a splendid camper van provided the availability of funds matches their plans and desires. The reason their visit was fortuitous was that 30%'s brother has had his car "keyed" and needs the services of an auto paint technician.*

 By the time the house had emptied it was time to light a fire and spend a quiet evening with only the only effort expended being the few steps in to the dining room for dinner.

Shit, it's work again tomorrow.

 ---

* The VW van does too but the words full body and respray are ones that will feature in any quotation for that work.

On a Mission

I have been on a Mission today and have wreaked havoc amongst the many items on my to do list. Let me explain ...

... I woke at a reasonable hour and, after liberation of chickens, spent a lazy time drinking coffee and preparing for the day. This involved extricating the Honda from the garage as I have made a resolution to use both of the bikes as much as possible this Summer after last year's complete wash out. Now a motorcycle wouldn't be my normal choice of vehicle for a visit to a DIY store but I was fairly confident that it could transport me and a load comprising; a replacement ball valve and a few corner bracing brackets. It was great to be out on the bike as she made a mundane trip in to a fun ride and is a lot easier on my pocket than the Defender when it comes to fuel.

I arrived home just as 30% prepared to head out on whatever errands was she had planned for the morning* and decided to extend my ride a little further by grabbing a handful of cash and nipping down the road to pay PtP for his recent, and hopefully final, assistance with the leak issue.

Debts settled, I finally made a start on the first job of the day which was to replace the ball valve in the en suite wc. I am not a huge fan of plumbing tasks and, whilst I have had successes, I have also bitten off more that I can chew on a couple of occasions too, so am now very wary of jobs that start with the instruction turn off the mains supply. ** On this occasion the job went well and the cistern now refills without the foghorn sound that is indicative of a knackered ball valve.

I had just finished tidying and had gone on to put last week's guanciale cure to soak for an hour when there was a knock at the door. 30% had advertised my redundant mitre saw on a Freecycle web site and one of the local Redditch Vultures had descended for a choice piece of carrion. I passed the time of day with him and let him lug it off to his car cheerfully advising that the sawdust now coating his jumper was free. mind you the saw was too.

After a quick lunch the guanciale was dried, wrapped and hung from the hooks in the kitchen. I then took T&M out for a walk. For the first time in weeks I took a diversion from our normal route and headed over the fields. The dogs had a wonderful time especially around the rabbit warrens on the hill. After an hour out in the fields and lanes I needed something to fill the rest of my afternoon ...

... I am conscious that I have been wittering on about it for many weeks so I finally settled down and completed my box frame project. The spear heads were mounted and the components assembled and screwed together. It has been a bit of a project starting with a few sketches and ending up with a fine decorative feature.

From this ...

To this.

It is fair to say that the evening involved me doing nothing more complex than slouching on the sofa.

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* I later found out that it was a supermarket trip and adjustment of the tracking on her car
** as they have a tendency to spiral down in to sprays of water, frustration, swearing, the need to call in a Professional, being patronised and ending up with a significant invoice!

Today's Miserable Sod was far better

Friday was spent attempting to cajole information from unwilling colleagues and insert it in to a spreadsheet. I was somewhat frustrated to repeatedly hear "I've never heard of that strategic tool", from people who like to use the words Subject, Matter and Expert when describing their roles, as I attempted to develop a declaration of the projects alignment with Dante's vision of the future ...

... In the end I was forced to significantly reduce my quality standard to a level where I was happy if I had managed to put correctly spelled words in a spreadsheet cell!

Eventually five o'clock was chimed by the clock* in the hall and I signed off. I was more than ready to start the weekend.

This evening we headed over to Warwick Arts Centre to see Rich Hall perform his stand up show and a fine time was had by all. I must admit that many of the stories, jokes and ad libbed songs were repeated from his previous run of shows but there was a smattering of new and updated material. Despite the lack of new jokes it was still hugely funny and Hall effortlessly delivered his set in his curmudgeonly yet likeable way. It was definitely an 8/10 gig and would have been much nearer the perfect 10 if he had a greater quantity of new material.

---

so it was probably about three minutes past five

Miserable Sod

It was  another day at the nearest Circle of Hell keeping plates spinning. I will avoid boredom by not going in to detail save for two items of news. The first of these is that the Lead Solution Manager is now virtually back at work. I'm not sure whether I mean virtual as in working but not physically in the office or virtual as in almost or nearly working as he recovers from his chicken pox. After further thought I actually think I may have picked a word where both definitions are relevant in it's single use.

The other newsworthy item was that I was called in to a meeting and had my first real encounter with the Account Executive and what a miserable sod he turned out to be. Now I do not walk in to work and expect to be lauded or have rose petals strewn across my path as I walk amongst the cubicles but I am used to most people being friendly and generally pleased to be working together on a common goal ...

... Mr Grumpy was most definitely not one of these and simply started Alpha Male posturing and making barely veiled threats about how much grief he was going to give people if he slipped the delivery date and then ended up with price he didn't like. He also started hassling me about plans and delivery dates when, as I had clearly fucking explained, I had only been engaged at the back end of last week and had spent all of this week doing the work of a man who was off sick.

I did what I normally do with large men who like to throw their weight around and simply stood up to him and made sure that he understood the facts, whilst refusing to be intimidated by unnecessary demands ...

... it is not as though I needed any more friends at the moment anyway.

The working day eventually ended and I headed back to The Pile where I pottered for a while before dining and slouching on the sofa. The only domestic activity of any significance was the production of a new batch of cure as I have two pig's cheeks turning slowly in to guanciale in the cellar fridge.

Roll on five o'clock Friday.

What's long and hard and very little comes out of the end of it ?

No, not an erect penis , as you might be thinking ... I was actually summarising my working day. Once again, I hauled my unlucky arse in to the Defender and headed over to the Nearest Circle of Hell to continue in my new, but temporary, role as Lord of the Chimps. This is the job where I know virtually nothing but have played the game before, As a result I appear to be exuding some sort of pheromone which makes the rest of the team think I know what I am doing.

I managed to avoid exposing my ignorance today and, after putting on my thoughtful face, spent four fucking hours in a solution review. I am guessing that my thoughtful face lasted about 30 minutes before it headed off under the table for a snooze and was replaced by my bored rigid, get me out of here face which, based on observations, seems to have much more staying power.

At the end of the review I had a better understanding of what the team were doing and had made a few suggestions about areas they might like to address.* I then had the joy of a ninety minute call attempting to clarify network requirements.

It is fair to say that the network call wiped out the last smidgeon of enthusiasm I had left in my body so I packed up the laptop and headed back towards The Pile.

By the time I got home I had regained some enthusiasm and today's mail had given me something to do ...

A couple of months ago, while working on TP's electric ukulele project, my router died. I must have had it for over twenty years and it simply, spluttered, sparked and refused to work. I borrowed BMS's router to finish the ukulele but, as I used it, I realised how accustomed I had got to my Old Bosch Router. The Bosch is only a low powered 400 watt motor but it is so well designed, compact and, for twenty years, has done everything I asked of it. I was quite sorry to see it go and and, since it's death, it has sat waiting to go to the Tip.

For some strange reason I got it in to my head that the router's brushes had failed. I don't know where the hell this notion came from, as I am not really one for meddling with mechanical devices, but the idea came and would not go away. In the end I lifted the router from the junk pile and disassembled it on the work bench. As I took it apart I noticed a Made In Switzerland label and this encouraged me to continue. I opened up the tool and it was assembled like the proverbial Swiss watch, everything was beautifully put together, from quality components and it was ridiculously simple to get to the brushes ...

Today the replacement brushes arrived, so I headed out to the garage and spent half an hour replacing them and giving the tool a minor service. I eventually plugged it in and hit the power switch. It now runs perfectly and has now been lovingly placed back in it's box to nestle alongside the router bits.

On the bike front; Tim from Moto-vation has responded to my chaser call and it looks like I will be taking the 996 over to Cheltenham at the beginning of May. The tax disk also arrived for the Honda so I can now legitimately take her out on the road again.

As the day ends I know that I have definitely fixed one thing, I'm not so sure about the project at work though.

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* One of these areas is the Mid-Range Chap's fashion sense, as his T Shirt looks like his Mum bought it for him.

Another day in a real office

After two days on the job I have suddenly acquired the status of font of all knowledge and have spent much of the day in long discussions about matters where I am so far behind the curve that my knowledge level is more Children's story than Encyclopaedia Britannica...

... As a result I have been forced to resort to relying on common sense and honesty in my responses and it is working well so far. There have been occasions where some bullshit and bravado has been required too but at least the team have a replacement captain short, gobby figurehead during this week of uncertainty. I am doing my best to keep matters progressing whilst the Lead Solution Manager lies at home, presumably applying calamine lotion.

After a long day in the office all I wanted to do was come home and slouch on the couch so it will come as no surprise that I was simply delighted to be dragged over to Cheltenham Town Hall to see Jimmy Carr.

I am far from a fan of the moon faced, tax dodger but 30% had been given a pair of tickets for her birthday and felt obliged to take me along. To be fair the gig wasn't that bad and overall I gave it a 6 / 10 on the basis that some of the jokes made me laugh. However it wasn't a particularly sophisticated routine and looked like he had taken a 1970s club comedian's act and simply updated it for modern times. It was basically a series of very short gags. Each followed broadly the same structure with a single set up line and then the punchline. Some of them were funny, some of them were not and, despite his reputation for controversial material, there was nothing to offend the audience apart from a lack of effort involved in the writing of his set.

It was better than I had expected it to be but I am glad I didn't have to pay for the tickets.

Why Me ?

It looks like my week will be interesting as within twenty minutes of starting work I was pinged by a colleague ...

... He is the Project Lead on the bid where I have been asked to lend a hand and it appears that he has gone down with Chicken Pox over the weekend. He informed me that he is unlikely to be in work this week and asked me to keep an eye on a couple of activities. Oh Well, they only have a couple of weeks before they submit a price to the client and I know Sweet Fanny Adams about the project scope, project plan, project team, project status, etc etc. However, there seems to be no-one else around to take charge so I did the decent thing ...

... What on earth could go wrong? I'm sure it will be fine! *

Away from work, leak number three has been repaired by PtP and the curtain poles have been ordered from the Blacksmith. I have ordered a set of new brushes for my router and have chased up the Ducati Service and status of my photo processing.

The problem is, new items are appearing on my to do list faster than I am completing them.

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* I am taking this forward on the basis that, ultimately, it is SEP ... Someone Else's Problem

There was less of today than expected

Much like last Sunday, most of today was taken up by a Rugby Match. TP's team were scheduled to play a few miles down the road against some seriously strong opposition that I wouldn't bet against. On a more positive note the club is also infamous for it's tremendous bacon sandwiches so, even though a defeat was likely, I stood a good chance of watching the game with a full belly ...

...  It is fair to say that the result came as no surprise to me. TP's team played well against a tough team but the opposition were well drilled and hungry for a win having been consistently beaten all season. As a result the final score was 37:3 with TP and his mates managing only a single penalty goal. I was somewhat bemused by the reaction of the Coaches to the score. As I stated, the opposition are notoriously good and, even if they had just come through a poor season, the game was still like a minnow coming up against a shark. 

Oh well, at least I got myself on the outside of a magnificent bacon and sausage sandwich for the princely sum of £1.80.

We arrived back home a little after one o'clock and, after lunch I headed out with T&M for a walk around the Three Miler. Upon our return, fatigue took over me and I hit the sofa for a restorative nap. Forty minutes later I reluctantly dragged myself up on to my feet and headed down to the cellar to recover the pig's head from the fridge. After putting an edge on my favourite knife, I removed the cheeks and trimmed them up. They were then given a good massage with cure mixture and returned to the fridge in a plastic tub. By the end of the week these will be converted in to guanciale which has become a store cupboard staple here at The Pile.

I then headed out to the garage to continue my tidying and spent an hour pottering, sweeping and clearing space. I returned to the house shortly before dinner to be informed that TP had rung a local pub about a job and needed to drop a CV in to the manager. We therefore spent a few minutes sketching out the achievement of his brief existence and left him to type it up ...

... Dinner was the first meal taken in the new Dining Room and it was lovely to sit and eat in a light and airy, uncluttered room after so many years in the gloom of the old hall. After dinner I would normally head for the sofa but this evening I headed out in the Defender so that TP could drop his CV off in the hope of seeking gainful employment over the summer.

I note that the questions of transport to and from this potential employment opportunity has not yet been discussed.

Mafia visit and the art installation

Since it's purchase and use a few months back, my morticer has taken on the role of a piece of modern sculpture and has been installed in our current dining room where it had attracted curious glances from visitors and frustrated outbursts from the family when they need to get past the damned thing. I see this a indisputable evidence of it's status as art as it has evoked emotional responses from it's audience. However, as a result of today's efforts, it now has a new home in the Museum of Metropolitan Art garage. Let me explain ...

After, cutting and jointing a couple of the bench legs yesterday I was keen to get on with the job and was breakfasted, and working before nine o'clock. By the time 30% surfaced at around ten o'clock I had glued and screwed the first half of the frame together and was well on the way to constructing the second. I won't bore an already dwindling readership with the minutiae of it's construction and will move on towards lunchtime when 30% was about to leave for an afternoon of Musical Theatre in Birmingham ...

... As she was about to depart, taking a minor detour to drop TP off at the Rugby Club, she noticed a large carrier bag had been deposited on our doorstep. On closer examination it became apparent that we had either upset the local Mafia Big Style or Cathy H-R had recently slaughtered a pig ... The bag contained a pig's head and, as I am sure I would remember if I had moved in on a local protection racket or drug ring, I am fairly certain that Cathy's customers have again refused the head when buying half a pig. It therefore looks like I will be starting a guanciale cure tomorrow then.

Most of the day was spent building the bench and further tidying the garage. By half past four I had finished and was absolutely shattered.  I didn't have much opportunity to rest as T&M still needed to be walked so it was a case of a quick coffee and out around the Three Miler.

After the walk I then had to collect TP from the Rugby Club where he had been assisting with a Charity Event. Normally I would have taken the Defender but the beautiful weather and a lack of diesel meant that the Honda got dragged from her lair and was used to pick him up. By the time I got home I was exhausted and TP was left to order a Chinese takeaway. Fortunately I had just enough energy left to rectify the Defender / Diesel issue and collect "number 90" from Astwood House Chinese.

The rest of the evening was spent trying, but failing, to fall asleep on the sofa, whilst praying that the twinges of heartburn didn't flare up in to full blown indigestion.

A full day

After the usual morning routine of coffee, chicken liberation, emptying of dogs and breakfast I gathered my helmet, gloves and jacket and accepted a lift from 30% over to Redditch Motorcycles to pick up the Honda. I'm becoming accustomed to their somewhat disorganised approach and it came as no real surprise that, whilst the bike was MOT'd, serviced and had a new set of tyres, it wasn't actually there ...

... basically it had been MOT'd at a workshop in Alcester and needed to be collected. There was no point getting wound up about this so I chatted to Chris as he opened up the shop. Eventually his assistant arrived which meant that Chris could give me a pillion ride over to pick up my bike. Whilst I was loitering I did attempt to throw my leg over the BMW 1200GS in the showroom but the cruel shark of reality surfaced in my pipe dream of ownership, there was no way a short arse like me would ever be comfortable on anything that tall.

It was great to have the bike back on the road and, as I headed back to The Pile, it felt much more planted with new rubber. I may well have the Ducati serviced there if I can't get a response from Moto-vation as Chris is now happy to work on these complicated Italian V Twins.

Back at home I rang PtP and asked him to come over and check out yet another bloody leaking pipe.* I really can't believe our misfortune as I have noticed that another of the pipes in the bathroom has a slight weep from one of the compression joints ... at the moment it looks like everything in the house is dripping as both T&M have come in to season too. PtP advised that he would see if he could pop round later on to have a look and I reassured him that it wasn't urgent as it was a weep not a leak and could wait if he was busy.

Having got the important things out of the way, I finally sat down at my laptop and sent my CV over to Mr O&L to see whether any of the Management at Neat & Tidy Piano Movers would be interested in procuring my services. I then settled to work.

It was the normal disorganised nonsense and the political wrangles about who owns my current project continue. I am stuck in the middle of a bunch of Execs all chasing a win bonus but they can't all own the Engagement. It is fair to say that a couple of them are going to be quite pissed off in the next week or so as the hand-over workshop I was asked to run is likely to be cancelled.  This basically means that we are going to keep it rather than hand it back to the Account Team ... This will, without doubt, be an interesting spectacle.

I pushed a few rocks around on the latest project and started to sequentially arrange ducks but I was well aware that it is Friday and, quite literally, could not be arsed to start anything huge with the weekend imminent. Instead, I pottered and kept busy sorting out the Honda's Road Fund License and tweaking my to do list.

Late in the afternoon PtP popped round and examined my pipework. His verdict was that I really should find another Plumber as it will be a pig of a job ... we laughed and after a good natter he promised to pop around on Monday unless a more lucrative job turned up over the weekend.

It was fair to say that Paul's visit created a natural end to my working day and TP and 30% arrived home shortly thereafter. After greetings and news I headed out to the garage and made a start on my new work bench and within an hour had much of the timber cut and had made  a start on the joints to fix the top rails to the legs. As I finished trimming the final rebate 30% summoned me and we headed out for the final job of the day ... we nipped over to see Sally to collect our reupholstered dining chairs. She has made a superb job of them and they look fantastic now they have been cleaned, polished and recovered in a Sage Green leather.

I'm guessing that we may actually get to eat in the Dining Room this weekend.

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* in the same area as the ones he fixed last week. This one will be a complete and utter pig to fix as it sits behind the soil stack and is far from accessible.

Hello, and what do you do ...

This morning I left 30% in charge of receiving my delivery of plywood and 2" x 4" and headed in to the nearest Circle of Hell to meet the new team I have been assigned to assist. It has been an absolute age since I was last in an Office environment and 30% is has a firm opinion* that working from home is not good for me and that I need human contact rather than just relying on her shouting dulcet tones and TP's grunts. I point out that I have a whole population of imaginary friends to talk to but she just throws this back at me as evidence that I need to get out more. I generally leave these conversations by saying that I will discuss them with Tyson and Marauder and we'll get back to her once we have reached a collective decision.**

Anyway, I seem to have wandered slightly off the point there, back to the Office, I found the new team by good fortune as I wandered in to their general locale in the open plan layout ...

... as I was about to use my phone to ring my contact I heard "Hello badman". I turned and noticed an ex-colleague from many years ago that had done rather well for herself and now managed a group of Junior Account Executives. We exchanged pleasantries, including me mentioning what I was up to, and within a flash I was being led up the walkway and was being introduced to Uncle Tom Cobley and all. 

I am bloody hopeless with names and, in an instant, had forgotten all but my main man who I will be supporting over the next few weeks. It was interesting to note that I was not completely surrounded by strangers as I have worked, or crossed paths, with at least four of the team in my fifteen year career sentence at Dante's. I spent the day attempting to work out what the hell they were up to and where I might be able to provide some assistance. They seemed quite happy with my input and I picked up a few actions to progress. The interesting point about this is that as I am most definitely not the Lead Solutioner I am totally relaxed about the whole job. My arse is not on the line here and every thing I do will be viewed as supportive and productive provided I don't fuck anything up.

During the day I found time to send out invitations for workshop I am planning to hand back my current project to the Account Team. These seem to have caused a little spat as the Account Team are expecting me to give it back and the Sales Team want me to hold on to it. I am in a situation where I neither know who my master is or what they want me to do so I have set up a call with a bunch of Execs and I propose to let them argue it out amongst themselves whilst I sit back and take minutes.

By four o'clock it was fair to say that I was well and truly over the excitement  of seeing other people and headed back home to take the dogs for a walk.

I have decided that colleagues just give you somebody to talk to instead of working.

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* not a single one of her opinions requires Viagra ... never!
** at this point she pulls one of those faces. You know what I mean. I think they are generally referred to as withering looks

Other Stuff

During the day I managed to find time to chase up Job Finder Steve for his appraisal of my CV. It is fair to say that he liked it and that is was ideal for roles similar to what I do at present, but he suggested that I could further promote my soft skills to broaden the range of roles available. It looks like I will be making a few minor tweaks tomorrow before passing it over to a possibly interested party.

Keeping Busy

The almost complete lack of activity on my Project has given me time to fill. I have done my best to keep busy by addressing the never ending to do list that is generally summed up as life.

This morning I arranged for the Builders Merchants to deliver a sheet of ply and length of 4" x 2"  tomorrow morning. I will then have enough materials for my work bench and plan to throw that together on Saturday. I then wandered out to the garage, Ducati keys in hand ...

... Another filthy dust sheet was removed and I swear she winked at me as daylight hit her for the first time in months. I put her alarm in to service mode and spent a few minutes maneuvering her so she was facing the garage door and put her up on to a workshop stand.* The ignition was switched on and the instrument cluster lit up. I hit the starter button and she fired up. I instantly hit the kill switch to give her a chance to throw some oil around the long dormant engine before running her for any length of time. I repeated this a couple of times and then let her run filling the garage with her throbbing engine notes and petrol tainted exhaust fumes ...

... next job on the list was to send a text to Moto-vation to see if they can find an MOT and Service slot for her in the next couple of weeks.

I headed back to my desk for a while and a little after eleven the dining table was delivered. I gave the Driver a hand to carry it in to the Dining Room and it looks absolutely fantastic. It is a late Victorian. mahogany extender with ball and claw carved feet and is in beautiful condition for it's age. I can't wait for the chairs to arrive, curtain poles to arrive, curtains to be made ...

... Yes, I know there are still a few jobs to do before the room is finally finished!

Later on in the day I was "pinged" by IM who advised that he wanted me to continue to wind down my current project and provide a little process support on another contract extension activity. I am more than happy to help out but am becoming more than a little frustrated at the gulf that seems to be appearing between my job title and the nature of the work I am being allocated.

The "working" day ended and all three of us headed over to TP's school for a meeting about a 6th Form exchange programme, in which TP is interested in participating ...

... it looks like he may be heading out to Zambia next Easter!

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* she has a racing pedigree and a result of this is that she cannot be started whilst her side stand is down. I therefore either need to hold her or put her on a workshop stand to start the engine.

Always the Quantity Surveyer

A few weeks ago I bumped in to C&M ..."C" was pushing a trundle wheel in an attempt to determine the actual length of the Three Miler.

Today, whilst walking the dogs, I met C&M out for a blustery walk and remembered to ask about his findings ...

... I can now report that, measured as a "circular" route starting at the Pub in the Green, the Three Miler is officially 2.66 miles in length.

I can, however, still claim a three mile walk as the return journey from home to the Pub is at least 600 yards.

Going AWOL

It was another quiet day and I had absolutely zero motivation to fill my time with the on-line, patronising attempt at brain washing that Dante's Nine Circles of Hell like to refer to as Education. I therefore spent the first half of the morning finishing the draft of my CV and sent it out to Job Finder Steve to get the benefit of his experience with IT Industry curriculum vitae.

By eleven o'clock I was finished and took T&M out for walk. Lunch followed and I then clambered in to the Defender and headed over to raid BMS's supply of timber ... I spent an hour or so with Pater; fighting off the attentions of Tilly and chatting, before loading a few lengths of timber, for my work bench, on to the roof rack and heading back home. I took a minor detour via the feed store and picked up a few bags of Layers Pellets while I was out and about.

I made a call to see whether the Honda was ready to be collected and  learnt that the MOT had been completed but workload had delayed the service and tyre fitting. Chris apologetically asked if I could put off collection until later in the week. This seems to be the norm at his workshop but he is such a nice chap and I am in no hurry so advised that I would see him Thursday or Friday, depending on the weather.

As afternoon turned to evening I headed out to the garage with the aim of making a start on the work bench but was overtaken by a bizarre urge to tidy ... within the next hour I had transformed the floor space in the garage. 30%'s abandoned shelving/storage unit project was relocated to the front cellar under my recently imposed statute of limitations ruling.* Two wooden pallets were taken outside and converted in to firewood.** Various items of clutter were packed up in to the roof space and the floor was given a bloody good sweeping.

I am amazed at how much space I have managed to recover and there is more yet to do!

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* any abandoned item or project can be relocated / put away / thrown away, without feat of retribution from the item / project owner, after a vaguely defined period of abandonment that is generally greater than 14 calendar days
** it has been such a long time since the chainsaw last broke cover and she performed beautifully, as usual

Another quiet day in the office

There is not a huge amount I can say about work today as I didn't exactly do much of it. The future of my current project is unclear; one Exec expects me to hand it back to him another is suggesting that we should hold on to it and just "mothball" it for a few weeks. There is absolutely no clarity on the Engagement or Sales strategy for this opportunity so, in the absence of any guidance, I am wrapping things up and hoping to disengage within the next two to three weeks.

I pottered around the edge of my project for a while today but, if I am totally honest, most of my day was spent pulling my CV together.

At about ten o'clock in the morning 30% rang and was very excited. She had been looking at a mahogany dining table on eBay for a few days and yesterday had asked a few questions of the Seller. Her call was to advise that she had spoken to the Seller, liked the sound of it and had bought the table. I was somewhat amazed as 30% can be frustratingly slow to make a decision, lingering for literally weeks over minutiae, and then just go for it in the blink of an eye. The table does look beautiful and, as I learnt, in the next couple of breathless calls, a) it will be delivered on Wednesday but b) I needed to pay for it!

Eventually the PayPal invoice arrived and I dutifully made the payment only to have the damned thing reversed by PayPal moments later! Apparently their fraud detection algorithms had identified unusual activity on my account. I think it is fair to say that I was somewhat frustrated by this as I use PayPal regularly and the cost of the table was hardly an order of magnitude higher than the Mitre Saw I purchased last week. The other frustration was I then had to jump through a series of hoops to restore my account to normality. One of these was to submit an electronic copy of a recent credit card invoice and wait for some invisible and uncontactable gnome to deem it suitable evidence of my legitimacy.

I realised that account reactivation was never going to happen today and in the end just rang my bank and performed an electronic transfer of funds to the Seller. What did I learn from this? ... PayPal is an incredibly easy way to transfer monies but, unlike a bank, they are virtually impossible to talk to and hence I have no idea how I would have forewarned them that I was about to make a significant purchase using their systems.

Oh well, the table is on it's way and I can't be arsed to get up tight with a bloody on-line e-commerce service.

The rest of the day was quiet, the dogs got walked and last week's to do list was closed and this week's was drawn up. It looks like I will be getting my box frame finished and a new work bench installed in the garage.