The Cold Caller

All being well I am now one day off receiving the RFP from the potential new client and then all Hell is likely to break loose. I am not getting too excited yet as it is not unknown for the release of RFPs to be delayed so it would not come as a surprise to not see it until after the weekend.

There is not a huge amount to report on today's activities. After all it is the middle of the working week and after work, walking the dogs and a few other domestic activities I don't really have either energy or inclination to do much else with myself. At the moment I seem to be doing most of my living at the weekend.

In order to fill a little more white space I will recount a ridiculous call I took on Tuesday from British Gas. I won't give a verbatim narrative but it started along the lines of Hello Mr bad man, I notice from our records that you used to be a British Gas Customer …". Basically it was a cold call using old customer data in an attempt to persuade me to return to them as my domestic energy supplier.  I had a few minutes free so didn't go with my normal practice of just putting the 'phone down and walking away; letting the caller talk to thin air. However, the first question didn't sit well with me. British Gas wanted to know who I currently used as my energy supplier and were somewhat surprised when I told them that it was none of their business. The call irritated me further when the Call Centre employee tried to persuade me to release this information by telling me that he was quite prepared to tell me who he bought his energy from. I pointedly replied that that fact was of no interest to me and didn't change the fact that my energy supplier was my business not his.

I let him make a start on his script before I reined him in and pointed out that it was obvious that this was an attempt to persuade me to return to British Gas as my energy provider. For some strange reason he didn't really want to confirm this as the reason for the call and attempted to waffle about wanting to understand my energy requirements and the choices available. I thought I was being helpful when I advised that what drove my selection of Energy Provider was the tariff and if he wanted me to revert to British Gas he simply needed to send me a leaflet that clearly showed that BG's prices were significantly lower than the other UK suppliers. The caller advised that he could only issue electronic communications so I rattled off my email address at a fair rate of knots. The caller didn't ask me to repeat the email address or repeat it back to me for confirmatory purposes so I was fairly confident that my in-box was not going to receive a non-existent tariff comparison email.

The chap from the Call Centre didn't seem convinced that price was the only factor in me deciding my provider so I pointed out that it was the only variable factor. After all, the electricity and gas will come from the same production plants via the same distribution networks irrespective of which Supplier I choose. I did ask whether he was going to try to tell me that British Gas was going to sell me a different type of electricity and at least he had the decency to acknowledge that they were not.

The caller then tried a new tack advising that he wanted to run through a series of Ofgen* approved questions with me. I said that was fair enough but pointed out that a) I only had 5 minutes before my next conference all and b) had a short attention span and low boredom threshold. The first few questions from the Ofgen List were house type, size and age. He then went on to ask how much I spent on energy every year and seemed somewhat surprised when I told him that was none of his business either. His alternative approach was to ask about my energy usage. I pointed out that if he was from British Gas they would have my customer records spinning on a hard disk somewhere at one of their data centres. I added that 2010 was a rather chilly Winter so that should be taken in to account when determining my annual usage. The caller advised that he did not have access to that data and seemed surprised when I advised that that was his problem not mine and that I had neither the time nor the inclination to do his job for him.

The final straw came when he asked when I used electricity. I pointed out that this was a bizarre question as the natural answer was "all the time". After all I have a refrigerator and freezers and they tend to work best when switched on 24 x 7. By this time my patience had long since dissipated and my conference call was only minutes away. I referred the chap back to the point I had made earlier about my short attention span and hung up on him.

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* For readers** not familiar with British Administrivia Ofgen is the UK Energy Regulatory Authority.
** This is probably most relevant to the reader in Telford, Pennsylvania. You visit nearly every day but never say "Hello".

The calm before the storm?

Tuesday was much more to my liking from a work perspective. I was "holed up" in the study at home and things weren't too frenetic. That is not to say that here weren't the usual cock-ups and mismanagement to deal with but it all came in reasonable quantities and support appears to be on hand when name dropping isn't getting any results.

I also managed to cross another item off my To Do List today when I finally paired the Bull Horns with their Mounting Plaque and screwed them to the wall. They may not be to everyone's taste but I love them.

42" from tip to tip.
Probably more than 50" when still attached to the skull

These were part of a scruffy lot at Littleton Auction and have sat in the garage for the best part of twelve months. Their "upcycling"involved the fabrication of a new cow hide sleeve to cover the join between the two horns, manufacture of a mounting plaque and then joining the two together.

Apart from that there isn't much else to report for today. 30% received an e-mail from TP advising that he has summitted the Leaning Tower of Pisa and will be back at home on Thursday. I must admit it has been strange not having him around for the past couple of weeks.

A gentle start to the working week

This morning saw 30% and I were up and active at a fairly early hour. Shortly after eight o'clock the dogs were put in the back of the car and we headed off to The Depot, taking a minor diversion to drop T&M off at the dog grooming salon.

The working day was uneventful and could be summarised as a reasonably gentle start to the week. The Office was very quiet now that the Summer Holiday period has started and only one of my team mates was in work today. Unfortunately he is somewhat lacking in personality so, after a few work related pleasantries, I was left to keep myself amused for most of the day.

We picked up T&M on our way home from work and they have undergone an incredible transformation after yesterday's rampage through fields, undergrowth and streams left them looking like Swamp Dogs. They are now definitely more "show ring" than "field dog"but it won't be long before they become scruffy again.

The evening was as uneventful as the day. I progressed my Bull Horn project slightly further,  applying the final coat of Danish Oil to the oak plaque and inserting two screw eyes in to the horns. I now need to fix a slotted mirror plate to the back of the plaque before I mount the horns and declare the job a success/failure.*

I also had a few minutes of fun with a can of Expanding foam filling a couple of cavities at the foot of the door frame between the Hall and the Kitchen. Once this has set it will be sanded back and covered with wood filler to deal with a gap between the frame and floor.

… and that was it. Monday was just about done. 30%'s lamb cutlets on a bed of roasted vegetables deserves a mention as it was very good and this plaudit ends my account for today.

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* Delete where applicable

Awesome!

I started Sunday at a gentle pace. The first of the day's activities was to head over to the local feed store and pick up a few bags of layers pellets and a bale of shavings for the chickens. I was soon back and was unloading them into the garage when 30% arrived home from her open air performance at Eastnor Castle. I caught up with her news and then headed back out to the garage …

… When I put the Enfield back in the garage yesterday afternoon I connected up the battery charger but the indicator lights showed that no charge was being delivered. I tried to power it off and reconnect it a couple of times but that had not rectified the issue so this morning I planned an investigation. The simplest approach was to connect the charger to another of my bikes*. I tried the Honda and was instantly awarded with the correct sequence of indicator lights. The problem was obviously inside the battery compartment of the Bullet.

It was a few moments work to remove the cover to the battery and I could then see that one of the ring connectors on the charger harness had self destructed and had detached itself from the battery terminal. Connection of the charger yesterday evening had obviously been the final straw and the slight wiggling of the cable had been enough to fracture the ring connector, separating it from the wire.

I put the battery cover back on the Enfield and rode her in to Redditch to pick up some 15 amp cable and connectors. Back at home it was time for lunch before I headed back out to the garage where I could be found crouched over a soldering iron; tinning bare wires, joining them and restoring this simple loom to working order. Twenty minutes later the Bullet was back in once piece, connected to her life support system and snug under her dust cover. A few moment more were required to put away the tools and I was then ready for my next project.

The next couple of hours were spent fabricating an oak plaque as a mount for the pair of Bull Horns I have been restoring. A short length of oak floor board was located and cut to size. A detail was routed around the edge and I then spent a good while sanding it before dusting it off and tidying up. Once the dust had settled and the tools had been put away I applied a coat of Danish Oil and then headed back in to the house.

The weather today was glorious, but nowhere near as hot as yesterday, so 30% and I decided to put T&M in the back of the car and head over to the woods and fields of a local Estate for a walk. We had a lovely time and part of the walk was through a short section of woodland. T&M were enthusiastically exploring the undergrowth when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. Unfortunately so did T&M and they were soon in hot pursuit of a small group of deer. Vigorous whistle blowing and calling soon had Tyson back on the lead but Marauder was much more intent. I wandered off the path and along the trail left by the deer and M. After a hundred yards of whistling and calling I saw Marauder heading back delighted with the experience ...

… "That was fucking awesome, those rabbits are fucking massive" was her summation of the interlude. This was not the only encounter with deer and a further pair of roe deer were seen close by in a field of barley as we neared the car. Fortunately I was quicker than the dogs on this occasion and had them back on their leads avoiding potential havoc.

We arrived home a little before six and this left us just enough time to get cleaned up and changed before we headed over to The Oak at Upton Snodsbury for their Lobster Evening. We had seen this event advertised when we lunched there last weekend and a booking had been made at the time. We had a delightful meal and I have to be honest and say it has been quite a while since I have have eaten such good food. Everything was just right. The service was prompt, friendly and informal. They served Hendricks gin with tonic and cucumber, the food was beautiful and arrived promptly and the restaurant was well set out too.

I can see us heading out that way again before too long.

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* Each bike has a pair of leads terminating in a simple jack plug permanently connected to their batteries. This makes  connection to the charger a very simple operation.

PRINTED Another couple of reasons why SMS pisses me off

Christ I had better save this as a draft too!

In the previous entry I mentioned the sale of a metal bed frame via eBay for a paltry twenty quid. To be honest the money is not important and the major plus is that we have managed to remove another unwanted item from The Pile. However, a couple of years ago I advertised this very same bed on Preloved and received a rather attractive offer for it. SMS then mentioned that she wanted it but wasn't quite ready to receive it so I declined the attractive offer and left it in the cellar, waiting for SMS's command.

It will come as no surprise that SMS forgot about this bed frame and bought another one leaving me with a cellar fuller than it should be and with a pocket emptier than it could have been! As I said, it is not about the money but she can be bloody annoying.

eBay is also relevant to the second part of this bitching session. In the past few weeks I have referenced the sale of a few items on eBay and a week or so ago she mentioned that she had a Steam Cleaner that had had little use and wanted to know whether I would sell it for her. I asked her to mail me the model details and I would research previous sales to give her an idea of what price it was likely to reach, if any.

I dutifully performed the analysis and mailed her back with pricing information and a few suggestions about auction options and the associated risks. She replied with a one liner saying "yes, put it on with a 99p starting price and no reserve". That was it, nothing else, just get on with it. I was somewhat flabbergasted at this as it takes some time to draft a decent auction listing and add decent quality photographs to give one a chance of getting a decent sale price and I had none of the information or images to do this.

I politely mentioned this in my second mail and unsurprisingly heard nothing from her. About a week later I rang to catch up on their news and she informed me that she wasn't going to bother selling the steam cleaner at the moment as it was too much bother.

For Fucks Sake! She is such a lazy cow. All I asked her to do was take a few digital photos and fire over a few details in an e-mail. It was going to be Muggins here that was going to do the donkey work of drafting the listing and handling the sale. I really think that she thought I was going to schlep over to Harvington to take photos and notes so that I could sell HER crap.

After all she must be very busy now she is retired and has fuck all to do. And it is not as though she has a computer literate 28 year old at home to help out if needed either.

A fairly lazy day

After breakfast 30% and I both headed in to Redditch by means of separate conveyances. She was off to the Supermarket to collect what basically amounted to booze and nibbles whilst I needed to hit B&Q for a peculiar array of goods including a new lavatory seat, fluorescent light starter units and 16mm cut tacks. I should point out that whilst my shopping list was for the common good, 30% was off for an overnight camping trip at Eastnor Castle with her friend Jules and her shopping was most definitely her version of trail food!

My trip in to Redditch was not wholly successful as I need to replace a short length of Ogee moulding in the Hall and thus far have found nothing remotely like it. To be honest this is not entirely unexpected as the moulding must be getting on for sixty years old but I thought I would try a couple of possible Suppliers while I was in town. I arrived home shortly after eleven to an empty house and got busy with my list of chores.

First task was to replace the lavatory seat in the Jack & Jill bathroom upstairs. This was a simple job and was soon scrubbed from my virtual to do list. 30% arrived home during this lavatory upgrade activity and lauded me like I had just rescued a kitten from burning well or had just discovered a cure for teeth … I obviously hadn't realised how precariously wobbly the previous broken seat had become!

Next on the list was the equally challenging task of inserting two new starter units in to the fluorescent lights in the garage. I then returned to the house to watch 30% pack her picnic and prepare lunch. We were just about to eat when Paul the Plumber rang to see if it was convenient to pop round and introduce a couple of litres of "inhibitor" to the heating system. Lunch was therefore eaten on the hoof while chatting away with PtP. 30% headed off for her camping expedition* soon after lunch and I was home alone.

I needed to be at home around four o'clock to hand over a metal bed frame that had recently been sold via eBay so had an hour or so to fill. The weather was absolutely scorching so there was no way the dogs could be walked so I did what comes naturally and hit the sofa for an hour and watched junk TV. "Ros from Alvechurch" arrived quite punctually and was not at all like her semi-literate emails had augured. I relieved her of two crisp ten pound notes** and lent semi-reluctant*** assistance to her assistant as he loaded it in and on the top of her tiny Suzuki.

After their departure I was free of chronological restraints so I took the Enfield from the garage, donned minimal protective gear and headed back in to Redditch. The reason for this return trip is that, despite having them on my list, I had managed to forget the 16mm cut tacks on my first visit this morning. The ride was a liberating and refreshing escape from the afternoon heat but I found myself hyper-aware of the road surface, other road users and my vulnerability without the protection boots, jacket and gloves would provide.

Back at home I put the Enfield away and installed the dog guard in the car before heading inside. The tacks were needed to secure the cow hide sheath that hides the joint of the pair of Bull Horns I am currently mounting. This took no more than a few minutes and then it was time to walk T&M.

After an hour out around the Three Miler I headed home made a light supper and returned to the sofa for more strenuous inactivity.

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* She was really going to an open air Jules Holland Concert. The overnight camping was an alcohol related by product.
** She had a bloody good deal, it should have gone much higher with that many Watchers
*** See previous note regarding the final bid for this lot.

Getting one in under the radar

Before I start I need to clearly state that I fully understand that what I publish in The Journal is in the public domain. That is why I use aliases and carefully control the content in an attempt to protect my privacy and that of the ones I love. I am sure that with enough detective work my identity could be determined but I am also aware that there is absolutely nothing in here that would make that a worthwhile exercise.

What this comes down to is fundamentally I quite like my privacy and have made a reasonable effort to preserve it. I am not concerned if someone from Telford, Pennsylvania reads this on a daily basis because they chances of a face to face encounter are virtually zero. Ergo my anonymity and privacy is preserved.

I do have another class of reader and those are friends and colleagues. These are very few in number and for some reason I am not overly concerned about them reading my diary. I suppose it is because a friendship status can be easily revised. It can go from  "let's go out for a drink" to "I love you and want to have your babies" but just as easily it can also wither to  "I used to work with him years ago". If I felt that their interest in my diary was getting weird or creepy they could, to use Facebook speak, be "unfriended".

 I am aware that ex-colleagues from Dante's Nine Circles of Hell read this but I doubt that they read it religiously on a daily basis and we rarely talk in person these days which means that I have no concerns about things getting a little strange. Also, there is a reciprocal arrangement in that they too tend to Blog so I can "pop  in and see how things are going" with them.

Now we get to the difficult bit; Family! For some reason SMS is fascinated by this blog and reads it every day.* This really creeps me out! She never talks to me directly about it but when I am talking to her or BMS on the 'phone I will occasionally recount a snippet of news and will get the response "Oh Yes, SMS read that in your blog". More recently she mentioned one of the more sensitive Journal entries to 30% and this caused a minor upset as 30% hadn't read** the entry and wasn't aware of the content.

I know I should not get wound up by this but I find it a very peculiar type of stalking. I am well aware that nothing in here is particularly earth shattering but I find her interest has gone beyond the norm and into an area that is not quite right. As I type this I wonder if she reads her own son's blog as frequently as she reads mine?

It also damages our relationship as I find her regular reading intrusive and I find myself needing to write this down as a way of venting. Furthermore I will set this post to todays date but I will leave it in draft format for a month or more. Only then will I publish it. By that time it will be well down the list of Journal entries, not visible on the main web page, and only accessible by web search or someone specifically interested in reading what I did in July 2014.

What this comes down to is this; this is my diary. I am allowed to be pissed off and I am not going to be deterred from writing about it. If you don't like it fuck off and read some other shit on the internet … or … get a fucking life instead of living mine by fucking proxy.

Having got that off my chest I will now get on with today's fun and games. The working day was busy and I attended the first call with the client on a project that is about to kick off. I took notes and published these to the great and good after the call. About an hour later I received an email from my Boss. A VP had been on the distribution list and had forwarded my meeting notes to my Boss with a single line of text … " I like him already". It is a great first impression but I now have to live up to it.

After work 30% and I headed over to Littleton for a wander around the auction rooms. A couple of weeks back SMS made it clear that she wanted to accompany*** us to a viewing so this evening we met her and BMS at the Auction House. I don't know what had got in to him but BMS was in a pretty foul mood. He was tetchy and scathing erring in to sarcastic and dismissive in almost every comment he made. It may have been the heat but I think it may well have been that he didn't want to go to the viewing but had been cajoled in to it by SMS.

Whatever it was, it was nothing of mine or 30%'s doing so I would just like to say thanks Dad for being such a miserable sod and casting a cloud over the end of our working week. Also being particularly shitty was not going to persuade me to offer to help move a redundant television in to the back of their car when they have my twenty eight year old half brother in the house.

Rant over … for the moment.

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*Statcounter software logs the IP addresses and location information of Journal readers so I can get an accurate idea of who is reading what, when and for how long.
** 30% is not a regular reader. She will occasionally drop in if she wants to show a friend a photograph she knows has been published here but otherwise her view is "it's bad enough living with him".
*** I am somewhat bemused by this. BMS knows exactly where the auction rooms are and they are both old enough not to need to be chaperoned by us. 30% and I are somewhat time and energy poor and this is one of the few relaxing activities we like to do together. We just felt that this was yet another invasion of our privacy.

Do I look like a "people person"?

Thursday saw me heading in to The Depot. It will come as no surprise that I had expenses to submit but TP's car needed a service and MOT so 30% and I had offered to get this sorted while he is sunning himself with his Mother in Northern Italy. Bright and early this sunny morning I was to be seen trundling in to town in a banana yellow Fiat with 30% in hot pursuit in her Audi.

The car was dropped off at a local garage and 30% and I headed in to the Depot … and Oh what fun I had! Today I was joined in my cube by two recent recruits to my team. At this point it is worth stressing that I enjoy the solitude of working from home so imagine my delight at being crammed in to four square metres with a pair of Network Engineers. I am sure they are lovely people if you get to know them and unfortunately for me they were quite keen on getting better acquainted with me. They had assembled at the Depot from far and wide for a curry night with some of their former colleagues* and were keen that I joined them.

Now I have worked with both of them previously and I can say that one of them is fine from a professional perspective and the other is just plain odd. I could go on at length but let's just leave it at overly friendly and incredibly boring at the same time. Obviously I needed to get out of this jam pronto to avoid the alternative universe where I would later be slitting my wrists under the table in a cramped and gloomy Balti House in Moseley. I rapidly invented a late night call with a couple of real colleagues and combined it with the need to collect TP's car.** I was immediately excused and received admiration for my dedication to be working so late in to the evening.

I got on with my day and was head down for most of it. This was a necessity as the subjects of the conversations behind me ranged from speeding points and bans to what type of tyres I bought for my bikes … Kill me now!

30% eventually took a call from the garage and we headed over to pick up TP's car. Unfortunately it had needed a couple of age related maintenance jobs*** which increased the size of the invoice but it now has an MOT and a clean bill of mechanical health.

Our route home also involved a stop at 30%'s Mum and Dad's house where they were to be found sunning themselves in the garden. The purpose of the visit was to collect 30%'s keys after the weekend dog sitting. As we were chatting I noticed feathers littered about the lawn. I suppose it could have been from a kill by one of their cat's but my mind was drawn back to the conversation I had with Tyson yesterday!

We eventually arrived home and were greeted enthusiastically by T&M. It was way too hot for a walk and, if I am honest, I didn't fancy it at the end of a busy day so we enjoyed a leisurely evening. I did make further progress with my latest project and the cow hide I was messing around with on Tuesday is now glued around the centre section of a rather fine pair of Bull horns.

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* One of whom resembles Frankenstein's Monster to a frightening degree including the shambling, foot dragging gait and the physique that suggests multiple body part donors.
** Bullshitting 101: Base your lie on as many truths as possible.
*** Cam Belt and brake fluid replacement

This may not be true ...

While talking to Tyson about being left in the care of a Dog Sitter over the weekend she informed me that she had heard the hens making a dreadful clamour and had found 30%'s Mum squeezing the eggs out of the chickens so she could steal them. I didn't believe this for one minute …

… but then again, the egg rack was suspiciously empty when we returned on Sunday?

Not sure how to sum this crap up?

Today was slightly less busy than recently and I actually found twenty minutes during the day to grab the clippers from the garage and trim T&Ms' faces. 30% has been "commenting"* on their appearance for a couple of weeks so this may well be a Personal Best in this domestic Endurance Event.

I have already mentioned that the day was calmer than the recent norm but late in the afternoon my Boss pinged then rang me … it appears that a new opportunity for another client will kicking off at the end of the month and I have been selected to lead it. This is more new territory for me but I must admit that I am up for the challenge in an "Oh Shit, what have I let myself in for" kind of way.**

The business day came to a close and I headed out for a walk in the glorious sunshine with T&M. On my return I checked my laptop for the final time and noticed a fairly recent ping from my Frolleague Lou in Nevada. She rang to say that she had volunteered to be my RFP Bitch*** and was really looking forward to this deal.

I also seem to have rekindled my enthusiasm for DIY and this evening I pushed forward a project that has been kicking around for ages. Tonight's activities involved the trimming of a piece of cow hide followed by the creation of fold over seams along the two long edges using a leather glue …

… I'll  leave you to guess what I am up to.****

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* Who's a beautiful girl, does your face need clipping?" repeated in the style of chinese water torture whenever I am present. Eventually this dripping tap irritates me to the point where I grab the spanners and a fresh washer. It may also be worth mentioning that she says she prefers them shaggy and unclipped … I'm never going to win here!
** it needs to be remembered that much of what I do is based on the "let's throw spaghetti at the wall" approach … try anything and see what sticks. There is far more to it than that, but every opportunity is different and whilst there may be tried and tested practices you need a creative approach to endure the roller coaster ride that is responding to Outsourcing RFPs.
*** her phrase not mine!
**** CAUTION: Pressing this link will cause you to jump forward in time. Some discomfort may be experienced.

There is no such thing as a free lunch

To be honest there is not a huge amount to report today. It was simply a case of getting my head down and getting on with it. I am now in the second week of the three where I need to cover a colleagues workload and am being asked to get involved in all sorts of activities that he made no mention of in his hand-over. Mind you, I am never quite sure how to take this individual. My opinion swings from monosyllabic with a martini dry sense of humour to evil Danish Bastard. For the past week I have mostly been going with "eDB"!

I did find a surprising e-mail in my in-box this morning … after a quick skim read it appeared that I had been recognised for my contribution to the client and had been invited to a client hosted lunch at a nearby hostelry. I rapidly realised the repercussions of this communication and promptly read the invitee list VERY carefully … Oh Fuck!

It was a matter of moments to realise that, whilst I had been invited, 30%'s name did not appear in the e-mail. She was working from home today so, when she finally put the telephone down, I wandered up somewhat apprehensively…

… My opening statement in this potentially "difficult" subject might have been a little blunt as I went with the simple, but straightforward "Do you know anything about this Recognition Event that I have been invited to at The xxxx in xxxxxxxx". With the benefit of hindsight, perhaps I should have gone with something more tactful and sensitive as I was forced to endure two full minutes of non-stop invective and expletive covering my limited time with the company and my allegedly minimal contribution.*

Fortunately this was mock fury and things soon settled down, or at least they seem to have.

As afternoon turned to evening I got up from the laptop and wandered around the Three Miler with T&M.  I must have been feeling incredibly energetic as I then pushed the porn mower around the lawn and managed a quick snooze before 30% shouted out that dinner was ready.

I knew she had calmed down as a) it wasn't burnt and b) I wasn't wearing it.

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* You have only been here 5 minutes, do sweet fuck all and get invited to a fucking Recognition Lunch and am I invited, Oh No! …. ad nauseam

Weekend Round Up

The plan for this weekend was to meet up with a couple of friends that we haven't seen in a very long time indeed. They are both piano movers and we used to see each other socially on a regular basis but they relocated to deepest Cheshire a few years ago and for a long while contact has been limited to the occasional instant message on the Corporate IM application... Although there was an extraordinary occasion when I was delayed in Newark, New York and discovered that "B" was booked on the same flight and we passed the time together in the Business Lounge.

Saturday started quite early due to another thunder storm followed by some hard core snoring by 30%. I headed down stairs to start the day gently with coffee and, after an hour or so, made a start on putting the house in to some semblance of order … It seemed churlish to leave the house in a complete state of disarray as 30%'s parents would be dog and house sitting.

Most of the morning was spent tidying and preparing to leave apart from a brief interlude when "Bob from Wolverhampton" arrived to collect a couple of items that he had acquired via eBay. As midday approached we were ready to leave and headed off down the road. The first leg of the journey was the matter of a few miles to the Oak at Upton Snodsbury where we stopped for a light lunch. We then plugged B&C's* post code in to the Range Rover's  Sat Nav  unit and let it take over navigation duties.

As we neared Worcester I expected to be directed on to the M5 but the route selected was cross country. 30% and I were gifted with empty roads and fantastic views of rural Worcestershire, Shropshire and Cheshire as we headed towards our destination of Hoole near Chester.

It was a delight to see C&B after such a long time and conversation came easily was we chatted about work and home life. The later afternoon sun was glorious so we decided to take a walk in to Chester to take in a couple of views of the city. Miss Pickle** was put on the lead and we headed down part of the National Cycle Network that lead to our first halt at a canal side pub. We paused for refreshments before heading in to Chester proper and walking a section of the City Walls. This part of the walk gave us views of the Cathedral and Chester's famous Eastgate Clock. We descended from the walls and walked along a short length of the River Dee before partaking of further refreshment at another canal side pub.

We arrive back at C&B's house around seven and decided that a bottle of champagne was a good idea as we needed something to do until our restaurant reservation approached. At about eight thirty we headed down in to Hoole and arrived at an award winning Indian Restaurant selected by C for our evening meal. The food and company was lovely and a great time was had by all. On the walk home a swift one was drank at a reasonably quiet bar before we headed home.

Once back at C&B's the spirits and wine were broken out and I think we eventually retired at around four in the morning.

Sunday apparently dawned but I was not aware of this. I had fallen asleep as soon as my head had hit the pillow and the next thing I knew was 30% calling me to wakefulness at half past ten. I felt amazingly chipper considering the amount of booze consumed over yesterday's twelve hour session and wandered downstairs to see Miss Pickle charging around the kitchen and feet of a rather dishevelled C.

C and I took MissP out for a quick walk whilst B and 30% sorted out some coffee and then we all sat in the scorching morning sun waiting for the caffeine to take effect. Eventually it was time for us to leave as C&B needed to hit the road and head up to Ayrshire for a week's holiday. We threw our stuff in to the car and, again, let it decide on the route home.

Once again the car decided to go cross country and we settled down to take in the views.*** We assumed that we would be taking the same route home but this time the car decided that we needed to check out the delights of rural Staffordshire. A light lunch was taken at a pub called The Bell but don't ask me where the hell it was. All I can say is that we were both starving having been enticed to pull off the main road on two occasions by signs advertising Pubs with restaurants only to find that both of them had closed down!

Lunch was a simple but superb Burger and then it was back in to the car for the final leg home which featured Wolverhampton, the A449, Kingswinford and Stourbridge. We arrived home shortly after three and after an enthusiastic welcome by T&M we both settled down to catch up on some sleep. We woke shortly before six and did little else apart from eat a light supper and vegetate on the sofa until bed time.

We had had a lovely weekend away with some fine company and really must get a reciprocal event arranged soon.

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* "C" wanted to know whether he could pick his own alias for the Journal and was concerned to learn that was not going to happen. He was further dismayed when we broached the touchy subject of his passing resemblance to a young Noel Edmonds and warned that could be the foundation for his moniker in the Journal. "B" was also wary that she might end up being referred to as "Blobby" so I think that the decision to go with simple, sequential initials is evidence of my magnanimity.
** Their lovely but very reserved "rescue" Springer Spaniel
*** The car is more comfortable than the average living room sofa, has acres of glass giving fantastic views and the automatic gear box makes it the most stress free drive I have ever encountered.

C'est Le Weekend!

I dragged the Honda from her lair this morning and headed in to the Depot in Redditch. My purported reason for a trip in to the office was that I needed to submit an expense form but actually I just fancied a ride on my bike and the weather forecast was excellent.

The morning was incredibly busy and included my mid year review discussion with my manager. That went swimmingly and whilst I may still have huge gaps in my knowledge he is delighted with my progress, integration and the general skills I acquired in my years at The Nine Circles of Hell.

By midday things had calmed somewhat and I wandered over the road to get a haircut. Unfortunately the local Auto bank was out of action and the Barber is so traditional that only cash is accepted. I wandered back to the office and grabbed my helmet and keys from my desk, taking one look at my jacket and the hot sun outside before deciding "nah!".

I am normally safety conscious when it comes to motorcycle apparel but it was a delight to head off down the road wearing a helmet, T-shirt and jeans and enjoy the cooling breeze. With my cash reserves replenished I headed back to the barber and was shorn. I then headed back in to work for a somewhat quieter afternoon that mostly involved hosting calls and some investigative work on how to determine Adjusted Peak Performance on some server environments.

Five o'clock soon arrived and shortly after I left a very empty office and headed home. The evening was a fairly normal Friday evening featuring wine, supper on the sofa and the huge sense of relief that the next two days are free of the demands of work. We also spent and hour or so with 30%'s Mum and Dad as they will be House and Dog Sitting tomorrow and Sunday as we are off to see friends in the wilds of Chester.

Not in the mood

Yep, that just about sums up today. I just wasn't in the right frame of mind for anything. Now, don't get me wrong. I had a busy and productive day with a number of projects nudged forward but all with a significant lack of grace on my part. I don't know whether it was the weather or a reluctance to sort out a colleague's problems but throughout the day I wanted to be anywhere but sat at the desk working.

The day ended with a wander around the Three Miler and I can report that the weather was incredibly warm. Both T&M were panting like the little engine that could as we walked the final mile back in to the Village and home. The walk and the end of the working day produced a somewhat sunnier disposition and 30% and I had a pleasant evening in front of the TV before retiring to bed.

Normally a Journal entry would end just about now but tonight there was an incredible storm and we were woken by T&M barking at the thunder. They then decided that they needed to be as close to 30% and me as possible and leapt up on to the bed, huddling close beside us. 30% reported that the lightening flashes were incredible but I must admit that I kept my eyes closed, threw an arm across the nearest dog and fell back to sleep.

It has been a busy week.

I don't remember reading this in the job spec

As mentioned yesterday I am charging through this week at an incredible rate of knots on account of having my own workload plus that of a slacker colleague who is taking a three week holiday.

Today I needed to make some updates in a rather complicated workflow tool. I was somewhat apprehensive as I had only attended three disjointed hand over sessions, none of which had given me a great sense of confidence. So, as soon as I had cleared the crop of overnight email, I girded my loins, located the relevant notes and made a start in this tool. The first set of changes went well and I was quietly confident of success. The final change didn't look quite right and I wondered if I should have taken an alternative approach.* I saved my work and then went to the screen where I should initiate the next step in the in the process and was presented with a single button … The button I was told never to press!

Hmmm! After a few minutes of cursing my colleague, re-evalauation of the training he had given me plus wondering what the hell a Technical Solution Manager was doing plugging configuration changes in to a workflow management tool I aborted this activity and searched his notes for salvation. I found it in the form of a young lady in Atlanta who was more than happy to take part in a screen sharing session and walk me through the changes.

On a positive note, I had correctly determined how the config changes should be entered and the reason for my encounter with The Button That Shall NEVER Be Pressed was due to a record ownership issue rather than my mistake. I now hate the tool more than I did yesterday but am slightly less afraid of it.

The end of the working day soon came around and I headed out around the Three Miler before the forecast evening showers.

This evening saw the end of the last of the current crop of eBay auctions and  in a flurry of last minute bidding the closing price more than doubled on a set of Land Rover wheel rims and tyres. I will not be able to retire on my eBay earnings but I have got rid of some bulky items from the garage and cellar and now have a two hundred and fifty quid credit in my PayPal account.

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* As someone who worked in workflow management and application design more than twenty years ago it says volumes about this tool when the User can consider an alternative approach. This indicates that the Business rules, validation, error and warning messages are not accurately represented …

… or, to put it another way; it is shite!

Keeping Busy

If this week carries on at this rate I am going to be reaching Friday in no time at all.

It is fair to say that managing my own workload and that of a colleague is certainly keeping me busy and five o'clock soon chimed, signalling the end of a full day. It wasn't non-stop and I did find time to step away from the laptop during the day to provide some assistance to Paul the Plumber.

PtP had finally found time in his busy schedule to hang and connect the new radiator in the Hall. So, from time to time, I was required to locate certain items, assess the positioning of the rad and assist with the refilling of the system. He finished shortly after mid day and this is the penultimate job that needs to be performed on The Pile's heating system. Over the past few years he has either temporarily removed or replaced the rads as we have refurbished the rooms in the older part of the house. This has meant that the system has been flushed numerous times and his final job will be to return in a few weeks and add an inhibiting compound to the system to prevent corrosion or blockages. Mind you, there is more to plumbing than heating systems and last year's leaking pipes demonstrated the ability of an old house to spring surprises on you ... and the convenience of having a friend in the trade.

With the working day over I headed out around the Three Miler and returned to slouch before eating dinner on the sofa with 30%.

TP is now, presumably, safely arrived in Italy with his Mum and family although early this morning I did get a call from school to ask where he was. This worried me as I had been reassured that his Mother had sought permission to take him out of school for the last week of term. I pointed out that he was swanning around Northern Italy with his Mother and the school secretary seemed quite unconcerned about this, suggesting that there had been a communications cock up somewhere in the school!

I bloody hope so as I do not plan to get dragged in to the repercussions of an unauthorised school absence.

Lulled in to a false sense of security

It all sounded so easy when I participated in a series of hand-over sessions over the last couple of weeks. These gave me the impression that everything in the garden was wonderful, nothing really would happen and that I just had a few simple actions to complete over the next three weeks.

Well that was complete fucking bollocks wasn't it!

I must have developed an incredible reputation during my first nine months as a Piano Mover because contacts, unknown to me, seem to think that I have super powers that encompass mind reading and the ability to travel back in time to attend meetings that occurred bloody weeks ago.

Basically they have received an out of office message from my colleague and have then simply added me to the email distribution lists. At no point have they thought "What do I need to do to bring this chap up to speed?" or even "How can I summarise this so that my requirements are clear and concise?". They have simply carried on ping ponging mails to one another leaving me to sift through the scant facts and attempt to work out what they wanted.

I tried sending them a mail asking for a clear problem statement and a summary of their requirements …

… they just ignored that and carried on with their email exchanges.

That is a bloody strange way of getting someone to provide assistance; by ignoring their requests for clarification. In the end I decided to set up a call to see whether they made any more sense in person. I doubt it but they are either going to play the game my way or I am going to take the ball home.

Just a thought

If you were a werewolf and were really, really fat … I mean super, morbidly, unable to get off the bed, obese … what would happen when the moon was full?

You are hardly going to instil terror and leave a trail of dismembered corpses if all you can do is growl, howl and roll around on your reinforced bed until the sun comes up.

One of the more tricky items on the "to do" list

I didn't have anything planned for today so Sunday was started at a leisurely pace. A short way in to the morning the 'phone rang and I headed off through the lanes to collect TP and tent from a overnighter hosted by a friend to celebrate the end of their school days. On the way back I offered him the command of the Range Rover and he leapt at the chance, describing it as massive but really easy to drive.

Back at The Pile I finally settled on something to do and headed out to the garage. It has been some while since I partially dismantled the Ducati* and I was getting concerned that she would get forgotten in my never ending list of projects. This morning I had decided that I would finally strip out and replace the holder for the rev counter and temperature gauge. The Haynes Manual gave this a three spanner difficulty rating which suggested that it should be within the capabilities of a competent home mechanic … Well, that's me fucked then!

After an hour the headlights were dangling, only supported by their power cables, as was the horn and the majority of the instrument cluster nuts had been removed. Only one bolt remained and there was no way I could undo it without a 10" extension bar for my 3/8 Socket Set …

… twenty minutes later I had drunk a cup of coffee and was being chauffeured in to Halfords by TP. A shiny extension bar was soon located and we headed back home in time for lunch. After eating I returned to the garage and removed the previously inaccessible nut. Then came the tricky job of disconnecting the instruments and swapping them from one cluster to another … An hour later the cluster was back on the bike and I was reconnecting the battery. I checked the lights and all were found to be working so I pressed the choke button and thumbed the starter. She fired up on the second push of the button and ran for the first time in ten months.

Unfortunately it was then time to put the tools away as the dogs needed a walk but this significant progress has restored my motivation and encouraged me to get her cleaned, reassembled and back on the road before the Summer turns to Autumn.

After walking the dogs TP drove me over to see SMS as it was her Birthday today. As we arrived I had a rare encounter with my elder sister and we exchanged polite "hellos" as she gathered up her husband and foster daughter and headed off home. We had a short but pleasant time with BMS and SMS and handed over gifts and caught up on our news before an impending Sunday Dinner forced us to leave.

Sunday evening progressed and two more eBay auctions ended. Late in the evening I had a pleasant conversation with Pete from Oldham who will be making use of his free train pass to come and collect a set of "Brand New Royal Enfield Crash Bars" in the next couple of days.

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* During the missing months I removed the fairing from the Ducati and had the scuffs in the paintwork rectified at a vehicle body shop over at Bidford on Avon. While she was naked I also set about replacing a few components that had been damaged over time. One of these was the instrument surround that had been gnawed by mice during the many years she had been off the road.

A fairly standard Saturday

After a wander down to the local Post Office to dispatch the first of my eBay sales, 30% and I headed off to the auction rooms in Littleton.  We stopped by the entrance to the site to stroke a Piebald Mare and her foal in the paddock and got chatting to an auction goer. Apparently the Auctioneers were linking up with an internet auction site today and had suffered delays. The sale had only just started and we would have to watch the best part of one hundred and sixty lots go through.

We wandered in to the Sale room. It was rammed with buyers and very warm. Within a few minutes we could see that the internet link up had really slowed down the rate at which the lots were being sold and had really pushed up the prices. It was most definitely a day to sell rather than a day to buy. After a couple of hours it was time for the pendulum wall clock and 30% started to bid. We went somewhat above our agreed limit and decided enough was enough as the bidding continued. It was lovely but there was no way we wanted spend that sort of money.

We left the auction slightly disappointed and headed in to Stratford to collect my new jacket,* followed by a fascinating hour in the supermarket, as the kitchen needed restocking after TP and my predations  over the past week.

It was close to two o'clock by the time we made it back to The Pile and my stomach thought my throat had been cut. A late lunch was taken and then I dragged the porn mower from the garage and tidied up the lawn. My intention had then been to take a ride out on one of the bikes, but a quick peek at my e-mail indicated that an eBay lot winner would be collecting their item in a short while. I was therefore forced to potter in the garage for an hour or so; sorting out items for the charity shop and sneaking** other items in to the bin or the pile for the Tip.

Wandering off at something of a tangent, I can also report that Tyson is overjoyed by England's piss poor performance in the World Cup. Their early departure has resulted in a glut of reduced price, England branded, football ephemera and here she is with her latest acquisition ...

That stitching will hold up about as well 

as the England Defence

As dinner time drew near I ran TP over to  a friend's party in a nearby village and returned home for a steak dinner and a glass of a rather fine Chianti followed by a couple of films on TV

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* a linen shirt caught my eye while I was there and found its way in to my bag too.
** 30% has a great reluctance to dispose of redundant items. We joke that she channels the spirit of her Grandmother who lived through the war and was therefore of the make do and mend generation. I, on the other hand, do not like clutter and am the nemesis of obsolete crap.