Par for the course

This one is going to be brief …

… Our Prospective client suffered IT failures today which, yet again, prevented them issuing the RFP documentation. We may get it at some point over the weekend* or early next week. They have finally agreed that they should, perhaps, extend the period we will have to develop a solution and proposal. They just haven't yet said by how much!

The net result of this is that I will need to keep an eye on my in-box over the weekend but that is no real hardship compared to the alternative which was to be reviewing several pages of RFP documentation. I also finally managed to get two key resources assigned to my team. As resource request processes go this one was a complete clusterfuck and I am guessing that there may need to be some discussions amongst management to put this right.

I won't go in to full details of the mess I had to wade through but it did involve a discussion which can be summarised as "Yes that was the process but we changed it and didn't put out an advisory notification. Neither can I hep you with the fact that you don't have access to the new system nor can I help you with the fact that the system interface appears to be faulty".

Needless to say I went with an Executive escalation instead … That worked just fine!

Apart from a brief interlude in the afternoon to have my retinas photographed at the local Doctor's surgery this pretty much summarises the key events for Friday.

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* Experience suggests that a weekend release will be announced by the release of flocks of flying pigs** from numerous locations across the UK.
** Think racing pigeons but with much bigger baskets

A free lunch & a clean car

Today saw me shaved and dressed tidily and it might come as a surprise that I did NOT need to submit expense forms at the Depot! The reason for today's trip to the office was that I had been invited to a Recognition Event…

… A few weeks ago I had received an e-mail inviting me to this function. I really hadn't a clue what the event involved or what I had done to receive the plaudit but, when 30% had calmed down sufficiently, I had learnt that this was a "good thing" and  "that I had better hurry up and get a promotion so that she could retire and spend her days pottering around the house".

Before leaving for the Office, poor TP was dragged from his pit and left with a hastily prepared specification and a pile of used twenty pound notes … I had arranged for the car to be valeted today and had totally forgotten that I wouldn't be at home. Therefore TP was to be in charge. The used notes were obviously the payment and the list covered the items I wanted addressed by the Valeter.*

With TP taking point, 30% and I headed in for a fun filled day at the office. My morning was spent clearing the decks and behaving myself as two senior members of the customer team were sat a few feet away from me.  Apparently the plan for today was that there was to be a "town hall" meeting presented by our customer and then a celebratory lunch at a nearby restaurant featuring presentations and handshakes for the recognised members of the team.

It was all pretty standard corporate nonsense and it was apparent that, although the customer was congratulating individuals for piano moving feats it was based on nominations** made by Neat & Tidy management. My view may seem a little jaded and cynical but, I do realise that my manager obviously appreciates what I am doing and that definitely is not a bad thing.

I tucked in to a free steak lunch and spent more than three hours on a customer sanctioned session shooting the breeze with some of my more personable colleagues. I received a certificate detailing my commendation and a customer branded torch and screwdriver set. As Thursdays go this one was pretty good and I have acquired another gleaming nugget for insertion in to my end of year results.

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* I live in a Universe where I speak the words "it needs a full valet" and the car salesman actually hears "no, it looks fabulous, it doesn't need a good wash and polish". Although the Range Rover is in beautiful condition it was carrying a few grubby marks when we bought it and obviously only had  a quick wipe over with a chammy rather than a proper clean. It was disappointing that the Dealer hadn't presented it to us gleaming.
** I was nominated for going above and beyond in the development and delivery of two proposals that we recently submitted to the customer.*** I thought I was just doing my job.
*** We didn't win either of them!

Now I need a really good storm

Wednesday was another busy, but not particularly noteworthy, day. A combination of conference calls and requests for resources filled the working day. A brief interlude was taken in the early afternoon to receive the Bricklayer who had agreed to come and point the brickwork above the Hall window. He was a nice enough chap and he did a decent job but I must admit I didn't like the price he charged for the work.

It was steep for a couple of hours labour and even if I allow for travelling time and materials it was still fucking expensive. I am aware that tradesmen will inflate a price if they don't really fancy a job and I am wondering if that happened here. I am also aware that he hasn't got a lot of work coming in at the moment and he suddenly got greedy at the sound of the magic word cash. Whatever led to the high charge he will not be on the list of brickies we ask for quotes for the next couple of major jobs are thinking of having done.

After work it was time for a quick circuit of the Three Miler and I then headed over to BMS's house to hand over a slightly belated Birthday Card.* There was only time for a quick chat as his dinner was almost ready so I was soon back in the car and heading home to The Pile.

That just about sums up the middle of the week. Hopefully my water ingress problem is now resolved I wish I could say the same about locating an Operational Architect.

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 *It was only 24 hours late and I had called to wish him Happy Birthday on the day.

Picture Post

Today was a long day mostly consumed by work. On the plus side; my Danish colleague is now back from his holidays and I was able to hand back his projects. On the slightly less positive side; I am still hitting my head against a brick wall when it comes to resourcing the latest opportunity. The working day ended with a further plea for bodies and I headed out around the Three Miler arriving back, tired, literally minutes before dinner was served.

There is no way I can make any of that particularly interesting so I trawled my photo archives and found this splash of colour to brighten up today's entry.

This was taken at a roadside stall in Sri Lanka as we drove up towards Kandy. Occasionally our driver; Ajith would stop at these stalls and present us with a tasty treat; refreshing King Coconuts at one halt, a prepared mango at another. At this stop we were presented with small, sweet red bananas that were a delightful snack.

Shooting the Breeze

The big news from the eight plus hours I spent moving pianos was that the RFP will not be issued until Friday 8th August. This is a delay of one week but the Client has already advised that there will be no corresponding extension to the Proposal delivery date … Ouch! We will have just over four weeks to review the document, ask clarifying questions and develop, document, cost and price our solution. Did I say Ouch?

I also found out that my presence will be required in the Capital next week, provided I can get my travel request approved … It is peak season on London's streets and a cheap hotel just aint gonna happen!

Away from work there isn't a huge amount to report. T&M were walked. TP disappeared in his banana yellow Fiat advising that he would be back tomorrow! I also cut a small fillet of timber to fill the gap above the moulding I repaired yesterday. It was not a huge leap forward in the restoration of The Hall, more of a tilt in the right direction.

Having summarised the day's events I thought I would fill a little more space recounting a conversation I had on Saturday down in the Village …

… I had been walking the dogs and as I was heading home I passed VI's son's cottage. VI Junior was tending a rather beautiful succulent in the raised bed at the front of his cottage. I paused and we started to chat. It was no surprise that the subject of Politics soon came up as VI Junior has a Doctorate in the subject and lectures at one of the West Midlands Universities.

The gossipy conversation started with some of the frightening deficiencies in some of the local and national politicians including VI Junior's direct experience of ingrained prejudice and taking public office to further and individual's personal agenda. Having dealt with the gamut of politicians from inept through to corrupt we then moved on to the electorate…

… We both took on a resigned air  as we agreed that if the politicians were bad enough the electorate was even worse. The main thrust of the debate being centred around voting decisions being made based on fatuous information such as whether a certain politician does or doesn't look like a well known plasticine animated character. It was at this point that I suggested that perhaps a benevolent dictatorship was the best way forward and was surprised when my ardent Tory friend agreed, citing the recently appointed head of the EU who had stated that "We all know what to do, we just don't know how to get re-elected after we've done it"

At this point I came up with a ridiculous thought / stroke of genius. I proposed that every ballot paper should include ten compulsory multiple choice questions.* Basically every vote would count but a voter's multiple choice score would determine just how much of their vote would count. If you got a perfect ten you would get a full vote. If you crashed and burnt only ten percent of your vote would count. After the laughter had died down he said he was seriously considering putting this forward at the next brainstorming session he attended.

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* These would need to similar to those used in Examination systems which are automatically marked by a computer. The added benefit of this is that it would remove the need for ballot recounts as the votes could be automatically counted too.

Guests for lunch

30% had invited her brother and the Elf over for lunch so Sunday started with a walk around the Three Miler in an attempt to take the edge off T&M's enthusiasm. The remainder of Sunday morning was spent on light domestic duties of the type that made the house look tidier that it really was.

Our guests arrived around noon and we spent a pleasant few hours catching up on each others' news and working our way through lunch and afternoon tea with cakes. S&E left at around four in the afternoon and I needed to do something in order to broaden my day's achievements beyond that  of Entertainment ...

… I removed the composite moulding from the cradle and could see that the adhesive had bonded perfectly. A mitre cut was made at each end and it was carefully tacked in to place.* A glob of wood filler was applied to cover the nail holes and I stood back to admire the work.

I still have a few gaps to deal with and it all needs sanding prior to painting but this is the last major woodwork task that needed to be completed before the Great Sanding Session is scheduled.

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* Having spent hours constructing the moulding, the last thing I wanted was for a careless hammer blow to damage the piece.

A change of plan

Last Saturday I failed in attempt to buy a length of Ogee moulding at a couple of Suppliers in Redditch.  The moulding in question trims the meter cupboard in The Hall and, at some point in the past, a short section has been badly damaged during electrical work. I was in a position where I needed to repair an 18" length as the alternative was the removal and replacement of eight yards of moulding with new stock.

Today's plan was to try my luck at a Specialist Timber Merchant over near Wythall. The realist in me knew they would have nothing like it in stock but I hoped that they might have a cutter and be able to reproduce a short length. The more I thought about this the more I realised that this was going to involve a lot of faffing around with absolutely no guarantee of success.

I took a long look at the short section of moulding that needed to be replaced and wondered if I could make a composite that was similar. It wouldn't need to be exact as the damaged section is up at ceiling level. It just needed to be near enough in size and shape such that I could cut a 16" length and trim the top of the cupboard. The first step in this process was to get a clear view of the moulding profile so a clean ninety degree cut was made.

Ogee Moulding, circa 1950?

 I could see that I would need to make up the composite moulding from three sub-components and wandered out to the garage to find some decent, knot free, softwood stock. My pile of scrap soon produced a few lengths of pine and, once cut to length, I set to with the table saw to cut them to the correct width. It was then a case of many happy hours with a router, planer, chisel and sand paper to produce the three sub-component mouldings.

Composite Moulding Elements

 I was quite chuffed with my efforts and, when lined up with the original, I can see that they will blend in beautifully once they are fixed in place and painted.

Ready to be glued up

The final job was to make a cradle to hold the sub-components securely whilst the adhesive was drying. The cradle was a simple platform with a right angled stop along the long edge. I lined it with polythene to prevent the moulding from adhering to the cradle and then hunted down the PVA wood glue. Each component was given a good coat of glue and pushed up tight against the cradle stop edge. I used three pins to hold the components tight and then left it to dry for the next 24 hours.

All being well I can mitre it and fix it in place tomorrow evening.

Other stuff

During the day a Builder friend of Paul the Plumber called round to take a look at the brickwork around the Hall Window that leaked in a downpour earlier in the week. He couldn't see anything that could be identified as the point of water ingress but agreed that there are a couple of areas where re-pointing might help. He also recommended that the clematis is permanently removed as the foliage directs the rain on to the brickwork … He is popping round on Wednesday afternoon to do the pointing.

I also found myself working with some mortar too, as the face of one of the bricks in the Inglenook had crumbled over time. I had stabilised the brick with a PVA solution a couple of weeks ago and today I mixed up a small batch of mortar and applied a coat of render to rebuild the face of the brick. A coat of paint will eventually disguise the repair and, as they say, a blind man on a galloping horse would be glad to see it.

I had hoped it would turn out this way ...

I wasn't looking forward to Friday if I am honest. If the RFP documentation landed in my lap today I knew that I would spend all weekend worrying about it and the best options to push it forward. I had also been asked to schedule a two hour long  page turn review call for the afternoon … that was not going to be fun either with no idea of what the documentation package would contain and whom would be interested in what.

Fortunately none of this came to bear as shortly after two o'clock the Sales Lead forwarded an e-mail from the client advising that the RFP would be delayed until the following week … phew, I get a work free weekend!

Away from work I also managed to contact a builder and arrange for him to come over tomorrow to look at my water ingress issue. This necessitated removal of a considerable quantity of clematis from the wall and this task was admirably completed by TP, his GF and 30% just before the heavens opened again.

The rain put paid to my planned walk with T&M so I mooched around the house and drank a large G&T until TP and his GF headed over to the local Chinese takeaway to collect Friday evening's supper ... It is great having a young and enthusiastic driver in the house and his errand potential is already greatly enhanced. So far he has admirably resolved a milk crisis and now has made dinner for four a simple matter of a quick 'phone call and then a quick shout for him to scramble and hit the road.*

The weekend beckons and thoughts of piano moving wane as Friday evening arrives and our slightly extended family sit down for dinner.

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* We have notice that he is somewhat directionally challenged so, at the moment, we do need to check that a) he knows where he is going and b) has a 'phone. As evidence of this I offer the fact that three weeks ago I accompanied him to the Chinese and he turned on to the main road and headed in completely the wrong direction!

Waiting, a Leak and a Homecoming

Today was the day that the RFP documentation was due to be released by the new client. It came as no surprise to me that, at close of business, my in-box had not been troubled by it's presence. These Tender Documents are regularly delayed and part of me actually hopes that it doesn't arrive until next week as I know that if it arrives tomorrow I will spend the weekend reviewing it.

The rest of my working day was uneventful and, as I said yesterday, this is the calm before the storm. Talking of storms; the hot spell of weather broke today and torrential rain fell this afternoon … Unfortunately not all of it remained outside the house! At the sound of the storm I got up from my desk and did a tour of the house closing doors and windows. As I returned to the Hall I looked at the window and saw water running in at the top of the frame. A towel was quickly positioned to soak up the drips and puddle and it now looks like I will need to get a man in to check the pointing and the seal between the window frame frame and lintel. This is definitely a Fuck it moment but, looking on the bright side, at least the room has not yet been decorated...

… It looks like the weekend will feature a spot of Clematis removal so we can get a look at the Brickwork followed by a series of calls to Builders who want a small job.

Moving on to other news; after more than a fortnight away TP finally returned from his holiday in Italy with his Mum's family. It sounds like he had a great time but it also sounds like two weeks of his Mum's company also 'did his head in" … 30% and I are, indeed, his least worst parental option.  Today was another significant first for TP as earlier today we had got his car insurance revised* so he was able to drive solo for the first time  this evening when he went over to Norton to collect his girlfriend.

That just about summarises the main events of today and I must admit I am somewhat vexed by the leak as it could be a challenge to identify the point of ingress and also find a man willing to fix it.

Two steps forward, one step backward … perhaps?

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* To take account of him passing his test.

The Cold Caller

All being well I am now one day off receiving the RFP from the potential new client and then all Hell is likely to break loose. I am not getting too excited yet as it is not unknown for the release of RFPs to be delayed so it would not come as a surprise to not see it until after the weekend.

There is not a huge amount to report on today's activities. After all it is the middle of the working week and after work, walking the dogs and a few other domestic activities I don't really have either energy or inclination to do much else with myself. At the moment I seem to be doing most of my living at the weekend.

In order to fill a little more white space I will recount a ridiculous call I took on Tuesday from British Gas. I won't give a verbatim narrative but it started along the lines of Hello Mr bad man, I notice from our records that you used to be a British Gas Customer …". Basically it was a cold call using old customer data in an attempt to persuade me to return to them as my domestic energy supplier.  I had a few minutes free so didn't go with my normal practice of just putting the 'phone down and walking away; letting the caller talk to thin air. However, the first question didn't sit well with me. British Gas wanted to know who I currently used as my energy supplier and were somewhat surprised when I told them that it was none of their business. The call irritated me further when the Call Centre employee tried to persuade me to release this information by telling me that he was quite prepared to tell me who he bought his energy from. I pointedly replied that that fact was of no interest to me and didn't change the fact that my energy supplier was my business not his.

I let him make a start on his script before I reined him in and pointed out that it was obvious that this was an attempt to persuade me to return to British Gas as my energy provider. For some strange reason he didn't really want to confirm this as the reason for the call and attempted to waffle about wanting to understand my energy requirements and the choices available. I thought I was being helpful when I advised that what drove my selection of Energy Provider was the tariff and if he wanted me to revert to British Gas he simply needed to send me a leaflet that clearly showed that BG's prices were significantly lower than the other UK suppliers. The caller advised that he could only issue electronic communications so I rattled off my email address at a fair rate of knots. The caller didn't ask me to repeat the email address or repeat it back to me for confirmatory purposes so I was fairly confident that my in-box was not going to receive a non-existent tariff comparison email.

The chap from the Call Centre didn't seem convinced that price was the only factor in me deciding my provider so I pointed out that it was the only variable factor. After all, the electricity and gas will come from the same production plants via the same distribution networks irrespective of which Supplier I choose. I did ask whether he was going to try to tell me that British Gas was going to sell me a different type of electricity and at least he had the decency to acknowledge that they were not.

The caller then tried a new tack advising that he wanted to run through a series of Ofgen* approved questions with me. I said that was fair enough but pointed out that a) I only had 5 minutes before my next conference all and b) had a short attention span and low boredom threshold. The first few questions from the Ofgen List were house type, size and age. He then went on to ask how much I spent on energy every year and seemed somewhat surprised when I told him that was none of his business either. His alternative approach was to ask about my energy usage. I pointed out that if he was from British Gas they would have my customer records spinning on a hard disk somewhere at one of their data centres. I added that 2010 was a rather chilly Winter so that should be taken in to account when determining my annual usage. The caller advised that he did not have access to that data and seemed surprised when I advised that that was his problem not mine and that I had neither the time nor the inclination to do his job for him.

The final straw came when he asked when I used electricity. I pointed out that this was a bizarre question as the natural answer was "all the time". After all I have a refrigerator and freezers and they tend to work best when switched on 24 x 7. By this time my patience had long since dissipated and my conference call was only minutes away. I referred the chap back to the point I had made earlier about my short attention span and hung up on him.

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* For readers** not familiar with British Administrivia Ofgen is the UK Energy Regulatory Authority.
** This is probably most relevant to the reader in Telford, Pennsylvania. You visit nearly every day but never say "Hello".

The calm before the storm?

Tuesday was much more to my liking from a work perspective. I was "holed up" in the study at home and things weren't too frenetic. That is not to say that here weren't the usual cock-ups and mismanagement to deal with but it all came in reasonable quantities and support appears to be on hand when name dropping isn't getting any results.

I also managed to cross another item off my To Do List today when I finally paired the Bull Horns with their Mounting Plaque and screwed them to the wall. They may not be to everyone's taste but I love them.

42" from tip to tip.
Probably more than 50" when still attached to the skull

These were part of a scruffy lot at Littleton Auction and have sat in the garage for the best part of twelve months. Their "upcycling"involved the fabrication of a new cow hide sleeve to cover the join between the two horns, manufacture of a mounting plaque and then joining the two together.

Apart from that there isn't much else to report for today. 30% received an e-mail from TP advising that he has summitted the Leaning Tower of Pisa and will be back at home on Thursday. I must admit it has been strange not having him around for the past couple of weeks.

A gentle start to the working week

This morning saw 30% and I were up and active at a fairly early hour. Shortly after eight o'clock the dogs were put in the back of the car and we headed off to The Depot, taking a minor diversion to drop T&M off at the dog grooming salon.

The working day was uneventful and could be summarised as a reasonably gentle start to the week. The Office was very quiet now that the Summer Holiday period has started and only one of my team mates was in work today. Unfortunately he is somewhat lacking in personality so, after a few work related pleasantries, I was left to keep myself amused for most of the day.

We picked up T&M on our way home from work and they have undergone an incredible transformation after yesterday's rampage through fields, undergrowth and streams left them looking like Swamp Dogs. They are now definitely more "show ring" than "field dog"but it won't be long before they become scruffy again.

The evening was as uneventful as the day. I progressed my Bull Horn project slightly further,  applying the final coat of Danish Oil to the oak plaque and inserting two screw eyes in to the horns. I now need to fix a slotted mirror plate to the back of the plaque before I mount the horns and declare the job a success/failure.*

I also had a few minutes of fun with a can of Expanding foam filling a couple of cavities at the foot of the door frame between the Hall and the Kitchen. Once this has set it will be sanded back and covered with wood filler to deal with a gap between the frame and floor.

… and that was it. Monday was just about done. 30%'s lamb cutlets on a bed of roasted vegetables deserves a mention as it was very good and this plaudit ends my account for today.

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* Delete where applicable

Awesome!

I started Sunday at a gentle pace. The first of the day's activities was to head over to the local feed store and pick up a few bags of layers pellets and a bale of shavings for the chickens. I was soon back and was unloading them into the garage when 30% arrived home from her open air performance at Eastnor Castle. I caught up with her news and then headed back out to the garage …

… When I put the Enfield back in the garage yesterday afternoon I connected up the battery charger but the indicator lights showed that no charge was being delivered. I tried to power it off and reconnect it a couple of times but that had not rectified the issue so this morning I planned an investigation. The simplest approach was to connect the charger to another of my bikes*. I tried the Honda and was instantly awarded with the correct sequence of indicator lights. The problem was obviously inside the battery compartment of the Bullet.

It was a few moments work to remove the cover to the battery and I could then see that one of the ring connectors on the charger harness had self destructed and had detached itself from the battery terminal. Connection of the charger yesterday evening had obviously been the final straw and the slight wiggling of the cable had been enough to fracture the ring connector, separating it from the wire.

I put the battery cover back on the Enfield and rode her in to Redditch to pick up some 15 amp cable and connectors. Back at home it was time for lunch before I headed back out to the garage where I could be found crouched over a soldering iron; tinning bare wires, joining them and restoring this simple loom to working order. Twenty minutes later the Bullet was back in once piece, connected to her life support system and snug under her dust cover. A few moment more were required to put away the tools and I was then ready for my next project.

The next couple of hours were spent fabricating an oak plaque as a mount for the pair of Bull Horns I have been restoring. A short length of oak floor board was located and cut to size. A detail was routed around the edge and I then spent a good while sanding it before dusting it off and tidying up. Once the dust had settled and the tools had been put away I applied a coat of Danish Oil and then headed back in to the house.

The weather today was glorious, but nowhere near as hot as yesterday, so 30% and I decided to put T&M in the back of the car and head over to the woods and fields of a local Estate for a walk. We had a lovely time and part of the walk was through a short section of woodland. T&M were enthusiastically exploring the undergrowth when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. Unfortunately so did T&M and they were soon in hot pursuit of a small group of deer. Vigorous whistle blowing and calling soon had Tyson back on the lead but Marauder was much more intent. I wandered off the path and along the trail left by the deer and M. After a hundred yards of whistling and calling I saw Marauder heading back delighted with the experience ...

… "That was fucking awesome, those rabbits are fucking massive" was her summation of the interlude. This was not the only encounter with deer and a further pair of roe deer were seen close by in a field of barley as we neared the car. Fortunately I was quicker than the dogs on this occasion and had them back on their leads avoiding potential havoc.

We arrived home a little before six and this left us just enough time to get cleaned up and changed before we headed over to The Oak at Upton Snodsbury for their Lobster Evening. We had seen this event advertised when we lunched there last weekend and a booking had been made at the time. We had a delightful meal and I have to be honest and say it has been quite a while since I have have eaten such good food. Everything was just right. The service was prompt, friendly and informal. They served Hendricks gin with tonic and cucumber, the food was beautiful and arrived promptly and the restaurant was well set out too.

I can see us heading out that way again before too long.

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* Each bike has a pair of leads terminating in a simple jack plug permanently connected to their batteries. This makes  connection to the charger a very simple operation.

PRINTED Another couple of reasons why SMS pisses me off

Christ I had better save this as a draft too!

In the previous entry I mentioned the sale of a metal bed frame via eBay for a paltry twenty quid. To be honest the money is not important and the major plus is that we have managed to remove another unwanted item from The Pile. However, a couple of years ago I advertised this very same bed on Preloved and received a rather attractive offer for it. SMS then mentioned that she wanted it but wasn't quite ready to receive it so I declined the attractive offer and left it in the cellar, waiting for SMS's command.

It will come as no surprise that SMS forgot about this bed frame and bought another one leaving me with a cellar fuller than it should be and with a pocket emptier than it could have been! As I said, it is not about the money but she can be bloody annoying.

eBay is also relevant to the second part of this bitching session. In the past few weeks I have referenced the sale of a few items on eBay and a week or so ago she mentioned that she had a Steam Cleaner that had had little use and wanted to know whether I would sell it for her. I asked her to mail me the model details and I would research previous sales to give her an idea of what price it was likely to reach, if any.

I dutifully performed the analysis and mailed her back with pricing information and a few suggestions about auction options and the associated risks. She replied with a one liner saying "yes, put it on with a 99p starting price and no reserve". That was it, nothing else, just get on with it. I was somewhat flabbergasted at this as it takes some time to draft a decent auction listing and add decent quality photographs to give one a chance of getting a decent sale price and I had none of the information or images to do this.

I politely mentioned this in my second mail and unsurprisingly heard nothing from her. About a week later I rang to catch up on their news and she informed me that she wasn't going to bother selling the steam cleaner at the moment as it was too much bother.

For Fucks Sake! She is such a lazy cow. All I asked her to do was take a few digital photos and fire over a few details in an e-mail. It was going to be Muggins here that was going to do the donkey work of drafting the listing and handling the sale. I really think that she thought I was going to schlep over to Harvington to take photos and notes so that I could sell HER crap.

After all she must be very busy now she is retired and has fuck all to do. And it is not as though she has a computer literate 28 year old at home to help out if needed either.

A fairly lazy day

After breakfast 30% and I both headed in to Redditch by means of separate conveyances. She was off to the Supermarket to collect what basically amounted to booze and nibbles whilst I needed to hit B&Q for a peculiar array of goods including a new lavatory seat, fluorescent light starter units and 16mm cut tacks. I should point out that whilst my shopping list was for the common good, 30% was off for an overnight camping trip at Eastnor Castle with her friend Jules and her shopping was most definitely her version of trail food!

My trip in to Redditch was not wholly successful as I need to replace a short length of Ogee moulding in the Hall and thus far have found nothing remotely like it. To be honest this is not entirely unexpected as the moulding must be getting on for sixty years old but I thought I would try a couple of possible Suppliers while I was in town. I arrived home shortly after eleven to an empty house and got busy with my list of chores.

First task was to replace the lavatory seat in the Jack & Jill bathroom upstairs. This was a simple job and was soon scrubbed from my virtual to do list. 30% arrived home during this lavatory upgrade activity and lauded me like I had just rescued a kitten from burning well or had just discovered a cure for teeth … I obviously hadn't realised how precariously wobbly the previous broken seat had become!

Next on the list was the equally challenging task of inserting two new starter units in to the fluorescent lights in the garage. I then returned to the house to watch 30% pack her picnic and prepare lunch. We were just about to eat when Paul the Plumber rang to see if it was convenient to pop round and introduce a couple of litres of "inhibitor" to the heating system. Lunch was therefore eaten on the hoof while chatting away with PtP. 30% headed off for her camping expedition* soon after lunch and I was home alone.

I needed to be at home around four o'clock to hand over a metal bed frame that had recently been sold via eBay so had an hour or so to fill. The weather was absolutely scorching so there was no way the dogs could be walked so I did what comes naturally and hit the sofa for an hour and watched junk TV. "Ros from Alvechurch" arrived quite punctually and was not at all like her semi-literate emails had augured. I relieved her of two crisp ten pound notes** and lent semi-reluctant*** assistance to her assistant as he loaded it in and on the top of her tiny Suzuki.

After their departure I was free of chronological restraints so I took the Enfield from the garage, donned minimal protective gear and headed back in to Redditch. The reason for this return trip is that, despite having them on my list, I had managed to forget the 16mm cut tacks on my first visit this morning. The ride was a liberating and refreshing escape from the afternoon heat but I found myself hyper-aware of the road surface, other road users and my vulnerability without the protection boots, jacket and gloves would provide.

Back at home I put the Enfield away and installed the dog guard in the car before heading inside. The tacks were needed to secure the cow hide sheath that hides the joint of the pair of Bull Horns I am currently mounting. This took no more than a few minutes and then it was time to walk T&M.

After an hour out around the Three Miler I headed home made a light supper and returned to the sofa for more strenuous inactivity.

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* She was really going to an open air Jules Holland Concert. The overnight camping was an alcohol related by product.
** She had a bloody good deal, it should have gone much higher with that many Watchers
*** See previous note regarding the final bid for this lot.

Getting one in under the radar

Before I start I need to clearly state that I fully understand that what I publish in The Journal is in the public domain. That is why I use aliases and carefully control the content in an attempt to protect my privacy and that of the ones I love. I am sure that with enough detective work my identity could be determined but I am also aware that there is absolutely nothing in here that would make that a worthwhile exercise.

What this comes down to is fundamentally I quite like my privacy and have made a reasonable effort to preserve it. I am not concerned if someone from Telford, Pennsylvania reads this on a daily basis because they chances of a face to face encounter are virtually zero. Ergo my anonymity and privacy is preserved.

I do have another class of reader and those are friends and colleagues. These are very few in number and for some reason I am not overly concerned about them reading my diary. I suppose it is because a friendship status can be easily revised. It can go from  "let's go out for a drink" to "I love you and want to have your babies" but just as easily it can also wither to  "I used to work with him years ago". If I felt that their interest in my diary was getting weird or creepy they could, to use Facebook speak, be "unfriended".

 I am aware that ex-colleagues from Dante's Nine Circles of Hell read this but I doubt that they read it religiously on a daily basis and we rarely talk in person these days which means that I have no concerns about things getting a little strange. Also, there is a reciprocal arrangement in that they too tend to Blog so I can "pop  in and see how things are going" with them.

Now we get to the difficult bit; Family! For some reason SMS is fascinated by this blog and reads it every day.* This really creeps me out! She never talks to me directly about it but when I am talking to her or BMS on the 'phone I will occasionally recount a snippet of news and will get the response "Oh Yes, SMS read that in your blog". More recently she mentioned one of the more sensitive Journal entries to 30% and this caused a minor upset as 30% hadn't read** the entry and wasn't aware of the content.

I know I should not get wound up by this but I find it a very peculiar type of stalking. I am well aware that nothing in here is particularly earth shattering but I find her interest has gone beyond the norm and into an area that is not quite right. As I type this I wonder if she reads her own son's blog as frequently as she reads mine?

It also damages our relationship as I find her regular reading intrusive and I find myself needing to write this down as a way of venting. Furthermore I will set this post to todays date but I will leave it in draft format for a month or more. Only then will I publish it. By that time it will be well down the list of Journal entries, not visible on the main web page, and only accessible by web search or someone specifically interested in reading what I did in July 2014.

What this comes down to is this; this is my diary. I am allowed to be pissed off and I am not going to be deterred from writing about it. If you don't like it fuck off and read some other shit on the internet … or … get a fucking life instead of living mine by fucking proxy.

Having got that off my chest I will now get on with today's fun and games. The working day was busy and I attended the first call with the client on a project that is about to kick off. I took notes and published these to the great and good after the call. About an hour later I received an email from my Boss. A VP had been on the distribution list and had forwarded my meeting notes to my Boss with a single line of text … " I like him already". It is a great first impression but I now have to live up to it.

After work 30% and I headed over to Littleton for a wander around the auction rooms. A couple of weeks back SMS made it clear that she wanted to accompany*** us to a viewing so this evening we met her and BMS at the Auction House. I don't know what had got in to him but BMS was in a pretty foul mood. He was tetchy and scathing erring in to sarcastic and dismissive in almost every comment he made. It may have been the heat but I think it may well have been that he didn't want to go to the viewing but had been cajoled in to it by SMS.

Whatever it was, it was nothing of mine or 30%'s doing so I would just like to say thanks Dad for being such a miserable sod and casting a cloud over the end of our working week. Also being particularly shitty was not going to persuade me to offer to help move a redundant television in to the back of their car when they have my twenty eight year old half brother in the house.

Rant over … for the moment.

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*Statcounter software logs the IP addresses and location information of Journal readers so I can get an accurate idea of who is reading what, when and for how long.
** 30% is not a regular reader. She will occasionally drop in if she wants to show a friend a photograph she knows has been published here but otherwise her view is "it's bad enough living with him".
*** I am somewhat bemused by this. BMS knows exactly where the auction rooms are and they are both old enough not to need to be chaperoned by us. 30% and I are somewhat time and energy poor and this is one of the few relaxing activities we like to do together. We just felt that this was yet another invasion of our privacy.

Do I look like a "people person"?

Thursday saw me heading in to The Depot. It will come as no surprise that I had expenses to submit but TP's car needed a service and MOT so 30% and I had offered to get this sorted while he is sunning himself with his Mother in Northern Italy. Bright and early this sunny morning I was to be seen trundling in to town in a banana yellow Fiat with 30% in hot pursuit in her Audi.

The car was dropped off at a local garage and 30% and I headed in to the Depot … and Oh what fun I had! Today I was joined in my cube by two recent recruits to my team. At this point it is worth stressing that I enjoy the solitude of working from home so imagine my delight at being crammed in to four square metres with a pair of Network Engineers. I am sure they are lovely people if you get to know them and unfortunately for me they were quite keen on getting better acquainted with me. They had assembled at the Depot from far and wide for a curry night with some of their former colleagues* and were keen that I joined them.

Now I have worked with both of them previously and I can say that one of them is fine from a professional perspective and the other is just plain odd. I could go on at length but let's just leave it at overly friendly and incredibly boring at the same time. Obviously I needed to get out of this jam pronto to avoid the alternative universe where I would later be slitting my wrists under the table in a cramped and gloomy Balti House in Moseley. I rapidly invented a late night call with a couple of real colleagues and combined it with the need to collect TP's car.** I was immediately excused and received admiration for my dedication to be working so late in to the evening.

I got on with my day and was head down for most of it. This was a necessity as the subjects of the conversations behind me ranged from speeding points and bans to what type of tyres I bought for my bikes … Kill me now!

30% eventually took a call from the garage and we headed over to pick up TP's car. Unfortunately it had needed a couple of age related maintenance jobs*** which increased the size of the invoice but it now has an MOT and a clean bill of mechanical health.

Our route home also involved a stop at 30%'s Mum and Dad's house where they were to be found sunning themselves in the garden. The purpose of the visit was to collect 30%'s keys after the weekend dog sitting. As we were chatting I noticed feathers littered about the lawn. I suppose it could have been from a kill by one of their cat's but my mind was drawn back to the conversation I had with Tyson yesterday!

We eventually arrived home and were greeted enthusiastically by T&M. It was way too hot for a walk and, if I am honest, I didn't fancy it at the end of a busy day so we enjoyed a leisurely evening. I did make further progress with my latest project and the cow hide I was messing around with on Tuesday is now glued around the centre section of a rather fine pair of Bull horns.

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* One of whom resembles Frankenstein's Monster to a frightening degree including the shambling, foot dragging gait and the physique that suggests multiple body part donors.
** Bullshitting 101: Base your lie on as many truths as possible.
*** Cam Belt and brake fluid replacement

This may not be true ...

While talking to Tyson about being left in the care of a Dog Sitter over the weekend she informed me that she had heard the hens making a dreadful clamour and had found 30%'s Mum squeezing the eggs out of the chickens so she could steal them. I didn't believe this for one minute …

… but then again, the egg rack was suspiciously empty when we returned on Sunday?

Not sure how to sum this crap up?

Today was slightly less busy than recently and I actually found twenty minutes during the day to grab the clippers from the garage and trim T&Ms' faces. 30% has been "commenting"* on their appearance for a couple of weeks so this may well be a Personal Best in this domestic Endurance Event.

I have already mentioned that the day was calmer than the recent norm but late in the afternoon my Boss pinged then rang me … it appears that a new opportunity for another client will kicking off at the end of the month and I have been selected to lead it. This is more new territory for me but I must admit that I am up for the challenge in an "Oh Shit, what have I let myself in for" kind of way.**

The business day came to a close and I headed out for a walk in the glorious sunshine with T&M. On my return I checked my laptop for the final time and noticed a fairly recent ping from my Frolleague Lou in Nevada. She rang to say that she had volunteered to be my RFP Bitch*** and was really looking forward to this deal.

I also seem to have rekindled my enthusiasm for DIY and this evening I pushed forward a project that has been kicking around for ages. Tonight's activities involved the trimming of a piece of cow hide followed by the creation of fold over seams along the two long edges using a leather glue …

… I'll  leave you to guess what I am up to.****

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* Who's a beautiful girl, does your face need clipping?" repeated in the style of chinese water torture whenever I am present. Eventually this dripping tap irritates me to the point where I grab the spanners and a fresh washer. It may also be worth mentioning that she says she prefers them shaggy and unclipped … I'm never going to win here!
** it needs to be remembered that much of what I do is based on the "let's throw spaghetti at the wall" approach … try anything and see what sticks. There is far more to it than that, but every opportunity is different and whilst there may be tried and tested practices you need a creative approach to endure the roller coaster ride that is responding to Outsourcing RFPs.
*** her phrase not mine!
**** CAUTION: Pressing this link will cause you to jump forward in time. Some discomfort may be experienced.

There is no such thing as a free lunch

To be honest there is not a huge amount to report today. It was simply a case of getting my head down and getting on with it. I am now in the second week of the three where I need to cover a colleagues workload and am being asked to get involved in all sorts of activities that he made no mention of in his hand-over. Mind you, I am never quite sure how to take this individual. My opinion swings from monosyllabic with a martini dry sense of humour to evil Danish Bastard. For the past week I have mostly been going with "eDB"!

I did find a surprising e-mail in my in-box this morning … after a quick skim read it appeared that I had been recognised for my contribution to the client and had been invited to a client hosted lunch at a nearby hostelry. I rapidly realised the repercussions of this communication and promptly read the invitee list VERY carefully … Oh Fuck!

It was a matter of moments to realise that, whilst I had been invited, 30%'s name did not appear in the e-mail. She was working from home today so, when she finally put the telephone down, I wandered up somewhat apprehensively…

… My opening statement in this potentially "difficult" subject might have been a little blunt as I went with the simple, but straightforward "Do you know anything about this Recognition Event that I have been invited to at The xxxx in xxxxxxxx". With the benefit of hindsight, perhaps I should have gone with something more tactful and sensitive as I was forced to endure two full minutes of non-stop invective and expletive covering my limited time with the company and my allegedly minimal contribution.*

Fortunately this was mock fury and things soon settled down, or at least they seem to have.

As afternoon turned to evening I got up from the laptop and wandered around the Three Miler with T&M.  I must have been feeling incredibly energetic as I then pushed the porn mower around the lawn and managed a quick snooze before 30% shouted out that dinner was ready.

I knew she had calmed down as a) it wasn't burnt and b) I wasn't wearing it.

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* You have only been here 5 minutes, do sweet fuck all and get invited to a fucking Recognition Lunch and am I invited, Oh No! …. ad nauseam