Sods Law

Today's primary objective was to clean the BMW.

Neither 30% nor I can bear to part with the Defender, despite the current Vehicle Duty of £735 per annum.   We appreciate that this is an astronomical fee, but it is such a cool, imposing vehicle with real road presence. We just love trundling around in it, so cannot bear to sell it. It also brilliant when it comes to collecting loads of top soil or collecting rotorvators, as it has in the past few weeks.*

However common sense has prevailed and the BMW estate has been sorned and will be put in the car port for the next few months until we both remember how comfortable, warm and delightfully smooth** it is and it will be reinstated as our preferred vehicle for a good few months.

I appear to have entered a weird phase of my life where I alternate between two vehicles depending on the season ... Oh, and one of the motorcycles if it warm, sunny and dry ... and I don't have to carry anything!

Right, I seem to have wandered away from the story line there.  The plan for today was to wash the BMW before I put it away in the car port.

The pressure washer was connected to both power and water and the car was given an initial blast to clean the worst of the Winter grime from its bodywork. 

The sun then decided to show its face and my plans were buggered.  All of the cleaning products I had planned to use were quite clear in their instructions. The paintwork needed to be cool and the products should not be allowed to dry on the car. There was no way I could snowfoam or shampoo the car until the sun went in.  

Basically, and somewhat perversely for the UK, the sun had stopped play!

I checked the forecast and cloud cover looked like it would increase in the afternoon, so the rest of the morning was spent clearing some of the crap that had accumulated in the carport over the past 12 months.  The trailer was sheeted and parked up and the diverse items of garden paraphernalia were put away.

Eventually the weather cooperated and I was able to continue with my car cleaning. A snow foam treatment was applied and washed off and I then filled a bucket, grabbed a wash mitten and gave her a thorough clean.  The pressure washer was used to give her a final rinse and I stood back to admire my hard work.

At this point I will mention that the local farmer had decided that today was the perfect day to bale a crop of hay from the small pasture alongside the cottage.  The baling had produced plenty of dust and my beautifully clean car was now covered with little circles of dust as it had settled on my drying car.

Bollocks, it looks like I'll be doing this again in a few days time!

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* Bubbles, a Volkswagen devotee, also loves it and is absolutely convinced that it is the perfect vehicle for our fishing trips.

** It's bloody quick too. She may be a big old bus, but, when she hitches up her  drawers, she can tear off down the road along with the best of them

Parcels

 I received two parcels today.

The first was 75 jar lids that I had ordered yesterday. In the intervening 24 hours I had managed to totally forget that I had ordered them and was, therefore, a little concerned at the rattly, broken sounding box that arrived this morning.  After identifying the contents I was amazed at the speed of delivery and, if I could have been arsed to leave a review, it would have been very positive.

The second parcel came in a box that was about 50cm x 50cm x 25cm.  Once again, I was a little perplexed at what I had ordered. I opened the large box and was presented with a lot of shredded cardboard packing material. After routing around for a moment or two, my hand fell upon the box of plant fertiliser that I had ordered a couple of days ago.

I looked at the packet of fertiliser, looked again at the box it arrived in, and did a swift mental calculation. I swear that the box could have easily held twenty packets of Phostrogen!

It was bloody ridiculous. "Brown paper and triple twist twine are the preferred media"* and they would have been more than adequate. Instead I got packaging more appropriate to a priceless relic.

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* Thanks Tommy! A prize may be awarded if the source of this quote is identified correctly.

Good News & Not So Good News

 The first event of the day was to accompany 30% on a trip to the Optometrist in Worcester.  She would be having her pupils dilated as part of the examination and this precludes driving for about six hours afterwards.*

The Consultation went well in that she has been booked in for cataract surgery this coming Thursday. This is impressive as the surgery will be eleven calendar days since she first consulted an Optician about her eyesight. The speed of referral and operation scheduling is, quite frankly, amazing.

30% was also delighted when the final comment from the receptionist, after booking a slot for her Op, was "You won't be cooking or doing any cleaning for the next few weeks".

Back at home I massaged the pork that is curing in the fridge and then started to process a batch of honey that needed to be warmed, filtered and bottled.  Over the course of the day I managed to process a further batch of honey and now have twenty, eight ounce jars to be labelled and put out for sale.

I also completed this week's lawn mowing marathon with a forty five minute wander up and down the front lawn. It all looks rather neat and tidy now, although I am seeing signs of weeds ... where's my hoe!

The final activity of the day was a wander out on the Three Miler with Bobyn and the dogs. We had an amusing conversation about our comings and goings since we last saw each other and one of the topics had us in stitches.  I shouldn't really go in to detail but the punchline of this conversation was that she "does watch other things".

I also caught up with Grandad Jack courtesy of WhatsApp and was saddened to learn that he is about to start a course of chemotherapy.  He is, understandably, shocked and terrified by his diagnosis and we both did our best to avoid the subject at all costs. I took the piss, sent him much love and offered him large quantities of home cured bacon as soon as he felt up to it.

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* Many years ago a nurse explained the reason for this. The belladonna based substance dilates the pupils to facilitate the examination of the eye. However, it prevents the construction of the pupil for several hours afterwards and this is the key point. If one were involved in a car accident after having ones' pupils dilated post accident checks will include a medic shining a bright light in to each eye to check the pupillary reflex.   Obviously the belladonna adversely affects the reflex and may result in the medic incorrectly diagnosing a pressure related brain injury.  The treatment may involve many holes being drilled in to the skull to relieve the non existent pressure.

All Mondays should be like this

This morning I took the two loins and the slab of belly pork from the fridge and gathered various implements.

The basic method of making bacon is very simple. The pork loin, or slab of belly, is laid on a large tray. Generous handfuls of the cure mixture are massaged in to the cut of meat and my approach is to then vacuum pack* it, although zip lock bags or sealable containers will work just as well.

As just mentioned, the cuts of pork are inserted in to bags and a couple more handfuls of cure mixture are added. The bags are then sealed and placed in the bottom of the fridge. For the next week the loins will be taken from the fridge each day and will be massaged and flipped over. The belly pork has the same treatment, but will only need four or five days as it is much thinner than a pork loin.

Starting the cure took much of the morning and a spell of gentle pottering** took me through until lunchtime.

In the early afternoon I dragged the mower from the shed and cut the back lawn. I had every intention of doing the same at the front, but heavy, grey clouds and half a dozen drops of rain convinced me that a downpour was imminent and the mower was put back in the shed.

Further pottering ensued, which turned in to an internet search on the best way to put fishing line on to a reel. Half an hour, an arbor knot and a bowl of water later, I can report that my new Shimano reel is replete with 12lb breaking strain line and ready for the next fishing trip.

As afternoon turned to evening I clambered in to the Defender and headed over to collect Bubbles and Ben. We had arranged to attend the last North Cotswold Hunt Supporters Clay Shoot of the year up at Blockley.  We had an amusing evening in beautiful countryside, attempting to hit forty clays.

Surprisingly, Bubbles was well off his usual form and, for the first time ever, I actually managed to equal his score of 25/40.  Ben kicked both of our arses with a fine 28/40 ... for a beginner he is far too fucking good!

The evening ended with a trestle filled with pork pie, sausage rolls and other fabulously unhealthy food.  We filled our faces before heading down from the Cotswold escarpment back in to the Vale.

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* Many years ago we purchased a little vacuum packing unit. It came with a couple of rolls of heat seal plastic bags. This is basically a plastic bag tube on a roll. One cuts off the length that is needed to make the required size of bag and seals one end.  The item to be vacuum packed is then put in the bag and the open end is inserted in to the vacuum packer. A vac & seal button is pressed and all of the air is sucked from the back and the open end is heat sealed. They are an absolutely brilliant device for home freezing as the produce never gets freezer burn.

** Gentle Pottering: a catch all term covering a multitude of skives. These can range from watering the veg plot to putting away an item that has been left on display for so long that it bears a couple of millimetres of dust and at least one abandoned cobweb.

Not a Completer/Finisher today

The weather was a little more seasonal today and, after a few indoor jobs, I did get to experience a few rays of sunshine.

On return from 30%'s shopping trip yesterday, she had proudly presented two full loins of pork. Our supply of bacon is running low and a cure has been discussed for a few of weeks. It now looks like I will be making some bacon in the next couple of days. *

The loins will make some fabulous back bacon and there is a slab of belly pork in the freezer that will make a good few rashers of streaky too.

First job this morning was to mix up a batch of cure. The following ingredients were assembled;

• 500g Salt
• 500g Soft Brown Sugar
• 25g Black Peppercorns
• 25g Coriander Seeds
• a good handful of Bay Leaves
• 2 Star Anise pods
• A few Juniper berries

The spices were ground with a hand blender and then thoroughly mixed with the salt and sugar. This was bagged up and will be rubbed in to the pork tomorrow when I actually have time to get the pork cure underway.

I also cleared the foam from top of the 30lb tub of honey that Pete dropped off yesterday. Again, I didn't have the time to start to clarify, filter and bottle the honey. That too will need to wait for another day.

At lunchtime we headed over to 30%'s brother's house for a joint celebration of the ELF's birthday and Father's Day. It was a pleasant enough do, perhaps a little formulaic, but we had a pleasant lunch and chat before we needed to head home.

30% had planned a trip to Birmingham to see a musical performance of The Wizard of Oz with one of her friends, leaving me home alone this afternoon.

First job was to plant out four tomato plants that we had picked up from a local nursery on our trip out this morning.  For some reason one of my tomato plants has wilted and is now dying, while its neighbours are flourishing. I can see no signs of insect or other infestation and am at a loss to understand its demise.  My approach was to simply remove the dying plant and replace it. I also filled a couple of gaps in the greenhouse with the other new plants.

I was now on a roll and dragged the porn mower from its den. I was well in to the afternoon at this point and settled on just mowing the lawns around the greenhouses, the garage and the verges at the front of the cottage. The front and back lawns can wait until tomorrow.

By the time I had put the mower away it was definitely time for a glass of wine and dinner. I settled down with the dogs and realised that I had managed to start three different jobs today and finish none of them.

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* The bacon cure is becoming an annual event. Over a period of about two weeks a pair of pork loins will be dry cured for about a week, followed by air drying for another week. They will then be hung in a little "tea chest" smoker and cold smoked over smouldering oak sawdust for about 24 hours. Finally the bacon will be sliced, vacuum packed and frozen for consumption over the next year.

A lazy day.

 The forecast for today was rain, lots of rain, so any gardening plans were put on hold.

30% headed out for a supermarket visit and I headed to my desk with the aim of locating a few documents for the FAs. Well, one thing led to another and, before I knew it, it was lunchtime and I was about half way through my on-line tax return for 2023/24.

I still have a few points to clarify, but I hope to have finished the damned thing in the next week, or so.

Just as I was finishing lunch, Pete C called at the house.  Pete is a local beekeeper and it was he who provided me with the bucket of honey that I clarified and bottled for sale at the end of April.  I have managed to sell about 24 lbs of honey from my little roadside stand in the past six weeks and Pete arrived with another bucket of honey in hand.

This is probably an appropriate point to cover the current situation with the bees, or rather lack of them! I've already mentioned that I was virtually housebound for a good chunk of last year and, although I attempted to inspect my bees, there was no way that my condition would allow me to maintain my colonies.

I had four or five hives and each of these needed to be inspected once a week. Each inspection would take a minimum of twenty minutes and, as the colonies took on nectar and pollen, I would be moving honey supers weighing 20+ kilos. I did attempt an inspection early in the year, but only the one. I just couldn't do it.*

My bees were left to their own devices and, unfortunately, by the time I was able to take a look in the Autumn, all of my colonies had swarmed and left the hives empty. The vacant frames were crawling with wax moth larvae and they had eaten their way through the comb leaving behind a mess of frass and untidy webs of grubby silk. It was a very depressing task to burn the frames and dismantle the hives.

Pete was aware of my misfortune and had promised to sort me out with another colony. Over the past couple of months he has been trying to find a colony for me, but the one he has selected, is being problematic.  We had a pleasant hour discussing honeybee management and the options for sorting me out with another colony.  One way, or another, Pete is confident that he will get me started again by the Autumn.  

Obviously I will not be harvesting honey this year, so will be a honey re-seller through until next year, or possibly the year after.

The afternoon faded in to evening and we headed over to see my Alcester Mum and Dad and join them for dinner. We had a lovely evening catching up with each others' news and it was a great way of finishing our lazy day.

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* The rigours of a honey extraction are even more physical and involved. If I couldn't manage colony inspections there was no way I could have harvested a honey crop last year.

More Planting.

 First job of the day was to plant the cabbage and French bean plants that we purchased from Rowberry's yesterday.

This took a good chunk of the morning, as the cabbages needed to be netted to keep the pigeons and butterflies away and teepees needed to be constructed to provide support for the beans. 

The veg patch is filling up quite nicely, but there will be plenty of  room for the peas and beans that 30% sowed this afternoon.

I also sowed a few seed in the larger of the two raised beds. We bought some Spring Onion seeds yesterday and I planted a 3' row. The plan is to plant a 3' row each week for the next few weeks to give us a longer cropping of these tasty little bites.

Our gardening was interrupted for a brief chat with the FAs before we returned to the plot. I managed to clear the weeds from the final square yard of path up by the well and can therefore mark this job as complete ... until the little buggers start growing again!

Hypothermia!

 The plan for this morning was to head over to Rowberry's Nursery to meet up with Mr & Mrs Tweedy.

This seemed like a great idea, as a day of rest was in order after our recent gardening exertions. Fortuitously it would also keep us out of the unseasonably cold weather.

I'm not a fan of the cold, so having never visited this establishment before, I asked 30% whether it was an indoor or  outdoor experience.  She informed me that it was an indoor premises, so I stupidly assumed that a coat would not be necessary.

We arrived and partook of coffee and cake in the cafe before venturing out ... KEY WORD there "OUT" in to the polytunnels that formed the accommodations for an absolutely splendid array of plants.  The only problem was that the polytunnels were open ended and a biting wind blew down each and every one of them.

After an hour, or so, of wandering I was fucking freezing* and not in the most positive of moods. It was fair to say that I was relieved when lunch was mentioned and we, again, retired to the cafe to eat whilst wrapped in emergency silver foil blankets.

This is not a disparaging report of the nursery. It was fantastic. It's just that next time I would like the temperature to be a little less Baltic.

Back at home we stayed indoors away from the wind and were joined by Bubbles and Bobyn for dinner. It was Bubbles' birthday on Sunday and this was a belated celebration of his 35th.

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* actually it was after about 3 minutes of wandering that I was hypothermic!

An Offering to the Hedgehog God

 I spent most of today on my hands and knees.

This wasn't a day of worship and offerings* at the alter of the great hedgehog spirit Ar 'n Tuith,  and my back wasn't playing up either.**

Instead, I returned to the overgrown path at the front of the cottage, the clearing of which, I started at the end of last month. Previously I had cleared the path as far of the front door and now I had another twenty, or so, feet to get to the end of the path by the well.

It is fair to say that it was a long job, but it now looks really good. The only slight annoyance is that I gave up as a result of fatigue at about six o'clock in the evening, leaving about one square yard left to clear. The completer / finisher in me really wanted to complete the job, but a sit down and a glass of red wine was just too persuasive.

Clearly my offerings to Ar 'n Tuith were not well received and my request for eternal stamina was ignored ... Well, bollocks to him, I'll try worshiping one of the Badger spirits instead!

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* Juicy beetles, probably.

** Although it may well be tomorrow.

If you build it ...

Prior to the fox attack last Summer, our chickens were housed in a decrepit old shed with an attached run.*  We took the decision to re-home the surviving birds and not to replace them until we had a more secure home for them. That was in February 2021 and I have already mentioned that 30% and I managed to dismantle and burn the old coop in the Autumn of last year. 

This left us with no chickens and no coop ... up until today!

30% has ordered a poultry ark and it should be with us in seven to ten days time.

She is already reaching out to suppliers of fertile eggs.

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* The shed was already in a decayed state when we moved to the cottage* in February 2021 and I recall that TP and his girlfriend spent the first morning up there with cable ties, hammers and other tools to make the crappy old shed almost habitable for poultry.

Planting out at last

I was out early this morning for a trip over to Droitwich to see the Consultant Optometrist. 

Once I was back at home I headed out to the newly tilled vegetable patch with watering cans, pegs, a line and a trowel and finally set to putting some plants in the ground. Since moving here I have become really quite taken with growing vegetables and they really do taste so much better than the produce at the supermarket. It may be down to the varieties or just that the veg is fresh taking literally minutes to go from plant to plate.

We are nowhere near sufficient, but, all being well, the freezers will be filled with surplus produce over the next few months and we will be able to delight in soup made from home grown tomatoes and frozen fresh runner beans well in to next year.

I put in a row and a half of celeriac* and eighteen runner bean** plants with their requisite bamboo teepees.  

It all looks beautifully neat and ordered at the moment, but I am well aware that the bloody weeds will be poking up the moment I turn my back.

Note to self: get 30% to reach out to Bev and Dawn and arrange for us to go over and pick up some horse shit to mulch the bare earth.

While I was planting, 30% has been hard at it in the orchard and has cleared a huge amount of deadwood from the top, right hand corner, which was left when we had the hedge laid back in the Spring of 2021.

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* 20 plants that I have raised from seeds, Var: Ilona 

** Variety: Lady Di.

A Bonfire in the Orchard

30% and I spent much of our time in the orchard today. The weather is unseasonably cool, so our plan was to complete a task that would ward away the chills.

Our goal was to have a bonfire and deal with the large pile of stems and branches abandoned there after the Winter fruit tree pruning.  Over the past few months a dense mass of stinging nettles and docks had grown up through the pile and it was certainly overdue for clearance.

We have a metal cage about 5' in length, 4' wide and about 3' high. It is great for bonfires, but was already heaped his with weeds and other material from our gardening activities.

Phase 1 was to drag out branches from the nettle patch and cut them in to reasonable lengths. After about an hour we both had a couple of good sized piles, so I grabbed matches, a cardboard box filled with shredded paper and about an eggcup of heating oil ... Despite the wind I had the fire lit with a single match and 30% and I started to pile on dry wood.

We soon had a blazing fire, hot enough to burn the damp herbage previously piled in the burner along with the pruned wood.

Whilst we were working the dogs alerted us to a visitor at the gate. It was my adopted dad; Buzzer who had come to pay us a visit and invite us over for dinner on Saturday evening. We caught up on each other's news whilst drinking coffee and warming ourselves by the bonfire.

30% needed to head off to the Opticians in the early afternoon, so I piled the fire high with the last of the brush cut grasses from my orchard clearance last month and then attended to an odd hole in the orchard.

Now the orchard is far from an even piece of ground, but there is this weird hole about a foot deep and about three feet square. It is regular in shape and it looks like someone might have attempted to dig a very shallow pool at some point in the past. All I know is that it gets concealed by the rampant growth of grass and herbs and I fall in to the bloody thing on a regular basis.

We had some topsoil spare, so it has now been filled and I scattered some grass seed on it.

If you could see the rabbit hole ridden, rough patch that is our orchard, you might think that gallons of herbicide and a bulldozer would be a more appropriate tactic. You might be right, but I'm tempted to have a play with the new rotorvator and see if it is feasible to get parts of it levelled and grassed ... I can always hire a mini digger later if I need to.

Notes on Carrots

I found time today to get some carrots planted in the smaller of the new raised beds.

In previous years 30% has grown carrots in containers and her approach has been to sprinkle on the tiny seeds and water.  Thinning has not been her thing, leading to very closely packed plants. The result has been tasty, but tiny, little carrots no bigger than one's little finger.  They have been perfect for dipping in hummus, but not really worth the effort to prepare and cook.

This time I decided to take more technical approach, but found that details were lacking. 

These notes are to help me work out what went wrong later in the season.

It is said that silver sand acts as a diluting agent and enables the tiny seed to be more evenly distributed along the row.  I found an internet resource that suggested that a quarter of a teaspoon of seed be mixed with a cup of silver sand, but there was no advice on what length of row this should sown in to.

I ended up distributed my sand/seed mixture evenly over five rows, each of which was about 3 feet in length. The seed was sown at a depth of about half an inch.

I should see results in about ten days, so fingers crossed that the bloody pigeons keep off them.

The Rotamatiser!

 First job of the day was to tender my resignation as co-chair of the local Horticultural society.  I used to get paid quite handsomely to deal with sarcastic and petty wankers, but I certainly wasn't going to that for free as a volunteer.  

The abridged version of events was that a poster redesign took place.* The abomination was distributed with a request for feedback and I provided a couple of comments** instead of tearing the thing to shreds and doing it myself.

The designer*** decided to get pissy and questioned my understanding of design and finished off with, if you think you can do better, do it yourself.

The society is a real ball ache and, in my opinion is at the end of its life. I have tried making a number of suggestions to encourage new membership and make the club more accessible and inclusive, but these have been met with indifference and a strong desire to continue doing things as they have always been done.

They had therefore given me an easy way out and I politely resigned, pointing out that I was not a good fit for a committee where common courtesy falls by the wayside when requested feedback is given.

I have subsequently received an non-apology from Mr Pissy, recognition of my organisation skills, ideas and enthusiasm, followed by requests to reconsider my decision ... Yep, they can go and fuck themselves!

Now on to important matters ... The Rotamatiser. 

After topping up the larger of the raised beds, 30% and I headed over to Tewkesbury to the commercial premises of Gizzy and Jules.  When we last met up they advised than an elderly acquaintance had a rotorvator for sale at a very attractive price of sixty quid.  We leapt at the offer and then the old Duffer went cold on the idea and decided that he would hold on to it ... arse!

However, a couple of weeks ago Gizzy got in touch to advise that the Rotamitiser was now definitely available and we leapt again.  We spent a lovely morning catching up with G&J and the Rotamatiser looked in great condition. It even still bore the little label from its most recent service.

After an hour or so of coffee and chat, we loaded the little red beast in to the back of the Defender and headed back home. A quick lunch was eaten and the little monster was unloaded and plonked in the veg patch.

An hour later I can report that it is awesome in a wrestling with a bear whilst trying to excavate to the centre of the earth sort of way. It was certainly a work out, but the results are amazing. The vegetable garden is now a tilled masterpiece and I am just a little sad that events and weather have meant that we have missed the planting window for some of our favourite crops. 

Still, not to worry, we'll find something to grow that isn't beetroot or Pak Choi.

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* and it still looked like an eight year old had been let loose with a desktop publishing application

** I really was restrained, surprising, I know! I suggested we decide on either left or centre justification rather than both and that we tidied up the final elements at the base of the poster relating to sponsors and access to schedules.

*** This is stretching the definition of that word to a monumental extent

Filling our time

 Here's a two in one Journal entry after a couple of jam packed days.

Friday, 7th June

Bubbles and Ben picked me up just before nine o'clock and we headed over towards Ledbury for a practice session on the clay traps at Long Ridge Shooting Ground.  I have only been once before and it certainly hasn't got any easier. 

It is CPSA registered shooting ground which means that it is of a standard suitable for hosting national competitions. *

It is fair to say that I struggled with some many of the birds and I was certainly glad that we weren't keeping score.

I was home early in the afternoon and hitched up the trailer, once again, before heading over to Weston Subedge for the final load of top soil.  I then spent a frustrating hour, or so, on Horticultural Club admin before tidying myself up ... 

... Bubbles had arranged a barbecue for this evening and we had a lovely time centred around salads and grilled meats of many varieties.

Saturday, 8th June

Today was another day with Bubbles and Ben.

This time we had arranged for a day's fishing over at the Lakes in Harvington. By quarter past eight we had purchased three pints of maggots and were setting up our equipment on the edge of the Boundary Pool whilst merrily taking the piss out of each other.

I nearly failed at the first hurdle when my reel jammed, but Bubbles fortunately had a spare and I was soon  drowning maggots in the cool morning air.

Bubbles also decided that we should have a competition for the most fish and the heaviest weight of fish caught, and I was off to a good start when I landed the first fish of the day, a small but handsome 3lb common carp.  I then caught a couple of small Bream before Bubbles brought in a rather nice Perch.  Poor Ben looked a little downhearted as we three were only spaced over about fifteen yards of the bank, but he wasn't having any luck at all.

Bubbles and I were neck and neck before he went ahead just before lunch with six or seven caught to my five.** Ben eventually got lucky with a decent sized bream and he even managed to use the landing net to sweep up a large mirror carp that was idly cruising at the surface just in front of us.  We teased him that he couldn't count that his as he hadn't caught it with a rod and line.

We fished until four o'clock, but we had very few bites after lunchtime. It was, however, pleasant to sit in the sun and talk nonsense for most of the day.

30% and I were out again this evening, visiting the Palace Theatre in Redditch to see a performance by Back to Bacharach. As the name suggests, we were treated to a performance of hits from the song book of Bert Bacharach performed by a seven piece band with four different vocalists.

It was a really great event and the very capable musicians and vocalists certainly did justice to the works of a very talented man. 

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* i.e. Bloody hard!

** My catch was a carp, two small bream, a small tench and an eel, which was very wriggly and quite freaky in its ability to wrap itself around anything it came in to contact with.

Pottering & an infrequent visitor

30% had gone off with a sub-sect of the coven this morning for trip around Hidcote Gardens.  I was left to my own devices and pottered around the greenhouses; watering, pinching out the side shoots on the tomato plants and tying in the tomato vines to the supports.

The afternoon started with a little snooze before I hauled the porn mower from its lair and mowed the front and back lawns.  The attentive reader might recall that the self drive failed on the mower a week ago and I can certainly state that I miss it.  It was quite a workout having to provide the motive power to cut the grass.

I decided that the lawns around the garage and greenhouses could left for another day and retired to the house for refreshments.  As I was sat stroking Hobson I noticed a strange little lump on his leg. Initially I thought it was a skin tag, but as I examined it I realised that it was a tick, quite a large tick!

A quick Google session followed, leading to me digging out my old dissection kit and locating a decent pair of tweezers. Hobson was an absolute star and settled quietly so that I could grasp the vile little parasite where its head entered his leg and pluck it off.

They really are an unpleasant creature that is little more than a flabby grey sack about 6mm long with tiny legs and mouthparts at the very tip. I disposed of the tick and checked all of the dogs just in case.

That just about covers Thursday apart from a walk around the Three Miler with Bobyn and this time we managed to remain dry.

I do have a post script relating to an event earlier in the week. I forgot to mention that on Monday I was leaning on the garden gate having a chat with Sheila, who was on her constitutional around the lanes. As we chatted we both heard a familiar, but now infrequent* sound ... we heard a cuckoo calling.  We both commented that neither of us had heard a cuckoo in years and it was lovely to hear one once again.

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* Apparently cuckoo numbers have declined by at least 65% since the 1980s.

Back Story

 This morning I had a check up arranged with my Spinal Consultant at a hospital in Stourport. 

As I got my shit together* a team of roofers arrived to install a dry valley in the junction where the 1970s and 1980s extensions meet with the original cottage roofing.  We have had an intermittent leak in the redundant chimney in the kitchen and our roofer thinks that this will, hopefully, remediate the problem.

I left the roofers to it and headed off for my check up.  The Consultant was pleased with the condition of my back and we agreed that there was no treatment needed at present, other than over the counter painkillers when necessary. I'll see him again in six months, or sooner if it all goes horribly wrong!

At this point I'll bore you with the back story to my bad back ... Sorry, another fucking awful pun.

In early February 2023 30% and I had been out in the garden doing something. I can't, for the life of me remember what the task was, and there ain't much that needs doing at that time of year. Anyway, we finished the now forgotten task and headed back in to the warm where I fell asleep on the sofa.

When I woke about an hour later my back felt dreadful and I put it down to sleeping in an awkward position due to Whiffler taking up more than his fair share of the settee.  I took painkillers and expected the pain to subside over the next 24 hours, but it didn't, it got much worse!

Within the space of 2 days I had gone from being relatively fit and active to being virtually housebound.  The pain was incredible and strangely manifested itself in the lower back and in shooting, burning pain in my left shin. This was so bad that I couldn't stand for more than five minutes and I couldn't walk for more than fifty yards without having to sit down.

Over the next six months I had many consultations with my GP and Physiotherapists. Their approach was to fob me off with ever increasing strengths of pain killers and tell me that it would get better on its own, rather than refer me for any diagnostic tests.  At its worst I was taking nerve blocks and high strength painkillers** that made little impact on the pain. They just made me incapable of staying awake for more than three hours at a time.

At this point I should commend 30% for her patience and care. She kept the whole household on course and did her best to deal with the most miserable, evil tempered patient ever. 

It is fair to say that being immobile and housebound at the age of 59 with no diagnosis or effective treatment plan was incredibly worrying for both of us.

Whilst I was not able to walk very far, I was able to drive so I signed up with a local Chiropractor; had a few sessions and dutifully followed an exercise regime she designed for me.  After a couple of months we realised that there was no significant improvement, so she referred me to a private imaging company in Cheltenham for an MRI scan.

The scan was completed and I was soon in possession of the Consultant Radiologist's report. I now had a diagnosis. I had a bulging disk between the L4 and L5 vertebrae and also foraminal stenosis on the left side of this joint.  Foraminal Stenosis is a degenerative condition and basically means that a nerve branch that exits the spinal column is being pinched ... hence the crippling pain in the left shin.

I now had a diagnosis after 6 months and was able to get referrals*** to see a Consultant.  A number of treatment options were outlined from an epidural with steroids to back surgery involving removal of bone material and the insertion of a titanium cage to support and tie together the offending vertebrae.

It was agreed that we would start with the epidural steroid injection to control the pain. Interestingly as I was going through the arrangements to have this procedure I noticed that my back seemed slightly better. I was moving slightly more easily, I was sleeping through the night and needed to take far fewer pain killers.  

This was around the beginning of September and over the next six or eight weeks I had the epidural and my back pain diminished. By October I was relatively pain free, but incredibly unfit after eight months of inactivity.  From that point on I have been doing my best to regain a degree of fitness and improve my activity.

The outlook is uncertain. My Consultant is very happy with the current state of affairs, but cautions me that there is every chance that the nerve could become inflamed and put me back on my backside again. All I can do is keep as fit as possible and be very sensible when lifting heavy object ... like sleepers for raised beds!

Having finished that health report I'll quickly finish today's activities.

The roofers finished in the early afternoon and 30% and I headed off to Weston Subedge for another load of topsoil. That has now been transferred to the large raised bed and, as predicted, another load will be needed to top it off.

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* I failed at the first hurdle when, about ten minutes from my destination, I realised that I had forgotten my wallet.  I then offered many prayers to the Gods of car parking that the payment machine would be out of order.  I then rationalised that this was an NHS appointment at a private hospital and no private hospital would charge their paying customers!

** Amitriptylene and Tramadol

*** By this point in time I had qualified for the Private Health scheme of my employer

Planting carrots by the weekend?

My main goal for today was to get the final course of sleepers laid on the smaller of the two raised beds. 

Rain was forecast and my preference was to get this done without getting soaked.  It took quite a long time to get these final four half sleepers laid and it seemed to involve a good few trips to the workshop to plane ends square and even shorten one of the buggers by about 10mm. Shortly before lunch I drove the last of the connecting screws in and declared phase one of the job finished.

No sooner had I made this declaration, than 30% was on the 'phone to Budget Skips to make arrangements for us to go and collect a tonne of top soil.*

A quick lunch was eaten and then the trailer was hitched up to the newly taxed Defender.  Within a few minutes we were trundling down the road towards Weston Subedge.  It was quite novel experiencing a waste reclamation facility, including being weighed on the weigh bridge and we were amazed at the size of the enormous bucket loader that made light work of gently tricking three quarters of a tonne** of top soil into our dinky little trailer.

Within the space of ten minutes we were loaded, weighed out and driving home at a very sedate forty miles per hour.

We had prepared the base of the smaller of the raised beds with a layer of home made compost, some grass cuttings from the orchard and a few other compostables that we had to hand. We then spent a quite physical hour transferring the soil from the trailer to the bed.  The small bed swallowed almost all of the load of soil and I estimate that we will need another two loads to get the larger bed filled too.

Having tidied up and put the tools away, we retired for a well earned rest. I think we both just fancied an extended period on the sofa but 30% had arranged to go to an aquafit class and Bobyn was coming over for a walk.

At this point I will direct your attention back to the second paragraph and the comment that "rain was forecast". Bobyn arrived and casually mentioned that it was poring over Evesham way and that she hoped we would miss it ... We didn't!

At the point in our walk where we were furthest from the house, the heavens opened and within minutes we were absolutely soaked.  It was a soggy walk back to the house and we all looked like drowned rats.  There then followed a manic half an hour of dog drying, clothes changing and meal preparation before Hobson, Whiffler, The Rat and I could settle and warm up.

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* Their certified top soil is only about £18 per tonne, but there is an £80 delivery charge.  It didn't take a genius to realise that we had both the time and the equipment to collect the soil ourselves, and save a fair few quid in the process.

** This was our little trailer filled to the brim and it was less than the capacity of the bucket!

A day in bed ...

 or, rather, beds plural, but I am getting ahead of myself, so I'll leave the explanation of that crappy pun for a while.

This morning I was up and at it shortly after eight o'clock. I raked up the long grass from the no-mow May area of the lawn, dragged out the lawn mower and gave it its first cut of the year. We have now moved from no-mow May to it looks fucking awful for most of June.  Basically it takes the best part of a month, or even more, for the lawn to produce a decent sward after being allowed to go wild for a month*.

30% headed out shortly after nine on a variety of errands, including a gossip session intellectual debate with her nail technician.  

I collected up a selection of tools from the shed and workshop and headed out to the vegetable garden where I made a start on the assembly of the raised beds. The first stage was levelling the site and this was done "by eye" with a hoe and rake.**  I then measured up, hammered in a couple of pegs and heaved the first 8' sleeper in to position.  It took a bit of faffing around to ensure that the butt joints lined up correctly, but the use of a couple of hardwood wedges allowed accurate alignment. I can also report that the structural timber screws provided by the sleeper supplier were awesome. My little impact driver made light work of joining the sleepers together.

My overall design is for two raised beds, each is built from two courses of sleepers which will make them about 16" high. One bed is 4' x 8' and the second is 4' x 4'. By the end of the day I had completed the larger bed and laid the first course of sleepers for the smaller bed.

I would have finished the second bed, but 30% reminded me that we were out this evening, so the need for a shower put an end to my garden construction activities for today.

Tonight's entertainment was Pershore Operatic & Dramatic Society's production of Priscilla Queen of the Desert at the No. 8 arts centre in Pershore.  I have to report that the show was absolutely fantastic. The music, the performances, the whole ensemble was outstanding, and as for the costumes ... they were fabulous! We went with a few members of the coven and all of us were amazed at the quality of the production by a dedicated and skilled amateur troupe.

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* It has actually gone wild for 7 or 8 months, since that area of the lawn is far too wet to cut until after May 

** I put a spirit level on the beds, once assembled, and was surprised how close to level I had actually got with only my eye for guidance.

Air Show weekend

 As mentioned on Friday, we are only a few miles from Ragley Hall and it is hosting the Midlands Air Show this weekend.

Since moving to our new house we have realised that the local geography makes the skies above our house the perfect holding area for the aircraft before they make dramatic entrances over the Rageley Estate.  In other words, we get a free close up view of a lot of the aircraft* over the weekend.

It is fast becoming an annual tradition that we have some form of get together over the air show weekend and spend time in the garden drinking, chatting and listening to the thunderous sounds of high velocity jet aircraft. The early June date means that the weather is usually reasonable and, if we are really lucky, absolutely gorgeous.

This weekend we were joined by C&S. They arrived in the afternoon on Saturday in time for the first display flights by the Red Arrows. The afternoon was spend out in the garden drinking tea, chatting and, as the sun passed over the yard arm, a couple of bottles of champagne** were consumed. 

Our dinner was delayed by a short walk to the top of the hill to see if we could catch sight of any balloons. We were in luck and a flight of more than twenty of them could be seen rising over Ragley and heading off  towards the South in the calm evening skies.

Dinner was eaten along with a lot more booze and it was, most definitely, a late one.

Sunday was delightful. The weather was even better than Saturday and we breakfasted out in the garden enjoying the welcome warmth of the early Summer sun. There was a lot more chatting and laughter and in the early afternoon we again wandered to the top of the hill to watch the full display by the Red Arrows.

C&S then headed off home and 30% and I had a lengthy afternoon nap ... we were very, very tired.

As afternoon passed in to evening we decided that we ought to do something. Plants were watered, I split a couple of Pinks (Dianthus) and 30% repotted some Tulips to make space for the Pinks. I also finally cut the area of long grass that is, allegedly, my contribution to no-mow May.***

Tomorrow is looking fine, so I may make a start on the raised beds.

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* The balloon flights depend on the wind direction and sight of them is never guaranteed

** S's alcohol of choice. She does love a bottle of champers. 

*** In actual fact it is just an area of the lawn that is so bloody wet that it can't bear the foot traffic until early June. No-mow May is just an excuse for leaving it long,