Zen and the art of the Conference Call

Down in the Hundred Acre Wood Golfy (aka Tigger) and I have been tidying up before we try to spend a good few days climbing the oaks and sitting in the sun enjoying the almost merged Easter and May Bank Holiday break.

We held a few conference calls and it became apparent how similar they are to the game of Pooh Sticks. Let me explain; firstly to play Pooh Sticks you need a bridge. Bridges are useful things and it became apparent on one of our calls that my job is to build metaphorical bridges. Even though I am apparently working with adults who are capable of looking after themselves they seem to be totally unable to contact people whose names they know without me formally introducing them and making the initial contact for them. For God's sake this is a truly archaic situation where I am required to chaperone or match-make these initial meetings. So there you have it building the bridges so we can play Pooh Sticks.

Now once we get the conference call up and running you learn that a stick has two ends; a nice end and a not so nice end - hence the name of the game; Pooh Sticks. On a conference call you need to understand the rules so that you always end up with the pleasant end of the stick. A few key tips are as follows:-

• always draft the actions/minutes. It might seem like a slog but you get to put your particular slant on the narrative and get to allocate the actions
• always ask for feedback on the accuracy of you minutes/actions. No-one ever responds so your view of the world must therefore be unquestionably accurate. After all, no-one asked for changes
• always try to host the call and summarise the actions and be sure to allocate the tricky ones to other invitees. I am, after all, a bear with very little brain
• always be at the front of the queue to accept the straightforward actions. You may have ten of them but if you can clear them before elevenses it leaves the rest of the day free for Hunny Sandwiches or planning an Easter Woozle Hunt.

Follow these key tips and you will always end up with the pleasant end of the stick and everyone else will soon learn why the game is called Pooh Sticks.

What do you mean, you thought it was about the first one to get their stick under the bridge? For Christ's sake if you are hunting Nelifunt you need to be playing advanced Pooh Sticks.