Sorting out the drainage in the lower field*

A while back I'm fairly certain that I mentioned that we had arranged for a drainage contractor to come in and improve the very basic ditch that attempts to cope with the rain that runs off the large arable field upslope of the cottage.

Well, after several delays, he finally turned up about a fortnight ago, advised that the ground was now far too wet and that his excavator would totally trash the garden. Basically we would have to suck it up until the garden dried out a bit, or we had a very heavy frost.

It is fair to say that we were somewhat annoyed pissed off by the situation a) because the delays were caused by the contractor, not us and b) because we made crystal fucking clear just how wet the garden became once the Autumn rains arrived.

As I thought more about the work he proposed to do, I became less convinced by his drainage solution, so we called in another local company to have a look, let us know their proposals and give us a price. This morning the company representative arrived and I talked him through the draining and damp issues we were experiencing and felt much more comfortable with his proposal.

For example, I asked about when they would be able to perform the work as the ground could get very wet and could end up looking like The Somme. I was reassured that they will use mini diggers and ground mats to prevent that very problem. He also confirmed that his equipment will be able to access the orchard via the gate rather than having to smash its way through the hedge.

We're waiting to see what their quote looks like, but am almost certain that Contractor A will be told we no longer require his services.

In other news, Hobson and Whiffler spent their day at the dog groomers and arrived home looking absolutely splendid.  The recent spell of mild, rain free weather has dried out the grass and I was able to spend a merry hour mowing the lawns at the rear of the cottage. I also managed to make a start on a little project in the workshop.**.  30% has got us booked in at the local surgery for our travel vaccinations and our neighbour's son has agreed to look after the chickens while we are in Egypt ... it's all coming together!

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* "Oh, if you could Ted ... yes, thank you.  Do you like Tina Turner, Ted?"

** A rather fine piece of rustic elm is being transformed in to a lamp

The answer is four pairs

 The day started with me continuing the archeological excavation of the bottom of the wardrobe.

I did not find the secret door to Narnia, but I did find footwear that I'd forgotten I owned,* and that hadn't been worn in many, many years.

They were all dusted down and the rest of the day was spent giving them a coat of polish, or the appropriate treatments for suede and waxed leather.

At the end I took stock and accurately reported to 30% that I only have four pairs of shoes.  She witnessed the array of footwear spread across the bedroom floor and spluttered something along the lines of "this is verging on ridiculous, you are not buying anymore bloody shoes"! 

I suppose the twelve pairs of boots, two pairs of sandals and the new pair of Josef Siebel mules might be what pushed her to this irrational response.

It's probably a good job I didn't point out the two pairs of Wellingtons and the Sidi motorcycle boots that hadn't been included in this audit of my footwear collection.

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* The suede desert boots, the sandals and the loafers will be useful for the upcoming Aswan trip.

How many pairs?

 I decided that I deserved another lazy day, so don't be expecting anything at all from today's entry.

Basically it was a masterclass in unproductive pottering. I managed to effectively fill an entire day with virtually nothing to show for it all. That, I suppose, is an achievement in itself.

It has been a few weeks since I last walked the Three Miler with Bobbyn and, today, we finally got our collective acts together and managed to walk the dogs. B has taken this week off work, so we walked in the late morning and then lunched together. 

After B's departure 30% and I decided that a snooze was in order and a sizeable chunk of the early afternoon was consumed by that activity.

I then decided that doing nothing is quite challenging and looked for a something productive to do. I had recently cleaned my walking boots and today's walk down the filthy lanes had left them looking like they hadn't been cleaned in weeks. I therefore decided that I would dig out all of my shoes and give them a polish.

Unfortunately I had forgotten how many pairs of shoes and boots I own.* This is going to take a day or two to complete.

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* I love buying shoes. I am a shoe addict. 30% and I think it is possibly because they offer instant gratification. Let me explain; I have an odd body shape and trousers always need to be shortened and I prefer to buy custom shirts that have a shorter sleeve length, rather than off the peg items. The result is that  there is always a delay between buying trousers or shirts and actually being able to wear them. Shoes, however, are a different matter all together. I buy them and can wear them straight away ... basically instant retail gratification.

Sods Law

You really could not make this up!

After weeks of hard work on the hedges, we looked out this morning and saw a tractor pull up at the gate to the neighbouring pasture. Within minutes it was trundling around the field boundaries beating the overgrown hedges into submission with a flail cutter.

As is says in title of today's entry; "Sods Law!"

Now I appreciate that we would still have had a huge amount of work to do, but if the hedge cutting contractor had turned up at the beginning of the month he would have taken the top out of about 75 yards of hedging that borders our gardens ... That is not an insignificant amount.

Ho hum, I'll take an optimistic perspective on this and note that the hedging contractor has removed the few, but irritating out-of-reach stems that I had not been able to cut. The job is finally finished.

In other news; Dog #4 aka The Rat was taken for a follow-up appointment at the Vet's. She is fine and can return to being her normal self.* Interestingly the vet suggested that a dose of paracetamol** could be administered if her back injury flares up again.

As for me, I did very little for the rest of the day. The past few weeks have been quite intensive and we both felt that we deserved a rest.

30% took this to extremes by booking a holiday and I can report that we will be spending a week in Aswan later on in November. I cannot wait.

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* That being, spending all day snoozing on a bed and then leaping around like a pig on springs when there seems to be a chance of a walk.

** One half of a 500mg tablet for a dog her size. 

Finished!

We've finally finished cutting the hedges. Well, for this year anyway!

No home should be without one

For the past two days I have been mostly stood at the business end of this little monster, feeding it the huge amount of brash that we had accumulated in the orchard and garden. 

brash, in British English, noun.  loose rubbish, such as broken rock, hedge clippings, etc; debris 

30% and I finally finished early on Sunday afternoon and the pumpkin patch is now home to an enormous pile of shredded wood, leaves and stems.

We started work on the hedges at the beginning of the month and have been hard at every day, except when it was pissing down with rain, or a family funeral needed to be attended. I've already mentioned that the hedges hadn't been cut for at least two years and needed at leat 6' of material taking off the top of them. 

We have dealt with branches up to 4" in diameter and covered with evil spines that are 2" long. As for the brambles, don't mention the brambles! They were twisting, branching stems up to 20' long with thorns that snag and grab at everything; your arms, your legs. They do their best to hinder every attempt to cut them, gather them and feed them in to the shredder. It almost became a vendetta to deal with the bloody things!

Our hands and legs are scratched and, despite gloves, splinter removal became a nightly occupation, but we have finally finished. 250 yards of agricultural hedging has been tamed and shredded.

This evening we celebrated this massive achievement with a Chinese takeaway. as neither of us had the energy to cook.

It's been a busy couple of days ...

and I don't expect the weekend to be any quieter.

Let me explain. Having finished the hedge cutting, I spent Thursday morning tidying up my workshop. It had become a dumping ground for hedge cutters, chargers and fuel cans and these were put away.

I then headed over to Bromsgrove to pick up poultry food and wood shavings from the agricultural supplies store  and then on to the Industrial Estate, where I collected a couple of oil filled heaters. 

One of the bedrooms in the cottage has a fitted wardrobe that can become a little damp during the Winter months. We hatched a plan to install a couple of low wattage, oil filled heaters to see whether that helped alleviate the issue.

It will be no surprise that the afternoon was spent installing the two heaters.

Moving on to Friday, I headed in to Redditch straight after breakfast and picked up a few electrical supplies from the DIY store. On my return I headed back to the bedroom and spent a couple of hours sorting out the electrical supply for the two heaters ... let's hope they work.

In the early afternoon the local hire company's delivery driver arrived with the shredder. We have hired it for the weekend and hope to deal with the huge piles of hedge cuttings* that currently decorate the property.  The driver gave me a comprehensive walk through of the machine. It is a tracked, self propelled machine capable of, allegedly, dealing with branched up to 3" in diameter. If it is as good as it is described, it will be perfect for the material we need to shred and the fact that it will need to be manoeuvred up in to the orchard.

30% and I then spent the next couple of hours working through the first pile of cuttings and familiarising ourselves with the shredder. It seems to work well and, at the end of our first session, we filled a builder's bulk bag. Allegedly this is close to a cubic metre of mulched material for use in the garden next year.

As the light started to fade we headed indoors and got ourselves clean and tidy. We had arranged to meet up with a few members of the coven for a Thai buffet at one of the local pubs ... I really wish that we hadn't bothered. The food was average at best, not particularly warm and the group at the next table were so loud that we couldn't hear each other speak.

A group decision was made not to linger at the pub, so we were home before nine o'clock and asleep not long after that. As I said in the first line of today's entry "I don't expect the weekend to be any quieter".

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* I was going to use the word "trimmings" here, but that doesn't describe 6' to 8' long branches that are easily wrist sized at the thick end and covered in evil thorns!

I'm not planning anything beyond Thursday

I opened my underwear drawer this morning and there were only two pairs of underpants remaining. Normally this drawer is crammed with them, so I am taking this as an ominous portent. Clearly I will not be needing pants* after tomorrow, hence the title of today's Journal entry.

This morning started with a trip in to Alcester to drop off a jar of honey and a pack of home cured bacon for Nelson at the bakery. I received a freshly baked sausage roll in exchange and walked away thinking that he had got the better part of that deal. 

On the way home I filled up a can of petrol at the local petrol station, as this was needed to fuel the long-reach hedge cutter.

Back at home, I mixed up a litre of 40:1 two stroke mix fuel and refilled the hedge cutter. The rest of the day was spent up in the orchard, where I finally finished the last length of hedge.

There may be a couple of hard-to-reach twigs that still need lopping, but we can now see out in all directions.

As I have now finished this monumental task I wonder if I am now surplus to requirements ... hence the empty underwear drawer.

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* or anything else that is essential to life, such as air, water, comestibles, a well organised workshop and so on ...

The end is in sight

 It was another day of hedge cutting, but, as it says in the title of today's Journal entry, "the end is in sight". 

The final length of hedge is up in the orchard, bordering the upslope, arable field and is about thirty five yards long. It is mostly hawthorn with the occasional elder, holly and ash tree and, like all of the other boundary hedges, hasn't been cut for a couple of years.

It needed a good five or six feet taken out of the top of it and, using a short ladder, loppers and the long reach hedge cutter, I have completed about two thirds of it and I plan to finish it tomorrow.

Obviously our pile of brash grow bigger daily and 30% has arranged the hire of a wood chipper for the upcoming weekend to deal with it.  So no prizes for guessing what Saturday and Sunday's entries will be about.

The only other thing to report is that we spent the evening meeting a lady who boards dogs.  We both quite fancy a few days of Winter sun and, obviously, the dogs will need to be looked after while we are away.* The meeting went well and Whiffler, Hobson and The Rat all got on well with her dogs. 

All we need to do now is fill out her forms and find out when she has availability for them.

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* The chickens will too, but that is relatively easy. I am fairly sure that the son of one of our neighbours will do that for a few quid.

Quote for the day

"I think I have had near fatal vegetable poisoning. That's my third visit to intensive care this morning!"

First thing this morning Dog#4 was taken in to the Vets. She developed severe stress symptoms yesterday evening and was not a happy girl. The vets think that she has hurt her back and we came home with enough sedatives and painkillers to calm an enraged Kodiak bear. 

This is an ongoing problem with The Rat, as these symptoms tend to flare up every couple of months. Normally they subside within a few hours, but this is one of the worst occasions. Fortunately she is now resting relatively peacefully* on one of the beds.

I spent the rest of the day hedge cutting and can report that the best view on the house has now been restored. This involved trespassing in to the neighbouring fields with my long reach hedge cutter, and taking out the growth that could not be reached from our property.

I've included a snap. It's not a great picture, but it shows the simple but lovely view.

Clean windows would have improved it!

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* Or, more likely, is off her tits on doggy painkillers and is dreaming of God knows what!

Nothing, nada, zilch

 There is nothing to see here.

After a hectic and emotionally draining week I did very little today. Vegetables were dug from the garden for dinner and I assisted 30% by rolling and timing a stuffed breast of lamb joint.

I made a minor modification to a little stand that supports one of the poultry drinkers and that is just about it.

Back on the hedges tomorrow ... sad face emoji!

I know I've lapsed again ...

but I've had one hell of a week!

For Christ's Sake, I've cremated my father, attended his younger sister's funeral and wake, been to two gigs and lost a dear friend. I think it's fair to say that we have had a fair amount of shit to deal with over the past few days.

I'll now attempt to fill in a few gaps and get back on track.

Wednesday, 16th October, 2024

I know that I've already covered Wednesday's events but I also managed to complete the first draft of my tax return.  For some reason I procrastinate for months and then, when I finally get my act together, it is far more straightforward than I expect it to be. The draft has been now forwarded to our "chap"* for his approval before I submit it to my former employer HM Revenue & Customs.**

We also and an "intimate evening with Martin Fry" at the Palace Theatre Redditch. For those of you who are unfamiliar with 1980's pop, Martin was the lead singer with ABC and he was touring to promote a recently written autobiography. The evening was a mix of conversation and acoustic versions of some of his hits. It was interesting to find out more about the man and band and his voice is still good. The only observation I would make is that ABC's music was known for it's huge orchestral arrangements and Trevor Horn's production. Acoustic versions are always going to sound a little lacking.

I bought ABC's Lexicon of Love when it was first released back in the 1980s. I still have the vinyl LP and a CD version too. The songs have been part of my life's soundscape for the past forty years and several of them are present on my current MP4 playlists.

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* Our chap is our Financial Advisor. In the final stages of my employment with the Neat & Tidy Piano Movers I discovered that my employer would part-finance the engagement of a Financial Advisor. A very good friend recommended a firm that they had used for many years and we made the call. That was back in April 2023 and we have been amazed at the services they have provided. One of the best days of my life was when we had a consultation after their initial analysis of our finances and expenditure. They simply advised "You don't need to work any more, Badman"

** I was employed by the Inland Revenue SFO from October 1987 through until December 1998. SFO sounds exciting; Serious Fraud Office? Nope, it was the Superannuation Funds Office back in 1987. It was forced to change its name to the Pension Schemes Office so that the Serious Fraud Office could use the acronym ... true story!

Thursday, 17th October, 2024

The plan for today was to take it easy,

I managed to stick with that for about an hour and then headed out to the garden to attack the hedge that borders the arable field upslope of the cottage. The local farmer's hedging contractor had failed to cut the hedges bordering the property and the best view from the house* is becoming obscured by 14' of hawthorn. The farmer indicated that he would get the contractor to return and finish the job, but I doubt the hedge will be cut until Autumn, next year.

I therefore assembled tools and ladders and started to hack a good six or seven feet off the top of the hedge. I still have plenty more to do, but was pleased with the improvement.

The reason for attempting to have a lazy day was that we were out at Warwick Arts Centre this evening. Rhod Gilbert was performing his Rhod Gilbert & the Giant Grapefruit tour and we were joined by Bubbles and Bobbyn.

Rhod's set was based on his recent experiences with head and neck cancer and it was brilliant. It was both hysterical and touching and delivered at an almost manic pace. We loved it and it was definitely needed after the stresses of Tuesday and Wednesday.

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* The best view from the house: This is debatable, but a prime contender is the view when sat on the lavatory in the bathroom.  The view is over an arable field that is uphill of the cottage. The local geography is such that the horizon is only about 150 yards distant. The view is therefore very simple, but very effective. The foreground is a single field that varies from rich brown earth in the late Autumn, fresh green shoots in the Spring and then, as Summer comes, the strident yellow of oil seed rape or, slightly later, wheat and barley turning a dusty gold before harvest. The skyline is punctuated by the silhouettes of a few overgrown hawthorns and all of this is surmounted by the ever-changing sky. The view is eastward, so each morning it is lit by the rising sun and the rising moon greets us in the evening.

Friday, 18th October, 2024

Today was the funeral of my aunt. I'm not one for football analogies, but it felt like a friendly match after the intensity of Tuesday.

Polite conversations were enjoyed at the wake and we used the dogs as an excuse to make our way home midway through the afternoon.

As I reflect on the past week I do wonder if I will encounter any of my family again. This is not as sad as it seems. Over the years we have drifted away and formed new bonds and friendship groups. I have my own family and no problems filling my time. I don't think I miss them. In fact, the thought of being with them quite unsettles me. I wonder if it because they seem to think they have the right to openly judge?

On the subject of new bonds and friendships, we spent the evening with B&H. One might think that a quiet night in might be prescribed after this week, but it was exactly what the doctor ordered. H had cooked a simple, but splendid dinner and we enjoyed laughs and wine with caring and unpretentious company. They are treasured friends.

Saturday, 19th October, 2024

A couple of weeks ago 30% informed me that I was to attend a baking course at the Butter Street Bakery in Alcester.

Basically it was originally a gift for TP,* but his work schedule had not allowed him to attend, so I was his substitute. In all honesty, I didn't really want to go and felt almost coerced to attend. However it was a fun day and Nelson was a charming and lively instructor.

Some of the baking was done in pairs and other items were made individually. I came away having baked a small white loaf, a brioche loaf, a focaccia, a couple of croissants, four pain au chocolat and a couple of cruffins. 

The Defender smelt divine on the journey home.

30% had made chilli con carne for dinner and the olive and sage focaccia was the perfect accompliment.

The other big new for today was that 30% had managed to sell the nine young chickens. We are now a hundred quid better off and only have the birds up in the orchard coop to care for. 

I plan to do nothing tomorrow, apart from letting the chickens out and feeding them!

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* TP is my son; The Progeny and 30% is my wife and better half. I'm not sure why she has become 30%, but, as I have grown to know her over the years, one explanation could be that it is the amount of any task that remains unfinished. She is not a completer/finisher!

A thought on yesterday's funeral

Yesterday's funeral was as is to be expected. Somber expressions, polite smiles, generally dark attire, and positive thoughts and memories about the recently departed.

I am embarrassed to admit that I easily recognised Paul and Carol, my Father's neighbours, but totally failed to identify my second cousin; Judith and friend from my teen years; Winnet.*  Fortunately they were both very kind, saw my lack of recognition and saved any further embarrassment by introducing themselves.

One recurring conversation throughout yesterday was that everyone I spoke to said that there was no mistaking who my Father was and that I was his spitting image.

I'm not really sure how to take this, as I was being repeatedly told that I looked very much like the ninety two year old, lying in an oak coffin at the front of the crematorium!

Only the other day a young lady at the Ophthalmology clinic commented that I didn't look sixty. Fuck me I must have aged in the past few days!

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* This is clearly not her real name, but a cruel nickname assigned to her nearly forty five years ago.  It is a corruption of her surname and has a most unpleasant meaning in these parts. We all found it hysterical at the time and it's still mildly amusing now.

A sad day.

 Today was a sad day. We lost the Wordle Witch. A few days ago she was her normal, smiling, vivacious self, and now she's gone. 

30% and the rest of the coven are, understandably, devastated. And, although my friendship with her was nowhere near as deep, I shall miss her greatly. She was bright, witty and had a permanently sunny disposition. She couldn't help laughing, even when she was extremely annoyed.

I'll always know her as the Wordle Witch, over our shared addiction to the daily word puzzle, now owned and published by the New York Times.  She once made the careless admission that she had used a crossword solver website to conclude one of the Wordle puzzles. Forever after I used to taunt her that she "cheats at Wordle".

She was a permanent ray of sunshine and I hope my memories of her never fade.

Catching Up

Apologies, it's been a few days since I last made an entry in the Journal. Here is a half-arsed attempt to cover the events of the last four days.

Saturday, 12th October, 2024

This was the third early start that week. 

I had arranged to go fishing down at Severnstoke with Bubbles, so I was out of bed at five and on the road before six o'clock that morning.  We had a pleasant few hours on the bank, chatting and catching up with each others' news and this time was untroubled by the presence of barbel, or any other fish species for that matter! We had a few nibble, but neither of us managed to bring anything in towards the bank.

We packed up our tackle early in the afternoon and headed home. I needed a restorative kip before getting myself clean and tidy for a charity fund raising event over at Edgbaston Cricket Ground. It was for the Giles Trust and was themed around the film Grease. We had a great time, including beautiful food, good company and rather too much red wine!

Sunday, 13th October, 2024

Sunday was, shall we say, a rather lazy day after yesterday's activities and alcohol. My most strenuous activity was to dig up the last of the Charlotte potatoes and cut a cabbage from the veg patch.

TP arrived late in the afternoon and would be home until tomorrow afternoon, so 30% "killed the fatted calf" and assembled a huge Sunday dinner for us, including produce from the vegetable garden.

We, obviously, spent the time together catching up with each others' news and plans for the coming days.

Monday, 14th October, 2024

It wasn't the most cheerful* of days, so I decided to have an indoors day. I dug up a celeriac from the garden and spent a good chunk of the morning making celeriac soup for lunch.

30% headed out in the early afternoon to see her Nail Technician and deliver one of our pumpkin crop.** I took another lengthy snooze and spent further time with TP before he headed off home to Cardiff, via a friends in Worcester.

My main activity this evening was to dig out a suit and accompanying apparel suitable for tomorrow's funeral.

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* The day took a turn for the worse when we heard that the Wordle Witch had been taken seriously ill over the weekend and was currently in intensive care with her family around her.  We are both shocked and dismayed that such a vivacious, funny and mischievous friend is so suddenly and so gravely ill. 

** We did very little to our pumpkin plants after getting them established up in the orchard at the end of May and they have done really well. They produced vigorous vines and we ended up with seven good sized fruit. 30% advertised these locally  and all seven have been sold for carving at Halloween.

Tuesday, 15th October, 2024

Today was not one I was looking forward to and any my primary goal was to get to the end of it without throwing a hissy fit or biting anyone's head off.

I did actually manage to achieve these objectives by employing 30% as a human shield. She did a magnificent job of interjecting herself between me and most of my family and made perfect small talk. I could, therefore, avoid exchanging meaningless chatter, in fact avoid any conversation at all.

The service was pretty much as expected, as the Celebrant had lifted most of her eulogy from my Dad's brief memoir. So, no surprises there.*

The wake was held at a local pub and, again, I managed to avoid small talk with my immediate family and, instead, caught up with J** and his mother's partner Ana. We stayed as long as necessary to be polite and, after a brief goodbyes, headed back to our little sanctuary.

I'll see all of them again at Friday's funeral, hopefully that will be no worse than today.

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* My cousin "J" had been at his father's funeral the day before and commented that it was the same Celebrant and she used exactly the same final reflections in both ceremonies.  I had to pity J, he had his father's funeral yesterday, his uncle's today and his mother's will be held on Friday ... his 53rd Birthday! 

He did see a slightly humorous side to this unfortunate week. He had attempted to hire a suit for three funerals from Moss Bros and was told "no mate, you need to buy one"

** I last saw J back in 2000. At the time he was living in Mahahual on the Yucatan peninsula in Mexico and I escorted his mum out there on a visit to track him down. It was quite an adventure and, perhaps, on a quiet day I should add a few tales from that trip.

That looks a lot better

 I am, in equal measure, both amazed and dismayed at the ability of growing chickens to create mess!

I have already recounted the fact that they will willingly crap in their food and water receptacles and, despite being caged, they can spread food, moulted feathers and excrement for a considerable radius beyond their cage.  They also produce a fine, grey, powdery dust that settles on every surface in the space where they are reared. They are very messy indeed!

This morning I fed and let out the chickens in the coop up in the orchard and then wandered down to the storeroom to feed and water the younger growers.

The storeroom was an absolute bomb site of poultry related debris and, if I am honest, didn't smell too pleasant either.  Enough was enough, it was time to sort out this fucking mess.* 

Phase 1 was to put the three older Crested Cream Legbar pullets in a cardboard box and take them up to the orchard. This went smoothly and they were soon looking a little bemused at being in a large outside run with eight Marans and Norfolk Greys.

I then returned to the storeroom and implemented phase 2.  The brooder box, that held the legbar pullets, was carefully dismantled and the waste was dumped in the bin. I then spent the remainder of the morning vacuuming up the mess on the storeroom floor.

I appreciate that I still have a cage with nine growers in the store room, but it smells a lot better in there and I can get to my fishing tackle without having to shimmy past a brooder box.

The storeroom was a lot more pleasant by lunch time and first task of the afternoon was to head out and collect a prescription for 30%.** I killed a couple of birds with a single stone and headed up to Astwood Bank to pick up a few essentials for tomorrow's fishing trip while I was out.

On my return, I implemented phase 3 of my plan and spent an hour, or so, scrubbing the brooder box with a disinfectant solution. It was then left in the sun to dry.

After all of that I plan to do very little other than make a packed lunch for tomorrow and ensure that I have all of my fishing stuff packed in the Defender.

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* I have a plan to sell on our surplus growers at the weekly Stratford upon Avon poultry auction. During my research of upcoming sales I learnt that it has recently become mandatory for all poultry keepers to register the fact that they are keeping chickens with the relevant Government department.  I would need to register the fact that I was a keeper, before I would be able to sell the birds. 

One of the first jobs this morning was to get the form filled in and emailed off to DEFRA, Animal and Plant Health Agency (APHA). 

** A request instruction was received via WhatsApp this morning.

Another early start

 Today featured another early start.

I had an appointment at the Ophthalmology Clinic over at Worcester Royal and needed to be out of the house at about half past seven.  This meant that I was whizzing around in the pre-dawn darkness emptying dogs and ensuring that the chickens were fed and watered.

It was a bloody good job that I sorted out the dogs and chickens because it was half past eleven before I made it back home.

The appointment was thorough and informative and it appears that I do not need laser surgery, but have finally been provided with a more accurate diagnosis and treatment plan.*  The only negative aspect of this morning's outpatient appointment was the forty five minute wait for the hospital pharmacy to dispense the requisite steroids. This was somewhat surprising as the pharmacy was filled with busy little pharmacists and dispensers and there were only a couple of outpatients waiting. I appreciate that the inpatients also require drugs but I just can't fathom why it took so long when there were so many staff and so few customers in the pharmacy?

Mind you, this is my view of most of the NHS. It seems to have loads of people doing stuff and an even greater number of people just wandering around and chatting. As a final point I will mention that the UK Quality Care Commission assesses this hospital as Requiring Improvement! Not exactly confidence inspiring, is it?

The afternoon descended in to several hours of laziness, including a snooze and a bit of binge watching. I eventually got my shit together late in the afternoon and took the dogs out for a walk and finished raking up the hedge clippings in the front garden.

There you go, that was Thursday.

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* For several months I have been treated by an NHS Service Provider. In other words, a private company that performs straightforward clinical services on behalf of the NHS. A cataract factory! The consultant I saw today has finally pointed me in the right direction if my eye condition doesn't improve.

What time is it?

 That was my first utterance this morning.

Apparently it is a husband's duty to ferry his wife and her crony to the Airport.*  So, this morning I was shaken from my bed shortly after five o'clock and heading towards Birmingham Airport, via Alcester, at six o'clock sharp.  30% and "M" are off to Amsterdam for a three day mini-break and I was the sucker that had to endure Birmingham's rush hour, motorway traffic in the dark. The drive wasn't actually too bad, although I doubt the sanity of anyone who would want to commute on the M42.**  

The airport run took about ninety minutes and, once home, I ministered to the chickens and took the dogs for a quick walk down the lane.

I then got back in to the car and headed over to Evesham to make floral arrangements for next week's funeral. This was quite straightforward and I have to say it is quite lovely that absolutely no-one wants to be a pain in the arse when you are referencing bereavement and funeral arrangements.  If people can be that nice, why do they default to being complete arseholes for most of their lives?

Anyway, flowers sorted ... CHECK ✅. 

Next I headed over to Redditch to purchase chicken food and a few fishing tackle essentials for Saturday's expedition to the Severn. Again, I was successful although these errands consumed virtually all of the morning.

The early start caught up with me after lunch and I have to report that an extended snooze took place. I then headed up to the orchard and topped up the bees' feeders before getting busy in the kitchen. A large bowl of tomatoes was converted to tomato soup before I took the dogs out for another short walk along th lane.

So that sums up Wednesday. In retrospect it looks like I didn't get much done, but it felt like I was on the go for virtually all of the day ... apart from the minutes when my eyes were shut!

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* The interesting point about this statement is that, whilst it may be my duty to take them to the airport, it is most definitely NOT the crony's husband's duty to pick them up when they return on Friday. When the crony was asked whether her husband would perform this task she replied "Oh no, Steve wouldn't do that".

** Today's local television news reported that it has been rated as the worst motorway in the UK. 

Rain stopped play ... eventually

My plan for today was to continue hedge cutting, focussing up in the orchard.

However ... there's always a "however" isn't there. A little fact or incident that puts paid to my original plans and diverts me to some other shit. Today's "however" was that I planned to make a start on the hedges in the orchard HOWEVER I noticed that 30% had left scatterings of hedge cuttings all over the place* and these needed to be raked up.

So, other than nipping out to Redditch for some building sand, my main accomplishment was the raking and piling up of hedge clippings. 

The rain came in about midway through the afternoon and I didn't fancy a soaking, so I spent a lazy afternoon indoors doing very little.  I like to call this "planning".

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* One example of this madness** was that she had raked up the clippings from one side of a hedge and had then moved on to another hedge, not bothering with the other side of the first hedge.

** I am a completer/finisher. She is more of a starter and let some other idiot finish the job, because she's moved on to something more interesting. My wife is something of a mental butterfly.

Guess what I've been up to?

 Yep, no surprises here!

Monday was exactly like the preceding four days, more hedge cutting. Today I managed to cut the hedges at the front of the property, bordering the lane, and also the hedge alongside of the garden, bordering the arable field upslope of the cottage.

As I was working I heard the hedging contractor in a field just down the road and hoped that today's duties would include the hedges bordering the cottage ... unfortunately that was not to be. He actually tried the gate to the little pasture, but it was bloody locked and he disappeared off to do another field ... Fuck!

Anyway, I can't make hedge cutting in any way interesting, so I'll move on to the equally unexciting subject of potatoes. Back in July I planted a row of second crop potatoes. The Charlotte variety flowered a couple of weeks back and the foliage has now died away. I therefore decided to dig up a couple of plants and see how they have done.

Second Crop Potatoes. var: Charlotte

It is fair to say that the crop isn't huge and I needed to dig three or four plants for a meal.  We had them with home grown carrots and runner beans and roast pork this evening and they tasted superb. 

In retrospect, I have had far better crops with Spring planted, second early potatoes, but I wasn't able to get them in the ground this year as a result of very wet soil and other issues with the veg patch in the Spring.

However, the Maris Peer are still in the ground and looking very healthy. Fingers crossed that they produce a better crop.

On a mission

The past few days have been exhausting, and, as a consequence, any downtime has been spent slumped on the sofa rather than making entries in The Journal.

Let me explain.  The cottage has about three hundred yards of hedging. This is not your suburban, domestic 4' high privet or laurel hedging. This is your agricultural, 6' high, 6' wide, hawthorn and bramble, a cow aint getting through that hedging. It is thick. It is nasty and it is time to cut it back.

Most farmers use a tractor and flail hedge cutter to keep their field boundaries in order. Unfortunately access issues prevent their use at the cottage, so I need to resort to loppers and a variety of chainsaws and hedge cutters. 

To make matters worse, I was unable to cut the hedges last year due to my bad back and the farmer, whose land borders the cottage, didn't cut his side of them either. As a result the 6' high hedges now sport vigorous shoots reaching 14' skyward. 

It is going to be a bastard of a job and, with a fine spell of weather forecast, it is time to make a start.

Thursday, 3rd October. 2024

This morning started with a trip to the Vets as Whiffler was due his inoculations. Since we were out and about, we decided to head over to The Valley in Evesham and pick up a few terracotta pots. These will be needed for the tulip and dwarf iris bulbs that we picked up at the RHS Autumn Show last Sunday. 

We were home by lunchtime and, after eating, I headed out to make a start on the hedges. I decided to ease myself in to the task and started on the short length that borders the back lawn and the orchard.  This hedge had been laid a couple of years ago, so it was in good shape and needed little more than a good cut. Having said that, there was still four or five feet of growth that needed to be taken out of the top of it and the wild rose at one end was vicious.

After an hour or so I stood back and surveyed my effort and was reasonably pleased. It was now time to start on the hedges that border the property. These are monsters. I decided to make a start on the one that borders the neighbouring pasture, as this currently throws a lot of shade on the greenhouses and the veg patch.

First I used my electric hedge cutter to take back the growth on our side of the hedge. Then I grabbed a short ladder and set it against the hedge. It was now slow progress using loppers to take out the 8' high shoots of Ash, Hawthorn and Elder* as these are far too big for a hedge cutter. After clearing the larger shoots, I was finely able to use my petrol long-reach hedge cutter to level out the top of the hedge.

It was slow progress and I estimate that I can complete about five yards of hedging in an hour. At the end of day #1, I reckon that I had cut about forty or fifty yards of hedging and poor 30% had created a mountain of brash up in the orchard.

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* That is 8' above the top of the hedge. These shoots are a couple of inches in diameter at the point I was cutting them!

Friday, 4th October, 2024

It was hedging all day today. I continued the hedge bordering the pasture downslope of the cottage. This is probably close to fifty years in length and gets challenging, as twenty yards of the hedge runs behind the outbuildings. It has almost completely filled the 6' gap between the hedge and the back of the building, so clearing the overgrowth was tricky in such a confined space.

It took all day to clear about thirty yards of hedging* and my hands have been cut to ribbons by thorns, despite stout leather gloves and equipment that does its best to distance the user from the hedge.

I just hope that the farmer gets his contractor to cut the hedges in the pasture, as the ragged edge on his side really messes with the completer/finisher in me!

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* This 30 yards included the ten or fifteen yards of copper beech hedging that forms a break between the front and rear gardens. The beech hedging was an absolute breeze to cut in comparison to the thorn filled. field hedging.

Saturday, 5th October, 2024

This morning saw me, bright and early, down at the local surgery for my flu and covid inoculations. As I wandered back to the car I realised that my left arm was going to be really sore later on, from both the injections and a day of hedge cutting.

I guess I managed about four or five hours on the hedges before I decided that I needed a change. I dragged the lawn mower out of the shed and spent a few hours tidying up the lawns around the house.  Mowing seemed like a positive picnic after the slog of the past three days.

Sunday, 6tth October, 2024

Guess what? Yep, another day working on the hedges. I finally finished the stretch behind the outbuildings and 30% has had the genius idea of hiring an industrial shredder to convert the cuttings in to mulch for use on the garden. We have used one previously, when we lived at The Pile, and they are absolutely brilliant tools.

We also had some potentially good news from our neighbouring farmer. 30% received a text message advising that his hedge cutting contractor will hopefully be attending to the hedges around the cottage in the near future.

I bloody hope so, because that will reduce my work by a massive amount.

A mildly frustrating morning

 This morning I had a plan.

I needed to go and pick up a bag of chicken food from the local feed store and decided to try to kill several birds with one stone.*  I grabbed a parcel that needed to be posted and a honey bucket that needed to be returned to Pete the beekeeper.

Smugly I mentally ticked off items on my to do list as I clambered in to the Land Rover and set off towards the village post office. Unfortunately I had messed up my astronomical, floral and faunal observations and the bloody place was closed. "No worries" I thought, as I had a vague recollection of there being a post office close to the feed store.

As I drove over to Redditch I caught sight of the post office just before I turned in to the feed store, where I learnt that they were out of growers pellets. Apparently a chap had come in on Monday and bought their entire stock.  My first thought was "bollocks", but an optimism neuron fired and I realised that, at least, I could get the damned parcel posted.

Two minutes later I was heading towards feed store #2 in Feckenham,* where I was politely informed that they only stock layers pellets. 

Arseholes! Our supplies were very low and I couldn't recall experiencing a situation like this in all the years we have kept poultry.  I grabbed my phone and gave feed store #3, over at Bromsgrove, a call. Their customer service was brilliant, as they confirmed that they had growers pellets and even went to check the stock levels.  I was delighted that I had located a supply, but then needed to drive another ten miles to collect the feed.

In all my forty minute errand took all fucking morning, I'd driven twice as far as I had planned and I failed to return Beekeeper Pete's honey bucket.

The afternoon was slightly more productive, as I managed to prepare, blanch and freeze two of the celeriac stems that I dug yesterday.

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* It's probably worth stressing that this errand should have taken forty minutes at most ... forty minutes, less than an hour, not very long at all really.

** minus the parcel

Goblin Fruit #2

 It was another soggy day and, again, I did my best to stay out of the rain and chilly wind.

I did, however, spend the best part of an hour outside harvesting five of my celeriac plants. They have grown beautifully over a Summer that can, at best, be described as cool with average rain and sunshine.

Just out of the ground

Washed and scrubbed

Trimmed, but not yet peeled

Having processed the celeriac to the point where they could be stored, I weighed them just to see how they compared to store bought examples. The largest were around 950g and the smallest of this bunch was about 650g after trimming. It seems that our celeriac is as big as those in the supermarket, but is much more fragrant.

If I am honest, after cleaning up the stems, I planned to do very little for the rest of the day. However, a modicum of motivation intruded on my laziness and I grabbed a large saucepan and the other ingredients for a batch of creamy celeriac soup. It took an hour or so to prep the veg and make the soup, but this batch will provide about ten servings and freezes beautifully.

After finishing the soup, I glanced at the three remaining celeriac stems. It looks like I will be blanching and freezing those tomorrow and, possibly, trying out a recipe for remoulade.