Shopping

High Spot for 30% - I didn't moan and did actually find something I wanted that could be classed as a potential gift

High Spot for me - I found a Gruffalo Glove Puppet* which kept me entertained for 10 minutes

* This wasn't the "suitable gift"

I'm gonna blog.....

... while you two watch Eastenders. I don't know what I'm going to blog but I'm going to blog.

That pretty much sums up my mental state. I have finished work for the day - note day, not week, - and am now on the outside of a Chinese Takeaway and a large Gin and Tonic.

Today has had highs and lows. I suppose I really need to describe what I am up to for any of this to make any sense. My project needs to go through a series of reviews or gates before I can complete it and pass it on to the next team. Each individual component needs to be reviewed by experts and then the whole project needs to be reviewed from a design and quality perspective and then there are the financials ..............

........... by now anyone reading this will have hit the "back" button or chewed off their own arm for light relief. Basically I have a load of ball-breaking reviews to get through. Some have gone really well but the last one was a bit of a traffic accident! To be fair the reviewer had a valid point and it needs to be addressed but her approach killed the review in its tracks and we lost the opportunity to cover the rest of her material due to her "I'm not going any further" approach. It was a little rich as she then acknowledged that she hadn't given the project the support it needed and commented on the unfairness of introducing a new approach a couple of days before the call.

Fuck it - its Friday - I've done what I can so can hit the weekend with a clear conscience. I've fired off a couple of mails, set up a call for Monday, spoken to my Exec and 2nd Line Manger and am forgetting about this nonsense for 24 hours at least.

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Today the weather has warmed slightly and the haw frost has disappeared. The ground is still hard but there has been a slight thaw. Its a shame. I love the cold frosty weather, the high pressure that gives beautiful clear, blue winter skies and the frost transforms the world from Autumnal drab to Winter sparkle. The forecast suggest that it will be back by the beginning of next week, so fingers crossed.

Plans for the weekend; Shopping tomorrow and if the ground is soft enough TP will play against his old club at Rugby on Sunday. I have, of course, Parented in the appropriate fashion and told him to show no mercy against his old team mates. 

Playing Dirty

This morning I was somewhat jaded after the review yesterday but my spirits were lifted after a discussion with my Buddy.

As I am the "new guy"* on the team, he is there to mentor me and make sure that I am not too far behind the curve on this current project. He had a look at the outputs from yesterdays review and decided that things were in good shape.

He also confirmed my suspicions about a couple of reviewers that were taking a rather limited view of their scope and Geographic responsibilities. Being a straightforward sort of chap I took a head on approach and got a definite "No" when I asked them if they were going to coordinate the inputs from other reviewers in their area of responsibility.

This was not a good situation meaning that I needed to do my day job and have 3 or more reviews** instead of one. I therefore decided that we should all discuss this with my Exec and find a "way forward" - RESULT ! - suddenly everyone is a lot more compliant and has far more encompassing view of what they need to do.

I don't like being given the run around by Teflon shouldered Old Lags because I am new to the job. I have been around the block and have a few tricks up my sleeve too. I used one of them today. As a Learner I don't have the time to put up with Posturing and Bluster. If my Reviewers are adding value I'm more than willing to take it on board. If they are just in the game to justify their existence or have an easy time on the run up to Christmas .... well that is a different matter.

Today's high point was on a call with a few Lawyers where my project and my understanding of the law stood up to their scrutiny - Bloody Hell - I might actually survive this :-)

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* more accurately "old, new guy" as in plenty of years on the planet, only a few weeks in the job
** and the huge amount of crap each one would generate

Wednesday Review

I spent all day in a review of my project and it went as well as I expected. It got a thorough going over and got plenty of constructive comments. It is unfortunate that, at times, the Reviewers thought I had to deliver a final product when in fact my output is most definitely a draft. I have therefore taken the previous draft, improved it, and received acknowledgment that it has been refined but still feel that I am likely to get a worse assessment that the previous round - puzzled!

This didn't put me in the best frame of mind for the evening when we went to see Tim Minchin in Birmingham where he was backed by a full orchestra. I first came across this Australian .....

..... I was going to type comedian but that hardly does him justice. Performance Artist is probably better in view of his undoubted musical talent.....

I first came across him about 18 months ago via a You Tube clip and we went to see him, at that time, in Warwick to see what he was like. He is an amazing talent and his songs are delivered beautifully but have  the most peculiar and funny lyrics.

Last nigh his repertoire included the love song for his wife; " If I hadn't found you it would have been somebody else" where he covers the statistical probability of finding another soul mate and the classic ode to racism Only a Ginger can call another Ginger "Ginger". I must admit that one of my favourites last night was his tirade at the Pope about the Catholic Church's covering up of child abuse entitled "Fuck You Motherfucker"

 Go see him - he's Brilliant - unless you are a staunch Catholic who doesn't like to see the Holy See given a thorough drubbing - in which case stay in.

Impending Doom?

Tomorrow is a big day for the Project I am currently working on. An all day review will consider the design and the quality of my team's work and will ensure that the numbers are the right order of magnitude to take it on and run with it.

As a consequence I have been pulling materials together, organising rooms and equipment whilst still trying to assemble my deliverable. It is very much like struggling in to one's Dinner Suit whilst travelling to the Venue and having the Tailor along to make some last minute alterations to the cut and leg length.

I'm expecting a mauling tomorrow - if I look at things like that; glass half empty, with a drowned fly floating in it, then anything less than crucifixion will seem like a blessing.

Whilst this is the main focus of the week I still have many other threads to pick up and progress so my day was a procession of calls, meetings and it was a struggle to find an hour to get lunch and travel in to the nearest circle of Hell for this afternoon's calls and face to face meetings.

As a result today's walk was very early in the day and the weather was amazing. It was absolutely freezing but the sky was clear and blue and like yesterday everything was covered with a blanket of ice crystals. At one point I brushed against a tree and for a full half minute a shower of icy dust fell to the ground. The noise was amazing, a hushed whispering as the crystals fell amongst the undergrowth.

Its cold out.

Freezing fog has blanketed the village all day and made my lunchtime walk an unusual experience.

My horizon was, at best, 75 yards and on higher ground anything more than 50 yards away was shrouded. It also had a deadening effect on sound as well as restricting vision so it really was just me and the dogs as we wandered round the Three Miler.

Every surface was a delight of ice crystals. every plant wearing a coat of fragile white needles, some nearly half an inch in length. All the recent snow may have gone but the ice and fog gave another, perhaps rarer, winter perspective.

I noticed that T&M had started to develop frosty bibs as their breath condensed and fine crystal webs started to form on their coats as we walked.

It was a delight to be out and away from my desk for an hour savouring the novel perspective the fog and cold brought.

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Other Stuff:

Tonight we are off to see Rich Hall at the Artrix in Bromsgrove. Generally dry and cynical - he is one of my favourite Stand Up Acts. He also has moments of lunacy and I was lucky to see his alter ego Otis Lee Crenshaw perform a few years back in Birmingham. For some reason Rich is regular player at the Artrix which is surprising as it is tiny and certainly off the beaten track in terms of comedy venues.

Calm before the storm

Sunday started at around 9 o'clock when I called TP from his pit as he need to be up ready for Rugby Practice. His team have a match next weekend against his old club. It will be a close run thing and it would be nice for his new team to win as they did when they last played each other.

While TP trained, 30% and I took T&M for a long walk along the footpath that runs over the fields behind the pitches. It is a lovely route and it was at its finest under clear blue skies and crisp underfoot due to the overnight frost.

The afternoon saw TP and 30% nip in to one of the local towns for a spot of Christmas Shopping while I spent a couple of hours crunching some numbers and summarising them for a presentation later in the week.....

.... the observant of you may have noticed that I have just used the "C word" in my blog. Yes, Christmas - its on its way. For several weeks now I have managed to turn a blind eye to it. Working from home means that the October kick off of the retail extravaganza has escaped me and the new role has occupied so much of my time that I have given little thought to the upcoming festivities.

I'm not a great fan of Christmas and I think its probably best if I leave it there.

Motorcyle Live 2010

Today TP and I took ourselves up the road to the NEC for the Bike Show.

It is a good few years since I have been but it's a pretty formulaic Trade Show so no real surprises; hordes of tattooed Back Street Heroes readers interspersed with nylon clad acne ridden Scooter Boys.

You need to remember that I am not really a "people person" so walking round an exhibition hall filled with dawdling fools was somewhat frustrating as I really wanted to see the show just not the General Public that tend to clutter these occasions.

The day was good and I got to try a few machines for size. I know I have a couple of bikes already but there is always space in the garage for another should a bargain arise. I have to admit that I am not wholly convinced by the styling of many modern machines.

MV Agusta F4 - Styling I could definitely live with

MV Agusta detail

 There seem to be two approaches at the moment; something from the set of Judge Dredd or new models that have taken their design cues from 30 years ago.

One of these is the Suzuki Vanvan 125 which was a real blast from the past since it looked like the TS models from the late 1970s on steroids. I know it is a "learner" bike and not really indicative but it caught my eye due to it's similarity to the bikes me and my mates rode back in the early 80's when we first took to the road on a Provisional Licence that allowed you to ride anything up to 250cc without passing a test first. Back then I had a blue Suzuki TS185 that I worked, scrimped and saved to buy brand new just after my 17th Birthday. I still remember the registration some 30 years later; BUY 100W.

Dragging myself back from memory lane, there were obviously the models from the "Traditional" Manufacturers like Harley Davidson and Royal Enfield that market their bikes with a strong sense of nostalgia or Heritage as I think they prefer to call it. Don't get me wrong they are quite eye catching and I'm not so Sports Bike biased to dismiss them out of hand. I love Sports Bikes but anything is better than nothing and I am perfectly willing to accept that pootling along on an Enfield or throbbing nosily along on a Harley is far far better than standing on the side of the road dismissing them as outdated or poor performers.

Royal Enfield detail

For the days when you think you're Steve McQueen perhaps?

 TP and I obviously took a few minutes to visit the Chapel and genuflected at the Altar before immersing ourselves with the icons on display.

Let Us Prey - no its not a typo

There were obviously Trade Stands aplenty and I did treat myself to a new pair of Sidi's as My Alpinestars are  showing their age. I'm not sure they were such a great bargain when I take in to account the ticket price, car parking and the crappy expensive fare that is part of the NEC Experience but all in all I had a pretty good day and it was nice just to wander taking it all in.

Winding Down

The fire is lit. My in-box is at manageable proportions. I have no-one shouting at me. I have finished work for today. I would like to say for the week but I will need to knock up a PowerPoint slide or two at some point over the weekend.

This week has been productive but it has become apparent that some of my colleagues have been further behind the curve than me. This is worrying since I am the "old new Guy" whilst they have been hanging out on these streets for a good while. I am therefore concerned that only now are they having the scrap about who has the authority to do what.

Storm in a teacup perhaps but we are talking about grumblings from all over Europe and even further beyond too.

If they decide to be difficult they could cause delays and create a lot of extra work in the weeks before Christmas. Lets hope that they have a dose of common sense over the weekend and come back to the table with a little less posturing on Monday.

It is still very cold here but we have missed the snow that has covered the North and South. We have an inch at best and TP is disappointed that School is open and there are no sledging opportunities at present.

I'll bet that Village Idiot is miffed too, as he took delight in telling us how he wandered around the bottom of the most popular Pistes here in the village and accumulated a couple of quid in loose change spilled from the kids pockets when we had major snow falls in January.....

.....  Yes - he does have too much time on his hands.

Plans for the weekend - all a bit loose really - TP and I plan to go to the NEC Bike Show (Motorcycle Live 2010) tomorrow. It may be rugby on Sunday but only if we have a good thaw.

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Word of the Day - "RATSUMA" - a small orange rodent, easily peeled and often eaten at Christmas*

* They used to be put in Childrens' Stockings but they tended to chew their way out. Also the Men who put Ferrets down their trousers managed to get this practice halted on the grounds of copyright infringement. Tenuous - but true

Marauder's Bumper Book of Crimes. No 4 in an occasional series ...

Today I practiced my splicing and soldering of cables.

Marauder decided to chew through the 'phone cable* mid way through a Conference Call with my Exec!

The 'phone still works and my Exec just laughed.

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* it now sports a nasty bulge which is wrapped in red insulating tape

Grim Day

Sell-by Date, better know as Ollie, 

Classical Joker if we were going to be really formal.

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September 1997 - 1st December 2010

Nothing to see here

Today I had to go in to my nearest Circle of Hell in order to do some tormenting rather than be tormented.

This was a novel situation for me and it took me until this evening to realise that I was crapping on someone else rather than being crapped upon. To be fair and slightly more realistic I was handing over a project to the Team that will take it though the next phases and consequently they have the problems to solve rather than the situation I am normally more used to where people give their problems to me.

The "crapee" was a delight to talk to and had obviously been around the block a few times. He fully understood the situation and was comfortable with taking this forward. He was more than pleased with the numbers he had to play with and seemed confident of minimal problems.

The rest of the day was spent playing with numbers and herding cats. It wasn't fun but it was reasonably productive.

I came home in the early afternoon but only because that is the best point to break the day. My US colleagues come on line in the early afternoon and if I don't get home then then I can be trapped in the office until God knows when.

Didn't even get a walk today - will make amends tomorrow.

Quote of the day ...

30%                 “Oh that’s lovely, you’ve lit a fire!”

Badman           “Yes, Marauder was looking chilly this

                       afternoon”

30%                 “*@@***  &**@@*% “

Badman           “Ouch”

An unexpected morning

The hard overnight frost meant that the Rugby match was cancelled and the ground was too hard for training too.

As a result TP got a lie-in and when he finally crawled out of bed we made a batch of Black Pudding Sausages. These are a real delight. The recipe couldn't be simpler; equal quantities of finely minced pork and black pudding with white pepper, mustard powder and salt. A good glug of water to moisten and after several minutes of mixing and massaging we stuffed them in to hog casings.

Black Pudding Sausages

The net result was 7 lb of fresh bangers.

After lunch 30%, TP and I took Tyson and Marauder for a walk over towards the reservoir. It has been a good while since we have been out that way but the views are beautiful and the frosty landscape would only add to the experience.

The reservoir is not the key point of the walk. It is an underground reservoir for the village and consequently only a minor landmark on the way home. The main feature of the walk is the footpath along the ridge that looks out towards The Malvern Hills. It is an incredible view and the frosty setting sun made it worth the cold.

Towards The Malverns

 Back from the walk I'm now sat in front of the fire and don't intend to stray far from it as the Weather Reporter announces overnight lows of -3 Celsius.

Quite the Social Animal

Saturday morning started with a quick run over to the Feed Merchant for half a dozen bags of layers pellets and a bale of wood shavings. There is a tad of irony in the previous statement as the hens haven't laid an egg since they went in to the moult in late September and now the days are short and cold we stand little chance of eggs until the spring.

After reeling over the price of chicken food - it is not only bread that goes up due to global wheat demand - I made a mental note that I really ought to weed out the aged hens that no longer lay.

My Dad and Step Mum came over with their puppy for a lazy lunch and we had a great time catching up with each other's gossip whilst Tyson, Marauder and Tilly charged around our feet.

There was more socialising as we had agreed to join up with a couple in the village to make a team for the dog training club's Christmas Quiz evening. The couple - let's call them Anthony and Cleopatra - attend a different training session to TP and I but Anthony works with 30% and that is how we all know each other.

The evening was a fund raiser for the club which is going through an extraordinary surge in popularity and demand at the moment. To be honest I was cynically expecting a bit of a damp squib but it was really well attended. There was a splendid buffet and we had taken plenty of wine to help it down.

The quiz was really well arranged and, to top it off, our team won with a reasonable margin.

As I write this I am sat in the lounge and 80% of the family's pets are worshipping at the alter of the Log Burner that has been in constant use since Friday in response to the cold snap. We have only had a couple of millimeters of snow but, as my Dad would say, "an 'ard frost".

Its all in the name

This evening I had just settled down for a coffee and a quick chat with 30% before we thought about getting dinner. I had barely started when the phone rang. It was a local Farmer who had Village Idiot in her sitting room - poor woman.

She had just had a steer killed and butchered and VI reminder her that I was likely to be in the market for a few cuts, hence the call. I nipped up the road and returned a while later. The haul included a sirloin and a fillet joint that I sliced in to steaks and three massive rump steaks that I sub-divided before placing in the freezer. Her beef is absolutely superb. It is local, grass fed and she hangs the fore and hind quarters for different lengths of time to ensure that the beef is as tender as possible. Apparently the rear end of this one had been suspended for the best part of 4 weeks. It looked superb. The meat was dark and well marbled with a good jacket of fat to ensure succulence.

Well done to VI for thinking of us.

Now ..... the name .... I have recently encountered an American colleague who has been christened with a forename that is identical to his surname. I kid you not, this individual carries the moniker Davis L Davis. I have obviously anonymised this chap but I am sure you get the idea.

Now I have had to introduce Davis to a few colleagues and one wag referred to him as Davis² in an e-mail.  Now this tickled me and I smiled - its not been a funny week.... and that should have been it. A one liner in an email that made me grin and its all over .....

..... but no. As I wandered round the three miler at lunchtime I pondered this joke and realised that whilst it may be algebraically correct it is not all the way there. Pay attention and I will explain.

The chap's name is Davis L Davis. I personally feel that this is most accurately expressed algebraically as 2(Davis) + L.

It is possible that 2(Davis) = Davis²  but only if Davis = the square root of 2. For all other values of Davis, which is an unknown, only 2(Davis) expresses it accurately if one is tasked with simplifying Mr D L Davis' name.

For example, if Davis = 2 then Davis² = Davis + Davis + Davis + Davis or, if simplified, 4(Davis).  We already know that Davis L Davis is the chap's name and we only have 2 instances of Davis in the expression. All we then need to do is take care of the L and we have simplified the name as an algebraic expression as far as is possible. 

so 2(Davis) + L it is

I know that people will say that I should get out more but on this occasion that was the problem.

Where did it go?

It is Thursday evening. I have just got back from a presentation about TP's skiing trip next February and I am wondering where the hell the week has gone.

I have had one of those work rammed weeks which has flown by.......

..... Fortunately I have got loads of things started......

..... unfortunately they have not yet been finished. I'm guessing I will have a few more weeks like this before Christmas.

Apparently I appear to have volunteered for a 3 day skiing course on the Dry Slope down near Gloucester. I have never skied before but am quite looking forward to it. The aim was to give TP a bit if a "starter for 10" before his holiday and one of his school friends wanted a refresher. Before I knew it two Dads were going too. It should be fun and apparently a broken leg is no impediment in the job I do.

Every Cloud ......

Local News .....

.... Village Idiot popped in last night and I nearly said it was nice to see him. He was looking well and was his usual self; Rambling, Tangential and Evasiveness perfected to the highest art form. You may have picked up from this that a conversation with VI is never a linear process. It is always, to put it bluntly, "all over the place".

Whilst I was in Boston VI suffered an unfortunate incident. A local dog (a "rescued" Staffordshire Bull Terrier) had attacked one of his sheep. The attack was not fatal but it was necessary to have the sheep slaughtered. Fortunately the owners had been identified and had contacted VI to make amends.

VI was incredibly fair with them. He avoided involving the constabulary and instead settled on a very reasonable fee for the sheep plus the cost of having it euthanised.

Under the UK law it is not possible for this animal to enter the commercial food chain as it requires a Veterinary inspection but this is not necessary for it to be home consumed so VI bled it, skinned it and self butchered it and it is now residing in his freezer.

He muttered that he had always intended to have it for home consumption so he has managed to get paid for the carcass and avoid the abbatoir and butchery fees.

Sheep worrying is no laughing matter and it is up to every dog owner to ensure that their dogs are kept away from flocks. The attack on VI's sheep obviously caused stress and pain and cannot be condoned but from a blunt agricultural perspective at least he was able to have the animal put down promptly and the carcass was not wasted.....

....... as I said, every cloud ......

Thinking Time

Tuesday was manic, fortunately productive, but manic.

I have a new bunch of cats to herd and luckily they are all going in the same direction at the moment.

I have promised myself that I won't fill the Journal with the trials and tribulations of Dante's Inferno but some days it does tend to dominate. Even though I am busy I have a rule,  occasionally broken, that I take an hour out of my day to walk myself and the dogs - well two of them, the walk would put Sell-by-date in his coffin - poor old bugger.

The walk takes me away from my desk and allows me to clear my head and plan my afternoon. A mental "to do" list gets constructed along with preliminary drafts of a few e-mails. I sometimes wonder whether this is a break or a sophisticated "New Age" Planning Session.

The reason I state this is I enjoy my walk much more when there is no pressure to be back for a 2 o'clock call or some other pressing need. I noticed this a few weeks back when I was having a week's "stay cation" and could walk with no pressure to return and nothing to plan whilst out there.

Don't get me wrong, my walk is always a delight and Tuesday was no exception. The weather was clear and cool and the views from the top of the low hill were great.

A shame to use it as a virtual whiteboard!

Pop Quiz

If well known salad dodger Meatloaf will "do anything for love but wont do that"....

..... what exactly is the "that" that he won't do?

Answers in the comment box below. If its going to be rude make sure it is funny and subtle.