and relax ...

As indicated yesterday, I am back in work for a rest.

Over the past week Golfy and I have pulled together a revised set of numbers and these will be presented to our client on Friday, yep, Friday 13th. So in the meantime, and I'm guessing for a good few days next week, there will be very little of major import to do. This is the nature of the new role it is very much "all or nothing" and we are currently in a "nothing" phase whilst colleagues crunch our numbers and the client makes a decision.

That being the case I started the day with a stiff drink. A few weeks back I decided to make my own Rhubarb Vodka Liqueur. I finally got my act together and decanted the mixture and filtered it in to bottles. It is a lovely pink colour but is still a little cloudy but I am sure it will clear if left for a few more weeks and decanted one further time. As for the taste, I did leave the tasting until the evening and can report that it is sweet and very "Rhubarby". I really like it but 30% reports it a little too sweet for her tastes. We agreed that mixed with a tonic water or lemonade it would make a great spirit/mixer combination.

I also managed to get the Ducati booked in for a service and MOT at the workshop that resurrected her last year. Other than walking T&M and an evening trip to the dog training class that pretty much sums up my day.

Work? What do you mean, work? Oh, I see, well I fired off a couple of e-mails, did a weekly report and sat on a branch in the wood with Tigger for an hour or so. Does that count?

The Weekend

Andy & Steve turn up on Thursday and Friday next week to paint the bedroom. I therefore needed to complete a couple of final preparation tasks before they turn up and start flinging emulsion around the place.

Saturday's plan was a haircut first thing, to take T&M to the local dog show at lunch time and then spend the afternoon sanding the oak wardrobes that Chippy Ian has built.

The long dry spell finally broke on Friday Night and it was chucking down when I got up. Normally I would walk down to the salon for a trim as it is only 10 minutes down the road but at 8.15 with "stair rods" coming down 30%'s car looked a far more attractive proposition. Shorn and back home it was still chucking it down so the dog show idea got ditched and I gave the wardrobe a tickle with 240 grit.

30% and I then started the massive clean up in the room. You know the sort of thing, vacuuming, washing down of walls, tools back to garage etc when TP decided to inform us that he had a shopping list of absolute necessities for his Tech and Textiles Project and these needed to be ready for Monday. Let us just say that this was a little "last minute" and he was not the most definite about a) what he exactly was making and b) what he actually needed. Let's just also say that we had "words" before I finally managed to work out that he is building a clock and needed certain materials for the face design.

After a minor "domestic" it was agreed that TP would assist with the clean up and I would then take him in to town to collect his stuff and pick up the paint for the bedroom. I should have learnt by now that you need to get all parties engaged early when forming a plan and I foolishly didn't involve B&Q. I couldn't believe it when I turned up and they didn't have any 5 litre cans of Matt Emulsion Base and therefore couldn't mix up the colour I wanted. This is the most "vanilla" of paint since it is used to mix any colour they sell and the useless gits wouldn't have any in stock until Tuesday. Cursing under my breath I left and picked up the rest of TP's list.

It was then a quick walk round the Three Miler with T&M before getting ready to pop over to James Bond and Moneypenny's for Dinner and chat. We had a great evening. It was a late one, as usual, and quite boozy too, at least on my part.

Everyone was a little sluggish on Sunday as a result of the late night and possibly the gin in my case. We trundled over to the Rugby Club for the final session of the Season which was a fun game of Touch Rugby between mixed age group teams. TP found his form and scored 4 Trys and fortunately, save for a brief shower, the weather stayed fine. The end of season presentations followed and after the Barbecue it was back home and the final job in the bedroom.

They say "leave the best 'til last" and my afternoon job was quite pleasurable. I had to apply a coat of oil to the oak wardrobes and it was a delight to see the wood come alive as the oil penetrated the grain and brought out details and features barely seen until the coating was applied. A couple of hours later I was done and finally cleared the last of the tools from the room.

None of us seemed to have any energy so it was a light supper and making like couch potatoes until bedtime.

As I said last Monday "back in to work for a rest" 

Christopher Robin, over to you.

For the past 4 days Golfy and I, aka Tigger and Pooh, have been revising the cost projections for our latest project based on some new data from our client.

We were given some new numbers on Tuesday morning and told to sort it out and have it back to our US colleagues by next Monday.  This is not as simple as it sounds. First we had to make sure that we had the right people available to develop the new projections and, once they had done that, the new costs all had to be compiled and then we had the potential dread that is Dante's review cycle. In the last iteration of the project we completed the review cycle in 5 days and that was seen by experienced colleagues as challenging. This time we only had 5 working days to complete the updates, get them reviewed and dispatched.

Needless to say, on Tuesday this week, I was thinking that we were in for a very shitty few days....

.... all I can say is that I must have done something very good in a previous life as the Gods positively beamed on me and Golfy and it has been plain sailing all the way.  All of the colleagues we needed were available and ready to roll after the extended Easter/May Bank Holiday lay off, a more experienced colleague gave us some advice that meant that the review cycle could be avoided provided our numbers remained within certain parameters and none of our immediate and more remote management baulked at our proposal to not complete the aforementioned review cycle.

The net result is that we have been able to provide our numbers to the US Team a full three days before they requested them giving them much needed time for aggregation and pricing. I have spent the latter part of the day receiving plaudits from a number of people for a well managed week. I'm not quite sure how to take this. Maybe I have done a great job or maybe I have just been very lucky. Maybe being able to devise a rough plan and ask the right people the right questions deserves the congratulations. Maybe not. Maybe knowing which are good Bunnies and which need to be watched closely is what I am here to do.

The one thing I do know is that I would not have achieved anything without the support of my friends and colleagues. Even the Bunny that couldn't get the fairy cake out of the tin was a  necessary cog in the wheel. I feel uneasy accepting votes of thanks when I know that this was a team effort and I am nought without my team.

Cheers Chaps - you have done a fantastic job and you all deserve a great weekend.


As for my weekend, a long sit on the fallen log in the Beech Glade and perhaps a not too strenuous game of Pooh Sticks .... oh, and loads of hunny sandwiches.

Getting There

Down in the Hundred Acre Wood Tigger and Me have had quite a busy day. The woodland creatures have been preparing Christopher Robin's picnic and us two brave fellows have been doing our important things.

Today it has been mostly story writing and hard sums. To make sure we had time later on for elevenses and afternoon tea we shared out the work.  A day in the Hundred Acre Wood needs careful planning to make sure that the important things like meals and snacks and stick fights and sitting in the sun take place and that Nelifunt Hunts and Picnics do not get in the way.  Tigger decided to do the hard sums as I am a Bear of Little Brain and I was left with the story writing.

I went and got my best pencil* and sharpened it ready to write my story. I need to let Eeyore know that Tigger, Me and the woodland creatures have made Christopher Robin's picnic properly and that we have neither made too many hunny sandwiches nor too few.

Tigger was left to do the hard sums. He has been quite the hero counting all the sandwiches as they are delivered by the woodland creatures and making sure that we have enough for Christopher Robin and Kanga; not too many and not too few. We did have a problem at one point with one of the Bunnies. This one is a simple lad and he had managed to make a reasonable fairy cake but he had put it in a tin and couldn't seem to be able to get the lid off.  Golfy encouraged him to try harder but the Bunny disappeared in to his burrow and we couldn't get him to talk to us no matter how loud we shouted. We considered going in after him but with a tummy like mine going down a Bunny Burrow is not a thing to be undertaken lightly. Tigger and Me had a long hard think and finally realised that the Bunny was too busy thinking about lying in the sun and not about the picnic. Ten minutes later the cake was out of the tin and Tigger was back to the hard sums.

I will point out that I did notice that Tigger was using his "special pen" to do the hard sums. This is the one with the Spanish Lady that drops her drawers when you turn the pen upside down!

We need to have the picnic ready for Monday but Christopher Robin is already muttering that he wants to see the spread tomorrow.

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* HB of course; H for Hunny and B for Bear

The Hundred Acre Bake Off

The woodland creatures have all started making scones and hunny sandwiches and cakes and more hunny sandwiches today.

Me and Golfy have the most important job and have been walking around most importantly .. "did I mention that we needed to make hunny sandwiches? I did ? OK, excellent, moving on" .. Me and Golfy have a most important job and have been walking around making sure that the weasels, rabbits, foxes and badgers have all washed their paws before they start baking and don't get confused with the ingredients.

I am sure that at one point today one of the Rabbits was trying to add some more of MY HUNNY to one of Christopher Robin's sandwiches. This simply will not do. I may be a Bear of Little Brain but I can spot a Bunny shoving extra portions of my Hunny in to Christopher Robin's packed lunch from the other side of the Beech Glade down by the Pooh Sticks Bridge.

Golfy and me need to make sure that the picnic is just the right size; not too big and not too small. If it is too big we will have all sorts of problems packing it in to the picnic basket and carrying it down to the field. The last thing I want to do is get Eeyore involved any more than I possibly have to. We all know that Eeyore is all "doom and gloom" and will spend forever rambling on about how we are likely to give Christopher Robin and Kanga tummy aches or worse.

Tummy aches are obviously very serious as they prevent one from eating hunny sandwiches but Golfy and Me are certain that tummy aches are not going to be a problem with this picnic.

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Other Stuff

I'm still not absolutely certain I know what I am going on about and 30% has managed to get tickets in the front block for lazy eyed, Bristolian comedian Russell Howard when he plays the NEC in December.

A invertashun

Today I had a great adventure planned for me and Golfy down in the Hundred Acre Wood. A complete lack of anything unimportant to do meant that we could get on with some really great stuff. First I thought we could have a chat about really important things like how many Easter Eggs we got and then move on to making a den down by the brook. I then thought we could have a competition to see who could make the best model of Judge Dread out of clay* before wandering back to Pooh Corner for elevenses. A hectic afternoon of fishing and stick fighting and then home later on for tea and a bath.

I was therefore quite miffed to find that Christopher Robin had been invited out for a picnic by Kanga and that he needed Tigger and me to make him up a packed lunch. Christopher Robin has apparently been on the internut and had found out that single mum's like Kanga are "easy" and he is very keen to get in to bed with her. Now Tigger and me are absolutely brilliant at making samwiches but we thought we better have a practice. Tigger had a go and decided that a slice of bread between two dollops of hunny was a vast improvement on the usual recipe. I have to admit that I do agree but they were an absolute bugger to wrap up and we got in to a dreadful pickle with the greaseproof paper. We therefore may need to approach the preparation of the lunch with a little more care than I would have liked.

As a result the Easter Egg discussion and stick fighting has had to be put on hold and instead we had to do a complete circuit of the wood rounding up a variety of motley woodland creatures to assist us in our 100 Acre Catering venture. I have to admit that one of the weasels and a badger cub seem to be a couple of lightweights and would be better suited to spreading butter than knocking up a damned good quiche so that Christopher Robin stands a chance of a shag**.

We managed to get enuff creatures together and most of them seem prepared to put aside den making and stick sharpening to help me and Tigger with the picnic. All I need to do now is see how much quality control he wants to apply before we shove carefully pack it in to a basket for his little assignation with Kanga on Friday week. I have therefore sent a note over to Owl to see what he suggests. I hope he reads it overnight.

 ------------

* Piglet said it was clay. If he is bullshitting me again I will turn that little pink git in to streaky
** I may be a bear of little brain but I have pointed out to him that a) she is a stuffed toy*** and b) he has to get rid of Roo for a couple of hours too but will he listen  ...
*** I have heard that kapok is a nasty irritant 

By the way, this is so bloody obscure I'm not even sure I know what I am talking about.

Have you ever heard ...

... the saying "I'll be glad to get back to work as I need a rest" ?

Well, after 10 days of preparation in the bedroom that is pretty much how I feel. Today I finished off the plastering and 30% and I had a good tidy up as Chippy Ian is back in tomorrow to fit the wardrobe doors.

The option of sitting in front of a laptop for eight hours a day looks quite attractive after being covered in dust and crap on a daily basis for the past week and a half. Although it has been hard and dirty work 30% and I are pleased with the transformation and when the Painters have finished it will look fantastic.  All that is left to do is to sand and wax the wardrobe once CI has finished and have a good clean and polish of the floor boards.
 
To be fair I have found time during the Easter/May Bank Holiday break for a few other activities and today I took TP over to the Kit Car show at Stoneleigh for a few hours. The weather was splendid and we had a great time wandering round checking out the definitely "non-mainstream" motoring options. I must admit an AC Cobra replica would be a rather fine thing to drive around in especially as most of them seem to have colossal American V8 power-plants under the hood.

It is work tomorrow and, having kept an eye on my email over the holiday, I am wondering what I will be up to as there has been no news from the client since we delivered our latest Proposal on 22nd March.

Plastered ...

.... but not as a result of excessive alcohol.

This morning TP and I spent a couple of hours patching the plaster in the bedroom. At some point in it's history a picture rail had been nailed to the wall and this had been removed as part of the refurbishment. This left gaping holes where the cut nail fixings had been pulled out and it also became apparent that the walls above the rail were in a pretty poor state. It therefore needed a quick skim to tidy it up.

The preceding paragraph may make it sound like I know what I am doing. Lets put that misconception to rest straight away. The best way to put this is that I am a rough plasterer that can apply a finish appropriate to a Georgian/Victorian cottage. You  most definitely would not get a mirror smooth finish on your walls if I was the man with the float.

I'll need to apply a further skim in a couple of areas tomorrow but most of the job has been finished.

The sofa beckoned for a good chunk of the afternoon and after a lengthy doze TP and I took T&M out for a quick run before my Dad, Sue and Tilly came over for Dinner.

Tyson's Bumper Book of Crime. Number 1 in a totally unexpected series

A totally unexpected appearance by Tyson in the Dock this afternoon on a charge of aggravated rolling in fox shit necessitating a bath to get rid of the incredibly bad smell.

A lesser charge of removing a stale loaf from the work surface was dropped after it was agreed that it had already been decreed as suitable only for animal feed and the chickens decided not to press charges.

The reason that this entry is "totally unexpected" is that Tyson is 30%'s "best girl" who is absolutely perfect and totally incapable of any inappropriate behaviour. The result is that Marauder generally gets the blame. M was therefore quite chuffed to be wandering around the garden as T stood in the dog bath looking somewhat soggy and bedraggled.

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Other Stuff

I made a start on the plastering in the bedroom today and am reasonably pleased with the results. TP has been recruited as Labourer for tomorrow when we plan to break the back of it.

This evening sees another trip over to Warwick Arts Centre. This time to see Ed Byrne's current stand-up tour.

The mission continues ..

... this morning was a quick trip in to the local DIY store to pick up a bag of plaster, a new float and a few other sundries. It was then back to the cell to finish the oiling and waxing, fill in a few of the deeper holes in the plaster work and contemplate the skim coat I will need to apply.

Downstairs TP and 30% were ensconced on the sofa watching the Royal Wedding. Whilst not overly interested most radio stations seemed to think that I should be kept fully informed of progress and should listen to the complete bollocks spouted by some fuckwit in a union jack dress and a hat that sounded like it had been made by someone with "Special Needs".

I'm not a Republican. The thought of who would we would get in place of the Royal Family leaves me in a cold sweat. For Christ's Sake, basically it would be a toss up between President Branson or President Blair and "toss up" was not an accidental choice of words!

Neither am I a staunch Royalist but as they don't really seem to have any particularly negative impact on my life I'm quite happy to pay that 62p per person per year that it apparently costs to have them.

The evening saw a trip over to Warwick Arts Centre to see Mark Thomas perform his Extreme Rambling, Walking the Wall tour. It was a great show as Mark covered his walk along the wall/fence that is being erected by the Israelis around the West Bank and the views of the Israelis and Palestinians that live and work alongside it. It was a great show and the front row seats were brilliant. The only downer were the pissed couple that turned up late and sat behind us. Their frequent comments and interruptions finally drew a barbed comment from Mark but they were obviously too far gone to pick their way through the sarcasm.

Free Lunch

It will come as no surprise that today saw me back in the bedroom filling cracks in the ancient plaster and applying a coat of wax to the cupboards that I have painstakingly stripped, sanded and oiled. We are both really pleased with the results as we have managed to turn a couple of nondescript aspects in the bedroom in to attractive features.

During the morning Chippy Ian phoned to let me know that he would be calling round with the wardrobe doors. This meant that I  had to have a quick tidy up and clear some space as he wants to let them acclimatise in the room before they are fixed to the carcass that he built last week.

After Ian had left I continued with my waxing mission and was again disturbed by the 'phone. This time it was my Dad. He had been over to a friend's farm to pick up half a pig and had come back with a rabbit carcass as well. He couldn't be bothered to skin and joint it and asked if I was interested. I gratefully accepted and popped over later in the afternoon to collect the bunny.

Twenty minutes with a sharp knife and I had a jointed rabbit bagged up and sat in the freezer. I'm wondering whether the Guanciale would make a suitable companion ingredient to add some richness to the rabbit.

Eureka

It was an early start this morning as T&M were booked in at the Pet Groomers at eight thirty for a Lamb Clip.

It was then back home and today's mission was to repair the floor boards. Over the years Plumbers and Sparkies have left some of the boards in a dreadful state as they have completed heating installations and re-wiring. I have a supply of elm boards in the garage that were lifted from the Landing during the extension building in 2008 and some of these have been used to replace boards that have either been ravaged by woodworm or careless tradesmen or both.

So most of today has been spent lifting split and generally knackered boards, cutting new ones to width and length and carefully screwing them down avoiding the myriad of pipes and cables that sit beneath them.

As I was nearing the end of this job a short length of board popped up disturbed by the insertion of a replacement. I lifted the board to remove the crappy nails and screws and fix it down properly when I had my Eureka moment.....

......  When we had the extension built we had coaxial cables run from "aerial" sockets in the Lounge and TP's bedroom. The original plan was to use these to route the satellite signal from the decoder in the Lounge to TP and our bedrooms. During the building work in 2007/08 I recall asking that these cables were left coiled under the floor in our bedroom.

Ever since we removed the bedroom carpet after the ceiling was replastered in March I have been peering under boards with a torch trying to locate these cables. To date I had found nothing and had reached the point of writing off the plan to pipe Sky to the bedrooms.

It was therefore a delight to find the cables under the "popped" board. It was a matter of a few minutes work to run the cables to an appropriate point in the room where they can be spliced to form the critical link between the three rooms.

All I need to do now is to pop in to the DIY store and pick up a few coaxial connectors tomorrow.

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Other Stuff:

 We sampled the Guanciale (cured pigs cheeks) that I finished curing last week. A few thin rashers were cut off and fried....

.... and the verdict, I am never making brawn again! I like brawn but from now on Guanciale is the thing to do with a pigs head. The bacon it produced is fantastic and will make beautiful lardons for Italian dishes. I feel a Carbonara turning up on the menu in the next day or so.

In and out.

Tuesday saw 30% and I hit the skirting boards in the bedroom. The paint work was dreadful so it was necessary to strip them back to the bare wood and start again from fresh. With a combination of hot air stripper, belt, 1/2 sheet and detail sanders and a couple of hours we had them back to the wood and in a fit state for priming and painting.

Having got them cleaned up I then applied myself to cutting and fixing the skirting board sections for the en-suite doorway aperture. I also threw a few screws in to the skirting boards wherever there was any movement.

It was then time for a walk with T&M and then back home for an early supper.

This evening I had arranged to meet up with Chippy Ian and Mick for a run out on our bikes. I took the Honda as TP wanted to come and the Ducati is only a single seater.

We met up at Ian's a little before 7 o'clock and set off through Badsey and Bretforton before climbing the Cotswold escarpment and travelling through Chipping Camden and on over to Shipston on Stour.  We then took the lanes through Brailes and stopped briefly at the Rollright Stones. We then headed back with a stop for coffee at Moreton-in-Marsh before descending "The Fish" and heading back in to The Vale.

It was a great run out although it turned very cool later on and the coffee at Moreton was a welcome warmer.

True Grit .....

.... and determination.

Monday marks the third day of the prep work.

I took T&M for an early walk and then clambered in to the bedroom. I suppose I need to add that the two doorways have been "tented", with dust sheets taped over the outside, so that the doors and frames can be rubbed down without the pervasive dust and grit filling the rest of the house.

It is not a fun job. It is hot and filthy and you are either balancing on a set of steps or are hunched on hands and knees. There seems to be very little middle ground.


Today I think we finally turned a corner but there is still a long way to go. 30% joined me and volunteered for the stripping of the window sills and the skirting boards. I persevered with the two cupboards and the door on to the landing and after lunch I actually vacuumed them "free" of dust and applied the first coat of oil to the bare wood.

The oil really brings out the colour and grain of the old timber and I would like to say that it has spurred me on but I take a lingering look at the skirting boards and shudder.

Weekend Round Up

Saturday; St Georges Day.

As previously advised, The Journal is likely to be less than exciting over the Easter Break as I have a mountain of decoration preparation to get through. I finally finished stripping the door frame and then 30% and I nipped over to Alcester to choose a light fitting for the bedroom. I then returned and spent a "happy" couple of hours making good the ceiling of one of the cupboards that had been somewhat destroyed damaged during the replastering of the bedroom ceiling a few weeks back by Andy & Steve.

I finally emerged from a very gritty, cramped space with enough time to take T&M around the Three Miler before I showered and shaved for the St Georges Day "Do".

"C" is a somewhat eccentric but delightful CBE who is in his late 70s and arranges both the Burns Night and the St Georges Day celebrations at one of the local pubs. These both follow a similar theme with a set menu, a few speeches, a load of drink and many laughs. 30%, TP, Jules and I are lucky enough to be on the guest list for these occasions so we all turned up at The Old Bull for a lovely evening of food, wine and discourse.


TP had spent the past week with his Mum and Grandma and arrived home in time for this Spring festivity.

I'm not really one for celebrations but St Georges Day now has quite a degree of significance for us as it is the anniversary of the date that TP came to live with us after a particularly lengthy and unpleasant Court Case resulting in a Residency Order. Saturday marks the fourth anniversary of the day that TP came to live with us.

And so, after a boozy night, we all rolled in to our beds to wake on Easter Sunday.

Before the "prep" work continued there were gifts of Easter Eggs and the chickens provided an appropriate breakfast; boiled for 30% and poached for TP and I. After breakfast it was back to the grind.

Having finished the stripping in the bedroom, Sunday marked the start of sanding. It is a grim job. Even with power sanders it is a grim job. I have a random orbit, a half sheet, a belt and a detail sander and every one of them will get used in the preparation work in the bedroom. I have two door frames, two doors and a cupboard to sand. Of these, only one door frame will be painted. Every thing else needs to be sanded clean of paint and smooth enough for an oil and wax finish. It will look fantastic when it is finished but is is a grim, dusty ordeal. Having stripped the wood it is a dusty progression through 80 then 120 and finally 240 grade abrasives to reach a silky smooth finish.

There will be more sanding to come as we still need to do the skirting boards and the wardrobe will need a "tickle" once Chippy Ian has affixed the doors.

I emerged from the bedroom around 5 in the evening and was literally coated from head to toe with orange saw dust. The first beer didn't last long!

30% served a splendid Easter Roast and I set this down slumped on the sofa eyeing a Madagascar vanilla and white chocolate egg on the shelf to my right.

Be prepared for a tedious few days .........

..... as 30% and I will be focused on the preparation work in the bedroom in advance of the Decorators visit in about three weeks time. The Journal is therefore likely to get more repetitive than usual

This morning we went in to Stratford to pick up a few essentials from the DIY store and coffee beans from Whittards. It was then home for a light lunch and back in to Bedroom#1until the weather cooled down enough for the dogs to be walked.

Today's job has been the stripping of the door frame and the repair of the architrave as we have replaced the door and changed from a rim lock to a Suffolk Latch. This means that I have a 4" chunk of an antique architrave to replace now the rim lock has been discarded. Fortunately I have a few pieces in the garage and with a few pins and some wood filler all will be well. As my Dad says "It's a good job Painters follow Carpenters".

Away from the decorating mission, I finished the dry curing of the piece of belly pork and pigs cheeks this evening. These have now been washed, soaked, dried and wrapped in muslin and will now be hung in the garage for a week or so before slicing or cubing or smoking or whatever else I decide to do with them.

The Belly is most likely to be left as green bacon and simply sliced to become rashers of streaky. The cured cheek is an experiment and, at the moment, I am planning on cubing it and using it like lardons of pancetta would be used in cooking. Apparently Guanciali (cured pigs' cheeks) is one of the ingredients in a pukka Spaghetti Carbonara so I may be trying one of those at the back end of the week.

Zen and the art of the Conference Call

Down in the Hundred Acre Wood Golfy (aka Tigger) and I have been tidying up before we try to spend a good few days climbing the oaks and sitting in the sun enjoying the almost merged Easter and May Bank Holiday break.

We held a few conference calls and it became apparent how similar they are to the game of Pooh Sticks. Let me explain; firstly to play Pooh Sticks you need a bridge. Bridges are useful things and it became apparent on one of our calls that my job is to build metaphorical bridges. Even though I am apparently working with adults who are capable of looking after themselves they seem to be totally unable to contact people whose names they know without me formally introducing them and making the initial contact for them. For God's sake this is a truly archaic situation where I am required to chaperone or match-make these initial meetings. So there you have it building the bridges so we can play Pooh Sticks.

Now once we get the conference call up and running you learn that a stick has two ends; a nice end and a not so nice end - hence the name of the game; Pooh Sticks. On a conference call you need to understand the rules so that you always end up with the pleasant end of the stick. A few key tips are as follows:-

• always draft the actions/minutes. It might seem like a slog but you get to put your particular slant on the narrative and get to allocate the actions
• always ask for feedback on the accuracy of you minutes/actions. No-one ever responds so your view of the world must therefore be unquestionably accurate. After all, no-one asked for changes
• always try to host the call and summarise the actions and be sure to allocate the tricky ones to other invitees. I am, after all, a bear with very little brain
• always be at the front of the queue to accept the straightforward actions. You may have ten of them but if you can clear them before elevenses it leaves the rest of the day free for Hunny Sandwiches or planning an Easter Woozle Hunt.

Follow these key tips and you will always end up with the pleasant end of the stick and everyone else will soon learn why the game is called Pooh Sticks.

What do you mean, you thought it was about the first one to get their stick under the bridge? For Christ's sake if you are hunting Nelifunt you need to be playing advanced Pooh Sticks.

Sharpening our pointed sticks

For a good few days now Golfy and I have been sat high in an oak in the Hundred Acre Wood swinging our legs and telling tales of sword fights and fantastic beasts. We have sat in the sun and looked out over the fields and watching the Villagers running after pheasants and rabbits.

This small game is not for us. Its Hunny or nuthing for Golfy and me. Actually we are after a Nelifunt but we need Christopher Robin to start the hunt so here we sit in the dappled sun light imagining the hunt and laughing at the Villagers chasing small game along the hedgerows.

Today Judge Dread sat astride his Lawmaster with his holstered Lawgivers at his hips and rode from Mega City One to the Hundred Acre Wood. We were expecting the worst and many of the woodland creatures had secreted themselves in burrows and warrens in fear of his roar ..........

.............. "I am the Law!"

Golfy and I steeled ourselves and climbed down from the oak and wandered towards the glade where the fallen beech makes a great seat for planning the Nelifunt hunt. Eventually Dread turned up and we were expecting the worst. We were somewhat surprised to find that he had been spending his evenings preparing a leaflet on community policing and had some very good suggestions for us preventing antisocial behaviour and limiting the chances of shed theft.

Experience thus far has been that Judge Dread has taken his role as Judge, Jury and Executioner very seriously but he now appears to be confusing his roles and the cryo-rehabilitation in Demolition Man appears to have taken effect and he now appears to be more interested in us having a successful Nelifunt Hunt than telling us that we are a shower of shit with no chance of hitting a barn door at twenty paces.

I am guessing that this is probably a little on the cryptic side for most readers but if you are hunting a Bull Nelifunt and there are other hunters out there you lie low in the long grass and do your best to make sure that you are down wind and have a clear sight on the target. All we need now is for Christopher Robin to declare "open season"

Tuesday has been just one social whirl.

In between work tasks I had lunch with my Dad and also went over to a timber yard with Chippy Ian to pick up the oak for the fitted wardrobe that he is constructing in the bedroom. £300 lighter we returned and I continued with work.

Chippy Ian is a fellow Biker and he asked if I wanted to link up with him and one of his friends for a run out this evening. The tax disk had arrived for the Ducati in the past couple of days and I had been looking for an opportunity to break her out from under her dust sheet so watches were synchronised and a rendezvous point was selected.

This resulted in a mad dash out of the door as soon as CI had finished for the day so that T&M could get their, and my, daily constitutional. I arrived home at a little before six and had about 30 minutes to rehydrate, get the Ducati started, checked over and warmed up and throw myself in to my boots and leathers before setting out towards Ian's house.

It was a beautiful evening and we set off out through Evesham and Pershore before heading out through Bredon and Ashchurch and then climbing up in to the Costwolds via Winchcombe. Sudeley Castle was a fine site settled in the landscape under the  evening sun.

A quick stop at a pub for a coffee and then a run home via Stow on the Wold, down The Fish  and back in to The Vale.

It was great to be back on the Ducati but, to be honest, the roads were probablymore appropriate to the Honda as the Ducati is a little "focussed" and  far better suited to fast open roads and flowing turns rather than Cotswold Lanes. Still a great evening and I look forward to the next one.

Nearly There

Monday and it is back to work after a very productive weekend.

At present we are waiting for out client to make a decision and are in a "holding pattern". I am doing what I can but, to  be honest, I am having problems getting motivated as all of this could be for nothing if the decision goes against us.

So Golfy & I* are sat on a branch at the edge of the Hundred Acre Wood swinging our feet and shooting the breeze after inviting Piglet & Roo** to a party that might not happen.

It is very frustrating to be under utilised as there is a mountain of work to do at home. To sit here on tick over when I can see so many DIY jobs that need doing does make me feel somewhat constrained. However, Chippy Ian is here and making great progress on the wardrobe carcass. He has sole rights to the bedroom from 8 until 4 so any DIY on my "to do" list can only be progressed in the evening.

Mind you, no DIY this evening as T&M return to puppy training after a long lay off due to various reasons including "seasons" and a Peter Kay gig.

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* I'll leave it to you to decide who is Tigger and who is Pooh.
**A couple of European colleagues who's specialist knowledge will be needed if we have to make Hunny sandwiches in a weeks time.