The true European

Thursday continued in the same vein as Wednesday with further reviews of documentation and calls with my European colleagues. On that subject; what is it with the French? I appreciate that I have had some differences with the Luxembourgers but at least they are relatively polite and professional. The French team are a completely different kettle of fish. They are abrupt and whiny, bordering on rude and there were a couple of occasions where I was tempted to tell them to bugger off and set fire to some sheep on a motorway*...

... to be fair it was only one member of the team that was a pain in the arse but one bad apple...

Away from work Hank had a short day on the patio project due to a cock up with the ballast delivery and achieved little more than offloading kerb stones and laying of a weed prevention membrane.

It also appears that 30% has arranged to go and see two ginger kittens at the weekend. I'm guessing that it is more than going to "see" them in view of the new litter tray and bag of litter that is sat in the boot of her car.

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* For anyone outside of Europe this is the typical Frenchman's response to any political issue; a motorway blockade followed by ritual burning of the offensive object. If any of them read this they'll be printing it out and torching it in the middle of the M5 before you can say "Bob est votre l'oncle"

A dull day in the office.

Wednesday was spent at my nearest Circle of Hell in a series of meetings with Senior Members of the Account Team. They are a likeable bunch but it was a pretty tedious day.  I finally crawled away a little before six with a raft of documents to review and some "urgent" slides to prepare!

At home there had been some serious excavation work in preparation for the block paving. Our original ideas have been somewhat revised due to the location of a tree and changing levels but the cleared area gives an idea of the final shape and it is going to be so much better than the strip of 1950's concrete slabs which were very utilitarian and simply provided a way of walking around the house without getting your feet muddy.

An unexpected visitor

Tuesday started in an unexceptional fashion. I was sat in front of my laptop responding to the usual drivel when T & M went absolutely mental, barking at the door out to the garden.

Now T & M going mental is nothing unusual and they always bark at unexpected sounds. The thing is that they tend to practice directional barking rather than random shouting. In other words if they are going crazy you just need follow their eye line to see what the problem is. Now the garden is not a prime location for an alarm call and this had me wondering what the hell was going on.

I wandered over to the door and saw a strange man bent over by the old potting shed. I was about to challenge him when he straightened up and I could see that it was Hank....

... Hank is the chap who gave us an absolutely outstanding quote for some block paving work along with a rather vague start date. Well apparently today is the day that the patio refurbishment starts and he has certainly made an impact. Most of the old slabs are lifted and stacked, the potting shed is no more and all of 30%'s potted plants are haphazardly scattered across the lawn. It is a bit embarrassing really as we had planned to do the site clearance for him but his unexpected arrival meant that he had to shift a multitude of garden decor before he could even start. Ooops!

He disappeared shortly after lunch having made short work of most of the demolition and apparently the digger arrives tomorrow and a cash advance was requested.

The rest of the day has been uneventful and I type this while TP attends the first evening practice of the 2011/12 rugby season. One thing that is worth mentioning was the outstanding rainbow that appeared while I was walking T & M.


It's an iPhone picture so don't expect SLR quality but it was truly beautiful forming a full arc across the ridge of Lords Hill.

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Hedgerow Supper

Whilst walking T&M on Saturday I noticed a Puffball Mushroom growing in the verge. These fungal fruiting bodies can grow to the size of a football or even larger and when ripe release literally trillions of spores when knocked or blown - hence the name; Puffball....

.... They also allegedly make good eating.

I mentioned my discovery to 30% and she was as interested as I to give it a go so I returned and picked it and it became the inspiration for Monday's supper.

I can take no credit for the recipe, it is one of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's but the ingredients seemed to go with the hedgerow origins of the prime ingredient and it is basically a tarted up version of bacon, eggs and mushrooms.

Puffball - this one is about the size of a large grapefruit

Bacon or pancetta is fried in a pan and chopped garlic is added. As soon as the garlic starts to brown the bacon is removed and put to one side. The puffball is peeled and cut in to slices about 1cm thick. These are dipped in beaten egg and are then coated in seasoned breadcrumbs. The puffball slices are then fried in the bacon fat.

The puffball slices are then placed on a plate and are topped with the garlicky bacon and a fried egg.

I like mushrooms but am not a connoisseur but I can advise that these tasted wonderful. The mushroom flavour was present with a fragrant, slightly perfumed overtone that added a further dimension. I was concerned that the garlic and bacon would overpower the puffball flavour but need not have worried. The recipe was spot on and this made a lovely Autumnal supper.

Marauder's Bumper Book of Crimes. No. 9 in an occasional series

The late afternoon walk started so well; we wandered across the paddock at the foot of St Peter's, climbed the style, passed through the kissing gate and then crossed the footbridge by the badger's set. As we wandered through the wood at the edge of the Village Marauder decided to investigate the stream and returned coated in black, stinking, stagnant mud ...

... a bath is going to be a  must before she enters the house this evening.

The week in brief

This week I seem to have been somewhat remiss in jotting down my activities in The Journal so here, for anyone remotely interested, is a quick summary of the week.

Tuesday:
On the work front Tuesday was unexceptional. During the day an old friend called to say that he might be in the area in the evening and suggested we meet up. I haven't seen "Paparazzi Pete" for the best part of 12 years and we recently re-established contact via Linkedin. Unfortunately the Gods did not smile on us and the Channel 5 photo shoot was delayed until late in the evening which meant that his work prevented an evening of beer and raucous reminiscence.

Wednesday:
I trundled in to the nearest Circle of Hell for a catch up with Tigger and a handover meeting with the chap who will take over the commercial management of the deal we have just signed. I was finished by lunchtime and then drove down to Heathrow to catch a flight out to Luxembourg. I spent the evening with the Project Executive and managed to stay sober this time.


Thursday:
Thursday was an all day session with the Luxembourg Team and it went very well considering that neither of the teams trust each other. An interesting point was that the Luxembourg Directeur looked very much like an "old school" European Vampyre and I made a mental note to wear garlic on my next visit. In fact the meeting went so well that the Project Exec is considering a similar session in Switzerland and would like me to tag along to that one too.

Overall I am somewhat dismayed that I didn't get to see anything particularly Luxembourgish while I was over there. The hotel was at the edge of the modern concrete and glass Banking Sector and the Company Office was in a Business Park. For all I know BA might have just flown around for an hour and then landed me near Basingstoke. If the locals hadn't insisted on speaking French all the time I could have been anywhere.

One thing that did prove I was in Luxembourg was the taxi fare back to the airport. It was €80. Eighty fucking Euros! The whole country is no bigger than the table I am sat at! It cannot be physically possible to rack up a taxi fare that high without going through passport control. This goes some way to explain the half million dollars of travel costs the thieving gits put in to their cost case a few months back.

An evening flight had me back at Heathrow by half past seven and I was back at The Pile by ten.

Friday:
Friday was spent chatting to Tigger and catching up on stuff that had accumulated over the past couple of days. Tigger and I got a mention in the weekly dispatch issued by one of the most senior Daemons in the UK following the signing of the UK Contract on Monday. I'd like to say that this came as a complete surprise and we were bathing in this unexpected glory but the truth is that I drafted the note and submitted it for publication working on the principal that if you want good publicity write it yourself.

Away from work I had a fortuitous meeting with the local Plumber when I was walking T&M. He is a lovely chap but a complete nightmare to get hold of. I need his services as I have a radiator that needs to be disconnected so that I can replace the skirting board behind it. To my complete and utter amazement he advised that he would pop round on Saturday afternoon and remove the rad. I wandered away pondering on my current gullibility rating.

Saturday:
It was an early start as we needed to pop in to Worcester to get TP a new school blazer. We needed to be home by midday as the plumber had given us a rather vague appointment time. True to form the appointment slot came and went with no tradesman appearing at the door. At a little after three in the afternoon I was about to walk the dogs when he finally turned up. Twenty minutes later the job was completed and he was away.

As he disappeared down the road a mixture of thoughts passed through my head. These condensed as the following; a) I now have to do some DIY, b) 2 hours late is actually early considering the normal punctuality of the plumber and c) what are the chances of him returning to reconnect the rad before the end of Winter?

I then popped out to walk T&M and returned to find that Village Idiot had called and had left nine fertile eggs for me to put in the incubator. Apparently his wife has another cake to make for a local poultry breeder and the aforementioned breeder had provided the eggs ...

... these will be gently warmed for 21 days and "shop eggs" will go in the cake.

Sunday:
No surprises here, I spent a good part of the morning and early afternoon fitting skirting boards on the landing. The radiator brackets were repositioned so the rad won't foul the skirting board and I now wonder how long it will take to get Reliable Roger through the door to connect it all back up again.

The incubator was brought up to temperature and the eggs were set. I now have 21 days of egg turning and all being well will have chicks at the beginning of October. I stress "all being well" as the last attempt was a complete failure.

So that brings me up to date and I suppose I had better start my day job now ...

... well perhaps coffee and toast first.

One down ...

... thirteen to go.

Today's good news is that the first of the European Local Country Agreements was signed off today. This means that the Transition and Delivery Guys can start doing their job in earnest and it means that Tigger and I can officially hand this project over as there is now a contractual entity to hand it over to.

I appreciate that there are still a raft of Agreements to be signed but the first is enough to allow work to start and it is the official "beginning of the end" for this project as far as Pooh and Tigger are concerned.

This is great timing as there is news of another huge nelifunt out on the plains and our recent triumph has meant that Tigger and me will have no time to sit by the fire eating hunny sandwiches, toasting our toes and reminiscing. We must gird out loins and go out and get that one too.

To be honest we barely have enough work to fill our days and after ten long months on this hunt I am now well and truly ready for something different. I have enjoyed it enormously but our time is finished and we must now get our colleagues to step up and take it forward.

My recent holiday has helped to break the ties and all being well we should be hunting something different in a couple of weeks.

Lazy Sunday afternoon

30%                                TP and I are about to watch that film that I recorded last night. Are you coming to join us ?

Bad Man                        Is that the one with Ricky Gervais in it?

30%                                Yes.

Bad Man                        Isn’t it a bit sexually explicit for TP to watch?

30%                                What?

Bad Man                        Well, its got a c**t in nearly every scene.

Thought for the Day ...

... I'm guessing that it was at this time of year that they invented gravity.

With a hop and a skip ...

While we were in The States Chippy Ian did a fantastic job of ripping out some vile uPVC double glazing and replacing it with some more appropriate Sash and Casement windows. The ripping out and re-fitting was done really well and he made an absolutely fantastic job of hiding my trailer under a pile of packaging and redundant double glazing units ...

... as a result I now have a skip on the drive and spent a good portion of today filling it with the aforementioned debris.

We also had a bit of a clear up in the garden taking out a few Ash and Silver Birch saplings and a Conifer that had managed to work its way in to 30%'s bad books. TP's "den" was also dismantled and the potting shed was emptied as it will be demolished as part of the upcoming block paved patio project ....

... as a result I now have a FULL skip on the drive and a desire to do nothing more than snore on the sofa.

Its a little bit "Country" ...

Friday evening saw 30% and I put on our glad rags and drive over to the NEC in Birmingham to see Dolly Parton...

... I'm guessing that most of you have disappeared now so I'll just write for myself. We had the most amazing evening. I'm not a particular fan of Country & Western but I am prepared to experience most things provided they are done well and the show she put on was absolutely fantastic.

Her voice was amazing and many  of the numbers she sang were either a capella or with a single instrument such as a Dulcimer. There were, of course, the back catalogue classics such as Jolene and 9 to 5 that had the full support of the band too. I hadn't realised how versatile she was as demonstrated by the range of instruments played including banjo, guitar, piano, penny whistle, harmonica and the aforementioned dulcimer.

Of course, it wouldn't be Dolly Parton if they didn't have most surfaces covered with Rhinestones and they did, as did her costumes*. Her material ranged from Country and Bluegrass through to pop and rock and she did a medley including interesting Bluegrass versions of Help and Stairway to Heaven.

As I said earlier in this entry, I am prepared to experience most things provided they are done well and Dolly absolutely charmed the audience. Her narratives were engaging and witty and her performances were faultless. There was none of the mediocrity that pervades stage and screen under the guise of new talent and has me heading for the door or reaching for the remote control.

I can quite honestly say that I have never seen a show like this one and there were parts of it that were most unusual but she has, without doubt, the X Factor and the best word I can use to describe the experience was mesmeric.

This post would not be complete without mention of the audience which, I think it is fair to say, is one of the most peculiar I have ever sat amongst.

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* Quote of the evening; " I buy 'em two sizes too small ... and then I have 'em taken in ! "

Luxembourg, Schmuxemburg

What a fun time I have had today.

At one of yesterday's meetings Tigger and I were instructed that one of us had to have a case packed and to be in Luxembourg next Thursday morning. "Oooh!" I hear you say "A European Trip, how lovely" ...

... Well yes it would be if it weren't for the God-awful Corporate Travel Booking Tool and the 4 levels of approval required to leave the country. You may have guessed that I have pulled the short straw and will be travelling to the smallest country in Europe*.  I haven't a clue of what I am required to do there other than attend a meeting. Obviously I understand the general background but it would be nice if someone would consider spending 10 minutes briefing me on the purpose of the meeting....

... That is not likely to happen so I have spent an hour or so this morning making travel plans and initiating the approval process.

I'm quite interested to visit The Grand Duchy of Luxembourg but am not  overly keen on meeting my colleagues over there. They were far from cooperative on the recent project. In fact they were bloody obstructive on occasions. I can recall one point where they were actually inserting costs for services that weren't in-scope and the round of Executive Escalations when they refused to remove them.

As a result, it is fair to say, this was not an environment where long lasting friendships were established and I am not looking forward to the false bonhomie I will have to project to a bunch of fucking crooks that would have screwed me over given half a chance.

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* I think you will find that Monaco is a Principality.

Have you seen this man?

I climbed off my branch in The 100 Acre Wood this morning and drove in to The Village to meet up with Tigger and other members of the team for some exiting meetings.

I wandered in to the Office a little before nine o'clock and imagine my horror when I noticed that Tigger has been kidnapped and replaced with a doppelgänger.  I quickly covered up my concerned look and put on my Poker Face. I then spent the rest of the day carefully acting as though nothing was out of the ordinary. I need to point out that it is a cunning deceit and the Double looked and acted exactly like Tigger. It is only my acute attention to detail that made me notice a minor difference in his coiffure that drew my attention to this devious abduction.

I wonder about the Kidnapper's nefarious aims as no ransom demand has yet been found.

Now that I am safely away from work I can now report the matter to the Authorities and do my best as a concerned citizen to assist in locating Tigger. I have therefore developed an "e-fit" picture of the suspect. If you see this man do not approach but report his presence at once to the nearest police officer.

WARNING
Do not approach this man - he may be dangerous

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Other Stuff: Does anyone know the escape velocity that needs to be achieved in order to draw my attention away from an unnaturally blond head?

Fair Game?

Not a lot to report for this Bank Holiday Monday. The morning was spent producing a vast batch of faggots* and these are now residing in the freezer.

On the home front a chap called round and gave us a truly outstanding quotation for some block paving that will resolve a couple of problem areas in the garden. We literally accepted the quote on the spot and he should be turning up with his gang in the next couple of weeks.

The afternoon saw a walk with T&M and this is where the title of this entry has a modicum of relevance. As we wandered round the Three Miler I noticed that the young pheasants had just been released from the rearing pens and were wandering up the road with less savvy than a teenager in a strip club ...

... unfortunately Tyson was quicker than me and charged up the road after them. They are now much more streetwise and Tyson was definitely put through her paces. They all escaped relatively unscathed.

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* For anyone in the US, please don't take offence, these are a traditional UK "meatball" made from pork, onions, breadcrumbs, suet and liver. I have not taken to hurling insults about sexual preference in The Journal ...

... yet

A soupcon of news

The jet-lag from the US trip has been pretty rough this time and I am only now getting anywhere near the UK time zone. 30% is affected similarly but as for TP, who knows! He is 14 and it is difficult to tell whether he is suffering the malaise of the International Jet Setter or is just being a teenager.

Today saw a little kitchen activity and I spent the morning preparing a batch of Pea and Ham soup for the freezer. Once that was simmering nicely T&M were walked and I was back home in time for lunch.

The afternoon saw a trip over to Hampton to visit 30%'s brother and his partner in their new house and we spent a happy hour or so chatting, drinking coffee and looking at the carnage that follows any house move. 30% did her best to offload surplus furniture from The Pile but didn't manage to pique their interest. I think she should have tried harder and her failure is full justification for a bonfire.

First Blood

Nothing special was planned for Saturday, TP was away with his Mum to visit his Grandma in Surrey for a few days and 30% and I had a fairly leisurely day laid out before us. The aim was to get T&M walked and then bathed and then we would pop over to Solihull for some shopping leaving the dogs at home drying off.

So, having waved TP off, I started with the walk. We hadn't gone very far and had just entered a small patch of woodland at the edge of the village, T&M charged off in to the undergrowth and I heard a squeal. I assumed they had disturbed a rat and wandered on calling them to follow.  Marauder failed to appear which is unusual for her so I clambered through the brush to investigate. I found Marauder stood over the body of a rabbit with a sort of "what do I do now?" look on her face.

On closer examination the rabbit showed early signs of Myxomatosis which might explain how M managed to catch it. I was going to say that this is the first item of prey that Marauder has ever caught but that would be ignoring a few stray chickens that she has come across up by the Free Range Egg Farm. I have always managed to liberate these intact bar a few feathers and a ruffled disposition. This, however, is Marauder's first wild kill*.

The rest of the day went pretty much according to plan and the evening saw 30% and I sat on the sofa with a Thai Green Curry and two sweet smelling dogs.

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* Mice** don't count
** If the plural of mouse is mice, is the plural of rats; rice?

We're Back

Its Thursday and we are all settled back in at The Pile. The Jet Lag has been a little troublesome and TP and I were up and about at half past four in the morning on Wednesday. I seem to be over the worst of it but still cannot make it much past the first few minutes of the Ten o'clock News without falling asleep.

We picked up T&M from the kennels on the way back from Heathrow and that was a splendid reunion. We had a fantastic time in The States but we all really missed the dogs. I suppose it goes to show how much they are part of all of our lives. They seem to have had a great time at the kennels and have returned none the worse apart from the fact that they are very dirty and smell of horse shit! It seems that they have been exercised in a Manege and took great delight in rolling in the delicious smells that they found!

Tigger has done a most excellent job whilst I was away and I returned to a very manageable in-box. That has now been cleared and work is reasonably quiet as we wait for Local Country Agreements to be signed on the  current project and for the next project to kick off.

I took my first walk around the Three Miler this evening and note that the Blackberries are ripening. Marauder and I paused to eat a few as we wandered around. Tyson isn't particularly fussed about them but Marauder will pick them from the brambles herself. While we were away many of the fields were harvested in the long spell of dry weather and T&M now have acres of stubble to charge across.

I now have some 700 or more photos to trawl through to see which ones are worth inserting on to The Journal.

Journey Stats

US Miles Driven:  2,438
US States Visited:  7  (Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Idaho, Arizona, Wyoming & Montana)

Day 14: Quote of the day

This Wal-Mart is crap. The last one sold guns and shit!


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Day 13: 24 Hours in Vegas

It's my third stay in this town and it still isn't growing on me.

I'm not a fan. Its cheap, it's tacky and every facet is designed to separate you from your cash whilst ensuring that you receive little if anything in return.

Everyone seems to do the same tired, zombie like trudge from shop to shop, hotel to hotel and casino to casino. They slurp lurid iced cocktails and clutch either burgers or wailing brats with the other hand.

There are those that sit chained to the one armed bandits pressing buttons. Gone is the reward of coins falling in the tray, both winnings and stake are added to or taken from a credit type card. They sit like patients in a dialysis unit rather than Gamers in a casino.

The Hens and Stags are all having a great time but it's not for me.




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