Today I had planned a trip in to the nearest Circle of Hell for my appraisal meeting. Normally I would be on the way in at around eight in the morning but I was not exactly busy and didn't want to spend all day in a sterile Office kicking my heels. My plan was to spend the morning at home and then wander in at some point in the afternoon. This seemed like a great idea apart from the fact that I was sharing the "home office" with 30% and T&M.
30% seemed to be spending a lot of time explaining processes v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y and in very precise English to colleagues in India and T&M had decided that today was a great day to practise their barking ...
... at a little after nine o'clock I discovered that Golfy was also in the Office and this was the clincher. I had a quick shave and bundled my laptop in to it's bag. I was soon on the road and heading in to work rather than endure the mayhem at home.
Dante's nearest Circle of Hell was actually quite good fun as I bumped in to many colleagues during the day and seemed to spend much of my time chatting and "pressing the flesh".
The working day ended with a wander over to a nearby, and newly opened, hotel to try out it's bar before trundling back home ...
... oh, and the Appraisal Meeting ... Can't Complain.
Monday, 9 January 2012
Sunday, 8 January 2012
Weekend Round Up
Saturday started at a very leisurely pace for 30% and me but not so for TP, whose failure to set an alarm only left him 40 minutes to get his arse out of bed and be at the bus stop to meet up with his friends for an outing to Worcester.
We drank coffee and watched as he scurried round. It is nice to know that he does actually have a sense of urgency but it is unfortunate that this rarely aligns itself with our scheduling! Having bade farewell to TP we had a leisurely breakfast and headed in to town for a traipse around the supermarket. I wouldn't normally document such a mundane activity* but on this trip to Sainsbury's I wandered down the "Reduced" aisle and a new keyboard and a 1TB External Disk Drive found their way in to the trolley. The former is for my work machine as I am not a fan of laptop keyboards, the latter was to be connected to the iMac and will provide the infrastructure for a video media library.
The afternoon involved the usual round of dog walking and domestic duties and I'll make no further mention as this tale of domestic tedium is reaching levels where those of a sensitive disposition may be at risk.
Sunday continued in a similar vein; a trip to the Rugby club for TP to train, an enjoyable but muddy walk around the woods and fields by the club and an afternoon spent working out how to convert an extensive library of DVDs to MP4 files on the aforementioned new external drive.
The narrative may suggest something to the contrary but it was a great weekend.
We drank coffee and watched as he scurried round. It is nice to know that he does actually have a sense of urgency but it is unfortunate that this rarely aligns itself with our scheduling! Having bade farewell to TP we had a leisurely breakfast and headed in to town for a traipse around the supermarket. I wouldn't normally document such a mundane activity* but on this trip to Sainsbury's I wandered down the "Reduced" aisle and a new keyboard and a 1TB External Disk Drive found their way in to the trolley. The former is for my work machine as I am not a fan of laptop keyboards, the latter was to be connected to the iMac and will provide the infrastructure for a video media library.
The afternoon involved the usual round of dog walking and domestic duties and I'll make no further mention as this tale of domestic tedium is reaching levels where those of a sensitive disposition may be at risk.
Sunday continued in a similar vein; a trip to the Rugby club for TP to train, an enjoyable but muddy walk around the woods and fields by the club and an afternoon spent working out how to convert an extensive library of DVDs to MP4 files on the aforementioned new external drive.
The narrative may suggest something to the contrary but it was a great weekend.
---
* actually, reading through some Journal entries, I believe I have noted far more boring things than this
Friday, 6 January 2012
Calm before the Storm
It is Friday and the end of the first week of the year. To be fair it has been far less frenetic than it could have been due to a delay in the start of my latest project but a call on Friday morning indicated that this was truly the calm before the storm. As Fred Astaire put it so perfectly "There may be trouble ahead"!
As for Friday, I finished my input in to the spreadsheet from Hell and then send it on to the next unlucky recipient*.
I was pretty much finished by lunchtime and the afternoon involved nothing more arduous than a walk with T&M...
... oh, and a stroll out to the garage and log pile for kindling and err logs.
As for Friday, I finished my input in to the spreadsheet from Hell and then send it on to the next unlucky recipient*.
I was pretty much finished by lunchtime and the afternoon involved nothing more arduous than a walk with T&M...
... oh, and a stroll out to the garage and log pile for kindling and err logs.
---
* Think pass the parcel with horrific forfeits and absolutely no chance of winning the prize
Thursday, 5 January 2012
Work 'n Play
I have spent all of my working day cutting, pasting, re-calculating and re-formatting data ...
... Kill me now!
By five o'clock I had lost the will to live so I shut down the laptop, lit the fire and warmed my bones for an hour. By the time 30% arrived home I had recovered a modicum of enthusiasm and set to slicing the bacon that I finished curing earlier in the week. This meant that I also had an excuse to play with the vacuum packer that was a Christmas gift from 30%'s Mum and Dad.
This was the trial of the new cure recipe that contains star anise and needless to say a rasher got thrown in the pan for the necessary taste test. I can report that it works very well. The bacon has a sweet and spicy note to it's flavour and one of the four packs is most definitely not going to make it to the freezer.
The loin produced just under 3 lbs of bacon (about 36 rashers). I haven't the foggiest what it cost but would guess that it was in the region of £8 - £9. This give me cost of £3 per lb for the bacon which seems to compare very well with current supermarket prices.
... Kill me now!
By five o'clock I had lost the will to live so I shut down the laptop, lit the fire and warmed my bones for an hour. By the time 30% arrived home I had recovered a modicum of enthusiasm and set to slicing the bacon that I finished curing earlier in the week. This meant that I also had an excuse to play with the vacuum packer that was a Christmas gift from 30%'s Mum and Dad.
 |
| I just need a label printer now |
The loin produced just under 3 lbs of bacon (about 36 rashers). I haven't the foggiest what it cost but would guess that it was in the region of £8 - £9. This give me cost of £3 per lb for the bacon which seems to compare very well with current supermarket prices.
Wednesday, 4 January 2012
What is the definition of futility?
After a very easy Tuesday I started on what was to become a very tedious Wednesday. Initially I thought that I was going to have another quiet day but things changed after a call with a couple of pen pushers ...
... I now have to spend the remainder of my week extracting data from a series of spreadsheets, reformat it and and then paste it in to another spreadsheet. A colleague and I were repeatedly advised that this was a mandated process and there was a considerable amount of name dropping* when the discussion reached the subject of completion dates blah, blah, blah, blah.
It will not take a rocket scientist/brain surgeon/chimp scratching it's arse to realise that this electronic equivalent of form filling is not my favourite job as it's purpose is not clearly defined and it's value is easily questioned...
... let me give you an analogy in an attempt to explain the non relevance of this stupid bloody task...
... Imagine an Explorer stood on the coast of a newly discovered land. He arrived there by the usual route; heard a fascinating story from a drunk in a pub, researched the roots of this tale, combined this with a desire to see native ladies, who are renowned for having bare bosoms, and decided to seek funding for a voyage of exploration.
So now we find him stood on a white sand beach with a huge pile of boxes wondering a) where the matches are and, more importantly, b) where the native ladies are...
... we now leap many months forward in time. Our Explorer Chap has recruited porters, seen more bare breasts than you can shake a stick at, and has trudged hundreds of miles through almost impenetrable jungle. He has shot anything that came in to sight, has endured scorching heat and frightful diseases and, on more than one occasion, wondered whether it was actually necessary to bring a pianoforte on this journey.
All of this was in the spirit of exploration and our breast obsessed Explorer eventually returns home with a huge collection of exotic biological and ethnographic samples. He has sufficient tales to dine out on for the rest of his days** and last but not least A MAP.
Now imagine him returning to his Patron to be confronted by a couple of lackeys that have no interest in any of these discoveries and instead ask him to re-write and re-format his original exploration grant application.
Is it me?
I suppose I should point out that this analogy is not perfect but it is close enough. The truth of the matter is that I have been asked to present a set of costs as they were on the date of a particular review. This presentation takes no account of a series of major subsequent events that mean that this is no longer relevant...
... However, it is easier to tell my Dick of a Manager that I have been doing this rather than "playing with my iMac"
** although some of them will need to be cleaned up for mixed company
... I now have to spend the remainder of my week extracting data from a series of spreadsheets, reformat it and and then paste it in to another spreadsheet. A colleague and I were repeatedly advised that this was a mandated process and there was a considerable amount of name dropping* when the discussion reached the subject of completion dates blah, blah, blah, blah.
It will not take a rocket scientist/brain surgeon/chimp scratching it's arse to realise that this electronic equivalent of form filling is not my favourite job as it's purpose is not clearly defined and it's value is easily questioned...
... let me give you an analogy in an attempt to explain the non relevance of this stupid bloody task...
... Imagine an Explorer stood on the coast of a newly discovered land. He arrived there by the usual route; heard a fascinating story from a drunk in a pub, researched the roots of this tale, combined this with a desire to see native ladies, who are renowned for having bare bosoms, and decided to seek funding for a voyage of exploration.
So now we find him stood on a white sand beach with a huge pile of boxes wondering a) where the matches are and, more importantly, b) where the native ladies are...
... we now leap many months forward in time. Our Explorer Chap has recruited porters, seen more bare breasts than you can shake a stick at, and has trudged hundreds of miles through almost impenetrable jungle. He has shot anything that came in to sight, has endured scorching heat and frightful diseases and, on more than one occasion, wondered whether it was actually necessary to bring a pianoforte on this journey.
All of this was in the spirit of exploration and our breast obsessed Explorer eventually returns home with a huge collection of exotic biological and ethnographic samples. He has sufficient tales to dine out on for the rest of his days** and last but not least A MAP.
Now imagine him returning to his Patron to be confronted by a couple of lackeys that have no interest in any of these discoveries and instead ask him to re-write and re-format his original exploration grant application.
Is it me?
I suppose I should point out that this analogy is not perfect but it is close enough. The truth of the matter is that I have been asked to present a set of costs as they were on the date of a particular review. This presentation takes no account of a series of major subsequent events that mean that this is no longer relevant...
... However, it is easier to tell my Dick of a Manager that I have been doing this rather than "playing with my iMac"
---
* The same names that depend on me doing my proper day job to a) justify their existence and, more importantly b) be successful at it so they actually get a salary** although some of them will need to be cleaned up for mixed company
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
A close inspection of the grindstone
It was a major relief to find that the first day back at work after the Christmas/New Year break was incredibly quiet. I am about to start a new project and had been forewarned that I might have to hit the ground running today. It was therefore a complete delight to find my in-box filled with promotional e-mails from Amazon, eBay and many other Internet based retailers but nothing significant from my colleagues in The States...
... I therefore spent a few minutes filling my trash folder with the aforementioned "promotionals" and wondered what the hell I could do to fill the remainder of my day.
To kill some time I removed the flitch of back bacon from the fridge, washed off the dry cure and soaked it for an hour before wrapping it and hanging it in the kitchen. I had started this cure a couple of days after Christmas and am intrigued to see whether the star anise makes a difference to the flavour of the bacon. I suspect it will be sliced and taste tested before the week is out.
Back in front of the laptop I discovered that the only conference call of the day had been cancelled and hence my working day was to comprise nothing more than shuffling a few e-mails.
Away from work I took T&M for a VERY BLUSTERY walk. Over the past few days I have been using a whistle to attract their attention before giving them a command. The reason for this new approach is because they seem to be somewhat desensitised to verbal commands. This is probably down to the fact that we all prattle on to them like they are members of the family and hence they now ignore everything we say*. The whistle has caused a complete transformation. I have been using it in conjunction with edible rewards and the dogs now come charging back to me after a single blast. It is still early days and I have yet to use it to recall them from playing with another dog but it seems to have potential...
... watch this space.
I also managed to move my i-Tunes library from my work laptop to the iMac. After a bit of faffing the two devices talk to each other as nature intended and my laptop now has far less baggage cluttering up it's drives. I should probably point out that the "faffing" is down to my lack of familiarity with iTunes and Mac OS X rather than the machine.
... I therefore spent a few minutes filling my trash folder with the aforementioned "promotionals" and wondered what the hell I could do to fill the remainder of my day.
To kill some time I removed the flitch of back bacon from the fridge, washed off the dry cure and soaked it for an hour before wrapping it and hanging it in the kitchen. I had started this cure a couple of days after Christmas and am intrigued to see whether the star anise makes a difference to the flavour of the bacon. I suspect it will be sliced and taste tested before the week is out.
Back in front of the laptop I discovered that the only conference call of the day had been cancelled and hence my working day was to comprise nothing more than shuffling a few e-mails.
Away from work I took T&M for a VERY BLUSTERY walk. Over the past few days I have been using a whistle to attract their attention before giving them a command. The reason for this new approach is because they seem to be somewhat desensitised to verbal commands. This is probably down to the fact that we all prattle on to them like they are members of the family and hence they now ignore everything we say*. The whistle has caused a complete transformation. I have been using it in conjunction with edible rewards and the dogs now come charging back to me after a single blast. It is still early days and I have yet to use it to recall them from playing with another dog but it seems to have potential...
... watch this space.
I also managed to move my i-Tunes library from my work laptop to the iMac. After a bit of faffing the two devices talk to each other as nature intended and my laptop now has far less baggage cluttering up it's drives. I should probably point out that the "faffing" is down to my lack of familiarity with iTunes and Mac OS X rather than the machine.
---
* just like teenagers really
Who changed the rules?
Apparently it is no longer the "done thing" to have a G&T at eleven and a glass of wine with lunch.
It was "de rigeur" yesterday but today it is a key indicator ofimpending alcoholism!
It was "de rigeur" yesterday but today it is a key indicator of
Sunday, 1 January 2012
The Festivities draw to a close
New Years Day started a little before 9 o'clock with 30% presenting me with a cup of coffee in bed. This is a most unusual occurrence as she is not, by nature, an early riser*. After that splendid start to the day it was time to get a wriggle on as we had guests for lunch. I thoughtfully left 30% to the kitchen type stuff and got T&M out on their leads for a traipse around the Three Miler.
Now this might seem a little selfish but there was concurrence on this approach. By walking T&M early they would be a) tired and therefore far less boisterous on the arrival of our guests and b) it meant that neither of us would need to stir after munching our way through a splendid Sunday/New Years Day roast lunch to walk the little sods.
Lunch was lovely. We were joined by Trish and Andy who are the parents of one of TP's school friends; Nathan. It was Trish and Nathan who we accompanied to Twickenham back in November to see Australia destroy the Barbarians. Andy is more often to be seen project managing air-conditioning installations in Dubai but was home for Christmas and it was great to see him after nearly two years.
Nathan had joined us here at The Pile for New Years Eve which meant that TP had company and 30% and I could slump on the sofa and do little more than occasionally provide the boys with food and soft drinks.
Having read this entry I agree that it is a complete and utter temporal mess but I cannot be arsed to re-write it. Basically Nathan came for a sleep over yesterday and Trish and Andy joined us today for lunch. If it's not clear now it never will be.
If I mention the stuff about Trish borrowing the car for an airport run because hers is too small it just gets even more complicated so I'm not even going to mention that ...
Oh Shit I did, Hmmm, I'll just gloss over that and hope nobody notices that...
... needless to say we had a lovely start to the new year with proper friends. We ate good food and the company could not be bettered. I only hope the year continues in the same vein.
**then multiply by 6.34
Now this might seem a little selfish but there was concurrence on this approach. By walking T&M early they would be a) tired and therefore far less boisterous on the arrival of our guests and b) it meant that neither of us would need to stir after munching our way through a splendid Sunday/New Years Day roast lunch to walk the little sods.
Lunch was lovely. We were joined by Trish and Andy who are the parents of one of TP's school friends; Nathan. It was Trish and Nathan who we accompanied to Twickenham back in November to see Australia destroy the Barbarians. Andy is more often to be seen project managing air-conditioning installations in Dubai but was home for Christmas and it was great to see him after nearly two years.
Nathan had joined us here at The Pile for New Years Eve which meant that TP had company and 30% and I could slump on the sofa and do little more than occasionally provide the boys with food and soft drinks.
Having read this entry I agree that it is a complete and utter temporal mess but I cannot be arsed to re-write it. Basically Nathan came for a sleep over yesterday and Trish and Andy joined us today for lunch. If it's not clear now it never will be.
If I mention the stuff about Trish borrowing the car for an airport run because hers is too small it just gets even more complicated so I'm not even going to mention that ...
Oh Shit I did, Hmmm, I'll just gloss over that and hope nobody notices that...
... needless to say we had a lovely start to the new year with proper friends. We ate good food and the company could not be bettered. I only hope the year continues in the same vein.
---
* as understatements go this is one of monumental proportions; think along the lines of thousands of slaves dragging huge stone blocks up ramps in a desert to get some idea of the scale of this understatement****then multiply by 6.34
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Air Dried Ham; Day 21
So I find myself at the end of 2011; if you are expecting a neat summary of my achievements over the past year you are about to be disappointed. That would defeat the aim of keeping a Journal. If you want to know how the year panned out for me check the preceding pages.
The day started with an early wander around the Three Miler with T&M. I really owed them a walk as a combination of atrocious weather and a trip in to town meant that no walk had happened yesterday. The Christmas/New Year walkers were out in their hordes this morning and I counted more than a dozen of them. I have had a minor rant about them on previous occasions so I'll not bother with that today other than to make the observation that their numbers are expected to decline significantly in the next 48 hours and by the end of next week it will just be the usual miscreants out in the lanes.
After lunch it was time to excavate the leg of pork that I had been salting in the garage in preparation to make an air dried ham.
The leg weighed 6 kilos (a tad over 13 lbs) when it was placed in the salt on 9th December. After 21 days it now weighs 4.77 kg (10 lb 9 oz) so the salting appears to have reduced the weight by approximately 20%.
After a thorough rinsing in cold water the leg is patted dry and then given a good wash in white wine vinegar.
The day started with an early wander around the Three Miler with T&M. I really owed them a walk as a combination of atrocious weather and a trip in to town meant that no walk had happened yesterday. The Christmas/New Year walkers were out in their hordes this morning and I counted more than a dozen of them. I have had a minor rant about them on previous occasions so I'll not bother with that today other than to make the observation that their numbers are expected to decline significantly in the next 48 hours and by the end of next week it will just be the usual miscreants out in the lanes.
After lunch it was time to excavate the leg of pork that I had been salting in the garage in preparation to make an air dried ham.
It is then dried, wrapped in a double layer of muslin and then hung out in the garage for the next 6 months. All being well I should have a fine Prosciutto type ham towards the end of May 2012.
---
Other Stuff:
TP returned home today after a few days away with his Mum, Bro and Sis down at Grandma's.
On an entirely unconnected matter; 30% let Noggin & Tog have their first experience of outside today. Noggin nearly caused 30% to have a fit of the vapours when he headed straight for the main road. Tog, on the other hand, was far more cautious and took a long look around before a careful exploration of the patio. Having completed one circuit he re-entered the house with the look of a cat that thought the garden had not quite lived up to his expectations...
... perhaps he will change his mind when he discovers mice, shrews, voles and LBBs*.
On a slightly connected matter the Christmas Tree was taken to the local recycling point after achieving a world record three and one half day residence as a piece of living room installation art before cat attacks caused it to be deconstructed and placed in the garden. I think it says something that I liked it upright with baubles and lights intact whilst N&T preferred it sprawled across the floor with it's trimmings strewn across the room...
... We have a little under 12 months to rectify these artistic differences.
---
* Little Brown Birds
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
An Apple (a) day
Wednesday involved a trip over to Bad Man senior's to provide Step Mum Sue with what is know in the trade as a desk side visit. We had bought them a Kindle e-reader for Christmas and she wanted a little guidance on downloading books via the USB cable*. Having "closed that ticket" we took a brief trip in to Worcester before returning home for lunch and the daily walk.
The afternoon finally saw my new i-Mac removed from it's box and set up. It is a thing of beauty and after the painful tedium and irritating frustration of a Windows PC it is an absolute delight to use. It will take me a while to familiarise myself with the interface but so far it seems very intuitive...
... and as for the screen, it is huge and the image quality is amazing
... "Sue, can you Google this for me, Sue can you print that off for me, Where is that photo we took on holiday? etc etc".
The afternoon finally saw my new i-Mac removed from it's box and set up. It is a thing of beauty and after the painful tedium and irritating frustration of a Windows PC it is an absolute delight to use. It will take me a while to familiarise myself with the interface but so far it seems very intuitive...
... and as for the screen, it is huge and the image quality is amazing
---
* There are two things to note here; 1) "Senior's" home is not a wifi hotspot and 2) "Senior's" approach to computing is based around a very sophisticated voice interface ...... "Sue, can you Google this for me, Sue can you print that off for me, Where is that photo we took on holiday? etc etc".
Tuesday, 27 December 2011
Alternative Cure
It was another lazy day here at The Pile. The only item on the agenda was lunch with 30%'s Mum and Dad followed by a walk with T&M and an extended period of pottering.
I did start the cure of a loin of pork that 30% bought just before Christmas and has sat, until today, developing an inferiority complex beside a huge turkey carcass and a honey and mustard glazed ham in the fridge. Hopefully the cure will improve it's self esteem and in seven days time it will be happy to strut it's stuff as a full blown piece of dry cured, back bacon.
I have varied the dry cure by adding four pieces of star anise to the 2.25 kilos of dry cure mixture and it will be interesting to see what effect this has. It was recommended as an aromatic in the cure by a local butcher but the discussion did not cover quantities so it will be a case of trial and error to get the flavouring just right.
I did start the cure of a loin of pork that 30% bought just before Christmas and has sat, until today, developing an inferiority complex beside a huge turkey carcass and a honey and mustard glazed ham in the fridge. Hopefully the cure will improve it's self esteem and in seven days time it will be happy to strut it's stuff as a full blown piece of dry cured, back bacon.
I have varied the dry cure by adding four pieces of star anise to the 2.25 kilos of dry cure mixture and it will be interesting to see what effect this has. It was recommended as an aromatic in the cure by a local butcher but the discussion did not cover quantities so it will be a case of trial and error to get the flavouring just right.
Monday, 26 December 2011
Creme de Menthe & Banana; his finest hour
"Tell 30% not to worry about the dessert, I've got that sorted", these were the words that immediately followed bad man senior's acceptance of the Boxing Day lunch invitation...
... it did not take a rocket scientist to suss out that bad man senior would be bringing a trifle because EVERYONE loves a trifle and "senior" is famous, or possibly infamous, for his trifles. Let me explain; many, many years ago my mum was absolutely crazy for trifle. Now there is a hell of a back story about my mum that would fill volumes let alone a Journal entry but for the sake of brevity lets just summarise that a set of unfortunate circumstances in a Renault 4 left her as mad as a hatter and bad man senior as the main carer...
... and every Sunday Mater would INSIST on having trifle for tea. Now I am not exaggerating, my crazy mother would insist on trifle for tea and believe me it was easier to comply than suggest an alternative, much, much easier to comply...
... and so the fruity, slightly boozy, creamy dessert that every loves on special occasions became a Sunday staple at my childhood home and since then I have done my best to avoid them. It is not that I dislike trifle but I have developed a theory that every human being has a natural trifle limit and that I exceeded mine at some point in 1978. I'm not actually sure what happens in the result of a major trifle overdose but you can be sure that I am not going to risk spending time in intensive care due to some close-to-fatal jelly/sherry synergistic poisoning...
... 30%, on the other hand, is still way off the point of trifle toxicity and as a consequence is more than happy to be presented with a free trifle. Pater, who is inordinately fond of 30% is therefore more than willing to present her with one of his specialities. Hence Boxing day lunch was to include a sherry trifle dessert.
I should point out that over the years Dad's natural curiosity and tendency to experiment perhaps combined with a lack of sherry lead him to develop a number of interesting trifle variants. The main source of his inspiration was a 1960s G Plan side board with a drinks cupboard that was filled with, you've guessed it, a 1960's liqueur collection. He lays claim to the first ever use of Tia Maria in a trifle and I have no reason to doubt that he has used Cherry Brandy, Baileys and Cointreau rather than endure the ire of my mother.
Yes, over the years I have sampled every type of trifle known to man and a certain number that are banned in all but the most lawless of parts of the planet ...
... out of politeness I agreed to a small portion and was served something the size of a small family car. I lifted the first spoonful to my mouth and it was just as I remembered it ...
... "Thanks Dad, it was lovely"
... it did not take a rocket scientist to suss out that bad man senior would be bringing a trifle because EVERYONE loves a trifle and "senior" is famous, or possibly infamous, for his trifles. Let me explain; many, many years ago my mum was absolutely crazy for trifle. Now there is a hell of a back story about my mum that would fill volumes let alone a Journal entry but for the sake of brevity lets just summarise that a set of unfortunate circumstances in a Renault 4 left her as mad as a hatter and bad man senior as the main carer...
... and every Sunday Mater would INSIST on having trifle for tea. Now I am not exaggerating, my crazy mother would insist on trifle for tea and believe me it was easier to comply than suggest an alternative, much, much easier to comply...
... and so the fruity, slightly boozy, creamy dessert that every loves on special occasions became a Sunday staple at my childhood home and since then I have done my best to avoid them. It is not that I dislike trifle but I have developed a theory that every human being has a natural trifle limit and that I exceeded mine at some point in 1978. I'm not actually sure what happens in the result of a major trifle overdose but you can be sure that I am not going to risk spending time in intensive care due to some close-to-fatal jelly/sherry synergistic poisoning...
... 30%, on the other hand, is still way off the point of trifle toxicity and as a consequence is more than happy to be presented with a free trifle. Pater, who is inordinately fond of 30% is therefore more than willing to present her with one of his specialities. Hence Boxing day lunch was to include a sherry trifle dessert.
I should point out that over the years Dad's natural curiosity and tendency to experiment perhaps combined with a lack of sherry lead him to develop a number of interesting trifle variants. The main source of his inspiration was a 1960s G Plan side board with a drinks cupboard that was filled with, you've guessed it, a 1960's liqueur collection. He lays claim to the first ever use of Tia Maria in a trifle and I have no reason to doubt that he has used Cherry Brandy, Baileys and Cointreau rather than endure the ire of my mother.
Yes, over the years I have sampled every type of trifle known to man and a certain number that are banned in all but the most lawless of parts of the planet ...
... out of politeness I agreed to a small portion and was served something the size of a small family car. I lifted the first spoonful to my mouth and it was just as I remembered it ...
... "Thanks Dad, it was lovely"
Sunday, 25 December 2011
I definitely wasn't expecting that
It was a quiet Christmas day here at The Pile; dogs were walked, food was eaten, a few drinks were imbibed and presents were exchanged.
TP is now kitted out for his skiing trip in February and 30% was overjoyed with her hand bag and blown away by the unexpected ear rings...
... as for me, I was thoroughly spoilt. I won't go in to details but a transvestite granny smith with some associated infrastructure sums up a few of my gifts quite neatly...
... and as for the mounted wild boars head; MENTAL!
Merry Christmas
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
TP is now kitted out for his skiing trip in February and 30% was overjoyed with her hand bag and blown away by the unexpected ear rings...
... as for me, I was thoroughly spoilt. I won't go in to details but a transvestite granny smith with some associated infrastructure sums up a few of my gifts quite neatly...
... and as for the mounted wild boars head; MENTAL!
Merry Christmas
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, 24 December 2011
We need a couple of concrete blocks
So Christmas Eve dawned and immediately after breakfast TP and I set out for a local Nursery to pick up the Christmas Tree. There had been much debate about how a tree would fare with two very inquisitive kittens but we finally succumbed subject to a few provisos set out by 30% as to which desecrations could be hung from its boughs.
After the purchase of the tree I took T&M for a quick whizz around the Three Miler before we nipped in to Worcester for some traditional last minute shopping. Last weekend's trip in to Stratford had been less than successful and TP and I really needed to get a little something special to put in 30%'s stocking. We had a loose plan but our initial forays were less than fruitful. Absolutely every thing we saw just wasn't quite right. We therefore broke off from our search and went for an old favourite; perfume. As we wandered back towards the car I had to admit that I wasn't totally happy with the selection of gifts. That ideal little something just hadn't been found and then the clouds parted and a shaft of light illuminated the Jewellers window and there they were ...
... a gorgeous pair of ear rings that were a perfect compliment to the necklace that she treasures. Within a matter of minutes they were gift wrapped and we were heading back to the car park. Shopping done we joined Jools for a late lunch and exchange of gifts before heading home.
Back at The Pile the tree was unwrapped and installed in the living room where TP and I dressed it. It lasted less than an hour before Noggin and Tog had climbed it and brought it crashing to the floor. It was then decreed that the kittens needed to be accompanied in the lounge at all times until twelfth night*
Imagine now a speeding clock with the hands settling at six in the evening. 30%'s family join us for the Village Carol Concert. This is a fantastic open air celebration on the Green under the Christmas Tree. It is very well arranged with a local Silver Band and PA System, so that everyone can hear the melodies, and Carol Sheets so that everyone knows the words. It is always well attended and it is not unusual to draw in visitors from several miles away. It might seem odd, considering my lack of faith, to enjoy a carol concert but I do despite my renowned inability to carry a tune.
After the concert 30% served Dinner. Further exchanges of presents occurred and by half past nine we had the house to ourselves once more. As we settled down to relax Noggin and Tog returned invigorated and resumed their attack on the Christmas Tree. It was toppled at least once more and several of the decorations were strewn across the floor. It now stands a noticeable few degrees off vertical and I think that TP will need to redecorate at some point tomorrow.
As we retired to bed I pointed out that we need a couple of concrete blocks to sort out the tree. "What?" she enquired, "to weigh down the base and make it more stable?"...
... "No" I replied "We tie one to each of the cats. That will stop the little sods wrecking it"
After the purchase of the tree I took T&M for a quick whizz around the Three Miler before we nipped in to Worcester for some traditional last minute shopping. Last weekend's trip in to Stratford had been less than successful and TP and I really needed to get a little something special to put in 30%'s stocking. We had a loose plan but our initial forays were less than fruitful. Absolutely every thing we saw just wasn't quite right. We therefore broke off from our search and went for an old favourite; perfume. As we wandered back towards the car I had to admit that I wasn't totally happy with the selection of gifts. That ideal little something just hadn't been found and then the clouds parted and a shaft of light illuminated the Jewellers window and there they were ...
... a gorgeous pair of ear rings that were a perfect compliment to the necklace that she treasures. Within a matter of minutes they were gift wrapped and we were heading back to the car park. Shopping done we joined Jools for a late lunch and exchange of gifts before heading home.
Back at The Pile the tree was unwrapped and installed in the living room where TP and I dressed it. It lasted less than an hour before Noggin and Tog had climbed it and brought it crashing to the floor. It was then decreed that the kittens needed to be accompanied in the lounge at all times until twelfth night*
Imagine now a speeding clock with the hands settling at six in the evening. 30%'s family join us for the Village Carol Concert. This is a fantastic open air celebration on the Green under the Christmas Tree. It is very well arranged with a local Silver Band and PA System, so that everyone can hear the melodies, and Carol Sheets so that everyone knows the words. It is always well attended and it is not unusual to draw in visitors from several miles away. It might seem odd, considering my lack of faith, to enjoy a carol concert but I do despite my renowned inability to carry a tune.
After the concert 30% served Dinner. Further exchanges of presents occurred and by half past nine we had the house to ourselves once more. As we settled down to relax Noggin and Tog returned invigorated and resumed their attack on the Christmas Tree. It was toppled at least once more and several of the decorations were strewn across the floor. It now stands a noticeable few degrees off vertical and I think that TP will need to redecorate at some point tomorrow.
As we retired to bed I pointed out that we need a couple of concrete blocks to sort out the tree. "What?" she enquired, "to weigh down the base and make it more stable?"...
... "No" I replied "We tie one to each of the cats. That will stop the little sods wrecking it"
---
* Fat Bloody Chance
Friday, 23 December 2011
Nothing of huge import to impart today.
Cathy H-R turned up on the door step with the Turkey and after a brief natter departed safe in the knowledge that she had a buyer for half of the pig she would be slaughtering in February.
T&M were then taken for an early walk and were subsequently bathed as the lanes are even muddier than last reported. We then all tidied ourselves up and nipped over to a reasonably local pub for a non-birthday lunch.
In the afternoon I set to boiling a large gammon joint that was finished off in the oven with a honey and mustard glaze ... mmm!
30% was also creative in the kitchen* and TP amused himself by tidying his bedroom and searching for the i-Phone 3 that has been lost for the best part of a week.
Dad and a small sampling of Sues** paid visits with cards and gifts in the late afternoon and the evening revolved around the trinity of sofa, log burner and television.
** Mad Bat and Step Mum Sue
Cathy H-R turned up on the door step with the Turkey and after a brief natter departed safe in the knowledge that she had a buyer for half of the pig she would be slaughtering in February.
T&M were then taken for an early walk and were subsequently bathed as the lanes are even muddier than last reported. We then all tidied ourselves up and nipped over to a reasonably local pub for a non-birthday lunch.
In the afternoon I set to boiling a large gammon joint that was finished off in the oven with a honey and mustard glaze ... mmm!
30% was also creative in the kitchen* and TP amused himself by tidying his bedroom and searching for the i-Phone 3 that has been lost for the best part of a week.
Dad and a small sampling of Sues** paid visits with cards and gifts in the late afternoon and the evening revolved around the trinity of sofa, log burner and television.
---
* Delia's Black Bean Chili ** Mad Bat and Step Mum Sue
Thursday, 22 December 2011
Quote of the Day
On the last team call before Christmas our charming manager had managed to issue the most insipid and insincere Christmas wish to the team. It was delivered as though it was a trivial and unnecessary annoyance in his otherwise perfect agenda.
Golfy and I had a post call analysis ...
Golfy and I had a post call analysis ...
Golfy He is the Black Hole of mirth
bad man He needs a fucking good kick in the event horizon
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
I'm putting the band back together...
Yes, you heard it right. I'm putting the band back together ...
... after the mega successful tour earlier this year ,where we covered 14 EMEA countries and made a couple of Stateside appearances too, the record label have asked me to put the band back together for another European tour.
It is great to be going back on the road but this is tinged with sadness as I know that I am unlikely to get the original 2010/11 line-up back on the tour bus. I know for a fact that Fat Deb is not going to be on vocals but, to be honest, she never knew the running order of the set and was always forgetting the lyrics so that's no great loss. Her replacement looks like he has a top notch rock 'n roll pedigree judging by his surname and I am expecting great things, in fact a Quality performance, from Mr Bowie.
Judge Dread is back on the team too, having been appointed by the record label to make sure that our performance is as good as it can possibly be and that we don't have any problems with prop malfunctions when we go live.
It is with great, and hopefully mutual, disappointment that Tigger is not lined up to take on his usual role at the keyboard. He is currently performing in the Armada Room at the Holiday Inn with Merv and the Magic Tones*. We've had a couple of chats about him coming back and he's keen but there seems to be some contractual/managerial issue that means that he's forced to sit there looking down the cleavages of senior citizens while picking out the notes of The Girl from Ipanema on his organ.
The Brass Section is made up of the usual Europeans. They are not the most sociable of guys but they have an unnatural ability to put so much in to their work. I cannot recount the occasions where Tigger and I looked at their previous performances and were truly incredulous at what they could fit in to their moments in the spotlight.
So there we have it, most of the band are lined up and ready to start rehearsals in early January. There are going to be some rough nights ahead of us but what else can you expect with American Management. Now where did I put my favourite Harmonica ?
... after the mega successful tour earlier this year ,where we covered 14 EMEA countries and made a couple of Stateside appearances too, the record label have asked me to put the band back together for another European tour.
It is great to be going back on the road but this is tinged with sadness as I know that I am unlikely to get the original 2010/11 line-up back on the tour bus. I know for a fact that Fat Deb is not going to be on vocals but, to be honest, she never knew the running order of the set and was always forgetting the lyrics so that's no great loss. Her replacement looks like he has a top notch rock 'n roll pedigree judging by his surname and I am expecting great things, in fact a Quality performance, from Mr Bowie.
Judge Dread is back on the team too, having been appointed by the record label to make sure that our performance is as good as it can possibly be and that we don't have any problems with prop malfunctions when we go live.
It is with great, and hopefully mutual, disappointment that Tigger is not lined up to take on his usual role at the keyboard. He is currently performing in the Armada Room at the Holiday Inn with Merv and the Magic Tones*. We've had a couple of chats about him coming back and he's keen but there seems to be some contractual/managerial issue that means that he's forced to sit there looking down the cleavages of senior citizens while picking out the notes of The Girl from Ipanema on his organ.
The Brass Section is made up of the usual Europeans. They are not the most sociable of guys but they have an unnatural ability to put so much in to their work. I cannot recount the occasions where Tigger and I looked at their previous performances and were truly incredulous at what they could fit in to their moments in the spotlight.
So there we have it, most of the band are lined up and ready to start rehearsals in early January. There are going to be some rough nights ahead of us but what else can you expect with American Management. Now where did I put my favourite Harmonica ?
---
* That's a nowhere gig if ever there was one.
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Weather Report
I know that the odds were against it and with over 40 years experience of British winters I knew there was virtually no chance of a repeat of last year's December snow fall but I always hoped for more of that fantastic weather. Yes, it was incredibly cold with temperatures down to minus 20 degrees centigrade, but it was beautiful.
This December we have the opposite. It is mild and soggy and my daily walk is becoming an exercise in avoiding mud splattered roads, soaking wet fields and woodland paths that have turned in to sloughs. The reason for this pedestrian delicacy is not personal. I can simply take off a pair of muddy boots and throw on a clean pair of jeans. No, the reason for this mud avoidance is for the sake of T&M. They both have long coats and these are a magnet for water and mud. As a consequence our walks are planned to take in the dryer routes with the aim of avoiding daily baths and long hours spent drying in the hall before they are allowed in to the lounge.
Hopefully we will get a cold snap soon as slippery muddy paths and soggy dogs do tend to diminish the enjoyment of my daily walk.
This December we have the opposite. It is mild and soggy and my daily walk is becoming an exercise in avoiding mud splattered roads, soaking wet fields and woodland paths that have turned in to sloughs. The reason for this pedestrian delicacy is not personal. I can simply take off a pair of muddy boots and throw on a clean pair of jeans. No, the reason for this mud avoidance is for the sake of T&M. They both have long coats and these are a magnet for water and mud. As a consequence our walks are planned to take in the dryer routes with the aim of avoiding daily baths and long hours spent drying in the hall before they are allowed in to the lounge.
Hopefully we will get a cold snap soon as slippery muddy paths and soggy dogs do tend to diminish the enjoyment of my daily walk.
Monday, 19 December 2011
Noggin & Tog or is it Toggin and Nog?*
I've not made any significant mention of Noggin and Tog since they turned up towards the end of September. They have both settled in amazingly well and from day one seemed totally unflustered by the over eager attentions of Tyson and Marauder.
Just the other day I was sat at the laptop and Noggin; the confident one was sat on a chair beside me. He decided to entertain himself by reaching through the back of the chair to bat Tyson about the head with his paws. Tyson's response was to take this quite stoically and "gently" snap at his paws when they came within reach of her jaws. Fortunately Noggin's fearlessness was matched by Tyson's patience and this game continued for several minutes before Noggin' became distracted by the cursor moving across the computer screen.
Noggin is quite a character; very inquisitive and always the first to investigate anything new in the house. It is Noggin who has learnt that the alarm goes off at seven and can be found purring by your ear at five minutes ahead of the hour because he knows that cat food is imminent. Noggin is the mountaineer who quickly picked out the route to the summit of island in the kitchen and then leapt to each and every work surface. He has advanced further and can now leap straight from floor to work surface**.
Noggin is the cat who likes to sit in stuff and is never happier than having a box, basket or virtually any container to curl up in.
Tog, on the other hand, is completely different. He loves company and is curled up beside me now. He even likes being stroked but he is not one for being picked up or carried and is far less confident or athletic than Noggin. He is, in my opinion, stunningly handsome with broad, dark, ginger stripes covering most of his body with only his belly, chin and paws white.
He is very alert but he is not the athlete that Noggin is becoming. Tog aspires to be able to reach the worktops and has even attempted the ascent of the stool that leads to the summit of the island. Unfortunately for him he can make it to the second rung but, like many a novice mountaineer, has not sussed out how to master the overhang that is the seat...
... this is bad news for 30% and me because he is now developing the habit of climbing up the backs of our legs in an attempt to reach the kitchen surfaces. And that bloody hurts!
** I know it is not hygienic but virtually all cats do it. Even Eddy with his three legs can manage it but only if yowling at someone to lift him up fails.
Just the other day I was sat at the laptop and Noggin; the confident one was sat on a chair beside me. He decided to entertain himself by reaching through the back of the chair to bat Tyson about the head with his paws. Tyson's response was to take this quite stoically and "gently" snap at his paws when they came within reach of her jaws. Fortunately Noggin's fearlessness was matched by Tyson's patience and this game continued for several minutes before Noggin' became distracted by the cursor moving across the computer screen.
Noggin is quite a character; very inquisitive and always the first to investigate anything new in the house. It is Noggin who has learnt that the alarm goes off at seven and can be found purring by your ear at five minutes ahead of the hour because he knows that cat food is imminent. Noggin is the mountaineer who quickly picked out the route to the summit of island in the kitchen and then leapt to each and every work surface. He has advanced further and can now leap straight from floor to work surface**.
Noggin is the cat who likes to sit in stuff and is never happier than having a box, basket or virtually any container to curl up in.
 |
| Noggin trying out a handbag for size |
He is very alert but he is not the athlete that Noggin is becoming. Tog aspires to be able to reach the worktops and has even attempted the ascent of the stool that leads to the summit of the island. Unfortunately for him he can make it to the second rung but, like many a novice mountaineer, has not sussed out how to master the overhang that is the seat...
... this is bad news for 30% and me because he is now developing the habit of climbing up the backs of our legs in an attempt to reach the kitchen surfaces. And that bloody hurts!
---
* 30% wants to rename them as she says their names are too similar and therefore confusing. ** I know it is not hygienic but virtually all cats do it. Even Eddy with his three legs can manage it but only if yowling at someone to lift him up fails.
Sunday, 18 December 2011
From Stratford to Rugby
There is not a huge amount to report from the weekend.
I took TP in to Stratford to do some Christmas Shopping and have to say it was not the most successful of trips. To be fair a lot of that is to do with the quality of retail establishments in the town but TP's disinterest and general vagueness needs to be combined with crappy shops and the Seasonalmorons crowds to give you an idea of the experience. I see a trip in to Worcester at some point next week to pick up something suitable for TP to present to 30%.
Sunday morning was the usual outing for Rugby, it was an "away" match and it did not look promising as we stood waiting for the kick-off and snow fell from a very grey sky. Fortunately the flurry was brief and the sun soon made an appearance. The opposition were very good and TP's team were soundly beaten. I have to be honest though and note that TP played with a lot more aggression, was catching and passing very well and made a couple of solid attempts for the try line only to be brought down by some sizeable opponents. Other observations from the match are a) that the Full Back is an idiot, very keen but still an idiot, and needs to play his position or not play at all and b) the captain needs to develop some maturity and pass the ball out to the backs rather than playing like he is a team of one.
The trip home was concluded with a brief visit to the Supermarket and I bought a huge gammon joint that will become a honey roast ham subject to me finding a pan big enough to boil it in.
I took TP in to Stratford to do some Christmas Shopping and have to say it was not the most successful of trips. To be fair a lot of that is to do with the quality of retail establishments in the town but TP's disinterest and general vagueness needs to be combined with crappy shops and the Seasonal
Sunday morning was the usual outing for Rugby, it was an "away" match and it did not look promising as we stood waiting for the kick-off and snow fell from a very grey sky. Fortunately the flurry was brief and the sun soon made an appearance. The opposition were very good and TP's team were soundly beaten. I have to be honest though and note that TP played with a lot more aggression, was catching and passing very well and made a couple of solid attempts for the try line only to be brought down by some sizeable opponents. Other observations from the match are a) that the Full Back is an idiot, very keen but still an idiot, and needs to play his position or not play at all and b) the captain needs to develop some maturity and pass the ball out to the backs rather than playing like he is a team of one.
The trip home was concluded with a brief visit to the Supermarket and I bought a huge gammon joint that will become a honey roast ham subject to me finding a pan big enough to boil it in.
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