Where did Saturday go?

My feet hardly touched the ground today ...

... I was out of bed at a reasonable 7.30, let the chickens out, grabbed a sedate cup of coffee and then the day started. First task was a trip in to the DIY store to collect the timber for the cupboard that I am building in to the alcove in the dining room. The trip was reasonably successful and after unloading supplies I was back out in the Defender to pick up a free pig's head that had been offered yesterday by Kathy H-R.

It was the usual story; a pig had been killed and butchered and the customer had no use for the head. I gratefully received the off-cut and confirmed that I would be more than happy to take the heads of the two that were due to be slaughtered over the next couple of months too. I then trundled back to The Pile and set about separating the cheeks from the jaw bones and the ears from the skull. The former are now sat in the fridge on day one of a Guanciale cure and the latter were rubbed with oil and roasted as a treat for T&M.

After clearing the body parts and mess from the kitchen I found time for a quick coffee* before I went back in to Redditch to collect TP from his Saturday morning volunteering session at the Charity Shop. The trip home included a diversion to the Feed Merchants to pick up Layers Pellets and Sawdust and then I threw together a light lunch for TP and me.

After lunch I got TP to assist with unloading the Defender and moving a selection of tools from the garage to the dining room which has become a temporary workshop for the next few weeks. I then headed out around the Three Miler with T&M. My return from the walk coincided with 30% arriving back home from a shopping trip to Birmingham so we caught up on each other's news before I headed out AGAIN to collect Bad Man Senior's Morticer and a few other workshop sundries that will make life easier over the next few weeks.

I didn't stay long at BMS's but caught up with their news but hopefully avoided catching the cold that has infected SMS. Back home I found a few minutes to get acquainted with the Morticer before I was called in for an early supper...

... we were joined by Emma as tonight we returned to Warwick Arts Centre to see Jack Dee's stand up tour. Chippy Ian and Deb also came along and a great night was had by all. After more than twenty years in the business there is not lot more that needs to be said about Jack. He was at ease on the stage a delivered an endless stream of dry, sarcastic and extremely funny anecdotes and stories. It was clever and engaging and well worth the effort to get there after what had seemed to be a non-stop day.

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* If you read this paragraph in isolation it makes me look like the most casual Serial Killer ever.

It's been a bit of a week ...

... and that pretty much sums it up; nothing major has happened but I have been head down on the new project trying to get to grips with what is being done and what needs to be done. I haven't swayed from my initial opinion that the current team are a little "light weight" and that with more experience and a few swift kicks in the arse they could be performing better than they are and making more profit. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, it's not my job to sort them out but they have a tendency to suck me in to the day to day operations and they seem to want to drag me  in to a number of activities that  are most definitely not my job. I do what I can but my overriding conclusion about the Account Team is I'm fairly certain that they just don't get "it". Let's hope that if we are successful on this one Dante's see fit to bring in some experienced personnel to captain this ship.

After an intense day at work I tend to prefer an extended period of vegetation on the sofa so two evenings out on Thursday and Friday weren't really what I had in mind. Thursday saw us out in Birmingham to see John Bishop on his current Rollercoaster tour. He performed at the National Indoor Arena which is a huge venue and it takes a particular talent to connect with an audience and personally I don't think Bishop quite made it. He has a likeable persona but the act was more of an audience with rather than a stand up gig and his material was probably best described as amusing rather than laugh out loud funny. The script was mostly a series of anecdotes based around family and friends and relied on funny situations rather than sharp writing or clever construction. Overall I'd say 6/10 and would recommend borrowing the DVD from a friend as, in a venue that size, you end up watching the screens rather than the performer anyway.

This evening saw us over at Warwick Arts Centre to see Jason Byrne's People's Puppeteer tour. After last night's average performance I wasn't really sure what to expect having only seen a couple of clips of Byrne on TV. What I saw was a great routine, perhaps helped by the mid, front row seats. As with Bishop it was an anecdote based set but Byrne's surreal lunacy and manic pace made it incredibly funny. He took great delight in the fact that he had a fifteen year old in the front row and made several references and apologies to TP during his set. TP actually ended up on stage a couple of times; one of which was to participate in a Space Hopper bouncing routine. All in all I much preferred this to Bishop's gig which seemed lazy in comparison and Byrne gets a commendable 8/10.

Tomorrow sees us at Warwick again to see Jack Dee. I really could do with a night in as I need to prepare for Monday's presentation.

15 Hour Day

"Ah" I hear you say "a fifteen hour day, that's easy, mine are all twenty four hours long"...

... yes, and so are mine but this one had the added excitement of leaving the house at twenty past five in the morning and not walking back in until twenty past eight in the evening. Add in an endless series of meetings and the mid afternoon realisation that my total food and drink intake before wolfing down supper had been limited to a slice of wholemeal toast, two apples, three cups of coffee and a glass of water.

The aim of the day was to get under the skin of the latest Client and try to understand what they required from us and the timescales for the delivery. I have to be honest and say that it was all rather muddled with a distinct lack of detail and I have already raised a number of warning flags highlighting where we are likely to run aground.

This is an existing client that wants us to make a number of changes to Global and local service. They are making it very clear that that the existing service needs to improve if they are to continue to use Dante's as a Supplier. The arrangement between us and them is most peculiar and a lack of clarity combined with weak management and unrealistic expectations may well be the route cause but it is only in recent times that this Account has gone bad, having been a star performer a year or so ago. I am wondering whether we have ignored this client and used the Account as a training ground for new personnel as the existing team seem either inexperienced or perhaps even a little dull  .. in the way that scalpels are not.

Ah well, I have my work cut out as the timescales are ridiculously short and the there are a number of deliverables that need to be, well err, delivered.

It looks like I will be hammering out the e-mails tomorrow.

As I mentioned early in this entry it was gone eight by the time I arrived back home and was delighted to have 30% proffer wine and dinner within minutes of me climbing out of my suit. It probably comes as no surprise that I then simply vegetated until bed summoned at not long after ten.

Catching Up

Friday: A floor gets laid

After much procrastination I finally chained myself to the Laptop and completed the first draft of my Presentation. The driving force behind this sudden flurry of activity was an instant message from IM offering to review my work so I thought it a good idea to have something to review. That session went reasonably well and, although I have some work to do, I am heading in the right direction.

On the home front; Chippy Ian arrived bright and early and made a start on laying the floor boards. By the end of the day just over half the room had been finished and it is going to look fantastic on completion. Ian thinks it will be done by Monday and I will then take over and fix the skirting boards and convert the corner alcove in to a cupboard. I just hope that my carpentry skills are up to it. Ian also gave me a mission to complete over the weekend as he needs about one hundred and fifty oak plugs cutting to conceal the screws that hold the oak boards to the joists. He will also need to come back at some point to finish the installation of the fireback but his work schedule and the need to acquire vermiculite and fireproof mortar means that this will be at some yet to be defined point in the future.

Saturday:

Today started with the now regular trip in to Redditch to drop TP off for his voluntary duties at the Charity Shop. 30% accompanied me and we killed several birds with the same stone by combining this trip with a visit to the Super Market and other retail establishments. Key visits were the Butchers where we collected the leg of pork for the next air dried ham and the Gallery next door where, after two weeks of waiting, the half wit manager presented us with three mounts that were the wrong size. After the two week wait we were somewhat riled when he advised that he could re-cut the mounts and have then ready by lunch time…

… needless to say we took a refund and I found myself cutting the mounts later in the afternoon.

The day continued at a leisurely pace and we were joined for supper by 30%’s brother’s Girlfriend who, from this point forward will simply be referred to as Emma because the relationship based descriptive is far too complicated for my liking. She had been made redundant this week and Stevie is in Madrid at the moment so she joined us for “tea and sympathy”. She has taken this really positively and is already polishing up her CV and linking up with contacts to find a new position.

Sunday: Air Dried Ham - day one

It was another early start with a walk around the Three Miler with T&M whist 30% dropped TP off at the Rugby Club for pre-match practice. We then drove back to the club later to watch the match …

… it is probably best if I leave it there as they had an appalling match, played indifferently at best and got their sorry arses kicked by a very strong opposition.

After lunch I dragged the leg of pork from the fridge and started the air drying process. It is now sitting in a large plastic box, packed with 25 kg of salt and underneath a weighted board. It needs to be salted and pressed for 3 to 4 days per kilogramme of pork and at 14.5 lbs it will be the end of the month before it is ready to be washed, wrapped and hung up in the garage to dry.

I spent most of the remaining afternoon out in the garage where I was supposed to be cutting oak plugs for Ian…

… I actually found a few off cuts of oak floor boards and knocked up a picture frame instead.

It was an early night too as I need to haul my sorry arse out of bed at five o’clock tomorrow morning to catch an early train up to London. It looks like my quiet spell is coming to an end.

Things are starting to happen

Chippy Ian arrived at the crack of sparrows this morning and after half an hour of catching up with each others' news he made a start on the Dining Room. I did my best not to disturb him but seemed to supply an endless stream of tea so I could avoid doing what I was supposed to be doing and check on progress instead.* By the end of the day the floating joists had been tied together by inserting a small forest of noggins and the slate hearthstone was settled on a solid bed of mortar.

On the work front I have been tasked with progressing a new project which is associated with an existing Client's Account. I spent a few hours digging around  to get an idea of what I was supposed to be doing. It was the usual mess of unclear requirements, a Sales Team that want it done as quickly and as cheaply as possible and Account and Delivery  Executives that have only recently joined the team. It came as no great surprise that there had been relationship and client satisfaction issues and a combination of new management combined with a history of crappy service performance doesn't bode well for getting to the route cause or any fundamental facts for that matter. Scariest encounter of the day was with a colleague who performs an almost identical role to mine within the confines of the Account. He advised that he was a Contractor, had been in the role for three months, had no idea of his roles and responsibilities and had no training in the tools he was required to use. This is the equivalent of trying to buy a steak from a Vegan Butcher who has never held a knife before ... it is no wonder that Dante's is having problems if this is the calibre of personnel they are willing to employ at considerable expense...

... I gave up for the day and put my glad rags on as we then went over to the Artrix in Bromsgrove to see Mark Watson's stand up show, The Information Tour. It was a great night and he delivered a rapid, verging on manic, stream of anecdotes, jokes and stories with a nervy but engaging style. I have to say that he deserves a Geography House Point for knowing the capital city of Burkina Faso.** In summary it wasn't the best stand up performance I have seen this year but it was an engaging routine and I'd definitely watch out for his next show. 7.5/10.

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* I was required at intervals to assist with shifting the fire surround, the positioning of the hearthstone and sundry fetching, carrying and lifting activities.
** Ougadougou

For the past two days ...

... I have been mostly avoiding developing a PowerPoint presentation.

I have however made it to the tip as Chippy Ian is here tomorrow to make a start on laying the Dining Room floor and I needed to dispose of the old chipboard flooring panels.

Ouch!

Monday was one of those rare days when I had nothing pressing to do. My recent documentation activities are just about complete and all I needed to do was to chase a couple of colleagues for their missing contributions.

I therefore took time out and finished off my mirror project by waxing the frame and inserting the mirror glass. It now hangs in the spare bedroom and goes rather well with the chest of drawers I refurbished a month or so back.

The day ambled on and I filled an hour with a walk and eventually it was time to collect the Defender from the workshop...

... Mark was his usual self and enthused about the general condition of the car, the fact that the Land Rover market was still quite buoyant and that following the refurbishment it was probably worth £500 to £1000 more than I paid for it four years ago. Unfortunately this did little to soften the bill for the service, MOT, brake callipers and CV joint.

 I now need to seriously disturb the wallet moths.

First Match of the Season

It was another early start today and I found myself out on the Three Miler well before nine o'clock. TP had a rugby match this morning and plan was to get the dogs walked beforehand so that 30% and I could spectate.

The first Under 16 match of the season was a reasonable start and although TP's team didn't win they put in a great performance, scored a couple of tries and held a more experienced team at bay. It will be interesting to see how they perform against some of their old rivals after a little more training and more match experience.

In the afternoon I retired to the garage and made a few adjustments to the rebate in the mirror frame I glued up yesterday. I then flipped it over, sanded and oiled it. Tomorrow's goal is to apply a coat of wax and insert the mirror glass.

And that is the sum of Sunday's activities; a quiet day at The Pile with some amateur sport and a pinch of DIY.

Project work

Saturday started with a flurry of activity and by eleven o'clock I had dropped TP off at the Charity Shop* and had taken T&M around the Three Miler. On my return it was time to get myself tidied up and 30% and I were out again. This time it was to a local Butcher to order a tunnel boned leg of pork for the next air dried ham. We took a sample of the ham we had unwrapped and sliced last weekend as it was purchased from the very same Supplier. I think it was fair to say that the Butcher was impressed by the product of our labours and took a few slices for his colleagues and Boss who is an air dried ham aficionado. I'll get the expert verdict when I pick up the leg next weekend. We then went back in to town and collected TP and a few groceries.

In the afternoon I retired to the garage and spent a couple of hours turning a few lengths of elm floor boards in to a mirror frame. I had plugged the nail holes in the boards last week and today I got medieval with a belt sander before routing a rebate to hold the mirror glass and a decorative beading on the face of the boards. It was then a case of cutting the mitres and using biscuit joints to hold the frame together. I glued it up and left it sat on the work bench to set.

If all goes well it will be sanded and oiled tomorrow.

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* He "volunteers" there. I didn't leave him there to be put on a shelf with 50p scrawled inside his jacket.

Nearly finished

It was another quiet day at the laptop as I polished prose and inserted contributions from colleagues. I fired an updated copy over to IM and he eventually got back to me advising that he had only read half of it but that it looked good.  I'm on target to finish and submit it early next week and then just have the associated Presentation to develop ...

... I'm not sure how I feel about the Presentation. I know my subject and the documentation is accurate and of good quality. I guess I am just worried about "left field" questions putting me off my stroke.*

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* Having read that I have to say that I have managed to produce a dreadful mixed metaphor resulting in the intriguing concept of Baseball with combined Rowing.

This Sounds Expensive

I had an early start this morning as I had to drop the Defender off for a Service and MOT test. I left it in the oily hands of Mark at MP Trading and went about my day. Calls were listened to, documentation was drafted and IM was true to form in that he "totally forgot" that he had agreed to review some material when I gave him a gentle nudge late in the afternoon.

Towards the end of the day I called Mark to see whether the car was ready for collection. He advised that it had passed it's MOT test with only a need for two rear shock absorbers but ...

... it really needed a new ball joint fitting at the front and inspection of the front brake calipers showed that the pistons were corroded. He advised that he could replace the pistons but the labour costs meant that new calipers were actually the more economical repair. It looks like I am going to be driving the courtesy car until Monday as the workshop is very busy and he will need to squeeze it in around a few jobs.

As it says at the top of this entry ...

As Dull as Monday's ditch water

If I thought yesterday was a non-event, today was even worse. I completed the re-write of my documentation and arranged for IM to actually review it properly and provide some feedback. That was it. That was how I spent my entire working day.

To break the massive tedium I did take a walk around the Three Miler with T&M and also had a brief spell pottering in the garage.

The only news of any import is that TP played a rugby match for the school team and managed to damage his little finger within a couple of minutes of running on to the field. The good news was that his team won 15:10, the bad news is that he may have broken his little finger which could mean that he has to defer his Grade 5 Guitar examination. Like the concerned parents we are, we decided to see how it improves over the next day or so before deciding on taking a trip to A&E.

Wordsmithing vs Taxi Driving

Tuesday was a quiet day spent re-drafting a reasonable chunk of my documentation and calling in favours from colleagues where I would like them to make a contribution. As is usual I achieved less than I would have liked but am on target to have a finished product by the beginning of next week.

Away from work I headed out on the Three Miler suitably prepared with scuba gear  and wellingtons. I was disappointed to find that all of the flood waters had subsided apart from a single, shallow fluddle.* It was easily avoided but I wandered through the middle in attempt to justify the discomfort of walking in wellingtons.

In the evening my grumbling stomach told me that the rugby season was definitely here as supper was delayed by a couple of hours to fit in with mid week practice. There also seems to be a significant increase in the demands on Dad's Taxi Service with a pick up from school** and two return trips to the rugby club.

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* fluddle: noun, a pool of standing water too large to be a puddle but too small to be called a flood. A fluddle must be large enough to cover the full width of a road to merit the term.
** one of his bloody mates managed to tear away one of the retaining straps for the tip up seats in the back of the Defender. I swear if I ever meet that child in a darkened alley ...

Splosh

After what seemed like twenty four hours of rain it was another miserable day as I sat down at my desk to start the working week. My motivation levels were still minimal but I had a review call arranged with IM this morning to see whether I had wasted my time last week. True to form IM had failed to read either the meeting invitation or the draft document embedded therein so was typically unprepared for the call. He read through my work on the hoof and advised that I was well on the way but needed to hone my work to have more impact. I am somewhat encouraged by this but the cynic in me would have preferred it if those comments had come after a thorough deliberation rather than a hasty skim through.

Early in the afternoon the rain had eased off somewhat so I grabbed my hat and coat and took T&M for a walk. At a couple of places the roads were ankle deep in water and I had to take to the overgrown verges to avoid getting wet feet...

... However, as I neared home I was confronted by one hundred yards of flooded road and a choice. I could either turn back and walk five miles rather than three or attempt to get through the flood without getting a soaking.  At this point in the route the drainage ditches had filled and were overflowing back on to the road through the gullies that are cut in to the earth verges. I was presented with a narrow strip of overgrown land that I needed to traverse. To my left was a flooded road and to my right was an overflowing ditch. Marauder had already made some investigations of the depth of the flood water and in places it was a foot or more deep.

I started to make my way along the verge and periodically had to step over gurgling gullies that were emptying on to the road. After seventy or eighty yards I was presented with a dilemma. The flood water now covered the verge and my way was now blocked unless ...

I must have a word with the infographics team.

... if I could manage a four foot jump from a standing start I would be able to clear the flooded ditch and use the fence on the other side as a horizontal ladder to clear the last few yards of flood water. I leapt with a rare degree of grace and landed with the tiniest of splashes. I was still quite dry and all I needed to do now was clamber along the fence past the deepest part of the flood. T&M obligingly followed getting very wet. My plan was working and after thirty feet I could see the road rising from the flood waters. All I needed to do now was jump back across the ditch and I would be home dry within a quarter of an hour. I turned so that I was facing the span and again jumped from a standing start. I landed right at the very edge of the flooded ditch and time slowed as my left foot lost it's grip and slid down in to the depths ...

... my leg went in right up to mid thigh and it was a very soggy walk back through the village.

Filling Time

Bright eyed and bushy tailed we all loaded ourselves in to the car for the regular Sunday morning trip to the Rugby Club. 30%, T&M and I took off for a walk around the fields and woods whilst TP trained. We got back to the pitches around eleven to be instantly pressed in to signing a permission slip ...

... it appeared that the Under 17s were short of players and TP had volunteered to move up a year group and help out. He joined the game for the second half and ended up out on the right wing where he had a reasonable game. He didn't really get to run with the ball but made a good few tackles and no mistakes. The only downside to this first game of the season was that the rain started about twenty minutes before the final whistle and we were all quite soggy by time we climbed back in to the car.

I had nothing planned for the rest of the day and found myself out in the garage where I sorted out some lengths of old elm floorboards to be recycled in to a mirror frame. Last week 30% found an old bevelled mirror glass at the Charity Shop where TP volunteers and, with a little time and effort, it will be converted from junk in to a reproduction antique. I spent an hour or so dismantling the mirror and trimming the boards to a consistent width. I also cut some elm plugs and used these to fill any nail holes that would otherwise be visible in the finished piece...

... a few worm holes add character but a nail hole just looks shite.

Junk or Raw Materials?

Air Dried Ham: Day 282

Around the middle of December last year I bought a leg of pork with the aim of producing another air dried ham. After three weeks packed in salt it was washed in white wine vinegar, lovingly wrapped in a muslin shroud and hung up in the rafters of the garage to dry. Now nearly nine months later it was time to examine the fruits of my labours ...

After nine months hanging in the garage a dark green mould could be seen through the muslin wrapping.  Mind you, in view of some of the recent projects, it could just be an accretion of sawdust.

After unwrapping it was apparent that the mould was restricted to the cut surface of the ham. The skin was spotless, incredibly hard and a deep tan in colour.

There was absolutely no odour emanating from the ham and the next stage was to give it a thorough washing in white wine vinegar before paring away the outer surface. It was then a case of lugging the bacon slicer in to the kitchen and loading the ham in to the cradle.

 The first few slices were very dry and more akin to Jerky than ham but after a few more cuts we were rewarded with millimetre thin slices of a prosciutto type delicacy. It has a robust flavour with a saltiness that screams out for an accompaniment of wine or beer. I think it fair to say that I'll be starting the cure on another in the next month or so.

Lacking Enthusiasm

In an attempt to get some feedback on the documentation that has been my focus this week I fired off a copy to a senior colleague and also set up a review meeting with IM early next week. The lack of clarity on what is required is a great demotivator and, to be honest, I did very little other than that in the final working day of the week.

At lunchtime I hitched up the trailer to the Defender and set of for the centre of Worcester to pick up the slate hearthstone. I took the trailer as I had no idea how heavy the stone would be and didn't fancy wrestling it in and out of the Land Rover if it weighed a ton. I also took the view that if it was really heavy it could just sit in the trailer until Chippy Ian was ready to fit it. I subsequently found out that it was a manageable weight and took the stone mason's advice that it would be safer in the car where it stood less chance of being bounced around...

... I will obviously require TP's assistance to unload it before rugby training on Sunday.

The rest of the day was uneventful and in the evening we decided that cooking was not for us and took a wander down the road to see what was on offer at one of the local hostelries. We walked in to receive a number of "what are you doing in here" type looks from a group of drinkers at the bar and then headed towards the restaurant area which was ominously dark and quiet. It appears that it has, yet again, changed hands and the last management team removed all kitchen equipment on their departure* ...

... As a result we drove to a local that has very little atmosphere but has two massive advantages; it is very close to home and serves decent food at a reasonable price. There is nothing there that encourages one to linger so once our appetites were sated we headed back home and were relaxing on the sofa a few minutes before nine o'clock. It might seem a little lame to be home so early but, after a fairly busy week, popping out for a quick supper and then being able to chill on the sofa seems like the best of both worlds.

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*This is not the first time that we have had this type of experience there and explains why we are such infrequent visitors. It really is a case of changing hands every couple of months.

Picture Post No. 17

Thursday was even more tedious than Wednesday and my frustration level is increasing as I fail to get any feedback on the work I am doing.  I have therefore opted for a Picture Post rather than continue to moan about work.

This little fellow was snapped at the San Diego Zoo back in 2006 and is a fair representation of what I would much prefer to be doing.

A Quickie

Not a lot to report for today; more words got typed but I have no idea whether I am producing literary genius or complete and utter bollocks. I really need to get an hour with Idiot Manager and get him to review the stuff and advise accordingly. I know that it is not exactly what he wants but I need to get a steer on whether I am heading in the right direction or so lost it would need military satellites to track me down. IM is one of the assessors of this piece of work and, for once, his opinion might actually be of some value.

Putting work to one side, I knocked off at a very civilised four o'clock as I needed to collect TP and one of his mates from school after rugby practice. I killed two birds with one stone by taking a slight diversion and dropped an old pine trunk over at Dave the Strippers. It is quite a nice old piece and is a great place to store the Christmas decorations but at some point in it's history it has either been stained or polished with a very dark wax. It is not a nice colour but a quick dip in Dave's tank should soon put that right.

Nose to the Grindstone

Today was most definitely not an exciting day and, to be honest, I don't expect much from the rest of the week either. I have been sat in front of the laptop drafting and redrafting documentation. I really need to get this job done and it will benefit me but I really don't like doing it. As a result I have to goad and bribe my self in to completing this task ... "No bad man, you can't have another cup of coffee until you've finished this section" or the traditional "Come on you lazy Fuck, you know it will be worth it in the end".

As a bit of an aside, as I was typing the preceding sentences I mistyped laptop and instead found myself sat in front of the alp top. Now that would have been splendid. I could really enjoy a few hours of Mountain views rather than this head scratching, keyboard pecking torture.

At the end of the day I had completed less than I had hoped for but more than I had achieved on Monday so at least I am heading in the right direction. I just hope that the material is up to scratch.

Away from work; I had my annual flu jab, the dogs got walked and TP was taken to evening rugby practice. I even found time to pop over to see BMS and SMS to drop off the photographs of Tilly.

As I said in the opening paragraph; not the most exciting of days.