Winding Down

So I find myself on the last working Monday before Christmas. As a result of deal time lines and budgetary issues I don't have any work this week and at the moment it looks like I will spend most of the week ... ahem ... "training".

But before worrying about how to fill my hours I made a leisurely start to the week and eventually left the house shortly after nine for a check up at the Dentist. As usual, my Dentist has the ability to spot a cracked filling from fifteen feet away and I shall be back there in the New Year to have the offending amalgam removed and renewed.

I then trundled in to the Nearest Circle of Hell where I actually managed to find some proper work to do for an hour or so before meeting up with Golfy and others for the unofficial works Christmas Lunch. Dante's Nine Circles of Hell is far too tight to fund a staff Christmas "Do" and anyone who has ever been to a canteen Christmas Lunch will know that such an event manages to dilute the festivity to a level where a) one wonders why the fuck they have to wear a paper hat and b) why the fuck the only thing on the menu is Turkey? One of our number was conscious of these facts and, being one of those people who "likes to organise things", and arranged for a gathering at the Rose & Crown for a decent Christmas Lunch.

It was a really nice "do". It was very informal, there was none of the awkwardness that happens when management are on the guest list and everyone there knew each other well enough to spend the time merrily taking the piss whilst enjoying a decent meal.  The only thing missing was a couple of drinks but neither driving nor rolling back in to the office slightly oiled are good ideas. I was going to say "at this time of year"  but I cant think of any good times to be drunk in the Office or the car.*

A couple of hours later we headed back to the Office and loitered for a while before heading home. If I am honest my loitering was minimal and I took up most of the time sat in the refectory drinking coffee and nattering to Golfy and Granddad Jack before a swift ext at four o'clock.

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*  There may be exceptions to this. For example I was drunk in the car last Friday but I am yet to decide whether being chauffeured by 30% is a good thing or not.** I cannot however think of a single scenario where being drunk in the Office would be a good thing.
** it is however much better than being left on the side of the road or in a pub car park.

I'm sure Sundays used to be longer

I'm not sure what happened to Sunday. One minute I was drinking coffee and raising 30% and TP from their slumbers, the next I was slouched on the sofa watching the end of a film and thinking about my bed. Sunday seems to have raced by and I am sure that if I look closely some nefarious individual has stolen a few hours of it because I am sure they are usually longer than this one.

The morning had a reasonably early start as we had an away game over near Leamington Spa. We were all quite looking forward to the match as TP's team have done well against them at every clash and we hoped for an away win. It was a scrappy game but we came away 19:0 victors from a match supervised by a reluctant referee of dubious skill level. TP played out on the wing and scored twice in the match but had one of the tries disallowed as a forward pass was alleged however, he had a very good game despite the fact that he was playing at position he doesn't really enjoy.

By the time the lads had scoffed a post-match chicken curry it was past one o'clock before we headed back taking in a minor detour to drop one of TP's team mates home in Bidford. At home we were greeted by an enthusiastic T&M and a hasty lunch was taken before I was straight out in to the lanes for a long over due walk.

I returned home around three and, after a quick coffee break, was out in to the garage to apply myself to a Christmas project. I spent the next couple of hours getting an elm frame cut and assembled as it needs to be completed, have a mirror inserted and then be wrapped in the next few days.

By the time I had tidied up dinner was being served and then it was a few hours of relaxation in advance of the working week.

Hung Over.

I definitely felt a little shabby this morning after last night's antics. Note to self; after six months with minimal alcohol intake, polishing off a bottle of Blackberry Vodka with James Bond after several glasses of fizzy and a couple of glasses of Red with Dinner was probably not my best move. According to 30% I committed no major crimes and will be able to face the hosts and guests who were possibly more drunk than I.

I fortunately avoided a headache but was definitely not my best as we headed in to Worcester for a spot of Christmas shopping. I put on a brave face and didn't moan once but must admit that I was pretty pleased when 30% announced that she wasn't really in the mood for shopping and suggested returning home for lunch.

We did this and then I dutifully headed out around the lanes to walk off some of T&M's limitless energy. I was back home by about three and settled on the sofa ...

... the next thing I recall is waking in the dark with a crick in my neck. I had slept for a couple of hours and 30% had retired upstairs to bed to do the same. Our laziness continued in to the evening and a Chinese meal was ordered and collected. Further alcohol was also avoided as I needed to drive back out towards Worcester late in the evening to collect TP form his girlfriend's house.

I really have got to get my arse in to gear and get some of this Christmas shit sorted!

The deadline arrives.

By the time Friday morning arrived my in-box contained all of the necessary approvals. These were dutifully saved as evidence and I ensured that the Pricer and the Sales Exec were informed ...

... and that was it. There was nothing else for me to do. I had an easy day and I took advantage of it. T&M were walked and we got soaked as the hard frosts have been replaced by a cold rain. Other than that I just kicked my heels. I had a call late in the day where the Sales Team quibbled over how they were going to present the Proposal, which messages would fit and which would not be palatable but, to be honest at four o'clock on a Friday after the past few weeks I really did have no real enthusiasm for it.

It was then time to shut everything off and get in to weekend mode. I showered and shaved as this evening we are meeting up with Bond, Moneypenny, Rosie and Jim at Maison R&J.

If I am honest it is likely to get very messy later on. I have a strong suspicion that I am not going to be at my best when we head in to Worcester for a spot of Christmas shopping tomorrow.

It really should be Friday 13th

Today looked like it was going to be easy. I had a few calls to attend and needed to be around to answer any questions that might arise. Other than that I had nothing of any great urgency so settled down for a long overdue rest skive.

All was going swimmingly. I had marked out my mirror frame in preparation for cutting and had a fantastic walk around the frosty lanes. Shortly before lunch I had made a start on preparing this evening's Bolognese sauce when my instant messenger started to ping incessantly. It was the Pricer and she needed me to urgently check some numbers for her. After ten minutes with a spreadsheet I provided her with my numbers and she advised that she had confused cost with price and I was not to worry ... git!

As the afternoon trundled on things started to get worrying ...

... Our price is due for presentation tomorrow and late in the afternoon the Account Executive started asking peculiar questions like "why are these costs still in the proposal" and "why haven't these changes been executed". The Pricer, Sales Exec and I were a little stunned by these last minute scope changes and responded with an answer that went along the lines of "this is the first we have heard about changing the solution as we thought these elements were still to be proposed".

It is fair to say that the discussion became a little heated especially once the Pricer and I had realised that her instruction to us had been cryptically contained within an e-mail addressed to the client and on which we had been carbon copied. On re-reading the note I can most definitely advise that it is far from an instruction to re-solution and throughout the past couple of weeks I have spoken to her on a daily basis where I have been most clear on what I am, and am not, doing.

The Client Exec was insistent that the changes needed to be made in time for tomorrow's presentation. We advised that this was a significant piece of work and that SMIs should really be engaged and a series of re-approvals should also be requested and obtained. This resulted in the Exec taking on the persona of the wicked witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz.* We let her rant on for a while and took quiet amusement as we attempted to pin down her requirements and made her backtrack a number of times due to her general confusion and tendency to contradict herself.

The net result of the call was that we would start to progress the changes but would most definitely not subvert process, all necessary approvals would be obtained...

... There are changes and then there are CHANGES. The ones we are being asked to make sit as the less risky end of the spectrum but they are significant enough for us to run in to real trouble in later rounds of this deal unless we have sufficient Executive awareness and consent at this stage. I put a quick call in to IM and soon found myself in a three way conversation with him and his Boss. A pragmatic way forward was soon found and Boss Lady has the clout to allow us to proceed and meet the deadline.

All I needed to do was spend a couple of happy hours crafting carefully worded e-mails, making changes to cost models and chasing reluctant senior managers for approvals.

When I find the time I am going to get to the bottom of why we found ourselves in this mess.

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* not particularly scary, but quite comical

Job Done ?

Today started way too early. I was awake at five o'clock and eventually gave up on sleep and crawled out of bed at six. The most frustrating thing about this is that I have no real need to get up early, work is appointment free and TP is out of school on study leave. The one day I could have a lie-in my body clock decides I don't need one.

As I mentioned yesterday, today has the potential to sit at either end of the Fucking Nightmare ... Absolute Breeze spectrum. I am waiting on one final approval before I can officially hand my work products over to the Pricer and this all depends on the whim of a very Senior Daemon. It would have been premature, verging on impolite, to chase for his response so I did what any home worker with a slack day would do and glued and cramped the two panel door I have made.

I just need to trim and hang them now.

How to make life more complicated - add details.

After putting the door to one side to dry I wandered back to my laptop and found a response from the Senior Daemon in my in-box. The e-mail contained a single word; Approved. My response was also a single word; Result. This meant that I had achieved my deliverable within stated timescales and would now be taking on the role of Consultant for the rest of the week and we all know what that role involves.*

I informed my colleagues of this final tick in the box and then spent the rest of the day attending the same call on three occasions. I suppose I had better explain this as one might be mistaken and assume that each call was a repeat of the first but  it was even more peculiar than that ...

... in the early afternoon the Sales Exec had arranged a progress review call to which I dutifully dialled in. We spent two minutes celebrating the formal completion of my solution and another twelve discussing winter holiday destinations. It became apparent that we would not be joined by the rest of the team so the call was abandoned and rescheduled for a couple of hours later ...

... I therefore routed the beading detail on a mirror frame I am making and dialled back in at the scheduled re-start. The same thing happened again and the Exec and I were the only attendees. A second reschedule was arranged and the call eventually happened right at the end of the day. The call was long and most irrelevant to me and I used the time to get the fire lit. It is amazing what one can achieve with a cordless 'phone on mute.

All being well I should not have any further work allocated this side of Christmas and will spend next week on education and training before the Christmas/New Year Break.

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* Loitering on conference calls, not taking actions, providing opinions whether requested or not, avoiding answering questions etc. In summary being a pain in the arse, know-all that doesn't really add value. What a job!

Break on through to the other side **

This morning we finally got some sense out of the Delivery Team and they agreed to approve the work we have done provided we load in some extra effort. The justifications they provided for this extra cost were weak but in view of the tight timescales we took it on the chin and loaded in the extra headcount. At one point in the debate there was a discussion about whether this additional labour should be delivered from India or the UK. Obviously my preference for India would be much less costly and when I was asked whether I would split the labour across these two locations I simply replied "no". I didn't follow it up with any explanation or justification. Neither did I offer any compromise. I simply, point blank, refused with one tiny, but incredibly powerful, little word. The effect was amazing. There was a pause and I could hear mental gears grind and then a simple acceptance of this position. Within a few minutes I had the call wrapped up and verbal approval given subject to me drafting and issuing a set of minutes.

The rest of the day was hitch free and by early afternoon I had the first two of the three approvals in the bag and was drafting a carefully worded e-mail to the Lord High Daemon of Delivery to seek his continued Blessings. All being well I will have this done and dusted by tomorrow.*

During lulls in the working day I cut the mortices and panels for the second of the doors I am making and, by early evening, had fine tuned the joints and completed a dry fit. I'm pleased with the result and will get it glued up and cramped tomorrow morning.

I also managed a swift walk around the Three Miler and as I headed back down the lane towards the village I came across a number of sheep stood in a gateway ...

... with no gate between them and Tyson! I was amazed as she simply looked at them then turned and returned to me in response to my startled call.

It looks like the training is taking effect. Mind you, if they had been pheasants things would have been very different as both she and I regard them as fair game.

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* ... or I will be having a nightmare of a day.  It all hinges on the Daemon's decision; a yes will mean plain sailing for me through to the end of the week, a no will mean that I will have to cross very stormy sea's at a record pace.
** a little cryptic perhaps but it seemed to fit with both work and leisure activities.

Here we go again

Monday was pretty much as expected; this week I have to get a set of costs revised, approved and priced before they are issued to the client on Friday.  The tricky link in that chain of events is the approval stages. I need three approvals; one from the Account Team, one from the Team responsible for the Service Tower and finally one from the Lord High Daemon of all Delivery Matters. Each of these approvals needs to be obtained in turn, like dominoes, if one falls they all fall!

Much of today has been taken up with attempting to obtain the Account Team's approval. On would've have thought that they would just rubber stamp it as they are the ones that are keen to offer an attractive package to the client on 14th December but their Delivery Exec has been nothing but a complete pain in the arse. After two lengthy calls she has still not managed to compete a review of the detail despite agreeing to look over the material on the first call. I finished the day with her promising to have completed her review by ten o'clock on Tuesday morning.

To make matters worse she is a ditherer and a waffler and calls with her rapidly spiral in a confused mess where actions and issues are as easy to grasp as ghosts in fog.

...................... help meeeeeeeeeeeee.

Away from work I spent my time cutting the tenons in the rails of the second cupboard door.

It is fair to say that, at present, the amount of time spent writing about an activity is inversely proportional to the enjoyment I get from it!

Weekend Round Up

It probably comes as no surprise that much of Saturday was taken up with woodworking. I made an early start and nipped in to Redditch to pick up some 6mm ply for the door panels and a bale of wood shavings for the chicken coops. The latter item had a slight tinge  of irony in view of the huge amount of sawdust I have generated over the past couple of days. On my return I set to and cut the mortices in the door stiles. I was finished by lunch time and, after eating, took T&M for a walk.

The remainder of the afternoon was spent trimming the mortices and tenons to ensure a tight fit. By the time a G&T had been poured, the door had been glued and cramped and, if I say so myself, it is a reasonable first attempt.

Sunday started with an early walk around the Three Miler. The plan was to get T&M exercised and then go over to the Rugby Club to watch TP play. As we passed the half way point on our walk a car puled up along side me and the Driver asked if I had seen three loose horses. Apparently they had escaped overnight and he proceeded to provide a description of the escapees. I advised that I would keep an eye open for them whilst wondering why he had provided a description of the three equines. I suppose it was just in case there was an entirely different trio of escaped nags racing around the Parish too...

... the final leg of my walk takes me back in to the Village through a lane of 1960's housing with wide swathes of manicured lawns in front of each and every house. As I wandered up the road I heard that unmistakeable clatter of horseshoes on tarmac, followed by the repeated thud, thud of large horses running across soft, pristine turf. I stayed and assisted with the herding of the beasts until the owner arrived with his posse and made ham fisted attempts to catch the skittish animals. There were plenty of them so I left them to it and wandered the last half mile home.

The rugby match was against TP's old team and we hoped for a long awaited victory against his old team mates. Once again we were frustrated as TP's team failed to take every opportunity to convert possession in to points and came away  with a 29:17 final score in favour of the opposition.

The rest of the day was spent back at the work bench preparing the stock for the second of the cupboard doors...

... and doing my best to avoid thinking about the nightmare that next week is likely to be.

I could quite get in to a Three Day Week

Today started with an early walk around the Three Miler. I was back shortly after ten and had a quick coffee with 30% before she nipped out to pick up Bad Man Senior and a few essentials for lunch. While 30% was about her errands I made a start on cutting the tenons on my cupboard project as a visit by BMS has a natural tendency to limit my productivity and I did want to achieve something today. That is not to say that his visit was not welcome as I love spending time with him and the great thing about today was that I had no idiots from Dante's Nine Circles of Hell distracting me.

Dad arrived and after we had extricated him from the pack of enthusiastic, welcoming dogs we had coffee and I took him on a tour of the latest projects. The coffee and chat extended through to a lingering lunch break and then we settled in front of the fire.

30% dropped BMS back at home in the early afternoon whilst I drove over to collect TP from school. The reason for this unusual parental attention was that he had his Grade 5 Rock Guitar Examination this afternoon and I took on the role of Chief Roadie* and was required to deliver the guitar and locate the venue for his performance. Apparently the exam went well but we will need to wait two or three weeks before he gets his results.

The evening was spent finishing off the tenons and setting up the new Morticer. I am hoping that I will have my first door completed tomorrow.

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* it is fair to say that I was more miserable, sweary Roadie rather than relaxed, stoned, hippie Roadie this afternoon due to a rather casual exit from school by TP, a need to be at the exam venue a good fifteen minutes before the test and a need to search two adjacent Industrial Estates before I managed to locate Unit 31B!

Did I mention Marauder got clipped?

In all the excitement of yesterday's emergency dash to the Village Green, to assist VI, I forgot to mention that Marauder also got clipped. She is absolutely delighted to be rid of that long warm coat as we head in to a week of alternating frosts and cold rainy spells. At one point I was worried that M would look like she had suffered a terrible attack of mange when the clipper blades became blunt part way through the clip. She was left with clumps of hair on her legs and belly and looked to be suffering from a most dreadful skin condition. I needed to be inventive with an alternative set to finish the job and from a distance she looks now quite good.

Note to self: Get the blades sent off to be sharpened.

Today has been the first day of my very long weekend and it can be summed up with the phrase "mostly wood work". After taking T&M for a good walk first thing, I wandered out to the garage and made a start on project number one. We have decided to make 30%'s brother's girlfriend an elm framed mirror for Christmas. She has admired and commented on the ones we have hanging around the house so this morning was spent selecting some lengths of timber, ripping them to size, belt sanding off the accumulated crap and drilling and plugging the nail holes. They were then left for the glue to dry and tomorrow I will sand them and rout a beading detail on the face.

The next job was to make a long overdue start on the cupboard doors in the Dining Room. These are to be constructed using a traditional mortised frame with floating panel approach and much of the day was spent preparing the timber. The stock needed to have rebates cut to hold the panel and then a bead detail was added to the face of the wood. The bead adds a much needed design element but complicates the mortice and tenon joints by adding a mitre element to the joint.

My head hurt after marking and cutting four of these

I still need to cut the actual mortices and tenons but managed to complete the mitre elements before we had an early supper and then headed over to Warwick Arts Centre to see Al Murray's; The Only Way is Epic show.

VI takes a tumble

As expected I was formally asked to apply standard metrics to our  light bulb changing activities today. I did what was needed to be done; I set expectations around delivery timescales, I requested resources, I briefed them and then I set my out of office and buggered off for a couple of days. Other stuff happened but I can't be bothered to record it here apart from the fact that there is huge amount of internal and client politics going on at the moment and these are all impacting the work that I am doing. My approach is just work out what can be done in the time available and get on with it, making sure that the Execs are either informed or in agreement ... if I am lucky; both.

We are in the final straits now. Pricing modifications need to be completed over the next few days and our revisions will be presented on 14th December. We will then sit back and await the Client's decision.

As I was loitering for the final conference call of the day an unrecognised number came up on my 'phone ...

... it was the long suffering wife of Village Idiot. To be honest I haven't seen much of VI recently as his muscle wasting disease is taking a significant toll, so I was concerned when she advised that he had fallen over on the Village Green whilst feeding his sheep and she couldn't lift him. I said I would be there in five minutes, threw on a hat and coat and climbed in to the Land Rover.

I trudged across the sodden Green as dusk turned to dark and found VI on his hands and knees in the mud with his LSW taking a rather relaxed attitude to the unfolding events. We attempted to support him on either side and lift him upright but his legs are no longer strong enough to support his weight and lock straight. After a couple of further failed attempts we tried another tack and found a depression the edge of which formed a natural seat. VI sat on the edge and dangled his legs in to the dip. On this attempt we were finally able to get him upright and quickly gave him his walking stick to keep the Bugger upright.

We wandered slowly across the Green in the dark with VI joking about his condition. His final words of the day were of gratitude and the reminder that he had said that he would only ask for my help when he was really in the shit and today ...

We could really do with a 100 watt, Edison Screw

There were no real surprises today. As expected, the Sales Execs pushed for me to reduce the number of men we have changing light bulbs. I pointed out that there had been no information given to inform why we have so many men involved in this activity and, as a consequence, I was not able to say we can do it with less. It may be that we have particularly lazy men and can kick them up the arse replace them but it may just as well be that our light bulbs are very difficult to change and that very long ladders are needed for each one. If that is the case then cutting the headcount would not be sensible as we would soon be wandering around in the dark bumping in to God knows what!

I am guessing that tomorrow will be very similar but I am on holiday on Thursday and Friday and, to be quite frank, am so fed up with this crappy deal that they can all go and fuck themselves.

How many men does it take to change a light bulb?

It is a good question.

Last week the UK Sales Exec and I were continuing the forensic analysis of the costs for the latest project and noticed an unusually high metric. When I say high I mean high as in if you look down there you can see the top of Everest high. Basically the Delivery Team use an unusually high number of personnel to support their servers. I was expecting a football team but found the top half of the Premier League! We tested this figure and found that our model was well aligned with reality and that is where our problems really started ...

... The thing is that our client is suspicious of our server costs too and, for once, I agree with him. The net result of this is that I have been asked to completely rework this part of our solution and have it priced and ready for presentation by the end of this week. I pointed out that this was not feasible but suggested an alternative approach whereby we could cost some additional servers at standard support metrics and use these to lower our overall costs. Fortunately the Execs agreed and that is this week's task.

This is not an ideal approach but the time constraints force us down this route. It does however mean that we avoid the steaming pile of manure rather than poking it and clearing it away ...

... why the hell are there so many people supporting servers on this Account? Are they useless, lazy idiots? Is the hardware so appallingly assembled that is needs to be hand held from one near disaster to the next? None of these questions has been answered and, if the Delivery Executive is to be believed, she needs more people to look after the tin not less!

So today I ensured that my Server Guy was working on the task and all was going well until early in the afternoon when the client advised that the additional server volumes had plummeted from a several racks full to a couple hid under a desk. This was very worrying as the fewer the number of additional servers the less impact their frugal support metrics would have on the bloated delivery team. Bugger!

I pressed on and late in the day a further mail arrived from the client advising that they had cocked up their additional volumes and they were back to where we had started this morning. Phew!

Just as I was closing down for the day the Sales Exec called again and advised that he wants me to re-solution all of the server support for the full estate based on Standard metrics. My response was that the Delivery Exec had been in the job for at least nine months and had not managed to achieve this so how the hell did he think I could get that solution approved. He nodded sagely ...

... but I am guessing that he still wants me to go down that path with two working days left.

This tale of today might sound dreadful but I have actually had a quiet day and dogs have been walked and I even made a start on clipping Tyson. Her body is now fairly neatly shorn and I just need to finish off her face and feet before we go out tomorrow.

Marauder, You are next!

Weekend Round Up

It seemed like this was the first "normal" weekend for a long time. Over the past month or more I have either had to work, run around like a mad thing or be constrained in one way or another. This weekend however there was nothing planned. I didn't need to be anywhere, I didn't need to prepare for anything and I didn't need to produce anything. It was as close as possible to two blank days on the calendar.

Saturday started with a drive over to Redditch to drop off TP for his final day of volunteering at the Charity Shop. 30% and I then continued on out towards Wythall to pick up some timber for the doors I need to make for the Dining Room alcove cupboard. After loading up we headed back home via Alcester to collect a photo for framing. Once home there was time for a walk around the Three Miler whilst 30% went to collect TP and then lunch.

In the afternoon we all went in to Worcester for a wander. Unfortunately we had failed to carry out adequate research and wandered in to the middle of some sort of Christmas Fayre. The streets of the City were absolutely stuffed with aimlessly wandering halfwits. It had the appearance of a zombie movie where the main cast and extras had lost their appetite. I will admit that I am not the most patient of people but can usually cope with city crowds however this was a order of magnitude worse and was more like a queue for free money than a city street. Even the far more tolerant 30% was making statements along the lines of "if I had known this was on I would have stayed at home". It was the usual Christmas assemblage of craft, food and card stalls that magically appear from the end of November to the 24th December. They were all there, their owners all wear festive clothing or traditional costumes and were selling things that one would never buy for their own home but somehow seem to think will make the perfect present for someone else.

We didn't really have anything specific to achieve but I had taken in my troublesome camera that was bought in America last year.  Following it's repair I had totally lost confidence in it and an intermittent fault is still apparent. The net result is that it has sat in it's bag and I have not taken a photo for months. I had decided that I would part exchange this for a new body and 30% offered this as my joint birthday and Christmas present. A deal was done at the local camera dealer and we also hit a few of the department stores looking for things we didn't really want in order that we could provide a Christmas list for our families.

Three more weeks, three more weeks and it will all be done.

Sunday started with a walk whilst 30% dropped TP off at the rugby club for training. I then got busy in the kitchen cubing the recently cured guanciale. Having finished that I collected TP and lunchtime had arrived. The afternoon saw me tick off a few domestic chores including cleaning of chickens, lighting of fires and framing of the photo that was picked up yesterday.

The next week is likely to be very busy but Thursday and Friday are going to be taken as holiday and I am really looking forward to the upcoming long weekend.

Escape Route Blocked

Thursday: Kicking My Heels

I checked out of my hotel at eight o'clock on Thursday morning and lugged laptop and suit carrier over to the principal Circle of Hell in London. We spent a couple of hours slicing and dicing server costs before we headed over to the client offices. The aim was to meet up and attempt to get clarity on the key information they needed that woudl allow them to make a decision on our proposal. It is fair to say that the meeting was close to a complete waste of time. The client CIO obviously isn't that familiar with IT outsourcing and needs to be hand held through the pricing. After demanding this he returned to his usual activity of moaning about the service we are providing. As we walked away from the meeting we analysed his comments and determined that he was creating merry hell about support at a site that is not covered by our contract. All he has to do is sign the relevant paperwork and we can give him what he wants. Fundamentally the guy is playing hardball with us but doesn't really have particularly good ammunition. The CSE and I have decided that from here on in we will be taking a much firmer approach with him as he is basically a lightweight, moaning bag of shite.

We headed back to the Circle of Hell, lunched and kicked our heels for a couple of hours before the remaining members of the Sales Team headed out for another session with the Client. I was not required and the CSE said that I may as well head back up to Worcestershire. This entailed a quick Tube ride across to Paddington where the Departures Boards carried ominous messages. The recent rains had caused flooding between Didcot and Oxford and there were a number of delays and cancellations. The advice was to take whatever train I could get to Oxford and then pick up a local train onwards to Evesham. I joined the rush for the next train and spent the next hour stood in the Buffet Car in a train filled beyond capacity. At Oxford it was a twenty minute wait and then again I joined the jostle and squeezed myself, along with several hundred other commuters, in to a three carriage "bus on rails". I was fortunate, found a seat and within an hour was being collected by 30% from the Station.

It was lovely to be home.

Friday: If I'm not careful this could get messy!

I had hoped that Friday would be a quiet day as I was supposed to be disengaging from this latest project due to budgetary constraints. However the CSE likes to have me around and insisted that I made myself available for the following week. He wasn't particularly clear on why I was needed and stuttered something about a possible client meeting ...

... sometimes I feel like a Security Blanket for the Sales Guys!

This morning there was a moment of clarity when it became apparent that they Sales Team and Account Senior Executive advised that they would like to re-work the entire server services solution and price by next Friday. I pointed out that there was no way on earth that this could be completed in time especially as I was on holiday for two days at the back end of next week. I gave them an outline of what I saw as achievable, challenging but achievable, and luckily got their agreement. As a result a significant chunk of my day was spent getting things lined up for a hectic few days next week.

The net result of this was that instead of having a slack day with plenty of time to potter I managed to squeeze in a walk around the Three Miler but spent the rest of the day in front of the lap top. It was gone six by the time I sealed the flap on the expenses claim envelope and put it ready for posting...

... an evening of vegetation followed.

Hanging Around

After yesterday’s less than successful presentation session, the Team regrouped at one of the London Circles of Hell and we spent the morning shuffling the numbers and throwing them on to PowerPoint slides.

A little after lunch the Senior Execs headed back out to the Client’s Offices to persuade them that we had provided them with an offer they cannot refuse.

If I am honest I spent most of the day kicking my heels and, apart from answering the occasional question*, my most productive activity was when I took a coffee order and headed over to Starbucks.**

As four o’clock approached I had already attained the “knocking off” mind set when a member of the team was called by the Senior Execs. We were all to remain in the War Room as there were a number of activities that needed to be completed in advance of a meeting tomorrow …

… Oh Joy! We spent a happy couple of hours responding to further client questions where we basically tried to say “yes” whilst not exposing ourselves to anything that will cost more money.

 I eventually made my escape at seven and retired to a Thames side bar for a quick G&T before wandering back to the hotel for supper and an evening of TV and bag packing.

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* I also knocked up a quick info-graphic slide for the Aussie Exec showing her Geographic range and in-scope countries which was all of ten minutes work with Google Maps and MS Paint.

** I managed to cock that up and came back short by one Cappuccino.

I vant to be alone ...

After eleven hours sat in a crowded conference room the last thing I wanted to do was to decamp to a restaurant with the same group of people for a “team event”. Unfortunately I found myself wandering up Regent Street in the early evening to spend an unspecified number of hours in an even more cramped restaurant and be frustrated attempting to hone in on one conversation amongst a babble of voices.

I hastily pulled together a plan to stop off at the restaurant have a quick G&T, make excuses, leave and head back to the hotel for room service and an evening of solitude. Unfortunately that was never going to happen and I ended up sat next to my Sales Executive and opposite the Client’s EMEA CIO. Salvation was at my right hand provided by an Australian Exec and we spent much of the evening swapping stories and anecdotes. The Aussie was also my “get out” as she was understandably suffering from Jet Lag so when she decided to retire early I made my excuses and shared a cab with her and the Singapore Exec back to the Team Hotel.

To be honest the working day had been interesting. The presentations had been delivered effectively but it was apparent from very early in the day that the EMEA Client was not a fan and was going to do his best to pick holes in everything we had to say. He didn’t let facts or the responsibilities and failings of his own organisation get in the way of his criticism either. As the working day came to a close he set out his stall and informed us that there was no way that he could put our proposal or price in front of his Management team. This was an interesting position to take as he is responsible for a “Geography” and this is a Global Deal. The Global CIO and CTO seem far more aligned with what we were proposing. If the Global CIO decides to proceed the EMEA CIO would have painted himself in to a corner with his local Business Team, the Global Client Organisation and us as a Supplier. I wandered away from his stroppy positioning wondering why he would take such a resolute position that would be so difficult to recover from ….

… it was only later that I discovered that he is a Contractor and therefore has no real investment with the Client.

Catching Up

It is Monday evening and I have finally found a few minutes to jot down the comings and goings of the past three days.

Saturday morning was filled by working my way down an enormous “to do” list. It started with a trip in to Redditch to drop TP off for his voluntary work at the Charity Shop. I then filled up with Diesel and headed over to Alcester to collect some timber that I had ordered ten days ago. This was when my plans started to go awry. The chap at the Builders Merchant wasn’t familiar with my order so I was asked to wander around the warehouse in a search for the goods. We eventually located the timber and at this point I will quote the warehouseman; “if that is premier quality I’d hate to see their lower grades of timber”…

… it is fair to say that I politely declined to accept the timber and left somewhat frustrated at having waited ten days for nothing. I then drove out to Chippy Ian’s house and dropped off the cash we owed for the installation of the fire back. I then headed back towards home stopping off at the Feed Store to pick up some Layers Pellets.

This had taken the bulk of the morning and there was just time to walk T&M whilst 30% returned to Redditch to pick up TP. The weather was vile and the dogs and I were thoroughly soaked by the time we got back home. I had just about towelled them off as the remaining family members walked in through the door.

In the afternoon I took things at a gentler pace and managed a healthy snooze on the sofa. The second half of the day wasn’t entirely unproductive and I eventually wandered in to the Dining Room and made an elm spacing disk to pad out the door handle and stop the damned thing rattling. I appreciate that this seems almost inconsequential but this is one of those countless tiny tasks that need to be completed as we head towards the point where paint can get applied to the walls.

Sunday morning was an early start as TP was playing with the Under 17’s squad in a league match North of Birmingham. He was playing out on the Wing on a sodden pitch and it is fair to say that he didn’t really see much action. The heavy going meant that it was very much a Forwards match as the slippery conditions meant that the Backs were never going to demonstrate feats of agility and pace.  To be fair it was actually quite a good game and although we lost we held up well against a strong opposition especially as nearly half of our team was comprised of Under 16’s.

While I was spectating 30% called to let me know that our cellar had flooded. Basically the heavy rains over the past few weeks have raised the water table and it has seeped through the cellar floor over night. This was nothing too disastrous as it was only a couple of inches and having had this happen once before all white goods are raised on a course of bricks above the stone flags. There was no damage done but it did mean that 30% had a fun morning pumping the water in to buckets and carrying it up and out of the house. It is fair to say that when we got home she was absolutely shattered.

The afternoon saw me complete the regular walk around the Three Miler and then 30%’s Mum and Dad paid a visit and we spent the afternoon chatting, drinking coffee and sampling a very nice Banana and Chocolate Chip Tea Bread.

As the evening drew to a close I found myself packing a suit carrier as most of next week will be spent in London hopefully persuading a Client that they should continue to patronise Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell as their chosen supplier of IT Services. 

Time for an early night I think.

Monday started way too early as 30% kindly dropped me at Evesham Station in time for the ten to seven train. By ten o’clock I was drinking coffee in one of the London Circles of Hell and I remained in the same room for the next nine hours reviewing PowerPoint slides and preparing for the client meetings tomorrow.

It wasn’t as arduous as it sounds as the American Executive has a VERY relaxed approach to the sessions that will be held tomorrow. Personally I would have spent more time on some dry runs but I have to admit that his approach is infectious and I can honestly say that I am far more relaxed about a client presentation than I would normally be.

We ended up dining together at the Swan Inn on the South Bank of the Thames along side the Globe Theatre. A G&T, a steak dinner and some decent conversation followed by a wander back to the hotel under the gaze of St Pauls.

I’ve had worse days.

Off to see the "Head"

Friday was slower that yesterday but I had to remain chained to the desk just in case. A badly scheduled set of work and personal meetings meant that I didn't have time to walk T&M today. Fortunately 30% had a day off work and took them for a run around the football field. By the look of Tyson she had spent most of that session diving in the goal mouth as she came back plastered with a rich red mud.

Although I needed to be close to a phone and laptop all day I did have free rein to wander about the house and managed to clear spare timber and tools from the Dining Room. I also finally mixed and applied the heat proof concrete behind the fire back which allowed me to tick another job off the to do list.

In the early afternoon I closed down my laptop and 30% and I headed over to school for a meeting with TP's head master and English Teacher. This year there has been quite a furore in the Press following a decision to mark English papers more aggressively and TP has been an unfortunate bystander to this decision ...

... his papers were marked and he and a dozen of his peers all attained the necessary grades. Unfortunately the rest of his class were required to repeat a number of controlled assessments. The net result of this situation is that, since September, TP and his 12 mates have been sidelined whilst the teacher concentrated on the rest of the class. We first raised our concerns over the  lack of tuition more than a month ago but the word of reassurance we received were just that; "words" and matters came to a head when a number of the students complained to the Head Master that they were not being taught. This resulted in a "behind the scenes" set of meetings and one of the outcomes was TP's teacher sidelining his cohort and clearly pointing out to them that "they should not have gone to the head master and she has the teaching degree and therefore know best". It is fair to say that we were not best impressed so spent a hour with the Head and the English Teacher making clear that leaving a dozen Top Set students to their own devices for two months was not acceptable and neither was an admonishment when they made it clear that they wanted to be taught. We also made it very clear that when we are told matters are in hand we expect matters to be "in hand" and not, as it appeared, that they just carried on as normal.

The day finished with a trip over to Warwick Arts Centre to see Kevin Bridges stand up show.  I have to be honest and say that I wasn't really looking forward to the gig. We have been to Warwick many times in the recent few months and I am becoming a little bored with the whole event; the drive, the hanging around in the foyer with the smell of burnt panini arising from the cafe, the wait for the show to start, listening to a number of tracks from the Performers i-Tunes library. It is all getting a little "samey" and a piss poor, instantly forgettable, Australian support act did nothing to improve my mood. We wandered out and kicked our heels people watching for the mandated twenty minute interval and then returned for Bridges set ...

... I am delighted to say that he turned my jaded mood completely around with a very funny series of anecdotes and topical material delivered with a Glaswegian twist and perspective. It was a great night with a performance that reminded me of why I love going to see live comedy. I am still bored with the "Warwick Arts Centre experience" but I really enjoyed the show.  A definite 8/10.