Happy Anniversary

Today I completed my first year as a Piano Mover Jnr at The Neat & Tidy Piano Movers. Twelve whole months have passed since I walked in to The Reception in Redditch, was presented with a temporary pass and then sat around, for what seemed like days on end, waiting to get a Laptop and some idea of what I should be doing.

Well, I am still here. My laptop is on it's second keyboard and I have a slightly better idea of what I should be doing most of the time. I recall a discussion with my Boss a few months ago about the general lack of clarity and my reliance on what seemed like a common sense approach and he laughed, agreeing that he approached the job in the same way.

I suppose I should attempt to carry out some form of summary of my first year, perhaps comparing and contrasting it with my previous role as a Junior Daemon in Dante's Nine Circles of Hell, but I think the only important measure is how I feel in general having made the move. I know that I am much happier as a Piano Mover despite the chaos and the fact that we are attempting to build cars with bicycle components. * I have a manager who respects and values my input, lets me know this and actually has experience of the work I do. This, believe me, has an incredible impact on a job and is so different to the brown nosed fuck wits** Dante's saw fit to employ to manage key teams developing Technical and Organisational environments for new clients.

At the moment I am exhausted at the end of each working day but there have also been days when I have been far from busy. This work is cyclical in nature and this is one thing that has not changed as I moved from one job to another. What I do know is that the Piano Movers are happy to allow me lead multi million dollar opportunities with less than a year's experience under my belt whilst my last year at Dante's had me work on shitty contract renegotiations or being farmed out to help on other Solutioner's deals. Now do you see what I mean when I say that I am happier and feel valued …

… Oh, and the money is bloody good too!

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* This is obviously an analogy. Nether do we move pianos
** There were a couple of notable exceptions but they were still constrained by the general management system and approach

Definitely missing all the fun

This morning I found myself suited and stood on the platform 2 at Evesham Station waiting for the 7:48 in to Paddington. My feet didn't make contact with platform 1 again until half past ten this evening when I finally arrived back in my home county. It was a long day, I was shattered and somewhat annoyed …

… As the day in London drew to a close it became apparent that our Sales Lead had "lost sight of the ball".  On the last call of the day I questioned him about his travel plans now that the RFP submission date had been pushed back by a week. After repeated explanation he grasped this simple concept and finally admitted that he had no awareness of this, despite issuing the client communication containing that very important fact. This was a head in hands moment as I realised that he has no real interest in this opportunity and is already dropping his hook in other ponds hoping that the rag, tag and bobtail team we have managed to assemble will deliver a winning solution with the associated Sales bonus … what a Prick!*

At home 30% had been left to manage a day with significant canine elements. T&M needed to be dropped off at the Groomers early in the morning and their evening collection needed to include a detour via the Vets where Whiffler was to receive his first inoculation. I came home from London to listen to tales of adoring Groomers and Veterinary Surgeons as the puppy charmed everyone he met.** His weight has increased by 20% and he is now 6.6 Kg up from 5.5 Kg last week. His next visit will be in a fortnight's time for his second and final shot.

So that just about sums up my day … I added six hours of road and rail travel in to an already long day and definitely missed out on the fun and frolics here at The Pile.

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* incidentally, This is the word my Boss used to describe the Sales Lead when I was first assigned to this opportunity.
** and then left them with a slightly damp arm .. You know … the one that had been cradling his midriff

Day of rest

I was, once again, dragged from my slumbers by a full to the brim Whiffler at around six o'clock, so headed downstairs where I grabbed my keys released him from his crate, got the back door unlocked and got him out in the garden before he had managed to pee ... Result!

I then brewed coffee and did my best to amuse both the puppy and myself for the next few hours until 30% deigned to rise.The most significant activity of the morning was a quick trip in to Redditch for a few errands. I then finally settled at my laptop and spent the couple of hours before lunch clearing my emails and starting to collate the various costs of the latest solution. Although I had not wanted to work over the weekend I actually achieved a reasonable amount in the two hours I grudgingly allocated and now have a clear approach I can follow as the remainder of the costs trickle in.

After lunch 30% and I headed around the Three Miler with T&M leaving TP and Peanut to ice the cup cakes they had made earlier in the day. It goes without saying that tea and cakes were consumed as we relaxed after the walk. I then spent a couple of hours contemplating the inside of my eyelids, eventually waking as afternoon turned to evening.

30% served a proper Sunday Roast and we then spent the evening in a fruitless search of the TV schedules for something watchable. In the end we settled for a couple of documentaries I had recorded over the preceeding weeks. I finally headed upstairs at a relatively early hour as I need to be in London tomorrow. An early start will be in order and shaving before I go to bed gives me another ten or twenty minutes of sleep time.

Taking it easy

The recent arrival of Whiffler has meant that I now need to rise around six rather than seven o'clock. This is the point by which his tiny bladder has filled to capacity and he has woken yelping to be let out for a pee. This morning 30% performed this duty and entertained the pup for an hour so that I managed to sleep in until a relatively pleasant seven o'clock. I say relatively pleasant as I was awoken by having a wriggling puppy placed on the bed and as he climbed  over my head I once again became familiar with that suspicious dampness in his midriff!

I rose and wandered downstairs leaving 30% to return to bed as she is not an early riser. I spent the early hours of the morning pottering, drinking strong black coffee and re-reading a novel on the kindle. All of these activities were interspersed with supervision of Whiffler as he explored, barked, upset Eddie* or peed. As nine thirty approached I gave 30% a call as we were expecting a visitor. She wandered downstairs five or ten minutes later and looked absolutely awful … a migraine. She headed back upstairs to do the only thing she could … lie in a darkened room until the symptoms dissipated.

Martyn; our visitor arrived around ten for a discussion about reconstruction of our garden wall and remodelling the hideous steps that lead up to our front door. Both of these jobs benefit from the input of a Structural Engineer as "ground level" at The Pile is five or six feet above the street level so the garden wall is a retaining structure and ten or more steps need to be ascended to reach our front door. We discussed the various options and pitfalls and Martyn rapidly understood his brief. Hands were shaken on a cash deal and he was off to mull over design ideas and come up with some drawings.

The remainder of the morning was taken up with a much needed walk around the Three Miler with T&M. Lunch followed and the afternoon was spent relaxing and receiving guests as 30% had invited her Mum and Dad over for a viewing of the new puppy.

As afternoon turned to evening 30% appeared and looked much brighter than she had this morning. A chinese takeaway was collected by TP and Peanut and, once consumed, we all collapsed in front of the TV to watch a film together.

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* Eddie: our three legged cat. He is nicknamed Eddie Percent after loosing a hind leg and his tail after a car accident. He is well aware of having used up eight of his nine lives and takes no crap from any of the dogs. Whiffler has already received a severe hissing followed by a swipe across his nose when the silly sod didn't realise that you don't mess with cats.

I barely mention work in this entry

For two glorious minutes I thought that it was Saturday as I wandered downstairs, barely awake, to let Whiffler out of his cage and take him out for a pee. Momentarily I revelled in thoughts of having the whole day to do as I like and then, as I liberated the puppy from his crate, reality intruded and I realised I had one more day chained to my desk* … Oh well, at least it is Friday.

I hit the in-box early as I was aware that I would be taking an hour out of my day late in the morning …

… BMS and SMS called around eleven o'clock to meet and greet Whiffler. He charged around like a deranged lunatic and I think it is fair to say that they were both charmed by the little cream monster. They also handed over a stack of newspapers which are a staple during these early weeks.

On the subject of toilet training he is quite good already. He came to us paper trained and will perform when taken outside to the garden. That is not to say that there are no accidents and a roll of absorbent paper and a spray bottle of disinfectant are always close to hand. Another surprising thing is that he is not daunted by T or M and has already discovered their play potential. This evening he was to be seen chewing the end of Tyson's tail … she wan not impressed!

I'll not bore with a detailed recollection of the working day. It was busy but, being Friday, ended at a reasonable hour. I need to polish a spreadsheet over the weekend but at least I can do that without the interruption of calls, instant messages and emails … just a standard poodle puppy tugging at the leg of my jeans.

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* I wonder if I have come across a new universal truth something along the lines of conservation of energy? I walk downstairs and think that I am free. Whiffler is in his crate and is therefore constrained. As I release Whiffler from his cage there is a transference of the state of liberty. He most definitely become free from restraint which is then transferred to me as I realise that it is a working day and I am to be tied to my laptop. If this is ever proven it should be called Whiffler's Law

Moving slowly forward

I had grand plans for the day's deliverables and achievements … it is fair to say that few of them came to fruition. I really needed to make significant progress on my costings but instead got dragged in to a series of equally important dialogues and conversations about other aspects of the project and solution. The way things are going I think my weekend will involve a good few hours peering at a spreadsheet. Mind you, at present, I have no bloody costs to insert anyway!*

I did manage to slay one daemon today which meant that I ended the day in a more positive frame of mind … One of the Client requests is for us to populate a spreadsheet with over one thousand separate price points. This would be a Herculean task at the best of times but with the limited timeframe and lack of detail it is virtually impossible. As an alternative I proposed a much simpler approach involving three price points for the four major Geographies. My Boss agreed that this was the best way forward and so the Sales Lead was advised.  I'm not really sure he really understands the proposal but he hasn't said no and therefore he is getting what I am offering … by the time the metaphorical light bulb illuminates it will be too late to do anything further anyway.

On the home front I am still chained to the laptop for most of the day and collapsed on the sofa for less of the evening than I would have preferred. We have noted that T&M are slowly coming around to the fact that Whiffler is here to stay and are starting to interact with him rather than just ignore him. ** This evening they were all charging around the lawn together and later Whiffler was seen chasing Marauder around the island in the Kitchen … cute at the moment but chaos in the future when they are all full grown and Tyson joins in,

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* They are, however, on their way and the brief preview of them suggests that they are vast and complex.
** or growl at him!

Wishing a short chunk of my life away

It is fair to say that I was not at my most enthusiastic today. I spent most of the day chained to the laptop  and reached the point where I literally could not sit and look at it any longer … it was almost like having a headache but without the pain. I just had to get up, wander around and be able to look in to the middle and far distance rather than have my view terminate twenty inches from the end of my nose.

The only fresh air I got was a brief spell in the garden kicking a ball around with the dogs and a short spell in VI's plot waiting for his chickens to decide to go to bed.* Other than that I was at the laptop or slouched on a sofa. It may be a grim experience but the job is cyclical and these periods of peak activity always have a set end date … I just cant wait for 19th September.

The positive point from today was that I made a start on the cost model and actually managed to get a simple sub-set of costs presented to the Pricer. The finalisation of the cost model is, however, a vast task and likely to be nightmare inducing.

As I just said, roll on 19th September.

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* There is no way I was going in to the run and herding them in to the coop having had previous experience with the evil cockerel that leads his small flock.

Tuesday and knackered already

Tuesday was another long day.

This morning I headed in to The Depot, stopping off to let out VI's chickens on the way. I arrived early enough to get a space in the small car park in front of reception which gives an idea of how far ahead of the most Piano Movers I was.

I'll not bore with details of the day other than to say that it was long and, whilst productive, nowhere near as productive as it really needed to be. The main issue is that we have very little time to pull everything together and many want to add huge amounts of detail and problem resolution. To use an artistic analogy; this is a preliminary sketch or rough out of the picture. We do not have time to break out the oil paint for this phase of the project.

I eventually headed home around half past three. "Ah" I hear you think "the lazy sod is taking the afternoon off"… no, in actual fact, the lazy sod was getting home for calls that ran from four until six and, further in to the evening, another from eight until nine.

VI's poultry eventually got shut up by torch light and I slumped on the sofa for a couple of hours before dragging myself to bed.

What's wrong with Whiffler?

So, which is worse; Networking Outsourcing tribulations or new Puppy tales? I am guessing that is going to be mostly one or the other for the next few weeks.

I'll stay away from work for today's Journal entry, as it is very much a case of more of the same, and will instead cover day two with the new puppy …

… My suggestions for it's name were rejected by all parties but we have finally found one we can all agree on*. His name is a much shortened form of a Samuel Clemens character and I am sure he will grow in to it. My suggestion will not, however, go to waste and in the annals of The Journal he will forever be known as Whiffler.

Today's main event was his check up at the Vets. I wanted to get this completed as soon as possible as I didn't want us to get too attached if, God forbid, we found that he had a congenital health issue and he needed to be returned to the Breeder. Fortunately Whiffler was found to be in fine fettle although, perhaps, slightly underweight. That latter issue will soon be a distant memory with 30% in charge of his dietary needs.

So now we know he is in good health we can relax and start enjoying his antics. T&M are slowly coming around to his presence and are even starting to interact when he gets playful. There are, however, a few warning grumbles if he steps out of line.

We will back at the vet's in a weeks time for inoculations.

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* to a greater or lesser extent

What have we done?

This morning and, to be honest, for most of the day I felt absolutely exhausted. I may have drank and gone to bed late but neither of these were excessive and certainly nowhere near sufficient to warrant the level of tiredness I felt today.

This morning I headed out around the Three Miler with T&M and must have met half of the Village. One of these encounters was fortuitous as it was with Martyn; the Civil Engineer who drew up the plans for the extension we had in 2007. For some time we have been considering remodelling the steps that lead up to the front door and also rebuilding the collapsed wall that forms the boundary with the road. We have found a bricklayer who seems willing to do the job and just needed some designs and advice on potential interactions with the local authorities … a meeting has been arranged for next Saturday morning.

The rest of the morning and early afternoon was spent doing very little at all. I headed up to see VI as I will be looking after his chickens for the week while he heads up North for a stay in Berwick Upon Tweed. I also dragged the Enfield from the garage and headed over to the auto-bank at Tesco to make a couple of withdrawals …

… as the afternoon drew to a close all three of us piled in to the car and headed up the motorway towards deepest, darkest Willenhall. After a forty minute drive we reached our destination and faced an agonising decision. In the end we decided on this one …

Just what I needed

This morning I woke and relished the freedom that the weekend gives. After a leisurely breakfast I headed off for a walk with T&M whilst 30% headed off to the Hairdressers for some serious welding work. I arrived home about an hour later feeling somewhat refreshed, having taken some exercise and been out in the fresh air for the first time since Monday. The house was empty, as TP had spent the night as Peanut's house, so I settled on a sofa and put my head in a book for an hour or so just to further my state of relaxation.

As lunch time neared TP returned from Worcester and 30% emerged coiffed and ready to face the world. We ate and then 30% and I headed in to Redditch for groceries. As we neared the supermarket 30% suggested that I drop her off and drive on to the Barber's to see how long the queue was. I jumped at the option of sitting in a packed Barber's shop instead of wandering Tesco's aisles and a few minutes later I was sat in the aforementioned establishment leafing through a boxing magazine and wondering if I was the only one there without tattoos.*

Thirty minutes later I wandered out, brushing the hair from my neck, having been shorn by a lad no older than TP. He had done a great job and I had also managed to avoid half an hour of aimless wandering in that cavern of comestibles that is Tesco. I drove down to the supermarket and soon tracked down 30%. Before long we had paid, packed and were heading back to The Pile.

While we were away TP had done a fantastic job of tidying the house and after a coffee break I needed something do in order to avoid unpleasant domestic duties. I therefore wandered out to the garage and dragged the Porn Mower from it's lair. Within moments I was striding noisily up and down the lawn safe in the knowledge that a) it looked like I was very busy and b) no-one else realises what a skive it really is.

The afternoon transitioned to early evening and our guests arrived within a few minutes of each other and that just about wraps up today's entry. We had a delightful evening of food, drink and laughter. and I hope we get another arranged soon.

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* It is a very "traditional" Barber's which is always rammed with people on a Saturday. Every Barber Shop cliche you could ever think of can be seen in the thirty or forty minutes you will spend there waiting and having your hair cut; the sullen teenage girl sweeping (badly), the aged barber who until recently cut with a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, the teenage kid with a ludicrous haircut and a panoply of tattooed customers. I rather like the grimy, working class experience and they do give you a great hair cut.

Easing off the gas for a couple of days

Friday has finally arrived. This may have been a four day week but each of my days has been around eleven solid hours in front of a laptop plus intermittent analysis and planning in the hours apparently classed as leisure time.

I am looking forward to the weekend as, although I will need to spend some time working, there will be no flood of email, calls or instant messages and when I get up to do something else there is no compulsion to sit back at my desk. We have also arranged to have Bond, Moneypenny, Rosie and Jim over for a bite to eat and drinks on Saturday so things are likely to get raucous.

However, I am getting ahead of myself and haven't yet bored with tales of Friday. This morning I took a drive in to the nearest depot as I have expenses that need to be submitted.* 30% insisted that I use her TT for the trip in to work and a few miles down the road I glanced at the instrument display and noticed that the check engine light had not gone out. I was somewhat apprehensive of this situation, recalling the last time it happened in another of her cars. Fortunately the car seemed to be performing perfectly so  I carried on in to work safe in the knowledge that I can abdicate responsibility as it is not my car.

The day went pretty much as expected; calls, e-mail, confusion, clarification, bull shit and escalations and I eventually wandered out of the Office around six in the evening. I headed home to be presented with a glass of red wine and a plate of olives as I walked in to the kitchen. I added pistachio nuts to this ensemble and caught up with 30%'s day. To be honest I was pretty exhausted and the wine hit home very quickly, so it is fair to say that I did bugger all this evening apart from eat and vegetate in front of the TV.

I do have one other piece of news and that relates to TP. Yesterday and today he has attended interviews and auditions at Worcester and Stratford Colleges as he plans to leave school and study Music Technology. He has received offers from both colleges and it looks like Worcester will be his choice.

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* Unlike Dante's Nine Circles of Hell, The Neat & Tidy Piano Movers approach to mobile telephony is to have the monthly bill charged against the User's Corporate Charge Card. So each and every month I need to go in to the Office, claim for this months bill and post the receipts for last months. It is not a big deal as The Depot is only seven or eight miles from home and I do quite enjoy the social side to these trips.

Throwing the numbers together

No surprise that Thursday looked pretty much like Wednesday, although the working day was about 30 minutes shorter.

On a slightly more positive note, I feel that I now have a grasp of where we are and what needs to be done, after wading through the mountain of information that accumulated while I was on holiday. I am targeting the key issues and attempting to resolve these one by one. The plan is to deal with the most critical and most costly first and hope that any that don't get resolved are small enough to be covered by costs accrued elsewhere.

This is going to be a fag packet calculation rather than a structured work of art!

and what exactly do you do?

As mentioned yesterday, my weekday entries are going to be even less interesting than normal as I am now strapped to the back of the metaphorical bull that is the final stages of developing an RFP response. For the next three weeks I will be sat at a laptop for ludicrous lengths of time just trying to stay abroad and ensure that everything gets done and the costs are ready for pricing.

The twenty four hours that made up Wednesday panned out like this:-

00.00 - 07.00     Sleeping
07.00 - 08.00     Coffee, Toast, a look at the BBC News website
08.00 - 19.00     Work
19.00 - 23.00     Dinner and Sofa Time
23.00 - 24.00     Sleeping

As you can see it is a case of existence rather than life as the long day leaves you with little enthusiasm for anything but sloth. I should also point out that, if you are doing the job right, work bleeds in to your thoughts during many of the non-working hours too.

Basically I will be living and breathing the deal until we close out the costs and pass them across to pricing. I will still have shit loads to do but the pace eases slightly at that point.

Nose Grindstone interface

Today was my first day back at work after a week away from a project that was suffering problems with solution definition and therefore progression. I really needed to be at my desk as early as possible so I was somewhat frustrated that I needed to spend a large chunk of the morning heading in to Birmingham to visit the Dentist. After much deliberation I decided to put my faith in the temporary bus service currently running from Redditch and was rewarded by a very early arrival in Brum. In fact the Dentist was also running early too so I actually found myself back at New Street waiting for a return train only minutes after nine o'clock.

Incidentally, the verdict on my jaw is that it has healed well after the extraction and I now need a CT scan to ensure correct and secure insertion of the titanium implant … it looks like I'll be travelling to Birmingham a couple more times once I get this RFP out of the way.

Talking of the RFP, I was back home and sat at my laptop shortly after ten and faced a mountain of unread e-mails. If I am honest I really needed a discussion with my Frolleague; Lou to make sense of the current status. Consequently the morning's trip to the Dentist didn't significantly impact progress as she does not come on-line until the afternoon. I skim read and filed the mails in the intervening hours and talked to Lou when she pinged me around one o'clock.

It is fair to say that she has had a very rough week and there is still a massive amount to do with one week less to complete it in. The series of calls that ran from two o'clock through until eight in the evening demonstrated that the lack of clarity still remained, that Executive escalation was necessary to resolve and that certain resources need to brought in to line.*

I am in for a rough few weeks. Don't expect to see much from me here until this is over

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* or given a one way ticket to Switzerland!

Rainy Day

There is not a lot to report for a drenched Bank Holiday Monday.

In the morning 30% and I headed in to Redditch to replenish the cupboards and fuel tanks after our week away. We arrived home in time for lunch and then spent the afternoon on culinary duties …

… Yesterday's dried plums experiment has worked really well and the tart but sweet, leathery fruits make a great treat. They have all been packed in to bags, some of which have been frozen, but in reality they will not last long judging by the way they were consumed today.

After packing the prunes away we then joined forces to prepare a small mountain of vegetables in order that a huge batch of pean and ham soup could be put on to simmer. This soup has a three hour cooking time so I finally found the perfect opportunity to dismantle and descale the Gaggia Espresso Machine. This is not an overly complex job but it takes a good couple of hours and also involves cleaning a pair of metal filters. This latter task can involve using a needle to remove coffee crud from the hundreds of perforations … it is a tedious task that I undertake grudgingly, only when it splutters and jams as opposed to producing rich dark espressos.

By the time the coffee machine was restored to full health the soup was cooked and I finished it off by removing the meat from the hocks and discarding the bones, skin and fat. We ended up with a good nine litres and this will be packed and frozen once cool.

It was now time for dinner and the remainder of the evening was spent in front of the TV, although concerns about my latest project are already disturbing my thoughts.

A test run

The reassembly of the Ducati has had quite an impact on the state of the garage. I no longer need to move with caution around freshly painted fairing panels now these are back on the bike. I can also see the surface of both work benches now the tools, parts and packaging have been tidied or disposed of. If I could find the enthusiasm to sweep the floor I would only be two jobs short of crossing tidy garage from my To Do List.

This morning I wandered out to the garage with the aim of taking the Ducati out for a short run. As I opened up the door I stepped past the pile of junk destined for the tip and surveyed the space. My eyes fell on the box for the dog guard and it became my first job of the day to remove the Dog Guard from the car and return the Load Area Cover to its proper place. As I was doing this the mental gears engaged; the car needed to be moved off the drive, the boot was open and I kept passing a pile of rubbish …

… The next job became a run to the tip. I now need just to sweep the garage for it to be regarded as tidy and the drive was now car free.

I rolled the Ducati out and gathered my helmet, gloves, jacket and boots from the house. Whilst the bike is taxed and insured, its MOT has long since expired so this shake down run was to be short and calm.* As I mentioned yesterday, I was apprehensive climbing on as my left hip has been twinging for the past few months and I didn't want it giving up while I was holding up the bike. Within moments of starting, the temperature needle started to climb and I pulled out on to the road. I keep forgetting how intense she is to ride and how beautifully she handles as she rolls in to high speed bends at ludicrous angles of lean.  After a short loop around the local twisties I headed back home and pondered a dilemma … With Autumn fast approaching and being up to my ears in work do I get her MOT'd or do I just tuck her back in the garage and spend the Winter ensuring that she gets a thorough clean and is ready for the beginning of next year.

Back at home I put the Ducati away, lunched and then headed out around the Three Miler with T&M. I still feel quite tired and am not sure whether it is a result of the recent stomach bug or just my age! As a result the afternoon featured a snooze on the sofa and a new experiment with the Dehydrator. On this occasion we are attempting to produce home made prunes with a batch of plums 30% purchased at a nearby Farm Shop...

… If it works I will have the most finely tuned bowels in Worcestershire.

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* Needless to say it may have been short but it was never going to be calm!

Back 'ome

30% and I were up by seven this morning … or rather I was up, made coffee and then irritated her until she grudgingly rose from her bunk. Within an hour we had most of our belongings packed and stowed in the car and just before eight T&M were installed in the boot. It was then a rapid drive back to The Pile to pick up TP's spare set of car keys following their disappearance on Tuesday.

30% stayed at home with the dogs and the pile of luggage while I turned about face and headed back towards Stourport. By nine o'clock I was walking back in to the boatyard to see TP and Peanut* waiting patiently by his still locked car … it was obvious that his packing and final sweep through the boat had not located his keys.

I opened up the boot of his car and we peered inside. There were no keys. We optimistically lifted the boot carpet. There were no keys. We opened up both doors and explored the diminutive and spartan interior of the Fiat … There were still no keys. We took an incredibly optimistic look around the perimeter and underside of the car and it will come as no surprise that the keys remained in unfound.

Having known my son for his entire life I am well aware that he is absolutely shit at looking for anything … even something as important as the keys for HIS car, so I walked on to Dark Star and started a methodical search from the stern. Within two minutes I had located his keys behind a cushion on one of the berths. Basically he had wandered on to the boat last Tuesday and had simply chucked his coat and keys on a bed as part of our transition from cars to boat. He had then shifted his coat and his keys had slipped down the back to remain there for the duration of our break. I wandered out, displayed the keys and smiled at his face that was attempting to display pleasure, disbelief and absolute confusion all at the same time.

I then handed the boat keys back to the Fleet owner and completed yet another twenty mile journey back to The Pile. By ten o'clock we were all sat at the dining table having a late breakfast and giving TP a gentle but well deserved ribbing.

As the morning progressed I wanted something to occupy my mind and hands so I headed out to the garage to have another go at reassembling the Ducati. I made a start on this last month but, having swapped the instrument cluster holder, I was not happy with the state of the vibration reducing fixings on this second hand unit. I therefore spent this morning removing the cluster and swapping out the crappy fixings for the pristine ones from my original damaged cluster. By lunchtime I had these tricky devils replaced and the first half of the afternoon was taken up with the final reassembly. I clipped on the final fairing panel just as the heavens opened putting paid to any thoughts of a quick ride out. It is so good to have her back in one piece and available to ride … I just hope my hip is up to it!

I spent the latter half of the afternoon taking it easy and go myself tidied up as evening approached. 30% and I had an early supper and shortly after six hit the road again and headed over to Malvern to see a performance of Therese Raquin at the Festival Theatre. I have to admit that this would not be my first choice of play but I absolutely loved the performance of this doomed love triangle.

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* She was going by the alias of GF but during the holiday TP offered her a peanut cookie and I realised that this cookie shares her initials … also Peanut quite suits her.

Day 4: Holt Lock to Stourport

I woke early this morning and didn't feel quite right.

Four trips to the head later and I came to the conclusion that last night's Burger may have been very tasty but the relish may well have featured shredded slug as well as lettuce … Christ my guts were in bad shape!

Fortunately Stourport was only a couple of hours cruising up river so there was no rush and we cast off mid -morning and chugged upstream. Holt and Lincomb locks were soon passed and by midday we were tied up at Stourport Town Visitor Moorings.

We lunched early and then split in to two parties to take a wander around the town. After thirty minutes of walking I started to feel decidedly odd and 30% and I headed slowly back towards the boat with T&M, taking a short break at a cafe for the restorative powers of tea.

Back at the boat I felt absolutely wasted and slept for over an hour, waking late in the afternoon. We had planned a short foray up the Staffs & Worcester Canal but decided, instead, to just take the boat through the four locks in to Stourport Basin and moor Dark Star back in her home berth.

The evening was spent in the boatyard; grilling a few burgers on a disposable barbecue and agreeing that we had had a splendid few days on the local waterways …

… and that not all tasty burgers are safe to eat.

Day 3: From Hanbury, through Droitwich and back on to the Severn

We made a start shortly after nine o'clock this morning and chugged a few hundred yards past Hanbury Wharf before making a sharp left turn on to the Droitwich Junction Canal. 

This section of the waterways has only recently returned to use after restoration works were completed in 2011 and now allows the mid Worcestershire ring to be navigated. Immediately after turning on to the Junction Canal were faced with  set of six narrow locks that lead down in the direction of Droitwich town centre. The first few of these were manned by volunteers and we made swift progress. After the last of the locks we passed along a heavily reeded section that was more "African Queen" than rural Worcestershire. This took us past the rugby club and new marina before we reached Droitwich proper. 

At Droitwich town a wide beam lock forms the entrance to the Droitwich Barge Canal, which has wide beam locks all the way from the town down on to the Severn.* The town centre also features a set of swing bridges that need to be operated and we paused briefly in the midst of these while 30% nipped over the road to Waitrose for a few supplies. 

We paused again a few hundred yards further on at a proper mooring where we lunched before making our way down the Barge Canal to The Severn. This was a pleasant cruise through woods and meadows punctuated by half a dozen locks. We had hoped to moor for the night along this section but the banks were heavily reeded and no suitable temporary berth could be found. 

Our return to the Severn was something of a surprise. One minute we were cruising in to a canal lock and then suddenly we saw the comparative vastness of the Severn ahead. Only then did we see a diminutive set of signs with navigation and licensing warnings. 

Moorings are few and far between on the river but a local boater suggested a pub about half an hour upstream ...

... So this evening we found ourselves dining at The Wharf Inn just South of Holt Lock. 

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*Apparently the Barge Canal was constructed as a wide beam navigation to allow large loads of Droitwich salt to be transported by barge down on to the Severn and on to the ports.