A chat with my hat

Badman           Hat

Hat                  Yes Master

Badman           Hat, it’s time

Hat                  Yes Master

Badman           Hat, this is the moment that you were created for.

Hat                  Yes Master

Badman           Hat, now we step out in to a New England Winter.
                         Are you ready?

Hat                  Yes Master. My warm embrace will keep the chill
                         from your ears……

Badman           Thank you Hat

Hat                  ….. and your thinning pate

Badman           THANK YOU HAT

Hat                  Master?

Badman           Yes Hat

Hat                  Master, what will happen when I am old?

Badman           But Hat, you are still young and have years of
                         service yet to give

Hat                  Yes Master, but when I am old ...?

Badman           Then Hat, you will be suitably rewarded for the
                         fine times we have shared

Hat                  Thank you Master. My reward ...?

Badman           You will be given to Marauder and your fate will
                         ensure that you are recorded for all time in the
                         Bumper Book of Crime

Cue: Vincent Price Laughter

On a “Cut & Shut” with the Invisible Man

As I type this I am at 36,000 feet  listening to Buddy Holly. Something about listening to Buddy in an aircraft seems very wrong!

As I climbed aboard Continental flight CO27 from Birmingham, UK to Newark, NJ I had mixed feelings. First the elation of being gifted an aisle seat. This was improved further when I realised that the two seats adjacent to me were occupied by the Invisible Man and his partner*. Yes, I had a row of three seats to myself – now watch and learn as I spread myself out . I know it’s not an upgrade to Business Class but I can live in Cattle Class when all around me are crammed in and I have a row to myself. There is nothing like space and other people’s discomfort to give me a warm glow. No, it’s not selfish, I’ve done my time and flown the miles, I’ve earned this. I still have the mental scars of a flight to Mexico stuck between two very fat women and my last flight from Newark to Boston was between the Halitosis twins – THIS ROW IS MINE.

The smug feelings were somewhat dampened as I took my seat as looked up at the overhead lockers. Imagine my concern as I note, and I kid you not, that the row numbers go like this …..31, 32, 34, 35 …..

Notice anything there? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ROW 33? I am not kidding there is no row 33 on the plane. Now I know that some people are nervous of things being numbered 13 and so I would allow for row 12 to smoothly transition to row 14, But I can see no reason for missing out row 33. That smacks of extreme carelessness.

Should I be worried?

Now I’m not a big fan of United Airlines / Continental but fly with them I must – as long as my employer is paying but a missing row really does give me some major concerns. I can see only two reasons why row 33 is missing and neither of them gives me a warm glow.

The first is that it was a manufacturing error. OK, so I am sat at 36,000feet flying at about 550 miles per hour with nothing beneath me but a cold Atlantic in an aircraft that has been built by some Boeing red-neck than has problems with counting sequentially when he reaches the 30’s. I want to be flying in a plant that has been hand built by skilled craftsmen out of unobtanium not some tit who can’t count.

The second and even more worrying scenario is that this Boeing B757-200 is what is know in the trade as a “cut and shut”, in other words a plane that has been assembled from the front end of one plane and the rear of another**. They would have got away with it if it hadn’t been for that meddling kid in 34C that noticed that an entire row had been lost in this botched union.

I have saved this to a USB stick and will tuck it inside the Black Box when I have finished.

-----------------------------------

 * I’m not sure whether the Invisible Man is married, gay or travelling with a business colleague on account of the fact that I couldn’t see either him or his partner.

** usually after accident damage!

A win at last

Sunday started an hour earlier than I would have liked as TP had a Rugby match scheduled at a nearby club.

His Team were matched against a “Development Squad” at one of the big local clubs. I have to admit that I wasn’t over confident as the A-Team feature a few County Players and I thought that the Dev Squad** would be pretty handy too. TP’s team have been a bit “iffy” recently and consequently I expected the worst ….

…. How wrong was I!. TP’s team absolutely thrashed the opposition with a final score of 34:5. It was an impressive score for an away match on a pitch that had a slope like a Himalayan foot hill. It could have been higher still as a couple of tries were lost due to an infectious case of “white line fever” where the players failed to pass to better positioned team mates. TP nearly scored too but was tackled in to touch just on the Try Line. Hopefully this will give the team the confidence boost they need and put them in shape for next Sunday’s home fixture.

The afternoon was somewhat hectic as T&M needed walking, my case needed packing and I had a piece of back bacon that needed removing from the dry cure, soaking and then having a thorough rub with black treacle.

After that I was ready for a very early night as I need to be up and out of the house by 6 a.m. to catch a 9 o’clock flight to Boston. This however was not going to happen as 30%’s brother and his GF joined us for Dinner before we went to the Courtyard Theatre at Stratford-on-Avon to spend an evening in conversation with Tim Minchin.

The aforementioned Mr Minchin has written the music and lyrics for Matilda, The Musical which is currently receiving massive acclaim and which I fucking missed because I was in Boston on the night I had front row. stalls tickets! 30%, TP and Jules all told me how fantastic the show was – CURSE THEM. Tim spent the evening talking about the show and how he constructed the songs. He was his usual funny self and he threw in a couple of his comedy numbers as well as excerpts from many of the show’s songs.

Despite not having seen Matilda, the show was great but I have this message for the arsehole that decided that he needed to check his i-Phone on the stairs as the entire population of the auditorium exited at the end of the show ….

…… “You, Mate, are not that fucking important and neither will you ever be that important. There is nothing in your tedious little life that necessitates holding up an entire theatre audience just because you want to see whether you have a text or a Facebook message. Also, you are not good looking enough to get a shag now FUCK OFF out of my way and try to get a semblance of a life instead of living a sad, empty, virtual one through the semen smeared screen of  your bloody phone – WANKER.

Rant over.

Oh, there was one other thing, the hens have managed a total of 6 eggs over the past eight days. It should be noted that I am well aware that this is down to two hard working members of the flock and the other, bone-idle, dozen or so better watch out - I know who you are*.

-----------------------------

* You can tell the layers by their bright red combs. The "slackers" are easy to identify.

** "B" Team

Domesticity

On Saturday TP spent the day with his Mum and 30% had nipped down to the Hair Salon to have some welding done so I was left to my own devices in the morning. NOTE TO SELF: comment* on 30%’s hair on her return.

I took T&M out for an early walk and then returned to dig my suitcase out from the garage ensuring that I picked the one with the US power adapted after the cock-up of my previous trip. I then spent a happy hour or so collecting my travel essentials together and made a start on tidying the kitchen.

30% and I lunched together and then I spent a couple of hours doing some necessary woodwork in TP’s new bedroom…..

….. Andy & Steve have been re-hired and are turning up the week after next to decorate the two bathrooms and TP’s new room. Although it is a pretty straightforward “sand and paint” sort of job there was an irritating narrowing gap between the TP’s door frame architrave and the wall. I therefore had to scribe and cut a fillet of timber a couple of metres in length and between 6 and 18 mm in width to fill the unsightly gap. Job Done.

In the evening we dined out at The Why Not; a local pub. The food was absolutely fantastic and the menu was surprisingly extensive. I had smoked duck breast as a starter and followed it with fillets of Sea Bass. I couldn’t fault it and TP and 30%’s meals were reported to be just as good.

We retired from the pub quite early as we were all shattered and collapsed sated in front of the TV.

--------------------------

* “Positively” is probably best for my health

A Mystery Solved.

I bumped in to Marilyn this afternoon when I was walking T&M.

Marilyn (not her real name) is "mum" to Murphy and, until fairly recently Twig; a greyhound who sadly died last year. We wandered along where our walk routes overlap and Murphy bounded along with T&M. Marilyn commented that the exercise was doing him good as he no longer had Twig to play with. It was really nice to see T&M cavorting with him, especially as he bounded in to the Dew Pond which encouraged T&M to follow. Tyson was quite apprehensive as I think she is nervous of water after falling though the ice in to the Old Moat when she was chasing Ducks on Boxing Day. Her confidence eventually won out and she bounded in. Her desire to play with Murphy suggests to me that her next season may not be that far off either!

During the walk the conversation turned to Blaize who was another 2010 casualty and this is the mystery in the title of today's entry.

Blaize was a young gelding that lived in a paddock along my most frequent walk. Most days I would stop and give his nose a rub and rummage through my pockets for a Polo or two which he seemed to enjoy. Blaize was a fairly young horse, maybe 5 years old, but he had never been broken as it was suspected that he had a weakness in his forelegs and it was thought that he would not make a good hack, being susceptible to lameness. He therefore lived out his days in the paddock scrounging a variety of titbits and treats from the various walkers and passers by.

Just before Christmas Blaize disappeared from his paddock, or so I thought. The weather at that time was cold with heavy snow so I guess I just assumed that he was snug in his field shelter. The weather tended to make me hunch in to my coat and scarf and trudge on. So it was a couple of days before I noticed the blue tarpaulin in the field which was ominously horse shaped, or should I say "dead horse shaped". An acquaintance confirmed that he had been put down but that his corpse could not be moved until the snow had cleared somewhat.

The mystery was why he had been put down. He had seemed a young and healthy animal and had become a regular visit for me and many others. He had become just as much of an acquaintance on the walk as many people and a lot more personable than some!

I found out from Marilyn that he had been a victim of the hard frosts and snow and had apparently slipped on the frozen ground and damaged one of his front legs beyond hope of recovery. I'm guessing a break and so the vet was called in and his days were ended.

It was a bit dark walking past his covered corpse for a week or so until the thaw set in and a JCB was able to access his paddock and dig a suitably large hole. I quite miss the old fellow and the field is not such a pleasant point in the walk now it has a slight rise of bare earth at its centre.

Picture Post. No. 2

Another quiet day and there are only so many dog walking tales that a body can take so I have trawled through my picture archives and decided upon this one.

Geese: Tarbet, Scotland - Summer 2009

It was taken in Tarbet in the North of Scotland in the Summer of 2009. We were waiting for a boat to take us over to the Handa Island Bird Sanctuary and this flock of geese were gently paddling across the bay.

Marauder's Bumper Book of Crimes No. 5 in an occasional series

Yesterday morning I hosted a conference call to discuss Disaster Recovery on the latest assignment.

During the introductions Marauder decided to announce herself to my colleagues. It appears that her volume control and sustain are currently set to 11.

Travel Planning

Yesterday evening's request to travel to Boston early next week meant that much of Tuesday morning was spent battling with Dante's unwieldy on-line reservation tool to locate flights that allowed sufficient time to transfer from one airliner to another and a hotel that was in the same city let alone State.

I may be exaggerating slightly but the tool is appalling. I asked for hotels in the vicinity of Cambridge MA. In fact I asked for hotels withing 3 miles of Cambridge MA. Why then was the bloody tool giving me a list of 50 hotels, the majority of which were more than 10 miles away? It even gave me half a dozen hotels which didn't have an "approved room rate". In other words; book at your peril because there will be all sorts of scrutiny when you try to claim the room cost.

And as for flights, don't get me started. American Airlines and Continental are merging and the damn tool gives flights by each of these carriers to Boston. The only difference is the logo and the flight number but the tool will only let me buy a flight from one of them. No clues as to which one I just have to select one and hope. No surprises then, when I had to abort, go back and select the other one!

I don't mind choice but take exception when the damn things are presenting invalid information and have filter tools that don't work.

Then there is the general grumble that I cannot fly direct to Boston and have to travel an hour further in to New York, spend a couple of hours in the Terminal and then fly back on myself in to Boston. That results in an additional 4 hours of travelling time and an additional 400 miles of air travel.

Did I mention the entirely separate travel authorisation tool where I need to estimate all of my expenses and then get 4 levels of approval before I book my trip?

Rant over.

Unexpected sight

This morning I took a drive in to the nearest Circle of Hell to meet up with Golfy. Golfy has recently moved in to a similar job to mine and we agreed to meet up and have a chat. I have decided that I may know very little but am an expert in being the New Guy in this role. Golfy is now challenging for this position which means that I am heading for the anonymity of been around a bit and therefore should know better. Curse him!

It is Golfy's birthday to day and he is 294* I therefore decanted a portion of the 2010 Blackberry Vodka for him and took it in as a gift. He seemed to be delighted and took a sip from the bottle at approximately 9.15 am. That is, perhaps, a glimpse in to his near future as a possible way of dealing with the new job.

The unexpected sight - Yes, I'm getting to that - on the way in to work I saw a small herd of Fresians strip grazing a fodder crop. "So" you might ask, "what is so unusual about that?". It is the middle of January and it is rare to see dairy cattle turned out in Winter. They are usually housed in barns and fed on silage, hay and concentrates rather than go to the effort of turning them out to graze pasture that isn't growing. It was a rare sight and it triggered a memory from some forty years ago.

When I was a child my Dad was a Dairy Farmer too and I remember being in the cattle shed during the winter feeling the warmth from the cows and the unmistakable smells of the beasts, their food and their wastes. But most of all I recall the day in Spring when they were finally turned out. It is an unforgettable sight; that small herd of cows released after perhaps 3 months inside. I remember them galloping and bucking with the sheer exuberance of being released back out in the pastures.

Golfy and I had a good day and I gave him an overview of my current project to give him an idea of how things are done. It looks like we will be working together for the next few weeks at least. I have to say that this might seem to be a case of the blind leading the blind but, as we both agreed, we old enough to ask for help and guidance so I'm sure things will be fine.

I returned home early as TP had been off school sick and he was still huddled on the sofa. He appears brighter this evening and I think he may be fighting off a cold.

As for me my evening started with the rubbing of cure in to the loin of pork. I then came to my laptop to write this Journal entry .....

..... that was my mistake. I now have to arrange to fly to Boston next week for a Customer visit. I really should turn off the instant messaging software but that would only have delayed the request. Ho Hum!

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* in cat years

Eggs & Bacon

Today started with a whizz over to the Rugby club for 10 o'clock only to find that TP's team had an away match but we seemed to have been missed off the email advising us of the location and time of kick off. Having missed the match we left TP to his own devices in the car and took T&M for a walk over the fields behind the pitches. There seemed little point in simply turning round and going straight home as T&M seem to enjoy walks in pastures new.

The missed rugby match meant that I had regained an hour of my life and used this to start the curing of a large loin of pork that 30% had picked up in Tesco on Friday. The plan for this piece of meat is to produce some more Black Bacon following the success of our first attempt that was devoured over Christmas.

The Loin will be massaged in a dry cure daily for the next five or six days before being washed and soaked and then massaged in black treacle for a further week. The result should be a fine piece of Black Back Bacon ......

...... and perfect timing too as the first egg of the year was laid by one of the Minorca's this morning. About time too - those idle hens haven't laid an egg for the best part of 4 months as the moult and the diminishing day lengths inhibit their laying. I'm not expecting a glut anytime soon as it could be days before she lays again and weeks before her colleagues decide to pitch in. That's the thing with older hens, they lay lovely big eggs but not many of them.

This afternoon 30% has planned our US Road Trip and TP and I have pretended to help by nodding and saying yes at the appropriate points.This is not wholly true but apparently my tangential research in to how much a bison would cost* was "Not Helping".

---------------------------------

* a calf is in the region of $700 - $1200

Dog House

Funnily enough this is not a Tyson or Marauder related Journal Entry.

It is a reference to TP's metaphorical location as, for the THIRD time, he has gone straight from school to a friend's home and not bothered to 'phone to say he has arrived.

I'm not, or at least I don't think I am, an over protective parent, and I have not spent the past 24 hours fretting but it would be nice if the little git took 2 minutes of his life to phone home.

A quiet day

Things have been quiet all week and I am starting to look at some on-line education to keep me occupied, fill some knowledge gaps and place ticks in boxes.

Mind you, after yesterday's entry I am also tempted to look at jobs where the salaries are on the increase as Dante's salary reduction tactics i.e. not applying inflationary increases means that within a short space of time I will be able to slip from a  Technical Sales role to a B&Q shelf stacker with no impact on annual income. Plus I will then get a substantial discount on DIY materials and be able to shrug aimlessly at customers and direct them to the wrong end of the store before buggering off for a tea break.

Dad popped in for coffee this morning and brought Tilly with him. He disappeared with a couple of frozen packs of pea and ham soup and a large jar of pickled eggs. He has promised to drop off some of his tomato soup when he next visits. We do this often - swapping food and recipes - and it is always a delight. His most recent offering was a pork terrine that Younger Brother dropped off when I helped him out with his dissertation a couple of days back.

TP is spending the night over at a friend's so it was just 30% and I that sat down to a couple of fine steaks from a local farm washed down with a 2002 Faustino IV Reserva. 30% commented that it was quite a fine bottle of wine to open just because it was Friday but we agreed the steaks definitely deserved it.

Think of a Number .....

Today is the point in Dante's Staff Appraisal Process where I get to meet with my Manager and he tells me how I have done in the past year, what my performance rating is and the things I should look to do in the next 12 months.

Any of you who don't work for Dante's will be possibly thinking "seems fair enough" but those who do will either be sniggering cynically or frothing at the mouth.

You see, Dante's appraisal system is a little odd in that it has a stated aim*** of driving up the performance level of its personnel. One can understand that any organisation would want to do this to be competitive and it does, of course, use mentoring and training* to do this. It also, and here's the rub, has quotas for each Performance Grade.

This makes it very rough on those who are at the point between one grading and another. There appears to be no lee way; x% are top performers and get the benefits. You may have worked your whatsits off during the year but if your face doesn't fit and the bullshit you and your Feedback providers have given is not up to the mark, then forget it. I probably also need to point out that it is a qualitative system rather than a quantitative system so the judgements are made on the basis of narrative and perception rather than fact finding.

I suppose, at this point, that I should state that I did OK. not "great", not even "not quite great", but "OK". This is what I had expected. I have just moved to a new role and could hardly be expected to be winning hearts and minds with little or no experience, but I did OK.

Where this approach is especially rough is at the lower end of the performance spectrum where a low grading can result in all sorts of management focus and activities to "up one's game". That is all well and good if you truly need to pull up your socks but what about the poor sods that have been pushed in to that category by the immovable clip levels that are in place. They were doing fine. They weren't top flight bods but they were there keeping things running and fixing broke things. They were perhaps, never going to set the world on fire but they are a necessary part of the organisation and understandably tend to get very demotivated when they get a crappy rating just because a management policy set a quota rather than developing a review system that actually attempts to accurately rate personnel.

There are countless gripes and issues with the system and one of the major ones is that it is securely linked to the pecuniary rewards. Consequently one can have worked one's balls off but be just outside the clip level and get sweet  F A when the pay rises are announced. I have encountered this situation personally and know how insulting it is to be told that you are situated high in your performance category. So what, when push comes to shove there are no formal gradations in that category so I am just the same as the slacker that has managed to pull their socks up and crawl from an "unsatisfactory" to a "satisfactory".

I know this is a difficult task. A lifetime ago I used to appraise staff and I know how hard it is to stray away from the middle ground and define someone as a star or as crap but that is what is needed. Managers who know their people and can identify wheat and chaff.

I could go on about this "ad nauseam" but the bottom line is that an Appraisal System should be just that. A system that evaluates an organisations personnel. Dante's seem to have bastardised that in to some form of black joke that doesn't stand up well to scrutiny.

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* Provided that you can book and complete your course before the budget is frozen**
** usually around 2nd February
*** as for it's unstated aims -"don't go there".

Picture Post

A quiet day at work and so I have taken the opportunity to trawl through My Pictures and present this one.

I took it at San Diego zoo back in August 2006 when we took our first road-trip. I love the pattern on the Hippo's skin made by the sunlight hitting the waters surface.

Back to work

Tuesday was my first day back in front of the laptop after the Christmas and New Year break.

It was a relatively quiet day as the 4th of January was the deadline date for my current project and we are now hopefully in to a lull whilst the client makes some decisions. There are a few loose ends to be tied and whilst addressing one of these I noted how my world had turned during the past year.

Early in 2010 I became aware of a very senior member of staff at Dante's Nine Circles of Hell. I became aware of him because he used to send legally necessary missives to me and five thousand of my colleagues telling us that 20% of us were to be made redundant. They were neither pleasant or unpleasant mails. Just communications that had to be made as part of a headcount reduction and the associated UK legislation. It was a rough few months and I was one of the lucky ones.

During that process and, in part, as a result of the negative feelings it evoked, I decided to take on a new role at Dante's - pushing another boulder incessantly up the hill - as it were.

The net result of the role change is that this Senior Daemon now e-mails me personally and even bothers to send a "Thank you" when I reply.

----------------------

But that wasn't what I had planned to note down today.

The holidays are over and most people are back at work. This means that I can retake my walk and not have to utter a jovial greeting every 400 yards to a bunch of people who I have never seen before and am highly unlikely to see again.

Christmas Holiday walkers ...... its not a crime. I can understand why people would want to take a walk at Christmas. After all, the weather was fantastic and there is nothing like exercise to shift the uncomfortable stuffed feeling that follows a full breakfast, followed by chocolate, incessant nibbles and a colossal turkey dinner.

As I said, its not a crime but I have found that I have become very possessive about my walking routes and strangers are not particularly welcomed. I am not alone in this feeling and other regular walkers feel the same....

...... and that is the peculiar thing. I am quite happy to bump in to other regular walkers but the "Christmas Walkers" are a source of mild irritation. Why is that? I suppose one of the factors is that my fellow Regulars are used to each others dogs and accept the canine chaos that ensues when dogs meet up and perform the obligatory chasing round in circles accompanied by enthusiastic barks. Christmas Walkers, on the other hand are an unknown and I end up frequently calling T&M back and restraining them to avoid startling these "once a year walkers".

As I jot this down I think fondly of Francis who died sadly and unexpectedly at the beginning of 2010. I didn't know her particularly well but we used to meet regularly when walking and she shared this view. She was a vivacious retired nurse who was "mum" to Mungo and Fidey.

Helping Out

A large chunk of my final day of holiday was spent in the company of my much younger brother.

We don't see a lot of each other as he is currently away at University in Cardiff where he is studying Illustration. The reason for the visit was that he wanted me to give his Dissertation a look over and see whether I could assist with its readability.....


...... after a few hours on the Psychology of motivation and creativity I have to say that my head hurt.

I hope he does OK. It is nerve racking to take apart sentences on a subject one is not overly familiar with and reassemble them hoping to clarify thoughts and arguments.

Advance Planning

30% and I are air-miles collectors, or rather the credit cards we use allow air-miles to be taken as an alternative to in-store discounts. With the increasingly wide availability of card payments points we simply make the majority of our purchases via a credit card and then settle the account at the end of each month. This approach allows us to rack up as many air-miles as possible at no cost other than a little discipline around payment method and account settlement.

Today we reaped the rewards as we booked 3 flights out to LasVegas in August. We don't plan to spend much time at all in Vegas, it is simply a reasonable entry and exit point for a road trip through some of the Western States. There are always plenty of hotels and hire cars available and fight availability is good via the air-miles site. We plan to head North from LasVegas towards Yellowstone but at the moment that's the sum total of our planning. Some of my colleagues have suggested that the Grand Tetons are a "must" if visiting Yellowstone so the route is likely to take in that National Park.

We have been out West a couple of time before and I absolutely adore the Western States I have visited; California, Arizona, Utah and Colorado. I even enjoyed the desert landscapes of Nevada so am really looking forward to the next trip.

We didn't quite have enough air-miles to get three free trips but the discount was excellent and we have three flights for the price of one and plenty of air-miles left over to book the hire car.

Roll on August.

New Year seems a bit of an odd celebration to me. It is, after all, an entirely artificial point in the calendar. If one were looking for a significant date in the calendar that was a transitional point surely the Winter Solstice would be better, not from a pseudo-Druidic religious viewpoint, but from a celestial mechanics perspective it is the point at which the days start to  lengthen and therefore a more logical point to mark the end of one year and the beginning of another.

I appreciate that the majority in the Judea / Christian world go with 1st January but I just think it's a bit odd and to me 21st December is more significant as I know, from that point, that the days are getting longer and that, in time, the Spring will arrive with the associated explosion of life.

Even this suggestion is somewhat globally localised as the Southern Hemisphere would look to 21st June as their New Year as this is the point at which their days lengthen again.

Putting this aside, we had a normal Saturday really. Christmas debris was cleared and the pile of logs deposited near the garage just before Christmas was stacked under a tarpaulin with the assistance of TP.

We went to my Dad's for dinner and he had done a beautiful roast leg of lamb and, to 30%'s delight, a trifle for dessert.

Advanced woodwork

30% claims not to know what a compound mitre is.

Having cut a slice of bread from the loaf this morning I'm not sure I believe her.

Thursday

Thursday morning was spent attaching the TV wall bracket in our bedroom. All went well and within a relatively short time it was firmly fixed and vertical. TP and I then slid the TV in to position and I swore repeatedly as it was irritatingly out of true due to some play in the aforementioned bracket. This necessitated numerous trials and adjustments to resolve, but resolved it was. I can now report that horizons are appropriately horizontal and street scenes are no longer reminiscent of Pisa or some post-earthquake location.

My next mission is to raise floorboards to locate and route coaxial to enable connection to the Sky box.

Today like Wednesday and also Friday is a holiday for me but I have been persuaded to attend a number of relatively short but vital review calls. The persuasion was the unspoken and therefore incredibly sophisticated "its only a couple of hours over the three days" but I am realising how even a single conference call* takes away that holiday feeling because a colleague is now controlling my time.

It is Moneypenny's birthday today so we are off the spend the evening with James Bond and Moneypenny and our mutual friends, and childrens' TV Rag Doll characters, Rosie and Jim. A splendid time was had catching up on news and generally taking the rise out of each other whilst the collection of children disappeared to munch on pizza, play on the XBox360 and watch DVDs until a time far too late for even the eldest of them.

---------------------------

* Never mind the necessary follow up emails that then seem to be absolutely vital.

Hunter Wellingtons aren't worth the money

A real pea souper today that didn't clear.

A quiet day involving little more than a walk and a trip in to town to pick up a bracket to wall mount the new TV. You can tell it was quiet when a seasonal visit by Village Idiot gets a mention in The Journal. He was his usual self recounting tales of his Christmas Budget; £27.00, and the fact that he had already knackered his new Wellingtons shifting the lorry battery that he uses to wedge shut* the door on his fowl pen.

This provoked a rural Consumer Review and both VI and I agreed that there is absolutely no point in buying expensive wellies as they do not appear to have a longer lifespan than cheap ones. My last pair were Argylls that I inherited from my Dad who, in turn, acquired them from Ministry of Agriculture stores. These were at least 16 years old when they gave up the ghost in the January 2010 snows. I nipped on to one of the local feed merchants to get a replacement pair and briefly toyed with a pair of Hunters but these are for people with thinner calves than mine so opted for a replacement pair of Argylls. I noted, with mild interest, that Argylls are also produced by Hunter and state that clearly inside the boot.

I hated the damn things from the start. They were floppy and rubbery rather than firm but pliable like the previous pair and never gripped the foot properly as the old ones did. I persevered but never really bonded so it is with mixed feelings that I point out that they have worn out in less than 10 months. I kid you not - I haven't punctured them or ripped the upper - I have actually managed to walk the heels off them in under a year.

I only wear them when it absolutely soaking so it is not as though I have used them day in day out but my road test suggests that most of the £30 I spent on them was pure profit as a pair of Dunlops are about £12 and I am pretty damn sure they will give me at least as much mileage.

I cant believe I have just written a review of a pair of Wellies but, thinking about it, I wish someone had 12 months ago.

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* when I re-read this before publishing this read "wedge shit the door". Having seen the state of VI's fowl pen, either will suffice

Tuesday was another lazy day and I make no apology for my slothful nature.

Prior to the Christmas break I had been very busy and am now taking time to recharge the batteries as the New Year may be even more manic if the project goes well.

Today 30%'s ex frolleague * Jules came over for the day and they both joined me and T&M on our morning walk through the slush. After a splendid lunch** we drove in to Stratford for a wander round the Sales. I escorted TP, who is now upright and clothed whilst 30% and Jules disappeared in search of bargains.

I wasn't really in a shopping mood but did cash in a Waterstones gift card and walked out with Bill Bryson's At Home - A Short history of Private Life and Iain M Banks' Surface Detail. I just need to finish Frankie Boyle's My Shit Life so Far which is laugh out loud funny but, by it's own admission, far from literature.

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* Frolleague - Noun, portmanteau word, a colleague who is also a friend.
** Brisket; slow cooked in Stout

The Thaw

I managed to have a lie-in this morning and it was gone eight o'clock before I rose and went through the morning ritual of turning on the coffee machine before letting out T&M and then going out side to feed and liberate the chickens.

I noticed that the air was much warmer and everywhere I could hear repeated dripping as the snow started to melt. I shall miss it. I have enjoyed the beauty it has brought and the associated cold doesn't worry me one bit but now we have the thaw. That few days where it lingers in shady corners but turns to brown slush so quickly everywhere else. It is peculiar how it goes from being lovely when all encompassing to being most unattractive as it starts to run away.

I checked the outside taps and was somewhat relived to find that all are running and that we have no bursts. Note to self; lag the taps before the next major freeze.

TP had another lazy day today but was well enough to dress and his appetite is returning. 30% and I nipped in to one of the local towns to have a wander round the Sales and return a couple of "wrong size" items. We managed to return with a Super King size duvet and a 32" flat screen TV for our bedroom.

I now see a couple of projects in my near future; one involving mounting the TV on the wall and the other necessitating the lifting of a couple of floor boards to locate the coaxial cable that the electrician left behind when the extension was built. This will allow me to pipe the satellite TV through to the two main bedrooms in the house.

Best Day of the holiday

That's how my Dad refers to Boxing Day. All of the stress, hassle, obligations and expectations of Christmas Day have gone away and you have time to enjoy yourselves, doing what you like with no tradition or rigmarole to follow.

I am inclined to agree.

TP is still unwell but is vastly improved from the 24th. Today was a Duvet Day for him. He snuggled up on the sofa in front of the fire, watched the beginnings of a few films and then slept through the endings.

30% seemed intent on staying in her pyjamas but I coaxed her out of them and we took T&M for a walk in the afternoon.

All in all we have had a most splendid day. A modicum of exercise has been taken so that we can avoid any self imposed accusations of laziness and the rest of the day was spent in front of the fire eating and drinking as we liked.

On the subject of food a couple of projects have been sampled over the Christmas period and they all get the big thumbs up. The Black Bacon  made a beautiful breakfast on Christmas Day. The Blackberry Vodka went down very well with 30%'s relatives and I have found that it is so much more than a liqueur as, when mixed with lemonade, produces a quality alcopop. The surprise eggsperiment was a jar of surplus eggs that I pickled in a white balsamic vinegar. These are a real surprise and a million miles away from the acidic bullets sold in fish and chip shops. I love balsamic vinegar so they had a head start but the sweetness combined with the tartness of the vinegar works beautifully to give them a real lift and make them worthy inclusions on the Christmas pickle tray.

White Christmas

and the award for the most unoriginal Journal entry title goes to ...........

Having said that, this is the first occasion in my life that I can recall snow on the ground at Christmas. Falls like this are very rare in this part of the Country. They do occur every ten to fifteen years but they are usually much later in the Winter. The snow at present is spectacular but I will get to that in a minute.

It's Christmas Day and I woke at just gone 5. "Ah!" You're saying, "excited kids". "Bollocks" is my witty response. TP is 14 and far too laid back to get up at Godawful o'clock. No, the reason for my early start is that the alarm at the local Doctor's Surgery decided to go off and it is somewhat piercing. The lack of a contact number meant that there was a chat with nice lady at the end of the Non-emergency Police Phone Line. This isn't the first time the alarm has gone faulty and I have the suspicion that ultimately a call will need to be made to Environmental Health to get the situation resolved.

It is unfortunate that the Doctor lives out of earshot of the fucking thing and consequently relies on our kindness to alert him. It is also unfortunate that he is too tight to have the damned thing linked in to a central point or have a service contract in place. He also seems to have forgotten to list any telephone numbers for facilities related issues. GIT!

Right, rant over, Christmas Day ........

....... it is likley to be a quiet one as TP is recovering from a dose of Swine Flue that he picked up whilst away at his Grandma's and 30% is none too bright having been working very long hours recently. I appear to be the only one in full health but I seem to have a strange ringing in my ears all the time ......

We are visiting 30%'s parents for Dinner this evening so have much the day to relax and exchange gifts and have snoozes in front of the fire.

I took T&M for a walk in the morning and the weather was amazing. There had been a haw frost overnight and as I walked huge icy flakes fell from the trees against the clear blue sky. It was quite surreal as it seemed like snow was falling from a cloudless sky.

Snow & Ice

Slippery & Steep

It's still chilly

The cold snap continues .... Ambridge

Willow in the snow

Ice & Ivy

Setting Sun

What do you want?

Its Traditional ....

This morning I carried out my annual survey of the profit margin on a non-drop Chrstmas Tree.

This seasonal experiment involves visiting the local Garden Centre as late as possible during advent and seeing how much discount I am offered to take the best tree he has. I now have a fantastic 5'6" spruce waiting to be put in to a stand and decorated.....

..... and the discount, well lets say that £20 magically disappeared from the price ticket just before I left a snowy car park totally devoid of other cars.

The tree will be decorated after Dinner this evening as we settle in after the Carol Service on the Village Green. It is a superb event and is very well organised. A local Brass Band will provide the music and song sheets are distributed. There is a PA set up so that the outdoor service can be heard and quite a crowd gather under the Christmas Tree on the Green. I'm no believer but I can vouch for it being a lovely way to celebrate Christmas Eve. I must admit that, at lunch time, I am assuming it will still be held and has not been canceled due to the snow.

To anyone reading this I hope the holiday period goes the way you want it to .......


..... Seasons Greetings - a Bad Man

Potato, at rest

Out of the way of those bloody dogs !

B'Day

No, not a reference to an item of sanitary ware, but the abbreviation I use for birthday.

Today it is mine. Just in case there is a slim chance that someone might actually send best wishes or anniversary greetings I should point out that although today is anniversary of the day of my birth it is not actually the date that I celebrate it.

Why? You may ask and I will tell you. The 23rd of December is probably one of the worst days on the planet to celebrate a birthday and before anyone goes with the obvious " you only get one present, a combined Christmas and Birthday" I'll put that to bed straight away .........

........ I don't mind that at all.

The reason I dislike having my Birthday so close to Christmas is that it is somewhat overshadowed by one of the major Religious Festivals in the Christian Calendar.To be honest everyone is pretty much focussed on the big day as would be expected and there tends to be a bit of "Oh and then there's YOUR birthday as well..... " to it.

I have to be fair here and say that, in previous years, 30% was absolutely brilliant and took great efforts to make the day special but Christmas can be an intense time of year anyway, what with having the finish off ones work tasks, shopping, wrapping, decorating and giving, so to have some spoiled prat that needs a special day too just adds to the potential burden.

I had always thought about moving my birthday to another point in the year, perhaps to when the weather is more clement but how does one decide on which day? Does one simply push it out by six months or perhaps go with something more complicated and have a mobile date that coincides with one of the warmer bank holidays so that you have a warm three day weekend to celebrate your anniversary*.

You see, it is complicated and for a few years I pondered but did nothing. Then back in 2008 I had something that some people regard as a life changing event. I had a totally unexpected, some would say fluke, life threatening medical condition. I was lucky and survived and after a few months was able to return to a normal life. That event happened on 23rd March and it seemed to be an ideal point to shift my Birthday to.

So what will today hold for me? I will get a couple of cards and a few best wishes and greeting but no presents, no outings, no birthday feasts. All of that can wait for 3 months until the days are getting longer and the weather is getting warmer.

I know that there are other crappy days to celebrate ones birthday. One of my best friends has hers on 30th December, a week from now, She and I regularly have the same discussion - try inviting your friends out for a drink and you find a reluctance as they are really preparing for the following evenings to herald in either Christmas or the New Year. I'm guessing that Christmas day, New Years Day, Boxing day and 2nd January can all be a bit rough too.

So, if like me, you have a birthday around this time of year and don't really enjoy it, go on - shift it to a point in the year that suits you - after all It is YOUR BIRTHDAY and you can do with it what you want.

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* and one that absolutely no one else can remember. Can you tell me when Easter is next year? No, neither can I.

Word of the Day ...

Micicle 

(mice - ickle) Noun. A frozen water and rodent based dessert snack. These are usually made by stunning a small rodent and then hanging it by its tail under a dripping faucet on a very cold night. The resulting frozen dessert is eaten using the now solid tail as a handle and is now enjoyed all over the world.

on / off

Having been full on and, on occasions, even more so for the past couple of months it is very strange to have a quiet day.

I still have things to do but my total call duration today was 30 minutes rather than 3 or more hours which has been usual each day in previous weeks. The e-mail arrivals have plummeted and I am able to relax a little. The problem is that I can't just wander away and do something else as I may be needed for a last minute enquiry or  5 minute call to settle some point or other. So having been used to moving at a fair rate of knots for hours on end the need to sit at a laptop sedately for a fairly standard working day is somewhat tedious....

..... Yes, I know, I shouldn't look a gift horse in the proverbials.

I had another lovely walk this afternoon and the quieter working day meant that there was no rush to be back by a specific time. The skies were grey and we are forecast further snow today but there were no flurries and all three of us enjoyed the fresh air and the increased daylight reflected from the snow covered fields and paths.

30% has been working from home these past couple of days and has been far busier than I. She was going stir crazy so this evening, after lighting the log burner and de-icing the Defender, we took a trip in to the supermarket to pick up a few odds and ends including a replacement phone for the one T&M destroyed a couple of weeks back.

Tescos was quite bizarre and had an almost post-apocalyptic feel to it with people trudging in with pained and wearied expressions tinged with a hint of "I've Survived the Arctic Holocaust" in their eyes. Their mode of dress added to the scene and they were filling trollies like crazy, stocking up for Christmas combined with fear of further snow.

30% and I are pretty relaxed about this and take the view that. unlike twenty or thirty years ago, Christmas is only a single day and the stores are open from Boxing Day onwards. Why panic and buy 4 tons of food and drink when, if you run short, your nearest store is open from 10 am on 26th December.

We actually take a different approach and keep plenty of supplies at home. We both work and there are occasions when we just can't be arsed to run in to the supermarket. So we have three freezer rammed to the gills, a very healthy store cupboard and a wine cellar so can avoid a trip to Tescos for a good while  if the need be.

So, that was my day; work, walk and the supermarket and an evening with a glass of Rioja in front of the fire.

An enjoyable lull before the Christmas chaos hits

Monday Review

No, not a gig or stand up session, today was the penultimate review* of my project before it can be released and combined with two others to form the programme in its entirety.

This meant that I as a "New Kid" had to dial in to a call and present to an anonymous executive and my line manager for an hour about a project of a type that I had absolutely zero experience of up until about 8 weeks ago. To say that I was shitting myself this morning was somewhat of an understatement. Fortunately my "Buddy" agreed to join the call in case it got a bit sticky.

I was nervous but I got through it and my work can be released on a conditional basis. My Buddy kept pretty quiet throughout the call only pitching in on a couple of occasions to keep things heading in the right direction. At the end I felt immense relief tinged with trepidation that, all being well, I will have to go through this again but in much greater detail at some point in the Spring.

The past few months have been quite an experience after 4 years in a role where I had become comfortable and very experienced. I am now in new pastures and the challenges are daunting. I have an immense amount to learn and am constantly out of my comfort zone as I dig out my pitons, crampons and ice axe and address the learning curve. Am I enjoying it ? ......

..... Hmmm! Tricky one that. If you ask me during each ascent I will give you a resounding "No" but at the end of each day after I have had time to savour the tiny accomplishments I will give a grudging nod and a quiet thanks to the army of people that support and assist through this climb.

I am hoping that the rest of the week will be calmer and let me have a degree of wind down before the Christmas break.

Outside of work we again experienced an extremely cold night. It dropped to minus 18 celcius down the road in Pershore last night and we had a water pipe freeze cutting off hot water to one of the bathrooms and the downstairs loo for a few hours. After bumping up the heating and adding a little extra from a portable unit we soon got things moving again and decided that perhaps we should leave the central heating on overnight during this cold spell.

I took T&M for a walk this afternoon and took delight in the solitude and quiet of the three miler. The snow means that there was no traffic and I was able to let the dogs off for most of the walk. I walked though a steady fall of snow for  an hour and enjoyed every minute away from a laptop and phone. It is still snowing this evening as I type this entry and we are already wondering whether TP will make it back from his Grandma's before Christmas.

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* The final one is not one I have to host. I just have to turn up,listen and hopefully not say much :-)

Stocking Up ...

No its not a reference to the practice of hanging lingerie from the mantel in the hope of Christmas gifts.

30% and I took advantage of a Sunday without Rugby and spent a good few hours in the Kitchen doing some bulk cooking. Nothing out of the ordinary, just a few staples that freeze well and provide a home cooked meal at the end of a busy working day.

We started off with a couple of gammon hocks and a kilo of split peas that had been soaked overnight and after a mammoth veg prep session and a three hour simmer we have about 7 litres of Pea & Ham Soup that makes a great lunch with some crusty bread. In case you are wondering what cooking vessel I use for a gallon and a half of soup ....

..... its not only Jam that you can make in a Jam kettle.

Once that was simmering we knocked up some home made faggots with a shoulder of pork and some liver that had been sat in one of the freezers. We had about 3 kilos of meat and liver and ended up with somewhere in the region of 50 faggots that have been pre-cooked and frozen in their own gravy. They are a lovely blast from the past with mash and peas for supper on a cold winter evening. All of the roasting tins were put to use and both ovens were running for a couple of hours to get that lot cooked.

By the time we had finished that it was lunch time and soon after we saw TP off to his Grandma's as his Mum had decided to drive down South today*

30% and I then took T&M out for a walk. It was beautiful out, very cold, but lovely. Earlier today I had caught the overnight forecast and we were one of the coldest places in the Country as the Pershore Weather Station recorded an overnight low of - 19 celcius.

T&M go crazy in the snow and ended up coming home absolutely covered with icy lumps where it has accumulated on their coats. We had to dip their legs in warm water to remove the ice and then let them dry in the hall before they were allowed further in to the house. Fortunately the hall has stone flags and the resulting water was soon mopped up.

Cold Feet!

Just below St Peter's

T&M at play

 Once they were damp rather than sopping and settled with a bone each from the gammon hocks, I put the final dish of the day on. We were going to need some freezer space and the pigs head and trotters just had to go so another batch of brawn was kicked off.

Somewhere amongst all this I got the Log Burner fired up and I will be collapsing on front of it alongside Eddy just as soon as I can.

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* He eventually arrived about 5 hours later having had to have a tow at one point when she skidded on a roundabout. The normal journey time from here would be 2.5 - 3 hours in normal conditions.

A bit of an adventure

The general advice to day for motorists was to only travel if absolutely necessary.

What the fuck does that mean?

For some people that is "I must get down to A&E as I seem to have taken off my hand at the wrist with a chainsaw". For others it is "I absolutely must get my sister those fluffy pink ear muffs to go with the array of presents I have already been accumulating since the end of September".

Do you see what I mean? Some peoples definition of absolutely necessary is well off the mark. For example my ex-wife decided that a 140 mile journey in a rear wheel drive BMW was absolutely necessary. Actually that is not true - I don't think she actually considered the weather forecast at all. In fact if she actually engaged her brain this morning before piling her two kids in to a BMW and heading towards heavy snow for at least 50% of her journey I'd be amazed. The plan was that she would pick up TP in Stratford and head down to her mother's in SW London. I called her "en route" and from the conversation it was apparent that she had used none of the information sources available to her to determine what the weather was likely to be on the way down and was travelling with two young children on the basis of a discussion with her aged mother and alcoholic brother the previous evening.

My "on the ground" advice that the snow was falling fast and settling on the roads did not seem to persuade her that she ought to reconsider and the suggestion that she might want to check the BBC and Highways Agency websites fell on deaf ears. It was only when I point blank refused to deliver TP to her that she decided to abandon her trip and return to her home. We have had the best part of 8" of snow today and driving is treacherous. I checked the route that TP's mum proposed to drive with TP and her 5 and 7 year old and noted that at least one section had reported 4 to 5 hours delays and described the M40 as a car park.

Would you want to do that if you didn't have to? I certainly wouldn't.

The net result is that TP's mum is safe at home with her two kids and husband and is considering travelling tomorrow after checking the travel conditions. She could have spent a fascinating time with them stuck in a car on a snowy motorway because she decided that disappointing the kids and her mum meant that travel was absolutely necessary.

Now I'm just as bad in my own way as I decided that I needed to travel 12 miles to do a bit of Christmas shopping but I did take precautions. I did chuck a spade in the back of the car and the car of choice was the Defender. She is designed to go up a mountain via the shorter bumpier routes so 12 miles of snowy A roads weren't really going to be a problem and they weren't.

What were the problems were the idiots in 2 wheel drive cars that decided that they needed to go shopping too. There are a few steep hills between home and Stratford on Avon and on the way home every single one of them was blocked by someone in a 2 wheel drive car sat skewed across the middle of the road half way up.

I took several detours on the way home and in the end my tactic was to use the most snowy B roads as they were least used, most snow covered and least likely to be blocked by abandoned cars. We got home without incident but it took the best part of an hour rather that the normal 20 to 30 minutes.

The point I am trying to make here is that there is no definition of "absolutely necessary" and that will never dissuade an idiot from driving in deep snow. However, here's a thought, it might be possible to prohibit two wheel drive or rear wheel drive cars from blocking up roads if they are snow covered and only permitting 4 wheel drives and essential vehicles when the roads are deep and crisp and even.

It is treacherous out here at the moment and I am not kidding when I say that I saw an ambulance out with its flashing blues on and it was being towed by a tractor. We passed it and saw that it had just been pulled up a hill that had a fuck wit sat half way up in a two wheel drive car. I hope it made it to wherever it was going and that it's unfortunate passenger was OK.

If you are going out at the moment drive an appropriate vehicle or stay at home. It's no fun sleeping in a snow bound car - they aren't well insulated. Stay at home or get a vehicle you know has the capability of getting you to your destination.

It's Panto Time .....

Oh no it isn't

Oh yes it is ......

This is now getting ridiculous. The long awaited approval came though this morning from one of the Execs. The problem child was carbon copied on the communication. I have now been told that I still need the problem child's tick in the box. It should be noted that the two of them work as a partnership so are we going to see a good versus evil battle on stage?

To be honest I'd prefer Jack & The Beanstalk

A watched pot ..

Today has been a hiatus as I waited for the approval that was implied on yesterday's call.

It hasn't arrived and so, tomorrow, we have another potential train wreck of a call with the Problem Child.

I have used the time to clear the decks and take the dogs for a decent walk.

My Dad turned up for a coffee and for the first time in a few weeks we had the chance to chat and laugh. His hot topics were that Tilly had been clipped a couple of weeks back and had been spayed at the beginning of the week. He absolutely adores her and it is a delight to see a really soft side of him come out when he talks about her. She has had the same effect on Step-mum Sue too.

Other news included a visit to elder sister's to pick up a lamb carcass and to meet younger sister's new man. He shares the same name as a cat we had when younger sister was a child and in true Bad Man Senior form his opening line was "You look nothing like Colin the old cat". In fact he would have probably pronounced it cyat (keeyat) if he delivered it in the local dialect.

He was happy with the lamb but not impressed that the dog was admonished for jumping on to the Sofa to reach his lap.

It is elder sister's 50th Birthday early in the New Year and she is having a Grand Do at a local Stately Home. It is Evening Dress and Pater is already muttering that he is too old for this lark.

Not a lot else to say really. It has started to turn cold and after the rain this afternoon we have had a few flakes of snow this evening. I have lit the fire and Potato and Eddy are already installed in front of it. I plan to do the same quite shortly.

Phew!

11 hours stuck in front of a laptop, with a phone glued to my ear, typing one handed in to an instant messaging application.

At least this time we moved forward. We have had a reasonably successful review call and hopefully we can move forward to the next "gate". The main issue has been related to a Reviewer that wants to address points that are outside their remit and are outside the scope of what we are trying to achieve.

Fortunately we had another Exec on the call today and due to an over run the Problem Exec had to leave before the end. The net result is the view that we have included what would be expected for the scope of our project - A tentative thumbs up.

I'm not being Bitchy - actually I am - but I got a bit concerned when the Problem Child stated that they thought CH* was an abbreviation for the Channel Islands rather than Switzerland. For God's Sake! They work for an International Company but don't know the standard abbreviation for Switzerland. Is it me?

After three tiresome and expensive meetings, where the Reviewer threw the proverbial toys each time, I got the feeling that they might be either very busy or a bit thick and were using aggression instead of trying to actually understand the answers we were providing.

Anyway, we now hopefully have progressed and all is well.

I therefore managed to step outside the house for a walk with 30% and T&M albeit after dark. 30% had purchased reflective coats for T&M so they looked like a road repair crew on acid as the cavorted across the fields in the dark for the first time in 48 hours - I actually knew how they felt and reveled in being outside and away from work.

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* For anyone interested it is an acronym of Canton Helvetica.

Arghh!

14 hours sat in front of a laptop with a phone glued to my ear whilst typing one handed on Instant Messaging software as I experienced the changing of goal posts.........

........ Unfortunately I wasn't watching Groundsmen Live on the BBC iPlayer and excitedly telling all of my mates about it.

The only similarity to Groundsmen Live was the lack of Supporters

Christmas Party

After a day of chasing around for numbers that didn't exist and getting absolutely nowhere the last thing I needed was the dog training Christmas Party with games and prizes galore .........

....... That just goes to show how much I know.

It was exactly what I needed, something completely different with people who don't know or care what I do. It was exactly the "corridor" to take me from my working day to my evening. TP and Tyson won the egg and spoon race and I managed to forget about crap for a while - RESULT.

The Big Match

TP's Rugby team were playing against TP's old club today.

We had moved to TP's current club after 5 seasons. The reason for the move, one of the Coaches behaviour was, shall we say "erratic" and after a few ranting sessions and some bizarre decisions I decided to approach him. His response was that if I had a problem I should put it writing*. I did. I also kept reminding the club when they seemed a little slow in progressing my complaint. A long 5 months later it appears that my complaint was upheld as I was advised that the Coach would no longer be Coaching and is now just a Dad.

After that it was never really the same and the fact that they didn't appear to have a full squad  was the final straw so we moved to TP's new club. They are not the strongest team but they have a great ethos and a committed squad. If they can find a bit more aggression they will become a great team.

So, the match. It was a cold and foggy day down by the river - it was an away match - and the home side had managed to pull together a team - JUST - 15 plus a single sub. It was a bit of a grudge match and, from what I saw through the murk, it was pretty evenly matched except for the fact that TP's team seemed unwilling to pick the damned ball up and run with it. Their defense was great but they simply seemed to lack the aggression to get hold of the ball and keep it.

Final Result 25:7. At least they scored!

Am I sorry TP swapped clubs? The answer is a definite no, even in defeat still no. Furthermore it was TPs decision where he played. We asked him how he felt after today's game and whether he regretted moving on.Again, a definite no. He enjoys the structure and discipline at the new club and hopefully they will gel and get the win they really deserve.

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* Much of my "day job" is writing forceful arguments and justifications so if he thought that was going to put me off he was sadly mistaken.

Shopping

High Spot for 30% - I didn't moan and did actually find something I wanted that could be classed as a potential gift

High Spot for me - I found a Gruffalo Glove Puppet* which kept me entertained for 10 minutes

* This wasn't the "suitable gift"

I'm gonna blog.....

... while you two watch Eastenders. I don't know what I'm going to blog but I'm going to blog.

That pretty much sums up my mental state. I have finished work for the day - note day, not week, - and am now on the outside of a Chinese Takeaway and a large Gin and Tonic.

Today has had highs and lows. I suppose I really need to describe what I am up to for any of this to make any sense. My project needs to go through a series of reviews or gates before I can complete it and pass it on to the next team. Each individual component needs to be reviewed by experts and then the whole project needs to be reviewed from a design and quality perspective and then there are the financials ..............

........... by now anyone reading this will have hit the "back" button or chewed off their own arm for light relief. Basically I have a load of ball-breaking reviews to get through. Some have gone really well but the last one was a bit of a traffic accident! To be fair the reviewer had a valid point and it needs to be addressed but her approach killed the review in its tracks and we lost the opportunity to cover the rest of her material due to her "I'm not going any further" approach. It was a little rich as she then acknowledged that she hadn't given the project the support it needed and commented on the unfairness of introducing a new approach a couple of days before the call.

Fuck it - its Friday - I've done what I can so can hit the weekend with a clear conscience. I've fired off a couple of mails, set up a call for Monday, spoken to my Exec and 2nd Line Manger and am forgetting about this nonsense for 24 hours at least.

----------------------------------------

Today the weather has warmed slightly and the haw frost has disappeared. The ground is still hard but there has been a slight thaw. Its a shame. I love the cold frosty weather, the high pressure that gives beautiful clear, blue winter skies and the frost transforms the world from Autumnal drab to Winter sparkle. The forecast suggest that it will be back by the beginning of next week, so fingers crossed.

Plans for the weekend; Shopping tomorrow and if the ground is soft enough TP will play against his old club at Rugby on Sunday. I have, of course, Parented in the appropriate fashion and told him to show no mercy against his old team mates. 

Playing Dirty

This morning I was somewhat jaded after the review yesterday but my spirits were lifted after a discussion with my Buddy.

As I am the "new guy"* on the team, he is there to mentor me and make sure that I am not too far behind the curve on this current project. He had a look at the outputs from yesterdays review and decided that things were in good shape.

He also confirmed my suspicions about a couple of reviewers that were taking a rather limited view of their scope and Geographic responsibilities. Being a straightforward sort of chap I took a head on approach and got a definite "No" when I asked them if they were going to coordinate the inputs from other reviewers in their area of responsibility.

This was not a good situation meaning that I needed to do my day job and have 3 or more reviews** instead of one. I therefore decided that we should all discuss this with my Exec and find a "way forward" - RESULT ! - suddenly everyone is a lot more compliant and has far more encompassing view of what they need to do.

I don't like being given the run around by Teflon shouldered Old Lags because I am new to the job. I have been around the block and have a few tricks up my sleeve too. I used one of them today. As a Learner I don't have the time to put up with Posturing and Bluster. If my Reviewers are adding value I'm more than willing to take it on board. If they are just in the game to justify their existence or have an easy time on the run up to Christmas .... well that is a different matter.

Today's high point was on a call with a few Lawyers where my project and my understanding of the law stood up to their scrutiny - Bloody Hell - I might actually survive this :-)

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* more accurately "old, new guy" as in plenty of years on the planet, only a few weeks in the job
** and the huge amount of crap each one would generate

Wednesday Review

I spent all day in a review of my project and it went as well as I expected. It got a thorough going over and got plenty of constructive comments. It is unfortunate that, at times, the Reviewers thought I had to deliver a final product when in fact my output is most definitely a draft. I have therefore taken the previous draft, improved it, and received acknowledgment that it has been refined but still feel that I am likely to get a worse assessment that the previous round - puzzled!

This didn't put me in the best frame of mind for the evening when we went to see Tim Minchin in Birmingham where he was backed by a full orchestra. I first came across this Australian .....

..... I was going to type comedian but that hardly does him justice. Performance Artist is probably better in view of his undoubted musical talent.....

I first came across him about 18 months ago via a You Tube clip and we went to see him, at that time, in Warwick to see what he was like. He is an amazing talent and his songs are delivered beautifully but have  the most peculiar and funny lyrics.

Last nigh his repertoire included the love song for his wife; " If I hadn't found you it would have been somebody else" where he covers the statistical probability of finding another soul mate and the classic ode to racism Only a Ginger can call another Ginger "Ginger". I must admit that one of my favourites last night was his tirade at the Pope about the Catholic Church's covering up of child abuse entitled "Fuck You Motherfucker"

 Go see him - he's Brilliant - unless you are a staunch Catholic who doesn't like to see the Holy See given a thorough drubbing - in which case stay in.

Impending Doom?

Tomorrow is a big day for the Project I am currently working on. An all day review will consider the design and the quality of my team's work and will ensure that the numbers are the right order of magnitude to take it on and run with it.

As a consequence I have been pulling materials together, organising rooms and equipment whilst still trying to assemble my deliverable. It is very much like struggling in to one's Dinner Suit whilst travelling to the Venue and having the Tailor along to make some last minute alterations to the cut and leg length.

I'm expecting a mauling tomorrow - if I look at things like that; glass half empty, with a drowned fly floating in it, then anything less than crucifixion will seem like a blessing.

Whilst this is the main focus of the week I still have many other threads to pick up and progress so my day was a procession of calls, meetings and it was a struggle to find an hour to get lunch and travel in to the nearest circle of Hell for this afternoon's calls and face to face meetings.

As a result today's walk was very early in the day and the weather was amazing. It was absolutely freezing but the sky was clear and blue and like yesterday everything was covered with a blanket of ice crystals. At one point I brushed against a tree and for a full half minute a shower of icy dust fell to the ground. The noise was amazing, a hushed whispering as the crystals fell amongst the undergrowth.

Its cold out.

Freezing fog has blanketed the village all day and made my lunchtime walk an unusual experience.

My horizon was, at best, 75 yards and on higher ground anything more than 50 yards away was shrouded. It also had a deadening effect on sound as well as restricting vision so it really was just me and the dogs as we wandered round the Three Miler.

Every surface was a delight of ice crystals. every plant wearing a coat of fragile white needles, some nearly half an inch in length. All the recent snow may have gone but the ice and fog gave another, perhaps rarer, winter perspective.

I noticed that T&M had started to develop frosty bibs as their breath condensed and fine crystal webs started to form on their coats as we walked.

It was a delight to be out and away from my desk for an hour savouring the novel perspective the fog and cold brought.

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Other Stuff:

Tonight we are off to see Rich Hall at the Artrix in Bromsgrove. Generally dry and cynical - he is one of my favourite Stand Up Acts. He also has moments of lunacy and I was lucky to see his alter ego Otis Lee Crenshaw perform a few years back in Birmingham. For some reason Rich is regular player at the Artrix which is surprising as it is tiny and certainly off the beaten track in terms of comedy venues.

Calm before the storm

Sunday started at around 9 o'clock when I called TP from his pit as he need to be up ready for Rugby Practice. His team have a match next weekend against his old club. It will be a close run thing and it would be nice for his new team to win as they did when they last played each other.

While TP trained, 30% and I took T&M for a long walk along the footpath that runs over the fields behind the pitches. It is a lovely route and it was at its finest under clear blue skies and crisp underfoot due to the overnight frost.

The afternoon saw TP and 30% nip in to one of the local towns for a spot of Christmas Shopping while I spent a couple of hours crunching some numbers and summarising them for a presentation later in the week.....

.... the observant of you may have noticed that I have just used the "C word" in my blog. Yes, Christmas - its on its way. For several weeks now I have managed to turn a blind eye to it. Working from home means that the October kick off of the retail extravaganza has escaped me and the new role has occupied so much of my time that I have given little thought to the upcoming festivities.

I'm not a great fan of Christmas and I think its probably best if I leave it there.