Planning my escape

I woke early and took advantage of this to get ahead in the game…

… I had originally been asked to spend three days in London this week, however yesterday it had been agreed that I could return home today but I had a couple of hefty deliverables to produce first. I was therefore showered and checked out by quarter past six and was walking in to the Office at quarter to seven in the morning.

Today was much like yesterday; the same faces in the same war room chewing over the same “facts”. The light relief over the past two days has been provided by a colleague who I have worked with on several occasions but have never met before yesterday. She shares a similar view to me on the state of this project and we have a common interest outside work in that we both own Standard Poodles we therefore provided moral support and doggy diversions to each other on what is a really shitty deal on an Account that appears to be staffed by complete incompetents.

The main decision of any value today was that we will recommend that this deal be progressed by the Account Team should future work be required after the current round of fun. This will come as a bit of a shock to the Account Team as they think we are in this for the long journey but there is little, if any, profit to be had and a huge amount of hassle and pain making any progress, Fundamentally this can be summed up by the following thought directed at the Account Exec; “ If you don’t like what I have done why don’t you just fuck right off and do it yourself? Oh, I forgot, you don’t actually have the ability do you!”

 I made my escape from the Office shortly after five o'clock and made the six twenty two back towards Evesham. 30% picked me up from the station and by nine o'clock I was getting myself on the outside of a home made beef curry and a glass of red ...

... Simple pleasures after two very long days.

Some Things Never Change

Monday started early as I needed to be down in London for a couple of days to tie up some of the many loose ends that are left after the rushed job of knocking up the latest project.

30% kindly ran me in to Evesham for the ten to seven train and by nine forty five I was walking through the revolving doors of one of the London Circles of Hell. It was a long day stuck in a war room poring over the project costs. I have to be honest and say much of the activity was a complete waste of time as the number at the end of the day was incredibly similar to the one we started with. Fundamentally, for every estimate that we found was too high we found another that was too low or missed and the numbers wavered around the same point all day long. The only benefit to this exercise was that the Sales Executive now has a clearer understanding of the numbers and can no longer moan at me to “scrub cost”.

I eventually made my escape a little after seven and was ensconced in a hotel in Swiss Cottage a little before eight. I spent the evening in the company of a fine band of fellow Daemons who also use this watering hole and dinner, drinks and war stories were shared before I retired for a fairly early night.

The main irritation of the day was not the cost scrubbing exercise but the call I received while I was sat in Standard Class somewhere in the vicinity of Reading.  "Hello bad man" went the call, "Can you let me have the address of the circle of Hell as I have never been there before". I was a little indignant at getting this request as a) I know where the Office is but don't actually know the address, I just leave Southwark Tube Station and walk there and b) I'm not the meeting arranger, just some poor sucker that has been dragged from their pit way too early to tramp up to London. Cursing under my breath I Googled the address and sent it as a text message. Later in the day it transpired that the Requestor actually had a fucking smart phone and could have done all of this herself ...

... Lazy fucking cow!*

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*If this was my first contact with this individual I might have been somewhat more forgiving but over the past few weeks I have found her to be one of the most lack lustre individuals I have ever encountered.

Getting Back to Normal

As I have now got  my arse in to gear and reopened the Journal I suppose I had better recount Sunday's activities ...

... The morning started like most Sundays with 30% dropping TP off at the Rugby Club whilst I walked T&M around the Three Miler. The walk takes about an hour which gave me sufficient time to grab a quick cup of coffee and a change of clothes before we returned to the club for the eleven o'clock kick off. After last week's fantastic game we were hoping for great things but unfortunately this was not to be.

After the match Sunday panned out pretty much as expected. It was busier than I had hoped but a lot better than the previous weekend which I had spent chained to the laptop. After lunch we popped over to see Bad Man Senior and Step Mum Sue. This was one of those multipurpose visits that included the giving of Birthday presents to TP, the drinking of tea and exchange of gossip and the need to provide some muscle as BMS had decided that one of his garden ornaments needed to be moved for aesthetic purposes. Unfortunately the ornament was not a lightweight Gnome but a many hundred pound staddle stone.* TP and I managed to heft the monster to it’s new home and it now sits in clear view of the house.

Once back home TP and I scurried off to the garage as he needed some assistance with his Resistant Materials Project. He plans to make an electric Ukulele and the body will be made from a piece of salvaged teak. This was way over size so we spent a good while running it through the Planer Thicknesser to get to the right thickness.

Having completed that I then spent less time that I really should have filling in a template describing my achievements over the past twelve months. This is the nightmare that is Dante’s staff appraisal process and I did a quick and dirty job working on the assumption that if they have promoted me they must think that my performance over the past year must have been reasonably up to scratch.

I was then finally able to wander in to the Dining Room and potter. I spent a happy couple of hours finishing off the skirting boards and fixing the upper frame of the cupboard in to place. Next on the list is to finish off the trim around the hearth stone and complete the heatproof concrete infill behind the fire back.

It was lovely to have my life back after a hectic few weeks. I know that the next two or three will also be busy but nothing like the past fortnight.

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* a large, two piece stone “mushroom”. Many years ago sever of these would have been used as a base for hay ricks. They lift the rick off the ground away form the damp and the mushroom shape of the staddle stone prevents rats and mice form gaining access to the rick.

The Missing Fortnight

I would have liked to have used the title "I aint dead yet" but, I have already done so  twenty four hours after sampling my first attempt at air dried ham. Unlike Scobi I do try for a modicum of originality in my Journal titles so I am left with the very accurate header I have scrawled at the top today

The main reason for my lack of diaristic output has been work which has been incredibly busy. On the occasions that I have managed to step away from the laptop the last thing I have wanted to do was think or type so I have either been walking the dogs or watching television. 30% summed things up quite nicely the other evening when she said "we shouldn't have to work so hard at our age".

Fundamentally, the latest project can be summed up with the old adage "you cant fit a quart in a pint pot". Basically I have been asked to complete a set task and have been given nowhere near the required amount of time to do it and to make matters worse I have been allocated insufficient Subject Matter Idiots to do the job. One can then add in a Salesman that refuses to acknowledge reality and an Account Team that add huge costs in to my solution with one hand and then beat me with the other for being way too expensive. There is a phrase that sums them all up quite nicely and that phrase is ...

... What a bunch of [insert suitable expletive here]*

By Luck I have managed to pull the various strands together and get them through Dante's arduous review process and this weekend I point blank refused to do any further work on the damned thing after spending most of the last one pulling together death by PowerPoint for the final review that took place on Friday 9th November.

I have therefore managed to get back to some degree of normality which was lucky as yesterday was TP's sixteenth birthday and we celebrated with some fine dining at the Bridge in Bidford-on-Avon.

To be honest, apart from work, very little else has been completed. I managed to extract the most recent leg of pork from the salt and that is now hanging in the garage and on the DIY  front my brand new Morticer has sat on the work bench waiting to be set up since arriving ten days ago. I did manage to get the Fire Surround screwed to the wall yesterday and the final two lengths of skirting were also fixed in place. I also watched TP play rugby last Sunday where his team put in a cracking performance and came away with a one point victory after playing a fantastic match. TP had a great game playing at inside centre and managed to put one over the line in a game that went to the wire with a penalty in the last few minutes giving his team the win.

There is another match today and I am afraid I will have to sit at the laptop again his afternoon to type up my performance appraisal notes as they are officially overdue!

Bugger!

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* I'd go with "cunts" every time.

The Missing Week *

It is half past seven in the morning. The house is quiet and I have a few minutes sat in front of the laptop when I know with absolute certainty that a) no-one or thing should take priority over writing this Journal entry and b) I don't have to sit here if I don't want to.

It is fair to say that the past week has been hectic on the work front and I am using the prehistoric excuse that after a day at work the last thing I wanted to do was spend further time pecking at a keyboard to fill the Journal with tedium.

Let's try to get work out of the way first. The current project has ludicrously tight timescales and there is the usual problem of getting Dante's to provide the right sort of Imps and Daemons to work on it. To make matters worse, my project is not likely to come to fruition until next year and the current "focus" is on projects that will sign before the end of this year. Personally I'm not sure that this is the right way of doing things as every deal has a certain likelihood of getting a client signature and it would make more sense to staff a certainty for early 2013 that a dying duck at the end of 2012. I'm not saying that my project is a "cert" but we have an established relationship with the client, are already delivering the services and there is no other competitor involved. It is, as they say "ours to loose" or as it appears at the moment "ours to totally fuck up".

The main issues of the week were that the client requirements failed to appear but the delivery date for our response was not shifted. This was leading towards the nonsensical situation where we just get nine women involved and then we can produce the baby in a month**. Late in the week I finally called out to IM that there was no way I could commit to the delivery dates for this project taking in to account the lack of information and resources combined with a weak Sales Team and unnecessary Executive reviews. This finally got the Management focus that is needed and hopefully some expectations have been re-set.

I don't feel any more in control but at least I know that I am now able to go further up the food chain than IM if I need support or assistance over the next couple of weeks.

Away from work I have made limited but steady progress in the Dining Room. The cupboard in the alcove is now definitely cupboardy rather than "a  pile of timber on the floor" although I still have a frame section to build and I am studiously avoiding thinking about the doors at the moment. I managed to put on the skirting boards behind the radiators which meant that I could finally call Paul the Plumber and get the heating put back on in the room. He was a Star and called round the same day and only charged a "cuppa" for the job. Chippy Ian also called around on Thursday evening and we installed the cast iron fire back. There was much faffing around with vermiculite, heat proof silicone and fire cement but it went in reasonably easily and all I need to do now is screw the oak surround to the wall and apply a little more fire cement in the cavity behind the fire back.

This weekend I really have to do some work but I am hoping to at least get the skirting boards routed and the shelving finished in the alcove.

On the entertainment front there were a few events too. We saw Greg Davis last Friday which was a reasonable stand up gig and definitely got a 7.5 out of 10. On Saturday we popped over to a local pub to see the Worzels. If you are under 40 or from another country this is going to make absolutely no sense whatsoever so apologies in advance ... I think it fair to say that the novelty of a geriatric, accordion based "oompah" band performing West Country versions of well known tunes soon wore off and I could have quite gladly left by song#3. Unfortunate we had to stay until after eleven o'clock as "I got a brand new combine harvester" was the encore number .... Bastards! We also nipped over to Bromsgrove to see Mark Thomas' stand up show Bravo Figaro. The first half of the gig was based around his People's Manifesto tour and radia show but the was a complete change in tack after the interval. The second half was a performance about his father, his father's love of opera, his father's debilitating illness and an English National Opera performance in a bungalow in Bournemouth. It was very funny and very touching and well worth seeing.

So that just about covers the missing week. The next two are going to be quite similar. Oh Joy!

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* or, What the Fuck have I been up to
** see previous paragraph regarding resource availability !

Remind me, why do I do this job?

The past two weeks have been quite intense. Firstly there was the Promotion Board I had to face and in addition to that there has been the mounting pressure of the latest Project. As usual it has crazy timescales and Dante's was true to form with it's inability to provide named resources to do the work until the last minute.* This lack of resourcing was causing me major concerns because I literally had three days to do a job that should normally take four weeks. I was rapidly thinking that I was heading for failure or delivering a complete piece of shit at best...

... late in the morning a metaphorical glimmer of sunlight pierced the dark clouds. I was forwarded an e-mail that indicated that we have been given an extra eleven days which means I now have a week to do the bulk of my work.

Looks like the "complete piece of shit" now stands a better chance of being delivered then.

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* or, as is becoming more frequent, until two or three days after they due to start **
** and apparently I should think myself luck that I got them

The Jury returns

For the past few weeks I have been wittering on about the drafting of documentation and the development of a presentation. I intentionally avoided commenting on the purpose of these two items because if it all went horribly wrong I could simply move on and not have to be reminded of it. Fortunately my cynical foresight was way off the mark and my twenty eight pages of career history, references and delivery of the presentation were not the train wrecks that I thought.*

After a couple of days of "normalisation" activities the more Senior Daemons at Dante's Nine Circles of Hell have deemed that I am to be promoted. It appears that I am now worthy of the title Daemon - 3rd Class (Solutions).

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* there is still work to do on Presentation Technique though

Busy ? Yes, Productive? Good Question.

Today started with a Murder Scene. As I wandered across the lawn to let out the chickens I noticed a suspicious scattering of black and white feathers ... for the past few weeks one of the old hens has taken to jumping the fence of the run and spending her days in the garden. It was apparent that she had not returned to the coop last night and had become supper for the Fox. Having checked for signs of ingress to the runs or coops it was time to start work.

The working day is best described as "non-stop without a huge amount of progress". I am in the deeply frustrating stage of a project where there are preliminary activities that need to be completed but we are still waiting for a set of requirements against which we can develop our solution. To make this even more complicated the Client is, shall we say muddled, and is starting to request a variety of ill defined options in timescales that are not feasible. I have alerted the appropriate Management to this situation and it appears that their role is to ignore these alerts!

Most of the working day was spent herding the Account Team to provide us with information that only they can provide, but seem somewhat unwilling to deliver. I set up a call and knocked up a quick spread sheet that clearly summarised the lack of progress on their piecemeal half arsed approach. I thought the red, amber and green colour coding was a nice touch as I ran the call like a Dictator with a gun sat on the table in front of him. Funnily enough the "not taking no for an answer" approach seemed to work and we now have a clear set of activities to progress with.

I then had to take a break from work and take TP in for a Dental Check Up. I could have really done without this diversion so was not best impressed when the Dentist said "Why are you here. He is not due for a check up for another month".  I pointed out that I had responded to a letter from the Practice inviting me to make an appointment and I had assumed that he was either overdue or there was finally some contact from the Birmingham Dental Hospital about his root canal treatment. There had been no contact from Birmingham so she had a quick root around his mouth for the show of things and commanded the Nurse to  chase up Birmingham for his treatment plan.

Back at home it was another half an hour of calls before an evening wander with T&M around the Three Miler we walked back in through the door moments before 30% and we quickly summarised our working days before I was back at the laptop again. This was another brief session before I was required to drop TP over at the Rugby Club for practice. Back at home I finally got the meeting set up and then sat down for supper.

It would be nice to say that my day was now over but TP had to be collected at eight thirty and it was nine o'clock before I finally finished for the day.

The Jury is out

The day I have been preparing for over the past three weeks finally arrived. I had a ten thirty slot so it was a leisurely start to the day with ample time for ablutions and picking the perfect tie to go with both shirt and jacket. I most definitely had a case of butterflies so ended up in the Office early and spent the best part of an hour wandering around drinking coffee and annoying colleagues.

As half past ten drew close I wandered over to the venue and waited to be called in. Whilst waiting I finally thumbed through my slides and made mental notes which, like the butterflies in my stomach fluttered and I wondered if I would ever be able to recall these salient facts. I also wondered if I had enough material to fill the forty minute slot ...

... time for tactic #1; invite them to ask questions during the Presentation thereby getting the audience to both contribute to the material and to ensure the material gives them the information they require. My time arrived and I was ushered in to the room. I briefly wondered  if I was in the wrong place as there was a panel of eight people there, a good few more than I was expecting. After a round of introductions I stepped up to the speakers position, paused and internally panicked as my opening line fluttered from my brain ... FUCK! ... I grabbed my metaphorical butterfly net, caught the little bastard, pinned him down and off I set.

I rambled through my slides, answering questions along the way and was very surprised to be told that I was only five minutes from home with a slide and a half still to present. I upped my pace slightly, finished and took a fairly gentle selection of questions from the panel. IM then escorted me from the room advising that I had done a really good job ...

... WE SHALL SEE!

He added that he hoped to be able to provide feedback later on in the day so I hung around waiting for this. I have to be honest, I couldn't really focus on my project work after this morning's session so it was a day of just waiting.

At a little after three I was stuck on a conference call when IM sent an instant message advising that he would not have time to talk later and that he would catch me tomorrow. I then went in to a round of futile analysis on this turn of events; is that a good, thing? if it was good news wouldn't he just ping me? is pinging good news good or bad etiquette?

This is one of those days when I really would have rather heard nothing instead of "I'll tell you tomorrow". I now look forward to an evening of recalling and internally cringing over the worst elements of my presentation whilst managing to forget every part that was pure genius.

Such is the life of a hopeful pessimist.

Mostly Woodwork

Sunday’s agenda didn’t look much better than Saturday’s. I was up and about fairly early and did my best to start the day gently with a few cups of coffee. I knew that I was going to be busy for much of the day and the hours before nine were going to be the only down time I was going to get today.

First task of the day was to “encourage” TP from his pit and take him over to the Rugby Club for a practice session. I then took the dogs out for a walk with the aim of leaving the rest of the day free from “have to do” tasks.* I wandered back in to the house at half past eleven and finally settled to the main project of the weekend …

… Our Dining Room is now looking splendid with its plastered walls and freshly laid oak floor but there is still a lot to do and the first job is to build a cupboard in to the alcove in the corner of the room. I have sketched out a rough drawing that is based on a Victorian era design and spent much of today building the face frame for the lower portion of the cupboard. It might seem that more than half a day to knock up a face frame is a little excessive but it is constructed from 4” x 2” timber and is mortised and tenoned at each corner. It was therefore quite time consuming to cut and fit the four joints plus a rebated cross piece. It was a little before seven o’clock before I tightened up the last sash cramp and wiped the dribbles of PVA from the frame.

I am pleased with both the frame and the amount of progress as I need to get this fixed in place so that the skirting boards can be installed. I can then get the radiators connected back up and the heating back on in the room.

Monday is the big day when I will be delivering the presentation that I have been labouring over for the past couple of weeks. This weekend I have managed to avoid doing anything more than printing out my slides** and I’m not sure whether keeping myself busy on domestic activities was the right thing to do or not.

I’ll find out tomorrow I guess!

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* I forgot about the pig’s cheeks in the fridge and missed their daily rub in cure mixture

** I’m a strong believer in not over preparing***

*** I am also a procrastinating bullshitter.

Where did Saturday go?

My feet hardly touched the ground today ...

... I was out of bed at a reasonable 7.30, let the chickens out, grabbed a sedate cup of coffee and then the day started. First task was a trip in to the DIY store to collect the timber for the cupboard that I am building in to the alcove in the dining room. The trip was reasonably successful and after unloading supplies I was back out in the Defender to pick up a free pig's head that had been offered yesterday by Kathy H-R.

It was the usual story; a pig had been killed and butchered and the customer had no use for the head. I gratefully received the off-cut and confirmed that I would be more than happy to take the heads of the two that were due to be slaughtered over the next couple of months too. I then trundled back to The Pile and set about separating the cheeks from the jaw bones and the ears from the skull. The former are now sat in the fridge on day one of a Guanciale cure and the latter were rubbed with oil and roasted as a treat for T&M.

After clearing the body parts and mess from the kitchen I found time for a quick coffee* before I went back in to Redditch to collect TP from his Saturday morning volunteering session at the Charity Shop. The trip home included a diversion to the Feed Merchants to pick up Layers Pellets and Sawdust and then I threw together a light lunch for TP and me.

After lunch I got TP to assist with unloading the Defender and moving a selection of tools from the garage to the dining room which has become a temporary workshop for the next few weeks. I then headed out around the Three Miler with T&M. My return from the walk coincided with 30% arriving back home from a shopping trip to Birmingham so we caught up on each other's news before I headed out AGAIN to collect Bad Man Senior's Morticer and a few other workshop sundries that will make life easier over the next few weeks.

I didn't stay long at BMS's but caught up with their news but hopefully avoided catching the cold that has infected SMS. Back home I found a few minutes to get acquainted with the Morticer before I was called in for an early supper...

... we were joined by Emma as tonight we returned to Warwick Arts Centre to see Jack Dee's stand up tour. Chippy Ian and Deb also came along and a great night was had by all. After more than twenty years in the business there is not lot more that needs to be said about Jack. He was at ease on the stage a delivered an endless stream of dry, sarcastic and extremely funny anecdotes and stories. It was clever and engaging and well worth the effort to get there after what had seemed to be a non-stop day.

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* If you read this paragraph in isolation it makes me look like the most casual Serial Killer ever.

It's been a bit of a week ...

... and that pretty much sums it up; nothing major has happened but I have been head down on the new project trying to get to grips with what is being done and what needs to be done. I haven't swayed from my initial opinion that the current team are a little "light weight" and that with more experience and a few swift kicks in the arse they could be performing better than they are and making more profit. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, it's not my job to sort them out but they have a tendency to suck me in to the day to day operations and they seem to want to drag me  in to a number of activities that  are most definitely not my job. I do what I can but my overriding conclusion about the Account Team is I'm fairly certain that they just don't get "it". Let's hope that if we are successful on this one Dante's see fit to bring in some experienced personnel to captain this ship.

After an intense day at work I tend to prefer an extended period of vegetation on the sofa so two evenings out on Thursday and Friday weren't really what I had in mind. Thursday saw us out in Birmingham to see John Bishop on his current Rollercoaster tour. He performed at the National Indoor Arena which is a huge venue and it takes a particular talent to connect with an audience and personally I don't think Bishop quite made it. He has a likeable persona but the act was more of an audience with rather than a stand up gig and his material was probably best described as amusing rather than laugh out loud funny. The script was mostly a series of anecdotes based around family and friends and relied on funny situations rather than sharp writing or clever construction. Overall I'd say 6/10 and would recommend borrowing the DVD from a friend as, in a venue that size, you end up watching the screens rather than the performer anyway.

This evening saw us over at Warwick Arts Centre to see Jason Byrne's People's Puppeteer tour. After last night's average performance I wasn't really sure what to expect having only seen a couple of clips of Byrne on TV. What I saw was a great routine, perhaps helped by the mid, front row seats. As with Bishop it was an anecdote based set but Byrne's surreal lunacy and manic pace made it incredibly funny. He took great delight in the fact that he had a fifteen year old in the front row and made several references and apologies to TP during his set. TP actually ended up on stage a couple of times; one of which was to participate in a Space Hopper bouncing routine. All in all I much preferred this to Bishop's gig which seemed lazy in comparison and Byrne gets a commendable 8/10.

Tomorrow sees us at Warwick again to see Jack Dee. I really could do with a night in as I need to prepare for Monday's presentation.

15 Hour Day

"Ah" I hear you say "a fifteen hour day, that's easy, mine are all twenty four hours long"...

... yes, and so are mine but this one had the added excitement of leaving the house at twenty past five in the morning and not walking back in until twenty past eight in the evening. Add in an endless series of meetings and the mid afternoon realisation that my total food and drink intake before wolfing down supper had been limited to a slice of wholemeal toast, two apples, three cups of coffee and a glass of water.

The aim of the day was to get under the skin of the latest Client and try to understand what they required from us and the timescales for the delivery. I have to be honest and say that it was all rather muddled with a distinct lack of detail and I have already raised a number of warning flags highlighting where we are likely to run aground.

This is an existing client that wants us to make a number of changes to Global and local service. They are making it very clear that that the existing service needs to improve if they are to continue to use Dante's as a Supplier. The arrangement between us and them is most peculiar and a lack of clarity combined with weak management and unrealistic expectations may well be the route cause but it is only in recent times that this Account has gone bad, having been a star performer a year or so ago. I am wondering whether we have ignored this client and used the Account as a training ground for new personnel as the existing team seem either inexperienced or perhaps even a little dull  .. in the way that scalpels are not.

Ah well, I have my work cut out as the timescales are ridiculously short and the there are a number of deliverables that need to be, well err, delivered.

It looks like I will be hammering out the e-mails tomorrow.

As I mentioned early in this entry it was gone eight by the time I arrived back home and was delighted to have 30% proffer wine and dinner within minutes of me climbing out of my suit. It probably comes as no surprise that I then simply vegetated until bed summoned at not long after ten.

Catching Up

Friday: A floor gets laid

After much procrastination I finally chained myself to the Laptop and completed the first draft of my Presentation. The driving force behind this sudden flurry of activity was an instant message from IM offering to review my work so I thought it a good idea to have something to review. That session went reasonably well and, although I have some work to do, I am heading in the right direction.

On the home front; Chippy Ian arrived bright and early and made a start on laying the floor boards. By the end of the day just over half the room had been finished and it is going to look fantastic on completion. Ian thinks it will be done by Monday and I will then take over and fix the skirting boards and convert the corner alcove in to a cupboard. I just hope that my carpentry skills are up to it. Ian also gave me a mission to complete over the weekend as he needs about one hundred and fifty oak plugs cutting to conceal the screws that hold the oak boards to the joists. He will also need to come back at some point to finish the installation of the fireback but his work schedule and the need to acquire vermiculite and fireproof mortar means that this will be at some yet to be defined point in the future.

Saturday:

Today started with the now regular trip in to Redditch to drop TP off for his voluntary duties at the Charity Shop. 30% accompanied me and we killed several birds with the same stone by combining this trip with a visit to the Super Market and other retail establishments. Key visits were the Butchers where we collected the leg of pork for the next air dried ham and the Gallery next door where, after two weeks of waiting, the half wit manager presented us with three mounts that were the wrong size. After the two week wait we were somewhat riled when he advised that he could re-cut the mounts and have then ready by lunch time…

… needless to say we took a refund and I found myself cutting the mounts later in the afternoon.

The day continued at a leisurely pace and we were joined for supper by 30%’s brother’s Girlfriend who, from this point forward will simply be referred to as Emma because the relationship based descriptive is far too complicated for my liking. She had been made redundant this week and Stevie is in Madrid at the moment so she joined us for “tea and sympathy”. She has taken this really positively and is already polishing up her CV and linking up with contacts to find a new position.

Sunday: Air Dried Ham - day one

It was another early start with a walk around the Three Miler with T&M whist 30% dropped TP off at the Rugby Club for pre-match practice. We then drove back to the club later to watch the match …

… it is probably best if I leave it there as they had an appalling match, played indifferently at best and got their sorry arses kicked by a very strong opposition.

After lunch I dragged the leg of pork from the fridge and started the air drying process. It is now sitting in a large plastic box, packed with 25 kg of salt and underneath a weighted board. It needs to be salted and pressed for 3 to 4 days per kilogramme of pork and at 14.5 lbs it will be the end of the month before it is ready to be washed, wrapped and hung up in the garage to dry.

I spent most of the remaining afternoon out in the garage where I was supposed to be cutting oak plugs for Ian…

… I actually found a few off cuts of oak floor boards and knocked up a picture frame instead.

It was an early night too as I need to haul my sorry arse out of bed at five o’clock tomorrow morning to catch an early train up to London. It looks like my quiet spell is coming to an end.

Things are starting to happen

Chippy Ian arrived at the crack of sparrows this morning and after half an hour of catching up with each others' news he made a start on the Dining Room. I did my best not to disturb him but seemed to supply an endless stream of tea so I could avoid doing what I was supposed to be doing and check on progress instead.* By the end of the day the floating joists had been tied together by inserting a small forest of noggins and the slate hearthstone was settled on a solid bed of mortar.

On the work front I have been tasked with progressing a new project which is associated with an existing Client's Account. I spent a few hours digging around  to get an idea of what I was supposed to be doing. It was the usual mess of unclear requirements, a Sales Team that want it done as quickly and as cheaply as possible and Account and Delivery  Executives that have only recently joined the team. It came as no great surprise that there had been relationship and client satisfaction issues and a combination of new management combined with a history of crappy service performance doesn't bode well for getting to the route cause or any fundamental facts for that matter. Scariest encounter of the day was with a colleague who performs an almost identical role to mine within the confines of the Account. He advised that he was a Contractor, had been in the role for three months, had no idea of his roles and responsibilities and had no training in the tools he was required to use. This is the equivalent of trying to buy a steak from a Vegan Butcher who has never held a knife before ... it is no wonder that Dante's is having problems if this is the calibre of personnel they are willing to employ at considerable expense...

... I gave up for the day and put my glad rags on as we then went over to the Artrix in Bromsgrove to see Mark Watson's stand up show, The Information Tour. It was a great night and he delivered a rapid, verging on manic, stream of anecdotes, jokes and stories with a nervy but engaging style. I have to say that he deserves a Geography House Point for knowing the capital city of Burkina Faso.** In summary it wasn't the best stand up performance I have seen this year but it was an engaging routine and I'd definitely watch out for his next show. 7.5/10.

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* I was required at intervals to assist with shifting the fire surround, the positioning of the hearthstone and sundry fetching, carrying and lifting activities.
** Ougadougou

For the past two days ...

... I have been mostly avoiding developing a PowerPoint presentation.

I have however made it to the tip as Chippy Ian is here tomorrow to make a start on laying the Dining Room floor and I needed to dispose of the old chipboard flooring panels.

Ouch!

Monday was one of those rare days when I had nothing pressing to do. My recent documentation activities are just about complete and all I needed to do was to chase a couple of colleagues for their missing contributions.

I therefore took time out and finished off my mirror project by waxing the frame and inserting the mirror glass. It now hangs in the spare bedroom and goes rather well with the chest of drawers I refurbished a month or so back.

The day ambled on and I filled an hour with a walk and eventually it was time to collect the Defender from the workshop...

... Mark was his usual self and enthused about the general condition of the car, the fact that the Land Rover market was still quite buoyant and that following the refurbishment it was probably worth £500 to £1000 more than I paid for it four years ago. Unfortunately this did little to soften the bill for the service, MOT, brake callipers and CV joint.

 I now need to seriously disturb the wallet moths.

First Match of the Season

It was another early start today and I found myself out on the Three Miler well before nine o'clock. TP had a rugby match this morning and plan was to get the dogs walked beforehand so that 30% and I could spectate.

The first Under 16 match of the season was a reasonable start and although TP's team didn't win they put in a great performance, scored a couple of tries and held a more experienced team at bay. It will be interesting to see how they perform against some of their old rivals after a little more training and more match experience.

In the afternoon I retired to the garage and made a few adjustments to the rebate in the mirror frame I glued up yesterday. I then flipped it over, sanded and oiled it. Tomorrow's goal is to apply a coat of wax and insert the mirror glass.

And that is the sum of Sunday's activities; a quiet day at The Pile with some amateur sport and a pinch of DIY.

Project work

Saturday started with a flurry of activity and by eleven o'clock I had dropped TP off at the Charity Shop* and had taken T&M around the Three Miler. On my return it was time to get myself tidied up and 30% and I were out again. This time it was to a local Butcher to order a tunnel boned leg of pork for the next air dried ham. We took a sample of the ham we had unwrapped and sliced last weekend as it was purchased from the very same Supplier. I think it was fair to say that the Butcher was impressed by the product of our labours and took a few slices for his colleagues and Boss who is an air dried ham aficionado. I'll get the expert verdict when I pick up the leg next weekend. We then went back in to town and collected TP and a few groceries.

In the afternoon I retired to the garage and spent a couple of hours turning a few lengths of elm floor boards in to a mirror frame. I had plugged the nail holes in the boards last week and today I got medieval with a belt sander before routing a rebate to hold the mirror glass and a decorative beading on the face of the boards. It was then a case of cutting the mitres and using biscuit joints to hold the frame together. I glued it up and left it sat on the work bench to set.

If all goes well it will be sanded and oiled tomorrow.

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* He "volunteers" there. I didn't leave him there to be put on a shelf with 50p scrawled inside his jacket.

Nearly finished

It was another quiet day at the laptop as I polished prose and inserted contributions from colleagues. I fired an updated copy over to IM and he eventually got back to me advising that he had only read half of it but that it looked good.  I'm on target to finish and submit it early next week and then just have the associated Presentation to develop ...

... I'm not sure how I feel about the Presentation. I know my subject and the documentation is accurate and of good quality. I guess I am just worried about "left field" questions putting me off my stroke.*

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* Having read that I have to say that I have managed to produce a dreadful mixed metaphor resulting in the intriguing concept of Baseball with combined Rowing.

This Sounds Expensive

I had an early start this morning as I had to drop the Defender off for a Service and MOT test. I left it in the oily hands of Mark at MP Trading and went about my day. Calls were listened to, documentation was drafted and IM was true to form in that he "totally forgot" that he had agreed to review some material when I gave him a gentle nudge late in the afternoon.

Towards the end of the day I called Mark to see whether the car was ready for collection. He advised that it had passed it's MOT test with only a need for two rear shock absorbers but ...

... it really needed a new ball joint fitting at the front and inspection of the front brake calipers showed that the pistons were corroded. He advised that he could replace the pistons but the labour costs meant that new calipers were actually the more economical repair. It looks like I am going to be driving the courtesy car until Monday as the workshop is very busy and he will need to squeeze it in around a few jobs.

As it says at the top of this entry ...

As Dull as Monday's ditch water

If I thought yesterday was a non-event, today was even worse. I completed the re-write of my documentation and arranged for IM to actually review it properly and provide some feedback. That was it. That was how I spent my entire working day.

To break the massive tedium I did take a walk around the Three Miler with T&M and also had a brief spell pottering in the garage.

The only news of any import is that TP played a rugby match for the school team and managed to damage his little finger within a couple of minutes of running on to the field. The good news was that his team won 15:10, the bad news is that he may have broken his little finger which could mean that he has to defer his Grade 5 Guitar examination. Like the concerned parents we are, we decided to see how it improves over the next day or so before deciding on taking a trip to A&E.

Wordsmithing vs Taxi Driving

Tuesday was a quiet day spent re-drafting a reasonable chunk of my documentation and calling in favours from colleagues where I would like them to make a contribution. As is usual I achieved less than I would have liked but am on target to have a finished product by the beginning of next week.

Away from work I headed out on the Three Miler suitably prepared with scuba gear  and wellingtons. I was disappointed to find that all of the flood waters had subsided apart from a single, shallow fluddle.* It was easily avoided but I wandered through the middle in attempt to justify the discomfort of walking in wellingtons.

In the evening my grumbling stomach told me that the rugby season was definitely here as supper was delayed by a couple of hours to fit in with mid week practice. There also seems to be a significant increase in the demands on Dad's Taxi Service with a pick up from school** and two return trips to the rugby club.

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* fluddle: noun, a pool of standing water too large to be a puddle but too small to be called a flood. A fluddle must be large enough to cover the full width of a road to merit the term.
** one of his bloody mates managed to tear away one of the retaining straps for the tip up seats in the back of the Defender. I swear if I ever meet that child in a darkened alley ...

Splosh

After what seemed like twenty four hours of rain it was another miserable day as I sat down at my desk to start the working week. My motivation levels were still minimal but I had a review call arranged with IM this morning to see whether I had wasted my time last week. True to form IM had failed to read either the meeting invitation or the draft document embedded therein so was typically unprepared for the call. He read through my work on the hoof and advised that I was well on the way but needed to hone my work to have more impact. I am somewhat encouraged by this but the cynic in me would have preferred it if those comments had come after a thorough deliberation rather than a hasty skim through.

Early in the afternoon the rain had eased off somewhat so I grabbed my hat and coat and took T&M for a walk. At a couple of places the roads were ankle deep in water and I had to take to the overgrown verges to avoid getting wet feet...

... However, as I neared home I was confronted by one hundred yards of flooded road and a choice. I could either turn back and walk five miles rather than three or attempt to get through the flood without getting a soaking.  At this point in the route the drainage ditches had filled and were overflowing back on to the road through the gullies that are cut in to the earth verges. I was presented with a narrow strip of overgrown land that I needed to traverse. To my left was a flooded road and to my right was an overflowing ditch. Marauder had already made some investigations of the depth of the flood water and in places it was a foot or more deep.

I started to make my way along the verge and periodically had to step over gurgling gullies that were emptying on to the road. After seventy or eighty yards I was presented with a dilemma. The flood water now covered the verge and my way was now blocked unless ...

I must have a word with the infographics team.

... if I could manage a four foot jump from a standing start I would be able to clear the flooded ditch and use the fence on the other side as a horizontal ladder to clear the last few yards of flood water. I leapt with a rare degree of grace and landed with the tiniest of splashes. I was still quite dry and all I needed to do now was clamber along the fence past the deepest part of the flood. T&M obligingly followed getting very wet. My plan was working and after thirty feet I could see the road rising from the flood waters. All I needed to do now was jump back across the ditch and I would be home dry within a quarter of an hour. I turned so that I was facing the span and again jumped from a standing start. I landed right at the very edge of the flooded ditch and time slowed as my left foot lost it's grip and slid down in to the depths ...

... my leg went in right up to mid thigh and it was a very soggy walk back through the village.

Filling Time

Bright eyed and bushy tailed we all loaded ourselves in to the car for the regular Sunday morning trip to the Rugby Club. 30%, T&M and I took off for a walk around the fields and woods whilst TP trained. We got back to the pitches around eleven to be instantly pressed in to signing a permission slip ...

... it appeared that the Under 17s were short of players and TP had volunteered to move up a year group and help out. He joined the game for the second half and ended up out on the right wing where he had a reasonable game. He didn't really get to run with the ball but made a good few tackles and no mistakes. The only downside to this first game of the season was that the rain started about twenty minutes before the final whistle and we were all quite soggy by time we climbed back in to the car.

I had nothing planned for the rest of the day and found myself out in the garage where I sorted out some lengths of old elm floorboards to be recycled in to a mirror frame. Last week 30% found an old bevelled mirror glass at the Charity Shop where TP volunteers and, with a little time and effort, it will be converted from junk in to a reproduction antique. I spent an hour or so dismantling the mirror and trimming the boards to a consistent width. I also cut some elm plugs and used these to fill any nail holes that would otherwise be visible in the finished piece...

... a few worm holes add character but a nail hole just looks shite.

Junk or Raw Materials?

Air Dried Ham: Day 282

Around the middle of December last year I bought a leg of pork with the aim of producing another air dried ham. After three weeks packed in salt it was washed in white wine vinegar, lovingly wrapped in a muslin shroud and hung up in the rafters of the garage to dry. Now nearly nine months later it was time to examine the fruits of my labours ...

After nine months hanging in the garage a dark green mould could be seen through the muslin wrapping.  Mind you, in view of some of the recent projects, it could just be an accretion of sawdust.

After unwrapping it was apparent that the mould was restricted to the cut surface of the ham. The skin was spotless, incredibly hard and a deep tan in colour.

There was absolutely no odour emanating from the ham and the next stage was to give it a thorough washing in white wine vinegar before paring away the outer surface. It was then a case of lugging the bacon slicer in to the kitchen and loading the ham in to the cradle.

 The first few slices were very dry and more akin to Jerky than ham but after a few more cuts we were rewarded with millimetre thin slices of a prosciutto type delicacy. It has a robust flavour with a saltiness that screams out for an accompaniment of wine or beer. I think it fair to say that I'll be starting the cure on another in the next month or so.

Lacking Enthusiasm

In an attempt to get some feedback on the documentation that has been my focus this week I fired off a copy to a senior colleague and also set up a review meeting with IM early next week. The lack of clarity on what is required is a great demotivator and, to be honest, I did very little other than that in the final working day of the week.

At lunchtime I hitched up the trailer to the Defender and set of for the centre of Worcester to pick up the slate hearthstone. I took the trailer as I had no idea how heavy the stone would be and didn't fancy wrestling it in and out of the Land Rover if it weighed a ton. I also took the view that if it was really heavy it could just sit in the trailer until Chippy Ian was ready to fit it. I subsequently found out that it was a manageable weight and took the stone mason's advice that it would be safer in the car where it stood less chance of being bounced around...

... I will obviously require TP's assistance to unload it before rugby training on Sunday.

The rest of the day was uneventful and in the evening we decided that cooking was not for us and took a wander down the road to see what was on offer at one of the local hostelries. We walked in to receive a number of "what are you doing in here" type looks from a group of drinkers at the bar and then headed towards the restaurant area which was ominously dark and quiet. It appears that it has, yet again, changed hands and the last management team removed all kitchen equipment on their departure* ...

... As a result we drove to a local that has very little atmosphere but has two massive advantages; it is very close to home and serves decent food at a reasonable price. There is nothing there that encourages one to linger so once our appetites were sated we headed back home and were relaxing on the sofa a few minutes before nine o'clock. It might seem a little lame to be home so early but, after a fairly busy week, popping out for a quick supper and then being able to chill on the sofa seems like the best of both worlds.

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*This is not the first time that we have had this type of experience there and explains why we are such infrequent visitors. It really is a case of changing hands every couple of months.

Picture Post No. 17

Thursday was even more tedious than Wednesday and my frustration level is increasing as I fail to get any feedback on the work I am doing.  I have therefore opted for a Picture Post rather than continue to moan about work.

This little fellow was snapped at the San Diego Zoo back in 2006 and is a fair representation of what I would much prefer to be doing.

A Quickie

Not a lot to report for today; more words got typed but I have no idea whether I am producing literary genius or complete and utter bollocks. I really need to get an hour with Idiot Manager and get him to review the stuff and advise accordingly. I know that it is not exactly what he wants but I need to get a steer on whether I am heading in the right direction or so lost it would need military satellites to track me down. IM is one of the assessors of this piece of work and, for once, his opinion might actually be of some value.

Putting work to one side, I knocked off at a very civilised four o'clock as I needed to collect TP and one of his mates from school after rugby practice. I killed two birds with one stone by taking a slight diversion and dropped an old pine trunk over at Dave the Strippers. It is quite a nice old piece and is a great place to store the Christmas decorations but at some point in it's history it has either been stained or polished with a very dark wax. It is not a nice colour but a quick dip in Dave's tank should soon put that right.

Nose to the Grindstone

Today was most definitely not an exciting day and, to be honest, I don't expect much from the rest of the week either. I have been sat in front of the laptop drafting and redrafting documentation. I really need to get this job done and it will benefit me but I really don't like doing it. As a result I have to goad and bribe my self in to completing this task ... "No bad man, you can't have another cup of coffee until you've finished this section" or the traditional "Come on you lazy Fuck, you know it will be worth it in the end".

As a bit of an aside, as I was typing the preceding sentences I mistyped laptop and instead found myself sat in front of the alp top. Now that would have been splendid. I could really enjoy a few hours of Mountain views rather than this head scratching, keyboard pecking torture.

At the end of the day I had completed less than I had hoped for but more than I had achieved on Monday so at least I am heading in the right direction. I just hope that the material is up to scratch.

Away from work; I had my annual flu jab, the dogs got walked and TP was taken to evening rugby practice. I even found time to pop over to see BMS and SMS to drop off the photographs of Tilly.

As I said in the opening paragraph; not the most exciting of days.

Catching Up

I find myself watching the sun set on Monday and note that I haven't made a Journal entry since Thursday Last.  To be honest I have been just plain lazy so here is my attempt to make amends with a round up of the last few days.

Friday 
I managed to finish the piece of work off for the Americans by lunchtime and consequently had an easy slide in to the weekend ... well I would have if we hadn't got guests over for supper this evening. It was therefore a manic couple of hours as TP and I got the house looking straight before 30% arrived home from work. Our guests were Bond, Moneypenny, Rosie, Jim and their progeny. We had a lovely Friday evening catching up on each other's news and there was copious drink and laughter. 30%'s 24 hour roast leg of pork must get a mention here as it was absolutely delicious and was served like a mini indoor Hog Roast in baps with relishes and all the trimmings. As usual it was a "late one".

Saturday
As is now the norm I was tasked with taking TP in to Redditch for his voluntary session at the local Charity Shop. I combined the trip with a few chores and returned home with a new pair of jeans and sundry items from the DIY store. To be honest we had a fairly lazy morning day and the most significant activity was collecting the photos of T&M on our way in to pick TP up at lunchtime. The photos are great and it looks like I may be out in the workshop soon to make up a set of three frames as 30% has found just the spot for these family portraits. Actually this is definitely a new entry on the "to do" list as 30% returned from collecting TP from the Charity Shop clutching a large bevelled mirror. It's frame was in very poor condition but the mirror itself was lovely so it looks like I will be out in the workshop making four frames.

After lunch I took T&M for a wander around the Three Miler whilst 30% dropped TP off at a music festival being hosted by one of the nearby villages. He disappeared with two cans of Carling Black Label and strict instructions to a) not get drunk and b) make sure he got his arse on the eleven o'clock bus that night ...

... unbelievably he managed both!

Sunday
Sunday morning was consumed by Rugby Practice so 30% and I filled the time  by wandering over the fields of the local estate with T&M.

In the latter part of the day we were at home to visitors and received 30%'s brother and GF for afternoon tea and Jules arrived to join us for Sunday Dinner.

Monday
It looks like I may have a quiet week which is good as I have a few things that I really need to complete but first I had to be the dutiful father and take TP in to Birmingham Dental Hospital. His Dentist is concerned that some play fighting several years ago damaged a front tooth and that root canal work is required to ensure he keeps his smile intact. Specialist Consultation was required before the treatment plan commenced ...

... putting this in to plain English translates to us spending 3 hours enduring Birmingham's rush hour and paying £6.50 in car parking fees for an appointment that took forty minutes including the spell in the waiting room. The good news is that they are confident that the work is within the scope of his normal dentist and that the treatment will be carried out much closer to home.

The remainder of the day was spent in front of the laptop and ended abruptly with  significant swearing when a "session time out" lost the best part of an hour's work.

... and another

Today went reasonably well from a work perspective. I have given the American Team two out of the three cost deliverables they require and the outstanding one should be available within the next twenty four hours. All being well they will have a lovely weekend putting all those numbers in to a model while I have to endure the social whirlwind that 30% will have arranged for me.

Putting work to one side I can report that the timber arrived for the dining room skirting boards and joist reinforcements but the promised call back from the Stonemason about the hearthstone didn't happen...

... one more duck and I will have a row of them.

One step closer

Today I was head down for most of the day on a  new piece of work. We need to get some estimates pulled together very quickly to placate an upset client and attempt to oust a competitor. Fortunately much of the work will be done by my US colleagues and all I need to do is assist with some costing guidance. To use a culinary analogy; I'm out doing some of the shopping and they are stuck in the kitchen attempting to deliver haute cuisine.

When I wasn't on the 'phone or begging favours from colleagues I seemed to be making several cups of coffee for Paul the Plumber.  He was in to replace the radiators and pipework in the Dining Room before the floor is put down. The timber for the skirting boards and joist reinforcement arrives tomorrow, so all I need to do is get a date for the collection of the hearthstone and I can start nudging Chippy Ian to come and put it all together.

How the other half live

I found myself crawling out of bed at five o'clock this morning in order to be in London for a nine o'clock start. For reasons that are still not not fully understood I had been invited to the launch of a new Business Unit at Dante's Nine Circles of Hell. So I turned up at the appointed hour suited and booted, I registered at reception and affixed my name badge. After the obligatory bad coffee and mini pastries I wandered in to the Presentation Room found a seat and for once paid attention ...

... The Event was launched by one of the most Senior Daemons at Dante's and after a couple of minutes it was apparent that this was an auspicious occasion where three separate groups had been joined to form a new Business Unit. One of the aforementioned groups has a bit of a reputation in Dante's for a high degree of extravagance and it was apparent on this occasion where the Agenda included a free lunch and an end of day free drinks and networking session. There was also a massive amount of branded goods left lying around for attendees to stuff in to their laptop cases.

Working in a far, far more financially constrained Circle of Hell* I must admit that the Cynic in me thought that it would be a long, long time before this lot were dishing out free sandwiches and drinks again now they had Revenue and Profit targets. I did my best to educate them in the need to rein in their profligacies ...

... today's haul included two USB Memory Sticks, a pen, a leather business card wallet, a pocket sized USB mouse, an A5 hardback notebook and  a leatherette A5 Journal and pen.**

The laptop bag was so heavy I considered employing a Sherpa to haul it back to the Tube Station for me!

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* a Severance programme every year for the past three years
** All goods featured subtle corporate branding

Back to it.

Monday; the first day of the working week, the key word there is “working”. After a fortnight off work I am back at my desk clearing e-mails and trying to work out what I will be doing over the next few weeks.

I had the fortunate situation of finishing my last piece of work on my last day before my holiday started and therefore there was not likely to be anything to do on that Project unless something had gone seriously awry. I appreciate that my Indian colleagues had made some ridiculous requests as I was about to finish but these would have either been completed by my buddy or have been thrown back at them as unachievable. Either way I wasn’t going to have to hit the ground running today.

After a trawl though my mail and a couple of instant messages it was apparent that I need to be in London tomorrow for a Security Services Sales Briefing.* After initiating the appropriate travel authorisations I carried on with the mission of completing all of those certification and review activities that had accumulated over the past two weeks.

On the Project front I noticed a flurry of communications about some impending work with a Client I have met with a few times over the past few months in deepest, darkest Dudley. It looked as though I was to be providing a supporting role on that deal but a call with Idiot Manager soon put me right … this was not the gig for me. This was a little bitter sweet as, although I was not really looking forward to carrying a supporting role, I have had a quiet year*** so far and a win would have been nice whatever role I was fulfilling.

The conversation with IM continued with him giving the briefest mention to my next project before taking an interesting turn…

… perhaps more on this in the next few weeks.

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* I cannot tell you how excited I am about that **

** If anyone from America reads this it might be worth looking up the definition of the word sarcasm about now

*** A Global Deal lost and a handful of early bid stage successes but no final signatures

A Quiet Day

After a week at home Sunday was our last day of leisure before it is a case of "back on yer 'eads lads". In the morning we took TP to rugby practice and enjoyed a lengthy walk with T&M over the fields and through the woods on the nearby Estate.  The dogs got filthy and, as Tyson insists on attempting to climb in to the front of the Defender, I put aside some time in the afternoon to refit the dog guard.

The only other things worth mentioning was that the new pullets were let out in to their run today and unusually seemed to have enough intelligence to find their way back in to the coop at nightfall. * I also cleared the underfloor area around the radiator pipes in the Dining Room as Paul the Plumber is due to visit at some point this week to get them replaced.

I may have fitted in a snooze too.

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*In the past scrambles in a dark run with a torch have been necessary to ensure less astute chickens were safe from the fox.

and this one wasn't any better

It was a reasonably early start today as TP needed to be dropped off in Redditch where he will be completing the Volunteering element of his Duke of Edinburgh Bronze Award. For the next few months he will be assisting at a local Charity Shop and I was tasked with taxiing him in this morning. I made the best of this trip and managed to pick up a few groceries, order timber from the Builders Merchants, collect Chicken Run repair necessities from the DIY store and buy a couple of chicken drinkers from a feed store too. With that level of productivity I was panicking at the thought of what would be expected of me for the rest of the day.

Back at The Pile I changed down a couple of gears and drank coffee before wandering out the the garden to repair the obstinate gate on one of the chicken runs. After  the installation of a new hinge and latch and a couple of runs with an electric planer it was restored to full functionality ...

... the reason behind this flurry of poultry related activity is the new batch of pullets. They are currently shut in a coop to get used to their new home but, when let out, their run needs to be separated from the old lags to avoid any bullying until they are big enough to look after themselves.

A little before midday 30% popped out to collect TP and I continued with my efforts until the 'phone rang. It was the Vet and it wasn't good news, unfortunately Tog had stopped breathing during the operation and failed to respond to resuscitation attempts. I was left to break the bad news upon her return.

The rest of the day understandably progressed under a leaden sky ...

... the chicken run was netted to prevent youthful escapees and a grave was dug for young Tog.

Not the best of days ...

It wasn't the best start to the day when we discovered that Tog had been hit by a car. He clearly had a broken tail and was in a lot of pain but was still able to walk so it was straight in to the Vets for a consultation. After a couple of x-rays he was put on a drip and is under observation with a possibility of surgery tomorrow morning. The reason for the observation period is that a broken tail can sever the nerves that control bladder function and we could end up with either an incontinent cat or one that cannot urinate, either way euthanasia would be the only option. It is a case of fingers crossed that there no nerve damage and that he will go under the knife tomorrow to remove his tail and reattach the ruptured diaphragm.

Later in the morning Bad Man Senior and I went in to the wilds of Shropshire in search of chickens. It was a return to The Gobbets Rare Breed Centre where we purchased our first birds seven years ago. This time we picked out three Red Black Araucanas, two Barnevelders, a couple of Light Sussex and a pair of Brown Leghorns. to go with the three Marans that we acquired earlier in the week.

It was then home for lunch and an afternoon walk with T&M. For much of the Summer we have been avoiding the fields as it has been so wet but in the past couple of days we have finally been able to walk over the fields without getting a soaking. The dogs seem to enjoy the change and can charge around without the need for automotive vigilance.

30% popped up to the Vets, while I was walking, to take Tog some grapes and reported back that he was much brighter but, as yet, he had not peed. This suggest that he isn't incontinent but we still need to know whether he can actually urinate.

We finished the day with a drive up to the Why Not for an early supper, As the title says; it wasn't the best of days but sometimes you just have to do what you need to do.

They're only flat at the bottom!

Today's main objective was to pick up the oak from the flooring supplier in Stratford so I hitched the trailer up to the Defender and set out a little after ten o'clock. As pack after pack of boards was removed from the store I wondered about the capabilities of the trailer and have to admit that the tyres did look a little under inflated as I drove home at a sedate thirty five miles an hour...

... I realised why the trailer looked to be overloaded when it came to me single handedly unloading and it dawned on me that I had been carrying over a quarter of a tonne of wood! The seventeen square metres are now sitting in the Dining Room where they will acclimatise for a couple of weeks before Chippy Ian comes to fit them. All that is needed now is the carcassing timber to stabilise the floor joists and a few lengths of 150 mm x 25 mm PAR softwood which will be routed to match the skirting boards in the rest of the house. I plan to get that ordered from the Builders Merchant on Saturday when I take TP in to Redditch.

The rest of the day was pretty leisurely with nothing more strenuous than a walk with the dogs and I finally got around to culling the old hens...

... The local foxes will be having a feast tonight.

New Arrivals

I walked T&M straight after breakfast this morning as 30%'s idea to replace the chickens has now gone hypersonic ...

... I found her with iPad, 'phone and Poultry Breed manual canvassing the major local breeders to see exactly what young birds they had in stock. This morning we drove over to the other side of Redditch to meet Morris and to see his prize winning Cuckoo Marans. He was an incredibly well preserved eighty one year old and, after coffee and a chat, gave us free rein to make our selection from a group of twenty young birds. He had obviously selected his 2013 show birds already but these "rejects"were no scruffs and will be more than adequate as brown egg layers at The Pile. We selected three pullets at around sixteen weeks* of age and left with the sincere promise to return for a couple more if we were left with any more space in the coop.

It was then a case of back home to give the spare coop a sweep out and get them settled in their new home and start making some harsh decisions about the geriatrics they will replace. Later in the day 30% contacted the Poultry Breeder over in Cleobury Mortimer where we bought our first birds seven years ago. They have plenty of young stock available so we'll be away to the wilds of Shropshire at the back end of the week.

In the afternoon we met up with Bad Man Senior and Step Mum Sue over at a local Photographer's studio for the final element to their birthday present; Tilly was to be "snapped" and a portrait selected. T&M got in on the act too and were absolute stars, posing on the infinity wall with infinite patience. ** There were some wonderful shots taken and we will pop down in a few days to pick up the eight by tens. The nice thing about the session is that there are no fees*** but a £5 donation is requested for The Dogs Trust. There is also a chance that your pet can be featured on a Dogs Trust Poster or calendar.

After the modelling session it was back to The Pile for Dinner and to catch up with TP after his first day back at school. He was grinning when we returned as he has managed a crop of As and Bs in the first of the GCSE papers that he sat last year. I hope he performs as well with the remaining papers at the end of this school year.

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* They should come in to lay at around 22 - 26 weeks but are put off by the shortening day length so there is a slim chance that they will lay this side of Christmas.
** Firm commands and a pocket full of liquorice work wonders!
*** apart from any prints selected, obviously

Almost a case of "cart before the horse"

30% was out early this morning for an extended gossiping session with the hair dresser.* While she was being attacked with Ladies Power Tools I wandered around the Three Miler with T&M and settled down with a book for a while.

After lunch 30% and I nipped in to Stratford with the aim of ordering the oak for the Dining Room floor. We failed miserably here as the Supplier was out on a job so it looks like I will be nipping in at some point later on this week. We did, however, nearly buy a dining table at a nearby antique shop ...

... it was a beautiful 1930's, Victorian style, solid Mahogany, extending table and we were just shy of striking a deal when we removed all of the decor *** to view it au natural. At this point we notice a single dent in the otherwise perfect surface that had been concealed by the central cloth runner.  Our ardour diminished and we headed on in to town to pick up a few supplies and complete a couple of errands.

It was an early supper this evening as TP and I met up with Chippy Ian, Mick and Shaky Steve for a ride out. We headed out of Evesham on the A46 towards Cheltenham. We then cut off the main road and travelled through Beckford and Bredon before coming in to Tewkesbury. From there it was a glorious run along the A438 towards Ledbury. I had a bit of a flashback in the vicinity of Hollybush as I realised that the last time I had ridden this road was more than twenty years ago and had crashed a Honda VF 500 FII after a tank slapper as I headed towards my Sister's for a weekend away from London.

Just out side Ledbury we turned on the the A449 and headed back towards Worcester. As we neared the car park for British Camp **** we took the B4232 that afforded us fantastic views across Herefordshire in the late evening sun. This back road took us through West Malvern where we picked up the B4219 and then the A4103 through Leigh Sinton and on in to Worcester. After a coffee break and a natter we crossed back over the Severn and headed back towards Evesham. TP and I peeled off at Spetchley Cross and were back at The Pile a little after nine thirty.

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* Note to self: Remember to comment on how lovely her hair looks upon her return **
** Second note to self: Remember to actually look at the hair before commenting favourably this time!
*** It was set for six with glasses and serving dishes etc
**** aka Herefordshire Beacon, Malvern Hills

Time for an Inquiry?

This morning started with me hanging around for the dishwasher repair main while 30% headed out for supplies. The man with the screw driver eventually turned up a little before twelve and very soon had the task in hand ...

... it appears that at some point in the recent past one of the various plastic racks had become unclipped and when re-attached it had been misaligned which, in turn, meant that the door wasn't quite closing. The net result of this was a small puddle on the floor and the fee for this fix was a call out charge just shy of ninety quid! I appointed myself as Grand Inquisitor and set about interviewing interrogating the suspects. TP's "I was in Qatar" alibi seemed pretty watertight but 30% was uncharacteristically reticent on the subject and willing to absorb the cost of repair. The Court is now in recess while the verdict is being considered but I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.

After being relieved of ninety pounds I headed out around the Three Miler with T&M returning for a late lunch.

The afternoon saw 30% and I head over to Worcester to visit the Stonemason and order the slate hearthstone for the Dining Room. That completed we headed home but stopped off at a local Smallholder's store to see what Poultry they had available ... our birds a long past their best and lay very few eggs and it is time for a new batch. Unusually it is 30% that is taking the lead in this restocking and I am wondering whether she is hoping that attrition rather than a cull will deal with the current flock. The store only had modern hybrids available and that wasn't really what we were after so our Pensioners get to scratch around for a another day at least.

Back at home I finally finished the restoration of the Satinwood chest of drawers and these are now installed in the spare bedroom.

Junk Shop find

Paul the Plumber also turned up to size up the pipework that needs to be replaced in the Dining Room. Our main concern is that there are no joints under the floor as a leak would be a nightmare to fix. He took us through the various options and then left to work out what was the best option for us. He plans to pop over at some point next week to carry out the work.

As we settled down for the evening 30% piped up that she had arranged for us to visit a local Poultry Breeder who has some Cuckoo Maran* pullets available ...

... She is really keen isn't she.

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*A traditional, dual purpose, French breed that lays incredibly dark brown eggs.

Back to it

It's that time of year again ... the rugby season has started and I found myself "encouraging" TP out of bed, washing up* and running him over to the club for a practice session. It was then back home for a late breakfast with 30% and out in to the garden for a session with The Porn Mower ... Christ it must have been wet here last week. The grass wasn't particularly long but the ground was sodden. I found out from conversations later in the day that it had been much wetter here than the traditionally soggy Gower and that flood warnings and constant rain had been the meteorological theme in these parts.

After hacking the lawn in to submission it was time to pick up TP and lunch before I hit the Three Miler with T&M. I had barely started when I bumped in to Paul the Plumber, his partner and their two Labradors. This was a fortunate meeting and within a few minutes had him lined up to come and see about replacing the copper radiator piping with plastic in the Dining Room. ** That was job number one crossed off the to do list.

With the walk completed I had time for a quick gluteal inspection of the sofa before it was time to hit the shower as we were out for Sunday Dinner with Trish and family. It may have been an early dinner but that just gave us much more time to chat, review photos from Qatar and catch up with all the news. It was a lovely evening but bed was a welcome sight after what had developed in to a fairly busy day.

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* The bloody dishwasher has developed a leak
** On the subject of leaks, I don't fancy having one under an oak floor so the elderly, soldered copper is definitely being replaced with unjointed plastic

Home again

Saturday dawned sunny and bright and I took T&M for their last early morning walk along the tide line before we breakfasted, packed up the car and headed back towards Worcestershire. We have had a lovely week and have done very little other than eat, wander along the beach and read, sometimes that is exactly what you need and this was definitely one of those occasions ... a week of doing nothing.

30% and I really enjoy the sense of "convenient seclusion" at Pwll Du that is brought about by it's Pedestrian / 4WD only access. This means that despite the fact that it is only five miles or so from Mumbles it never has more than a score of visitors and often one has the beach entirely to oneself. I think there is a very strong chance that we shall visit again next February whilst TP is away skiing.

There were no particular high points to the week that need to be recorded here but it is definitely worth remembering that the rock pools around the edges of the bay are home to shrimps and these can be cooked in two minutes flat in a pan of boiling seawater. We only ate a few but they are very tasty fresh from the sea. This was definitely an appetiser that I would like to turn in to a main course if we visit again.

As we left I did my good deed for the day and provided Bob, our host, with a jump start. He had left this ignition of his Discovery on all night and needed to get to the top of the cliff to collect the scaffolding and Scaffolders for his next building project. He was going nowhere with a flat battery but I soon had him up and running.

So, after three hours we find ourselves at home with a large pile of laundry and three very attentive cats.  

Time to fuss them and slouch on the sofa, I think.