Meat Fest

I probably need to start with a warning that this is probably not one for the Vegetarians ...

Two weeks ago I started to cure a loin of pork.  I do this every couple of months, having become disillusioned with commercial bacon.

The loin sat in the cure mixture for six days before being dried, wrapped and hung from a meat hook for a further six days. Early this morning it was taken down, unwrapped and a butcher's hook was inserted in to one end.

The loin was then hung in my smoking box and a cunning little device* manufactured by BBQ Dave was filled with applewood sawdust, tamped down and lit with a blowtorch. I made certain that I had a good ember smouldering in the smoke generator and then placed it at the bottom of the box. The smoke box door was put in place and that was it for the next nine hours.

I think this is version 4 of Dave's smoke generator

The smoke generator will need to be refilled with sawdust this evening and the loin will continue to smoke overnight.  Now 3kg of smoked pork loin might seem like more than enough protein for one day, but I had other plans ...

After walking the dogs I headed in to kitchen and took two whole chickens from the refrigerator. I'd promised 30% and TP that I'd do Beer Can Chicken on the barbecue and it is fair to say that they were delighted. For those of you that have never sampled this delight I can say only this "stop fucking around with sausages and burgers on your Barbie and cook something worth eating".

It is simplicity itself to prepare and cook and it tastes incredible. You can also leave it pretty much to itself while it is cooking, so there is no need to hover over it getting smoke in your eyes and missing out on the gin, nibbles and chat.**

At this point I should state that you need a kettle barbecue as this is cooked "lid on". The recipe is as follows:-

1 whole chicken (1.5 kg or thereabouts)
1 tsp chilli flakes
1 tsp of Thyme
1 tsp of Rosemary
1/2 tsp Brown Sugar
Salt and Black Pepper
A good glug of oil
2 tsp of Paprika
1 oz of butter
1 can of beer

1. Mix the chilli flakes, Thyme, Rosemary, sugar, salt and pepper together in a small bowl.
2. Place the chicken on a large baking sheet and drizzle oil over it. Gently rub the oil on to the bird to ensure that it is completely oiled up.
3. Now rub the mixture of chilli flakes herbs and seasonings on to the skin of the chicken.
4. Take the can of beer and wash the outside thoroughly. You'll see why in a minute ...
5, Open the beer and pour half of it in to a glass .... you can drink this.
6. Place the half filled beer can on a baking sheet and position the chicken so that the can sits inside the body cavity and supports the chicken as shown in the photo below.
7. Now melt the butter in another small bowl and stir in the paprika
8. Then brush the butter and paprika glaze over the outside of the chicken making sure that you cover all of the skin.

9. Set up your barbecue for indirect heat.  Basically this means that the charcoal is lit and then split in to two piles, one on either side of the grill. Some barbecues have charcoal baskets that make this straightforward. The key point is that there is a central area with no burning coals. ***
10. Place the grill bars over the coals and put the lid on. Leave the barbecue to heat up to about 180 degrees centigrade and then add the chicken on the centre of the grill.
11. Cook for about 80 minutes. You can use a meat thermometer to check whether it is cooked. It should be at least 75 degrees centigrade in the middle of the breast meat.

12. Remove the chicken from the grill and let it stand for ten minutes before shredding the meat from the bones.

The chicken is absolutely gorgeous as the steam from the beer keeps the meat beautifully moist and the herby rub, paprika glaze and barbecue smoke gives the most fantastic flavour.

You may be wondering why I cooked two chickens when there are only three of us here at The Pile ...

Once you've tasted this you will understand that one is never going to be enough and we will make several meals from them. It's great as a main meal, in sandwiches and a multitude of other dishes. The carcasses make a fantastic smoky chicken stock for soups and as for potatoes roasted in the oil that collects in the trays!

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*  Sections of perforated steel have been riveted together to create a zig-zag channel about 1" in section. It is filled with sawdust that is tamped down and then lit at one end. Over the course of about nine hours the smouldering ember burns along the channel creating a continuous stream of smoke.  Simple and incredibly effective.
** This obviously refers to social events that were allowed prior to Social Distancing.
*** Add pre-soaked chunks of apple, hickory or any other wood that is suitable for smoking for a fantastic smoky flavour.

Busier than expected

I had hoped that today would be a gentle coast through to the long Easter weekend and it started out looking like I simply had to kick my heels for a few hours and then knock off early and enjoy the glorious Spring sunshine.

However, a couple of minutes before half past two I was "pinged" to ask if I was joining a call. I responded that I had not received any invitation, but was free if I was needed.

It appeared that I was needed and spent the next forty five minutes trying to make sense of a rambling discussion which could actually be condensed to a couple of sentences.

This engagement stems from the recent request to pick up work from the departing Contractor.  He had waffled about this on our initial hand-over call and made very little sense. It now appears that the Architect of this solution is an equally skilled communicator and spent much of the first half hour describing existing network components rather than outlining the key support requirements that needed to be implemented.

I'm not saying that this is a piece of cake, but it looks to be a fairly simple job involving making sure that a Supplier can talk to our Support teams and that the Support Teams understand which components are supported by which Supplier. None of this appears to be a particularly novel feature, so I'm bemused by the amount of waffle and irrelevant information I was fed this afternoon ... Maybe I've oversimplified and I am in for a horrendous learning experience.

The day still wasn't over and I needed to chase a couple of individuals and send out some pricing before I was able to close down the laptop and enjoy the late afternoon sunshine.*

TP and I headed out around the Three Miler with the dogs and I then put a new spark plug in the lawn mower and gave the lawn a much needed trim.**

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* The surprising thing about today was that I learnt that the "mega-urgent" activity, that I had been waiting on for the past week, was still not clearly defined and it would be next week at the earliest before I was needed.
** Mowing the lawn is definitely my preferred transitional activity to adjust from the working mindset to "home mode".  Many people have their daily commute to mentally file away the work crap and, instead, think about their home, family, personal interests etc.  As someone who works from home, I don't have that transitional activity and have long understood that I need something to switch from one mindset to another. 

Parcels galore

With the majority of retail establishments closed at the moment, the on-line retailers and distribution companies are seeing a significant upturn in their businesses.

We're all doing our best to keep the economy going and, today, we had a plethora of parcels delivered, including an illustrated German vocabulary text for TP*, a set of replacement toothbrush heads, a new queen excluder and a service kit for the lawn mower.

I am now set up for the Easter weekend and will be sporting a dazzling smile whilst trimming the lawn and inspecting my hives.

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* His girlfriend's mum is from Austria and the whole family is bilingual. TP is making good use of his enforced incarceration by learning German

Job for Life?

Work is starting to pick up.  I would hardly say that I am close to capacity, but at least I have a few things to keep me busy. 

At the back end of last week I was summoned. along with another colleague, to a call with our Boss.

It appears that the Coronavirus pandemic is starting to impact the piano moving industry. Apparently our customers actually have an increased demand for our services, but their revenue streams are being driven downward by Social Distancing.  There have even been requests for payment holidays.  As a result the Corporation is looking to "restructure" its workforce and a number of Contractors are to be released.

We were asked instructed to become familiar with the workload of another Colleague who will be leaving us in about three months time.

Today the discussions started and it is certainly going to be an interesting experience.  This colleague is notorious for his muddled and waffly narratives that wander so far off topic that his entire audience either looses the will to live or actually does die.*

He is actually quite a nice chap, but his unstructured narratives are indicative of his working style and there are concerns that we are about to open a can of worms.

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* 30% worked with him many years ago and summed him up thus; "He gives old women a bad name"

Bugger!

I've noticed that one impact of Social Distancing, or The Lockdown as it is referred to in the media, is that it has a tendency to induce a reluctance to get on with domestic tasks that are still actually achievable.

I mentioned this to a frolleague and he confessed that he, too, was experiencing the same sense of inertia.

With this in mind, I'm doing my best to keep myself occupied and so, since I have recently returned to The Journal, I decided it was time for another book.

When I was blogging regularly I used to produce a hardback copy of The Journal every year or so and four volumes sit on the bookshelf in my study. Volume 4 ran from 21st April '13 through to 20th October '14, so I estimate that there are about 290 unpublished posts. This is certainly enough to fill the next volume.

I used an on-line self-publishing company called Blurb previously, so I logged on to my account and started to reacquaint myself with the tools. I recall that the actual desktop application was a bit glitchy as the file sizes increased, but this was offset by the functionality that allowed one to literally "slurp" the contents of a blog direct from Blogger straight in to application. It was then simply a case of formatting and editing, as required.

It came as a very unpleasant surprise to learn that this functionality was no longer available and I will be copying and pasting each and every post from the website to the tool on my desktop ...

That should keep me busy for a while.

TW3

Saturday
I started Saturday enthusiastically with my planned activity; Sour Dough Bread ...

Unfortunately this was nowhere near as successful as I had hoped. The end product was edible, but I don't think I knocked back the dough sufficiently and ended up with loaves that had large voids, rather than a more light and consistent texture.

It went well with 30%'s Fish and Chorizo stew in the evening, but it was certainly nothing to crow about. I plan to make another attempt next weekend, but, if I am going to put the effort in to making bread by hand, I think I'd rather go with a recipe that uses yeast.  They're more reliable and without the faffing around maintaining starter cultures.

Another activity that didn't go to plan was my attempt to mow the lawn. The mower started, ran for a few seconds, died a death and then refused to start. I performed a few basic checks and determined that the spark plug had died. The air filter looked well overdue for cleaning too ...

A service kit was ordered, but it looks like the lawn will go untouched until next weekend at the earliest.

The day wasn't a complete failure. TP and I managed a pleasant walk around the Three Miler and I did some preparatory work for the beekeeping I have planned for tomorrow. Supers and Queen Excluders* were removed from the shed and a hive was prepared** for relocation to Kathy H-R's garden early on Sunday.

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* Modern hives are modular allowing a beekeeper to add or remove sections depending on the Colony's needs for space and nectar storage. Supers are sections that are added to the top of the hive where the bees will store nectar and convert it to honey. A Queen Excluder is a wire grid that prevents the Queen from moving up in to the Super and laying there.
** The hive entrance is closed of and the floor and crown board are strapped tightly to the hive body to prevent any escapes. A car full of annoyed bees is never going to be fun!

Sunday
At eight o'clock in the morning TP and I loaded the hive in to the back of the Land Rover and headed over to Kathy's house.  The hive was set up in a matter of minutes and we were soon removing the foam entrance block and heading back home for breakfast.

I'd planned to complete my first proper inspection of my hives today, but I needed to wait for the weather to warm up before that happened. I therefore occupied myself by attending to the pork loin that I am curing.

The loin was removed from its bag and the cure mixture was washed away with cold water. It was then dried off, wrapped in muslin and hung from a hook in the kitchen. It will hang there until the end of this week before it is smoked.

After lunch I grabbed my smoker and hive tool and headed out to look at the hives. TP accompanied me and we spent a pleasant hour assessing the state of each of the colonies.  Three of the four in the garden were doing incredibly well with large brood nests and fresh stores of nectar and pollen. Each of these had a Queen Excluder put over the Brood Box and then a Super was added to give the colony more space. 

The fourth hive was not so prolific. There are no concerns, it is just smaller than the other Colonies and it will be a two or three weeks before it needs Supering up.

I then returned to Kathy's garden and inspected the hive that had overwintered there.* The Colony was a reasonable size, so an Excluder and Super were added.

The remainder of the day was spent with a minor reorganisation of the garage before 30% and I joined a virtual Cocktail Party for a couple of hours with some old friends from our College Days. We had met up recently at a rather significant event and, since then, have made efforts to stay in touch more frequently than we have previously.

We had an absolute hoot, courtesy of Zoom Conferencing Services and were all quite "relaxed" before we disbanded and headed off for our respective Sunday Dinners.  Another event is planned for next weekend, with the agreement that we will all "dress up".

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* The hive I moved this morning will be given a few days to settle down before I disturb it with an inspection.

It's Alive!

And on the 6th day Badman said "let there be life" and there was life ...

Sour Dough Starter

Close up showing bubbles of carbon dioxide

I'll acknowledge that it is a very simple form of life*, but my sour dough starter is most definitely ready for use. The recipe has produced about a pint of starter plus the half pint that I froze on day #4.

Unfortunately I actually had some work to get on with today, so this was put in the fridge until tomorrow when I will make my first attempt at a sour dough loaf.

I also made up another batch of tomato soup in a free hour I found in the early afternoon. We're really pleased with the results, so I've jotted down the recipe for future reference.

1 lb, 8 oz ripe plum tomatoes, quartered
10 fluid oz chicken stock
1 medium potato, finely diced
1 medium onion, finely chopped
2 tbsp olive oil
1-2 tsp dried basil
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
salt and black pepper

1. Heat the oil in a heavy bottomed pan
2.  Add the onions and potato and cook on a low heat for 10-15 minutes until they are softened
3. Add the tomatoes and cook for a few minutes
4. Add the stock, garlic, basil and seasoning
5. Cover and simmer for 30 minutes
6. Liquidise with your weapon of choice**
7. Add a healthy glug of single cream and serve

These quantities will make a couple of pints of soup. I actually tripled the quantities and ended up with nearly four litres.

Well, that's about it for today.

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* Mind you, it's a few evolutionary stages beyond some of the people I've seen in the media recently.
** You can freeze the soup at this point in the recipe

Waste not, want not

A combination of the panic buying public fuckwits, empty supermarket shelving and being confined to home has tended to make us more focussed on our store cupboard than we usually are.

30% and I are batch cooking more than normal, thereby making sure that we have plenty in the freezers and limiting the frequency of our shopping trips.

Today 30% headed over to a nearby Farm Shop to pick up some fresh vegetables. This establishment has a reputation for being a little on the pricey side, but that's not the case if you know what you are doing.

The shop is part of a local estate that hosts game shoots and, quite surprisingly, the majority of the Guns have no interest in taking the pheasants and partridge home at the end of the day.  The Shoot Organiser is quite happy to give the birds away "in feather" and over the course of the season our freezers become well stocked with free pheasant breast fillets.

Another shop secret is the waste vegetable bin.  Overripe and wilted stock is not seen as saleable and is removed from the displays and is placed in a bin "round the back".  30% discovered this little gem and our chickens have reaped the benefits, being rewarded with a regular supply of greens, bruised apples and so on.

Today she popped out to the bin to collect some chicken treats and came across several pounds of overripe tomatoes.  These were brought home and we took a look at her spoils ...

After a wash and wipe they were found to be perfectly acceptable and I spent an hour or so knocking up four litres of tomato soup. The only ingredients I needed to add were three potatoes, three onions, a glug of Olive oil and a pint and one half of Chicken stock. I think my total investment is less than £1 for ten or twelve servings of a rather tasty soup.*

Whilst still on culinary matters, today is day five of the Sour Dough starter preparation. The recipe instructed me to remove half of the starter and discard. I couldn't bear to just throw it away, so this is now carefully labelled and placed in the freezer. It means that I can thaw it and create another starter that will be ready for use in about 24 hours if I decide to do this again.

Having split my starter in half, I added 150 ml of water and whisked in 150 g of white, bread flour. It was then covered once more and placed in a warm spot. Apparently it will be ready for use tomorrow.

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* I do acknowledge that the cost will go up when I add a liberal helping of single cream, just before serving.

Sour Dough day #4

With very little to keep me occupied at work it seems that a few of my colleagues are doing their best to fill more of my time.  Their current approach is to make things unnecessarily complicated and take the most circuitous routes to achieve the simplest tasks. Ho-hum!

As it says in the title, today is the fourth day of my Sour Dough starter recipe. 180g of strong white flour, 100 ml of water and 40 ml of milk were mixed well together and added to the starter culture. It was then covered and now needs to be left for another 24 hours at a "warm room temperature". More on this tomorrow.

In other news, 30% took delivery of ten cubic feet of polystyrene beads as our bean bag is looking a little deflated. I inspected the enormous box and advised her that all I could see was a huge amount of polystyrene packing material with no sign of her actual purchase ...

She was about to phone the supplier until today's date registered.

Short of material?

I tend to start my day in a leisurely fashion with a cup of coffee whilst I catch up on the news headlines.

I was about to say "my media outlet of choice is BBC Breakfast", but I think I'll rapidly correct myself and, instead, and describe it as "one of the least worst options for the morning news bulletin".

Once you've absorbed the BBC's choice of morning headlines you are left watching a series of quite bizarre journalistic articles punctuated with mundane vox pops all of which repeat on a 30 minute cycle.

It must be stated that there is far, far more going on in the world than could ever be ascertained from BBC Breakfast.*

Anyway ... to the point of today's rant ... Obviously the majority of the main news items are related to the Coronavirus pandemic.

However, it appears that the BBC have now abandoned any effort to collate and present real news stories, as this morning it seems that the Editors have given up and just let Dan Walker and Louise Minchin prattle on about interesting shit that they had seen on Facebook the previous evening.

Give me strength!

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* The one thing I can say for this TV show is that it does increase my heart rate as I am usually in full on rant mode after watching about ten minutes of their bumph.

The makings of a fine bacon sandwich?

It was yet another quiet day at "the coal face", although a reasonably straightforward request for support did arrive.  I leapt on it like a ravenous wolf, before any of my equally short of work colleagues could dash in and take this morsel scrap.

Twenty minutes of admin were necessary to log the work and arrange the necessary calls before I was, once again, left with very little to do.

30% headed out for essential groceries leaving me to occupy myself ...

It is day #2 of the sour dough starter preparation and a few minutes were spent whisking 120g of strong, white flour in to the milk and yoghurt mixture. It has now been covered and will be left at room temperature for two days. By Wednesday I should be able to see lots of small bubbles and it should smell "pleasantly sour".

30% returned from her mission and reported that the local Farm Shop was very quiet, as was the Butcher's. She had had a successful trip and presented me with a large loin of pork ...

Previously we had discussed making some more bacon and a quick rummage through the store cupboard had uncovered a pound, or so, of cure* all mixed up and ready to go.

I am now using a curing method given to me by a local pig farmer; Mick The Pig. The method involves massaging the loin with a few handfuls of cure, ensuring that all surfaces have been well rubbed. The loin is then placed in a vacuum bag** and a couple of handfuls of cure are spread on the upper and lower surfaces of the meat. The meat is then sealed and left in the bottom of the fridge for six days. It needs to be turned over once a day.

At the end of this process the bacon will be removed from the bag and washed and dried. It will then be wrapped in muslin and hung up for a few days before smoking.***

More on the bread and bacon, over the next few days.

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* A 50:50 mixture of salt and brown sugar mixed with ground aromatics; Bay leaves, Coriander seed, Black Pepper, Star Anise and Smoked Chipotle Chilli flakes
** Apparently a Ziplock bag can be used as an alternative.
*** I thought you ate bacon ... groan !

The staff of life

Self isolation/social distancing has resulted in a very quiet weekend and there was no way that I could make tidying the office and walking the dogs interesting.

Despite being at home most of the time, the very fact that I am not allowed out, except for exercise and essential journeys, does have an impact and there were points over the weekend when I did start to feel somewhat constrained.

The weather has changed significantly and the warmth earlier in the week as been replaced by a bitter blow from the North. As a result there was no way that pottering in the garage or messing with the bikes was an option.*

I needed something to pique my interest and a recent impact of panic buying may have provided the solution.

We have used a bread maker for most of the bread we eat for the past 15 years. Our cupboards normally have plenty of flour and yeast, but our pot of yeast is running low. At the moment the shops have none in stock as the panic buying fuckwits have obviously bought every pot they can lay their hands on.

At this point I should advise that we are not in dire straits, nor are we at risk of starvation. The local shops have plenty of bread and BBQ Dave has given us a tub of yeast that will last us a few weeks.

However, this shortage got us thinking and we decided that making a sour dough loaf might be an interesting diversion and possibly be the way forward if the current movement restrictions remain in place for any length of time.

Obviously our bread maker is of no use at all for making a sour dough loaf,** so it looks like I will be making bread "hands on" for the first time in many, many years.

I thought back to the last time I made bread by hand and it was probably back in 1983 when I was a student living in a grimy, damp, shared house in Park Lane, Wolverhampton.  For some reason I got it in to my head that making bread would be more economical than buying it and I started to make my own wholemeal loaves using the most basic of baking equipment.

Despite the cold house, the lack of experience and a complete absence of loaf tins, I produced some fabulous bread that was appreciated by my housemates.

Anyway, back to the present, I dug out a sour dough recipe and it is fair to say that it didn't occupy that much of my weekend...

Step one was to warm 175ml of skimmed milk, add 75 ml of live yogurt, stir, cover and put in a warm place for 24 hours.

It will take about 5 days for the starter to be ready to use, so next Saturday could be a busy day.

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* I hate being cold. I love cold frosty and snowy weather and am happy to be out in it wrapped up in the finest warm weather clothing, but I loathe trying to complete a task and be distracted by that whole body discomfort of feeling cold.
** There are bread maker recipes for sour dough loaves, but they all include measures of dried yeast, which, to me, seems to be somewhat contradictory.

Toast

After our rescue mission on Monday, TP is now enduring a period of self isolation to minimise the risk of infecting me or 30% with the Covid19 virus.

He's not showing any symptoms, but he has been out and about for the past couple of weeks, so this is just a precautionary measure.

His confinement is far from arduous as he has a spacious bedroom and his own bathroom and he is able to get outside for fresh air and exercise.  Meals and snacks are ordered via WhatsApp and are delivered on a tray and left outside his bedroom door.

Fundamentally, it is like he's in a hotel where room service is the only option for food and beverages.

As TP is totally dependent on us for nourishment I decided that his meals should be assembled with, shall we say, a creative flourish.

His preferred breakfast is a mug of black coffee and a slice of toast with peanut butter. Rather than simply cut the toast in to approximate halves along the centre line, I decided to mix things up a bit.

On Tuesday his breakfast slice had been cut in a "V" and Wednesdays was a rather random sort of zig-zag.

Today I may have peaked as I presented him with a slice of toast cut in to 32 roughly equal pieces about 2cm squared ... he wasn't amused.

Tomorrow I'm thinking about combining toast, peanut butter and coffee in a delicious breakfast smoothie.

Messing around with a few numbers

Thursday was slightly busier than Wednesday and I spent the morning trying to get to grips with a rather complicated cost model that a frolleague had developed back in 2019 for a piece of new business.

Apparently there is a problem with the specification of some servers and the ones that are being installed need to be removed and repurposed while new hardware is brought in to replace them. I've offered to help "Tel" out by updating his model as, and when, the costs arrived.

After some initial head scratching I soon developed a basic understanding of how the numbers were presented and collated and started to record the new data.  It then became clear that the quote was not as straightforward as initially thought and we are not clear on whether the price, the quantity or both are being increased.*

I now need to sit and wait while we get the Supplier to be a little more precise on the costs and how they are changing.

As a result I had a fairly slow afternoon and enjoyed another walk with the dogs in the glorious sunshine. The local lanes have finally dried out and I no longer need to restrain the dogs to prevent them getting filthy.*** They had a wild time bouncing off each other as they charged about, begrudgingly coming back when I called them in as we encountered other walkers.

And that is just about it for today.

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* The quote identifies the affected line items and advises the amount that each will increase. It details both price and quantity, but doesn't advise whether "p", "q" or both are increasing. The price appears to be the same as the preceding quote, but it is possible that they are just doubling their price!**
** This is network hardware after all!
*** I enjoy a walk, but am not so keen on spending twenty minutes hosing down and drying two reluctant Standard Poodles afterwards. This does happen frequently over the wetter months, but I do try to minimise post-perambulation canine ablutions as much as poss.

Nothing to see here

It is fair to say that work is very quiet at the moment and the two requests I picked up last week were quickly resolved, with no real need for me to get involved.

A frolleague; "Tel" is in need of some assistance and we had a quick chat about it this morning, but there is nothing much to do until some fresh costs come in later in the week.

As a result I had a very quiet day and the only thing of any significance was a walk around the Three Miler in glorious sunshine with TP and the dogs.

The lack of events, occurrences or situations have resulted in me trawling my photo archives and presenting a picture post.

Cocoa Pods - Arenal, Costa Rica

I do like an unusual botanical subject and this one was taken in 2018 when 30% and I were touring Costa Rica. These are cocoa pods and were surprisingly large, being eight to ten inches in length and tightly packed with the cocoa beans.

As I mentioned last Tuesday, our holiday in Costa Rica will always be tainted by the loss of Tyson while we were away.  We did have a lovely time and some amazing experiences, including seeing Olive Ridley Turtles hauling themselves on to shore to lay in the starlight.

But, as I said, it will always be a great holiday that we wish we'd never taken.

A Blast from the past

30% headed in to work early this morning, as she wanted to get ahead with a new service that is likely to be needed without delay.

As she left she pointed to a thawing pack of stewing beef and "suggested" that I might like to use it as a basis for tonight's dinner.

Now, many years ago I used to cook a mean beef stew, but that was a long time back and the details of the recipe were a little hazy. I wandered over to the cupboard that houses the cook books, but could find no sign of the little pamphlet that documented this culinary treasure.

I was left with no option and simply had to wing it. This is what I did ...

Beef Stew

1kg Stewing Beef (cubed)
3 medium onions (chopped)
4 carrots (sliced)
2 heaped dessert spoons of flour
Salt and black pepper
1 pint of Chicken stock
3-4 tsp Worcester Sauce
3 or 4 Bay Leaves
3-4 tsp Dried Thyme
2 handfuls of Pearl Barley

1.  Coat the beef in the seasoned flour and brown in a frying pan
2.  Once browned, remove the beef and set to one side
3.  Add the carrots and onions to the frying pan, adding more oil if necessary
4.  Saute the carrots and onions for 5 - 10 minutes until they start to soften
5.  Add the stock, Worcester Sauce, Bay Leaves and Thyme to the pan and bring to the boil
6.  Add the beef to the simmering pan of carrots and onions
7.  Add the contents of the pan to a slow cooker and cook on low setting for 6 hours. Add a little extra stock or water if the gravy needs thinning
8.  a couple of handfuls of pearl barley can be added two hours before the stew is to be served, if desired

At seven thirty dinner was served and, what can I say ... "I've still got it".

Dunkirk

Let me set the scene ...

TP holed up in deepest, darkest Cardiff.  Cases of Covid19 on the increase. An announcement of movement restrictions expected imminently.

As I am sure you can imagine, 30% was in full on "mum mode" and resources were to be mobilised immediately for a recovery mission.

Putting crappy jokes aside for a moment, TP's lease expires in the very near future and his workload has completely dried up.  Based on current Government advise it would be virtually impossible for him to locate another room to rent, let alone move himself or pay for it for that matter.

Early in the afternoon 30% and I headed down to Cardiff in the Defender and her Mini.

TP was well prepared and most of his belongings were already packed and piled in the hallway ready for loading.  It took an hour, or so, for us to cram our vehicles to the proverbial gills. We managed virtually all of his stuff with the exception of his home brewing vessels and an aged Sony flat screen TV.

We were back on the road before three o'clock and we were all back home safely by five.  TP actually seeing Army vehicles heading in to Cardiff as he left!

TP is now self-isolating for the next week and both 30% and I are relieved to have him back at home.

Our timing was perfect, as later that evening Boris Johnson announced the initial set of movement restrictions.

Weekend Round-up

 Saturday
Social Distancing/Isolation is now the new normal and, to be honest, it hasn't made a huge difference to 30% and me.

I have been a home worker for fifteen years and am used to, and actually enjoy, the isolation, using the 'phone, instant messaging and e-mail for work and social contact. 30% is much the same and fortunately we actually enjoy being at home together.

I am not so naive to not be aware that that several weeks, or even months, of social distancing will be tough to bear, but at least we both have some experience of living this way and it is not such a complete culture shock as it will be for those that head out to a place of work every day.

We spent the morning cooking up a batch of Bolognese and other culinary activities. I then nipped out to fill the Defender with diesel as the price has plummeted over the past few weeks.

Lunch followed and then we headed out around the 3 miler with the dogs and this is where we saw the impact of SD.   The lanes around the village are just like they are at Christmas with walkers I have never seen before.  People are clearly feeling the need to get out of the house now they are unable to escape to their places of work.*

A kip on the sofa followed the walk** and I then released the porn mower and trimmed the lawn.

The evening began with a G&T followed by a steak dinner and a night in front of the television ... trying to ignore it and read tablets, magazines and other alternative forms of entertainment instead.

---

* We are bumping in to dogs that we have never seen being walked before. They are easy to spot as they are all on leads and have quite a surprised expression on their faces.
** This is the law.

Sunday
A quick breakfast was consumed before I returned to the kitchen, knocked up a batch of pea and ham soup and tidied up the aftermath.

30% had headed out to the supermarket to take advantage of her NHS staff card in the hope of picking up a few store cupboard essentials that we are running short of.

And that just about takes care of Sunday morning.

In the afternoon we eventually headed out around the Three miler. I say eventually as 30% had to pop over to the local surgery where key staff are working at the weekend to prepare for the next set of Covid19 initiatives. It appears that she has a new role involving the set up and support of the new services that will be needed as self-isolation of vulnerable patients takes effect.

We eventually hit the lanes with the dogs and it was rammed with families out escaping the confines of their homes. Yesterday I said that it was like Christmas, but I was definitely under calling the number of people out on a walk.* I think there are two or three times the volume of Christmas walkers.

Several hours** later we made it home and settled in for the afternoon. I cleaned my shotgun as it looks like it is going to be months before any of the local shooting grounds re-open ... unless, of course, this really is the dawn of the Zombie apocalypse?

It looks like we will be heading down to Cardiff in the next couple of days to collect TP and his belongings. His lease expires in the next couple of months and he has little chance of picking up freelance work in the current environment, so has decided that home is the best place to wait this out and then start afresh when it all blows over.

---

* Why do their bloody kids feel the need to take a scooter out on a country walk? I wonder whether the thought process is as follows ... " I don't wanna go outside, I don't wanna go for a walk, its boring out there ... I'll take my scooter/skateboard/bike that'll minimise the effort and minimise the time away from the TV/tablet/'phone."
** That's what it felt like after 30% felt obligated to chunter on to each and every one of them.

All is well

Well, at least it is on the beekeeping front.

The weather was reasonably fine today and shortly after lunch I found a spare half an hour to pop down the road to see Kathy H-R.

I dropped off a small parcel of groceries that 30% had picked up for Kathy and then I took a quick look at the hive that sits in her front garden.

It was going to be a quick peek at best since a cool wind was blowing and I didn't want to chill the colony nor any brood that might be developing. I got the smoker lit and gave a few puffs at the hive entrance. I could see worker bees taking in pollen, which is usually a sign that the queen is laying and that there are larvae to be fed. So far, so good ...

I lifted off the hive roof, noting that the colony had eaten most of the 2.5 kilos of candy* that had been provided as emergency winter feed. This was another positive sign.

I lifted the hive crown board a centimetre or two and gave the colony another couple of puffs of smoke. The crown board was then lifted and I was rewarded with a marvellous sight. The colony covered eight or nine of the brood frames, which is a good size at this point in the year.

I inspected a few of the frames in the centre of the cluster of bees** and saw a healthy patch of capped brood. That was all I wanted to see and I quickly closed up the hive, hopefully without chilling it too much.

All six of my hives have made it through the winter.  I just hope that we get a mild dry Spring with plenty of blossom and flowers ...

... I've already been asked about whether I can supply some mini jars of honey for wedding favours.

---

* A soft sugar paste, very similar to fondant icing.
** This is the warmest part of the colony and where the queen and the brood nest are most likely to be found

Yes, no, maybe

I picked up a couple of piece of work yesterday and spent this morning clarifying the requirements and getting them off the starting blocks.

Both appeared to be relatively straightforward opportunities that could be turned around with little effort in short timeframes.

I discussed the first with the Sales Guy, clarified a minor discrepancy and within 40 minutes I had the correct teams engaged to develop the solution and quotes.

The second was somewhat different. For starters the Sales Lead didn't bother turning up to the kick off call and neither did the Project Manager. Our Architect did appear and, in his genial manner, dismissed the Approach being undertaken by the Designers and told them to go and do something much simpler and more appropriate.

After ten minutes it appeared that there was nothing for me to do, other than issue a short call summary and then close out the work request.

However this is now looking a little premature and I may actually need to get my hands dirty.

Every Cloud ...

It doesn't appear to be "all doom and gloom" here in the Covid19 stricken UK.

I learnt today that the BBC has cancelled all Eastenders filming and has halved the weekly episode count from four to two.

30% has put a black armband on, whilst I am beaming from ear to ear.*

---

*I would rather watch a blank screen or a video loop of a dog shitting for half an hour than this amateurish tripe.

Gone, but never to be forgotten

Today was the calm "yang" to yesterday's exiting "yin".

The Government's Coronavirus advice has deemed me as an "at risk" member of the population and I must now be largely shielded from social contact for the next 12 weeks. Anyone who knows me well might joke that this is no change from my normal behaviour, but over the past couple of years 30% and I have developed quite a social life.

30% and I do enjoy our own company, but I think we'll be gagging for some socialising by the time this all calms down.

Very little happened today. I provided a modicum of consultation to a colleague and took Marauder around the Three Miler for a breath of fresh air and that is just about it.

Anyone who is familiar with this Journal will know that Marauder is one of our three Standard Poodles and she is nearly 11 years old now. Our other two were Tyson and Whiffler, but we very sadly lost Tyson back in May 2018.

She was a real character and very much my dog, so we were devastated to return from a holiday in Costa Rica to find that she had suffered a twisted gut in the Boarding Kennels and had died during post operative care.

It was months before either 30% or I could really talk about her and, even now, a mention of her name leaves us both with a sad smile and a real sense of loss.

We used to joke that three dogs was "one too many", but after six months we realised that three was the magic number and 30% started to hunt down a new pup that was most definitely not a replacement!

I still remember the first pup we went to look at. The breeder had a 5 year old black bitch that looked very much like Tyson and, as she looked at us, we both realised that we were not ready for another black dog ... the sight of this lovely girl brought back too many painful memories.

In the end we travelled to deepest Kent and brought back this little horror.

In truth she is an absolute delight and is one of the most calm puppies we have had, but she still has the switch that turns her in to a complete and utter maniac from time to time.

I suppose I should give her an alias, but I'll need to think on that for a little while longer.

Freestylin' it

I've been a type 1 diabetic since the age of eight and today, nearly 46 years on, there has been a step change in the monitoring and management of my condition.

The key to management of type 1 diabetes is to maintain a balance between doses of insulin, carbohydrate intake and the amount of exercise taken.  The aim is to maintain one's blood glucose level within safe boundaries and avoid the rather nasty and potentially life limiting side effects of poor diabetic control.*

Knowing your blood glucose level is important and the measurement methods have certainly developed over the years.

When I was first diagnosed in the early 1970s home blood glucose testing was primitive, to say the least.**

Basically a diabetic's urine was tested to see whether it contained any traces of glucose. This wasn't a test of blood glucose, but of urine glucose levels. If your blood glucose control was poor then glucose was passed through your kidneys and out in to your pee.

The test involved putting 5 drops of pee and ten drops of water in to a test tube and adding a reagent tablet. An exothermic reaction occurred and after a lot of fizzing a coloured liquid remained. This was compared with a colour chart to give an estimate of glucose levels. As I said, crude and hardly the most straightforward activity when out and about.

To this day I can still remember that blue and green were good results, orange was most definitely not.

I understand that this reagent kit was eventually replaced by a plastic stick that was simply dipped in your pee, but I don't recall every having that made available for use at home.

If we jump forward to the late 1980's a significant change took place.

I had moved down to London for a new job and signed on at my local hospital's Diabetic Clinic. I was asked about testing and I mentioned the use of Ames urine glucose reagent tablets. The Consultant scoffed that "those were for old ladies" and handed me a cardboard box containing a palm sized meter, a finger pricking device, a tube of test strips and a lengthy instruction manual.

This was a personal blood glucose measuring device. I simply inserted a test strip in to the meter, pricked the end of one finger and squeezed to release a small drop of blood. The drop of blood was then placed on the test strip and within a few seconds my blood glucose level was shown on an LCD display.

I was now able to actually test my blood glucose rather than urine glucose and this could be done relatively discretely whenever and wherever I wanted or needed.

I've been testing my blood several times a day ever since until today ...

This morning I had an appointment with my Diabetes Specialist Nurse and, having attended the prerequisite training, she has authorised me to use the Freestyle Libra monitoring system.

This is a waterproof circular disk that adheres to my arm it has a microfibre sensor that protrudes under my skin, constantly reading my blood glucose levels. The disk has a near field rfid chip and passes data to an app on my phone whenever I pass my phone over the disk. The disk stays in place for 14 days before it needs to be replaced.

I've only had the Libra disk a few hours and it is a revelation. At a glance I can now not only see my blood glucose level, but also whether it is steady or trending up or down.

Only time will tell how I get on with this new technology and the most important aspect is whether my overall control improves. We shall see.

---

* You really don't want to know, but if you insist ... loss of sight, impotence, kidney failure, loss of sensation in extremities which can lead to gangrene, amputations and often death.
** Hospitals could test blood glucose, but the test involved a blood sample being taken and then taken up to the Labs for processing. This was usually done a couple of times a year at one's Diabetic review with a Consultant.

Weekend Round Up

Well, Clive Anderson on Friday was pretty much as expected.

It was an anecdotal/autobiographical monologue delivered in his normal bumbling style. Parts of it were reasonably witty and interesting, but overall it fell well short of the mark and 30% and I left before the end of the second half.

I think the main problem was that he repeatedly described himself as a stand-up comedian and, if he is, he isn't a very good one.

If I'd spent the evening in the pub with Clive listening to the same material I would have come home and said I had had a brilliant night out. This thing is money had been paid for a professional performance from a self proclaimed stand-up comedian and that isn't what I got.

Anyway, the tickets were free and our early departure meant we avoided car park chaos, so the evening could have been much worse.

Overall: 4/10 - must try harder!

Saturday
For the past week BBQ Dave and I had been keeping a close eye on the weather.

We had been planning a trip up to Hailes Shooting Ground for a morning of clay pigeon shooting with Bubbles and Grubby Mark and we had been praying to the Gods for fair weather.

We were blessed and had a great morning shooting and, in my case frequently missing, some quite challenging targets.

The afternoon saw a trip in to Alcester to drop off an order of honey at the Jewellers*. We picked up a few supplies and noticed a possible symtom of the Coronavirus outbreak. The car parks were quieter than one would have expected and the Supermarket shelves had some significant gaps. 30% got chatting to the manager at Waitrose and he told us that an order of toilet paper that would normally last 4 days had been sold in 24 hours and that they were currently experiencing a Christmas like sales experience with none of the staffing or preparations that are put in place to run a Supermarket chain over a period of intense demand.

The evening saw us with a house full. 30% had invited Grubby Sue and Mark along with Sheila over for a Chinese takeaway,** a few drinks and a general catch-up.

We were also joined by TP and his "friend"*** for the weekend. TP has embarked on a career as a freelance Sound Engineer after graduating in July last year. Unfortunately his work is being impacted by the virus outbreak and consequent event cancellations, so he used his now free weekend to spend some time with us, or, more truthfully, his girlfriend.

Sunday
I'd been half tempted to head over to Throckmorton this morning for another round of clay shooting, but the weather was miserable and, if I am totally honest, I really fancied a lazy day after a quite hectic start to the year.

We enjoyed a family breakfast, which is a rare occasion nowadays and the remainder of the morning was spent pottering.

In the afternoon 30% and I headed in to Redditch to pick up a few supplies. We definitely weren't panic buying, but, with three Standard Poodles to feed, our trolley full of dog food may have looked like we were!

---

* Jewellery and Honey may seem an odd combination of wares, but for some reason my product and packaging seems to be a perfect match with "Vanellope's" decor and beautiful creations.  However, it is rumoured that a lot of the honey ends up being bought by the team rather than customers.
** Our local Chinese is normally very busy with the 'phone ringing constantly on a Saturday evening ... not tonight. There was only one other customer waiting for an order and the 'phone didn't ring at all for the five or ten minutes I was in there.  I wonder if this is yet another reaction to the virus and its origins in China?
*** a lovely girl who designs and builds props at a local theatre.

that "Friday Feeling"

Well here I am at the end of the week and I certainly have that "Friday Feeling".

You know the one I mean. The anticipation of two work free days. The slightly less conscientious view of work matters because it is the end of the week and, irrespective of what I do, or don't do, nothing is really going to happen until Monday at the earliest.

Yes, that "Friday feeling".

The unfortunate thing is that I have had it all week ...

Things have suddenly become very quiet on the Piano Moving front.  For the best part of eighteen months I have been occupied with looking at alternative ways in which we can deliver, contract and charge for a service we provide to our customer.

Now, after numerous iterations and demands for innovative solutions and even more innovative* pricing, the customer has decided that this activity is too disruptive and we have all been stood down.

This is part of a much bigger initiative and only time will tell whether work will pick up, so all I can do is wait and hope something comes in to keep me busy. 

After a week of sitting at my laptop waiting for something to happen I basically abandoned that facade and got on with a few domestic tasks instead.

As a result the kitchen is a whole lot tidier and the lawn is much less scruffy.** I can now see the floor in the bedroom, tomorrow's honey order has been assembled and the dogs have been walked around the Three Miler.

I bumped in to BBQ Dave and his good lady; Janet*** on my walk and we wandered back to their house for a chat and a cup of tea.

Basically I have had a very productive Friday on the home front, leaving me with two work free days to really enjoy.

The weekend proper starts with a trip over to the Artrix theatre in Bromsgrove to see Clive Anderson in Me, MacBeth and I.

Hopefully there will be more on that in the next Journal entry.

---

* For this read "ridiculously cheap"
** Surprisingly, this was not the first cut of the year. We had a very mild and dry spell at the beginning of February and the porn mower actually had its first outing of 2020 on 4th February.
*** Now I do like an alias, but Janet is actually her real name, but very few people know that. It's actually the Welsh version of Janet; Sioned, but everyone calls her something quite different.

Stepping on to the Plague Ship

It was another quiet day at work, so I thought a quick forty winks was in order before heading out around the Three Miler with the dogs.

I had just settled down on the sofa when the 'phone rang.  It was 30% and I was somewhat surprised, as she had literally only just left the house for work about five minutes previously.

At this point I probably need to fill in a little of the back story ... actually, I'm not sure why I need to do that. After all, it is highly likely that there is anyone out there reading this a) because I haven't posted anything in the past four years and b) because if there is anyone out there reading this, they are highly unlikely to have read all of the preceding entries and therefore know anything at all about 30%.

30% has been my partner in crime for the best part of 20 years and the last time I was making regular Journal entries she was employed by The Neat & Tidy Piano Movers, as I still am.

About three and a half years ago she decided, rather abruptly, that she had had quite enough of the Corporate nonsense that pervaded every single working day and was starting to make inroads in to her non working days.  She negotiated a mutually agreeable exit plan with the Piano Movers and, it is fair to say, she hasn't really looked back.

She took about a year off and "chilled" before taking a voluntary project management role for a Community project and picking up some part time work in a couple of local shops.  She was also an elderly ladies companion for a while, but that role ended when her "lady" was moved in to a Nursing Home and no longer needed 30%'s ministrations and visitations.

I think we were both in agreement that she was not yet ready to embrace the life of a retiree and really did still need something more challenging than selling gin and bananas or visits to Garden Centre Tea Shops to keep her mind active.

The "something challenging" came to pass back in the Autumn of last year when she was offered a job as a receptionist at the local Doctor's Surgery which is literally just over the road from The Pile.

She absolutely loves the job, particularly the social interaction, often with people who aren't at their best. It really does fill her need to look after and care for people and it seems that she is really appreciated after only a few months in the role.

Now that was a bit of a diversion, so back to the 'phone call ... it appears that as well as providing front of house duties at the Surgery, she also has a sideline selling eggs and honey to the staff. She had left a box of eggs on the worktop and she needed me to pop them over and drop them in at the Dispensary for Alison.

Normally I wouldn't have blinked an eye at being asked to complete this minor errand, but the COVID-19 virus outbreak has just been declared a Pandemic and I'm now somewhat wary of heading in to a building whose very purpose is the "go to" place for the sick.*

Now, the advice to the UK public is to call 111 for advise if they think the are showing Coronavirus symptoms. They are specifically advised NOT to visit Surgeries or Hospitals, but I know how bloody stupid some of the British population can be.**

As a consequence I was somewhat less than enthusiastic to visit the local Plague Ship and was bloody certain of using the hand gel on departure.

As for contact with 30%, she's living in the chicken coop until a) she finds a new job, or b) this all blows over.

---

* Actually, based on 30%'s anonymised accounts, there are quite a few "regulars" who have nothing at all wrong with them or could self medicate with the most basic of "over the counter" remedies. However this subject is likely to get me on to a full-blown rant about abuse of the National Health Service, so its probably best if I leave it there!
** Why the fuck are people stockpiling toilet paper? Its not as though diarrhoea is even one of the fucking symptoms ... perhaps they are going to self-isolate by swathing themselves in it like some modern day mummy?

I'm still not dead!

Well!

Its certainly been a while since I last put pen to virtual paper to note the comings and goings here at The Pile.

Don't worry though, I'm not going to dump a fifty page narrative of the past three and a half years here for you to read. I'm also not going to make any rash commitments about how frequently I'm going to make an entry in The Journal.

After the best part of four years there is plenty to report, but I am well out of practice, so I think it will be a case of taking it day by day or even week by week and seeing how it goes. Hopefully I will get back in to the proverbial saddle and, over time, fill in the gaps*.

Today was a quiet day at work, so I made best use of my time and got a few items crossed off my mental to-do list.

The most notable was the first hive inspection of the year. It is unseasonably warm and we have had one of the mildest Winters on record, so the bees are out and about collecting pollen and nectar from the snowdrops, crocuses and other early Spring flowers.

Shortly after lunch I threw on my bee suit, lit a smoker and took a very quick look at the 5 hives that are in the garden. Although it is mild, there was no need to perform a full blown inspection, just a quick peek inside the hives to check whether the colonies had made it through the Winter.

All five had survived and had adequate stores of honey in their outer frames. I could see capped and uncapped brood on the central frames, meaning that I had laying Queens in all hives. I even had a quick glimpse of one Queen as I scanned one frame. I have another hive a couple of miles down the road at Kathy H-R's house and I'll try to get over there at some point in the next week to see how they are doing.

Now, I am well aware that this is very, very far from the most earth shattering of Journal posts, especially after such a long absence and there are some quite major changes to report on. But, as I mentioned earlier, let's see how things pan out and, hopefully, I'll bring things up to date over the coming weeks and months.

---

* A quick Google search indicates that there are 1,305 days between 14th August 2016 and today, so this may take quite some time!

A "first", fourteen years in to our relationship

We are definitely in to the pre-holiday phase and are doing our utmost to complete tasks early and avoid any last minute rush.

Yesterday the dogs were clipped and this morning I gave the shed it's second coat of creosote. It is not the most pleasant of tasks applying the oily, strong smelling fluid, but it is done now and I won't have to think about applying another coat for at least twelve months.

After lunch 30% sprayed the recently erected willow fencing with Danish Oil and I was required to fulfil the role of spray gun technician; thinning the oil down to a suitable viscosity for spraying. I then attempted to have a kip on the sofa, but didn't really succeed.

Mid-afternoon it was time for "a first" ... I wheeled the Royal Enfield Bullet Classic from the garage and gave 30% a short briefing on Pillion Passenger etiquette. After nearly pissing myself laughing at the sight of her in an open-face helmet and goggles, she threw a leg over and we headed down the road at a gentle pace.

Twenty minutes later we were pulling up outside her brother's house.* We had been invited over for an impromptu get-together which turned out to be a little odd. There was no surprise that the Elf was mostly occupied by fractious baby Oswald, but our other host spent his time with a friend attempting to illegally access an internet football broadcast on his widescreen TV. This left 30% and I discussing holiday plans with Mr & Mrs Tweedy, who had also been invited.

We had a pleasant couple of hours, but it wasn't exactly what I had expected, since our hosts were generally occupied with other matters. I was left bemused by why they had invited us over in the first place.

We headed home on the Enfield and 30% was turning out to be quite a good pillion passenger. I am wondering what she will make of something with a little more horsepower and better handling.

Shopping and Haircuts

This morning 30% and I were under instructions from Jonathan; our Painter and Decorator.

After a leisurely breakfast of coffee and croissant we headed over to Bidford to pick up wood stain for our exterior woodwork.  From Bidford it was then on to Stratford-on-Avon and a visit to B&Q. There we collected a few gallons of masonry paint, white satin paint for the canopies and door frames and a bright green gloss for the front door.

By the time we had taken a quick whizz around Tesco it was lunchtime and we headed home for food.

In the afternoon I was persuaded to get the clippers from the garage and give Whiffler a long over due clip.

He has a very fine coat and it had become matted, particularly around the elbow and heel joints. We had decided to clip it right back, rather then have him endure a grooming session that was likely to be long and possibly painful. Far better to cut his coat right back and let it regrow over the next few weeks.

Having got Whiffler looking reasonably respectable I turned my attention to Tyson and Marauder, and by the end of the afternoon all three dogs were looking a lot tidier. They will be spending their holiday at a local dog sitter and are likely to come back filthy after a fortnight of fun in her gardens, paddock and stables. The plan is to get them booked in to the Groomers at the end of September. They will definitely need a bath and their coats should have regrown sufficiently for a half-decent lamb clip.

The dog grooming took all of the afternoon and I was quite tired after three hours, half-bent, handling reluctant poodles. It is fair to say that our evening was spent relaxing and doing very little else.

It could have been a lot worse

First job of the day was to ring our local mechanic about the Audi, he was obviously having a quiet Friday and invited me to drop the car in whenever I could find a free twenty minutes.

I then settled down to clear my in-box and re-famaliarise myself with a set of slides that I was due to present later in the day. As I worked my way through my e-mails my attention was drawn to a meeting invitation ... Our client has issued the first of a series of RFPs and my day's priorities looked like they were about to change.

I made a start on reviewing the RFP documentation and made a few notes. As soon as 30% was free we dropped the Audi off at the workshop and I returned to my reading list. The RFP was surprisingly well structured, with a reasonable amount of time for any solutioning and costing, but before we got any where near that activity we would need a clear direction on our strategy.

As the day progressed calls were shuffled to accommodate RFP discussions and my presentation was deferred to the following week. A strategic decision was finally made and it looks like my involvement will be limited to bid management, as the solution and pricing is already available. I just need to ensure that that correct processes are followed and the right colleagues involved.

This was quite a relief as I am on holiday in just under a fortnight and my manager did not seem to want to select a resource to cover for my absence. As the deal is now quite straightforward, I should be able to get my Project Manager to keep things going while I am sightseeing in the Western States of the USA.

As the afternoon drew to a close the mechanic called to advise that the Audi was ready for collection. I had managed to break one of the coil spring and a new pair had been fitted. My car park pot-hole incident had cost just over two hundred quid to resolve ... ouch!

On the home front, Chippy Ian was with us today to continue the refurbishment of the Georgian canopies that surmount our doorways. These were in surprisingly good condition, considering their age. His work has been limited to re-fixing the original timber brackets and then replacing the planking, boards and lead that sits upon them.

He has now finished two canopies with a third to be built from scratch next Monday. We estimated that one of the canopies that he repaired was probably sixty years old and the other could have been closer to one hundred years old.  They have stood the ravages of time and weather amazingly well and with new lead work they should be good for may more years to come.

As the day drew to a close I tidied up Ian's debris and whizzed the mower around the lawns. It was my way of transitioning from the working week to the weekend. I now have two days to focus on nothing but home and family.

Could my day get any worse?

This morning I was up bright and early; suited and booted I found myself heading towards the station for a day in London.

At this point in the narrative I will make two points; the first is that I was an optional attendee for the meeting I was travelling to and the second is that I took 30%'s Audi TT, as it was parked in front of the Defender.

At quarter past six in the morning the roads were clear, apart from several suicidal wood pigeons, and I was soon driving in to the railway station car park.  As I circled to head in to a space I noticed a pothole a little too late and heard a dreadful clonk. It didn't sound good. It was definitely going to need a trip to the workshop and I was not certain that I could drive the car home. What a fucking marvellous start to the day.

I headed in to the station and purchased my ticket from the vague fuckwit at the ticket desk. He handed over my ticket whilst putting on some allegedly amusing performance of being sleepy, instead of advising me about a few minor changes to my planned journey ...

... it was only when I had put the car parking ticket in the broken car and made my way to the platform that I discovered that there was engineering works on the route and there was a temporary bus service between Didcot Parkway and Hanbroough.

At this point I really contemplated just going home. It was only the fact that I would have to explain an expense claim for a journey that never happened that kept me fuming on the platform.

The train arrived and about forty minutes later I found myself disembarking and climbing aboard a coach at Hanborough. As I settled in my seat I discovered that the coach driver intended to play the Chris Evans show to us for the next forty minutes.* As it says in the title"could my day get any worse ?"

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* I loathe that talentless fucker

Post Script

For the record it did. My London bound journey took four hours door to door rather than the normal three. My homeward journey took a full five hours and as for the meeting ... don't ask.

On a more positive note

Today saw the arrival of Chippy Ian. He is here to restore the canopies that shelter the front door and the one to the garden. He will also be building a new canopy to keep the weather off the door to the garage.

We also have our Painter here to start the preparation work for the repaint of the outside of the house.

With Hank arriving in a few weeks for the walling and paving the outside of the house will be very smart before Autumn sets in.

Have I just wasted thirty quid?

I had barely got in to the rhythm of the working day when the doorbell rang ... It was the Postman requesting a signature for a package; my new queen had arrived.

After unpacking the small parcel, I quickly threw on my bee suit, lit a smoker and headed out to the hive. It took very little time to get the queen cage tucked between two frames in the brood box and I soon had the hive reassembled.*

My main concern is whether the worker bees are too old to support the colony. A worker bee only lives for about six weeks in the Summer. This colony swarmed a fortnight ago so it has been more than two weeks since any eggs were laid in the hive, realistically the brood less interval is longer as there is no sign of capped brood, so my guess is three weeks without new bees.

This means that my worker bees have about three weeks left in them so this new queen needs to be out and laying as soon as possible as a worker takes twenty one days from egg laying to emergence. It is going to be tight and I may have to consider transferring a frame of capped brood from my other hive to keep this one going.

There is nothing I can do at present. I just need to be patient and let nature take it's course. In two weeks time I will inspect the hive and make a decision then.

The rest of the day rumbled on and I finally finished my presentation and passed it out for review. I may have seemed to be making a meal of this task, but the message is that the team need to pull up their socks if they are to succeed in their objective. Apparently this message needs to be presented in a positive manner and telling them they are a shower of shit is not an option!**

This evening's activity was an hour of Pilates in a Village Hall just down the road.  It was pretty intense and an aching thigh suggested that one of the exercises was working a muscle that hadn't been much used for a while. The optimist in me thinks that I will bounce out of bed tomorrow morning; the pessimist thinks I will be crippled.

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* It would have taken even less time if 30% hadn't volunteered me to give our Cleaner; Penny a quick tour of the hive.
** That was my Plan A and is still my preferred approach. I have worked with some Tits in the past, but never have I come across a complete team without the necessary skills or experience for what is fast approaching.

Giving it every chance

This morning I wandered out to see how the newly returned colony was doing. Within a matter of a few hours the worker bees had reorientated themselves and were already bringing in loads of pollen and nectar. The hive was a picture of industry and productivity.

My glance then fell on the other hive and I felt quite sad. The bees were coming and going, albeit fewer of them, filling a doomed hive with stores. The colony has no chance of survival without a queen. As each day passes the number of workers diminish and the colony's eventual fate is to dwindle and die.

I didn't relish the prospect of dismantling a failed hive in the Autumn, so I hit the internet and checked out the website of Honeyfields Bee Farm. It stated that they supply mated queens right through until the end of August so I grabbed a 'phone and rang them ...

... A few minutes later a queen had been ordered overnight delivery.

In my discussions with the Apiary I learnt that there is no guarantee of success, but at least they will stand a chance with a fresh queen.

The day rumbled on and I filled my time polishing a presentation to be delivered at the end of the week.

Shortly after four o'clock the sun broke through and I put on my bee suit and headed out to checked the queen-less colony. I spent a good while inspecting the frames for any sign of eggs, larvae or a virgin queen.  If there were any signs of a resident queen the forthcoming introduction would be doomed, but I saw nothing. The new queen is the only chance the hive has.

The evening saw a trip to Dog Training and Whiffler was on pretty good form. He was a little wayward when walking to heel, but sharpened up as the class continued ... By the time he was crunching his end of class treat from the Instructor, he had aced the "tricky" yellow box exercise and also made a good attempt at the "STOP DOG" exercise.*

As the day drew to a close I spent time researching Queen introductions on the internet. It all seems quite straightforward; I just need to wait until she arrives and get on with it. I just hope that the workers will accept her and last long enough to raise new brood.

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* Whiffler is placed at the far end of the training room and I walk to the other end. I then recall him. As he comes towards me I give him a "STOP" command with the aim of getting him to stop and sit halfway between his starting point and me.  This exercise is a real challenge as it only takes him five paces, when running,  to get from one end of the hall to the other.  The key to this exercise is to get him to recall slowly!

Two items removed from the "to do" list

I have been trying to find a free morning to creosote the shed for a few weeks. Today that morning finally arrived and by nine o'clock I was stood, brush in hand, surveying the task ahead of me.  A sacrificial dust sheet was deployed to soak up splashes and a couple of litres of the oily, brown liquor was decanted in to a pot. There was no going back ...

... Two hours later I had ruined an old pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and had a freshly coated shed.  Creosote, or rather "creosote substitute" may be a bit  "old fashioned", but the dark colour has blended the building in to the background under the shade of the Yew tree and it it now far less conspicuous.

I cleaned myself up and dumped my, now aromatic clothing, in the shed where it can fester until I find time to apply the second coat. Lunch was taken and then 30% and I pottered in the garden, occupying ourselves with watering and a touch of planting.

The weather was beautiful, so I took advantage and wheeled the black Enfield Bullet Classic from the garage. I unzipped the vents in my jacket, put on a helmet and headed out nowhere in particular. I spent an hour or so touring the local lanes and byways before returning to find 30% continuing with our holiday planning.

As the heat of the day had now passed we headed out for a walk with the dogs and had a lovely time exploring a couple of paths and bridleways that we hadn't traipsed for quite some time.

Normally that would have been a full list of accomplishments for a Sunday, but after dinner this evening, just before sun-set we climbed in to the Defender and headed over to the Tweedy residence. It was time to collect the daughter colony from the bottom of the Tweedy garden. TP and I sealed up the hive entrance and securely strapped the hive whilst 30% discussed holiday plans.  We were soon ready to depart and the hive was carefully placed in the back of the car.

A bump free route was taken home and, as the sky darkened, TP and I placed the hive back in our garden.

One good hive, one not so good

I seem to be falling behind with my Journal entries at the moment, so here is another "two days in one" in an attempt to get back on track.

I took a day off work on Friday and spent a very relaxing day, in the company of Mr Tweedy, at  Edgbaston Cricket Ground watching the England v Pakistan Test Match. The weather was lovely and we had a fantastic pair of seats that gave a great view of proceedings. I wouldn't say it was the best days Cricket I have ever seen* but one cannot complain at witnessing six Pakistani wickets and Cook making a half century. I even managed a forty minute snooze in the sun when the English Bowlers were making a meal of the Pakistan tail enders.

And so on to Saturday; I started with some gentle pottering in the garden. I needed to tidy up the site for the daughter colony of bees, as this will be returning to The Pile in the next couple of days. This took no more than twenty minutes and then I donned my bee suit, lit my smoker and finally lifted the lid on the hive that swarmed a fortnight ago.

I had allowed two weeks for the young queen to hatch, mate and settle to laying, but as I made my way through the frames of the brood box there was no sign of queen nor brood. This was not good. As each day passes without a queen the colony dwindles as workers die off . At this point in the year there are only six or seven weeks before the colony changes behaviour and hunkers down for the Winter. There is a faint hope that I missed the Queen and she has just not yet started to lay, but I may well have to write off this colony.

30% and I then took an early lunch before heading in to town for supplies. She headed in to the supermarket, whilst I nipped in to the DIY store next door. Twenty minutes later we were finished and then drove in to the town centre to pick up a new travelling bag for TP ...

... We have started the count down to our holiday; lists are being prepared and bookings are being made. We still have three weeks to go and at this rate we should be ready with no last minute rush.

The next stop was the Tweedy residence where I, again, donned my bee suit and inspected the daughter colony. This was doing really well with seven full frames of brood and plenty of stores. The Queen was seen wandering across a frame, but I didn't need to see her to know that this artificial swarm was the one success of my first Summer of beekeeping.

After more holiday discussions, we headed home, unpacked the car and spent more time in the garden watering and feeding.

The evening was spent in front of a film and checking the internet for information on how quickly a Queen Bee will come in to lay. There is a slight chance, but I am not laying any bets.

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* This was back in '97 at Trent Bridge, when I witnessed Shane Warne decimate the English Batsmen.

Moving Projects Forward

After more than a fortnight of procrastination I finally found a free morning to sex up a presentation that I need to deliver in ten days time.

After adjusting a proxy setting I managed to gain access to the Corporate website where all of the various templates, themes and icons are held. *  I eventual found a series of icons that should cover all of the points i need to make. I then made a start on seriously reducing the word count of my slide deck.

The day rumbled on and I eventually grew tired of Powerpoint slides. TP returned home from early from his Summer employment as a Car Valet for a local Sales Pitch, and I recruited his assistance to help lay the heavy concrete slab in to position for the return of the artificial swarm colony that I created a few weeks ago ...

... All I need to do now is find an evening when the weather looks fine, TP is available to assist and the Tweedies are in , so I can go and retrieve my hive.

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*Perhaps it is just me, but I do find it somewhat ironic that I need to mess about with my laptop proxy settings before I can gain access to this material. I really would have expected to just click the link and land there.

Good news all round

Today I received my mid-year assessment from my Boss. I have obviously managed to conceal my dissatisfaction, frustration and boredom perfectly as his narrative was praise filled from start to finish ...

... Trying to look at it from a glass half full  perspective, if I apply for a new role the Hiring Manager will get to see these comments.

I managed to complete yet another day without getting anywhere near the PowerPoint presentation that I have supposed to be updating for the past three weeks. I now have a date by which it must be finished so that should help to focus my mind.

There was also news today from a Client about a series of RFPs that should arrive over the next 12 months. This announcement appears to have put the entire Organisation in to a flap ...

... I was the odd one out when I looked at it and thought "actually that isn't too bad and gives us plenty of time to prepare for the tricky one" ... is it me?

I eventually managed to shut the lid on the laptop and headed a few miles down the road to a Pilates session with 30%. I am absolutely amazed at how much I actually look forward to these sessions, especially considering that I needed to be dragged to the first one and very nearly didn't make it through the door.

This evening's session was somewhat less strenuous than some of the recently ones and I am noticing that my core strength and flexibility is definitely improving.  Sit-ups are becoming easier and I can now put all five fingers to the floor when bending from the waist.

Lows 'n Highs

I really did not want to face work today.

There was nothing particularly problematic that needed to be done. I just did not want to face another day of idiotic questions asked by lazy people who have yet to learn the basic skills of problem management.

This morning's call about a Contract Change was a classic example. A call had been held last week, where I was asked to initiate a couple of actions and provide a couple of pieces of evidence. I did all of that promptly and turned up to today's call to find that none of my completed actions had been reviewed or incorporated in the intervening days.

The lazy incompetents had arranged the call to get me to direct them to the right e-mails and baby talk them through the texts ... If there was ever proof that money is not the key motivator, this job is it.

Just after lunch there was a knock at the door. I answered it and found Hank, our local Paving Contractor, on the doorstep. I had been expecting him to turn up for the past week and he had finally appeared. We wandered in to the garden and I pointed out the walling and paving jobs that needed addressing. He paced it up and provided a rough estimate that seemed very reasonable so I mentally increased it by 50% and gave him the go-ahead. He should have his team here towards the end of September and they will make quite an impact by the time they have finished.

The day ambled on and eventually I was able to close the lid on my laptop and clear the bomb site that we call a kitchen.

We had an early dinner this evening and then headed out to Dog Training with Whiffler. He was an absolute star tonight and even managed the challenging treat in a lidded box exercise that has overloaded his grey matter for months.

Weekend Round Up

It was another busy weekend here at The Pile which, unsurprisingly, featured further efforts to transform the garden.

Saturday started with 30% disappearing off to the Supermarket for provisions. I wanted to mow the lawn, but needed to wait a while for the overnight dew to dry.  I therefore wandered out to the garage and tinkered with The Shitter; oil levels were checked, the engine was warmed and levels were checked again.

This token motorcycle maintenance didn't take very long and the lawn was still damp, but I reasoned that it had been cut wetter than this, so set about trimming the sward. About an hour later I had finished and rewarded myself with a coffee out in the garden where I surveyed the results of my efforts.

Directly after lunch I headed over to inspect the hive at the Tweedy residence. It took no more than twenty minutes to see that the colony was performing superbly. The Queen was sighted and the frames were packed with eggs, larvae and sealed brood.  I was unsure about available space in the hive, so added an extra Super  just in case. I then headed home via a couple of hardware stores to pick up a pair of edging shears and some concrete ballast.

The rest of the afternoon was spent preparing a site for the hive that is currently in the Tweedy's garden.* The selected site is in a sunny spot in the, now cleared, briar patch. I marked and dug out a shallow footing for a 3' x 2' concrete slab and had just about finished when 30% reminded me that I needed to tidy up before dinner.

The evening saw the arrival of the Mr & Mrs Tweedy. We had a splendid meal before settling down to tweak our route for our upcoming US road trip. I am really looking forward to the trip, but found the planning session somewhat frustrating.

30% and the Tweedies insisted on using a map and then asking how far point A was from point B and how long it would take to drive the distance. I much prefer to use the Mapquest website which is very much click 'n drag with automatic generation of routes and statistics.  As a result, I left them to their map and input their requirements in to the Mapquest website. On a regular basis I emailed them a url which would allow them to pull up the route at the click of a mouse button.

I felt very much like I was holding a blow torch, watching Homo Neanderthalensis sweating over a bow drill in an attempt to make fire.

Moving on to Sunday, I started the day at the site for my second hive. A reasonable quantity of bricks, concrete and stones were collected and a merry hour was spent with a sledge hammer, creating a hardcore sub-base for the concrete slab.

I realised that I would need a finer ballast to fill some of the voids in the hardcore, so headed in to town to pick up a couple of sacks ... An hour later I stood back and was satisfied with the foundation. The mixing of the mortar and the laying of the slab can wait until later in the week.

In the afternoon more gardening took place before I retired to the sofa for a kip.

As five o'clock drew near I headed out to the garage and extracted TP's little Yamaha and the Shitter. TP has been trying to sell his little 125 for a few weeks and has finally attracted a potential buyer that is a) local and b) making all the right noises.**

We headed in to Worcester and met up with the potential purchaser at his place of work. He wandered around the bike, asked a couple of questions and then suggested we head in to his office to complete the paperwork and transfer the payment. That was it, no haggling, no nit-picking over the condition of the bike. It was the most straightforward vehicle sale ever.

As TP was sorting out the registration documents I realised that I would not be able to give him a lift home on the Shitter, as it has as single seat.  I had not expected the deal to be completed this evening, so I had to race home and swap to the Honda and return to pick up TP.

So now I have more space in the garage, but also have a son with a motorcycle license, but no bike. How long is it going to be before I hear "Dad, can I borrow your bike?"

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* It is doing really well, but is sited under fruit trees and, consequently, want to bring it back home before the wasp season.  Wasps are notorious for robbing hives and honey is going to attract them like proverbial flies to a bucket of manure.
** Prior to this weekend he has had his time wasted by clueless seventeen year olds, making ludicrous offers and expecting TP to courier the bike to the other end of the country.

I managed to get through Friday without moaning

I managed to get through Wednesday and Thursday without telling any of my colleagues to go and fuck themselves ... although there were a couple of occasions where it was very tempting. Basically it was two days of conference calls and interruptions preventing me from addressing the pice of work I should have been doing.

I suppose I could have worked late to hone a PowerPoint deck, but I do tend to be a bit old fashioned about working late, unless it is absolutely necessary. I have done plenty of late nights, early mornings and weekend work when I have been up against the clock as a result of an aggressive bid calendar. However, I am afraid that tidying up a Presentation to educate my peers and their managers ... note "peers and their managers" about best practice on a upcoming bid does not yet warrant a late night in front of a laptop.

This may seem a little self destructive, but the Piano Movers have their own way of moving Pianos. I have found that they are not actually particularly good at this aspect of the work, but seem very reluctant to change. They are also very hierarchical with regard to decision making and there are major challenges in getting the support to resource bids, let along change the way they are run.

The proverbial shit will hit the fan in the next couple of weeks when our customer finally gets their shit together and publishes its RFP timelines ... Hopefully that will focus minds, including my own.

After two days of covering colleague's work I was finally able to set my out-of-office message on Thursday evening and start a three day weekend.

Friday saw us chuck the dogs in the back of the Defender and head a couple of miles down the road to a Game Fair that is being held this weekend at a local Stately Home. We had a great day wandering amongst the exhibits and retail stalls that were all loosely connected* with Huntin', Shootin' 'n Fishin'. 

It was very much a dog friendly day and Tyson, Marauder and Whiffler drew a fair bit of attention as it is not every day that you see a family daft enough to own three Standard Poodles. It was pleasing to see quote a few other Poodles at the fair and very interesting to see that our three recognised and interacted with other Poodles in a different way to other breeds of dog.

Our trip home was thankfully short and we spent the evening relaxing after our wanderings across the show ground.

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* In some cases very tenuously