The Wanderer Returns

TP has returned from his Austrian tour intact with tales of his skiing expertise. He has had a fantastic time and took to skiing like the proverbial duck to water. He has never skied before but was moved up a class after the first 10 minutes when he had already mastered the snow plough and basic turns.

It seems that he has progressed incredibly well and quickly caught up with his friends that had previous skiing experience. He must have been pretty handy as he showed us a video he had shot whilst skiing a red run - pretty impressive for only a few days of practice.

He arrived home yesterday afternoon absolutely shattered after a 20 hour coach Journey and has spent much of his time sleeping since. He was alert enough to notice that he was now sleeping in his new bedroom and that 30% and I had installed a new wardrobe and supplied some very funky bed linen to go with his chosen colour scheme of Taxi Yellow and Orange.

His skiing exploits have prompted 30% to consider a winter holiday next year and I was surprisingly asked for my views on a Winter holiday.....

.... I agreed that the Seychelles or the Maldives would be nice in February 2012. Ouch! Apparently that was not what 30% meant.

Today the plan was to take T&M for an early walk, pop in to Tesco and then have lunch at a local pub. This would leave the afternoon free for an hour or so of work in front of the Rugby  followed by a kip and then over to Warwick Arts Centre to see Andy Parsons do a stand-up set this evening.

This is all running to schedule but I would like to make one announcement to the absolute cock that gesticulated aggressively at 30% and me while we were taking T&M for a walk. This Bell End* saw Marauder crouch to do her business and then we walked on. The blind git assumed that she had taken a dump and that we were ignorant dog owners that were just going to leave it there. In response, I do clear up my dog's shit but if he had been slightly more observant he would have noticed that a) Marauder is a Bitch and b) she was taking a pee.

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* aka the pretentious old prat who puts on a shonky Scots accent to address the haggis on Burns Night. I may take the opportunity to correct him when I next see him.

Swings & Roundabouts

Work has been a real grind today; lengthy calls, numerous emails and a momentary clearing of the fog to see a really crappy three weeks ahead. Ah well ,at least it was forward movement today albeit not very far.

I am also becoming very cynical about people saying they will do something. I now regard that as complete and utter bullshit until they send an email saying that they have completed the task.

But enough of that, Hopefully I have done enough that will allow me to take Monday off as a day's holiday with only a couple of hours effort required tomorrow to keep work crawling along like the first proto-amphibian that hauled it's slimy bulk out of a Devonian sea 400 million years ago or thereabouts. Yep, Dante's might think it is racehorse fast but the previous sentence is a far more realistic view.

Right, back to Monday. On Monday I had planned to take the Defender in to the workshop to have Alpine windows fitted in to the roof as part of it's civilisation. At present it has a van body and there are a few tweaks needed to make the back more passenger friendly. The great thing about Defenders is that they are easily altered and the plan was to simply remove sections of the roof and insert the aforementioned windows.

This was before the mechanic got cold feet and called. He advised that my Defender has the new smooth roof and he was therefore concerned that inserting the windows would increase flexing in the roof and could lead to leaky windows or them simply dropping out. He advised that similar "factory" roofs with alpine windows have a lip around the aperture to prevent flexing. Bugger, I thought.

It's an impression, not a Technical Drawing

"Don't worry" he advised "I can get you a replacement roof with the windows already fitted from a Dismantler and bolt it on". "As for your current roof" he continued "I'll buy that off you as I am always doing conversions". I probably need to point out that the Defender is one step away from a Mechano car and is incredibly easy to reconfigure from Estate, to Pick-up to Van. All it takes is a few bolts and usually WD40 and and Elastoplast. .......

...... The numbers all stacked up. The additional cost of the full roof was easily offset by the price the Mechanic would pay for the current one and the reduced time required to fit a roof as opposed to the modification of the existing lid. In other words it was pretty much cost neutral.

The only fly in the ointment was that this was not going to happen on Monday as a roof still needed to be located. I had a flash of genius .....

...... "Ah" I said "so you now have a spare few hours on Monday". "Yes" Mark, the mechanic agreed. "OK, how about still having her in and giving her a Stage 1 ECU remap then?" I suggested. Mark laughed and agreed. So, now the Defender is going to have her BHP and Torque adjusted to a slightly more aggressive level which should make her slightly more civilised at Traffic Lights and Junctions. RESULT!

Ploughing a 10 acre field with a Merry Tiller

That is how the yesterday finished.

First things first lets have a quick recap of the day. To be fair most of it went very well. The sun came out. For the first time this week it was a pleasure to wander round the lanes with T&M, hat off, coat open - steady now - and feeling the sun and breeze on my face.

On the work front, most of the stuff I needed to do went well and it was only the final job that has been somewhat problematic. Fortunately there are other ways of achieving the goal so it will not weigh heavy on my conscience if I don't get it done.

The job, yes, I was getting to that, I have an enormous model that covers the entire planet and this model has been developed in a Lamborghini* of a tool. To continue the automotive analogy, realistically I could do with a Ford equivalent because the tool is way too sophisticated for much all of the stuff I will ever do with it.

The tool itself consumes huge amounts of memory and processing power on my laptop so when asked to divide a global model up in to Geographic chunks it simply sulked. It didn't crash or anything like that it sat there looking like it was doing something but was actually achieving nothing. To be honest I think the damned laptop put 1% of its processing powers in to showing me an animated graphic of an egg timer and spent the other 99% of its capabilities looking at high res images of computer chips on the internet - Dirty little sod!

 Hence I felt that I was attempting a job with a tool that was seriously inadequate. I'm guessing that a large chunk of today will be spent doing the same

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* as in it is very powerful, never works properly and the instructions are in Italian

Glass half empty

Yesterday was one of those days when everything I touched seemed to turn to shit......

.... I needed to print out a couple of hard copies and, due to a complete melt down of the OS on the home PC, needed to install the home printer to my work laptop. "Ah" you say, "that should be pretty straightforward" and I would agree. All I should have needed to do is bung in the CD, click Yes and I Agree at the appropriate points and watch an animated file fly from one folder to another.

My hardware, however, had other ideas and it required three attempts and a re-boot before the printer appeared in the printer list and that pretty much set the scene for the rest of the day.

Every time I tried to do something I was either interrupted or required to complete a number of pre-requisites before I could do what needed to be done. The net result was a somewhat jaded individual.

From this morning's viewpoint I know that I actually did quite well. I got a project review arranged for next week. I got clarity on how to run that review thanks to Golfy. I also managed to coax the home PC in to life with a bit of patience, a straightened paper clip and a massive pile of data CDs so there is no need to go out and procure a new PC for TP to do his homework on.

So, all in all, it was reasonably successful - it just felt like a crappy day.

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Other Stuff:
Marauder's Kennel Club Registration document finally arrived. It has taken the best part of a year to acquire this piece of paper as the Breeder decided that Marauder should be registered with an clause preventing any of her progeny from being registered. Even though we have no plans to breed from M we were quite miffed at this and requested its removal. Although the Breeder was willing to do so it has taken many letters and 'phone calls to get it sorted due to the fact that the Kennel Club point blank refused to liaise with the Breeder. This is in spite of the Breeder being quite happy for them to do so.

There is, of course,  a footnote because it is Marauder. Typically her poncy registered name is misspelt but, after dealing with the KC, I'm not going to go through the rigmarole of a name change.

Caution !

This Journal entry contains brief nudity and adult themes and may be upsetting for younger viewers.

Let me set the scene. It is half past ten and I have retired to bed to watch the News. 30% has wandered downstairs "au naturelle" for some undisclosed reason.

Whilst watching the news I pondered that being a Dictator must be really hard work if, in the past 40 years, Colonel Gaddafi couldn't find the time to promote himself further up the army ranking system. Whilst musing on how much time suppressing political opposition takes up I heard 30% shouting at Tyson downstairs. This is unusual as 30%'s general conversation with Tyson goes along the lines of "Who's my best girl".

The shouting continued so I hauled my arse out of bed - look away now, really there is nothing for you to see here - and stumbled down the stairs.

In the Hall I find Eddy, Tyson, Marauder and a half naked 30% all scurrying round excitedly. I make discrete enquiries and am advised that Tyson has just eaten a live mouse. I am suitably shocked at this and say "good, saves me catching the bugger" and am about to retire to bed when I am instructed to check Tyson's jaws ......

..... I assume for shreds of mouse stuck between the teeth - so difficult to remove, and who wants mouse breath next morning?

While I am doing this 30% kindly locates the still living mouse scampering round the floor. There follows an amusing naked romp involving the removal of dogs and cat, gathering of boxes and capture of misplaced rodent vermin.

I really need to talk to both the sodding cat and Tyson. They need to be taught not to play with their food as the end result is that I missed the weather and I do so like to comment on what Shefali Oza wears on the Midlands Weather forecast. Christ that woman needs a new wardrobe and don't get me started on Genelle Aldred!

Hedgerow Salad

The weather today is miserable. It is cool. It is damp. It is grey and dreary. It is not even worthy of being called weather. It is sort of what you would imagine would happen if someone switched off the weather or it defaulted to a limp home mode. I don't like it when it is like this. I would rather that it was pissing down with rain or hurling hail down on the ground than this insipid, damp, lack of meteorological action. I suppose I just like "weather with balls;" pouring rain, blazing sun, a gale anything but this.

Work has been similarly insipid. Nothing significant to do, just lots of irritating things that need to be kicked off or completed before the chaos starts in a week or so. I'll be back out in Boston in a couple of weeks time trying to get sufficient information so that our fag packet number is good enough to put in a contract.*

This afternoon I reluctantly grabbed coat, hat and the usual dog walking ephemera and set off with T&M round the Three Miler. I enjoy the walk and the opportunity to get away from the desk but the weather hardly made it the most enjoyable of rambles. T&M, of course, thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it and now have a new delicacy to add to their foraged snacks. For the past few weeks they have had pretty poor fare and have been subsisting on the odd road apple that they come across. There was a week of bounty when one of the local farmers was muck spreading and the roads were littered with extract of cow shed. The dogs were as happy as pigs in shit that week. That was pretty much how they smelt that week too.

This week however the Goosegrass (Galium aparine) has started to shoot and T&M absolutely love it. They charge from patch to patch nibbling away and seem to select it in preference to the other greenery. I noticed this last year too. I can only encourage them as the damned stuff will be a nightmare later on when it starts to seed and their coats are filled with the wretched stuff.

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* ooh look, Gloucester Old Spots coming in low from the South West. Their hams look beautiful silhouetted against the setting sun

Other stuff:
Chippy Ian rang back with the quotes and they are pretty close to what I had estimated. He has been booked for next Monday to start on the first of the jobs, the floor to ceiling linen cupboard on the Landing.

From Lazy to Bone Idle

With TP away falling down hills in Austria there is no Rugby training or games to fit in to my Sunday morning.

As a consequence no alarms were set and 30% and I further practice the art of the line-in. Eventually caffeine withdrawal got the better of 30% and she was first out of bed. I was roused with a double espresso at an especially civilised 9.15. The icing on the cake was that she had also let out the chickens so there was nothing to drag me from my pit.

The rest of the day involved me putting considerable effort in to "pottering". I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I have finally reached a pottering age but have also discovered that it is a euphemism for doing sod all but looking incredibly busy at the same time. This is therefore an art worth perfecting.

This evening saw a trip over to Warwick Arts Centre to see Radio 4's "I'm sorry I haven't a clue" stalwart Jeremy Hardy live on stage. He was dry, sharp and very witty with a stream of slightly edgy left wing intellectual conciousness that was very entertaining. It was difficult to pick out any material as a highlight but he was in the middle of a Middle Aged rant about Americanism where he came up with .....

......  "It's not I'm Good, it's Mustn't Grumble" . As it says "You probably had to be there"

Lazy Day

30% and I have had a very easy time of it today. We lay in until gone nine and, after a leisurely breakfast, popped in to Worcester for a wander round the shops. The weather today has been miserable which means that the sanding of doors in TP's recently decorated room is still on hold.

Perhaps it is for the best as we have both had a manic week so a lazy day is just what the Doctor ordered.

A welcome interruption at lunchtime was a text from TP to let us know that he had arrived in Austria.

The afternoon saw me drag a basket of logs in from the pile and take T&M out for a walk. The log burner was coaxed in to life on my return and I found that The Dam Busters was showing on HD so my afternoon was sorted.

The Mad Bat & Dickie are popping round this evening for a few drinks and a catch up. The Mad Bat's has had a particularly harrowing time recently so, understandably, it has been a good while since we last met up. It will be great to see them both and relax and chat in front of the fire.

Phew, I think I got away with it.

Today was deadline day at work. All week I have been updating numbers that needed to be passed to my American colleagues this evening. It was debatable whether I needed to have these numbers approved or not but, being the "new guy" I thought I had better get a Green Light.

I had a brief approval call and despite understandable concerns was allowed to proceed. This should be a cause for celebration but the further we progress the more the common concern is that it will end in tears. That is what can happen when Big Guns say "make it so".

Away from work my Dad popped round for coffee this morning and we spent half an hour catching up on each other's News. He asked if I was still writing the Blog and mentioned a tale that I might like to jot down. It concerns my Grandfather and Dad felt that it would sit well in the Journal.......

When my Dad was a boy the family home was very close to the local railway stations, note Stations plural it was GWR and LMS in those days. Instead of buying coal by the sack from the local Coal Merchant, Grand Dad would take his pick-up truck down to the Goods Yard and buy his coal loose there.  It was all above board and the process was that the pick-up would be weighed empty at the Goods Yard weighbridge. It would then be filled with coal and weighed again. A quick subtraction and Grand Dad was billed for the load of coal.....

.... "OK" I hear you saying "but it isn't the most interesting of tales". And I would agree if it wasn't for the fact that in those days the family dog was an enormous Springer Spaniel called Sam. Sam was massive for his breed and was probably about half a hundredweight if he was weighed. I appreciate that that is in "old money" and it translates to 56 lbs or about 25 Kilos in more modern coinage. Dad and Sam used to accompany Grand Dad when he used to buy coal but only Dad and Grand Dad used to get out of the truck when it was first weighed. This meant that the "empty weight" included 25 lbs of dog.

When the loaded truck was weighed everyone including Sam got out and Grand Father got 25 lbs of coal for nothing.

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 Other Stuff:
TP set off for his skiing trip to Austria today. as I look at the Dishwasher and the pile of recycling that needs taking out I think "God I miss him already"

Cold Cuts for Supper ?

Yesterday I was having a status review when I was asked to comment on a candidate's suitability for a role. It was all very off hand and an informal request.

I thought back fondly to when this candidate used to be a Task Manager for me and replied rather formally "I didn't feel able to comment on their suitability for the role". The Reviewer laughed and commented that I need not say any more.

As I said in the title, I think it is cold cuts for supper.

Progress.Part 2

The important things first; another egg was laid today. A Minorca egg this time which suggest that the day length has reached that critical point and the flock is about to start laying with a vengeance. To the non Hen savvy out there I suppose I had better point out how I know who lays what. My birds all run together as a single flock but each breed of chicken lays a different coloured egg. The Minorcas lay white eggs, the Marans deep chocolate brown, the Sussex pink tinted egg and the Araucanas actually lay a pale blue one. The combs and wattles also turn a deep red as the girls come in to lay so it is fairly easy to see who is earning their keep - even if their pay is chicken feed.

On the dog front Marauder encountered a couple of new Border Collies without barking today, although she did produce a few rumbles and grumbles later on the walk. Still this is an improvement on how she has been so hopefully she is finally calming down and becoming less nervous of other dogs.

On the work front I have managed to consolidate my costings and just need to discuss them with an Exec tomorrow before I get the thumbs up to pass them over to my US colleagues. I did learn today that when one of my colleagues says "yes, that seems a reasonable approach" what they actually mean is something very different when you ask them to put pen to paper. As they say - it is all part of the learning experience.

Back at the Pile, TP is off to Austria skiing with the school tomorrow so we are busy making sure that he is packed and ready to go. Earlier in the week he informed me that he is doing a project on The Middle Ages at school. Nowadays it is all "multi-discipline" and a project will cover many subjects including Science, History and Technology. I therefore helpfully suggested that he should train monkeys to Joust using cats as mounts and buy some leprosy bacteria culture (Mycobacterium leprae) off e-Bay and see if he could surreptitiously infect his form Tutor for that authentic  Medieval Beggar look *......


.... What do you mean "I'm not helping"

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* I thought innovation in a project was a good thing, as is going the "extra mile"

Picture Post. No. 4

Most of my day has been spent number crunching and the hours I wasn't doing that were spent walking T&M or packing TP's case for his skiing trip.

A consequence of this lack of news is that it is probably best if I go with a Picture Post rather than trying to make cramming salopettes in to a case sound interesting. Believe me I wouldn't even attempt to make consolidating cost estimates even slightly appealing.

Double Rainbow Loch Glencoul, Scotland. Aug 2009

This double rainbow was taken during our 2009 Summer Holiday in North West Scotland. It was taken from the window of the chalet which overlooked Loch Glencoul near Kylescu. It is an amazing place; remote beautiful and wild. The loch is home to seals and sea otters, although we only saw the former while we were there.

At low tide TP and I would wander down to the loch shore and collect wild mussels. After a quick scrub to remove the barnacles and weed 30% would cook them in a pan with white wine, shallots and garlic and serve them with a cream sauce. They were amazing and one evening TP actually found a small pearl in one of them.

Progress

Progress: making head way, moving forward, developing .....

...... Hmmm, probably far to early to tell.

I took Marauder to Dog Training last night and, for the first time in months, she was relatively calm whilst waiting to go in. There was no nervous barking, just friendly sniffing of her class mates. I also noticed while we were walking today that she didn't bark when we met Dave and his Welsh Terrier Grace. Is she making progress? Hmmm - probably far to early to tell.

I let the chickens out this morning and found that one of the Light Sussex had laid an egg. I have mentioned before that the hens are an aged bunch that only lay when the sun shines. We had a few eggs back in January when it snowed and I wondered at the time whether the light reflecting off the snow was enough to stimulate one of the Minorcas to lay. I may have had something there as it was very early in the year and the supply soon dried up again. It is getting to the point in the year when they should start to lay like crazy. They are certainly ploughing through the food at the moment and it would be nice if the relationship was a little more of a two way street.

On the work front...... actually "Bollocks" to the work front. Most of my team seem to think that I am there to apply the proverbial toilet paper. On a number of occasions today they have chucked crap over the wall and expected me to just live with it. To continue with the metaphor, since my hands were already dirty and full, I just threw it back at them and politely asked them to sort out their own problems rather than pass them to me. I have sat goggled eyed incorporating their outputs in to a costing tool for most of the day and can report that the tool is pretty lacklustre too. I have therefore signed off and called it a day.

Head Down

Today has pretty much passed me by. I managed to get out for a walk mid afternoon but other than that I has been sat on front of a laptop or with a phone glued to my ear.

I have to update a set of costs by the end of the week and am consequently chasing round to ensure that the right people are available and understand what to do. So far, so good but it is only Monday evening. I would suggest that we monitor the levels of expletives in the Journal as the week progresses.

Outside of work it was St Valentine's day and I was rewarded with a fantastic Monkey Card and a pair of tickets to see Dolly Parton when she tours in September. As 30% put it "a trip to see the Grand Tetons"*. This was a very appropriate cryptic clue considering our planned August road trip to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons National Parks.

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* Translate it via Google if you must

Rain Stopped Play

The plan for today was that 30% would take TP to Rugby Practice. She had volunteered to assist with the fund raising car wash at the Rugby Club. Having seen the state of her car, whichever poor devil got to wash that had definitely pulled the short straw. It was, to use the popular vernacular, minging.

I had planned to stay back at The Pile and sand the doors in TP's newly decorated bedroom.  This task was originally in the scope of the decorating work recently undertaken by Andy & Steve but they cocked up their estimates and didn't have enough time. So I now have a freshly painted room and two stripped, pine, ledge and brace doors to sand. Obviously I didn't want to fill a freshly painted room with dust so the plan was to drop them off their hinges and sand them outside on a couple of saw horses.....

....... as I said "that was the plan" until I checked the weather and saw that it was going to be drizzle followed by rain. Ho Hum, so I went with Plan B and put a coat of emulsion on the walls and ceiling in TP's bathroom.

Actually that was Plan C. Plan B was to place my arse on the sofa and watch a recording of yesterday's Rugby International. I know that there will be shouts of hypocrite following my piece on not getting the point of Sky + but the fact that I already knew the score and therefore painted the bathroom sort of reinforces the point I was trying to make; that most television isn't worth recording and, whilst TV ranges from an informative medium to an entertaining diversion, real life generally has the edge.

30% and TP returned shortly after midday and reported that the car washing had also been postponed due to the inclement weather. This means that the Seat is still crud encrusted and I am beginning to think that Thursday's break down was some form of protest. I am wondering if the lawn mower has been agitating again.

After Lunch Ian the Chippy and wife Debbie called round and we had a good natter and talked through the bits and pieces we wanted doing. They are a really nice couple and easy company and it will be great to have him involved in the next phase of the project.

The remainder of the afternoon was filled with a soggy walk round the Three Miler and then a quick bath for T&M.

The sun came out and 30% and I got busy today.

TP was spending the day with his Mum so it was a quick trip to Tesco, Lunch and then a list of chores. The new light and switch were installed in TPs bathroom and, after the dogs were walked, the bathroom cabinet was put on the wall.

Floors were scrubbed and swept and the debris that accumulates during the week was cleared away. Nothing exciting just a long list of domestic duties but a sense of satisfaction at the end of the day that The Pile looks a little more "together".

Over the past few months we have been more focussed on the renovations and we have a Chippy coming over tomorrow to quote for a few tasks including a fitted wardrobe in our Bedroom and a cupboard on the Landing.

He is a very capable Carpenter and General Builder and was part of the Team that built the extension back in 2007/08. Due to the age of the Property and it's consequent irregularity he built the roof by hand on site. There were no pre built roof trusses to be craned in to place and each length of wood was individually cut to fit. He also laid the oak floor on the Landing so we know that his carpentry repertoire runs from structural to decorative.

 All we need to do now is "get our ducks in a row" so that Andy and Steve have replaced the Bedroom ceiling before Ian is ready to come in a build the wardrobe.

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Other Stuff:

30%'s car came back from the local workshop. They had run a diagnostic test and no faults had come up and the damned thing started when they got it back to the workshop. It was fortunate that they tried to start it when they picked it up from home and it resolutely refused to fire up, otherwise we would have looked like a right pair of idiots. The fuel system has been checked and the filters replaced but nothing significant has come to light. It may have been contaminated fuel but they cannot be sure.  The Mechanic had come across this before in an Audi with the same engine and no cause could ever be identified. The engine type is normally very reliable so it is a case of fingers crossed that this is a "one off". Their advice was to join the AA and it if started to play up consider it time to get a replacement vehicle.

Work has started to ramp up as our prospective client has decided that they quite like the proposal that we have presented and we are through to the next stage. There will now be many weeks of discussion, debate and development of "numbers" hopefully followed by a similar amount of time devoted to Contractual debate before pen is put to paper.

Roller Coasters are for pussies .....

..... pass me the cream bowl.

Early yesterday evening 30% and I popped out to see a Blacksmith at his Forge over the other side of Droitwich. He was a nice guy and the iron curtain poles were just what we wanted so an order was placed for a couple of the bedrooms and the landing. We then returned to the car and drove off. Within 300 yards 30%'s car stalled in the middle of a country lane and refused to start.

Not what you want to see down a dark country lane

When I say Country Lane I mean COUNTRY LANE it was narrow with high banks and hedges either side."Ah" you are thinking "Banjo Country, stuck in the middle of nowhere"  - "No" this lane was like the M1. Within is a couple of minutes we had cars behind us and a truck in front. So there we were blocking a country lane in the dark.

I got out to explain our predicament to the truck driver. He was understanding and said he would reverse back. As we were talking a Traveller Gentleman in a small flat bed wagon asked if I wanted a tow out of the lane on to the main road. We gratefully accepted and within a few minutes were attached to his wagon by about 12' of rope - make a note of this as it becomes relevant later on.

So off we went at a fairly sedate 20 miles per hour down the lane. Mind you 20 mph down a narrow lane is bad enough add in that I am 12' from the back of a truck with no power steering and no brake servos and, lets say, it demanded a high degree of concentration.

At the end of the lane we stopped and my new Traveller friend came to untie us. He asked where we were from and we told him. He was unfamiliar with the village but was going to Redditch which was a damned site nearer civilisation than we were at present. He offered to tow us and we gratefully accepted. Thus began the ride of a lifetime.

If you have never been towed before let me tell you that it is not fun. It demands absolute concentration in a vehicle which handles like an absolute pig due to the lack of power assistance to steering and breaks. Remember I was 12' from the back of a truck and could see nothing so could only concentrate on his brake lights with my foot hovering over the centre pedal. It was dark and the route took us around the edge of Bromsgrove and down a dual carriage way. Roundabouts, drizzle and the end of the rush hour summed up the conditions. I wasn't having fun.

I hoped things would be better when we got on to the dual carriage way but my Traveller Buddy seemed to think that 50 mph was a suitable towing speed. So there we were, 12' from the back of a truck at 50 mph in the dark. Every cell of my body was screaming hit the brakes but I could do nothing but go along for the ride. You will not believe the sense of relief when we finally drew to a halt in Redditch.

As I said in the title Roller Coasters are for pussies, pay a Gippo £30 to tow you 16 miles along a blend of country lanes, suburban roundabouts and fast dual carriage ways if you really want to get your heart pumping and a real sense of danger.

Epilogue

A quick call to 30%'s younger brother got us a lift home and then Dickie and I went out with the Defender to tow the car at a far more sedate pace back home.

Marauder's Bumper Book of Crimes. No. 6 in an occasional series

It has been noted that Marauder has been coming in from the garden with muddy paws, much muddier than usual.

Investigations have discovered a large hole has been excavated at the edge of the lawn near the chicken coop.

Marauder is asking that six similar offences be "taken in to consideration" after consultation with the cat's brief.

At the end of the walk

As we were nearing the end of our walk this afternoon a Buzzard lifted up from a paddock maybe 20 or 30 yards away. I watched as it slowly gained a little height and then headed off alternating between shallow glides and stiff wing beats.

It then dived and alighted in a tree about 200 yards away where the Bridle Path meets the field where TP sledges when it snows. It was a lovely few moments and, thinking it was finished, I turned to continue my walk.

As I adjusted my heading another Buzzard caught my eye coming in low from the North East. It too flapped and swooped then settled in the same tree, perhaps a pair.

Let's call it a draw

This morning I wandered down stairs to find Eddy with a mouse sat between his paws.

He looked up and in the manner of a true psychopath his expression changed, in an instant, from one intent on dissection and murder to one of pure innocence."He was lost and I was just giving him directions" was Eddy's response to my knowing look.

I collected up a small cardboard box and torch and in a couple of minutes the mouse was safely caught. It seemed intact and was soon released in the garden. All in all it was a rare comeback from the rodent team against some serious opposition. One all!