Finishing things ... and starting things

The weather today was quite astonishing. Yesterday I had to hold on to my hat as I climbed the hill to stop the wind blowing it clean away. The skies were grey and it felt cold and damp. Today is the complete opposite; the skies are blue and I wish I had left my fleece at home as the temperature climbed in to the high teens.

There are no work tales today as my plan is to now have a very gentle second half to the week. There is still a final, tedious task to be done but it is a one man job and I, fortunately, am not that man. All being well Friday will be a very early finish.

I finally got around to finishing off the bacon that I started curing a few weeks back.  It had spent the past two weeks wrapped in muslin and hanging from the rafters in the garage. There was no specific reason for this. It was just that I needed somewhere cool to keep it while I was occupied by work and our holiday in Wales. The belly joint has now been sliced and I have just over two pounds of Streaky Bacon to freeze. The cured cheeks have been cubed and these produced nearly three pounds of lardons. Most of these have been batched, packed and frozen but I held back half a pound and made Spaghetti Carbonara for Supper this evening. This culinary effort was judged a success by TP and 30%* and I must admit I was quite pleased with it myself.

I also need to give warning of a possible rant about Canon in the near future. After a week away in Wales with the EOS Rebel T2i that I bought in the States last year I can confirm that it is most definitely not right.  On occasions the mirror will lock up when taking a shot and this can only be rectified by turning it off, removing the battery and then replacing and turning it back on. It also doesn't seem to like being used in a "portrait" mode and has a tendency to do nothing but tell me to replace the battery pack. I rang the Canon Customer Service Desk to lodge a warranty claim and they advised that I need to send it back to the US as that is where I bought the camera. I pointed out that they were a global company and that was not acceptable adding that the only reason I bought the camera out there was because my EOS 350D's shutter failed on the first day of my holiday. They chap on the Service Desk took pity and raised a ticket and I now need to wait to see if Canon UK will take pity on me and repair the faulty camera...

... I found it quite ironic that I was being told that I needed to progress this with Canon in the US rather than the UK when Canon UK uses a Dutch Service Desk. It seems to support my view that they are a Global Organisation and should operate as one. Rant not yet started.

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* 30% did have an ulterior motive in getting me to cook supper as she knew it would prompt me to replace the blown light bulb over the cooker.

And Relax

The title of this Journal entry would more normally be seen heralding the weekend but it seems appropriate for today too.

As may be guessed, the Review Call went quite well and I have been given a green light to send my materials and costs over to the US to be built in to a Global response for the client. I did think the Senior Daemon's comments about lacking a unique selling point were a little churlish in view of the fact that a) my scope was incredibly restricted and b) the Americans dictate the overall design. Never mind, at least he said "Yes".

All I need to do now are some housekeeping duties and get everything sent out to The States. The pressure is obviously considerably reduced and I can, as the title states, relax a little. I found time this afternoon to step away from the desk and take T&M for their first walk around the Three Miler since returning from Wales last week. I also finished work at a civilised hour and was able to fall in to a persistent vegetative state on the sofa until bed beckoned and sleep followed rapidly after the News at Ten.

Pre-match Jitters

Today is the day before my Project Review call with the Vice President of our Organisation. He is a very senior Daemon indeed and it is he that gives the ultimate thumbs up before I can package my deliverables and send them over to my American colleagues. As a consequence much of today has been spent tweaking my Presentation Deck and chasing up fragments of information just in case a tricky question is asked.

I have done a few of these review calls now and I can honestly say that they get better as you do more of them but I am most definitely not at all comfortable with them. It is fair to say that I just want to leap forward fifteen or sixteen hours and get this damned call out of the way.

I recall the first review I presented where the pre-call adrenaline had me jumping around like a maniac and I can definitely confirm that they don't call it a "fight or flight" reflex for nothing.  I suppose just wanting to get it out of the way is a definite improvement and I wonder how many more I need to do before a) the stress does me in or b) I see it on the same level of annoyance as taking the wheelie bin out in the rain.

As a diversion I did end up pouring oil on waters that had been troubled by Judge Dread. He had managed to totally alienate a European colleague from whom he required an approval. As a result I had to step in, get a call arranged, provide a slide deck and then host the call as JD felt that it was best if he kept quiet ...

... it's not like I had anything else to do!

As I make this Journal entry I know that everything is as it is. There is no time to make any further changes. I just hope that I have done enough and there are no glaring errors.

Roll on eleven o'clock tomorrow morning.

Chiefs & Indians

Monday involved a trip to the nearest Circle of Hell to perform a Hand Back with Tigger. Most of the day was spent in a windowless room staring at a PowerPoint Presentation projected on to one of the walls. Tigger had done a fine job of keeping the ship on a steady course and all being well we should be in to Port some time on Wednesday.

That is not to say that there aren't a few last minute activities that need to be completed and tomorrow's agenda seems to be mostly chasing for stuff that should have been completed a good few days back.11th Hour changes are common place in this job which means that we are all kept on our toes right until the very last minute.

This is why I was somewhat miffed to find that Judge Dread had managed to annoy one of his European colleagues to the point of them declining to discuss an issue any further and I was being dragged in to sort out his problems...

... talk about spilling milk and then just wandering off!

By five o'clock my head refused to take in any more information and it was time for home. TP had completed his first day of work experience at a local Engineering firm and was almost* vociferous in recounting tales of his first day at work. 30%, like me, had returned to work after a week away and had a mountain of unread mails in her in-box. I'm not sure what she did with hers but I just filed mine and relied on Tigger to point out the nasty ones.

The title of today's entry comes from the saying "Too many Chiefs and not enough Indians". There were times today when four of us deliberating over a problem tended to make it bigger rather than solve it faster. It was so much easier on the last project when it was just Tigger and Pooh bumbling along, each knowing the best time to stop for lunch and elevenses, twelvses and threeses and who was best at sharpening the sticks or counting all the numbers...

...Happy Days, I really miss the old team. In fact I think I may demand a return to the Hundred Acre Wood if the client wants us to take our wet finger out of the air, dry it and do stuff properly.

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* ALMOST. He is 15 and usually manages a grunt at best. In this instance almost vociferous means a limited number of complete sentences

Weekend Round Up

It is Sunday evening and I am finally at home. The past 36 hours have been spent as "responsible adult" accompanying TP on his mini Rugby Tour. To be honest it was OK but, if I am even more honest, after a week away in Wales the last thing I wanted to do was to schlep down South in advance of what is going to be a hectic and critical week at work.

So let's start with Saturday; we drove down to Twickenham where we took a tour of the home of the English Rugby Team. This was vaguely interesting but was it worth driving the best part of 100 miles for? ...

... No, not really. I like watching the game but I am not so obsessed that I want to examine the venue. If we think about this in greater depth would athletics fans want to examine a 400m running track and do Formula 1 fans want to look at the pit lane and vacant garages? I am guessing that the hard core fans might but I most definitely do not fall in to that category.

After the tour we walked across to the Harlequins Ground to watch the evening match against the Worcester Warriors. This was a pleasant one mile walk during which the heavens opened and ensured that we were all thoroughly soaked. I then sat in a wet seat and watched a match where both teams were playing in mud-brown after a quarter of an hour. This meant that I was a) freezing cold and b) had problems identifying who had the ball. It was actually quite a good match but the near freezing temperature made a decent job of removing any enjoyment.

The match finished around half past seven and the car was a welcome shelter from the cold and wet as we then drove up to Didcot for our overnight stop. This was a cheap hotel and an average meal. Nothing to complain about but nothing to praise either.

Sunday dawned and we took a short drive over to Wallingford for the lad's match. I think it fair to say that the opposition were very, very good and TP's team did well to score a couple of Trys in the face of such opposition.

After the match it should then have been a simple drive up the M40 to get home but we then seemed to enter a low budget Horror Movie from the 1970s. For some reason Wallingford did not want us to leave...

... let me explain. First we needed diesel so used the Sat Nav to locate a Petrol Station. The nearest one was temporarily closed to received a fuel delivery, the next one the Sat Nav suggested didn't actually exist and the third one was inaccessible due to a Police road closure. Remember this it is important later one. We finally found fuel a few miles away and finally hit the "take me home" button on the Sat Nav.

There I was thinking "that is it, the Rugby Tour is finally over, in an hour or so I'll be home". How wrong was I? At every turn the Sat Nav insisted on taking us back to the road that had been closed by the Police. We tried several evasive manoeuvres but every time it kept taking up back to this bloody road block. I think it fair to say that I was not a Happy Bunny. I was tired and just wanted to be home but Wallingford was not playing fair. It seemed that the only road to the Motorway was blocked and we would be doomed to spend eternity circling a very middle-class Oxfordshire town.

Eventually TP managed to make sense of the map and we headed North. I am sure that I saw sinister dark figures in pursuit as we sped away towards Oxford.

Revolving Doors

We're home again after our week in Wales but in my case only briefly. Tomorrow TP* and I are off for the mini rugby tour ...

... I can hardly wait; a behind the scenes tour of Twickenham, a night in a cheap hotel with people who at best can be described as acquaintances and the lads will play on Sunday. I think it's fair to say I would rather be at home.

We returned home to a raucous greeting from Eddy who had stayed at home and been tended to by VI. 30% thought he was pleased to see us. I am much more fluent in feline and am pretty sure his miaowing was best translated as "turn the thermostat up, it's been bloody freezing in here".

There's not a lot more to say about today, just the regular unpacking and restocking that follows any trip away.

* TP is only just returned too from his skiing trip in Italy. Apparently is was great and no bones were broken. Well, none of his anyway.

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Knackered

The plan for this morning was to take a walk along Broughton Bay but some iffy signage, or lack thereof, meant that we actually ended up on the sands of Rhosilli Bay once again.

This was not a major issue and we all enjoyed the space and solitude at the far end of this fine beach.

After lunch we scrutinised the map and had another go at reaching Broughton Bay. This time we parked up in Cwm Ivy and after a walk across the dunes were soon walking towards Whiteford Sands. We had some unexpected entertainment as the RAF were practising bombing runs just across the water on the Cefn Sidan ranges.

By the end of the afternoon we were all shattered and even T&M lacked any enthusiasm for chasing a ball so it was back to the cottage for our last evening before we return home tomorrow.


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Coastal Views

This morning we wandered out of Pwll Du Bay and took the cliff path towards Caswell Bay. For virtually all of its mile and three quarter length the path hugs the cliff edge with precipitous drops to the sea below.

The views were splendid and Caswell Bay gave T&M an opportunity to chase after a ball and we treated ourselves to coffee and a cake at the cafe at the head of the bay.

After "elevenses" we returned the way we had came and lunched back at the cottage.

The afternoon saw us try the coastal path in the opposite direction. This was a much rougher track and after a steep climb up through the woods we were eventually rewarded with views across towards Three Cliffs Bay.

Aching calves and the threat of rain meant that the original plan to loop back through Bishopston Valley was curtailed and we cut back across Pwll Du head and were soon back home.

This evening the plan is to drive up to the village and try the menu at The Joiners Inn.


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Location:Pwll Du Bay

Bishopston Valley Walk

Today the Land Rover stayed parked up and we left Pwll Du Bay on foot.

Our route took us up through the woods of Bishopston Valley and after a couple of miles we arrived at the edge of the village. After another mile we were stood in front of the Valley Inn wondering if they were "dog friendly"...

... they were, and we were soon settled in the bar and doing our best to get on the outside of a couple of G&Ts and the Fisherman's Platter.

Refuelled we took the rough track back to the cottage that clings to the edge of the cliff.



The views of the bay are fantastic but the overcast skies are not great for photographs. Still, it would be churlish to complain about the weather as it is the middle of February and so far we have had no rain.

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Location:Gower Peninsula

Body Count

Marauder's holiday hobby seems to be the location of as many dead things as possible. The body count thus far is as follows:-

Seals (advanced state of decomposition) ... 2
Cat (also well rotted) ... 1
Bass (lacking eyes,presumably due to Gulls) ... 1

God knows what she will find tomorrow!


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Location:The Gower Peninsula

Another Day, Another Bay

Today saw us drive a few miles down the road and walk out and back across the two mile arc of Oxwich Bay.

It was another grey and cloudy day but the rain held off and we had a fine walk across the sands as the tide retreated.



A late lunch was taken at the Oxwich Hotel. They welcomed dogs and, after some initial fidgeting, T&M settled under the table with only occasional bribes to keep them quiet. This is their first ever venture inside a hostelry and I am amazed at how good they were.

Back at the cottage the log burner is lit and a quick walk across the bay is planned before we settle in for the evening.


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Location:Oxwich Bay

Marauder's Bumper Book of Crime. No. 10 in an occasional series

The tide was right in at Pwll Du this morning, with the waves washing against the mound of rounded cobbles that stands between the cottages and the bay.

The was hardly any beach to walk on so we climbed in to the Defender and drove over to Rhossili with its 3 mile arc of sandy bay.

Having parked up we clambered down the steep path to the bay and stood in the still cool air taking in the view under the grey cloudy sky ...

... Meanwhile Marauder found a decomposing seal carcass and proceeded to roll vigorously against it.

I'm guessing the is no chance of a pub lunch after our six mile walk but the need for a bath before she is allowed back in the cottage is an absolute certainty.


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Location:Rhossili Bay

Going Away

TP is away in Northern Italy skiing so 30% and I decided to take advantage of his absence and spend our 10th anniversary with T&M in a cottage in a secluded bay in South Wales.



The cottage is situated at the end of a rutted dirt track that winds its way down the side of a valley in to the bay and the final obstacle is a river to be forded before the destination is reached. Needless to say we took the Defender rather than 30%'s Seat.

So here I sit cosy beside the log burner with a glass of St Emilion feeling very relaxed. How different from 48 hours ago ...

... This break has been booked for weeks. As a result my request for leave was submitted weeks ago too. I flagged up the need for a stand-in at work verbally more than a month ago and my written request for support was dispatched a good three weeks ago. So why, dear reader, does it take my fuck-wit of a manager until Thursday to provide me with a name leaving a little over one working day to get them up to speed with a hundred million dollar project at a critical point in its design process...

... and why does he seem to do his best to avoid selecting Tigger who has a huge amount of valid experience and instead try to lumber me with an able chap who has no previous experience?

I could go on at length about requests for me and my supporting chap to cancel our leave and the failed commitment to provide resource on Tuesday and then on Wednesday...

... the man seems to have some perverse agenda that seems to make absolutely no sense whatsoever. To be honest he seems to be totally out of his depth. It is getting to the point where my colleagues and I are totally bemused.

But now I am going to put that arse out of my mind safe in the knowledge that somewhere common sense prevailed and Tigger is minding the shop.

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Location:The Gower Peninsula

Snowy Sunday

The two or three inches of snow that fell last night was already starting to melt when I ventured out to let out the chickens. There was still a decent layer but the temperatures were well above freezing and the white blanket already had a soggy, heavy texture that told of a rapid melt rather than a slow, lingering covering.

Rugby training had been understandably cancelled so the dogs were walked early. This gave the maximum amount of drying time before they were allowed in the lounge. TP also disappeared early for a sledging session with his mates at a nearby farm.

After lunch I spent a happy hour sorting out the Apple TV. I have finally finished ripping our video library and have over 300 titles sat on an external drive so you can imagine my frustration when the Apple TV periodically decides to forget my WEP password or simply refuses to integrate with my media library on the i-Mac. This is pretty unusual for Apple gear which is usually very good at this sort of thing and I am hoping that this re-configuration will put the connectivity problems to bed.

The rest of the day involved the Ireland vs Wales match, the packing of TP's case for his skiing trip, much sitting by the fire and plenty of TV watching...

... did I mention the analysis of QA Delegation conditions? Probably not!

My Good Deed for the Day?

I woke this morning with a nagging feeling that I had to get up for work. The relief as the mental fog cleared and I realised it was Saturday was enormous.

Today's  plans were not far off non-existent if I am to be totally honest. We had sort of agreed to pop over to the Rugby Club for a Pizza Evening combined with the Six Nations Calcutta Cup match on the TV in the Bar but, if I am truly honest, I don't think we were ever going to drag ourselves out particularly if the forecast snow arrived.

But I am getting ahead of myself;  after a leisurely start to the day a few flakes appeared on the wind and I put on hat and coat to walk T&M before it really started to snow. I was just about to leave the house when our local Community Support Officer appeared on the door step. He was following up on Thursday's call. Basically he was looking for our agreement for him to go and make contact with the miscreant and, in his own words, "go and give him an old-fashioned bollocking". We agreed and he disappeared with a glint in his eye. There is a bit of history between him and this family and I think he was quite looking forward to this opportunity to pay them a call.

The rest of the day was a fairly lazy Saturday. The dogs got walked. The bacon I have been preparing was removed from the cure, soaked, dried and wrapped and is now hanging from a couple of meat hooks in the kitchen.

In the early afternoon, the snow started and the fire got lit. As predicted, the trip to the club got written off and we settled in front of the fire to watch the rugby with the occasional wander to the window to see how deep the snow was...

... and that would be the end of today's entry if it wasn't for 30%'s concern about a motorist who had pulled in to the nearby lay-by. The driver's windscreen wipers had broken and she was understandably having difficulties driving in falling snow. It transpired that she only lived a few miles up the road so we chucked her and her belongings in the back of the Defender and took her on to her destination. That could be regarded as my good deed for the day but to be honest I do love a drive out in the snow and her misfortune gave us the perfect opportunity to get it off the drive.

We do like a snowy adventure in the Land Rover.

Well, I've made it to Friday

It's Friday and I appear to have fallen in to a pattern of twice weekly blogging or, as it is known in these parts, "Scobi's Trap". Apparently this is a very difficult thing to get out of as can be seen if you look at Golfy's Blog. Some may say that he may well be falling in to "Stretch's Abyss of Nothingness" but I know he will keep it together.

As it may be guessed by my lack of output, it has been a bit of a busy one and, for the past three days, once I have managed to extract myself from the laptop the last thing I wanted to was go back to it for recreational purposes*.  So here is my round up of the week. Incidentally don't you be looking for fun and excitement it is drudge and grind with a glimpse of Bad Man Senior's Dark Side on Friday.

Wednesday - He'll have us all in Gaol
Today's title refers to the chap in America who is leading the Global Project. Let's call him Cowboy Kevin. He is a real charmer until you spend a few minutes analysing what he does and doesn't say. He doesn't like to be questioned and if you raise a difficult issue he will talk over the top of you rather than let you explain the situation so that it can be understood and resolved. Basically he is an arrogant Fuck.

Also he doesn't appear to like my e-mails because he reads them and then refuses to answer them. Basically he doesn't like difficult questions and in this game you have to like dealing with difficult questions.

Well today he told us that our project scope would include being responsible for a range of services immediately after the Contract has been signed. ** There is a teensy, weensy issue with that approach and unfortunately I can't go in to too much detail here due to confidentiality but lets just say that his approach contravened a number of European laws and would have resulted in a number of quite senior Daemons at Dante's Nine Circles of Hell  being at risk of imprisonment.

The net result of this was a series of calls running in to the evening that put the US team back on the right track and, although they have not totally backed down, they now acknowledge that their approach will not work for Europe...

... Note to self: find a few minutes tomorrow to set out the European position and send it to Cowboy Kevin copying the great and the good and our Legal people.

Thursday - More Risky Business
Thursday involved a trip down to my nearest Circle of Hell to be trained in the use of our Risk Logging Tool. Up until now I have used a simple spreadsheet / e-mail combination for risk management but this is a Beast of a tool. A lot of people don't like it but, having had an introduction and started to enter in some of the serious risks on the latest escapade, I can advise that it is a bit of a slog to get them logged and that it takes a conscious effort to ensure that it is regularly updated but, in the long term, it will be well worth the effort...

... "look in the Tool" is far easier to type in response to an e-mail than a trawl around my mail archives to find the particular communication that a person wants to see.

The rest of the working day was spent in conference calls and meetings. The majority of these did nothing to move the Beast forward. In fact, the majority of these calls seemed to be to ensure that the team were up to speed .... Communication rather than Resolution.  I know that both are necessary but with the amount of time I have available I need to have far more resolution and communication needs to be concise and not repeated - SMIs Take Note!

Thursday evening saw me just want to vegetate in front of the fire. I did manage the fire element of that desire but vegetating was not going to happen. Instead I spent an hour or so chatting with a very nice Community Support Officer about some local Youths who now seem to be moving away from harmless pranks in to the realms of vandalism and assault.  I'm not sure where this will end up but I'm guessing that there is more going on than meets the eye.

Friday - Playing Games
The title actually relates to Bad Man senior rather than me.

Today BMS called round for lunch and a chat. If I am really honest I have so much work on that I really didn't have time but I could tell that he really wanted to get away from the house and so I made an early start and planned a later than normal Friday finish so that I could switch off the laptop for an hour or so in the middle of the day.

What actually happened was that I spend the first forty minutes of his visit with a 'phone glued to my ear and he was left to potter and chat to Tyson and Marauder***.

Right, the playing of games, let me explain; BMS is eighty later this year. Step Mum Sue will also be 60 and this year is also their 25th Wedding anniversary. Basically there is a need for a bit of a celebration in the Summer. Add to this that I have two sisters that I don't have any contact with and things get a bit sticky when it comes to Family Gatherings.

Now BMS fully understands the position of me and my sisters as he also has a sister he almost never has any contact with but he does occasionally like to stir things up ...

... Last Sunday the Sisters were at BMS's house for Lunch and the conversation turned to his upcoming Birthday celebrations. This was the point at which BMS pointed out that they could arrange what they liked but they had better ensure that bad man. 30% and TP were on the invitee list or he wouldn't be turning up.  Apparently there was, what is known in the trade as,  a tumble weed moment. This was only dissipated when Brother-in-law**** asked for another glass of wine.

Now BMS knows that there is so much distance (geographically and in outlook) between me and my sisters that it would be better for all of us if we did not attend but there are times when he does like to make my sisters squirm and feel very awkward ...

... it is rare that his manipulative side ever shows itself as he is a very straightforward man but it is quite amusing to see that he has put his two controlling daughters in an uncomfortable position. He knows that I will decline and there are likely to be a couple of events but he is the Patriarch after all and there are occasions when the Silver-back roars and the family group takes notice...

... as the saying goes; "You can choose your friends ..."

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* There is always a very high risk of an inadvertent peep at the in-box and that just results in swearing and another hour on a fruitless mission.
** The HUGE assumption there being that the Client will actually like our Proposal and sign up  to it
*** This involves them sitting adoringly at his feet while he feeds them digestive biscuits
**** BMS is not a huge fan of BiL. He would call him a parasite but doesn't want to offend the Tapeworm community

Tuesday's Child ...

... is obviously a lazy git who can't get his act together to write a Journal entry.

To be honest the past few days have been very busy and I have made a conscious effort to ensure that when I CAN get away from the Laptop I DO get away from the laptop. Well I have made a decision to avoid the optional two hour call this evening* and hence have a few minutes to bring the Journal up to date while TP and 30% catch up with Eastenders.

So lets get the weekend covered off ...

... Saturday started with an early walk with T&M. The soggy weather has meant that the lanes and paths are absolutely revolting at the moment and the dogs seem to have picked up a huge amount of filth in their coats. Consequently the dog bath was pulled out from alongside the garage and the two were given a thorough scrubbing on our return. The afternoon involved a trip over to Stratford for a few groceries. 30% and I were both pretty tired and if I am honest we both took the remainder of the day at a very leisurely pace.

Sunday was the usual Rugby fixture although this one was a midday kick off. The was a bit of a pain. The hours delay in the start had quite an impact and leaves just not enough time at either end of the day to do anything significant. Fortunately TP's team had an away win 12:0 but to be honest the game was scrappy and his team actually played better the previous week when they lost to a strong opposition.

As I said, the midday kick off meant that the game took the lion's share of the day and there was only just enough time for a walk with T&M in the late afternoon before the sun set.

Sunday evening saw me start the cure of the pork belly and cheeks. There is not a lot more to say on that subject. They'll be cured for 5 or 6 days and should be ready for smoking or eating by the end of the week. It is ages since I last smoked any meat and I am really tempted to have another go. It is just whether the work schedule will allow it.

Monday involved a trip in to the Office to link up with my colleague who is riding "shotgun" on the latest project. The day involved loads of calls and e-mail after e-mail clarifying requirements, stating assumptions and urging the monster forward. I was finally advised who will be "looking after the shop" while I am away on holiday in the middle of February and much of the evening was spent trying to revise the project plan to accommodate the monstrous review cycle and the limited availability of attendees who, like me, plan to take the half term off work.

Today has been much like Monday; a succession of calls and e-mails in an attempt to get sufficient understanding of the client's requirements to allow us to put some sensible costings together. It is a hard slog and I am starting to see the aggressive timescales in a positive way as it means that we will finish this sooner.

I'm too tired to rant about the more lacklustre members of the team and to be honest it had all been said before. I looked back at the Journal entry on Subject Matter Idiots and realised that the entry relates to one of my current team. It is fair to say that he hasn't really changed.

I can also report that my Idiot Manager has returned from his skiing holiday and was neither suffocated in an avalanche nor killed in a freak ski lift accident. This just goes to show that my streak of luck is probably running out. He is an absolute idiot as was proved when he stated that he couldn't see any point or benefit in combining two separate reviews where I would present exactly and I mean EXACTLY the same material. He also seemed to have a problem comprehending that they had been combined on a previous occasion.

Is it me?

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* There is a repeat tomorrow morning

It has been a bit of a week

Friday has arrived and I suppose I had better set myself down and recount the week's activities. Now I normally aim to write  a Journal entry five or six days out of seven but this week I have failed miserably. I cannot claim that I didn't have time because that just wasn't true. It was more the case that after an extended day in front of a laptop the last thing I really wanted to do was re-live it and condense it at the same laptop for the purposes of The Journal. So, lets have a look at the week ...

Tuesday: You want WHAT, by WHEN?


Tuesday was panning out quite nicely. I spent nearly all of the day herding and corralling my team to make sure that their end of week deliverable would be completed and all seemed fine with the world. There was still no sign of the detailed client requirements so we were still fannying around with an exercise to estimate some costs based on the little we know and the huge amount we have guessed.

It was about half past five and my Instant Messenger "pinged". I'll repeat that, "it was about half past five". That's it HALF PAST FIVE, Five Thirty .... The time when everyone I work with is finishing for the day, stepping away from their laptops and preparing to spend time with their families...

... Where was I, yes, the Instant Messenger pinged. It was my Idiot Manager's Lackey who asked me if I could pull a complete technical solution together in 24 hours and have it approved and ready for pricing by first thing Thursday morning. I can tell you that I responded with plenty of smiley faces and the "rolling on the floor laughing" one too as I had arranged a full day workshop on my current project and didn't have the bandwidth for this. I seriously though that The Lackey was taking the piss*

A quick phone call confirmed my suspicions this was no joke and he was quite serious. I was required to go from a state of zero knowledge to having a reasonable understanding of a project brief, gather a small team and get plenty of ticks in boxes by close of business tomorrow. Now I will admit that the project was simple in scope and the most significant piece of work had already been developed** but this was still one hell of a task and apparently it was felt that "I was the man to do it".

I'll just reiterate that it was half past five when I was passed this poison chalice which means that I had absolutely no chance of making any useful contacts that evening so instead spent a fun couple of hours clearing say all the stuff that I should have been doing tomorrow and writing some blunt emails to obtain the key individuals I would need to pull this thing together.

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* although I should have remembered that he is not one well known for a sense of humour.
** Try riding a bike with one wheel and no saddle to realise that sometimes you have to have the whole package

Wednesday: Put to the test

There is not much more I can say about Wednesday. It was the expected cycle of calls and conversations, persuasion and threats and smoke and mirrors. The great thing about Wednesday is that Golfy was recruited to, as he puts it so splendidly, "make up the numbers".

It was really refreshing to work together again, albeit briefly, as we get the job done but have a riot of a time in the process.  The chap I have working on my main project is a really nice guy and very competent but he just doesn't have the same pizzaz as Golfy so it is most definitely not Pooh & Tigger on the road again.

Anyway I digressed, back to Mission Impossible, five o'clock arrived and it was time for the final review call. I took the Main Man through the presentation and Tigger gave him the numbers. We finished and paused ...

... The Man from Del Monte' he say "Yes".

So I proved that it could be done and have now totally shot myself in the arse as the next time they need something done in no time at all it will be Muggins here who they ask. With the benefit of hindsight fucking it up and failing might have been a better plan.

As the working day came to a close I had little chance to bathe in the glory as a mail in my in-box indicated that the detailed project scope information had finally arrived for my main project and the timescales for response looked grim, VERY GRIM.

Wednesday Evening saw us wander down to the local pub to take part in The Burns Night Supper. I'm most definitely not a Scot and was pretty tired after the working day but I do love haggis and it is a community activity that, for some strange reason, I like to take part in.  It was a pleasant supper and we had out usual table with VI and his long suffering wife, Jules, TP, 30% and I.  We were all pretty tired and the little hand hadn't reached ten before we were home and thinking about bed.

Thursday: All over the place

To be honest yesterday's diversion totally threw me and I had real problems trying to get focussed on the principal project. There were occasional follow-on calls from the diversion and for most of the day I just flapped, totally daunted by the huge amount of information I was expected to absorb, simplify and disseminate to my team and the limited time we would have to pull this gargantuan beast together.

By the evening I had managed to re-gain my focus and had a first draft of a plan. Tomorrow would be spent getting the Juggernaut moving in the right direction.

Friday: Bad Parenting


After a week of Journal entries totally focussed on work this might seem like a strange change of tack but I will explain, albeit cryptically because you never know who might read this rubbish. Over the past few days  30% and I have been placed in a couple of situations where we have encountered some truly vile children. These are not children who come from underprivileged backgrounds or anything like that. These are children who just seem to have been brought up without guidance on what behaviour is acceptable and what is not. In one case it is because the parent doesn't have a clue and in the other it seems that it is because the parents don't give a damn.

In both cases it means that 30% and I have had exposure to these horrible children and are rapidly coming to the conclusion that bad parenting is probably a form of child abuse. I could go on but it is probably best that I do not. All I will say is that, after this morning's session with TP's head master he seems very keen to have a chat with the local Community Support Officer.

Back at work I started to get my Juggernaut moving and had surprisingly little resistance. I had the usual notes about planned absences but I expected these and was already escalating to get cover during the half term week when every man and his dog is on holiday. My old friend Michel in Luxembourg was his usual co-operative self and sent me an e-mail in broken English whining that there was no way he could do what needed to be done in the time allotted. Some things never change! I responded, carbon copying The Great and The Good, encouraging him to be positive and use his experience and skills to find a way forward blah, blah, blah. Basically there is no way I am putting up with that communist little shit and if he can't do the fucking job his Boss better find someone who can ... FAST.

All in all it has been a pretty good week, Thursday was a bit wobbly but I am back on track. I just have a terrible amount of reading to do this weekend.

Friday evening saw another change of tack as I put on my Butchers apron and spent some time packing a half pig that I had collected from Kathy H-R. I must admit I surprised myself with the boned, rolled shoulder that I created and I also have cheeks and a boned piece of belly for guanciale and pancetta.

Now where is my jar of cure?

Ticks in Boxes ...

... or probably more accurately "covering my arse".

This is the start of the week in which we pull together the first deliverable for our American colleagues. We have been asked to develop some "guesstimates"  and send them over The Pond at the end of the week. To be honest we know very little about the  project scope so everything is highly assumptive and therefore, by definition, wrong ...

... so, why are we doing this? Well taking the positives first it is forcing my European team to think about the task ahead and to forge links with their opposite numbers in the US. It also gives them something to do while we wait for details of the scope and stops them wandering off to do something else*.

If I take off the Rose Tinted Spectacles I am concerned that it will just give my US chums a stick to beat me with at a later date**.

This is a very artificial exercise that will go nowhere near the client and, as a consequence, I am not overly excited about our current activities. The lack of clarity does however create some very interesting questions about the feasibility and in some cases the legitimacy of our approach. I have therefore spent some of my time drafting some carefully worded communications to the Global Lead ensuring that he understands our position and in some cases requesting confirmation that he has completed certain "compliance" activities of his own. It's not that I don't trust him ...

... actually, it is!

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* They are like cats. They are difficult to herd and have a tendency to do what they like. As a consequence this is a dead mouse to keep them occupied until the hunt really starts ...
... Oh, and yes I reckon that some of them do spend their days licking their own bum holes.
** They have already developed their own estimate of my costs and I know that it will be way too low so when I come in with something developed locally they will moan like crazy.

Weekend Round Up

Have you ever had one of those days where you thought that a joint decision had been made to perform a certain activity but actually found out that this had been revised?

Well that accurately sums up Saturday...and yes, apparently  I was bloody informed of it at some vague point in the preceding ten days. Instead of making a serious attempt at finishing the stripping of the wallpaper and woodwork on the Stairs and Landing I found myself stood in freezing cattery for over an hour, talking absolute bollocks with some Nutter of a local who obviously hadn't had what she deemed a decent chat since Christmas. 30% had decided that we had to go out and inspect the aforementioned establishment to make sure that it was suitable to accommodate Noggin & Tog when we go away in February. It was fine as maximum security cat prisons go and they will have a miserable week there but will return pretty much as they arrived apart from hopefully being slightly more pleased to see us than usual. I had worked out that it was fine in about 5 minutes and 30% had arrived at the same decision in similar time frame so why the fuck did I have to stand there freezing my tits off listening to utter drivel for another 60 minutes.

This was followed by a trip over to Bad Man senior's house to collect Step Mum Sue's exercise bike*. There is no such thing as just "popping in" to my Dad's house for 5 minutes and this sortie took another hour and a half. By the time we got home it was most definitely a "late lunch" and we were well in to the afternoon before the dishwasher was stacked ...

... now I know that there was plenty of time to "make a start" on the decoration prep work but I didn't feel inclined to get started only to be forced to pack up a short while later and clear up a load of crap and dust. This is one of those jobs where you really want a full day at it, so I kicked my heels for the remainder of the afternoon sat in front of the 'Mac continuing with the DVD Library Project.

In Summary, Saturday did not live up to my expectations.

Sunday was filled by Rugby in the morning and Dog Clipping in the afternoon. These two activities may have been punctuated by a snooze on the sofa.

Down at the Rugby Club TP had a really good game against some strong opposition and, whilst his team did not win, they put on a very good show and came away with a creditable score. The afternoon saw me feeling absolutely knackered, hence the snooze, and to be honest the dog clipping was done simply to avoid accusations of slothfulness.

All in all this was not one of my most productive 48 hour period but I guess I can't expect every weekend to go according to plan.

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* This contraption is most definitely not for my benefit as the Tree Miler does a reasonable job at slowing** the rate of bad man waist expansion
** note "slowing" rather than "reducing"