Back to it

It's that time of year again ... the rugby season has started and I found myself "encouraging" TP out of bed, washing up* and running him over to the club for a practice session. It was then back home for a late breakfast with 30% and out in to the garden for a session with The Porn Mower ... Christ it must have been wet here last week. The grass wasn't particularly long but the ground was sodden. I found out from conversations later in the day that it had been much wetter here than the traditionally soggy Gower and that flood warnings and constant rain had been the meteorological theme in these parts.

After hacking the lawn in to submission it was time to pick up TP and lunch before I hit the Three Miler with T&M. I had barely started when I bumped in to Paul the Plumber, his partner and their two Labradors. This was a fortunate meeting and within a few minutes had him lined up to come and see about replacing the copper radiator piping with plastic in the Dining Room. ** That was job number one crossed off the to do list.

With the walk completed I had time for a quick gluteal inspection of the sofa before it was time to hit the shower as we were out for Sunday Dinner with Trish and family. It may have been an early dinner but that just gave us much more time to chat, review photos from Qatar and catch up with all the news. It was a lovely evening but bed was a welcome sight after what had developed in to a fairly busy day.

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* The bloody dishwasher has developed a leak
** On the subject of leaks, I don't fancy having one under an oak floor so the elderly, soldered copper is definitely being replaced with unjointed plastic

Home again

Saturday dawned sunny and bright and I took T&M for their last early morning walk along the tide line before we breakfasted, packed up the car and headed back towards Worcestershire. We have had a lovely week and have done very little other than eat, wander along the beach and read, sometimes that is exactly what you need and this was definitely one of those occasions ... a week of doing nothing.

30% and I really enjoy the sense of "convenient seclusion" at Pwll Du that is brought about by it's Pedestrian / 4WD only access. This means that despite the fact that it is only five miles or so from Mumbles it never has more than a score of visitors and often one has the beach entirely to oneself. I think there is a very strong chance that we shall visit again next February whilst TP is away skiing.

There were no particular high points to the week that need to be recorded here but it is definitely worth remembering that the rock pools around the edges of the bay are home to shrimps and these can be cooked in two minutes flat in a pan of boiling seawater. We only ate a few but they are very tasty fresh from the sea. This was definitely an appetiser that I would like to turn in to a main course if we visit again.

As we left I did my good deed for the day and provided Bob, our host, with a jump start. He had left this ignition of his Discovery on all night and needed to get to the top of the cliff to collect the scaffolding and Scaffolders for his next building project. He was going nowhere with a flat battery but I soon had him up and running.

So, after three hours we find ourselves at home with a large pile of laundry and three very attentive cats.  

Time to fuss them and slouch on the sofa, I think.

It's Elementary ...

Tuesday's itinerary included a morning walk out across the majestic sweep of Rhosilli Bay. TP and James flew their kite while 30% and I strolled and threw a ball for T&M. As we partook of a post perambulatory ice cream we noticed three grazing sheep each with a red mark on their back ...

... From this I deduced two interesting facts; firstly that these three had obviously been paintballing and we're members of the blue team, secondly and more alarming is the fact that there is a crack squad of ninja sheep out there going under the alias of red team!

It's Traditional

It's Bank Holiday Monday and true to form it rained all day. We all had a lazy day in and around the cottage apart from a brief trip in to Swansea to replace a dog lead that TP had managed to break the clip of on Saturday...

... He didn't even have the dogs at the time!

And ... Relax

I think it is fair to say that both 30% and I are slow to wind down but we are working hard to achieve a state of relaxation.

Sunday dawned bright and sunny and, after a leisurely breakfast, we left TP and friend James to swim in the surf while we wandered along the cliff path towards Caswell Bay. After forty minutes of walking we turned back as T & M would not be welcome on the beach. *

Back at Ship Cottage we lunched and the settled in for a snooze followed by my first foray in to the Kindle app on the iPad. TP and James managed to get themselves invited for a speed boat trip to the Marina in Swansea by the family staying in the other cottage in the bay.

The day finished with the boys attempting to fish from the rocks. Needless to say neither of them considered the rapidly setting sun and the clamber back over 100 yards of rocks in flip flops without a torch. They seemed quite surprised when I insisted on their return to the beach in the rapidly fading light...

... Bloody Kids!

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* No Dogs from May to September

We're off at last

After a busy working week it was fair to say that I was not packed and ready to set off for Pwll Du at the crack of dawn on Saturday. As a result we spent a good part of the morning doing the things most people would have ticked off their "to do" list a few days ago; bags were packed, cat and chicken minding was handed over to VI and TP's hair was trimmed ...

... By half past ten I was to be found sat on top of the Defender cramming luggage into the roof bag and imagining myself setting off on an expedition rather than a week away in Wales.

The drive down was uneventful and we were arrived and unpacking a little before three. All I need to do now is change down a few mental gear ratios and get in to doing nothing.

I'm glad that's over

It is Friday. It is my last day at work before I have two weeks of holiday to do what I please.* I really should be kicking back, setting my out-of-office and clock watching until it is time to knock off ...

... Let me assure you that there was absolutely no chance of that scenario ever encroaching on my reality.

Today started with an urgent call with my Security SMIs. These idiots had failed to get their deliverable approved and I held a rather menacing fifteens minute call where I made it perfectly clear that I didn't want to know what happened yesterday but was far more concerned about what they were going to do today to put matters right.

My threatening tones must have worked as I had the necessary tick in the box about twenty minutes later.

This improved my demeanour somewhat but there was no way I was going to start winding down until after I had got through the Solution Review call with the VP at midday...

... The call went really well and after thirty minutes he gave us the go ahead to release our costs to the Indians.

I then had the opportunity to check my in-box and noted that the aforementioned team had contacted me four minutes before that call telling me to defer the reviews until I had reviewed my costs and reduced them; preferably by around 60%! **

After five minutes of swearing I politely pointed out that it was too late to rework and they would need to give me direction on scope and baseline changes if the numbers were to be changed. I also advised that a new solution was an option but that would take a few weeks to develop IF we could get SMIs and this would be way too late for their stated target contract signature date.

They promptly replied telling me they wanted a complete new solution ready for the end of next week. In a separate mail they requested another smaller, contradictory solution by end of day next Monday.*** after I had finished laughing my arse off I forwarded the mails over to IM ...

... It's about time he earned his salary.

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* provided 30% agrees
** 6% might have been feasible but 60% suggests that the Lead Team don't have a sound grasp on reality.
*** that would be Bank Holiday Monday

Pulling it all together

It's not really surprising that I have missed a couple of Journal entries this week as work has been very busy. The principle activities have been ensuring that all of the necessary deliverables for a fixed price are available to send over to the Lead Team in India. The list includes finalising costs, multiple reviews and approvals and a Document of Understanding that ensures that the UK has its arse covered in the event of any nasty surprises.* It is fair to say that at the end of each day the last thing I wanted to do was write anything more.

Away from work the chap who bought the fireback on eBay was as good as his word and turned up on the doorstep on Wednesday evening to collect his purchase. Personally I wouldn't have selected a 5 Series BMW as my vehicle of choice for collecting a sooty, heavy, cast iron item but each to his own. We dissuaded him from attempting to put it on the roof bars** and watched him leave with it poking out of the back of his boot.

We also had an odd coincidence on Thursday evening ... a few days ago 30% mentioned that she wished we had hedgehogs in the garden and reminisced about the one that used to potter in her old garden and annoy her dog; Sell-by-date ... As I shut the door on the chicken coop I looked down and there in the run was a hedgehog presumably munching it's way through the huge number of slugs in the garden. I called 30% out to make the acquaintance of our newly discovered garden wildlife.

On Thursday TP returned from his trip to his Grandma's and was suitably impressed with the changes we had made to his bedroom on Saturday. To be honest neither of us had a chance to really catch up with each others' news as Chippy Ian called round this evening to give me the verdict on the Dining Room floor...

... after a quick examination his professional opinion is that it is not worth replacing the joists and that some carefully placed noggins will give the structure the integrity and stability necessary to support an oak floor. He is happy to do the work but I have a few preparatory activities to complete first. I need to get the local Plumber in to replace the radiator pipes with plastic as the last thing I want under a wooden floor is a leak. I need to get the structural timber and floorboards in to the room to acclimatise for a couple of weeks before Ian comes to lay them and I also need to source a slate hearth stone in order that he can install the new fireback too.

Sounds like a plan.

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* it runs to over twenty pages but can be neatly summed up as "India pays for everything as they are getting all the profit"
** any rain and it would have been a lovely shade of "rust orange" by the time he reached Salford

Winding Down, I Wish!

I am now well in to the final week before my holiday which is also the final week to get a set of costs completed, approved and issued to India. As a result the focus has been pretty much directed on work rather than packing and winding down.

Monday was spent pulling the loose end together to ensure all the requirements had been covered and today's major activity was our full solution review. It only took the morning as our deliverable is relatively straightforward and it went well. We seem to have covered all the points and no major gaps appeared. Our Delivery Reviewer sees us a Low Risk from a technical perspective so I am hoping for an easy ride when we present to the Senior Daemon on Friday.

I can report that IM has returned from his long weekend and managed to add his usual magic to the day by gently admonishing me for talking to his Boss when he was out of the office and demanding to be included in an activity when I had already ensured he was on carbon copy...  He is, and always will be, a twat.

The rest of the working day was spent with my Buddy on this deal reviewing rewriting an Agreement to ensure that Dante's in the UK do not get shafted by the Indians if this deal ever gets signed. I eventually got home at around half past six after ten long hours in the Office to be greeted by two very excited and newly clipped dogs ... T&M have had their holiday haircuts.

I was hoping for an evening of vegetation in front of the television but that was not to be as VI and his long suffering wife turned up on the doorstep. This was good in a bad way as we were able to arrange cat and chicken feeding duties while we are away but it meant that after a long day in the office talking to people I had to spend my evening delivering social niceties when I would have rather shut down all but basic brain functions.

Finishing School

At the back of the garage is a dusty chest of drawers; we have had it for years. 30% found it in a Charity Shop and bought it after inspection showed it to be a very well constructed piece of hardwood furniture.* At some point lost in the mists of time it spent at few days in a Stripper's tank and since it's return has sat in the garage neglected and gathering dust.

It is destined to reside in the spare bedroom but before it gets anywhere near the house it needs to be refinished. Today I finally got "medieval on it's arse" with a variety of sanders, planers and other power tools. It is years since it was stripped but for some strange reason the drawers never fit properly afterwards so considerable time was spent planing, sanding and tweaking to ensure they actually slide in and out of the carcass without the accompanying curse of "get in their you little bastard". Apparently an application of soap on the runners is the coup de grace to stubborn drawers. I promised I would try that after I had finished with the belt sander!

After several hours working through the abrasive grades I finally ended up with a silky, smooth finish on the piece and, after dusting down, applied a coat of Danish Oil to the carcass. It is going to look fabulous once it is finished.**

Today was also the finish of another eBay auction. I had been threatening to take the old fire back that I removed from the Dining Room to the local tip but was persuaded to offer it to the world via the Global Flea Market. I couldn't believe it when some loony a) paid £36 quid for it and b) is prepared to drive all the way down from Manchester to collect it. I'm guessing scrap iron prices must be high at the moment.

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* Satinwood, Edwardian
** two more coats of oil and then a wax polish

He's Off Again

Saturday started at a fairly leisurely rate but I was out of the door with T&M by nine thirty. I did say my goodbyes to TP before I left as he would be collected by his mum for a trip to his Grandma's before I would be back.

 Once back from the walk it was time to hitch the trailer to the Defender and make our way over to Dave the Stripper to pick up the book cases. He has done a super job and they are a perfect match for the ones we already have. While we were there 30% took a liking to mahogany, eight day, wall clock and I have to say that it would look lovely in the Dining Room but we have been on a bit of a spending spree recently and it can stay on Dave's wall unless the September windfall actually happens.*

 Once back home it was time for lunch followed by a huge amount of furniture rearrangement ...

... the running order went something like this ...

• TP's current bed was dismantled and reassembled in the spare bedroom
• TP's new bed was unpacked and assembled in his bedroom
• The smaller of the original bookcases was carried from the Study and installed in TP's bedroom
• The larger of the new bookcases was installed in the Study
• The smaller of the new bookcases was installed in the spare bedroom
• The exercise bike that 30% has never gone beyond looking at was removed to the front cellar

 This abbreviated list makes light of the fact that it was a very warm and very humid day and the peripheral activities and necessary trips up and down the stairs left 30% and I exhausted by supper time.

We managed a couple of movies and a compulsory episode of Family Guy before retiring to bed in a house that now almost  has a completed upstairs.

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* see here for origins

What a Tit!

This morning's team call was filled by the Drama Ugly Sister telling us all of his huge problems and how each and  every one of them was a potential show stopper. I had my doubts, if I needed this up and running in the next couple of months he might have a point but this solution will not be needed until next Summer and everything we need was always on the Technology road map ...

... it is not as if we were asking to keep pigs in a hen house and I think he creating a storm in a teacup. An urgently arranged called with SMEs* later proved that point. Fundamentally, if this prat had engaged earlier and spoke to the Indians and the Team that run our target infrastructure we would have had none of this unnecessary drama two working days before we are supposed to be compiling costs. As is says in the title; what a Tit!

The rest of the day went smoothly. The ultimate review call was arranged for next Friday and I actually found time to start pulling the worlds most ridiculous slide deck together for presentation at that call.

Away from work we actually managed to go out for Dinner at a local pub. We had driven past it every time we visit Worcester but had never mad e it through the doors. The reason behind our visit was that 30% had fed a colleagues cat and hamster while they we away on holiday and a gift token for this hostelry was her reward ...

... I WILL point out the amusing incident where 30% gave this woman a major slagging on Tuesday as she refused to speak or even make eye contact when encountered at work only to have to eat her words on Wednesday when she received the aforementioned thoughtful gift as a thank you for her kind efforts ...

... TP and I may have pulled her leg a little on this point.

The food was great and the pan fired trout with garlic crushed new potatoes and a beurre blanc sauce went down my throat at a fare rate of knots. The only reasons for our short stay was fatigue from the busy week coupled with the vicinity of a table with 20 seats bearing a number of balloons indicating a 40th Birthday Party was going to happen.

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* Note; SMEs not SMIs. 

SMIs or Monkeys. Which are best?

Did I really want to turn to this pristine, virtual page and start to write about Thursday 16th August? Did I really want to recount the tale of another day filled with calls and e-mails, pointless debates and the virtual arse wiping that certain of my colleagues expect me to perform?

To be honest; things are going reasonably well considering the tight timescale and the usual compliment of lacklustre Subject Matter Idiots. I am so glad that I have a few that actually appear to know what they are doing and are willing to grasp the simple concept of identifying an issue, determining an action to resolve that issue and then progressing that action to completion. It isn't rocket science.

I appear to have a couple of SMIs that are not so target focussed as I am. One seems to think that I am here to provide administrative support functions. I have already offered him Technical Support in view of his current lack of tooling skills but he is now coming across as a bit of a piss taker when he is asked me to chase for outstanding items and collate a slide deck. The last time I looked it did not say Secretarial Support at the bottom of my e-mails. The other SMI is a bit of a drama queen.* He really knows his stuff but every thing is a HUGE issue and his communications can be a little rushed so it is often not clear if he is progressing things or not and also whether the world is going to end or whether he has just chipped a nail. Part of the reason for him flapping is because Dante's diverted him to another project so he is two or three days behind everyone else and manically trying to catch up.** Today I finally managed to get some of his time and the call did not start well ...

... "Bad Man, I'm not sure that sending the Indians those documents was a good idea" ... I promptly responded that I found that statement somewhat fucking ironic as a) it was at his suggestion that I sent them and b) they were sent to determine whether a standard service met their needs because the he was too busy to engage with my work ...

... at least he had the interpersonal skills to realise just how fucked off I was and apologised tout suite.

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* Mind you, if you had seen his Instant Messenger photo you might more accurately  think of him as a Panto Ugly Sister.
** This is obviously neither good for him nor my project but Dante's has not yet mastered the allocation of staff to projects. My personal opinion of this failing is that it is due to a tight arse approach where a) they will not employ a slight surfeit of staff to deal with workload peaks and b) they pay well below average and we all know what peanuts buy you. ***
*** A couple of weeks ago Golfy and I did some analysis on the adage that if you pay peanuts you get monkeys. We assumed that people might want a huge amount of monkeys due to a poor comprehension of the thought experiment that an infinite amount of monkeys with typewriters will eventually deliver the Complete Works of Shakespeare. First things first; the mental image of a lot of monkeys with typewriters does bear a striking similarity to the view across Dante's open-plan offices. Putting that to one side, lets get back to the Monkeys. If you have an infinite amount of monkeys you are going to need a quantity of peanuts that is greater than infinity to keep them nourished. If an infinite amount of monkeys is tucking in to a pile of peanuts even greater than infinity, as sure as eggs are eggs, you are going to get a lot of monkey poo ...

... and you can bet your bottom dollar they are going to work out how to chuck their poo at you a long time before they get anywhere near "Signor Antonio, many a time and oft. In the Rialto you have rated me...

Therefore the moral of this story is that if you pay peanuts you are going to end up covered in crap.

A not so gentle Let Down

There is not a huge amount to report for today. It was mostly "head down and get on with" ... although that was after the early morning Inqury with IM ...

... Let me explain; a little more than a week ago I was asked to support a Business Development Team with some high level estimating. At the time I advised IM that I had plenty of other commitments but he glossed over this and asked told me to take on this piece too. As the days passed the Business Development Team flooded my inbox with e-mails and demonstrated that they expected far more from me than I would be able to provide in the measly time that had been allocated. In addition a dormant piece of work had raised it's head and was now demanding my full attention. I alerted IM to this workload issue and he sensibly suggested that I decline the Business Development Team meeting invitations and just get the estimate assembled using no more than the time originally allocated.

Either side of the weekend I managed to find time to review the raft of emails and my prognosis was bad in a good sort of way. There was plenty of information but very little was of use to me. Fundamentally there was nowhere near enough for me to develop their estimate without a considerable amount of work. I reported back to IM and advised him that I was proposing to go back to the team and politely let them down and direct their attention to a tool that they dislike and distrust but would give them something to present to the client. IM agreed with this and so, late on Tuesday evening, I crafted an e-mail to gently let down the BD Team ...

... I think it fair to say that they didn't take it well. As a result I had to spend a good thirty minutes explaining the minutiae of this activity and the reasons why I was unable to comply. To be fair to IM he was fully supportive of my position and felt that the BD Team were taking the piss ...

... BUT I don't trust IM as far as I could throw him and I wonder how supportive he would have been if I hadn't cleared my approach with him before I had backed off from this commitment.

Today's Lesson: If you are going to tell someone to Fuck Off make sure IM is in Agreement first. It is better to have one person on your back than two.

The Wanderer Returns

Putting aside work for a moment, TP arrived back home today after three weeks sunning himself in an Expat Compound in Qatar. The unfortunate thing was that work only really allowed me a moment to say hello and then I had to dive back in to the repeating conference calls and urgent e-mails that need to be handled if I am to stand any chance of kicking a solution out of the door by the middle of next week.

Eventually work quietened and I had the chance to walk the dogs and spend some time with TP and 30%. He had a fine time in Qatar and seemed to have spent much of his time in the pool. He sampled camel and reported back that it tasted a little like beef and he also returned with an Oud* and another stringed instrument played with a horsehair bow called a Rababah.

He will only be here for a few days before he disappears again, this time with his Mum to visit his Grandma. We are away to Wales at the end of next week and I may get to talk to him then.

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* a round backed, stringed instrument of the guitar family

Mobilisation

Today there was only ever going to be one priority at work. That was to chase up resources, get my team assembled and get them briefed as we only have somewhere between six and eight days to develop a solution and get the costs fired over to the Lead Team in India.

I must have done something right in the past because the Gods smiled and before midday I had the key players identified and they were hassling me for directions. Around lunchtime I held an impromptu briefing call and was reasonably pleased with the reception to the ludicrously short timescales. There was a certain individual that threw a few brickbats but his criticism was misdirected and I alternated between ignoring him and pointing out that an impromptu call was just that ... something that had been thrown together at short notice to meet an urgent need. I then went on to point out that the urgent need was to give an overview to the team and that I had already committed to providing him with the requirement information he kept saying he hadn't got. It is at times like this that I really would just like to deliver an old school "Why don't you just shut the fuck up and listen, You Prick".

To be fair he did advise that we needed clearance for our approach from an Architect but I personally feel that he mentioned this in the hope that we would stumble and fall. I took the action and set to as soon as the call closed down.

I eventually got linked up with the Architect late in the day and managed to pull in a few of the SMIs for the discussion. The Gods smiled again and he had no objections in principle to our plan to use his environment to deliver our service. I was expecting him to be precious about the integrity of his design and baulk at our proposal to start bolting on non-standard bits and pieces to his infrastructure but he was quite happy for us to go ahead.

All in all it was a successful day but I need this run of luck to continue for another week if we stand a chance of meeting the deadlines. This type of activity is usually last in the line when it comes to resourcing and I am amazed that I have managed to pull a team together. I must leave you now and make an offering to the Gods of Outsourcing ...

... I think the kidneys* of a Network Solutioner are an appropriate gift this evening.

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* I wonder if I go with the liver and heart too whether the same Gods will cause the other Indian team to suffer immediate and eternal damnation in some Hell of Hells? They are currently totally out of control and, after spending two weeks totally fucking up a piece of work, are now expecting us to pick it up and sort it out in under a week. I'm keeping my head down on this one.

30%'s new ability.

The chickens were irascible when I finally hauled my arse out of bed and let them out a little before nine o'clock. I left them to their irritable squawks and retired indoors to gently increase my caffeine levels. A little after ten I wandered outside again and headed over to the Feed Stores to pick up food and wood shavings for the disgruntled occupants of the Stalag at the end of the garden. I suppose the trip and unloading in to the garage took the best part of 30 minutes so it was probably about half past ten, quarter to eleven before I wandered back in to the house... 30% was still snoring upstairs.

On her eventual awakening we set about some light Sabbath Pottering. At one point I was having a mid morning banana and wandered in to the Study. 30% followed and instantly focused on a banana peel that I may have inadvertently left in there from Friday. "What's That? You Scuzzy Git" came her dulcet tones at a volume that caused three slates to slip from the roof.

Quick as a flash, and I am still amazed at the speed of my response, I calmly advised her that she had developed a super-human power and was actually looking in to the future where she was seeing the skin from the banana that was currently in my hand. In simple terms she was seeing the skin that I was yet to leave in the Study.  This obviously caused a mild intellectual derailment but 30% made a reasonable recovery and advised that she didn't care when it was she was more concerned about the where it was. I advised that I would move it as soon as it was really there and this seemed to calm things down. I also made polite enquiries about whether she had a Super-Hero Suit but this seemed to fall on deaf ears ... I may have a look through the wardrobe later and see if there is any lycra tucked away behind a secret panel.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful; the dogs were walked, loose plans were made for another trip to the tip and further garage clearance activities were considered. I actually got as far as shifting a stripped chest of drawers to a point near the garage doors where it can be taken outside for sanding if it ever stays dry for long enough.

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* This isn't the first time I've used the Time Travelling defence. I first threw 30% the temporal curve ball a good while back and it worked pretty well then too.

I seem to be keeping the gossips busy

Today's plan was to get all of my chores out of the way as early as possible as we are out this evening for Dinner with 30%'s brother and his GF.

First on the list was to gather a few tools and trim the door at the foot of the stairs so that it clears the newly fitted carpet. That went reasonably smoothly and only needed offering up and tweaking a couple of times before I was happy to screw it to the frame permanently.

Next on the list was to load the recently acquired bookcases in to the Land Rover and trailer and deliver them over to Dave the Stripper in Worcester.  They should take a couple of weeks at most to be refinished so they will be back cluttering the garage before I know it.

By the time we got home it was most definitely time for lunch and then it was out around the Three Miler with T&M before, I am afraid to say, a solid hour's kip on the sofa occurred.

The title of today's post comes from a chance encounter with the chap who owns the small office building next door to The Pile. I don't know him particularly well but we always exchange a greeting and a few polite conversational nonentities. To be honest I tend to be a little wary of him as he has a tendency to ask quite intrusive questions ...

... today was one of those days.  His opening gambit today was to let me know that a conveniently forgotten acquaintance of his had let him know that I had now retired from work on health grounds and he continued by asking about my well being. I corrected this complete nonsense with minimal detail but assured him that I was fine, in gainful employment and suggested that this assumption had probably arisen as a result of the fact that I work from home and therefore could be seen in the Village when most are at their places of work.

As I wandered away I pondered the mentality of the "unknown" individual that had come up with and then decided to disseminate this complete piece of crap. I am guessing that my regular, day time walks with T&M have led them to construct a complete work of fiction to explain why I am not tied to some desk or stuck in a rep-mobile between the hours of 9 and 5. I have to admit that I can sort of understand why people might like to construct a scenario which explains my unusual working patterns but I cannot fathom why they would then present this fabrication as a fact in a conversation.

As mentioned earlier, the evening saw a trip in to Stratford for Dinner with S&E. We had a leisurely dinner at a Pasta Chain. The food was perfectly acceptable and the company was great. It was one of those evening when there was a strong temptation to return home and carry on but sense prevailed as S needed to be down in London VERY EARLY on Monday morning to carry out some decommissioning work at the Olympic venues. We therefore settled the bill the right side of midnight and went our separate ways.

Why I'm not in Politics

The current project workload looks a little daunting, especially with India Team#2 asking for a piece of work to be resourced, understood and completed in a little over a week. That type of activity is going to occupy most of my tiny brain leaving little to deal with the other pieces of crap IM has dumped on me. As a result the first call of the day was to  IM to do a little expectation adjustment and ensure that he is aware that you cannot get a quart from a pint pot.

With IM on side the next metaphorical room we entered was with India Team#2. After three quarters of an hour we developed a reasonable understanding of what they were after and identified a potential offering that should be fairly straightforward to solution and also deploy ... the only problem now is getting Subject Matter Idiots assigned to iron out the details. As a result the priority post call was to get a Resource Request in to the machinery ... Job Done! As an aside I should point out that this team were far more "on the ball" than the other India team I have to deal with and I am hoping that we can have a relatively smooth ride with these chaps.

Talking of "the other India Team", next on the list was a call with India Team#1. This is the bunch of fucking morons that just haven't got a clue and just seem to spend hour after hour on conference calls wittering about things that seem to have no relevance to the fundamental problems they need to resolve. Today was no exception, I entered the call 30 seconds after it's start time* and found myself midway though a tale about some major problem but at no point did anyone think that this was important enough to defer describing until all attendees were present or to summarise it on completion ...

... as I type this I have no fucking idea what the problem is but I do know that someone far enough up the food chain has finally realised that a) these people have the intellect of Mike the Headless Chicken ** and b)  this project makes no sense from any perspective either financially, operationally or politically. Fundamentally it is a pile of crap that we shouldn't touch with a barge pole and it looks like someone somewhere has finally got the message.

Towards the end of the call things got momentarily scary when the Indians thought that they could just pass their pile of shit over the fence to me and my colleague on a Friday afternoon and that we could spend the weekend and the early part of next week sorting it out. Fortunately the UK Sales Exec stepped in and gave them a polite "No Way". 

That was a good job because I was all ready to say "You're having a fucking laugh!"

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* That is classed as early by Dante's etiquette standards
** Look him up. He really existed

I see how it should be done

Much of today was spent avoiding what I should be doing and preparing for an urgent client meeting in the Black Country. Talking of "black" that is also the colour of a cloud that appeared on the horizon an hour or so before I was due to depart ...

... for some weeks now I have been waiting for another piece of India lead work to commence.  I have been chasing for updates on a regular basis and have also flagged that resources are scarce in these parts and that we need as much notice as possible to stand a chance of getting to grips with their requirements and "cranking the handle"...

... I was pinged today by Bangalore to advise that they need me to develop a costed solution in six to eight days time. Fuckers! I got them to set up a kick-off call and raised a few warning flags and then put thoughts of my Indian colleagues suffering tragic and painful accidents to one side.

By midday I was climbing in to the Defender and trundling up towards Sandwell and Dudley station to collect a Sales Exec and taxi him to the meeting venue.

There were three of us in the meeting where the client wanted our views on their first venture in to Outsourcing. It was apparent that they view us very favourably and unless we do something really stupid we should stand a very good chance of success in the next few months.  The title of today's entry refers to the performance of one of my colleagues in this meeting. He is quite senior with several years of experience under his belt. He is not a particularly personable fellow but I was privileged to be given a lesson in how to dissect and analyse a  set of requirements and present suitable offerings to meet them. I did manage some relevant input in the meeting but watching this chap was a clear indication of how far I have to go yet.

I bet my taxi driver patter is better than his though.