Fortunately it was a slow day

Both TP and I had dental appointments this afternoon. The timing of these meant that much of the afternoon would be spent in sunny Bromsgrove either reading a magazine or attempting to force my body through the molecular structure of the chair in an attempt to escape the de-scaler ... I'm not a huge fan of the dentist.

In view of this enforced sojourn in a dental waiting room, I did my best to make good use of the time by dropping off my wheel rim and tyre up at MP Trading prior to the appointments. The tyre was fitted and balanced while we took turns in the dental chair and was collected before we drove home. It seems like I have been to the dentist every week for the past month following TP' s unfortunate accident with a beer bottle but I can now report that his treatment plan has been completed and, for once, my check up revealed no need for any additional work.

By the time I arrived home I had spent the entire afternoon away from my desk but fortunately it didn't look like I had been missed. I fitted the spare wheel back on the car and then headed out for a walk with T&M. Moving on to the subject of dogs, I can report that 30% has been repeatedly visiting a Poodle Rescue website recently as a young, cream dog has caught her eye. She finally bit the bullet this afternoon and rang the contact number ...

... after a long chat we have forms to complete and return to ascertain our suitability. We also need to know whether this lad is suitable for us, particularly in view of the fact that we have 1.8 cats* in residence.

30% asked why a ten month old dog was up for adoption and was advised that he had been previously owned by a couple with three children under four years old. He had not been given the attention or investment of time that he deserved and the family had now realised their mistake in acquiring a large energetic and excitable dog that needs daily exercise and regular grooming. Apparently the poor lad doesn't even know his own name.

This seems to be a case of someone having more money than sense.

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* if you are new to The Journal I will point out that Eddy** lost a hind leg and his tail as a result of a car accident five years ago hence he has been measured and judged 0.8 of a cat.
** Eddy percent ... just say it out loud.

A sunny day in a deckchair ... not!

First real task of the morning was to drive over to the Rugby Club and collect TP after a night under canvass with beer. He was surprisingly chipper due to a very sensible, self imposed abstinence and  seemed ready for his dish washing shift at the Hand Cart and Fortified Structure this afternoon.

Back at home I headed in to the garage to add the finishing touches to Helen's gate-cum-wicket. Having finished that I wandered in to the study where I decided that it was far too hot to fire up the wall paper stripper. I consequently decided to make a start on the far more relaxing task of demolishing the fireplace and ripping out the built in cupboard in the study. After a sweaty, dusty couple of hours the cupboard components were leant against one wall and the fireplace was now a pile of bricks on the hearth. The red mist of demolition had obviously descended as the picture rails were then torn from the walls and chucked on top of the heap of debris. Delighted by this scene of carnage I retired to the garden with a long, cool drink to plan the logistics of a tip run next weekend.

Lunch followed and then 30% and I headed over to pay another visit to Bad Man Senior and Step Mum Sue. The purpose of this visit was to raid their neighbour's bonfire for the huge quantity of firewood that was destined to burn in the open air rather than in a fireplace. We tutted about this lunacy and within half an hour had a decent pile of firewood cached in BMS's garden. Tea and birthday cake were then consumed before we liberated a few lengths of oak from BMS's garage for my garden bench project.

At home once more, we sunned ourselves in the garden before attending to poultry and dogs. The former have red mite and their coop needed spraying with insecticide, the latter needed and seemed to enjoy a cool bath ...

... I had quite forgotten that Tyson is black as opposed to a dark, dusty grey.

A full day

This morning started with an early walk around the Three Miler with T&M. I was back at home before ten o'clock but the day was very warm already. My return coincided with 30%'s departure for a  visit to the supermarket and I looked for something to occupy me...

... I clambered around behind the garage and eased a dozen or more lengths of pallet wood from the stack. The plan was to use these to fabricate a garden gate to be used as part of the decorations at Helen and Steve's wedding reception. I must admit that I was concerned as to whether my thoughts and ideas aligned with Helen's as her design brief was, for want of a better word, brief.

With the wood sorted I headed inside, praying for creative inspiration, and wandered in to the study where I started to gather up the tatters of wall paper from the floor. It was possible that I had fallen foul of the spirits of procrastination. After half clearing the floor I noticed that the morning was rapidly disappearing so encouraged TP to get his act together and prepare himself for the demonstration of Touch Rugby at a nearby Carnival. The way time was moving on combined with 30%'s continued absence suggested that when she did arrive there was going to be some frantic activity and TP did not want to be the cause of further delay.

30% eventually arrived, laden with shopping and things were calmer that I expected. She set about assembling an early lunch while I whisked TP off to the Carnival for the aforementioned rugby demo. I returned, lunched and then we headed over to see BMS and SMS for today was SMS's birthday.

We had a lovely time catching up on each others news and also making sure BMS was well after the minor procedure he underwent yesterday at a local hospital. Any time spent with BMS and SMS does tend to be enjoyably random. Today was no different and we ended up at their neighbour's house gathering up lengths of timber left over from a recent garage construction. BMS wants to use them to construct a new garden gate and I was recruited to construct a functional gate at some point in the near future. BMS also kindly offered several lengths of oak that will be perfect to form the seat and back for the garden bench project that has recently been started after a twenty year slumber.

As we were about to leave my mobile 'phone rang. It was TP calling to advise that the Rugby Demo had not taken place and that he had walked home where he was sat in the garden without a door key. We bade our farewells to BMS and SMS and headed home.

With a good chunk of the afternoon still available I knuckled down and assembled Helen's decorative gate feature. I was still rather concerned as I wanted it to be just right. To allay these worries I emailed over a couple of photos with a three word title; "Yes or No?". The email was followed up with a 'phone call and was relieved that both Steve and Helen though it was just the job ... phew!

The day ended with a trip over to the Rugby Club for the team's summer barbeque. We had a splendid time chatting, drinking and eating whilst the lads played enthusiastic games on the pitches as the heat of the day waned.

God knows what state TP will be in when I collect him tomorrow morning ... he is camping out at the club and the tent is full of booze!

Refreshing News

I wandered down stairs this morning and heard a graunching noise coming from my laptop's cooling fan. It didn't sound too healthy. This unit has had a noisy fan since I  first received it over three years ago and has, on occasion, displayed a FAN ERROR message instead of booting up. Today I did what I had done on so many previous occasions and restarted my laptop ...

... Hmmm! FAN ERROR. I tried to restart a few more times and on each occasion it made horrible noises and displayed its succinct yet despondent FAN ERROR complaint. I even tried giving it a sharp thumb in the area of the fan in an attempt to dislodge any obstructions but all that did was add the ejection of a huge cloud of dust to the abortive start up sequence. I believe the technical term for the laptop is fucked.

I then had the joys of talking to Dante's high quality help desk in India where a very pleasant young man listened to my assessment of the problem, put me on hold for two minutes and then asked totally irrelevant questions along the lines of "what happens when you enter your password?" I refrained from swearing at him but did point out in no uncertain terms that the laptop required engineer assistance as start up was aborted well before any password screen. The dullard eventually got the message. I got a ticket number and I set about doing my best to carry out my working day with an i-Phone that has no network signal.

After a short while an Engineer phoned and I arranged to nip in to the Nearest Circle of Hell to let him give a professional assessment of the laptop. To cut a long story short he avoided using the word fucked on the problem ticket and instead went with Beyond Economic Repair. I now have a loan unit containing my hard disk and have started the process of ordering a brand new laptop all the way from that pinnacle of quality goods and engineering ... China.*

As the working day was drawing to a close** I wandered in to the kitchen in time to see a silver pickup park up outside The Pile. The driver climbed from the cab and I recognised him as Andy the Powder Coating acquaintance. He had completed the coating of the Defender spare wheel and the bench ends and was offering a personal delivery service in to the bargain. I have to say that I am truly amazed by the quality of the job. The wheel is immaculate and the bench ends are a glistening white and show a level of detail in the cast iron that is fantastic. I asked him what I owed him and he pondered for a moment before sheepishly asking if forty quid was OK. I was astounded and would have happily paid twice that for the job. He seemed pretty pleased too when I nipped back in to the house and raided 30%'s purse so he was paid on the spot.

All I need to do now if find a tyre fitter and some lengths of oak.

---

* This may turn out to be somewhat ironic but let's just wait and see.
** Remember that a) this is Friday and b) I work at Dante's Nine Circles of Hell so the day tends to start drawing to a close pretty soon after elevenses and certainly by four in the afternoon which is regarded as a late one!

Bad Man takes a slow, steamy strip - LOOK AWAY NOW!

After another working day of confusion, waffle and misdirection I abandoned the laptop and headed back in to the study to continue stripping wall paper. It might seem that this job is taking much longer than it should but I am in no rush to complete this task as I have not yet arranged for a skip to be delivered. There is no point pulling down the ceiling without a skip so I would abandon this Journal now if you don't want me to recount tales of a long leisurely strip ...

 ... The weather is also incredibly hot and filling a room with steam makes it a job that is best performed in short bursts with regular breaks for beer or gin and tonic.

Whilst on the subject of breaks I had a welcome interruption from my study-cum-steam room endeavours when I received a call from Helen to advise that she and Steve would be paying us a visit on Sunday week. The purpose of the visit is to attend to the recently acquired scrape on the fairing of the Ducati but I hope that we get some time for socialising too.

Helen has asked me to construct a non-functional garden gate, that will be used at their forthcoming wedding where it will form a structure to support a floral display. I plan to have this completed for their visit ...

... I hope I don't let her down.

Catching up

There is not a huge amount to report from the past couple of days. The main work activity on Tuesday was to develop an estimate of the budget required to fund the team that will be needed to develop the latest solution.

Once I had exited the virtual office I powered up the steam stripper and spent a happy hour in the study removing ancient wood chip wall paper from the walls. The walls themselves are in reasonable condition considering the age of the plaster work but the colour is a rather unpleasant shade best described as "I shouldn't have had that curry" brown. The plan is to have them skimmed with a new coat of plaster but that is a way off and there is much work to be done before Andy & Steve appear with floats in hand.

My plan of action is to get the walls stripped of paper and then identify a free weekend when TP and I can pull down the ceiling. It will then be a simple matter of getting a skip ordered and we can "get medieval" on the ceiling and fireplace. I will then have a blank canvas and can start on simple tasks like rewiring and complicated tasks like the worrying damp patches on one of the walls ...

... I am guessing that Chippy Ian will be called upon to give advice and professional services quotations!

Moving on to Wednesday; this was a day that started much earlier that I would have liked. I crammed myself in to a suit and was sat in the car by quarter past six in the morning. I than had a dreary drive down an overloaded M40 to spend four hours in meetings discussing "next steps" with the latest client.

The meetings were reasonable and the Sales Exec on this engagement is human enough to acknowledge the duration of my journey home and consequently told me to sod off around four o'clock in the afternoon. This meant that I was home by six and able to enjoy a pleasant evening at home with 30% and TP.

To fail to prepare ...

... is to prepare to fail. Benjamin Franklin put it so succinctly when he stated the need for organisation and planning if one was to succeed in an endeavour. My initial thoughts on the latest assignment is that they have certainly been busy doing "stuff" but there are some fundamental preparatory items that just haven't been developed. I should point out that "they" are the embryonic Engagement Team and they have been in place for a time period measured in months rather than weeks or days.

I have only been assigned a couple of days and I have already drafted a solution responsibility matrix which identifies which of the globally dispersed individuals will be responsible for which solution elements. This is fundamental if there are to be no gaps or overlaps in our final deliverable. Today I was presented with a worrying request. I was asked to review the budget for the development of the solution. With the current level of planning this is like walking up to a man on the street and saying "how much is a car?". It is a question that cannot be answered without parameters that define the requirement. At present there is no information on when the client will provide us with requirements and the date we are proposing to deliver a price seems to move in and out with the tide! There was no way that I could comment on a budget without a bid plan that identifies the key milestones and phases of this engagement. Did one exist? ... Did it Fuck!

So you can guess what I pulled together yesterday afternoon.

I could continue this diatribe with tales of hour long calls with no agendas or actions but I am trying to be positive and make firm but gentle recommendations that will put the team on the right track. I just hope that I can get off at the next station.*

Putting work to one side, I had a slightly more successful day. I managed to combine taking TP to the dentist with collection of a replacement spare wheel from Mark at MP Trading. This lingered in the back of the car for a couple of hours before I took it down the village and dropped it off with Andy who will sort out the media blasting and powder coating. I also took the two Victorian cast iron bench ends that I have had in my possession for the best part of twenty years after finding them in the back of a shed in a house I bought. They have a twisted ivy element to their design and will look fantastic once they have been cleaned up and painted but it is fair to say that twenty years is a long time for a project to be on hold.

I hope it doesn't take me another twenty years to get the timber for the seat or, for that matter, get the tyre fitted to my replacement spare wheel.

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* or failing that,leap from the Guard's Van and tumble, limbs flailing, down an embankment

Ninety six square feet

Perhaps a slightly random title but an explanation will be forthcoming, Let me explain ...

... I'll quickly race through the supermarket visit, lawn mowing and dog walking and arrive breathless and glistening at Sunday's principal achievement. I finally cleared the dregs from the study and laid the protective hardboard sheets in preparation for pulling down the ceiling and taking out the fireplace.*

Let's paint the picture rail apart from the bit behind the curtains

Charming reconstituted stone fireplace.

note 2'6" of unpainted skirting board

I appreciate that it looks grim and has a truly tasteless fireplace-cum-wall unit that takes up one complete wall but it is a lovely room to work in. Being on the ground floor it is close enough to family life but it is in a quiet corner of the house and the door can be closed to shut out domestic distractions. We plan to install a small log burner in the fireplace so the room will be toasty in winter without the need to run the central heating throughout the day. All in all it has the potential to be a lovely room to work in, I just need to spend a few months sorting it out.

Finally, it took three 8' x 4' sheets of hardboard to cover the floor so I know that the study has a floor area of ninety six square feet.**

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* not to mention rectification of the dreadful surface mounted electrics
** it is actually 108 square feet (9' x 12') but the fireplace and cupboard weren't included in my calcs.

A sunny Saturday

First order of business this morning was to clamber in to the Defender and head out to collect TP from his after Prom party. Unusually for TP, he was ready and waiting outside the venue with four friends. They were all sprawled on the ground soaking up the early morning sun and looked suitably dishevelled after what I am guessing was a very late night with more beer that was wise.

Half an hour later I had dropped them off at their respective residences and was back at The Pile for a quick cup of coffee. I then collected 30% and we headed over to Evesham where we dropped off our oil painting at the picture framer and then headed over to the DIY store for some 8 x 4 sheets of hardboard that will be laid down over the office floor to form a temporary protective cover for the original elm floorboards when the ceiling is pulled down.

It was then time for lunch followed by a spot of DIY as I hung the oak framed mirror in the kitchen and then recruited TP to help unload bales of shavings and sheets of hardboard from the Land Rover. The weather today was amazing and I left my walk with T&M as late as possible but the Three Miler was still sweltering as we completed the loop in the later afternoon sun.

The reason I could not delay their walk any later was because 30% and I spent a delightful evening with S&H sat around a table in their garden, telling tales, exchanging news, eating some great food and, in the case of S and myself, drinking beer and gin. We had a lovely time and I must admit that I fell in to an alcohol induced snooze on the car journey home.

An unusual conveyance in to the weekend

I find myself at the end of the working week and have to be honest; reporting that I have done my best to avoid hard work over the past couple of days. It can't be just me that thinks that Thursday or Friday are the worst days of the week to start a new endeavour. New assignments should start at the beginning of the week, not half way through when one is already mentally preparing to stop working  and embrace the weekend ...

... well that is the way  my mind works so I have done very little on the latest project since my "official" start on Thursday. I have explored the scope, both in terms of service and geography, and have pondered its apparent deficiencies and what needs to be done to get things heading in the right direction. I don't think that's too bad having had less than forty eight hours exposure to the beast but I haven't raised a sweat yet.

This morning I finished the oak framed mirror that I started last Sunday. A coat of wax polish was applied to the frame and I then inserted the mirror glass and backing board and pinned it all in place. It was a case of perfect timing as it is the day of TP's School Prom* and he found a 4' x 1' dressing mirror ideal for checking out his outfit of tail coat, dress shirt and bow tie before I dropped him at a friend's house for pre-Prom beers.

With TP away partying 30% and I headed over to the Neat & Tidy Piano Movers** Summer Family Evening. Every year her employer arranges a fair for employees and their families and a local outdoor space will be filled with Marquees, fairground rides and stalls, a hog roast and ice cream stall and all is supplied free of charge. It is amazing when compared to Dante's Nine Circles of Hell which appears miserly by comparison.

We had a lovely time wandering around, talking to friends and acquaintances, munching on the free buffet and taking in the sights. A hands on display of exotic pets was a real hit with the children and I must admit both 30% and I were quite taken with the pythons and the coati mundi. I also experienced a new form of transport when I had a trial ride on a Segway. These are the bizarre two wheeled platforms that  looks like they should have no inherent stability. It was an amusing diversion and I soon became accustomed to the basic principles of propelling the device around a course. However I have to report that a) I felt that the helmet and high-vis vest were totally unnecessary and b) I can see why these are rarely encountered in the real world ... it is an expensive gadget at best.

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* Yes, I know it is a dreadful Americanism and School Disco is the British equivalent
** This is an alias

A plan comes together ...

I knew from the moment that I saw the space where my spare wheel used to be that I was never going to get it returned so there was no point letting it ruin my day. I just needed to accept it and sort it out in the most economic way possible. I didn't want to claim against my car insurance as that would negate my no claims bonus so it was a case of how do I get a genuine Land Rover deep dish alloy and tyre for the lowest possible cost* ...

...My first call was made to Mark at MP Trading and he commiserated and advised that he had a scruffy OEM deep dish alloy on a Defender he was breaking. He advised that I could have it for somewhere around £30 but I would need to have it shot blasted and powder coated and I would also need a tire. I accepted the quote and asked him to remove the best of the wheels. As we discussed options for rubber, powder coating and collection another cosmic tumbler dropped in to place when I realised that I would be barely a mile from Mark's workshop next Monday when I take TP to the dentist.

With the wheel rim reserved I now needed a tyre and that was simple. Tucked away in the front cellar I have a pile of tyres that were fitted to my alloys when I bought them a few years ago. Most of the tyres are reasonable at best but the spare was unused. A quick inspection confirmed that it was the correct size and whilst it is not the same manufacturer or tread pattern as those on the Defender it is more than adequate as a spare.

 Next on the list was to arrange the refurbishment of the rim and that is where one of my dog walking acquaintances becomes relevant. Jazz's owner; Andy runs a powder coating business and I have previously discussed getting a couple of items refinished by him but have never got around to it. The need for a spare wheel was the metaphorical kick up the arse I needed to get in touch and put a bit of business his way. Yet another cosmic tumbler dropped in to place as I bumped in to him whilst I was walking T&M this afternoon. A quick chat confirmed that he was more than happy to take on the work and I arranged to drop the rim at his house early next week.

I then purchased some replacement wheel nuts and this was done on-line and set me back £27, including postage. Mindful of the theft, one of the nuts is a locking wheel nut of the same type as is fitted to the rest of the car. Hopefully this will prevent another automotive violation!

All that is left to do is to assemble these components at some point later next week and I should be back to normal and only about £100 lighter in the wallet.

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*  The cost of an OEM wheel rim is circa £230 and a BF Goodrich All Terrain 235 x 85 is going to add a further £140. When I start adding in wheel nuts too I am easily going to hit £400.

Other Stuff

Today was my first walk out with T&M since Tyson ripped her claw. We had a gentle stroll around the Three Miler and all seems well.

I also made a start on my latest work assignment. It is another contract renegotiation and I spent much of today with a 'phone glued to my ear attempting to understand the scope and work out what needs to be done to get this beast moving forward. It also reminded me of how small this industry is when I learnt that I would be working with a couple of colleagues I last served time with more than five years ago.

It is a Global deal with a limited range of services and it will be led from the UK. It is an interesting opportunity and, for once, I have been brought in early enough to allow it to be managed effectively although my holiday plans may clash with the first client deliverable.

Not Happy

For the past three days I have been trundling in to the Nearest Circle of Hell to attend a training course covering Dante's Lamborghini of a cost modelling tool. It was very informative and the trainer was his usual self right down to the selection of personal photographs that interspersed his lecture slides, the irreverent narrative, the borderline xenophobia and even the rhino patterned tie made an appearance. He is most definitely one of a kind and I have a soft spot for him and his eccentricities.

The last day ended and I wandered out to the car park.  As I walked around the back of the Defender to throw my laptop in the rear I noticed that things were not as they should be ...

... some f***ing c*** had stolen the spare wheel off the mount on the back door. I subsequently spent a further forty five minutes going through the formalities of reporting the crime to both site security and police knowing that there was no real chance of ever catching the thieving arse hole and  recovering my wheel.

I'm not having a good week with my vehicles.

Ouch!

For some reason it seemed that most of Sunday morning was taken up by walking Marauder around the Three Miler. I am guessing that a combination of getting up later than usual, dropping TP off at the Rugby Club for fitness training and then taking a walk that might have included a few conversational halts were the main reasons why there seemed to be less of the morning than I expected.

As M and I wandered back to the The Pile we saw 30% heading off to collect TP and within twenty minutes she was back and making lunch.

After lunch I decided to haul the Ducati from the garage and take her out for a spin ... I wish I hadn't. I warmed her up and let her roll to the bottom of the drive where I waited for a gap in the traffic.  The nearby policeman with a speed gun meant that I was far less enthusiastic with the throttle when the traffic thinned and I stupidly stalled the bike. She toppled over at a virtual standstill and I now have a nice little scuff on the fairing lower ... I hope Steve can get an accurate colour match for Ducati model year 2000 yellow!

I did take a brief ride out but my heart wasn't in it and, after taking a tea break with BMS and SMS, I headed home and tucked her up in the garage. Whilst there my eyes fell upon the large pine framed mirror that we won at yesterday's auction and I started to root around for some new frame materials ... Before I knew it I was being called in for dinner and the sections of a fine oak frame were laid out on the bench ...

... After dinner I wasn't particularly taken with TP and 30%'s choice of television so I headed out and glued and clamped the frame.

Art

30% and I have quite different tastes in decorative art and, as a result of these artistic differences, do not have many pictures hanging on the walls of the The Pile. We have a few framed photographs of Tyson & Marauder and several of my "antique" mirrors that I throw together from time to time but very little art. In the spare room that is forever known as the purple bedroom* there is a stack of framed art but not one has been deemed worthy and made it on to the walls.

I like traditional oils and water colours whilst 30%'s tastes lie in a much more modern and much more commercial vein. We are generally poles apart but yesterday in the auction rooms a couple of cosmic cogs enmeshed as we stumbled upon a small unframed canvas. It was a very old and beautifully executed scene of two farmers scything hay in a meadow. We both liked it and after we had got over the amazement a commission bid was placed.

I drove over to the auction this morning to see whether we had been successful and was delighted to find that we had won the oil painting and a number of other items including some repro Staffordshire flat backs and a large bevelled mirror. It looks like we will be off to find a decent picture framer next weekend.

The remainder of the day was filled with normal domesticity. Marauder was walked and the lawn was mown. The Office project was also given a little attention as further items were cleared. It is a truism that there is nothing like an empty space for attracting junk and this virtually cleared room had already started to reaccumulate domestic items. I returned tools to the garage along with the two curtain rails that will be hung once the room is finished. I also disposed of the bin bag of hair following my use of the space as a grooming salon last weekend. There is still a random assortment of items that 30% refuses to let us touch but seems strangely reluctant to address either ... if she is not careful I will declare a statute of limitations on these and take matters in to my own hands. I also made enquiries about a replacement ledge and brace door and a very nice gentleman called Graham is going to get back to me with a quote in the next couple of days.

As for the room clearance, can anyone suggest where I should put the stuffed boars head?

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* When we bought The Pile this box room was painted a deep purple and for several weeks when we remodelled the house two of the exterior walls, ceiling and roof were removed which meant that it was on display to every passer by. Our Builders used to use it as a land mark when ordering supplies ... "is it easy to find?" .... " Oh yes, just look for the purple wall and the radiator in the air"

Encapsulate this in a few words ... I can't

I suspect that if I asked someone to picture the end of a race they would envisage an athlete, with their head held high, thrusting their chest forward in to the tape that marks the finish line. That is not exactly how my "race" finished today ...

... for the past couple of weeks I have been coordinating the completion of a set of third party contracts and documents of understanding that all needed to be in place such that the main Agreement with the client could be signed this morning. This job has been a Royal pain in the arse. The Specialist Procurement personnel have been out of the office more than they have been in it, both of them seem somewhat less than motivated and most definitely lacking in any project management ability. The signing of the main Agreement was deferred by a week so they even had more time but they still managed to make a complete and utter pig's ear of things and we arrived at our deadline with barely sufficient documentation to satisfy the Daemons that these sub-contracts were in place. The ink was still wet on some of them and, if I am honest, other associated documents remain to be agreed and signed.

So let us review our imaginary Olympian with hair streaming behind them and replace that image with a decrepit octogenarian collapsing ahead of the line and, with breath rattling from their failing lungs, pulling themselves by their finger tips to the finish.

It is fair to say that I like to take a pride in my work and I leave this assignment with a self assessment of adequate and when I say adequate it should probably be accompanied by the adverb barely.

Moving on to Life rather than Work, today's moment of humour came when I took Tyson back to the Vet as her torn claw is troubling her and has bled on a couple of occasions. The Vet suggested sedating her so that the claw could be removed and I agreed that this was the best course of action. He asked whether she had eaten anything this morning as the light anaesthetic could induce vomiting. I think he was expecting a yes or no so was taken aback when I looked at her and then back at him and replied that she had eaten a ham sandwich ...

... I reminded the Vet that her drugs needed to be taken with food and both T&M have food constantly available so I needed something tempting to ensure her pills sat on a full stomach; hence a ham sandwich. He laughed at this unconventional approach and we continued with the pre-op consents and confirmation of contact details. I left her there with instructions to call for a progress report at two o'clock.

Two o'clock came and I called to be informed that all had gone well and that I could collect her later in the afternoon. She is now curled up on the sofa as right as ninepence.

30% returned from work somewhat excited* by her new role and it fair to say that she needed to do a bit of shouting to get it out of her system ... eventually, reassured by the sight of Tyson virtually restored to normal levels of craziness, she was ready to start the weekend and we headed over to Littleton Auctons to view the lots.

Tomorrow could be expensive.

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* This is most definitely a euphemism

Sick Note

There is little to report from the past couple of days. I'm getting over my cold however Tyson's recovery has not been so straightforward. The anti-inflammatories and antibiotics have had the desired effect on her torn claw and consequently she is quite happy wandering around with a barely a limp. This increased actvity is loosening the claw and on a couple of occasions it has started to bleed. I have had to apply a dressing to stem the flow and to keep her from niggling at the wound. She looks quite comical with her paw bandaged and has a tendency to sit with her paw held up for all to see.

Realistically the injury isn't going to heal until the nail is removed and it looks like I will be back at the Vet's tomorrow for another consultation.

Bleurgh !

If I am honest I did very little today. My head is full of cold and I felt quite dreadful. I spent the bare minimum of time at the laptop, just enough to keep matters on track as we head towards Friday when this deal gets signed.

I did manage a walk around the Three Miler with Marauder and felt somewhat better for being outside in the sun. Mind you, it could just have been the vast quantities of over the counter medication that I have been throwing down my throat.

I encouraged TP out in to the garden this afternoon and he made a reasonable job of edging the lawn. I also let him loose with a garden sprayer filled with weedkiller to sort out the herbal invaders in the block paving ... I hope I don't regret this in a couple of weeks time when things start to die ... after all, a while back I was tempted to draw a huge cock and balls on Idiot Manager's front lawn with a solution of RoundUp!

I spent the evening at home slouched on the sofa alone as 30% and TP headed out to a School Barbecue arranged as part of the Zambian Exchange programme. I really don't feel very sociable at the moment.

When home and work collide

I had a dreadful night's sleep and can recall waking almost every hour. My head was full of cold and it is fair to say that I didn't feel my best. Looking on the bright side, at least I only have to wander as far as the home office rather than schlep to London or some other location where my physical manifestation is mandated.

First job of the day was to arrange an appointment for Tyson at the Vets. A nine o'clock slot was available so I lifted* her in to the back of the Defender and headed down the road ...

... Fifty five British Pounds later I discovered that Tyson had partially torn one of her claws and an infection had set in. She was given a jab to ease the pain and hit the infection and she is to "take it easy" for the next few days whilst she consumes a variety of antibiotics and anti-inflammatories.

I headed home and settled in to my day's work. This included submitting my expenses and managing the signature of a variety of Third Party Contracts and Documents of Understanding. I would like to think that I am having some impact but the realist in me knows that the impending signature of a new contract with a client is the real impetus driving the activity. At best my role is that of either Shepherd or Reporter.

In the early afternoon I headed out for a walk with Marauder before yet more shepherding as I coaxed TP out of the door and whisked him over to the Dentist for an inspection of his damaged incisor ...

... it is settling back in to its socket and a further two appointments have been scheduled for root canal fillings to the tooth and its neighbour.

By the time I arrived home I felt most unwell and would have liked to call it a day but I had a conference call arranged for six thirty that I needed to attend. I'm glad I did as it was hysterical. The purpose of the call was to review a document of understanding and agree it in principle. What it actually turned out to be was one of Dante's most unprofessional senior Daemons having a  rant at another sect of Devils and pointing out that she would not be incurring any financial penalties if they had cocked up their estimates.

As I said, at best I am either shepherding or reporting on this activity.

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* obviously to ensure she didn't hurt her paw. However, it is a regular source of amusement that Marauder will leap, from a standing start, in to the back of the Land Rover whilst Tyson, even when in full health, will simply place her front paws on the load bed and wait patiently for one of us to lift her rear end in to the car.

I've felt better

I woke this morning and felt like I had gone three rounds with a champion boxer after yesterdays re-stacking of the wood pile. My back and legs ached and it is fairly obvious that the recent weeks of hotel stays and office based working have done me no good at all. I need to get back in to my exercise regime. To make matters worse I have woken with a snotty nose and a scratchy feeling at the back of my throat. My initial diagnosis is a cold but 30% says hay fever. I guess it could be but I have never suffered like this before.

Tyson is no better so a) it looks like a trip to the Vets tomorrow and b) it was just Marauder and I that took a walk after breakfast. I have never walked Marauder on her own and I was amazed at how she behaved. She was a different dog, she was calm and walked to heel most of the time and there was no straining at the lead as we set off down the road. We were stopped a few times on our walk and acquaintances asked about Tyson's whereabouts. We also received three separate compliments about Marauder's recent clip ... it was nice to have independent confirmation that I had done a decent job.

After completing the Three Miler I dragged the pawn mower from the garage and whizzed around the lawn before the first of today's showers hit the village. The morning's exertions combined with an achy back meant that I was knackered and starving so a lazy, extended lunch was taken before 30% and I nipped out to pick up some fruit 'n veg from a nearby farm shop.

On our return I fully intended to do nothing but snooze on the sofa but I felt the need to do something constructive so I unwrapped the curtain poles that I had collected from the Blacksmith last Monday and wandered in to the dining room ...

... after assembling a pile of assorted tools and deployment of some imaginative invective the rails now grace the door and window frames and 30% can now arrange for Upholsterer Sally to come around to measure up for curtains.