I didn't know that.

A busy weekend had me collapsing, brain dead on the sofa at the end of the day rather than busily pecking away at the keyboard.

Actually that isn't entirely true. This weekend has seen me explore the world of wireless network encryption and after sorting that out the last thing I wanted to do was sit at a keyboard ...

... perhaps burn one on an Altar constructed from the long bones of Mr Gates whilst wearing a ceremonial cape made from his flayed skin with the obligatory teeth necklace, but sit at one for pleasure - I think not.

I have an analogy that I use when people say "Oh you work at Dante's Nine Circles of Hell, you must know loads about PCs". My witty response is "Yes, and you drive a BMW. Can you change the cam belt and re-map the ignition".

In other words I can drive a computer but I'm not one to fix them so encryption of the wireless LAN was fun and games.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have the patience of a Saint and that I am sweetness and light to share a home with - I have bound and Gaffa taped TP and 30% in the cellar so they can't come in here and disagree with me.

It wasn't so much the encryption that was the problem it was the connection of my Laptop to the newly encrypted Router that was problematic.

TP has an IPod Touch - He turned it on and pressed the Safari button and it said enter the encryption key. Genius. 20 seconds later he is browsing for whatever it is that 13 year old boys browse for on the Internet.

If it is that simple how come my Laptop required me to search through obviously unnecessary layers of applications to find the fields where I have to enter the key TWICE. It then allowed me to browse the web for important stuff like eBay and Amazon but decided that it should corrupt the software I need to run to allow me to "tunnel" secretly in to Dante's information vaults thereby preventing me from doing the stuff I get paid for.

I now understand why Mac Users are so bloody SMUG.

Anyway - today was a better day - I only had to make one call to the Helpdesk Guys and pay one visit to the Deskside Support team and my laptop has run for 6 hours without screwing up.

Anyway - what was I going to talk about today?

Have you ever had one of those viral mails with "amusing" lists in them - I love getting those - I sit down and think "Hasn't this Git got anything better to do, and for that matter anything original to say". I have constructed a list of people who have sent me unfunny emails, all of which have been prefaced with "You have got to read this" or "You are gonna love this". Come the glorious revolution I am going make them wear long clown shoes for the rest of their lives or cut off their fingers.

I haven't quite decided which yet.

Look don't rush me. One of those lists is Things that your body can't do. You know like sneeze with your eyes open or put your elbow in your ear.

Now first things first the guys who said you cant put your elbow in your ear may only be half right. I reckon that with a dislocated shoulder, a broken humerus and the assistance of a friend there is a good chance that you can put your elbow in your ear. Admittedly the pain might distract from being the first person to do it and I understand that Guinness Book of Records don't cover that type of stuff any more but I think with a bit of application I may have debunked that myth.

So where am I going with this? Well I've got one that I think is a physical impossibility but you are welcome to try and disprove this one too.

See if you can make love to the theme tune of cult cartoon classic Roobard and Custard

Must Dash.