I'm all behind.

I seem to be a day behind in my posting at the moment.

Mind you if your Monday had been anything like mine you would be wishing you were 24 hours behind too.

Now I need to state that I am not fighting crime, cleaning lavatories, serving in the armed forces or tending to the sick or aged and consequently I should just stop my moaning and get a sense of proportion. Fair enough, but if you had to deal with the half wits I come across on a regular basis you would be wondering if a career change to Toilet sanitation at was half as bad as the current one where the crap is virtual, as is the wall I seem to keep banging my head against.

Right, musings on work are done. I don't want to bore you with the minutiae of it because it's not going to make for a interesting read and you're either here for a) pleasure or b) you are carrying out a research project on the decline in value of material on the Internet and the increase in "care in the community" cases that have made it on-line.

I'm pretty sure that it is not c) because you are interested in a bad man's half witted colleagues who seem unable to string a coherent set of simple sentences together explaining what they want!

Right - Sunday - I spent a good chunk of yesterday morning shouting at TP as he had lost his mobile phone.

I know that all teenagers loose their mobile phones. It is a rite of passage thing that, from their perspective, is mega serious but, by some miracle will resolve itself with minimal effort.

Pretty much like Moses coming down from the Mount saying " I had it all engraved on stones but I tripped and I thought they were in my pocket and then I was talking to Saul and the donkey nearly bit me and now they're gone but I think I can remember a couple of them. There was something about thou shalt not covet thy neighbours something or other and another about thou shalt not clean. Yes, I have checked the Arc of the Covenant properly and they are definitely not in there. I'm sure that if I go in to Synagogue next week one of my mates will have it written down."

From my perspective he needs the damn thing so that I can track him down and get him to haul himself home before I starve to death or dinner is "lovely darling but could have been a bit warmer".

I know a SIM card is 99 pence at Tescos and there are a multitude of handsets lying around the house. The reason for the rant was that TP didn't seem overly bothered about looking for the phone relying on the elves to locate it and present it to him on a cushion fabricated from bloody gossamer and flower petals.

My how we laughed when it turned up in the glove compartment of 30%'s car later on the afternoon. Now she has found it I have a vague recollection of telling TP to put it in there out of sight while we went somewhere - probably best if I keep that to myself.

I also spent a good portion of Sunday referring to Eddy as Soup. I explained to 30% that I had found Eddy asleep in the laundry basket and therefore was calling him Soup as a homage to 1970s pub catering. "That's chicken in a basket you idiot" she replied. No wonder I was always hungry and needed clean trousers afterwards was my reposte.

TP and I made up and spent the afternoon patching the lawn as Tyson and Marauder have a more literal scorched earth policy than the cats.

An evening walk and a roast dinner marked the transition to evening then, as is the law, we all collapsed in front of the TV to watch Dr Who - I didn't like the last one and I'm certainly not sure about this one!