If it goes off this could be messy

Today sees me back at work after a week off.

Unfortunately the world hasn't undergone a quantum shift in the past 7 days and stupidity still reigns supreme in the dimensions I inhabit. Still, never mind, the "optimeter" is giving quite a good reading.

Optimeter - Definition, noun . A wine glass shaped device that is filled with a red or straw coloured liquid. By observing the level of the liquid in the container one can determine how the day has gone; well or badly. Paradoxically, sometimes the lower the level, the better the day went.

I have had a call from the Vespa's Senior Consultant to say that she will be discharged next weekend. I have also had some news about the possibility of journeying through a different Circle of Hell at Dante's all of which lead me to think that today is going slightly better than expected.

Eddy has decided to climb on to my lap and give me his own peculiar brand of feline Shiatsu Massage as today is the first day in a week that I have sat in front of a PC for any great length of time, This is all quite charming but Tyson has noticed and, being the possessive type, has put her paws on my lap and her nose millimeters away from Eddy.

This is a "Do I cut the red wire or the blue wire?" moment.

It's not Tyson that is the concern it is Eddy. Since he had his fight with the bear he has a strong sense of his own mortality - or should that be fel ality? I hold my breath as Eddy weighs up Tyson's threat rating. Am I about to have a three legged cat go off in my lap? Basically the table and laptop are going to direct that explosive force right in to my groin, chest and face.I estimate that the explosion is definitely going to be equivalent to having a quantum marmoset reach critical mass.

After tense seconds that feel like eons Eddy slips away under the table and a sense of calm is restored.