It finally arrived ......

Butcher to his wife "I had to let go of Jim today. I found him with his cock in the bacon slicer".

Wife in response "Oh, that's revolting, what about the bacon slicer?"

Butcher "I fired her too"

It is certainly not the best joke in the world but it has a certain relevance today .....

.... first things first, the relevance is tenuous. I have not been dismissed from Dante's for inappropriate relations with company equipment. Anyone who actually reads this stuff will be aware that one of my hobbies is the curing of bacon, plus a singular foray in to air dried ham which will not be ready to sample for another month at least.

To date I have hand hand sliced the cured flitches which is fine and I can make a reasonable job of it. However a Bacon Slicer would allow a decent job right up to the end of the flitch when hand slicing results in a certain nervousness about one's fingers.

Several months ago I mentioned that I was curing bacon to Pat. Pat is an elderly divorcee who lives in the centre of the village. She is quite a character with two Jack Russell Terrers and a penchant for gin. She is a delight; straight talking, independent and a mean cook. Her cottage is right where I cross the High Street when I take T&M round the three miler and we regularly bump in to each other as she is always "coming and going".

"Oh" she said "You must talk to my son; Richard. He is a Butchery equipment supplier, based in Scotland". A few days later she called at the door and thrust a card in to my had. "Call him" she said "He'll sort you out with a slicer".  After having looked on e-Bay I had a vague idea of what I was after but was reluctant to bid on a Slicer without a better understanding. I called Pat's son and he was an absolute star. He talked me through the ins and outs and advised that bacon is one of the most challenging products to slice due to its texture and the expectation of quite thin rashers.

Top end kit runs in to the Thousands but he advised that he would be able to sort me out with a trade in unit for a couple of hundred provided that I would accept a bit of "tailing". This is where the end of the rasher tends to stretch and the final few millimetres of cut is somewhat ragged. As a hobbyist this was not a major issue so a deal was struck and he said that he would drop a slicer down the next time he visited his Mum......

...... and that was the last I heard from him for a good few months until the middle of this week when Pat slid a note through the letterbox. Richard had moved house and had lost my phone number but had not forgotten about me. He was visiting this weekend and I simply needed to call him if I was still interested.

The call was made and I now have a beast of a slicer sat on the island in the kitchen. It may seem an extravagance, perhaps it is, but we home prepare a lot of food that needs slicing from hams for sandwiches to the much mentioned bacon. We did try a domestic slicer that was loaned by a frolleague of 30% but it's performance was inadequate and it's cleaning a nightmare.

I now appear to have another power tool and this one is in competition with the chainsaw for the title of tool most likely to remove Bad man's body parts.