Whiffler shines again at training

I have picked up a new project at work and have also volunteered to cover for a colleague while he is on holiday next week. Things are still very quiet and the lack of incoming work concerns me. Whether these concerns have any foundation remains to be seen. The new project kept me occupied for a while this morning but even that will be slow to get moving as the SME is on holiday until the latter half of the week. As a result I read the minimal information available and set up a call.

With time on my hands I took an hour out from work at lunchtime and 30% ad I headed over to the auction rooms to collect the Oriental Carpet we bought on Saturday. We don't actually know how big it is, as it was covered by a table, several chairs and a number of auction goers at the time of purchase, and it was definitely an impulse buy. The hope is that it will fit in the lounge … we shall see.

We aslo took over three inlaid mahogany bedroom chairs that we purchased a good while back having finally agreed that, whilst lovely, are not really what we wanted or needed. Hopefully these will sell at the auction in a fortnight's time.  The rug was bundled in to the back of the car and we were home before anyone had noticed I had gone.

The afternoon was as quiet as expected and by five thirty I had finished the last call of the day. 30% and I were straight in to the car and off to the Vet's where we had Whiffler weighed* so appropriate doses of wormer could be purchased. We then headed straight over to this evening's puppy training class.

Whiffler did really well and the high points of the session were lying down on his bed on command and also seeking out a treat hidden under one of half a dozen plastic pots. This latter exercise was performed off the lead. I simply let him loose and he trotted down the line of pots, sniffing each one in turn before stopping at the hidden cheese. He totally ignored the class participants and just got on and did his stuff … I was bloody amazed.

Mind you, I can't really claim much credit as Poodles are very bright and unfortunately that secret is out of the bag too. We were chatting to one of our classmates this evening and one of the first things she said was "I was talking to one of my friends the other day and she said Poodles were easy to train". We laughed and agreed that they did make one look like a good trainer.

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* 22.5 Kg at six months of age

Afternoon Tea

First task of the day … well, when I say first task, what I really mean is first task after a few cups of coffee, a slice of toast and a bit of general loafing about. 

So, the heavily caveated first task of the day was an hour long walk around the Three Miler with the pack. The hour long walk was frustrating rather than relaxing, as we were meeting walkers and riders every three or four hundred yards and the dogs needed to be called back and put on their leads at each encounter. I used to enjoy my walks, returning from them relaxed and often with ideas to deal with life and works' niggling problems. However they are far from relaxing at the moment and I just return exhausted, filthy and with significant disdain for those I have met.*

Lunch happened and I had half an hour to fill before I needed to tidy myself up … I'll get to that in a minute … so I grabbed a hammer, tape measure and a picture hook and the Victorian oil of Gypsies by a Campfire is now hung in the dining room.

I then needed to shave and change as this afternoon I had arranged to pay my Godmother** a long overdue visit. At this point I need to make clear that I am crap at keeping in touch and despite receiving a Christmas Card from her every year and only living a dozen miles apart it is probably eighteen years since we last met.***

I therefore assembled the family, briefed them and we drove over to Evesham for afternoon tea with Auntie Joyce. I am not sure what can I say about an afternoon with an Octogenarian chatterbox but the tea was good, the shortbread biscuits were lovely, she is incredibly independent and didn't tell too many embarrassing stories to TP and 30%.  I'm not that great at small talk but 30% was excellent and made sure there were no awkward silences. We had a nice time and I am guessing we may well have her over to visit in the Spring.

Back at home I finally extracted the loin of pork from the cure, washed off the salt, wrapped it in muslin  and hung it up in the kitchen. I'll leave it up there for a week before slicing, packaging and freezing.I also found a few moments to degrease the Enfield's steering stem …

… it looks like I have some more painting to do!

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* I could add hypoglycaemic to this list which might go some way to explaining the disdain
** Auntie Joyce really does merit a veritable plethora of Journal entries and perhaps I will start to jot these down. At this point what I do need to say is that she was the most excellent Godmother, concentrating very much on the mother aspect of the job title and totally ignoring the God element. As a child in the sixties and seventies she used to take me on some quite marvellous adventures including many visits to London. I recall visits to the zoo, the Natural History Museum, the Tutankhamen exhibition of 1972 and even a holiday in Scotland when I was barely eight years old. There was also the trip to Harrods for a diabetic Easter Egg when no other retailer sold them. It was bloody revolting but she cared enough to give it a go. Basically she spoiled me, having not had children of her own.
*** She was out when I dropped off a card and flowers at Christmas 2013

Auction Fever

As I mentioned yesterday, there were a few lots that caught our eyes at the auction viewing. It will therefore come as no surprise that we were comfortably seated, mugs of coffee in hand, in advance of the auction starting at ten o'clock this morning. We didn't have to wait long before 30% was raising her hand and a citrine and diamond ring would soon be gracing one of her fingers.

A while later the jewellery had finished and the Auctioneer had moved on to the paintings. The next lot was a small Victorian oil framed under glass. It was described as Travellers by campfire and is a rural scene of a gypsy family seated around an open fire. Apparently political correctness prevents me from using the terms pikies or  didicoys in association with this artwork. A couple of bids came in via the internet but 30% soon had this one too.

The next lot was my gamble …

... As we left the auction rooms last night I looked up and saw a filthy, unframed oil high on the wall. I could just about make out that it was a horse but it was so grimy that I could make out little more than the general outline. However, something about it caught my eye and, as I looked, the parts I could make out seemed to be very well executed. The Auctioneer advised that it was very early, dating from the 1700's but had no reserve and, at that time, no commission bids. With no idea of cleaning or restoration costs we took a huge punt and this one was purchased too.

It could be going straight back in … depending on restoration quotes!

I wandered off to get more coffee and returned to find that 30% had failed to bid on a large watercolour of sheep that she really liked. Apparently the painting had failed to make it's reserve so we may get another chance at it in a fortnight's time. The next lot was an impulse bid on a C19 monotone engraving of Terriers ratting. It was a steal at twenty five quid and I am certain we can find a spot for it somewhere.

By then we were just about done and should have left but we lingered to see how an arts and crafts hall chair and large oriental carpet fared … hmmm … where the hell are we going to put those!

The rest of the day was fairly restrained by comparison. The dogs were walked around the Three Miler and, for once, it was dry meaning that Whiffler did not need dunking piecemeal in a bucket of water. A lengthy snooze was taken on the sofa and I cooked an enormous honey roast ham.

The Enfield and an Auction Preview

Today I focussed on getting the brake drum / rear sprocket assembly mated to the rear wheel and then getting the whole damned lot installed in the swing arm. It wasn't major pain in the arse but there were a number of spacers, adjusters, nuts and bolts that needed to be assembled whilst holding the now quite heavy wheel in place and ensuring that the frame didn't tip off the wooden supports. It was definitely one of those jobs where an extra pair of hands would have been quite useful.

It all went off without a hitch and the partly assembled bike is a whole lot more stable with the wheel in place. It still needs to have the chain connected and be torqued up but I am in no hurry to do that at present.

I also dug out the battery holder from my stash of powder coated goodies and bolted that back in place. I am probably now at the point where I need to reinstall the loom before I do anything other than assemble the steering stem and forks.

Leaving the bike, 30% and I also headed over to Littleton to preview the lots for tomorrow's auction. There were a few items that caught our attention and all of them were in the first hundred lots …

… It seems likely that we will be returning tomorrow morning.

Fork it!

No photo today, as the Enfield looks pretty much like it did yesterday.

As the thread lock had arrived I was finally able to tighten up the rear sub-frame, torque up the rear shock absorbers and fit the chain guard.  A while later I was surveying the results of my efforts when I had a niggling thought … should I have fitted the seat springs to the rear subframe before I tightened everything up? I rummaged through my box of parts and soon dug out the saddle. A few moments later I was have a fuck it moment. I did, indeed, need to fit the springs to the sub-frame first as the bolts could no longer be inserted in to their holes. As a result I then spent a happy half hour undoing everything and then re-assembling in the right order … arse!*

As the working day came to a close I headed out in to the wilds of the Cotswolds in search of Business Park on the outskirts of Blockley. I had arranged to collect the replacement forks and was soon examining the goods. They look fine as they appear to have never done any miles at all. I have been warned that the brake caliper mounts may need some work to ensure the front disk aligns properly. Worst case scenario is that will need to buy a new fork slider but these forks were an absolute steal and still a bargain even if I do have to fork out** another forty quid for a replacement slider.

Back at home it dawned that I really need to get the steering stem sorted and installed so I can get these forks trial fitted and see how bad the caliper mount really is. I guess that is my weekend plan roughed out.

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* in my defence I will point out that the Trials kit I purchased comes with fuck all in the way of instructions and, consequently, it is left to divine inspiration and a smidgen of common sense to ensure everything is assembled correctly.
** sorry!

I want it and I want it NOW!

Today's news is that my newly shod wheels look fantastic and I foolishly propped them in their approximate positions in relation to the Enfield's frame. The result of this mock up was a huge surge of impatience and it is fair to say that I want it assembled and running NOW!  Fortunately a tube of thread lock arrived in the post today so I at least I can now crack on with it.

The next potential stumbling block was the knackered forks. Late in the afternoon Chris from Redditch Motorcycles 'phoned to say that he had tracked down a possible replacement pair at Watsonian Squire so it looks like I may be heading over to Blockley at some point over the next couple of days. It also means that I need to get the steering stem and head lamp casing back in place ready to receive the forks.

So that just about covers Wednesday. Work is fine but I could do with a little more. The bike project is rolling along quite nicely and I even have a loin of pork curing in the cellar. Bloody hell! It looks like I have been quite busy when I summarise it.

Mostly Bike Stuff

There's not a huge amount to report for today. I managed to find half an hour free in the morning to drop the Enfield's wheels, tyres and inner tubes off at Redditch Motorcycles and they should be fitted and ready for collection some time tomorrow evening. Chris; the proprietor is also trying to locate a replacement set of forks or fork sliders so, hopefully, tomorrow will see newly shod rims and news on my knackered front end!

Progress on the bike has slowed for the past couple of days as an eBay purchase has gone bad and this is holding things up. I need a £10 tube of thread locker to ensure the various components don't vibrate loose and I purchased a tube before Christmas. The demand stuff has still not arrived despite contacting the seller who  allegedly sent a replacement on 29th December. The net result of this supply chain issue is that parts can be trial fitted but I can't torque anything up and move on until I get a 50ml tube of Loctite 243. It is somewhat ironic that parts have arrived from India in less than ten days but a low cost engineering adhesive is taking forever to arrive … mind you, I did need a stock of stainless steel washers too and these should now be winging their way to the Pile too.

All I managed to do today was to trial fit the chain guard. This needs to be installed before the rear wheel can be fitted and today's temporary installation suggest that it's brackets may need a tweak to ensure it will clear the gearbox mounting plates.

That is just about it for today. I have enough work on to keep me occupied which is good but not too much that I am swamped. The only other news s that TP appears to have a very bad hang over after last night's works "do" and has decided to spend the day vomiting and sleeping rather than attending lectures in college …

… That'll teach him!

In the dog house

The first full working week of the New Year and I managed to score a couple of house points at work.

I have been assigned to work with a colleague on an assignment and have been asked to keep an eye on him. This is not a position with which I am wholly comfortable. We have different skill sets and, whilst I am capable of managing the development of an RFP response, working my way through the intricacies of network design and infrastructure is certainly not one of my strengths. I am conscious of my own "developmental needs" am am therefore somewhat reluctant to point out those of a colleague.

Before Christmas I had made some enquiries about this assignment with our Legal and Regulatory Team and they had responded with some clear guidance.* Before I could handle this my colleague had simply chucked the mail over the fence to the Project Manager with a one line e-mail that basically said "what do you think?" I inwardly cursed at this lacklustre approach, completed an impact analysis of the guidance and set out the next steps we needed to take. I described these as "my thoughts" and sent them over to him copying our manager.

The net result of this was that a call was set up using my bullet points as an agenda and I received a call from my Boss. He advised that he had chuckled at my colleague's half arsed approach and then blatant use of my analysis to structure the follow-up call.  I am pleased to be doing well at work but I am not comfortable to be treading over others, however inadvertently, as I progress.

The rest of the working day was reasonably quiet and I managed a circuit of the Three Miler early in the afternoon. Little progress was made on the Enfield although the head steady bar was loosely attached and trial fit of the rear hub took place. I plan to have the tyres fitted tomorrow so the rear hub and wheel may actually be in place later in the week. I carried out some research over the weekend about the possibility of purchasing a set of replacement forks from India. It appears that The Shitter is somewhat peculiar in the front fork department and also an Export Only model. As a result it may be necessary to purchase replacement fork sliders and re-use the original fork stanchions … hopefully more news on this tomorrow.

And finally to the title of today's Journal entry … tonight was TP's works Christmas Do and I was required to collect him from the pub sometime after midnight. I was eventually called by one of his mates at one o'clock and was advised that he was "unwell". I had the foresight to take a bucket with me and soon had a very drunk son, smelling faintly of vomit, sat in the back of the car. Once at home we managed to remove his outer clothes and decided that he was better left downstairs rather than in his room … as a result he spent the night curled up on the dogs' bed with a duvet thrown over him.

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* Clear Guidance from the L&R Team is a bloody miracle in itself. Previous encounters with them have usually resulted in the mindset best summarised as why did I bother!

Just "stuff"

As a result of yesterday's visit to the meat wholesaler, today started with some light butchery. A couple of hours were spent converting a couple of rib eye joints in to steaks and I started the cure of a pork loin.

By the time I had finished Whiffler was getting quite frantic, presumably because he missed a walk yesterday, so TP and I headed out around the Three Miler with the dogs. The dogs might have had fun but it wasn't a pleasant walk. It was very foggy so there was little to see and where the lanes weren't puddled they were covered with a slick of black mud. As a result dog washing was a must when we arrived back at the house.

Having had quite a busy morning I hit the sofa after lunch but rapidly realised how chilly it was. Despite having the heating on, neither 30% nor I felt particularly warm … I didn't take much encouraging to fetch kindling and logs and a fire was soon blazing in the log burner.

A matter of minutes after the fire was lit there was a knock at the door. Jules had turned up to pay 30% a visit so the next hour or so was spent drinking tea and catching up on each others' news. After Jules' departure I found some time to nudge the Enfield project a little further along.

Today's objective was to install the front engine mounting plates. It was a bit of a struggle to align the various studs and nuts with their respective holes in the mounting plates. frame tube and engine cases. It involved some head scratching and use of a steel rod to lever everything in to position followed by rapid insertion of key bolts to hold it all in position. I was fortunate to have TP's assistance with this particular task.

Keeping busy on a rainy day

After more than three weeks at home, with excursions limited to trips to the hospital, 30% was getting somewhat stir crazy …  so this morning we headed out for the mind blowing excitement that is Alcester. The problem we had to accommodate is that she cannot yet walk too far and as a consequence the local hotbeds of sin and depravity; Worcester and Stratford are beyond her limits of perambulation. Alcester may not be the most exciting destination on the planet but it does have very convenient town centre car parking.

As we headed out this morning I took a minor detour and stopped in at Redditch Motorcycles to see how the refurbishment of the Enfield's forks was progressing. I had dropped these off there sometime around the end of October/beginning of November and thought it was about time I checked on progress as it won't be long before I need them. This was today's bad news as the forks were beyond economic repair and it looks like I will need to source a new pair … most probably from India.

We headed on in to Alcester and our first stop was at the meat wholesalers. The net result of this visit was that Sunday is likely to involve a significant amount of butchery, including the curing of a loin of pork. We eventually made it to the town centre, took a gentle stroll up the High Street and a wander around Waitrose before heading home for lunch.

The weather today was vile and a walk was never going to happen so it will come as no surprise that the  afternoon was spent fiddling with the Enfield. The swing arm, rear subframe and new shock absorbers were all loosely installed … I just need some threadlock and I can get it all torqued up.

Back to work

I will freely admit that all I planned to do at work today was sift through the e-mails that had accumulated since the 22nd of December. I assumed that there would be very little to do, so was expecting a fairly lazy day. As I opened up my in-box things were looking fantastic.  There was a bare handful of mails and it was a matter of a few moments work to review and delete the majority of these. I was left with four mails, all bearing the same title …

… As I read through them it rapidly became apparent that I was going to have to do some work and the rest of the morning was spent reviewing the major deals of 2014 and summarising them on to a set of presentation slides. If I am honest it wasn't a terrible job and was far better than kicking my heels in front of a laptop waiting for something to happen, as has been common in recent weeks.

By lunchtime I had cleared the decks and in the early afternoon I headed around the Three Miler with the dogs. There were still hordes of holiday walkers but I am hoping they will disappear over the weekend to wherever it is they come from.

I was back home by mid afternoon and, feeling somewhat hypoglycaemic, stuffed my face with food and snoozed on the sofa whilst my blood sugar levels returned to what is classed as normal in these parts. As soon as I felt reasonably human again I headed out to the garage for some spanners and tightened up the bolt holding the engine mounting plate to the underside of the Enfield's gear box. There was no point delaying any further and I soon had the frame semi-unwrapped and sat alongside the motor.

TP was recruited to provide assistance and, after a lecture that included graphic threats should the frame get scratched, we carefully manoeuvred the frame back around the engine. The job went incredibly smoothly and we soon had the main studs inserted through the frame and the engine mounting plates. It was then a matter of a few minutes work to mount some ancillary brackets and tighten up the frame studs.

The front mounting plates still need to be installed but I am delighted with today's achievement.

Oh Shit, back at work tomorrow

30% and I had watched the New Year in and I had a distinct recollection of TP coming in from work at around two o'clock this morning.* I was therefore less than pleased to wake shortly after seven o'clock this morning but, unfortunately, I was not going to get back to sleep so I rose and started the day at a gently pace.

30% did make a brief appearance but headed back to bed to continue her lie in. In her defence I will point out that she was not hung over as neither of us had more than a single drink last night. After attempting to discuss the apparent necessity for nocturnal discourse** I headed in to the kitchen and cleared the decks. My eyes then fell upon a thawed breast of lamb that was destined to be this evening's dinner.

I was aware that a Lamb Pilaf took some cooking so grabbed a knife and boned and cubed the breast. Ever the completer/finisher I hunted down the recipe book and prepared the dish.  30% and TP wandered in to the kitchen just as I was adding the prepared ingredients to the slow cooker where it would simmer for most of the day.

Relieved of domestic obligations I spent the rest of the morning locating Enfield components that are key in restoring the union of frame and engine. By lunch time I had the gear box mounting plates attached finger tight. I was about to grab a torque wrench and a manual when 30% called me for lunch.

The afternoon saw a walk around the Three Miler. I hope the dogs enjoyed it more than I did. It was frustrating to have to repeatedly put the dogs back on their leads as each group of noisy Christmas Walkers was encountered and there was no rest upon my return as Whiffler was filthy and needed a bath. It is fair to say that I was shattered*** and did little more than light the fire and sit in front of it for the rest of the afternoon.

TP had been working an afternoon shift at the pub so we were together for dinner this evening and settled to watch a film on TV.

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* This would be because my loving partner decided to call across the landing to ask him how his shift at the pub was. Christ! It is two in the morning I do not want to be woken to hear that it was busy. Of course it was busy it was New Year's bloody Eve.
** it is fair to say our opinions differed
*** three large dogs on leads give you quite an upper body workout

Oh, so that's how you do it

This morning started with a trip over to Worcester for 30% to attend a consultation with her Surgeon. He is happy with progress and it looks like she will be visiting the local surgery for wound dressing until her next appointment with him in three week's time.

Back at home I made a start on reassembling the Enfield's kick stand and immediately ran in to trouble. The freshly powder coated parts should have simply bolted together but the bolt had thread damage and was very reluctant to screw in to it's locating hole.

A consequence of this was that lunch was rushed so I could make it over to Hitchocks Motorcycles before they closed for the New Year Holiday. The chaps at Hitchcocks were soon working their way through my hastily scrawled list of replacements for knackered components and then took a look at my side stand bracket. It was a matter of a few moments work for them to run a tap* through the thread to clean it and a shiny replacement bolt was added to my box of parts.

Back at home I soon had the stand attached to the bracket and then I dug out the new return spring …

… Oh shit! How the hell was I going to fix that on the two retaining lugs. The damned thing is made from 3 mm gauge stainless steel and there was no way on Earth I could manage to stretch the thing a micron, let alone the nine or ten millimetres needed to install it. After an extended period of head scratching I stumbled across a nugget of wisdom on the internet. Apparently the technique was to insert pennies or washers between the turns of the spring to extend it and allow insertion.

It sounded simple enough so TP's change jar was raided and I headed off to the garage. The internet did not mention that a vice, garden gloves, mole grips and pliers were also needed to ram a stack of low denomination coinage and assorted washers in to the spring. However after fifteen or so minutes the end of the spring passed over the retaining rod and the spacers were tugged free.

I am hoping, but am far from confident, that the rest of the reassembly is somewhat more straightforward.

The remainder of New Year's Eve was spent at home watching a film. TP was working behind a bar at a local pub so Lord knows what time he will eventually make it back home.

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* A set of these is likely to be added to my toolbox very soon

Meeting up

Monday was taken at a fairly gentle pace. The main event of the morning was a trip in to the hospital at Worcester for 30% to have her incision checked and dressed. We then headed home and 30% hit the sack for a snooze.  I roused her around one o'clock with a light lunch lunch.

The afternoon saw a walk around the Three Miler with the dogs and I must have met Christmas Walkers every couple of hundred yards. This necessitates all three dogs being called back and put on their leads to avoid muddy paws/clean coats or excited dogs/petrified walker type incidents. It is a pain in the arse and I will be glad when the New Year has passed and they will no longer feel the need to take a walk around the lanes.

I snoozed for an hour or so upon my return and also found a few minutes to apply a second coat of enamel to the gearbox mounting plate. As the evening approached we tidied ourselves and headed over to Rosie & Jim's house, taking a minor detour to collect Bond, Moneypenny and their offspring. We had a lovely evening with Rosie serving up a fantastic Jambalaya for dinner. Party games were played and we were introduced to the card game known as Spoons. I am not a huge fan of party games but have to admit that this one was hysterical and I can imagine quite catastrophic when drunk … I was, however, the designated driver this evening.

Picture Post

Today was hardly the momentous of Sunday's. The house is quieter than normal as TP is away at his Grandma's house and 30% and I were hardly rushing to achieve anything. The dogs were walked in the morning, the afternoon saw a visit to the supermarket and then we drove over to see BMS and SMS …

… We were not the only visitors at Dad's house. My Nephew and his partner were paying a visit and had, as expected, announced that Dad's will become a Great Grandfather towards the end of June 2015. After congratulations all round we chatted a while and then headed home.

Once at home; a fire was lit and I soon fell asleep in front of it for the best part of an hour. On waking I did manage to apply the first coat of enamel to the gearbox mounting plate on the Enfield. Bloody Hell! … theoretically I could actually be attempting to reattach frame to engine before I head back to work at the end of the week.

With so little going on I have, again, trawled my virtual trunk and retrieved a photograph from the past to fill some space. This little fellow was a regular visitor to courtyard outside the cottage at Pwll Du. We soon discovered that he could be tempted much closer with dried apricots and here he is munching his way through one of many that we gave him during our stay in April 2013.

Film Review

Today 30% and I sat down to watch a film about a mass kidnapping and the resultant effects of Stockholm Syndrome on the victims.  The quite bizarre aspect of this psychological study was that it was a musical … yep, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers was on TV.

We don't like Christmas Pudding

That is the complaint I hear each and every year from 30% and TP.

I, on the other hand, absolutely love Christmas Pudding* but very rarely get to eat it. Basically after stuffing my face with Christmas Breakfast, various Christmas nibbles and finally sitting down to a humungous Christmas Dinner I have very little room left for a portion of Christmas Pudding and there seems very little point cooking the little fellow just for me.

As a result one of the Kitchen cupboards has, for a few years,  held a box purporting to contain one of the Finest of Christmas Puddings. 30% had extracted it from it's lair just before the 25th and cast a very doubtful eye over the package. The box very clearly advised that the pudding was best before a date in 2012. Eyebrows were raised when I advised that I was going to eat the damned thing at some point over the holiday.

Well today I opened the box and studied the cooking instructions. There are many accounts of food being fit for consumption long after most would have thrown it away. Recollections of WW1 tins of chocolate and Wedding Cakes where the top tier was preserved for a Christening years later all convinced me that the pud would be fine. After all the damned thing was soaked in Courvoisier, what could possibly go wrong?

I pierced the still sealed cover and nuked the pudding in the microwave in accordance with the still legible instructions on the tatty box … about twenty minutes** later I removed the box from the microwave and unpeeled the cover. It was piping hot and smelt gorgeous. I turned it out on to a plate and cut myself a slice of the steaming pudding. A dollop of cream was added and a first bite was taken ...

… it was beautiful, rich, fruity and slightly boozy from the brandy that had preserved it for at least two years beyond what the manufacturers thought best. The strange thing was that both 30% and TP were brave enough to taste it and both said they really liked it.

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* I did order a portion at The Oak when we dined there on the 23rd but it wasn't right. It tasted very strongly of marzipan and the texture was way too dry. I have a strong suspicion that the cheeky buggers simply heated and served a slice of de-iced Christmas cake and had hoped I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Unfortunately my palette is way more sophisticated than that and I fucking hate marzipan.
** 5 minutes on full power, stand for ten minutes followed by another 5 minutes on defrost setting

Mrs Tweedy's Bacon Sandwich

It had been arranged that 30%'s family would visit us for breakfast and an exchange of presents this morning. 30% wanted to present a full-on full English Breakfast until I reminded her of her convalescence and advised that bacon cobs would be served with ketchup of one's choice.*

Shortly after ten o'clock I could be found cooking a veritable mountain of bacon. There were only eight of us so twenty rashers of smoked back were judged ample, placed in a pre-warmed dish and rushed to the table along with two dozen crusty cobs. As the food started to disappear it became apparent that more bacon was needed so I returned to the kitchen and another thirty rashers of finest streaky were cooked and delivered to the table.

Now, I like my food but even I could only manage two cobs, both of which were packed with ample rashers of bacon, so I was somewhat amazed that 30%'s Dad and Sister both managed three. Neither of them are big people, her sister is positively tiny, but Christ can they put food away.

However, neither Roy nor Amy won the pig of the pig award. That honour was bestowed on Mrs Tweedy. At this point I should probably clarify Mrs Tweedy's identity. Back in the Summer 30%'s Mum and Dad did a spot of dog sitting whilst we had an overnight stay with friends in Cheshire. Tyson reported that she had found 30%'s mum squeezing the chickens in order to extract the eggs and from that day forward she has developed a reputation as the nemesis of hens much like the character Mrs Tweedy in the Aardman Animation Film  Chicken Run.

Now our Mrs Tweedy is not a big woman either, apparently there have been occasions when she has borrowed 30%'s sisters clothes.** Hopefully, by now, you have developed a picture of a somewhat shrewish woman with a frame that is erring towards gaunt. Well, this morning I was sat next to her and
happened to notice that a couple of bites in to her first bacon cob she paused and returned the roll to her plate. She opened the already healthily crammed butty and then added several more rashers of bacon to produce a bacons sarnie with a bacon to bread ratio*** even I would be amazed by.

I casually mentioned this to 30% later in the day and she confirmed that she too had noticed this boxing day gluttony and had been equally amazed.

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* Generally I go with brown sauce with bacon and tomato ketchup with sausages. Don't ask me why but to reverse this arrangement is anathema to me … positively a crime against nature.
* The word mutton would normally come to mind but fucking sad and delusional is probably closer to the truth.
*** A mathematical model has been developed here at The Pile that determines whether there is sufficient bacon in the sandwich. At least 20% of the sandwich must be bacon, preferably much closer to 100%

Christmas Eve

After breakfast I hit my virtual "to do" list and extracted the gammon joint from the fridge and the rib of beef from the freezer. The former was taken up to the kitchen whilst the latter was left on a platter in the cellar to slowly thaw. The gammon was put in to a huge pan of water and hefted on to the hob. It was going to take some time to come to the boil so I wandered in to the study and made a start on wrapping 30%'s gifts.

By ten o'clock the gammon was simmering nicely and my wrapping was just about done. This was perfect timing as 30% and I needed to head in to Worcester to have her incision dressed.* TP was left in charge of the house with strict instructions to tidy up and keep an eye on the gammon.

We were home shortly after midday and by the time we had lunched the gammon was ready to be removed from the jam kettle. It was placed in a roasting dish, studded with cloves and basted with brown sugar and honey. It was then roasted for twenty five minutes and emerged from the oven looking quite splendid.

Buoyed by this culinary success I took a ride in to Tesco to pick up a few last minute necessities and to see if there were any bargains to be had. I did return with a Grade A fresh Turkey which had been reduced by twenty pounds but it was not exactly cheap even after the reduction.**

Back at home it was a case of unpacking the groceries and further present wrapping before settling in front of the TV for a film.

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* The nurse seemed to think all was going well but took a swab just to be on the safe side. Both 30% and I took some convincing as the dressing smelt quite unpleasant. If I am truly honest I thought that one of use had trod in dog poo as we drove in to Worcester. It probably needs to be said that I have always had a keen sense of smell.
* Twenty eight pounds, or thereabouts.

Apparently I was given a tailor made leather coat*

Today is my Birthday.

 I woke just before six this morning and wandered downstairs to enjoy an espresso from the new Gaggia. I had spent a while yesterday evening flushing the thing through and grinding some beans so that this morning all I had to do was turn it on, let it heat up and then create a perfect double espresso. Whiffler even slept in so my first coffee of the day was undisturbed by a dog demanding to be let out for a pee.

Eventually 30% and TP appeared and I was rewarded with cards and humorous gifts. 30% presented me with a novelty ice cube tray that produces icebergs and Titanics to be added to one's Gin and Titonic. TP presented me with a large but very light gift that I shook but was none the wiser. 30% warned that it might be fragile and TP advised that it most definitely was breakable. I removed the paper to see that he had been to the Pound Shop to replace the Drain Cover that he destroyed with the wheelie bin a couple of weeks ago … Little Git!

During the morning I actually found 5 minutes to apply a coat of primer to the Enfield's last engine mounting plate while 30% was distracted by a telephone call. As I was cleaning my brushes I was informed that there was a free slot for her CT scan this afternoon so a 2:30 appointment was arranged at the hospital in Worcester.

The remainder of the morning was taken up by a visit by BMS and SMS who called in to pass on Birthday gifts and greetings. BMS advised that he is to receive some important news when his Grandson; Anthony calls in on the 27th … it didn't take Rocket Scientist to surmise that he is likely to become a Great Grandfather at some point in 2015.

Shortly after midday we headed over to The Oak at Upton Snodsbury for a birthday lunch and 30% and I then headed in to Worcester for her 2.30 appointment in the Imaging Suite at The Spire South Bank Hospital on the Bath Road. It was not far off four o'clock before we were back at home.

A good chunk of the early evening was spent lugging enormous presents down from the spare room and wrapping them in front of the TV. As birthdays go this one was par for the course … it had the usual Christmas interruptions plus, on this occasion, 30%'s hospital visit too for added variety.

One day I swear I will do exactly what I want on my Birthday. I know that is a very selfish thing to say but if you can't be selfish on your birthday when can you be? I am also aware that trying to have a birthday with Christmas knocking at the door is like trying to focus on a candle in front of the sun at midday … it ain't never gonna happen.

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* Over the past couple of months I have made numerous visit to Jonny on Stratford Market as he has designed and then fitted a tailor made leather coat for me. It was to be my birthday gift but at the time of jotting this down 30% has made reference to it but has yet to present it to me. I hope it turns up soon it is supposed to be cold on Christmas Day.

A very short week

My annual leave allowance required me to work today before starting my Birthday/Christmas holiday, which will run through until New Year's Day. I therefore had a working week exactly one day in length … I am pretty sure I can manage to make my way through this one without too much trouble.

I managed to make it in to the office just before nine and wandered in to a room that could house upward of fifty people. Today the occupants could be counted on the fingers of one hand. I completed my expenses and then scratched around for something to occupy me … I found nothing so nipped out to visit a couple of local supermarkets in search of a few essentials. One of these was a large gammon joint that is destined to become a honey roast ham. Unfortunately I failed to locate the perfect chunk of pork and returned to the office realising that I would need to visit a third supermarket at some point in the day.

I spent the remainder of the morning chatting to colleagues before making a discreet departure at midday. I then raced around Tesco and finally found a decent gammon joint to be boiled, skinned, studded with cloves, basted with honey and roasted at some point over the next couple of days.

Back at home I was delighted to find that my Gaggia had arrived and it was nice to see TP and 30% too. We lunched and then I set up the laptop in the study and sat in front of it until I decided that no-one was particularly interested in whether I was there or not.

The evening saw a further visit to the hospital with 30%. On this occasion it was a pre-planned visit to see her Consultant. He reported that her histology results were good and made a few tweaks to the treatment plan for her incision to ensure her recovery progresses at the best possible rate.

We headed home greatly encouraged by the consultation and delighted by the histology results. The evening was spent on the sofa as we are likely to be doing for the next few weeks while 30%'s abdomen knits itself back together.

Lazy Day

After yesterday evening's excitement 30%, understandably, was none too prompt when it came to rising this morning. This was very useful as it gave me the opportunity to nip back in to Stratford to purchase a semi-surprise present without a pre-departure interrogation.  Note the use of the term semi-surprise as I doubt it would take 30% more than a few minutes to accurately deduce where I had been and for what purpose. If I added in a couple more minutes I am fairly sure that she could work out what I had bought too.

I was back at home well before lunch and spent the time prepping the Enfield's gearbox mounting plate for painting. It was a matter of rubbing down the still attached mounting plate before cleaning up, degreasing and masking up the surrounding area. I then applied a coat of rust preventative. Primer and enamel will be applied over the next few days.

After lunch I headed out around the Three Miler with the dogs before settling on the sofa for a King-sized nap. I had managed to sleep until the early evening and it was only the arrival of a delivery from the supermarket that stirred me from my slumbers.

If I am honest that pretty much sums up my day as the evening involved a couple of films and little more. I really did have a very lazy day.

An outing, going solo and another trip to hospital

This morning I had a trip in to Stratford planned, to pick up a few gifts and some essentials including coffee beans. It was therefore somewhat ironic that the Gaggia expired when I attempted to produce my morning espresso. I am not exaggerating when I say that less than sixty seconds later I was logged on to the Amazon website and a replacement should be here on Monday.

The trip to Stratford was successful and quite brief. 30% had accompanied me so walking was strictly limited to a few hundred yards and we were back home before the clocks struck eleven. We pottered, took an early lunch and immediately after 30% was visited by a frolleague who also lives in the village. Andrea, the frolleage, had brought along her young daughter Emma and I rapidly grew tired of shepherding three excited dogs in and out of the lounge dependent on Emma's whims …

… I therefore headed out around the Three Miler with all three dogs on my first solo outing.  The new lead seemed to work well with T&M not making any fuss about being attached to each other as they were walked through the village. They only had to endure this subjugation for a few hundred yards at each end of the route as we walked through the village streets. As soon as we were out in they lanes they were released to race about as they pleased. There were a couple of occasions when I needed to get all three back on their leads and this went smoothly although the real test will come when we encounter one of their canine chums and I need to control three very excitable dogs.

After the walk I managed to squeeze in a brief kip before I finally dismantled Whiffler's puppy crate and stored it in the garage. I then managed to relocate the Enfield's engine in to the house on a temporary basis while I paint the one remaining engine mounting plate that cannot be separated from the motor.

I had just finished heaving this heavy lump when 30% appeared and advised that she thought she had just felt her surgical incision tear. I took a look and, although reassured by a complete lack of blood, felt that a trip to the hospital was needed. The hospital staff were fantastic and 30% was immediately shown to a private room and was examined by a nurse and doctor within minutes. Her incision was judged to be healing well with no worrying signs and the tear was judged to be minor and simply needed to be packed and dressed.

Within half an hour we heading home and a Chinese takeaway was ordered en route. It is fair to say that after that "excitement" the remainder of the evening was understandably quiet.

I am now "mince pie enabled"

This morning, yet again, I found myself on the eight o'clock train from Redditch into Birmingham. By a quarter past nine I was strapped in to the Dentist's chair and spent the next forty minutes having my implant tweaked and adjusted until it sat perfectly amongst my natural choppers. Once the cement had set I was released from the chair and I asked if I had to avoid using the new crown for the next twenty four hours. "Oh No" replied the Dentist, he continued advising that the implant could chewed with immediately and uttered the immortal words "You are now Mince Pie enabled".

I do have one further check up in the middle of January but hopefully that will be the last time I need to schlep in to Brum to make a wealthy Dentist wealthier.

That just about sums up the day's most significant event. 30% managed to avoid a return trip to hospital today so I actually managed to get out and around the Three Miler with the dogs. Today's walk featured a trial of the new dog lead accessory that allows both T&M to be attached to a single lead. Hopefully it will allow me to walk all three dogs on my own going forward.

Just Stuff

It will come as no surprise that it was another quiet day and that was just as well as I needed to ferry 30% back in to hospital …

… without going into great detail the removal of her sutures had an unexpected effect and, after a quick call to the hospital, it was felt that she should pop in for them to take a look. As it transpired there were no major concerns and we were soon on our way home.

You would think that 30% would then take it easy for the rest of the day but had, instead, invited her brother and sister over for lunch. As they nattered, munched and drank coffee I headed in to the study and pretended to work on and off for the rest of the afternoon*. As 30%'s siblings disappeared Dr Oranges & Lemons turned up and visiting hours were extended accordingly.

When her guests disappeared 30% was somewhat shattered and disappeared upstairs for a snooze. I did the decent thing and left her to it while I prepared dinner. Tonight saw me deliver a peanut chicken curry** which went down a treat.

The preceding paragraphs hardly warrant publishing so I thought I would pad this entry out with an observation of Whiffler's behaviour that we find rather charming …

… Upon his arrival here at The Pile he was given a small sheep skin rug to sleep on and instantly became very attached to it. Initially this caused a few problems for us, as it was a case of near perfect camouflage when he lay on it, and we would often have to perform double takes to ensure he was on his bed rather than up to mischief elsewhere in the house.

As I said, he became very attached to this rug and after a few weeks we started to notice that the rug seemed to have a life of it's own. It was never where we thought it should be. Eventually we discovered what was going on when we heard an odd scraping noise and saw a very small Whiffler dragging his rug from his puppy crate through to the lounge where, with considerable effort and dedication, he got it up on to the sofa and promptly settled on it. If you imagine a lioness on the savannah dragging her kill in to the shade of an acacia you will get some idea of both the technique and effort Whiffler puts in to this labour.

He has continued to do this and his spot on the settee is regularly to be found piled high with his bedding, toys and favourite chews. This evening he took things to another level when we found him dragging in a sack of dog kibble … it seems he fancied a snack in front of the TV.

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* I did actually have a couple of calls scheduled and only one of them got cancelled
** Think Chicken Satay, but served as a chicken in a peanut curry sauce much like standard British Indian Restaurant fare rather than meat on skewers with a dipping sauce.

Frustration

I'm feeling somewhat frustrated at present as I have very little to do but feel that I should be sat in front of my laptop during the working day. 30% says that I am far too conscientious and advised that one of our colleagues had just posted on Facebook that he was currently attending his daughter's nativity play and many others just bugger off to do their Christmas shopping.

Now don't get me wrong I am definitely winding down for Christmas and have no great desire to work my wotsits off for the next few days, but I also feel that it is wrong to just absent myself from work. I therefore do what I must and only occasionally disappear for a few minutes to complete the odd vital chore. Today I did have one such vital chore and a couple of hours were taken up in the middle of the day escorting 30% in to Worcester to have her sutures removed.

Understandably she was feeling none too lively after that, so I was also on dinner duty this evening. I managed to deliver lambs liver, bacon and onions in a rich gravy to the table along with vegetables and creamy mashed potato perfectly time to coincide with the end of the evening edition of The Archers.

I also ordered a few critical components for the Enfield … this is to avoid further frustration over the holidays, if I manage to reach the point where the engine is ready to go back in to the frame, I don't want to be held up by the absence of a few nuts and bolts.

Picture Post

As things are quiet on the home front I thought I would fill some space with a photo taken earlier in the year when we visited Sri Lanka.

This mother and calf were seen at the Udewalawe National Park.  The area of the park frequented by the elephants is fairly open with low scrub. It makes them fairly easy to spot but it was incredibly surprising how quickly they disappeared from view when they turned tail and wandered away from the tracks in the park. For an animal so large they moved with little or no sound and within a couple of paces seemed to simply blend in to the low scrubby trees.

Other Stuff
The reassembly of the Enfield creeps forward and today I unwrapped the freshly powder coated head lamp casing and installed the upper bearing race and the ignition switch bezel. Both of these needed to be driven in to their respective housings with a hammer and bearing driver and I was somewhat nervous of marking the shiny paintwork. Fortunately the job went smoothly and this casing is now ready to be reattached to the frame where it is a principal component attaching the forks to the frame via the steering head bearings.

I just need to finish painting the engine mounts, polish the engine cases and order some new mounting bolts and the engine and frame can be paired up once more. It all sounds so straightforward when jotted down here, but there is always something else that needs doing too.

It's Quiet ...

… too damned quiet!

It must be the because of the lead up to Christmas but I have very little to do. It is fair to say that I had a very easy day.

A trickle of spare parts arrived for the Enfield and a front disk is now bolted, but not yet torqued, to the front wheel and a pair of shock absorbers are decorating the floor of the Study. A pair of Fork Plug Screws managed to wing their way over from India in just over a week for less than half the price demanded by a UK Supplier … they were only four quid and will catch one's eye every time the speedometer is viewed so definitely worth having in place of the rusty crap they will replace.

The evening saw the final puppy training class of this year. It was the traditional Christmas Party where the training exercises are tweaked somewhat and turned in to party games. It was a bit of a giggle and Whiffler and I managed to take first prize in the Musical Chairs game. TP looked on in bemused fashion as 30% had remained at home to convalesce.

There has always been a pair of us attending the puppy training classes as Whiffler has been somewhat nervous travelling in the back of the car. 30% has, to date, sat in the back of the car and reassured him and rewarded him with chunks of cheese to get him used to the rides. He now appears to be much more confident as he learns that the trips result in fun and games at the classes and I don't think it will be long before he is relaxed and confident in the car.

So that was my day. I am guessing that things are likely to stay like this until the New Year.

I almost forgot ...

A combination of a lethargic diesel pump and the car's humongous fuel tank meant that the car behind me contained a mouldering corpse and a teenager struggling to escape the restraints of a child car seat by the time I had fuelled up at the Supermarket Petrol Station on Saturday morning.

I wonder how my back will be on Monday?

30% has taken the decision to sleep in the spare room during the early phases of her recovery. This is understandable as I too would be nervous of being bumped in the night if I had an eight inch wound down the centre of my abdomen. As a consequence I am sleeping relatively alone* and am amazed at how well I have slept. I do wake in the night when I hear 30% on bathroom visits but I go straight back to sleep and it was gone eight o'clock before I woke this morning.

After a leisurely start to the day, I donned hat and coat and headed outside where I spent a couple of hours stacking the logs that had been delivered earlier in the week.** These are now relatively snug under a tarpaulin and as I finished I muttered the necessary hexes that would bring pain and discomfort on any git that failed to re-cover the stack or in any way caused the tidy cuboid to collapse or be exposed to the weather.***

I had the remainder of the morning free and finally got around to spending some time working on the Enfield. This morning's job  was something of a landmark as it definitely fell in to the category of assembly rather than deconstruction or refurbishment. Today I reinserted the bearing races back in to the frame's neck tube. It is a small, but critical, step forward as this needs to be done before the engine is dropped back in to the frame.

The afternoon saw a walk around the Three Miler with TP and the dogs before I returned to the Enfield. I spent a few minutes applying a coat of black enamel paint to one of the engine mounting plates and then headed out to the garage and recommenced the polishing of the engine cases. The plan is bring the motor in to the house at some point over Christmas so I can paint the gearbox mounting plate … then reassembly can really commence.

The evening saw 30% and I join forces to cook dinner before we spent an evening in front of the TV.

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* With Tyson, Marauder and Whiffler in the house one never sleeps alone.  I woke this morning with Tyson curled up alongside me.
** Tuesday
*** TP, this means you!

Will She, Won't She?

I was up and about fairly early on Saturday morning and could be found heading towards Stratford well before none o'clock.

First stop was at the market to collect the stuffed crocodile that I had carelessly abandoned a couple of weeks ago. It was then a quick rip around the supermarket to ensure that we had the basics in the store cupboard;  beer,  hummus, tortillas … all the crap we eat instead of proper food. I then hit the road with the aim of heading over to Worcester to collect 30%.

As I was about to drive in to the village my 'phone rang … It was TP who advised that 30% had been trying to get hold of me for the last hour. I pulled up on The Pile's drive and called the patient. 30% advised that she might have an infection and that her discharge* was to be delayed, hopefully just until later on today. I was instructed to go about my business.

TP and I unpacked the groceries and lunched before heading off around the Three Miler for a much needed walk with the dogs. Neither Tyson, Marauder nor I had walked since last weekend and we are all looking quite rotund. We really need to improve our exercise regime. As we walked my mobile rang … It was 30%, who advised that she was to be checked later in the day by her Consultant and I should ring around six o'clock for an update.

An hour later we were back at The Pile and had just about de-booted and sought refreshments when the dogs started to bark. I headed towards the back door and was greeted by SMS peering through the gap between frame and door. She and Bad Man Senior had called to pay 30% a visit. They stopped and chatted for the best part of an hour before heading home and, to be honest, I then crashed on the sofa for the remainder of the afternoon.

As six o'clock approached I called 30% and she advised that she was being discharged and I could head over to Worcester to collect her. Shortly after seven we were all back home and attempting to calm a very excitable three dogs who were overjoyed to greet their returning Mistress.

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* no pun intended

Good News

Early in to the "working" day Whiffler yipped which suggested that he needed a pee. I dutifully responded and wandered outside with him. He is a little sod and, even though he needs to pee, will arse around the garden rather than do what he is supposed to be doing. I therefore needed to give him the appropriate command to ensure he "performed".

While this was going on I noticed how bloody cold it was, so I wandered over to the pile of logs that had been delivered earlier in the week and collected a few … having a log burner in the office is a wonderful thing. I wandered back to the house, deposited the logs in the porch and called Whiffler. I was amused to see him race around the corner of the house with a piece of kindling in his jaws. I know it is anthropomorphism but it was as though he was helping me to bring in wood for the fire.

It was a fairly quiet day and I managed to find time to prepare a Shepherd's Pie for dinner during the midday lull.

I managed to escape from the laptop shortly after four o'clock and then had to endure the nightmare crawl down Worcester's London Road towards the hospital. It must have taken me an hour to complete a drive that normally takes twenty minutes.

30% was doing well and her Consultant dropped in while I was visiting. The good news is that after checking her over he feels that she will be able to come home tomorrow.

Apparently I am in charge ...

It is strange waking alone when used to having someone sleep beside you.*

30% is hospital for a few days having had planned surgery on Wednesday. I popped in to see her last night for a few minutes and she seemed pretty good … very groggy, but pretty good considering she had spent a good few hours on an operating table. So, as the title of this Journal entry suggests, apparently I am in charge.

First executive decision of my tenure was that I couldn't be arsed to drop in to the nearest Depot today. Fortunately the God of Proxy Settings** smiled down from above and my laptop agreed to connect to the internet as well as the corporate intranet. This meant that I could semi--fill my day working through some mandated training as the completion deadline is fast approaching.

I had a quick chat with 30% early in the day and she sounded pretty good although she had had a disturbed night as she continues to recover from the effects of the anaesthetic.

I continued my day which mostly involved listening to a series of presentations from an overly personable American. If I am honest I must admit that I tend to multi task and tune him out for much of the time … there are no tests at the end of these lectures!

At lunchtime I threw together a lazy man's curry*** for TP and my supper before heading back to my desk and volunteering to help a colleague on a new project as he will be on holiday next week. A short while after that my Boss IM'd me and asked me to let him know how my colleague got on with the aforementioned project … Hmmm! That raises all sorts of questions and perhaps concerns.

As the afternoon progressed the 'phone rang … it was 30% with a declaration of boredom and a demand that I bring in packets of cheese and onion crisps … Christ she is going to be a bloody nightmare during her period of enforced convalescence. It is fair to say that 30% is piss poor at just relaxing and I think we will need to drug her and tie her to a chair during the early stages of her recovery.

TP and I popped in to pay her a visit during the early evening before heading home for the curry and an evening of Man TV.

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* Mind you I slept like the proverbial log … 30% is not the quietest of sleeping partners!
** One of the more mysterious members of the Pantheon of IT Deities. No-one is quite sure what this God does but they bloody well know when he/she is vexed and wreaks vengeance on his/her worthless worshippers. Pay heed and make regular offerings!
*** Sauce in a jar variety

30% goes under the knife

It was an early start today, as 30% needed to check in to The Spire Hospital in Worcester at 7.30 sharp. Needless to say we then spent a hushed thirty minutes in a full-to-capacity waiting room before she was finally escorted to her room. I lingered for a while, leaving after she had received visits from the Catering Manager and her Consultant.

I was back home by nine o'clock and made a start on my working day. There is not a huge amount to report on the work front and around midday I checked in with the hospital to see how things were going. At this point I should mention that the Surgeon had indicated that she would be first or second on today's list, so to be told that she was still in theatre didn't exactly raise concerns but did make me think that her operation had been more complex than originally thought.*

I phoned again a couple of hours later and was again told that she was still in theatre. I wouldn't say that this had me panicking but it is fair to say that my level of concern increased. It was finally four o'clock before the status changed and I was advised that she was in the recovery suite and should be back down in her room in the next half an hour … that was a relief.

I popped in for a fleeting visit some time between five and six o'clock. It is fair to say that there is huge difference in one's level of reassurance moving from being told that "all went well" to actually being able to make my own layman's assessment. 30% was to be found zonked out in her room. She was connected to a variety of drips and monitoring devices but she looked pretty good and as soon as she spoke it was apparent that she was fine … for someone who had just spent a good chunk of the day on an operating table having had a surgeon rummage through her innards.

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* Her Surgeon had advised that the fibroid was 16 cm x 16 cm x 10 cm but it's precise location was not accurately determined. It could be straightforward to remove or complex if it had become entangled with other organs.

Should I be doing this?

I spent much of this morning pulling together an overview of the latest RFP for presentation to my Boss. In this line of business no-one really likes to say "no" to an opportunity but as I trawled through my notes and applied a bit of common sense it was very much as case of insufficient time and resources to develop a solution for this let alone being able to deliver it should we win it.

As I have already said, nobody wants to hear "no" so I set out my case saying that we should really reject the piece but the best way forward would be for us to demand clear and concise requirements for the required solution elements and we would do our best. No commitments would be made until the request was clarified and that needed to be immediate in view of the fact that this would need to be worked over a period when most people are more interested in turkey and presents.

As I intimated in yesterday's entry, I didn't like the timescales associated with this opportunity. I had discovered that the RFP had been delivered in the second half of October but it had taken the Opportunity Team until the second week of December to come to us for assistance … talk about getting the shitty end of the stick!

The RFP was also for a client outside of the Industry Sector Team in which I work. My experiences with the last RFP demonstrated that getting resources within the Sector Team can be hard enough so very early in my presentation I made these points clear and asked whether we were the right team to be developing this solution.

My Boss latched on to this point and agreed that this wasn't for our team and advised that we should take no further action. He would liaise with the Requestor and inform them of the reasons for our disengagement. I must admit that I was quite relieved. I don't like having no work to do but I prefer my tasks to be challenging rather than bloody impossible.

The rest of the day was the fairly standard fare of calls and e-mail and I finished at a very civilised five o'clock.

A fire was lit in the lounge and I spent a while pottering in the garage which translates to taking a multi cutter to the bolts holding the front engine plate that remains stubbornly affixed to the Enfield's motor … after much deliberation I have decided to reverse the nuts and bolts that mount the plate. This allows me to remove the damned thing from the bike and paint it in the comfort of the house.

There may be some faffing around to get the thing remounted on the engine but it seemed the best way to refurbish it.

What have I done?

I had a chat with my Boss this morning and mentioned that that I was currently kicking my proverbial heels. "Why don't you give Deepak a call" he said "He has just picked up a new RFP and might need some cover".

About twenty minutes later I found myself on the 'phone with Deepak where I learnt that he knew very little about the RFP but had a massive amount of work on and wanted me to lead it. I pointed out that I also knew sweet FA about the deal, but what I had learnt was that the Proposal was due on 15th January. As I was taking the best part of a fortnight off over Christmas there was no way that I could effectively lead this piece of work and, at best, we would have to co-lead it.

Without knowing anything I already knew that this was going to be difficult as getting anything completed over the Christmas / New Year period is challenging. The first thing I did was to arrange a call to try to get an understanding of what the Sales Team and Service Owner actually wanted …

… We spoke late in the day and it is fair to say that we have little more than three weeks to produce a coherent, costed solution and significant, and I mean SIGNIFICANT, chunks of the solution remain ill defined.* As for requirements … if we had them I am not sure we would have the time to read 'em.

Outside of work it was Puppy Training with Whiffler tonight. All went well and my technique for teaching Whiffler to lie down drew praise as I had remembered it from when T&M were puppies. We do, however, need to practice getting him to sit and stay while we walk away from him.

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* non-existent

I almost forgot ...

When we bought the Range Rover there was a strange looking fob accompanying the spare key. After poring over the Owners Manual it appeared to be a remote control that would activate the car's heater on a cold morning allowing one to pre-heat the car.

This was obviously piqued my interest but was of minimal value when we bought the thing in the middle of the Summer. Well, on Saturday morning we had a hard frost and 30% and I needed to be in Stratford early. As I was pottering about the house I looked out and noticed that the car was heavily frosted. I recalled the magic heater fob and retrieved it from the drawer. I peeped out of the door and pressed the button and was rewarded by a humming noise coming from the car. I retreated and let it do it's thing.

About twenty minutes later I noticed that the windows had defrosted nicely and ten minutes after that we exited The Pile for our trip in to town …

… that has got to be the best gadget EVER. The car was beautifully warm and the windows were frost free. There was no need to faff about with ice scrapers or waiting for heated windows to defrost. Simply remember to hit the button half an hour before you plan to leave and you are rewarded with a car as cozy as the house you just left.

Mostly Pottering

This morning we headed in to Stratford early, where we divided and conquered. 30% hit the supermarket to ensure our cupboards were full for the next week or so* while I headed in to the town centre to pick up a jacket and shirt I had ordered from Jaeger.

We were back at home before eleven and I filled the time before lunch putting another coat of enamel on the Enfield engine plates.

Much of the afternoon was spent in front of the Mac finishing off a recent project … The fourth volume of this rubbish is being transitioned from the internet to the physical page and I will soon be  instructing my printers to produce a print run limited to a single volume.

Around three o'clock TP and I headed off around the Three Miler with the dogs. It was bitterly cold out and a fire was lit upon our return. A happy hour was then spent toasting my toes before 30% returned from a shopping trip with Jules.  I caught up on her news … and an enquiry as to whether I might be interested in funding this trip as part of her Christmas present.

This evening TP headed off to a nearby pub for a trial shift behind the bar. We settled in front of the TV with a chinese takeaway and booted up the Apple TV** as an alternative to the pre-Christmas shite the TV schedulers are punishing us with.

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* more on that subject in an upcoming post
** The World's Fastest Indian with Anthony Hopkins, if you are interested

An Interview or a day in Court?

Walking in to work on dress down Friday wearing a suit and tie was bound to draw some curious comments and the majority of these were based on seeking a new job or looking respectable in front of a Judge. The actual reason was that 30% and I needed to be at the Redditch Crematorium by half past twelve for SMS's mother's funeral.

It wasn't exactly a sad day as Kate was well in to her eighties and had suffered from Alzheimer's for many years so this was more of a natural ending than a sad departure. Obviously and understandably there were tears from those who were far closer to her than us. The funeral was as pleasant as they can be and, once again, I was quite taken with the design of the Redditch Crematorium and the view given by the full height windows looking out over the cemetery and the Abbey Park. It was perhaps fitting that the grey drizzle was replaced by a bright December sun as the service progressed.

There would not be a lot more to say about the Funeral if it hadn't been for the fact that both of my Sisters were also present. It is fair to say that we have a strained relationship.* The reality is probably that we have all just grown up and grown apart but there also some unspoken niggles that have festered, particularly with Sara and Emma. As a result we did little more than exchange nods of acknowledgement and terse Hello's before attending the service.

After the service we attempted some small talk and I asked Emma how her new job was going. She returned the question and then 30% offered a metaphorical Olive Branch by saying that perhaps we should consider getting together at some point. I saw Emma's expression grow harder than her normal stern visage and recognised the warning signs … I gave 30%'s sleeve a gentle tug to indicate that this had not been well received.

There then followed a few choice comments where Emma attempted to induce feelings of guilt in me for not attending the funeral of her ex-husband. The fact that she had neither informed me of his death nor invited me to the funeral didn't seem to present any obstacle to her twisted logic. I didn't rise to the bait and simply informed her that this was neither the time nor the place and that I was going outside.

As I said earlier in this entry, it is apparent that there are some family issues that have festered over time and I think 30% managed to knock the scab off one of those metaphorical sores today. As for me, I definitely don't feel guilty and I definitely will not be attempting to build any bridges with my younger sister. She grows more like my Auntie Joan with every passing day from the stern face to the spoilt child demeanour and the expectation that the world should revolve around her. She still has a lot of growing up to do but in her late forties I don't think that is going to happen.

It is quite sad that someone who was so gregarious and personable as a young woman has such a dependency on my elder sister for her social needs and has upped sticks and relocated to Herefordshire after taking a job vacated by one of Sara's friends … talk about living in each other's pockets!**

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* Actually we don't have a relationship. I last spoke to Emma in 2008 and apart from a couple of brief encounters with Sara at Dad's house and at Jeff Wilson's Funeral it has probably been a good five years since I had any contact with her either. I get regular updates on their lives from Dad but that is about it.
** Apparently Emma's company is already loosing it's shine as she has started to critique Sara's parenting of Beatrice***
*** David's four year old niece, who has recently moved in after many suicide attempts and mental breakdowns suffered by her natural mother.

Another quiet day

Thursday morning was filled with a jaunt in to Birmingham for yet another session in the Dentist's chair. This time a number of impressions were taken of my dentition and, all being well, within two weeks my double crown will be ready to be installed in to the titanium socket.

The trip took most of the morning and it was lunchtime before I was back at The Pile. Work is still quiet so the afternoon was spent tidying my in-box and a further coat of enamel was applied to the Enfield's mounting brackets. I did also venture out out the garage with the aim of separating the front disk from the mounting plate but it is way too bloody cold for that at present …

… andI may also need to buy some 1/2" Hex Sockets too.

Haircuts all round

I was up, suited and booted and out of the house a little after eight this morning. Tyson and Marauder accompanied me as today it was a case of haircuts all round.

Normally I try to avoid the office if work is quiet but I desperately needed a trim so I volunteered to drop T&M off at the Groomers and kick my heels in the office until they were ready to be collected. As I have intimated, it was a quiet day and apart from a wander across the road to the local Barber and a couple of calls I wasn't exactly busy. The Office was quiet too so neither were there a huge amount of colleagues to pass the time with either.

Eventually I received the call and was able to make my escape a few minutes after four o'clock. T&M look superb and I really must try to get a decent photograph of the three dogs whilst they all still look salon fresh.

It was a quiet evening at home with not a lot to report apart from a further session of enamel painting. It is going well but I am taking a slow approach, curbing my natural impatience in the hope of achieving an attractive and durable finish.

Picture Post

It was very much a "slow news" day today and, if I am totally honest, I had very little to occupy me. As a result I took some time out in the morning to get the first coat of enamel paint on the Enfield's engine mounting plates. It seems to apply far better than the primer but I will not be able to make a proper assessment until I have a second or possibly third coat applied.

I could just leave it at that but this would then be judged a half arsed Journal entry at best. I have, therefore, rummaged through my photo archive and selected this as a space filler …

I took this snap at a living exhibition of tree frogs at the American Museum of Natural History back in August last year.

What ?

Monday was a relatively quiet day so I thought I would jot down a couple of random thoughts to fill a little space.

Firstly, I need to consider a follow-on series to Marauder's Bumper Book of Crimes …

… On Saturday I wandered back in to the house after our shopping trip to Stratford and TP asked whether I had left my glasses on the coffee table in the lounge. I confirmed that this was likely and he then wandered off in that direction. Moments later he returned with a pair of very mangled titanium armed, frameless spectacles. It appears that Whiffler had managed to strip the rubber grip from one of the arms and the lenses now bear his teeth marks.

They went straight in the bin and Whiffler was given an evil glare.

The second was a discussion TP and I had about who would win in a fight between a crocodile and a reindeer …

… Initially this seems to be a no-brainer with the croc rapidly dragging Santa's steed beneath the muddy waters and twisting chunks of flesh off the still living body with the traditional death roll. However, if you give this one some thought it all depends on whether this is a home or  away match from the croc's perspective.

If this death match takes place out on the Arctic Tundra that ectothermic reptile is going to be somewhere between sluggish and immobile and the odds of the reindeer winning increase massively.

Hold tight as I am now going to make a massive change of course …

… This evening we had an early dinner, loaded ourselves in to the car and headed over to the Malvern Winter Gardens to see a touring production of the 50's musical; Calamity Jane. It was a super show with an incredibly talented cast that not only acted, danced and sang but also played the score too.

In some ways it was a wander down memory lane as, when I was a young child, my parents had the sound track and I can recall my elder sister playing this* on the record player on Sunday mornings. As a consequence all of the tunes were familiar and I thoroughly enjoyed the show. One of the things that struck me was how far removed a musical is from the type of entertainment prevalent now. The 50's musical was actually a legacy of the Victorian Musical Theatre and consequently worked perfectly on a stage. It was, however, quite surreal at times and I did, on occasion, wonder if I was having some form of flash back!

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* She was also very fond of Oklahoma and Frank Sinatra's Songs for Swingin Lovers

Hell, it's December tomorrow!

My first activity on Sunday morning was to give my engine mounts a quick rub down and get a third coat of primer on them. I had added a dash of thinners to the primer, changed my brush and it has made a world of difference. With a fair wind I should get some enamel on to them at some point in the coming week.

Painting activities took me until just before ten. The local feed store doesn't open until then on a Sunday so I was then able to head over there and pick up enough layers pellets and wood shavings to last us through until the New Year.

The remainder of the morning was spent out in the garage where I attacked one of the gearbox mounting plates with a mini sanding drum on the Dremel to remove the corrosion and remaining paint. These mounting plates are going to be a pig of a job to paint, and achieve a reasonable finish, as the garage is unheated and that is before I list the accessibility issues presented by them being bolted to a bloody great big engine. I guess I will just have to persevere and trust to good fortune.

After lunch I had summoned sufficient enthusiasm to unload 150Kg of chicken food from the car along with a huge bale of wood shavings. I also managed to get a coat of rust inhibitor on the mounting plate I had stripped earlier in the day. Late in the afternoon TP and I headed out around the Three Miler with the dogs before returning home and doing very little for the rest of the day.

I know just the spot for it ...

I suppose it must be that time of year as, yet again, we found ourselves in Stratford this morning.

The main purpose of the trip were fittings for a couple of items of clothing and the collection of a large leather beanbag but we managed to find a pair of presents for 30% and also one for TP too. We also managed to get mildly squiffy on the free Prosecco offered at Jaeger. I generally tend not to drink until the sun is well over the yardarm but must admit that a large glass of pink, sparkling stuff at ten in the morning does tend to take the edge off the irritations of Christmas Shopping.

We also took a wander through the antiques stalls in the market and it was there that I spotted the must have item … at front and centre of one of the stalls was a small, vintage stuffed crocodile. Our eyes met across the crowded market and through a tightening throat I uttered the immortal words "I fucking love that". 30% looked horrified but before she could intervene I had committed to the purchase and money was changing hands. She did however manage to dissuade me from carrying the small reptile around the town and it was left for collection upon our return to the car.

We went about our business and eventually headed home. It was only as I was about to sit down to lunch that I realised that my beloved crocodile had been forgotten. It goes without saying that I lay all blame for this with 30% as there was no way that I could carry a large leather sack full of polystyrene beads, walk AND remember the earlier purchase of a taxidermied crocodilian. Fortunately we had the telephone number of a Stall Holder* on the same market who was more than happy to collect and hold the beast until we can collect him in a couple of weeks time.

The afternoon saw us totally ignore the threat made by the Dog Groomers and we took a walk around the Three Miler. It was filthy out there and Whiffler's lower half was covered in shite by the time we wandered back in to the house as the sun started to set.

If I am honest I really just wanted to spend the evening in front of the TV but we had promised to attend a show that had been put on by the local Am Dram group at the Village Hall. This rash promise had been made because TP had volunteered to work the lighting and sound console for the production and we felt that we should do the right thing. I'm not really sure how to sum up the evening so I will just stick with the lager was reasonably cold, at least I hadn't had to travel far** and I did manage to laugh in the right places … most of the time.

I also have a cold coming on.

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* The artisan leather worker who had constructed the fabulous leather beanbag that caused crocodilian amnesia in the first place.
** 400 yards

Whose dog are you?

This morning I ran a razor around my face, threw on a tidy…ish pair of jeans and headed towards the Nearest Depot.

I should have been accompanied by 30% but she had woken to an horrific migraine and preferred to lie in a darkened room only venturing from her bed to vomit.* It was therefore left to me to drop Whiffler off at the Dog Grooming Salon and head in to the Office where I spent a happy few hours chatting to colleagues, filling in an expenses form and grudgingly completing the final field on my on-line appraisal form.

By two o'clock I was done and my colleagues were silently wishing me to go so they could get on with whatever had dragged them from home in to the office on a Friday. Fortune smiled on them when the Salon called to let me know that Whiffler was ready for collection. I headed down the road, wandered in to the Salon and was greeted by this …

I had left them a fluff ball of a puppy. Admittedly he had been a very large fluff ball of a puppy, but I had returned to collect very attractive coiffed young dog. I had forgotten the shock of how different they look after their very first clip. Apparently he had behaved beautifully during his wash and cut and I was threatened with dreadful retributions should I consider taking him for a walk down the muddy lanes for at least a week. I was also asked if I would like to consider buying shares in the Grooming Salon as T&M are booked in for a clip next Wednesday!

I headed home and finished my working day from the study. That really sums up the day. I did need to head over to Worcester and drop off a pair of Peter Gabriel tickets with Jules as 30% was in no fit state to head over to the NEC this evening. I then settled on the sofa for the evening and as the hours ticked by I felt less and less chipper …

… I don't know if it was the bad night's sleep I woke from this morning or if I had a cold coming on. What I do know is that I felt quite yucky and was glad when TP came home and I could lock up and hit the sack.

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* This statement might seem a little "cold" but after more than a dozen years together I am well versed in the lore of the migraine. There is nothing I can do but just leave her be and let it dissipate over the course of the day. Questions like "How are you" or "Do you need anything" are pointless and simply an unwelcome intrusion in to a world of pain and nausea.

It's that time of year ...

... for most of today I experienced rising panic as I stared at the Neat & Tidy Piano Movers' On-line Appraisal Tool. What on earth should I write? What have I done over the past twelve months to justify my continued employment as a Junior Shifter? I bloody hate this self-justification exercise and am absolutely certain that much of the angst comes from my twelve years of servitude at Dante's Nine Circles of Hell. I'm not going to start a rant about the perverse aspects of their staff appraisal system. I am sure there is a Journal Entry from a couple of years ago where I moan about it and a recent blog post by an ex-colleague suggests that things are probably worse there rather than any better. What I do know is that I am somewhat scarred by Dante's appraisal system and consequently have the same expectations here at the Piano Movers. 30% is far more relaxed about it and tells me that I shouldn't worry. My Boss loves me and the grading decisions have been made already. Apparently all I need to do is enter a few concise notes that simply say that I succeeded in or delivered my various objectives. I'm not so sure ... what if I miss out a critical piece of evidence and my career dissipates like mist in the early morning sun or, likely more accurately, like a small antelope with a bad limp wandering past a starving lion. I guess I should relax but it is hard when it is my livelihood that is at stake.

I approached the day on a task and reward basis. Each time I fancied a cup of coffee or food I made myself enter the evidence for one of my dozen objectives before I allowed myself the luxury of getting up to seek sustenance. By the end of the day I had entered results against all but one of my objectives and I have until Monday to complete the exercise. I still find it surprising how relieved I feel when I can finally press the submit button and get this crappy task completed.

In the late afternoon TP and I took the dogs for a walk around the Three Miler and we then had an early dinner before heading over to the NEC ... A colleague at work had tickets for Lee Mack's Hit the road Mack tour but was not able to attend. As a result TP and I found ourselves in pretty good Block A seats to enjoy the spectacle. The warm-up act was an appalling misogynistic throwback to the seventies and I was relieved when his half hour finally drew to a close. Mack, on the other hand, was a delight and his set was filled with laugh out loud moments.  A definite 8/10. This would have been a higher score but there was no free tin of Spam.*

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* a running gag coming out of some audience interaction.