Should I mention the hose pipe?*

 Friday was warmer and I was slightly more enthusiastic than yesterday.

Whiffler seems to be improving slowly, but he is still not ready for any exercise ... despite his clear enthusiasm when I gathered leads and poo bags for this morning's walk.

The wander around the Three Miler was enjoyable and, in complete contrast to yesterday, no coat or hat was needed.

The afternoon saw The Coven assemble on the patio and partake of tea, coffee and cake. Various characters were assassinated and much cackling could be heard.

After a few minutes of chat, I left them to it and headed in to the greenhouse. I spent the next couple of hours pricking out my tomato seedlings  and thinning out the brassicas. 

I think that I left this year's planting a little late, but there is nothing I can do about it, just wait and see what the harvest looks like.

---

* After the Coven departed, 30% decided to switch on the well pump, unreel the hose pipe and fill the water butts. After about half an hour she wandered in with a sheepish look and requested assistance. I wandered out to find the hose reel dismantled from the well pump.  30% reported that the hose had stopped running and she had returned to find water gushing everywhere. Now I am well aware that my wife is, shall we say, a little heavy handed, and I would guess that she had give a hefty heave on the hose rather than return to the reel and sort out the issue. Anyway, she attempted to demonstrate what was wrong and I could immediately see that she hadn't got the foggiest idea what the problem was. The poor girl was attempting to reconnect the well pump to the reel in a way that would have meant that the reel wouldn't wind the hose back in, and the water wouldn't flow.  I worked out what was wrong and soon had it all sorted and operational ... I did notice that there was a pinhole in the well feeder pipe, but that can wait until tomorrow. 

For clarity; my dear wife has many, many fine qualities, but analysis and mechanical aptitude are not amongst them.

Holding Pattern

 The weather today was grey with a cold wind blowing in from the North East.

It was a day when I really did not want to be outside and a complete contrast from the balmy weather in the preceding weeks.

Hobson and Dog #4, aka The Rat, were keen for a walk*, so I donned a hat and coat and took a wander around the Three Miler. There have been many occasions recently when I have made poor clothing choices when walking**, but today's choice of warm outer wear was spot on.

Back at home I made an executive decision, and the rest of the day was designated an indoors day.  I curled up on the sofa and alternated between sleeping and reading.

So that is it for Thursday.

There may be other news in due course, but I'm in something of a holding pattern at the moment. 

I did also bump in to Pete The Beekeeper yesterday and he strongly recommended that I get my current crop of honey extracted before it sets in the comb.***

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* Whiffler was too, but he is confined to home until he recovers from his neck injury

** The Drag Queen look and the back half of a pantomime horse have not been my wisest choices for dog walking.

*** There is likely to be a high proportion of Oilseed Rape (Canola) nectar in the honey, and this will set and crystallise in the comb, making extraction nigh on impossible.

And now there are three?

This morning started with an incredibly exciting job. I emptied a couple of our compost bins. They have not performed well and I was rewarded with a compressed mass of fibrous material that looked nothing like the fine, dark tilth I was hoping for.

This poor performance from the compost bins was expected, as I was well aware that we hadn't been conscientious in layering browns and greens. Neither had we been keeping the bins moist. Todays plan was to restart our composting on a more sound footing.*

After emptying the compost bins, I pulled the lawn mower from the shed and attached the grass box. I then hit the lawns and soon had a large pile of grass clipping piled up behind Rose Cottage.  30% assumed compost making duties and was soon carefully layering the clippings, old compost and chicken coop detritus in the bins.

Hopefully we will have some reasonable compost in a few months time.

I managed to mow virtually all of the lawns, leaving only the verge at the front of the house and the small patch by the garage until tomorrow.

I then pulled on my bee suit and headed up to the orchard to inspect the colonies.

Hive #1 is doing beautifully. The three supers are all filled with honey and the bees are in the process of capping off the cells.  I worked my way through the brood box and, again, failed to spot the queen, but the sight of eggs** and larvae indicate that she is present and laying. I added another super and closed up the hive.

Hive #2 is doing well too. Its supers are good, but not quite as heavy as those in the other hive. However, on checking the brood box I was disappointed to find a capped queen cell. This was a sure sign that the colony is preparing to swarm.

I headed back to my store room and grabbed the components to make up another hive. Basically I created an artificial swarm by locating the queen and introducing her, along with several frames of brood, stores and worker bees, into another hive. Hopefully she will think that she has swarmed and set up a new colony in hive #3.

As for hive #2, I need to leave it well alone for three or four weeks. Hopefully a new queen will hatch, mature and have a successful mating flight, before returning and continuing her mother's fine colony.

Last job of the afternoon was to take Whiffler to the Vets.  He seems to be improving, but is still not fully recovered. He is also classed as a senior canine, as he is now in his eleventh year, so he is no longer as robust as he used to be.  The Vet thinks he has injured his neck and has dosed him up with high strength doggy painkillers. 

The poor boy is now snoozing. Lord knows what he is dreaming with the amount of opioids whizzing around inside him.

---

* The shavings and chicken manure from the coop make splendid browns, and we will have plenty of these going forward. More than half an acre of lawns mean that I am never going to be short of greens.

** With my eyesight there is no guarantee they are eggs!

Shovelling Shit

 No, I have not decided to return to the world of work.

But I have spent a good proportion of my day shovelling shit.  Not the proverbial shit that abounds in ever increasing quantities in the corporate world, but honest, authentic, and well rotted horse shit. For clarity, the stuff that appears regularly from the back end of a horse.*

It has been a couple of years since we added any organic matter to the veg patch and I would like to ensure that we maintain both fertility and the quality of the top soil. 30% has therefore been in contact with a couple of her friends that have a stable just down the road. 

They are very conscientious horse owners, and regularly poo pick their paddocks, to keep the pastures at their best.  This means that they have large heaps of well rotted horse manure that is just perfect for laying as a mulch on top of our veg patch. Just to stress, this isn't the clearings from stables; horse manure mixed with wood shavings.  This is 100% horse manure, that has rotted down over the past couple of years.

Following on from yesterday's abortive trip, we headed over there this morning, and I spent an enthusiastic thirty minutes filling our trailer to the brim with this lovely composted material.

Back at home I spent a further hour moving the manure and spreading it on the veg patch. I estimate that I could do with another four or five trailer loads to cover the entire vegetable garden and will be nagging 30% incessantly until she makes the necessary arrangements.

The rest of the afternoon was spent back up in the orchard with The Beast and the brush cutter. I can't exactly say that I have finished up there, but it does look a whole lot better.

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* As opposed to the stuff that regular spouts from the front end of a senior manager or any sales executive.

Have we been overdoing it?

We are a little concerned about Whiffler.

He was fine on yesterday's walk, but has been in considerable discomfort since. He appears to have pain in his left shoulder and is definitely not himself.  The poor boy is currently dosed up on a canine painkiller, and is doing his best to find a comfortable spot to settle, away from any disturbances.  We'll be keeping a close eye on him over the next couple of days and he may well be in to the Vet's on Tuesday if there is no sign of improvement. 

Now on to Sunday.

I wouldn't normally recount my early morning poultry care activities, but this morning I had an unexpected surprise. After refreshing their water, giving them some food and opening the pophole, I wandered around to the rear of the coop  and checked the nest boxes for eggs.  As I closed up the nest boxes I hear a rustle in the long grass behind me.

I turned and was surprised to see a Peahen no more than five feet away from me. She didn't seem worried. In fact she seemed to be drawn to the activities of tending to the chickens. I haven't a clue where she has come from as there are no peafowl in our immediate vicinity ... we would have heard them if there were! I decided to throw her a handful of layers pellets and hope that she would find her way home.*

The rest of the day panned out as follows.

We had a short run out with the trailer hitched to the X3. The plan was to pick up a load of horse manure from some friends, but a communication cock up meant that the gates were locked and we returned sans merde.

I spent the rest of my time attacking the long grass in the orchard with The Beast. I estimate that I have now mowed about three quarters of the grass and I am bloody exhausted.  The ground is riddled with dips and mounds and the grass is at least eighteen inches in length. It is fair to say that it is quite a struggle ... and I haven't tackled the steep bank at the rear of the plot.

I can only hope that it is improving the strength and mobility in my shoulders in preparation for the fast approaching motorcycle tour.

---

* 30% saw her later on in the morning heading towards the village. 

Winding down

 Saturday started with a walk around the Three Miler with the dogs.

The weather is still dry and sunny, but the wind has changed and there was a cold breeze.  I was glad I remembered a hat. I do feel the breeze on my scalp these days!

Today was never going to be particularly productive, as I was clay shooting in the early afternoon. I did manage to pop out and buy petrol for the lawn mowers and was amused to see a couple of people doing the same at the filling station.  I guess the bank holiday weekend will resound with the roar of little petrol engines.

Shortly after lunch I headed over to the Cotswold Shooting Ground and met up with Bubbles and Ben. We had an amusing couple of hours shooting clays and my performance ranged from competent to appalling. I ended up with a score of 39/80.  The score really didn't matter, we spent the time ribbing each other and winding down after a busy few days.*

Back at home, 30% and I headed up to the orchard in the afternoon. A Passiflora was relocated from the side of the house to the recently installed trellisses, and a Wisteria was planted at the foot of a tall and spindly apple tree.

Now we need to wait and see if they settle in, and start to grow.

---

* Busy for Bubbles & Ben. Actually, looking back at the week, I've been quite busy too.

Shattered

After yesterday evening's gluttony I did not feel my best this morning.

As a result I did little more than potter for the early part of the morning.  An hour was taken up with another solar energy consultation and today's salesman was doubtful that our planned panel locations would actually be effective.  It may be challenging to come up with a solution that will actually work here.

After Mr Solar departed I mortared the downpipe in to place and then had lunch.

After eating I felt exhausted and took a kip on the sofa. I woke an hour later and felt worse than before. I decided another hour might help and took to the couch once again.

I woke feeling somewhat better and decided that I really ought to achieve something today.

I therefore dragged The Beast from the shed and made a start on mowing the orchard for the first time this year. I managed to complete about half of it before the dinner gong* sounded.

I certainly got some exercise this evening!

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* The dulcet tones of my good lady

Packing it in

A few days ago I noticed yet another little job that needed doing.

This is the general theme when you live in a very old house that has had minimal, and generally bodged, maintenance over the preceding forty years.

This little job was the replacement of the downpipe from the gutter that runs around the outhouse at the South Eastern end of the cottage.  It was clear that it had been broken, probably by a lawn mower, several years ago, and "repaired" with heavy duty tape. That repair had failed eons ago and it's rectification had just made it on to my to do list.

First thing this morning I headed in to Redditch and picked up a length of down pipe, a replacement bracket and a bag of ready mixed mortar.

I then spent the rest of the morning removing the damaged down pipe and getting the replacement cut to size and fitted. It should have been a relatively short job, but it was complicated by the fact that the steel screws in the brackets had rusted to the point where they did not want to come out, and I needed to fabricate a fitting to allow me to mortar a 65mm square downpipe in to a 100mm diameter circular drain pipe, whilst avoiding clogging the drainage system ... nothing is ever straightforward here.

The afternoon saw a ride out on the R1250 with Charlie. Our route took in a selection of twisty roads that took us over to Stratford, via Bidford, then out on the Shipston road, before cutting over towards Broadway. From Broadway we rode on to Childswickham, Hinton on the Green and Elmley Castle, before reaching Pershore.  Our return leg took is along the B4084 to Evesham and then back home via a few of the Lenches.*

On our return I had time for a quick drink before I needed to get clean and tidy.

30% had arranged for us to attend a taster menu at Redditch College. We were joined by Mummy Sheila and this evening's International cuisine was Mexican.

I have to say that it wasn't their best offering.  There was plenty of food and it was cooked reasonably well, but I am not a fan of sweetcorn and sweet potato fries and I bloody loathe fresh coriander.** 

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* A cluster of villages and hamlets, each of which is called a Lench e.g. Church Lench, Ab Lench, Sheriffs Lench etc.  I am informed that the name Lench comes from the Old English word "hlenc", which means "hill aside".

** Cilantro

Trellis and Tai Chi

The weather was forecast to be very warm today, so my first duty was the get the dogs walked before the heat of the day.

On my return I grabbed a few tools and my recently assembled trellis and headed up to the orchard. Fitting it was straightforward, once I had managed to shoo away a particularly obstreperous bee. It seemed to think that I was going to attack its hive ... perhaps it knows more than I give it credit for.*

Anyway, back to the trellis. It looks good, but, as suspected, I really do need to make and install another one to benefit the climbers** that are starting to ramble over the sides and roof of Rose Cottage.***

That decision set the agenda for the afternoon. A second section of trellis was constructed and fitted. The stroppy bee made an appearance too, and I did actually don my bee suit to keep the little bugger from stinging me!

Tai Chi has restarted, after the Easter break, so this evening saw me back at the Parish Education Centre. It was a really enjoyable session and I was very surprised at how different I felt afterwards.

I had arrived for the class feeling creaky and lethargic. I left feeling much more lively, after an hour of concentration and coordinated exercise ... If only they could bottle it!

---

* At the rate that the colonies are producing honey, I could be harvesting at the beginning of June

** There is a climbing rose and a honeysuckle that were planted there last year. 30% plans to put a Passion Flower in there too.

*** A corrugated iron shed that has settled, at a jaunty angle, in the top corner of the orchard.

It seems that I over ordered

Today started with a trip to the dentist for a small filling. 

It must have been tiny as the dentist informed me that no anaesthetic would be needed.  I can't say I was delighted at this news, but it was painless, and I was out of the chair and on my merry way home in under fifteen minutes.

I arrived home to find 30% deep in conversation with a chap who had come in response to an enquiry about having a solar array fitted to the outbuilding roof.*

The consultation was long and very detailed, possibly an hour longer than we would have liked, but we are definitely keen on moving forward with the installation of panels and a storage battery.  Apparently it is possible to purchase off-peak power and store it in the battery and then sell it back to the grid during peak hours for nearly three times the price! That was obviously a headline claim, but the full range of benefits of home produced electricity make a compelling argument.

Also, I quite like the idea of actually being able to claim that I own a power station.

Having eventually got rid of the solar energy chap, I donned my bee suit and headed up to inspect the hives. Both were doing incredibly well. The supers on each hive were crammed with honey and the bees are in the process of capping off the cells.  I estimate that each hive has about sixty pound of honey stored already.

There are a couple of fields of oil seed rape nearby and the bees are definitely foraging on that. They are also busy in the apple blossom, that is making the orchard look quite beautiful at the moment.

Another super was added to each of the hives and, weather permitting, I wouldn't be surprised if these were filled over the coming week. I should add that one of the colonies was storing so much honey that the queen was running short of space to lay eggs. I had to remove a brood frame of stores and add a frame of foundation in its place. I hope to see that fully drawn out in to comb, and filled with eggs by next week's inspection.

And now to the title of today's Journal entry.

Back in March I ordered some timber for a few projects. The order included roofing laths and these were used as spacer material for the security bars that I have just finished fitting.  I massively overestimated the amount I needed and now have about forty meters of roofing lath sat in the car port. 

When I say I over ordered, I think I may have included sufficient material to make a couple of trellises.  I installed a couple of sections of trellis to the side of Rose Cottage last year, and I have a vague recollection that I ordered sufficient laths to also knock up a couple more sections.

Anyway, after inspecting the bees it was too early to do nothing, but too late to start anything complicated. So I grabbed a tape measure, saw, hammer and nails and assembled a section of trellis.  

It wasn't really on my to do list, but 30% does want to move a Passion Flower vine up to the orchard.

---

* An acquaintance had piqued our interest in solar energy when he advised that the sub-optimal panels on his home were yielding a better return than having the financial outlay invested in an interest bearing account.

There and back, twice!

 I was up early and had the R1250 out of the garage before eight o'clock this morning.

The reason for this early start was not a run out to the coast, or any other such pleasurable outing. I needed to get it over to the Motorrad dealership in Cheltenham for them to take a look at the gear change issue. 

It was a boring thirty mile run in rush hour traffic, and most of it was on the motorway. Having dropped off the bike and given yet another run through of the erratic gearbox problem. I headed back home on their courtesy bike. It was a little G 310 R and I can safely say that the M5 was not its natural habitat.  It is a low powered, single cylinder bike more at home whizzing around town with a yoof on board.

Anyway, having soundly thrashed the little 310 R, I arrived back home and spent a frustrating few hours fitting the last of the security bars to the back window of the workshop. Basically the bars were slightly oversized and I was not able to fit them to the exterior of the building.  I did manage to get them installed on the inside of the window, but extra fixing holes were needed in the bars, and I will to install an extra stud in the wall at some point in the future.

We also had on-site entertainment this afternoon as 30% had arranged for a mobile tow bar fitter to come and fit one to the X3.* 

The BMW dealership rang midway through the afternoon and advised that my bike was ready for collection.  They could find no problems with the gearbox and advised that it is as expected for a bike with such a low mileage.  It seems that they think that it will smooth out with a couple of thousand miles on the odometer ... I bloody hope so!

This meant that I had to endure another thirty miles on the little 310 R. It may be small and nimble, but it is bloody noisy and woefully underpowered after riding the 1250 R.**

I didn't hang around at the dealership and was soon back on the M5 for the fourth time today.*** By the time I came off the motorway at the Worcester junction I was heartily fed up with the route. As an alternative I came home via Pershore and Evesham just to add some variation to the journey.

And that pretty much sums up my day. Up and down the bloody motorway ... Twice!

---

* We have had no towing capability since the departure of the Defender at the end of March.

** The 310 produces about 34 BHP. The 1250 R delivers 134 BHP once it has been run in.

*** Remember I did this round trip last Tuesday with the car.

A more relaxing day

I did indeed have a more relaxed day today.

The morning was spent dealing with the last couple of batches of honey. It is now bottled, and word seems to have got around, as my local customer base are already making purchases.

The rest of the morning was spent cleaning and tidying up the utility room, having dealt with the 30lb tub of honey.

In the afternoon I took advantage of the fine weather and headed out for a ride on the R1250R.  The mileage is creeping closer to the point at which the first service is due, and I managed to add another sixty miles today.

My route took me over to Bidford-on-Avon and then along Buckle Street, past Honeybourne and on to Weston Subedge.  From there I headed up Saintbury Hill and across to the Five Mile Drive. I then cut off to the right and on in to Stow on the Wold.

From Stow I headed through the Slaughters and on along the A436. I joined the A40 just before Dowdeswell and then continued around the outskirts of Cheltenham. I left Cheltenham on the B4632 and headed up Cleeve Hill and on to Broadway via the pretty village of Winchcombe.

From Broadway it was a quick run home via Evesham and a fuel stop at Alcester.

The Bike is now ready for its gearbox check up at Motorrad in Cheltenham tomorrow.

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* The local name for the Roman road, more properly referred to as Ryknield Street.

I'm taking the day off tomorrow

Saturday was another productive day.

I started relatively early and got a batch of honey in the Bain Marie to liquify.  I also prepared a single jar of set honey,* requested by an acquaintance a few weeks ago.

After getting the honey on the go,  I headed out and made a start on reglazing last pane of the rear workshop window. During this little job I also managed to bottle the first batch of honey and get another batch on to liquify.

Shortly after lunch I had finished the window and got the second batch bottled too. Each batch is about eleven jars (5½ lbs), so that's another eleven pounds ready to sell.

I felt that I had earned a short snooze, so half an hour was spent inspecting the inner surface of my eye lids, before I headed out and mowed the lawns at the front of the house.

At the moment the front lawn is a complete pig to mow as there are several shrubs, the stump of the fallen conifer and several patches of cowslips that need to be mowed around, and definitely not over.

I made an executive decision. The cowslips will be mowed as soon as the flowers die off.** And I'm going to hire a stump grinder.

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* Set honey is challenging to get in to a jar without making a very sticky mess.  Normally I bottle my honey immediately after harvesting and it will naturally set over the following months.  I should also point out that very few people actually want set honey, so I don't tend to keep much, if any, around at the best of times. As I am currently a Honey Reseller; I don't have any jars sat on the shelf long enough to set. I therefore had to carefully spoon set honey in to a jar applying judicious pressure to get it to settle in to the space.

** These lovely little flowers take a good couple of months to set their seed. In previous years I have left them until July to allow this to happen, but this makes a terrible mess of the lawn. In my defence I do leave the ones out on the verge to set their seeds.

Bending is generally the most practical option

Friday started with a run over to Bromsgrove for a checkup at the Dentist.

I'm glad I left plenty of time to get there as the normal road to Aston Fields was closed off and there was the most bizarre diversion in place.  I did what any sensible driver would do and, after being directed totally in the wrong direction, I ignored the signage and used the pigeon parts of my brain to find my way there.

The check up went well, although I do need to return next week for a small filling.

Back at home I returned to this week's priority task; the reglazing of the workshop windows.  Pane #2 was carefully removed, cleaned up and puttied in. It seems so easy to type that, but it actually takes a good hour or two to actually complete.

The afternoon saw me complete a circuit of the Three Miler with the dogs and I also gave the lawns at the rear of the house an overdue cut ... I now have several clumps of grass scattered across my usually neat sward.

I will finish today's Journal entry with a discussion held with 30% at lunch time.

On bending to pick up an item from the floor, I commented that it would be really handy if I had retractable legs. I could then simply retract them and there would be no need for that tiresome bending.

I gave the matter further thought and wondered, "If I had retractable legs, would my torso lower to the floor, or would my feet rise up in to the air?"  

I decided that retracing one's legs would have a Hover Option.  If I retracted my legs in Hover Mode, my feet would rise up in to the air.  In standard Retract Mode, my torso would lower to the ground.

30% then posited, "If you had Hover Mode you would never walk anywhere".

I advised of the potential dangers of Hover Mode, pointing out that If I had used it during Storm Darragh I could have been blow several miles away, and possibly been caught high in the branches of a tree.

That sounds like a terrifying scenario to me!

Busy, but not exciting

There's not a huge amount to report for today.

I kept myself occupied for most of the day, but I was only really focussed on a couple of activities. These consumed a fair amount of my day, hence "not a lot to report".

The day started with a quick run down to the surgery for blood tests.

I was back before ten o'clock, and put the first batch of honey in a water bath to liquify it. Whilst it gradually softened, I put a batch of jars through the dishwasher.

I then headed outside to the workshop and started job #2.  One of the workshop windows was broken a while ago and I fitted a piece of perspex as a temporary fix. As I will shortly be fitting the last set of security bars, I needed to reglaze the window properly.

While the jars were being washed, and the honey was melting, I removed the perspex panel and cleaned out the rebate ready for the new pane of glass.

This took me through until lunch time, and, conveniently, the first batch of honey was ready to pour in to jars. I then got another batch of honey in to the Bain Marie, and headed back out to the workshop.

The new window pane was puttied in place and I decided that the other two panes really needed to be reglazed too.*  That could wait until tomorrow though ... I don't find glazing windows particularly exciting!

I got the second batch of honey bottled and 30% made an appearance after a day out with Mummy Sheila. She advised that she had found some attractively priced garden edging in Alcester, so we headed off to collect it. 

The garden edging was a bargain at £1 per length** and I think there will be enough to finish off the bed that sits alongside the larger of the two greenhouses. 

While in Alcester we picked up another tub of putty, so it looks like I'll be carrying on with the reglazing of the workshop window tomorrow ... Oh Joy!

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* The bodger who fitted them originally had simply held the panes of glass in place with a few tacks. No putty or glazing bars, just glass held with tacks!

** Second hand with quite nice patina ... they will be just the job

Who are you ...

 ... and what the hell have you done with my wife?

The weather was fairly dismal this morning, so after a quick visit to the local surgery and a period of pottering, 30% and I decided to pop over to The Valley in Evesham.

For the uninitiated, The Valley describes itself as a shopping and leisure destination ... That might be a slight exaggeration. It seems to be a strip of retail establishments mostly devoted to outdoor leisure wear. Throw in a couple of coffee shops and a garden centre and that is just about it.

Don't get me wrong, it's fine. It just seems a little odd that there is such a preponderance of outdoor clothing specialists in a single location. Especially when most of the visitors seem to be well in to their sixth or seventh decade and don't look particularly outdoorsy.

Anyway, back to the narrative.  The reason for the visit was that I desperately needed a lightweight, waterproof jacket. 30% had found a rather nice one on the Fatface website and we were going to see if it was as nice as it looked on a perfectly honed model.

We took Hobson, along as he does like an outing, and the entire site is dog friendly. To cut a long and boring story short; the coat was great and I also found a sweatshirt that was on sale too.  My bank balance is now somewhat lighter and my wardrobe is enriched.

We were back home by midday and lunched, before I decided that a short snooze was in order. 

On waking I wandered outside to find a woman that looked very much like my wife busily tidying the garden shed.  I was extremely disturbed by the fact that she seemed to be sorting out items and placing them in to separate containers. My confusion was further compounded by the fact that she then appeared to be labelling the containers to identify the contents.

It was at this point that I politely enquired as to whom she was, and what the hell she had done with my wife!

She looked like 30%. She sounded like 30%, but I'll tell you now, I have never, ever seen my wife produce an organised storage system in her entire life.  Her approach to storage is to cram random shit in to a drawer until it won't close, or until it jams shut!

She managed to persuade me that she was 30%, but I'll be watching closely to see if the mother ship returns and replaces the defective doppelgänger with the original model.

Having had a relatively lazy day, I did finally get busy in the afternoon. 

I took my chainsaw to an old cupboard that was slowly rotting outside the rear of my workshop. It has spent the past couple of decades being used to store plant pots and it is a complete wreck.  The organised version of 30% had stored the plant pots in the shed, so I was able to cut it in to three pieces and cart it up to the orchard. It will be burnt once it dries out.

I also found time to return an empty hive to Pete the Beekeeper; the one used to transport the new colony a couple of weeks ago.  While I was there I picked up another 30 lb tub of honey. So, it looks like I'll be bottling honey tomorrow.

Sorting the car and the veg patch

The veg patch is not looking its best, as a serious amount of weed growth has sprung up since last year's crops were harvested.

I took my first step in rectifying this situation when I sprayed the weeds a couple of weeks ago. Since then I have been waiting for the weeds to wither and the ground conditions to be suitable to get the Rotamatiser out.

Today looked like it could be the perfect day. The weather was forecast to be fine. We had had some rain in the preceding week, and the weeds were yellowing nicely. 

I still remember my first experience with the Rotamatiser and I'm really not sure whether I am looking forward to this job ... I know, let's find a diversion to occupy us for a couple of hours.

The diversion was actually pre-arranged, as we needed to pop over to Cheltenham to drop the 5 Series off for the replacement of its EGR Cooler.  There was an abortive attempt to do this in early February and today was the day it should finally happen.  

As a side note I should add that I was bloody annoyed at the service I received from the BMW dealership and made my views clear in the customer satisfaction survey I submitted. I did receive a few follow up emails from BMW, but the Cotswold BMW Service Manager steadfastly avoided giving me a call about my feedback.*

Right, back to the narrative. 30% and I headed down the M5 in tandem and soon had the 5 Series abandoned in front of the workshop. We then headed back home and I had no excuse. It was time to haul the Rotamatiser from the shed.

Part of me hoped it would fail to start after ten months in the darkness, and it appeared I might be lucky at first. But a quick clean of the spark plug and a couple more depressions of the little rubber carburettor primer bulb had the damned thing grumbling in to life!

I had no choice but to spend an energetic hour wrestling the beast over the top half of the veg patch. It looked much better, but I felt like I had been trying to restrain a large feral pig that desperately wanted to be somewhere else.

Fortunately lunch then intervened and I did my best to ensure I took the full hour.

The second half of the veg patch was equally physical, but I have to admit that a) it looks much better and b) I definitely have a great sense of accomplishment. Let's not ponder too much about c) is the Rotamatiser any easier than hand digging? At least a garden fork doesn't attempt to fight back.

I managed to find time for a recuperative kip, before we headed back to Cheltenham in the late afternoon. The Service Assistant was very apologetic and stressed that the EGR cooler had definitely been replaced on this occasion. She added that a few "goodies" had been left on the passenger seat.

I returned to the car to find that I had been given a rather nice umbrella, a cooler cup and a collapsible boot box.

Do you think they realised how pissed off I had been?

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* I wonder why?

Lazy Day

The weather was not great today and gave me the perfect excuse to do very little at all.

I wandered a short way down the road with the dogs and spent a good while in front of the computer bringing The Journal up to date.

We also popped over to see Dot and Buzzer to thank them for looking after the chickens while we were away.  A pleasant couple of hours were spent catching up on each others' news and, of course, flowers and wine were proffered by way of part payment.

The afternoon included a kip on the sofa and minimal tidying 

... I did say it was a lazy day.

Fishing & Bees

Today was our first fishing excursion of 2025.

Bubbles and I had arranged it a few weeks ago and shortly after eight this morning we headed over to the Lower Park Fishery at Beoley.  The lakes had been recommended by a dog walking acquaintance many months ago, and this was our first visit.

After a couple of hiccups* we eventually got ourselves set up on the bank of the Abbey Pool and fishing commenced. I am absolutely delighted to say that I caught the first three fish, starting with a small Carp and followed up with a couple of Skimmer Bream.

Bubbles eventually got with the programme and reeled in a couple of Tench, but poor Ben struggled; possibly because he insisted on using sweetcorn as bait rather than the traditional maggots.

I fished through until the early afternoon, but then had to pack up and head back home ... I really needed to get the two colonies inspected.

On arrival at home I was surprised to see TP's car on the drive. It transpired that he had met up with friends in Worcester last night and had decided to make an unscheduled visit to see us the dogs!

The weather was perfect for the inspection and I soon had my smoker lit and the various beekeeping bits and bobs assembled.

The first task was to move the newer colony from Pete's hive to one of mine. The first stage was to remove the supers and these were checked for stored honey.  They had some stores, but nothing to get too excited about. I then removed the queen excluder and carefully lifted Pete's brood box and floor off my hive stand. The new floor and brood box were installed and levelled up, before I started to carefully transfer the frames across from one to the other.

I soon found the queen so was reassured that she had been successfully moved to her new residence. I continued to add the remaining frames, checking each one to ensure that there were no queen cells ... none were found. It was then a moment's work to replace the queen excluder, supers, crown board and roof and leave the colony in peace.

I then turned to the colony that was established and installed last year.  All that was needed was a check on their stores and  a run through the brood box to ensure there were no signs of swarming.  I lifted the roof and crown board and was amazed at what I found. Even without removing any of the frames from the super I could see that they were packed with honey and the bees had even started to cap off the cells.**

The second, lower super was even better and I was surprised at how different the two colonies are. I suppose that the newer colony has only been here about ten days, and should catch up in the coming weeks. 

I then moved on to check the brood box and all was well in there. I found the queen and could see no signs of swarming. I may need to add another super next week, depending on how good the weather is.

After a busy week on the boat and a day of fishing and bees, one might expect a lazy evening in front of the television, but we actually went out for a bite to eat with Bubbs & Bobbyn at the Four Alls at Welford-on-Avon.

A good time was had by all, but it certainly wasn't a late one!

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* It wasn't particularly well signposted from the Redditch approach and Bubbles and Ben had both ignored my instruction to bring cash for the machine that issues the day fishing permit.

** This is a sure sign that the nectar has been converted to honey and has had the moisture content sufficiently reduced.

The Caldon Canal

15th April, Day 1: Festival Park Marina to Milton

After a final whizz around at home, clothes and groceries* were stuffed in to bags and piled up in the hall. The dogs were loaded in to the car and we headed over to Redditch and dropped them off with Kate; the dog sitter.

We then headed back home, reloaded the car with our holiday trappings and headed over to Worcester to collect B&H. We soon had their stuff loaded in to the boot,** and were heading up the M5 towards Stoke-on-Trent.

We arrived shortly after midday and lunched in a pub overlooking the Marina, before checking in and collecting the boat; Ellie. 

The boat demonstration was kept to a minimum as I have had a fair bit of experience handling narrow boats over the years.*** I asked out demonstrator; Steve about a suitable route for our four night trip and he suggested that we might try the Caldon Canal. He warned that it might be a little shallow in places and also suggested that we cruise as far as Bridge 18 before mooring for the night ... this would ensure we had left some of the less salubrious areas of Stoke behind.

Midway through the afternoon we set off from the Marina and within four hundred yards we left the Trent & Mersey Canal and joined the Caldon Canal.  

All seemed to be going well, although I noted that the canal did seem to be quite narrow and winding.  We assumed that things would be less meandering as we left the city behind.  Our first few hours of cruising included a pair of staircase locks and the excitement of operating a lift bridge that dropped barriers across the road and halted traffic while we passed by.  When Steve described this it sounded quite complicated and seemed like we would be halting traffic on a major A road.  It was, in fact, a quiet road on an industrial estate and quite simple to operate. We did enjoy the momentary power of stopping cars while we chugged past the lift bridge at two miles per hour.

The evening included a couple of drinks at The Foxley Hotel, where a couple of local lads**** suggested that we try the Milton Chippy for our evening meal.

B and I headed up to the chippy and were received like long lost family. After a very friendly reception we wandered back to the boat and stuffed ourselves with fish and chips.

Here endeth the first entry in the log of the vessel Ellie and her foolhardy crew.

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* There was a lot of booze!

** There was a lot more booze!

*** I used to be a boat handler/demonstrator for Cleaver Marine a their Evesham base when I was in my late teens. We also used to own a 58' narrow boat for a few years from 2004. This was moored on the River Soar and was used for mid-week access visits when TP still lived with his mum. Then there have also been the occasional holidays on boats over the years too.

**** Estate Agent Ollie deserves a special mention as, at the age of 22, he already has a signature car crash which seems to climax with an expensive high powered saloon car ending up on its roof ... we don't think he will make old bones!

16th April, Day 2: Milton to Lock 16, Oakmeadowford Lock

On Wednesday we left Stoke behind and started to pass through the Staffordshire countryside.  It was quite beautiful, although the weather wasn't playing ball.  The morning was very wet, with a cold wind, and there was one point where B & I moored up and came in to the cabin to thaw out.

The rain eventually slowed and we continued cruising under cold leaden skies.  

Yesterday we noted how the Stoke stretches of the Caldon Canal seemed quite narrow and twisty.  I can confirm that the navigation did not improve and there were many sections of the cut where two boats couldn't pass.* We also noted that many of the bridges and locks were on tight bends making for some challenging manoeuvring** to get the boat through with minimal scraping.

We also noted some rather poor etiquette from some of the private boats. This included mooring on tight turns and constricted sections, and also some very aggressive shouting from a chap who felt that we were passing his boat at too high a speed.  Ellie's engine was barely above tick over at the time. We did point this out and were rewarded with a threat of a hospital visit by Mr Angry.

Over the course of the day B & I created a whole back story for Mr Angry which involved a late night of internet porn and the fact that he was the last King of the Caldon Canal. He has a trident of power, wears a crown of duckweed and has two Canada Geese as guards ... Basically the man was a complete bell end.

We continued cruising through the fine countryside and moored just before the Oakmeadowford lock.

Our evening was spent attempting to reduce the amount of alcohol that we had brought with us ... we did quite well on this task.

Here endeth the second log entry of the vessel Ellie and her exploration of the wilds of Staffordshire. Note that some of the natives are hostile.

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* Remember a narrow boat is only 6' 10" wide

** A narrow boat can be reversed, but it goes where it bloody well likes ... they have no steering going backwards.

17th April, Day 3: Lock 16 on to the Froghall tunnel and back to Denford

Thursday was as fine as yesterday was horrible.  The morning was warm and sunny, and we were on our way shortly after eight this morning.  Within a couple of minutes we had rounded yet another bend and passed through lock 16 on to the River Churnet.

The plan was to cruise on and moor in the vicinity of the Froghall tunnel. We had been alerted to the presence of Hetty's Tea Shop and it was suggested as a splendid place to have breakfast.

It was a lovely run on to Froghall and we arrived a little after ten o'clock.  We were lucky to see another narrow boat turning on the only winding hole* large enough to accommodate Ellie.**  I say "lucky" as there was no signage to indicate that it was a winding hole. It was actually little more than a v shaped indentation of the canal in to the hillside and not very obvious.

At this point I have to say that the canal gods were on my side and I absolutely smashed getting Ellie turned around and facing back towards Stoke.  We then moved her clear of the winding hole and moored her alongside the tow path.

It was then a short walk in the sunshine to Hetty's Tea Room. There we chose a table in the morning sun and breakfasted on splendid breakfast baps. Further supplies*** were taken on board and we took a moment to appreciate that we had reached the furthest point on this monumental journey of exploration.

We had completed seventeen miles and passed through seventeen locks. We had endured wind chill of -2 ℃, passed more Canada Geese than they actually have in Canada and also managed to enrage the King of the Caldon Canal. 

I think it fair to say that there is the making of one hell of a sea shanty about this voyage ... or at least a half decent folk song!

Our return journey continued in the fine sunshine and we moored for the being just past the Hazlehurst Aqueduct in Denford.  This evening the crew revolted**** and refused to enter the galley. As a result we dined at a lovely little pub called the Hollybush Inn.

Here endeth the third log entry of the narrowboat Ellie. 

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* A point in the canal network where the navigation broadens to allow a boat to be turned around. You will be a familiar with a three point turn in a car.  It can easily be a seven or nine point turn in a narrow boat ... with no steering in reverse and very little spare room to manoeuvre!

** Ellie is sixty two feet in length

*** A slice of coffee and walnut cake and three blueberry and lemon scones, with jam and clotted cream. Note: It is important to keep an accurate record of the ship's inventory.

**** B&I had already established that the crew are revolting!

18th April, Day 4: Denford back to Stoke

Friday's weather forecast did not look good, so B&I donned oilskins and sou'westers and bravely endured a fine drizzle on the rear deck.

The plan for today was to return to Ellie's home mooring in Stoke by nightfall, so we were ready to leave bright and early on Saturday.

At this point I should mention that B&I decided that Ellie should be renamed the Lady Margaret Thatcher.* Over the past few days we had noticed that there were moments when she just refused to turn. After a process of elimination and checks we realised that it was when she encountered the shallower stretches of the canal. 

The shallow water was still sufficiently deep to allow her to cruise, but created enough drag that she would be very reluctant to respond to movements of the tiller.  There were a number of occasions when we needed to thrust her in to reverse to avoid bumping the bank and to have another attempt at a turn. 

There were also a couple of points when she did run aground and needed to be pushed in to the middle of the cut using the pole.

Back to our homeward leg. The trip from Denford back to Stoke was a little under ten miles and we eventually moored up a little after six in the evening.  We did feel the need to stop once more in the fine hamlet of Milton and sample the grog** at the Millrace Inn.

We gathered our thoughts on our journey of exploration and B commented that if he had attempted to navigate the Caldon canal with just support from H, as a first solo outing, he would never step aboard another narrowboat ever!***

I will say that it is definitely the most challenging section of canal I have ever travelled.

With that thought I will end the fourth log entry of the narrowboat The Lady Margaret Thatcher.

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* For any reader under the age of fifty, Thatcher was famous for her "This Lady's not for turning" quote.

** For medicinal purposes and to keep out the chill.

*** B loves messing around in boats and really fancies holidaying with H on a narrowboat. The past couple of trips have allowed him to get some experience and develop his boat handling skills. We now jokingly assess his skill level as Barely Adequate, or possible Remedial.

19th April, Day 5: Stoke back to Worcestershire

We were up early and soon had our kit packed and piled in the back of the car. An all you can eat breakfast was consumed at the nearby Toby Inn before returning to the hire company and completing the checking out procedures. As we chatted to the Reception staff we started to explore the canal holiday options available to us and the Llangollen canal seems to be a possibility.

We Also chatted to Steve about the challenges of navigating the Caldon Canal and he commented that "if you can do the Caldon Canal, you can do any of them!"  ... Cheers Steve! It would have been nice if you had told us that it was a little tricky before sending us off.

I am a reasonably experienced boat handler and, whilst I did really enjoy the trip, There were very few moments when one could relax and chill. You needed to be focused and concentrating for much of the trip.

The car journey back home was uneventful, and, after unloading, we headed over to Redditch to pick up the dogs.

We then had a very lazy afternoon which included a lengthy kip.

Here endeth the final log entry of the narrowboat Ellie.

Post Script

Next year's trip may well be to the Llangollen canal ... everyone seems very keen.