Swings and Roundabouts

There wasn't a huge amount to report for Friday. It was really just a case of head down, clear the work that accumulated from Thursday, write and submit a report and prepare for next week. It isn't very exciting here on the page and it was little better in real life.

The preceding pair of sentences are more than adequate to describe the 30th and I will now leap forward to Saturday.  We didn't plan to have a particularly busy day but we did want to head over to Evesham in the afternoon so my primary objective in the morning was to get the dog's walked.

We had had a light covering of wet snow overnight so the walk around the Three Miler was almost attractive as the filthy lanes were obscured by a rapidly melting half inch of snow. Needless to say the dogs got soaked and needed a good towelling down, on our return, before being confined to the Hall until they had dried off properly.

In the afternoon 30% and I headed over to Evesham to complete a few errands. Our first stop was at the Picture Framers where we dropped off a C19 engraving of some terriers that we picked up at an auction earlier in the month. We also took along the C18 painting of the Hunter just to see if there was anything that could be done with it.

I had previously contacted a local picture restorer about this old and filthy equine canvas, but his initial estimate for cleaning and restoration had been exorbitant and neither 30% nor I were willing to proceed without some idea of both the quality and value of the painting. It is all very well shelling out a small fortune to clean a Stubbs but we don't even know if this damned thing has a signature.

The framer advised that he knew a chap that might be able to restore it but suggested cleaning a small portion to see what it looked like. He scurried off in to his back room and returned with a wad of cotton wool and a bottle of clear liquid. He trial cleaned a small section along the edge of the canvas and, though it wasn't exactly a moment of revelation, it was apparent that the grime could be removed and we would be able to get a better idea of what we had. He advised that he would charge twenty pounds to give the canvas a clean so we left it with him. I must admit that I am quite excited to see his results in a couple of weeks time.

After leaving the framers we headed over to Bond & Moneypenny's to deliver a barely used Superdry jacket and then on to Stevie and the Elf's to drop off bubble-wrap … The first visit was to keep Bond jnr warm this winter and the second was to furnish S&E with packing materials as they are moving house next week. Both visits were brief, especially the second as S&E were out so the bubble-wrap was left in their garden for them to retrieve later.

We headed home and I recruited TP's assistance to lift the Enfield from it's stand with the aim of fitting the side stand and foot rests. As soon as I attempted to manoeuvre the bike it was apparent that something was amiss. The steering was horrible. Now that the full weight of the bike was supported by the steering head the steering had a definite notchiness. The bearings had looked fine during reassembly but are obviously shagged. I contemplated the several steps that would need to be retraced in order to remove the bearings and replace them … Fuck it!

I fitted the stand and foot pegs and then retired to the sofa with an iPad to research my bearing options. Did I say "Bollocks"?

A full day

Today seemed to be non-stop.

I hit the laptop around nine o'clock and was straight on to the weekly team call.I lingered there until around quarter past ten when I needed to stop, step away from my laptop, drag a razor around my face, throw on some business casual clothes, grab a set of notes and a few other necessities and head out of the door.

I then had to follow a circuitous route, as a result of roadworks, to the Dentist where I had a check up and scale. All seemed to be going well until she took a peep at one of the x-rays and it appears that a filling is in order and that may be followed by a crown at some point later in the year.

Once free of the Dentist's chair I headed down the motorway to Worcester and found myself a parking spot on one of the campuses of Worcester University. The reason for this out of character visit to an educational establishment is as follows …

… My oldest and dearest friend; Moneypenny is a Humanities Lecturer at this establishment and way back in 2013 she collared me and asked if I would be willing to attend their 2014 Career Fest and give a short talk on my educational and employment history as I was, apparently, a perfect example of those people who didn't know what they wanted to do for a living after leaving school.

I gave the talk in January 2014 and they either liked it or couldn't find anyone else because I was invited back to give a repeat performance today. I was bloody lucky that I had been diligent and had typed up my notes from my 2014 talk as this week had been very busy and had not had time to prepare. I ended up spending an hour sat in the car park; reviewing my material and jotting down a few additional thoughts as I waited for the session to kick off.

The talk went well and the staff and audience seemed to like the material that I had presented so by four o'clock I was able to escape and head back towards The Pile …

… I wandered in to the house and was greeted by 30% and the dogs and was about to head upstairs to get changed when 30% commented that I would be getting back in to much the same clothes in an hour's time. I had totally forgotten that we had been invited out for dinner this evening with 30%'s Mum and Dad. I revised my plan, remained in my clothes and pottered for an hour which basically involved putting a second coat of paint on my indicator brackets.

30% and I then headed out, taking a minor detour via Tesco to collect my new spectacles from their Optician's department. Our final destination was Redditch College, which has a full restaurant facility that opens each Thursday evening to allow their catering students to practice on real, live people. This evening they were serving a Burns Night Supper and I have to report that it was absolutely gorgeous.

The menu was five course in length and my choices were as follows:-

Scallops and Black Pudding salad

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Cockaleekie soup

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Haggis and Neeps

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Pan Fried Duck Breast served with an Orange Clootie Dumpling and a choice of vegetables

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Bread and Butter Pudding

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Coffee and Petit Fours

I simply could not fault the meal. It was lovely and we had a lively evening, lubricated by wine, catching up on each others' news.

Mind You, by the time we got home I was glad to slip in to my pit. I was shattered.

I did manage some work this morning

After spending two days with a 'phone glued to my ear it was something of a relief to only have this afternoon taken up with conference calls.

I was therefore able to spend the morning clearing my inbox and progressing my latest batch of projects. As I sifted through my mail it became apparent that yesterday's review decision had been reversed and one of my projects is now able to move forward unhindered … so that one will probably be crossed off my list in the next day or so. The rest all need nudging forward but tomorrow is already blocked out with appointments so it looks like it will be Friday before I do any work this week!

On the bike front the 130 mm M8 stainless steel bolts arrived in the post this morning so I was finally able to fit the sump guard to the underside of the Enfield's engine. I now just need to grab some of TP's time and I can get the side stand and foot rests fitted.

The ongoing task this week has been to refurbish the front indicator brackets. The original plan was to mount the front indicators either side of the casquette but a redesign was necessary when they were held in position and a) looked shite, b) would be a pig to mount and c) were unlikely to conceal the holes drilled in the casquette to mount the now junked windshield. It was therefore necessary to trawl through a box of rusty junk, retrieve the indicator brackets, clean them up and repaint them so they can be re-affixed to the bike. They need another coat or two of paint but should be bolted back on at the weekend too.

Give me Strength

Today was very much like yesterday.

By eight o'clock I was dialled in to the conference bridge and endured several hours of one of the most blatant job creation schemes I have ever witnessed.* There was much talk of structure and governance and very little focus on identification of requirements and the necessary technical solutions needed to address them. If I am any judge this programme will not be completed before the current Master Services Agreement expires in three years time. There were no references to low hanging fruit, proofs of concept or  quick wins that one would normally expect to hear, particularly when, as in this case, this shit is about to hit the fan.

I was able to exit the workshop early as I had a review call to attend. I would have liked to use the term light relief  in relation to that review call but it soon became apparent that clueless clusterfuck was far more appropriate. Our request was to deploy a certain feature on a device and we were told in no uncertain terms that, while it was feasible, it was not officially sanctioned and we were on our own if we deployed it … in other words we would have to provide full support for the devices. However, on the call and in a flurry of mails that followed, it became apparent that the feature is not only used, it looks like it has official sanction too. This suggests that the Reviewers have about as much knowledge on the subject as I do.**

Give me strength!

Eventually the day ended and I did what any sane person would do … I emptied the bottle of Gordons in to a glass and added a slug of tonic to take the edge of it … aah!

As for the Enfield; the tennis balls were attached to the handlebars,*** the brake caliper was bolted to the fork slider and the headlight rim was attached to the casquette. Today's technical conundrum was how to disguise the holes in the casquette left after removing the ridiculous screen. The solution is likely to involve the original mounting spacers and some stainless steel socket cap screws …I just hope it works.

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* Call me cynical but many of the key team members are highly paid Contractors and they are not particularly well managed. They have very much been left to do their own thing and I think that lucrative procrastination tends to neatly define their modus operandi.
** and that is frightening an order of magnitude beyond petrifying
*** This is obviously temporary but does make it look a little like a circus clown bike

I need a couple of tennis balls

Today was not fun.

As a result of a very late invitation to a workshop in The Hague, my travel request had been declined. The impact of the refusal was that I was required to dial in to a conference call at eight o'clock this morning and spend the bulk of the day with a headset clamped to my skull.

I did my best to follow the narrative but there were occasions when many, garbled voices made the discourse unintelligible. To make matters worse I am scheduled to do the same tomorrow.

As five o'clock drew near the workshop closed for the day and I finally escaped from the laptop. My only real break had been from eleven until twelve* when I clamped the handlebars to the Enfield. This activity meant that TP was given an additional mission when he took Whiffler for a run around the local playing field … I asked him to check the long grass near the tennis club and bring me back a couple of tennis balls if he found any.

My luck was in and he returned not only with a pair of tennis balls, but also a football that will give the dogs a huge amount of fun. I scrubbed the worst of the grime from the balls and put them in a warm place to dry off.

30% and I then gathered up Whiffler and a variety of doggy accessories and headed off to puppy training … I'm not really sure why we bothered as he was a headstrong little bugger that was far more interested in his classmates than on performing as requested. To be fair he wasn't a total disaster but it is fair to say that he was easily distracted.  It appears that the previous lesson had included a bitch that had just finished her season so it was quite possible that the hall had too many distracting scents this evening.

That just about covers my day … apart from explaining about the tennis balls. Motorcycle handlebars are like bull horns until the grips are attached. The balls will have a short slit made in each and be stuck on the end of the bars to minimise the risk of injury as work progresses.

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* Remember the workshop was operating on Central European Time so they lunch early.

For the want of a nail ...

Sunday was taken at a very leisurely pace.

Ten o'clock had passed before I had breakfasted, slipped on a coat and hat, gathered up the dogs and exited the house for a wander around the Three Miler for a walk…

… My timing was perfect, as I arrived home to find that the groceries had been delivered and put away in my absence and I needed to do little more than hose down the dogs legs' to remove the mud accumulated in the past hour.

My only must do had been accomplished and I had the rest of the day to do as I pleased. I therefore recruited TP's assistance, hefted the Enfield up on to blocks and fitted the front wheel. The plan was to follow this with the installation of the sump guard, side stand and foot rests but it soon became apparent that I needed a longer stud to fit the guard. Neither stand nor foot pegs could be fitted until the sump guard was in place so my plans for the afternoon were buggered.

I also seemed to be having real problems keeping my blood sugar high enough since returning from my walk so I shoved a custard tart in my mouth and headed for the sofa with a cup of coffee. The film I selected must have been very bad as I awoke a couple of hours later with one hell of a crick in my neck.

I was reluctant to allow a missing M8 stud to halt progress on the bike so I extracted the front mudguard and carrier from their wrappings and fitted them instead.

It definitely looks like a motorcycle now.

Burns Night Supper

30% and I had been hoping for an overnight frost and a walk around the crispy lanes with the dogs but, unfortunately, the weather did not oblige, instead of bright and frosty it was grey and damp.

Plans were therefore revised and I wandered out to the garage to deal with the rodent problem that has recently become apparent. I had purchased some rat bait and bait boxes last weekend from the local Feed Store and this morning I fabricated a couple of wooden stakes that would allow me to secure the bait boxes in the chicken runs and close to where we think the rats have their nest. These activities took an hour or so and all I need to do now is wait at least a week before checking the bait.

My must do task had now been crossed off my virtual to do list and I settled in the Hall with the Enfield … and that it what filled much of the day. By the time I halted and cleaned myself up I had fitted the forks, complete with gaiters and crown plate, and had also inserted a new ammeter in the casquette. I am hoping to secure some of TP's time tomorrow so that the front wheel and perhaps the side stand can be fitted.

This evening 30% and I had been invited to the VIllage Burns Night Supper. The venue is the pub down on the village green and at half past seven we wandered down the road and settled ourselves in The Old Bull. We had a pleasant evening and, whilst the portions were modest, the food was lovely. The highlights were the cockaleekie soup and the haggis itself, which was magnificent.

Glad it's Friday

Today's significant news is that next week's trip to The Hague isn't going to happen.

They key approver declined mine and my colleague's applications on the basis that they were "too late". Our Manager is well aware that we applied as soon as we were invited, so there is no fault on our part. The net result is that Monday, and possibly Tuesday,  will be spent half listening to a workshop using conference 'phone facilities.* Rest assured that the workshop Organiser was made aware that they had not given us sufficient notice for our attendance. It is somewhat ironic that he sees us as key attendees.

I cancelled my hotel booking and spent the day actually gaining traction on a couple of projects and planning next week's activities. I won't go in to details, it would not make gripping narrative.

I am waiting for a couple of parts for the Enfield so the only attention it received today was the occasional admiring glance as I wandered past.  The evening was spent in front of the fire on the sofa and, as it says in the title; I'm very glad it is Friday as the transition from idling to high speed is quite wearing.

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* Shoot me now! These are devices that have a superb ability to distance the audience from the debate and minimise their ability to concentrate and therefore participate. If you are sat in the room everyone can see what you are doing. If you are remote and the content is, shall we say, tedious who knows or cares if you slope off to the bathroom or check your emails or eBay auctions.

Today was a hard slog

It should come as no surprise that work was not going to be fun today.

I had two meetings to minute with a combined duration of three hours. That equated to nine pages of scrawled notes and a very good memory to construct versions of the truth that both my Boss and I would be happy with. It was an arduous task that took a significant proportion of the day and it was necessary to reward myself to maintain any level of motivation …

… towards lunch time the postman arrived and delivered the bushings for the Enfield's short fork cover tubes. I treated myself to a twenty minute break, fitted the bushings in to the cover tubes and jiggled them into place to connect the steering stem to the casquette.

 I thought I would now be in a position to insert the forks and took a moment to check a clamping bolt that fits inside the casquette. This produced a series of expletives as it became apparent that during the original assembly of the bike the idiots had managed to knacker the threads and another few quid needed to be shelled out to order a replacement. It is not the cost that is annoying, it is the delay while I wait for the part to arrive.

I scurried back to the study, ordered the part and settled to finish the day's work. By the time I had cleared the decks I was brain dead. This working for a living is taking some getting used to after being short of work for so long.

After along day of concentration I didn't feel like doing anything more than slumping on the sofa, but I am working on the principal that completion of even the smallest job progresses the bike slowly forward. A small step is better than nothing at all. As a consequence I braved the cold of the garage, disconnected the Regulator/Rectifier unit from the loom and installed it on the bike.

I might actually get some work done tomorrow rather than just writing about what we need to do.

Busy, busy, busy

For the first time in 2015 I actually tidied myself up and dragged my sorry arse in to the nearest Depot.

I needed to hold an initial fact finding call on a new project and two of the SMEs work in the same areas as me so I schlepped in to work to have a face to face.

I have to be honest and confess that I was not in the office at the crack of dawn and actually delayed my trip in to work so that 30% and I could have a site meeting with the Local Authority Tree Officer …

… we plan to rebuild the garden wall* and the works could possibly impact the two Yew Trees, both of which have TPOs** on them. We have a sound relationship with the Tree Officer as she lives just down the road and knows the trees well. She is more than happy with our plans and approach and simply needs to inform the Planning Authorities, then we can make a start.***

With that negotiation accomplished I headed in to work and had a fairly busy morning that included submission of expenses, a hair cut and some actual proper work. My afternoon included four hours of meetings and I was required to minute three hours of those discussions. I will point out that my Boss was hosting a two hour meeting and asked me to minute it for him. I don't mind, but it is actually quite a significant task to summarise 120 minutes of technical discussion and it will take me a good couple of hours tomorrow to complete the task. I know why he asked me; a) he want us to cover our arses on the latest project, b) he is on vacation tomorrow and c) he knows my minutes are bloody fantastic.

It is fair to say that I was knackered by the time I got home and did very little this evening. I am also aware that I have two sets of minutes to draft tomorrow before I even make a start on the actions I have been assigned.

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* A much more significant task than it appears as the wall is more than 20m in length and is a retaining wall as our garden ground level is about 1.5m higher than that of the road it adjoins.
** Tree Preservation Orders
*** Once we get and agree a quote for the work

Getting stuff done

I can report a complete recovery from Monday's brain tumour so Tuesday was spent making a start on the week's work.

After many weeks with very little to do, I finally have a reasonable amount of work on my plate so much of the day was spent nudging my various projects forward. It also seems that I am required to attend a workshop in The Hague for a couple of days next week so I prioritised the creative bullshitting that will hopefully get my request to travel approved by the management.*

The only other news from work is that there are some politics going on which mean that a key resource is no longer available to work on the development of solutions. As a result it looks like I may need to get my hands dirty and fill this gap as a temporary measure.**

So that is work covered and now a quick precis of progress on the Enfield. A plethora of parcels arrived today and as a result I was able to fit new pilot lights to the casquette and since I was meddling in that area I also re-fitted the ignition switch. There was a moment of panic when the switch would not go through the mounting bezel but a few moments with the Dremel and a grinding tool removed the excess chrome that was obstructing progress. I admired the leather straps that will be used to hold the bike's wiring loom in place and then started to check through what I foolishly thought to be the final order from Hitchcocks Motorcycles.

Everything I ordered had arrived. There was a minor issue with a missing bolt but a quick 'phone call soon had a replacement winging its way to The Pile. It was only when I started a trial fit of the forks in the casquette and steering stem that I realised that I needed a pair of bushes that I had failed to order. Progress had been halted by the lack of five quids worth of parts …sod it! ***

The only other accomplishment today was that Whiffler and Marauders' faces were clipped to silence 30%'s incessant nagging on this subject. Here is the evidence of my efforts.

Many pieces of ham were needed to achieve this.

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* before the flight leaves the tarmac on Sunday evening
** it had better be temporary
*** I won't mention the fact that I will need to partially disassemble the steering to insert them. Two steps forward ...

Dizzy

The day started like most Mondays. I drank coffee, ate toast, wondered how quickly the week would pass and skimmed through the BBC news headlines on-line.

Then as I settled to start the working day I started to feel a little odd. Initially it was difficult to describe; light headedness, perhaps a little dizzy and then I felt like I was going to faint and this was worrying. It became apparent that keeping still calmed things down somewhat so I headed for my bed and shut my eyes to stop the room from spinning.

I went through a mental checklist of possible ailments and settled on either a brian tumour or an inner ear infection. I didn't have long to whittle these down to a definite diagnosis as 30% had decided that I really ought to be seen by a professional. If I am honest I was very grateful as the symptoms were very disconcerting. A pain in a bodily part is fairly easy to deal with compared to the sensations of affected consciousness. Fortunately the Doctors' Surgery is just over the road and the delightful receptionist squeezed me in as an emergency.

Half an hour later I was treading slowly home having been advised that I am suffering from a form of vertigo which has been induced by movement in the particles that are contained within the inner ear. This should settle down in a few days and I was told to take it easy and prescribed medication to calm the symptoms.

As a result I spent the rest of the day in bed or on the sofa and have nothing to report. I did feel somewhat more normal by the time I prepared for bed.

Weekend Round Up

A few weeks ago Whiffler developed a liking for my spectacle case and made quite a good job of stripping off the outer cloth covering. A few days after that he had another go and the net result was a mangled pair of titanium armed, frameless spectacles … Little Sod!

Being of an age where glasses are necessary for anything happening up close and personal I felt somewhat exposed with only a single pair, so first task on Saturday was to head in to Redditch for an eye test. This activity took a good chunk of the morning as there was a side trip to the supermarket too. It was agreed* that ordering my new specs would be deferred for a couple of days until such time as a trip to Tesco was necessary as, apparently, Specsavers' frames are crap.

Back at home the first activity in the afternoon was a wander around the Three Miler with the dogs. Actually it was twenty minutes with my head in the February issue of Bike Magazine then a wander around the Three Miler but I'm trying not to let detail clutter the narrative. It will come as no surprise that the dogs were bloody disgusting after a walk around the lanes but fortunately TP and 30% were on hand to assist with washing them down.

Late in the afternoon I finally settled down with the Enfield and carefully assembled the steering stem, head bearings and casquette. When I say carefully I mean carefully as the bearings are loose and each of the 38 steel balls needed to be cleaned and greased before inserting in to the appropriate bearing race and then all of the components slipped in to place. It all went very well and I realised that I need to get my arse in to gear and get some spares ordered so I can fit the forks.

Sunday's first mission was a trip out to the local feed store followed by the second trip of the weekend in to Redditch. Tesco was our destination and I soon had an order made for a couple of pairs of replacement specs. There was an obligatory wander around the aisles to collect a few items and, after using the self-service till with 30%, I would like to suggest that they add a new phrase to the machine's vocabulary … Keep that woman away from me would definitely make progress much more straightforward. **

Back at home I had some time to kill before lunch so I headed out to the garage and lugged the bacon slicer in to the warmth of the kitchen. The cured loin was taken down from the meat hooks and an hour was spent converting it in to five and a half pounds of back rashers. This job took longer than expected and, with an interval for lunch, the bacon sandwiched lunch rather than the more normal reverse.

I then got out around the Three Miler for the second time this weekend and returned for a much needed session of dog washing. A fire was then lit and I must admit that I settled down to watch a film but actually ended up snoring on the sofa for an hour.

At some point in the day I refitted the steering lock to the Enfield and the latest lurch forward can be seen below.

I also got my spares ordered so next week may well see forks installed and the front wheel set between them.

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* I was informed by TP and 30%
** 30% and the Bagging Area are not a great combination

Picture Post

It is still quiet at work, although I have picked up a couple of new projects over the last week. Neither of these are exactly racing ahead and it may be a few days, or even weeks, before either of them gather any pace. The net result is that I don't exactly have a huge amount to report on the work front and the progress with the Enfield doesn't exactly make a gripping read either. Basically this week has been taken up with a daily coat of black enamel paint on the steering stem prior to assembly, which is planned for the weekend. I did say that it wasn't exactly enthralling news!

As a result I decided to dip in to the photo archive and extracted this piece of Americana.

This photo of the Staten Island Ferry was taken back in August 2013 when we were in New York. After a trip over to Liberty Island we wandered over to the ferry terminal and watched the ferry, made almost iconic by so many films set in New York City, We also discovered that it was free of charge to ride the ferry and had ride out 'n back.

Thought for the day

At the moment there is a TV Commercial that features a chap that appears to work in a book or software shop. He is approached by two colleagues, one of whom excitedly demonstrates that everything this guy touches turns in to Skittles.

A stapler is offered … it turns to Skittles when accepted. The 'phone rings … it turns to Skittles when the receiver is lifted. The entire desk turns to Skittles when pounded in frustration by this poor man.

One wonders why he is working in media sales and hasn't, instead, offered his services at the nearest Skittles factory?

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I really dislike Skittles

Thought for the day

Yes, they are a handful.
Yes, they are going to need a bath.
Now how about a conversational gambit I haven't heard before.*

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* Mind you, it's better than the frequent occasions where I have stepped in to the road or a driveway to allow people to pass by on the narrow pavements and received neither acknowledgement nor thanks for the courtesy. There are some ignorant people about.

Snow flurries

There is not exactly a huge amount to report for today. The weather was grim and I spent much of my time making sure I was inside rather than out. By the end of the day we actually had snow falling but it stood little chance of lingering as it was so wet underfoot. It is a shame. I am not a fan of the wet, grey, winter weather but I love it when it snows and settles. There was no chance of that today but it was lovely to see it falling this evening,

I did make minor progress on the Enfield and the steering stem has now been cleaned up, had it's rust patches rubbed down and the first coat of black enamel has been applied. As much of this component is obscured by the casquette* once fitted, I decided not to strip down the entire piece and have just treated the few rusty areas on the underside. It will need a couple more coats and then I can think about fitting the steering and front suspension components.

We also put down the rug that we acquired at Saturday's auction. It looks fantastic in the lounge and the  colours go really well with the decor.

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* The casting that holds the headlamp and the tops of the forks

Whiffler shines again at training

I have picked up a new project at work and have also volunteered to cover for a colleague while he is on holiday next week. Things are still very quiet and the lack of incoming work concerns me. Whether these concerns have any foundation remains to be seen. The new project kept me occupied for a while this morning but even that will be slow to get moving as the SME is on holiday until the latter half of the week. As a result I read the minimal information available and set up a call.

With time on my hands I took an hour out from work at lunchtime and 30% ad I headed over to the auction rooms to collect the Oriental Carpet we bought on Saturday. We don't actually know how big it is, as it was covered by a table, several chairs and a number of auction goers at the time of purchase, and it was definitely an impulse buy. The hope is that it will fit in the lounge … we shall see.

We aslo took over three inlaid mahogany bedroom chairs that we purchased a good while back having finally agreed that, whilst lovely, are not really what we wanted or needed. Hopefully these will sell at the auction in a fortnight's time.  The rug was bundled in to the back of the car and we were home before anyone had noticed I had gone.

The afternoon was as quiet as expected and by five thirty I had finished the last call of the day. 30% and I were straight in to the car and off to the Vet's where we had Whiffler weighed* so appropriate doses of wormer could be purchased. We then headed straight over to this evening's puppy training class.

Whiffler did really well and the high points of the session were lying down on his bed on command and also seeking out a treat hidden under one of half a dozen plastic pots. This latter exercise was performed off the lead. I simply let him loose and he trotted down the line of pots, sniffing each one in turn before stopping at the hidden cheese. He totally ignored the class participants and just got on and did his stuff … I was bloody amazed.

Mind you, I can't really claim much credit as Poodles are very bright and unfortunately that secret is out of the bag too. We were chatting to one of our classmates this evening and one of the first things she said was "I was talking to one of my friends the other day and she said Poodles were easy to train". We laughed and agreed that they did make one look like a good trainer.

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* 22.5 Kg at six months of age

Afternoon Tea

First task of the day … well, when I say first task, what I really mean is first task after a few cups of coffee, a slice of toast and a bit of general loafing about. 

So, the heavily caveated first task of the day was an hour long walk around the Three Miler with the pack. The hour long walk was frustrating rather than relaxing, as we were meeting walkers and riders every three or four hundred yards and the dogs needed to be called back and put on their leads at each encounter. I used to enjoy my walks, returning from them relaxed and often with ideas to deal with life and works' niggling problems. However they are far from relaxing at the moment and I just return exhausted, filthy and with significant disdain for those I have met.*

Lunch happened and I had half an hour to fill before I needed to tidy myself up … I'll get to that in a minute … so I grabbed a hammer, tape measure and a picture hook and the Victorian oil of Gypsies by a Campfire is now hung in the dining room.

I then needed to shave and change as this afternoon I had arranged to pay my Godmother** a long overdue visit. At this point I need to make clear that I am crap at keeping in touch and despite receiving a Christmas Card from her every year and only living a dozen miles apart it is probably eighteen years since we last met.***

I therefore assembled the family, briefed them and we drove over to Evesham for afternoon tea with Auntie Joyce. I am not sure what can I say about an afternoon with an Octogenarian chatterbox but the tea was good, the shortbread biscuits were lovely, she is incredibly independent and didn't tell too many embarrassing stories to TP and 30%.  I'm not that great at small talk but 30% was excellent and made sure there were no awkward silences. We had a nice time and I am guessing we may well have her over to visit in the Spring.

Back at home I finally extracted the loin of pork from the cure, washed off the salt, wrapped it in muslin  and hung it up in the kitchen. I'll leave it up there for a week before slicing, packaging and freezing.I also found a few moments to degrease the Enfield's steering stem …

… it looks like I have some more painting to do!

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* I could add hypoglycaemic to this list which might go some way to explaining the disdain
** Auntie Joyce really does merit a veritable plethora of Journal entries and perhaps I will start to jot these down. At this point what I do need to say is that she was the most excellent Godmother, concentrating very much on the mother aspect of the job title and totally ignoring the God element. As a child in the sixties and seventies she used to take me on some quite marvellous adventures including many visits to London. I recall visits to the zoo, the Natural History Museum, the Tutankhamen exhibition of 1972 and even a holiday in Scotland when I was barely eight years old. There was also the trip to Harrods for a diabetic Easter Egg when no other retailer sold them. It was bloody revolting but she cared enough to give it a go. Basically she spoiled me, having not had children of her own.
*** She was out when I dropped off a card and flowers at Christmas 2013

Auction Fever

As I mentioned yesterday, there were a few lots that caught our eyes at the auction viewing. It will therefore come as no surprise that we were comfortably seated, mugs of coffee in hand, in advance of the auction starting at ten o'clock this morning. We didn't have to wait long before 30% was raising her hand and a citrine and diamond ring would soon be gracing one of her fingers.

A while later the jewellery had finished and the Auctioneer had moved on to the paintings. The next lot was a small Victorian oil framed under glass. It was described as Travellers by campfire and is a rural scene of a gypsy family seated around an open fire. Apparently political correctness prevents me from using the terms pikies or  didicoys in association with this artwork. A couple of bids came in via the internet but 30% soon had this one too.

The next lot was my gamble …

... As we left the auction rooms last night I looked up and saw a filthy, unframed oil high on the wall. I could just about make out that it was a horse but it was so grimy that I could make out little more than the general outline. However, something about it caught my eye and, as I looked, the parts I could make out seemed to be very well executed. The Auctioneer advised that it was very early, dating from the 1700's but had no reserve and, at that time, no commission bids. With no idea of cleaning or restoration costs we took a huge punt and this one was purchased too.

It could be going straight back in … depending on restoration quotes!

I wandered off to get more coffee and returned to find that 30% had failed to bid on a large watercolour of sheep that she really liked. Apparently the painting had failed to make it's reserve so we may get another chance at it in a fortnight's time. The next lot was an impulse bid on a C19 monotone engraving of Terriers ratting. It was a steal at twenty five quid and I am certain we can find a spot for it somewhere.

By then we were just about done and should have left but we lingered to see how an arts and crafts hall chair and large oriental carpet fared … hmmm … where the hell are we going to put those!

The rest of the day was fairly restrained by comparison. The dogs were walked around the Three Miler and, for once, it was dry meaning that Whiffler did not need dunking piecemeal in a bucket of water. A lengthy snooze was taken on the sofa and I cooked an enormous honey roast ham.

The Enfield and an Auction Preview

Today I focussed on getting the brake drum / rear sprocket assembly mated to the rear wheel and then getting the whole damned lot installed in the swing arm. It wasn't major pain in the arse but there were a number of spacers, adjusters, nuts and bolts that needed to be assembled whilst holding the now quite heavy wheel in place and ensuring that the frame didn't tip off the wooden supports. It was definitely one of those jobs where an extra pair of hands would have been quite useful.

It all went off without a hitch and the partly assembled bike is a whole lot more stable with the wheel in place. It still needs to have the chain connected and be torqued up but I am in no hurry to do that at present.

I also dug out the battery holder from my stash of powder coated goodies and bolted that back in place. I am probably now at the point where I need to reinstall the loom before I do anything other than assemble the steering stem and forks.

Leaving the bike, 30% and I also headed over to Littleton to preview the lots for tomorrow's auction. There were a few items that caught our attention and all of them were in the first hundred lots …

… It seems likely that we will be returning tomorrow morning.

Fork it!

No photo today, as the Enfield looks pretty much like it did yesterday.

As the thread lock had arrived I was finally able to tighten up the rear sub-frame, torque up the rear shock absorbers and fit the chain guard.  A while later I was surveying the results of my efforts when I had a niggling thought … should I have fitted the seat springs to the rear subframe before I tightened everything up? I rummaged through my box of parts and soon dug out the saddle. A few moments later I was have a fuck it moment. I did, indeed, need to fit the springs to the sub-frame first as the bolts could no longer be inserted in to their holes. As a result I then spent a happy half hour undoing everything and then re-assembling in the right order … arse!*

As the working day came to a close I headed out in to the wilds of the Cotswolds in search of Business Park on the outskirts of Blockley. I had arranged to collect the replacement forks and was soon examining the goods. They look fine as they appear to have never done any miles at all. I have been warned that the brake caliper mounts may need some work to ensure the front disk aligns properly. Worst case scenario is that will need to buy a new fork slider but these forks were an absolute steal and still a bargain even if I do have to fork out** another forty quid for a replacement slider.

Back at home it dawned that I really need to get the steering stem sorted and installed so I can get these forks trial fitted and see how bad the caliper mount really is. I guess that is my weekend plan roughed out.

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* in my defence I will point out that the Trials kit I purchased comes with fuck all in the way of instructions and, consequently, it is left to divine inspiration and a smidgen of common sense to ensure everything is assembled correctly.
** sorry!

I want it and I want it NOW!

Today's news is that my newly shod wheels look fantastic and I foolishly propped them in their approximate positions in relation to the Enfield's frame. The result of this mock up was a huge surge of impatience and it is fair to say that I want it assembled and running NOW!  Fortunately a tube of thread lock arrived in the post today so I at least I can now crack on with it.

The next potential stumbling block was the knackered forks. Late in the afternoon Chris from Redditch Motorcycles 'phoned to say that he had tracked down a possible replacement pair at Watsonian Squire so it looks like I may be heading over to Blockley at some point over the next couple of days. It also means that I need to get the steering stem and head lamp casing back in place ready to receive the forks.

So that just about covers Wednesday. Work is fine but I could do with a little more. The bike project is rolling along quite nicely and I even have a loin of pork curing in the cellar. Bloody hell! It looks like I have been quite busy when I summarise it.

Mostly Bike Stuff

There's not a huge amount to report for today. I managed to find half an hour free in the morning to drop the Enfield's wheels, tyres and inner tubes off at Redditch Motorcycles and they should be fitted and ready for collection some time tomorrow evening. Chris; the proprietor is also trying to locate a replacement set of forks or fork sliders so, hopefully, tomorrow will see newly shod rims and news on my knackered front end!

Progress on the bike has slowed for the past couple of days as an eBay purchase has gone bad and this is holding things up. I need a £10 tube of thread locker to ensure the various components don't vibrate loose and I purchased a tube before Christmas. The demand stuff has still not arrived despite contacting the seller who  allegedly sent a replacement on 29th December. The net result of this supply chain issue is that parts can be trial fitted but I can't torque anything up and move on until I get a 50ml tube of Loctite 243. It is somewhat ironic that parts have arrived from India in less than ten days but a low cost engineering adhesive is taking forever to arrive … mind you, I did need a stock of stainless steel washers too and these should now be winging their way to the Pile too.

All I managed to do today was to trial fit the chain guard. This needs to be installed before the rear wheel can be fitted and today's temporary installation suggest that it's brackets may need a tweak to ensure it will clear the gearbox mounting plates.

That is just about it for today. I have enough work on to keep me occupied which is good but not too much that I am swamped. The only other news s that TP appears to have a very bad hang over after last night's works "do" and has decided to spend the day vomiting and sleeping rather than attending lectures in college …

… That'll teach him!

In the dog house

The first full working week of the New Year and I managed to score a couple of house points at work.

I have been assigned to work with a colleague on an assignment and have been asked to keep an eye on him. This is not a position with which I am wholly comfortable. We have different skill sets and, whilst I am capable of managing the development of an RFP response, working my way through the intricacies of network design and infrastructure is certainly not one of my strengths. I am conscious of my own "developmental needs" am am therefore somewhat reluctant to point out those of a colleague.

Before Christmas I had made some enquiries about this assignment with our Legal and Regulatory Team and they had responded with some clear guidance.* Before I could handle this my colleague had simply chucked the mail over the fence to the Project Manager with a one line e-mail that basically said "what do you think?" I inwardly cursed at this lacklustre approach, completed an impact analysis of the guidance and set out the next steps we needed to take. I described these as "my thoughts" and sent them over to him copying our manager.

The net result of this was that a call was set up using my bullet points as an agenda and I received a call from my Boss. He advised that he had chuckled at my colleague's half arsed approach and then blatant use of my analysis to structure the follow-up call.  I am pleased to be doing well at work but I am not comfortable to be treading over others, however inadvertently, as I progress.

The rest of the working day was reasonably quiet and I managed a circuit of the Three Miler early in the afternoon. Little progress was made on the Enfield although the head steady bar was loosely attached and trial fit of the rear hub took place. I plan to have the tyres fitted tomorrow so the rear hub and wheel may actually be in place later in the week. I carried out some research over the weekend about the possibility of purchasing a set of replacement forks from India. It appears that The Shitter is somewhat peculiar in the front fork department and also an Export Only model. As a result it may be necessary to purchase replacement fork sliders and re-use the original fork stanchions … hopefully more news on this tomorrow.

And finally to the title of today's Journal entry … tonight was TP's works Christmas Do and I was required to collect him from the pub sometime after midnight. I was eventually called by one of his mates at one o'clock and was advised that he was "unwell". I had the foresight to take a bucket with me and soon had a very drunk son, smelling faintly of vomit, sat in the back of the car. Once at home we managed to remove his outer clothes and decided that he was better left downstairs rather than in his room … as a result he spent the night curled up on the dogs' bed with a duvet thrown over him.

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* Clear Guidance from the L&R Team is a bloody miracle in itself. Previous encounters with them have usually resulted in the mindset best summarised as why did I bother!

Just "stuff"

As a result of yesterday's visit to the meat wholesaler, today started with some light butchery. A couple of hours were spent converting a couple of rib eye joints in to steaks and I started the cure of a pork loin.

By the time I had finished Whiffler was getting quite frantic, presumably because he missed a walk yesterday, so TP and I headed out around the Three Miler with the dogs. The dogs might have had fun but it wasn't a pleasant walk. It was very foggy so there was little to see and where the lanes weren't puddled they were covered with a slick of black mud. As a result dog washing was a must when we arrived back at the house.

Having had quite a busy morning I hit the sofa after lunch but rapidly realised how chilly it was. Despite having the heating on, neither 30% nor I felt particularly warm … I didn't take much encouraging to fetch kindling and logs and a fire was soon blazing in the log burner.

A matter of minutes after the fire was lit there was a knock at the door. Jules had turned up to pay 30% a visit so the next hour or so was spent drinking tea and catching up on each others' news. After Jules' departure I found some time to nudge the Enfield project a little further along.

Today's objective was to install the front engine mounting plates. It was a bit of a struggle to align the various studs and nuts with their respective holes in the mounting plates. frame tube and engine cases. It involved some head scratching and use of a steel rod to lever everything in to position followed by rapid insertion of key bolts to hold it all in position. I was fortunate to have TP's assistance with this particular task.

Keeping busy on a rainy day

After more than three weeks at home, with excursions limited to trips to the hospital, 30% was getting somewhat stir crazy …  so this morning we headed out for the mind blowing excitement that is Alcester. The problem we had to accommodate is that she cannot yet walk too far and as a consequence the local hotbeds of sin and depravity; Worcester and Stratford are beyond her limits of perambulation. Alcester may not be the most exciting destination on the planet but it does have very convenient town centre car parking.

As we headed out this morning I took a minor detour and stopped in at Redditch Motorcycles to see how the refurbishment of the Enfield's forks was progressing. I had dropped these off there sometime around the end of October/beginning of November and thought it was about time I checked on progress as it won't be long before I need them. This was today's bad news as the forks were beyond economic repair and it looks like I will need to source a new pair … most probably from India.

We headed on in to Alcester and our first stop was at the meat wholesalers. The net result of this visit was that Sunday is likely to involve a significant amount of butchery, including the curing of a loin of pork. We eventually made it to the town centre, took a gentle stroll up the High Street and a wander around Waitrose before heading home for lunch.

The weather today was vile and a walk was never going to happen so it will come as no surprise that the  afternoon was spent fiddling with the Enfield. The swing arm, rear subframe and new shock absorbers were all loosely installed … I just need some threadlock and I can get it all torqued up.

Back to work

I will freely admit that all I planned to do at work today was sift through the e-mails that had accumulated since the 22nd of December. I assumed that there would be very little to do, so was expecting a fairly lazy day. As I opened up my in-box things were looking fantastic.  There was a bare handful of mails and it was a matter of a few moments work to review and delete the majority of these. I was left with four mails, all bearing the same title …

… As I read through them it rapidly became apparent that I was going to have to do some work and the rest of the morning was spent reviewing the major deals of 2014 and summarising them on to a set of presentation slides. If I am honest it wasn't a terrible job and was far better than kicking my heels in front of a laptop waiting for something to happen, as has been common in recent weeks.

By lunchtime I had cleared the decks and in the early afternoon I headed around the Three Miler with the dogs. There were still hordes of holiday walkers but I am hoping they will disappear over the weekend to wherever it is they come from.

I was back home by mid afternoon and, feeling somewhat hypoglycaemic, stuffed my face with food and snoozed on the sofa whilst my blood sugar levels returned to what is classed as normal in these parts. As soon as I felt reasonably human again I headed out to the garage for some spanners and tightened up the bolt holding the engine mounting plate to the underside of the Enfield's gear box. There was no point delaying any further and I soon had the frame semi-unwrapped and sat alongside the motor.

TP was recruited to provide assistance and, after a lecture that included graphic threats should the frame get scratched, we carefully manoeuvred the frame back around the engine. The job went incredibly smoothly and we soon had the main studs inserted through the frame and the engine mounting plates. It was then a matter of a few minutes work to mount some ancillary brackets and tighten up the frame studs.

The front mounting plates still need to be installed but I am delighted with today's achievement.

Oh Shit, back at work tomorrow

30% and I had watched the New Year in and I had a distinct recollection of TP coming in from work at around two o'clock this morning.* I was therefore less than pleased to wake shortly after seven o'clock this morning but, unfortunately, I was not going to get back to sleep so I rose and started the day at a gently pace.

30% did make a brief appearance but headed back to bed to continue her lie in. In her defence I will point out that she was not hung over as neither of us had more than a single drink last night. After attempting to discuss the apparent necessity for nocturnal discourse** I headed in to the kitchen and cleared the decks. My eyes then fell upon a thawed breast of lamb that was destined to be this evening's dinner.

I was aware that a Lamb Pilaf took some cooking so grabbed a knife and boned and cubed the breast. Ever the completer/finisher I hunted down the recipe book and prepared the dish.  30% and TP wandered in to the kitchen just as I was adding the prepared ingredients to the slow cooker where it would simmer for most of the day.

Relieved of domestic obligations I spent the rest of the morning locating Enfield components that are key in restoring the union of frame and engine. By lunch time I had the gear box mounting plates attached finger tight. I was about to grab a torque wrench and a manual when 30% called me for lunch.

The afternoon saw a walk around the Three Miler. I hope the dogs enjoyed it more than I did. It was frustrating to have to repeatedly put the dogs back on their leads as each group of noisy Christmas Walkers was encountered and there was no rest upon my return as Whiffler was filthy and needed a bath. It is fair to say that I was shattered*** and did little more than light the fire and sit in front of it for the rest of the afternoon.

TP had been working an afternoon shift at the pub so we were together for dinner this evening and settled to watch a film on TV.

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* This would be because my loving partner decided to call across the landing to ask him how his shift at the pub was. Christ! It is two in the morning I do not want to be woken to hear that it was busy. Of course it was busy it was New Year's bloody Eve.
** it is fair to say our opinions differed
*** three large dogs on leads give you quite an upper body workout

Oh, so that's how you do it

This morning started with a trip over to Worcester for 30% to attend a consultation with her Surgeon. He is happy with progress and it looks like she will be visiting the local surgery for wound dressing until her next appointment with him in three week's time.

Back at home I made a start on reassembling the Enfield's kick stand and immediately ran in to trouble. The freshly powder coated parts should have simply bolted together but the bolt had thread damage and was very reluctant to screw in to it's locating hole.

A consequence of this was that lunch was rushed so I could make it over to Hitchocks Motorcycles before they closed for the New Year Holiday. The chaps at Hitchcocks were soon working their way through my hastily scrawled list of replacements for knackered components and then took a look at my side stand bracket. It was a matter of a few moments work for them to run a tap* through the thread to clean it and a shiny replacement bolt was added to my box of parts.

Back at home I soon had the stand attached to the bracket and then I dug out the new return spring …

… Oh shit! How the hell was I going to fix that on the two retaining lugs. The damned thing is made from 3 mm gauge stainless steel and there was no way on Earth I could manage to stretch the thing a micron, let alone the nine or ten millimetres needed to install it. After an extended period of head scratching I stumbled across a nugget of wisdom on the internet. Apparently the technique was to insert pennies or washers between the turns of the spring to extend it and allow insertion.

It sounded simple enough so TP's change jar was raided and I headed off to the garage. The internet did not mention that a vice, garden gloves, mole grips and pliers were also needed to ram a stack of low denomination coinage and assorted washers in to the spring. However after fifteen or so minutes the end of the spring passed over the retaining rod and the spacers were tugged free.

I am hoping, but am far from confident, that the rest of the reassembly is somewhat more straightforward.

The remainder of New Year's Eve was spent at home watching a film. TP was working behind a bar at a local pub so Lord knows what time he will eventually make it back home.

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* A set of these is likely to be added to my toolbox very soon

Meeting up

Monday was taken at a fairly gentle pace. The main event of the morning was a trip in to the hospital at Worcester for 30% to have her incision checked and dressed. We then headed home and 30% hit the sack for a snooze.  I roused her around one o'clock with a light lunch lunch.

The afternoon saw a walk around the Three Miler with the dogs and I must have met Christmas Walkers every couple of hundred yards. This necessitates all three dogs being called back and put on their leads to avoid muddy paws/clean coats or excited dogs/petrified walker type incidents. It is a pain in the arse and I will be glad when the New Year has passed and they will no longer feel the need to take a walk around the lanes.

I snoozed for an hour or so upon my return and also found a few minutes to apply a second coat of enamel to the gearbox mounting plate. As the evening approached we tidied ourselves and headed over to Rosie & Jim's house, taking a minor detour to collect Bond, Moneypenny and their offspring. We had a lovely evening with Rosie serving up a fantastic Jambalaya for dinner. Party games were played and we were introduced to the card game known as Spoons. I am not a huge fan of party games but have to admit that this one was hysterical and I can imagine quite catastrophic when drunk … I was, however, the designated driver this evening.

Picture Post

Today was hardly the momentous of Sunday's. The house is quieter than normal as TP is away at his Grandma's house and 30% and I were hardly rushing to achieve anything. The dogs were walked in the morning, the afternoon saw a visit to the supermarket and then we drove over to see BMS and SMS …

… We were not the only visitors at Dad's house. My Nephew and his partner were paying a visit and had, as expected, announced that Dad's will become a Great Grandfather towards the end of June 2015. After congratulations all round we chatted a while and then headed home.

Once at home; a fire was lit and I soon fell asleep in front of it for the best part of an hour. On waking I did manage to apply the first coat of enamel to the gearbox mounting plate on the Enfield. Bloody Hell! … theoretically I could actually be attempting to reattach frame to engine before I head back to work at the end of the week.

With so little going on I have, again, trawled my virtual trunk and retrieved a photograph from the past to fill some space. This little fellow was a regular visitor to courtyard outside the cottage at Pwll Du. We soon discovered that he could be tempted much closer with dried apricots and here he is munching his way through one of many that we gave him during our stay in April 2013.

Film Review

Today 30% and I sat down to watch a film about a mass kidnapping and the resultant effects of Stockholm Syndrome on the victims.  The quite bizarre aspect of this psychological study was that it was a musical … yep, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers was on TV.

We don't like Christmas Pudding

That is the complaint I hear each and every year from 30% and TP.

I, on the other hand, absolutely love Christmas Pudding* but very rarely get to eat it. Basically after stuffing my face with Christmas Breakfast, various Christmas nibbles and finally sitting down to a humungous Christmas Dinner I have very little room left for a portion of Christmas Pudding and there seems very little point cooking the little fellow just for me.

As a result one of the Kitchen cupboards has, for a few years,  held a box purporting to contain one of the Finest of Christmas Puddings. 30% had extracted it from it's lair just before the 25th and cast a very doubtful eye over the package. The box very clearly advised that the pudding was best before a date in 2012. Eyebrows were raised when I advised that I was going to eat the damned thing at some point over the holiday.

Well today I opened the box and studied the cooking instructions. There are many accounts of food being fit for consumption long after most would have thrown it away. Recollections of WW1 tins of chocolate and Wedding Cakes where the top tier was preserved for a Christening years later all convinced me that the pud would be fine. After all the damned thing was soaked in Courvoisier, what could possibly go wrong?

I pierced the still sealed cover and nuked the pudding in the microwave in accordance with the still legible instructions on the tatty box … about twenty minutes** later I removed the box from the microwave and unpeeled the cover. It was piping hot and smelt gorgeous. I turned it out on to a plate and cut myself a slice of the steaming pudding. A dollop of cream was added and a first bite was taken ...

… it was beautiful, rich, fruity and slightly boozy from the brandy that had preserved it for at least two years beyond what the manufacturers thought best. The strange thing was that both 30% and TP were brave enough to taste it and both said they really liked it.

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* I did order a portion at The Oak when we dined there on the 23rd but it wasn't right. It tasted very strongly of marzipan and the texture was way too dry. I have a strong suspicion that the cheeky buggers simply heated and served a slice of de-iced Christmas cake and had hoped I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Unfortunately my palette is way more sophisticated than that and I fucking hate marzipan.
** 5 minutes on full power, stand for ten minutes followed by another 5 minutes on defrost setting

Mrs Tweedy's Bacon Sandwich

It had been arranged that 30%'s family would visit us for breakfast and an exchange of presents this morning. 30% wanted to present a full-on full English Breakfast until I reminded her of her convalescence and advised that bacon cobs would be served with ketchup of one's choice.*

Shortly after ten o'clock I could be found cooking a veritable mountain of bacon. There were only eight of us so twenty rashers of smoked back were judged ample, placed in a pre-warmed dish and rushed to the table along with two dozen crusty cobs. As the food started to disappear it became apparent that more bacon was needed so I returned to the kitchen and another thirty rashers of finest streaky were cooked and delivered to the table.

Now, I like my food but even I could only manage two cobs, both of which were packed with ample rashers of bacon, so I was somewhat amazed that 30%'s Dad and Sister both managed three. Neither of them are big people, her sister is positively tiny, but Christ can they put food away.

However, neither Roy nor Amy won the pig of the pig award. That honour was bestowed on Mrs Tweedy. At this point I should probably clarify Mrs Tweedy's identity. Back in the Summer 30%'s Mum and Dad did a spot of dog sitting whilst we had an overnight stay with friends in Cheshire. Tyson reported that she had found 30%'s mum squeezing the chickens in order to extract the eggs and from that day forward she has developed a reputation as the nemesis of hens much like the character Mrs Tweedy in the Aardman Animation Film  Chicken Run.

Now our Mrs Tweedy is not a big woman either, apparently there have been occasions when she has borrowed 30%'s sisters clothes.** Hopefully, by now, you have developed a picture of a somewhat shrewish woman with a frame that is erring towards gaunt. Well, this morning I was sat next to her and
happened to notice that a couple of bites in to her first bacon cob she paused and returned the roll to her plate. She opened the already healthily crammed butty and then added several more rashers of bacon to produce a bacons sarnie with a bacon to bread ratio*** even I would be amazed by.

I casually mentioned this to 30% later in the day and she confirmed that she too had noticed this boxing day gluttony and had been equally amazed.

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* Generally I go with brown sauce with bacon and tomato ketchup with sausages. Don't ask me why but to reverse this arrangement is anathema to me … positively a crime against nature.
* The word mutton would normally come to mind but fucking sad and delusional is probably closer to the truth.
*** A mathematical model has been developed here at The Pile that determines whether there is sufficient bacon in the sandwich. At least 20% of the sandwich must be bacon, preferably much closer to 100%

Christmas Eve

After breakfast I hit my virtual "to do" list and extracted the gammon joint from the fridge and the rib of beef from the freezer. The former was taken up to the kitchen whilst the latter was left on a platter in the cellar to slowly thaw. The gammon was put in to a huge pan of water and hefted on to the hob. It was going to take some time to come to the boil so I wandered in to the study and made a start on wrapping 30%'s gifts.

By ten o'clock the gammon was simmering nicely and my wrapping was just about done. This was perfect timing as 30% and I needed to head in to Worcester to have her incision dressed.* TP was left in charge of the house with strict instructions to tidy up and keep an eye on the gammon.

We were home shortly after midday and by the time we had lunched the gammon was ready to be removed from the jam kettle. It was placed in a roasting dish, studded with cloves and basted with brown sugar and honey. It was then roasted for twenty five minutes and emerged from the oven looking quite splendid.

Buoyed by this culinary success I took a ride in to Tesco to pick up a few last minute necessities and to see if there were any bargains to be had. I did return with a Grade A fresh Turkey which had been reduced by twenty pounds but it was not exactly cheap even after the reduction.**

Back at home it was a case of unpacking the groceries and further present wrapping before settling in front of the TV for a film.

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* The nurse seemed to think all was going well but took a swab just to be on the safe side. Both 30% and I took some convincing as the dressing smelt quite unpleasant. If I am truly honest I thought that one of use had trod in dog poo as we drove in to Worcester. It probably needs to be said that I have always had a keen sense of smell.
* Twenty eight pounds, or thereabouts.

Apparently I was given a tailor made leather coat*

Today is my Birthday.

 I woke just before six this morning and wandered downstairs to enjoy an espresso from the new Gaggia. I had spent a while yesterday evening flushing the thing through and grinding some beans so that this morning all I had to do was turn it on, let it heat up and then create a perfect double espresso. Whiffler even slept in so my first coffee of the day was undisturbed by a dog demanding to be let out for a pee.

Eventually 30% and TP appeared and I was rewarded with cards and humorous gifts. 30% presented me with a novelty ice cube tray that produces icebergs and Titanics to be added to one's Gin and Titonic. TP presented me with a large but very light gift that I shook but was none the wiser. 30% warned that it might be fragile and TP advised that it most definitely was breakable. I removed the paper to see that he had been to the Pound Shop to replace the Drain Cover that he destroyed with the wheelie bin a couple of weeks ago … Little Git!

During the morning I actually found 5 minutes to apply a coat of primer to the Enfield's last engine mounting plate while 30% was distracted by a telephone call. As I was cleaning my brushes I was informed that there was a free slot for her CT scan this afternoon so a 2:30 appointment was arranged at the hospital in Worcester.

The remainder of the morning was taken up by a visit by BMS and SMS who called in to pass on Birthday gifts and greetings. BMS advised that he is to receive some important news when his Grandson; Anthony calls in on the 27th … it didn't take Rocket Scientist to surmise that he is likely to become a Great Grandfather at some point in 2015.

Shortly after midday we headed over to The Oak at Upton Snodsbury for a birthday lunch and 30% and I then headed in to Worcester for her 2.30 appointment in the Imaging Suite at The Spire South Bank Hospital on the Bath Road. It was not far off four o'clock before we were back at home.

A good chunk of the early evening was spent lugging enormous presents down from the spare room and wrapping them in front of the TV. As birthdays go this one was par for the course … it had the usual Christmas interruptions plus, on this occasion, 30%'s hospital visit too for added variety.

One day I swear I will do exactly what I want on my Birthday. I know that is a very selfish thing to say but if you can't be selfish on your birthday when can you be? I am also aware that trying to have a birthday with Christmas knocking at the door is like trying to focus on a candle in front of the sun at midday … it ain't never gonna happen.

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* Over the past couple of months I have made numerous visit to Jonny on Stratford Market as he has designed and then fitted a tailor made leather coat for me. It was to be my birthday gift but at the time of jotting this down 30% has made reference to it but has yet to present it to me. I hope it turns up soon it is supposed to be cold on Christmas Day.

A very short week

My annual leave allowance required me to work today before starting my Birthday/Christmas holiday, which will run through until New Year's Day. I therefore had a working week exactly one day in length … I am pretty sure I can manage to make my way through this one without too much trouble.

I managed to make it in to the office just before nine and wandered in to a room that could house upward of fifty people. Today the occupants could be counted on the fingers of one hand. I completed my expenses and then scratched around for something to occupy me … I found nothing so nipped out to visit a couple of local supermarkets in search of a few essentials. One of these was a large gammon joint that is destined to become a honey roast ham. Unfortunately I failed to locate the perfect chunk of pork and returned to the office realising that I would need to visit a third supermarket at some point in the day.

I spent the remainder of the morning chatting to colleagues before making a discreet departure at midday. I then raced around Tesco and finally found a decent gammon joint to be boiled, skinned, studded with cloves, basted with honey and roasted at some point over the next couple of days.

Back at home I was delighted to find that my Gaggia had arrived and it was nice to see TP and 30% too. We lunched and then I set up the laptop in the study and sat in front of it until I decided that no-one was particularly interested in whether I was there or not.

The evening saw a further visit to the hospital with 30%. On this occasion it was a pre-planned visit to see her Consultant. He reported that her histology results were good and made a few tweaks to the treatment plan for her incision to ensure her recovery progresses at the best possible rate.

We headed home greatly encouraged by the consultation and delighted by the histology results. The evening was spent on the sofa as we are likely to be doing for the next few weeks while 30%'s abdomen knits itself back together.

Lazy Day

After yesterday evening's excitement 30%, understandably, was none too prompt when it came to rising this morning. This was very useful as it gave me the opportunity to nip back in to Stratford to purchase a semi-surprise present without a pre-departure interrogation.  Note the use of the term semi-surprise as I doubt it would take 30% more than a few minutes to accurately deduce where I had been and for what purpose. If I added in a couple more minutes I am fairly sure that she could work out what I had bought too.

I was back at home well before lunch and spent the time prepping the Enfield's gearbox mounting plate for painting. It was a matter of rubbing down the still attached mounting plate before cleaning up, degreasing and masking up the surrounding area. I then applied a coat of rust preventative. Primer and enamel will be applied over the next few days.

After lunch I headed out around the Three Miler with the dogs before settling on the sofa for a King-sized nap. I had managed to sleep until the early evening and it was only the arrival of a delivery from the supermarket that stirred me from my slumbers.

If I am honest that pretty much sums up my day as the evening involved a couple of films and little more. I really did have a very lazy day.

An outing, going solo and another trip to hospital

This morning I had a trip in to Stratford planned, to pick up a few gifts and some essentials including coffee beans. It was therefore somewhat ironic that the Gaggia expired when I attempted to produce my morning espresso. I am not exaggerating when I say that less than sixty seconds later I was logged on to the Amazon website and a replacement should be here on Monday.

The trip to Stratford was successful and quite brief. 30% had accompanied me so walking was strictly limited to a few hundred yards and we were back home before the clocks struck eleven. We pottered, took an early lunch and immediately after 30% was visited by a frolleague who also lives in the village. Andrea, the frolleage, had brought along her young daughter Emma and I rapidly grew tired of shepherding three excited dogs in and out of the lounge dependent on Emma's whims …

… I therefore headed out around the Three Miler with all three dogs on my first solo outing.  The new lead seemed to work well with T&M not making any fuss about being attached to each other as they were walked through the village. They only had to endure this subjugation for a few hundred yards at each end of the route as we walked through the village streets. As soon as we were out in they lanes they were released to race about as they pleased. There were a couple of occasions when I needed to get all three back on their leads and this went smoothly although the real test will come when we encounter one of their canine chums and I need to control three very excitable dogs.

After the walk I managed to squeeze in a brief kip before I finally dismantled Whiffler's puppy crate and stored it in the garage. I then managed to relocate the Enfield's engine in to the house on a temporary basis while I paint the one remaining engine mounting plate that cannot be separated from the motor.

I had just finished heaving this heavy lump when 30% appeared and advised that she thought she had just felt her surgical incision tear. I took a look and, although reassured by a complete lack of blood, felt that a trip to the hospital was needed. The hospital staff were fantastic and 30% was immediately shown to a private room and was examined by a nurse and doctor within minutes. Her incision was judged to be healing well with no worrying signs and the tear was judged to be minor and simply needed to be packed and dressed.

Within half an hour we heading home and a Chinese takeaway was ordered en route. It is fair to say that after that "excitement" the remainder of the evening was understandably quiet.

I am now "mince pie enabled"

This morning, yet again, I found myself on the eight o'clock train from Redditch into Birmingham. By a quarter past nine I was strapped in to the Dentist's chair and spent the next forty minutes having my implant tweaked and adjusted until it sat perfectly amongst my natural choppers. Once the cement had set I was released from the chair and I asked if I had to avoid using the new crown for the next twenty four hours. "Oh No" replied the Dentist, he continued advising that the implant could chewed with immediately and uttered the immortal words "You are now Mince Pie enabled".

I do have one further check up in the middle of January but hopefully that will be the last time I need to schlep in to Brum to make a wealthy Dentist wealthier.

That just about sums up the day's most significant event. 30% managed to avoid a return trip to hospital today so I actually managed to get out and around the Three Miler with the dogs. Today's walk featured a trial of the new dog lead accessory that allows both T&M to be attached to a single lead. Hopefully it will allow me to walk all three dogs on my own going forward.

Just Stuff

It will come as no surprise that it was another quiet day and that was just as well as I needed to ferry 30% back in to hospital …

… without going into great detail the removal of her sutures had an unexpected effect and, after a quick call to the hospital, it was felt that she should pop in for them to take a look. As it transpired there were no major concerns and we were soon on our way home.

You would think that 30% would then take it easy for the rest of the day but had, instead, invited her brother and sister over for lunch. As they nattered, munched and drank coffee I headed in to the study and pretended to work on and off for the rest of the afternoon*. As 30%'s siblings disappeared Dr Oranges & Lemons turned up and visiting hours were extended accordingly.

When her guests disappeared 30% was somewhat shattered and disappeared upstairs for a snooze. I did the decent thing and left her to it while I prepared dinner. Tonight saw me deliver a peanut chicken curry** which went down a treat.

The preceding paragraphs hardly warrant publishing so I thought I would pad this entry out with an observation of Whiffler's behaviour that we find rather charming …

… Upon his arrival here at The Pile he was given a small sheep skin rug to sleep on and instantly became very attached to it. Initially this caused a few problems for us, as it was a case of near perfect camouflage when he lay on it, and we would often have to perform double takes to ensure he was on his bed rather than up to mischief elsewhere in the house.

As I said, he became very attached to this rug and after a few weeks we started to notice that the rug seemed to have a life of it's own. It was never where we thought it should be. Eventually we discovered what was going on when we heard an odd scraping noise and saw a very small Whiffler dragging his rug from his puppy crate through to the lounge where, with considerable effort and dedication, he got it up on to the sofa and promptly settled on it. If you imagine a lioness on the savannah dragging her kill in to the shade of an acacia you will get some idea of both the technique and effort Whiffler puts in to this labour.

He has continued to do this and his spot on the settee is regularly to be found piled high with his bedding, toys and favourite chews. This evening he took things to another level when we found him dragging in a sack of dog kibble … it seems he fancied a snack in front of the TV.

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* I did actually have a couple of calls scheduled and only one of them got cancelled
** Think Chicken Satay, but served as a chicken in a peanut curry sauce much like standard British Indian Restaurant fare rather than meat on skewers with a dipping sauce.

Frustration

I'm feeling somewhat frustrated at present as I have very little to do but feel that I should be sat in front of my laptop during the working day. 30% says that I am far too conscientious and advised that one of our colleagues had just posted on Facebook that he was currently attending his daughter's nativity play and many others just bugger off to do their Christmas shopping.

Now don't get me wrong I am definitely winding down for Christmas and have no great desire to work my wotsits off for the next few days, but I also feel that it is wrong to just absent myself from work. I therefore do what I must and only occasionally disappear for a few minutes to complete the odd vital chore. Today I did have one such vital chore and a couple of hours were taken up in the middle of the day escorting 30% in to Worcester to have her sutures removed.

Understandably she was feeling none too lively after that, so I was also on dinner duty this evening. I managed to deliver lambs liver, bacon and onions in a rich gravy to the table along with vegetables and creamy mashed potato perfectly time to coincide with the end of the evening edition of The Archers.

I also ordered a few critical components for the Enfield … this is to avoid further frustration over the holidays, if I manage to reach the point where the engine is ready to go back in to the frame, I don't want to be held up by the absence of a few nuts and bolts.

Picture Post

As things are quiet on the home front I thought I would fill some space with a photo taken earlier in the year when we visited Sri Lanka.

This mother and calf were seen at the Udewalawe National Park.  The area of the park frequented by the elephants is fairly open with low scrub. It makes them fairly easy to spot but it was incredibly surprising how quickly they disappeared from view when they turned tail and wandered away from the tracks in the park. For an animal so large they moved with little or no sound and within a couple of paces seemed to simply blend in to the low scrubby trees.

Other Stuff
The reassembly of the Enfield creeps forward and today I unwrapped the freshly powder coated head lamp casing and installed the upper bearing race and the ignition switch bezel. Both of these needed to be driven in to their respective housings with a hammer and bearing driver and I was somewhat nervous of marking the shiny paintwork. Fortunately the job went smoothly and this casing is now ready to be reattached to the frame where it is a principal component attaching the forks to the frame via the steering head bearings.

I just need to finish painting the engine mounts, polish the engine cases and order some new mounting bolts and the engine and frame can be paired up once more. It all sounds so straightforward when jotted down here, but there is always something else that needs doing too.

It's Quiet ...

… too damned quiet!

It must be the because of the lead up to Christmas but I have very little to do. It is fair to say that I had a very easy day.

A trickle of spare parts arrived for the Enfield and a front disk is now bolted, but not yet torqued, to the front wheel and a pair of shock absorbers are decorating the floor of the Study. A pair of Fork Plug Screws managed to wing their way over from India in just over a week for less than half the price demanded by a UK Supplier … they were only four quid and will catch one's eye every time the speedometer is viewed so definitely worth having in place of the rusty crap they will replace.

The evening saw the final puppy training class of this year. It was the traditional Christmas Party where the training exercises are tweaked somewhat and turned in to party games. It was a bit of a giggle and Whiffler and I managed to take first prize in the Musical Chairs game. TP looked on in bemused fashion as 30% had remained at home to convalesce.

There has always been a pair of us attending the puppy training classes as Whiffler has been somewhat nervous travelling in the back of the car. 30% has, to date, sat in the back of the car and reassured him and rewarded him with chunks of cheese to get him used to the rides. He now appears to be much more confident as he learns that the trips result in fun and games at the classes and I don't think it will be long before he is relaxed and confident in the car.

So that was my day. I am guessing that things are likely to stay like this until the New Year.

I almost forgot ...

A combination of a lethargic diesel pump and the car's humongous fuel tank meant that the car behind me contained a mouldering corpse and a teenager struggling to escape the restraints of a child car seat by the time I had fuelled up at the Supermarket Petrol Station on Saturday morning.