Open for business ... again

 My little road-side honey stall does a surprising amount of trade considering that we live on a lane that has more pedestrian and equestrian than vehicular traffic.

I won't be so crass as to give revenue and turnover figures, but, in a little over four months, I have sold about sixty pounds of honey.  That's not bad considering that, once it has been bottled and labelled, the effort involved is minimal other than collecting the cash and keeping the little stall stocked.

There are times when I consider the effort of harvesting honey from the hives and wonder if being a reseller is the way forward.*

Anyway, to the point of today's entry, Pete the beekeeper dropped off a thirty pound tub of honey yesterday and today my main achievement was that I managed to clarify, bottle and label about one third of it.

I resupplied my little stall and we are open for business ...again.

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* Then I wander up to the colonies for an inspection and realise that I have an interest that has moments that are truly zen. Who wouldn't want that!

That's eight of your "five a day"

The title of today's entry comes from a conversation shared during dinner ...

The veg patch and greenhouses are bountiful and I am concerned that it may well be possible to eat too many vegetables. Last night's supper included beans, cabbage and carrots and pounds of tomatoes are arriving in the kitchen every day. Allegedly this evening's meal of liver, bacon and onion gravy included eight portions of vegetables!

I'm not certain of the veracity of this statement, but I'm giving myself an A+ for gut health at the moment!

Right, this Journal entry is a little jumbled, but I'll now have a go at pulling it in to some semblance of order. 

30% and the dogs headed off for a morning walk shortly after breakfast and I wandered in to the kitchen.  There is a large bowl sat on the worktop, filled to the brim with tomatoes of various sizes, shapes and colours.  This morning I planned to reduce this glut somewhat and set to preparing the ingredients for another batch of tomato soup.

An hour or so, later I had used over two kilos of toms and produced about four litres of soup. The worrying this is that I had used barely half of the tomatoes and I'll be picking more tomorrow.

In the early afternoon Beekeeper Pete turned up at the back door with a thirty pound tub of honey.  He had noticed that my little roadside stall had been taken in, and realised that I must have run out of stock. It looks like the next few days will be spent clarifying and bottling this batch, and my little side hustle will be back in operation.

In the late afternoon 30% drove me over to Droitwich for an appointment with the Ophthalmologist. I have become more than a little worried about my eyesight over the past couple of days; as I have started to experience some pain, cloudiness and sensitivity to bright light. These are all symptoms of glaucoma and my hypochondria had kicked in.  It was fortunate that I had a scheduled appointment today.

I was given a thorough, and painful, check-up and do not have glaucoma, but I do have a problem with the ducts that drain the area between the cornea and iris. Apparently I will be booked in for laser treatment in the very near future to alleviate the condition.

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* Don't Ask.

Tree Ferns & Poultry

This morning it was decided that we would pop over to Rowberry's Nursery for a look around before heading over to Morrison's in Bromsgrove to collect a duvet from the dry cleaner. 

There is an interesting annoying back story to the dry cleaning of the duvet involving the changing of bed linen, roast lamb for Sunday dinner, a bone, a dog and the integration of the latter two elements.  I'll leave it to the casual reader to construct a narrative that pulls all of these together.

Anyway, we headed over to the Nursery and had a pleasant time wandering amongst the plants. Our attention was drawn to the fabulous Tree Ferns in the greenhouses and we got a little envious. We do have a little tree fern. 30% purchased it a couple of months ago from B&Q. It's not very big, standing about 40cm high with a spread of about the same amount. The smallest examples in Rowberrys were about 1m high and close to 1.5m across.  We peered at the price, expecting it to be eye watering, and found it to be only £20 more than the specimen from B&Q.

In an instant the decision was made that our little tree fern was obviously lonely and would grow far better in the company of one of these magnificent examples.  As I type this, it is sitting in a bath of water under our variegated Maple giving its roots a damned good soak.

In the afternoon we finally go the chicks sorted. The oldest birds* were moved in to their permanent home in the orchard and the youngest birds were relocated to larger brooder in the store room. It will only be a few more weeks before the older of the Crested Cream Legbars can be introduced to the Marans and Norfolk Greys. 

As for the remaining chicks, 30% has advertised them for sale. Anyone want to buy a chicken or two?

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* Three Cuckoo Marans and  five Norfolk Grey pullets 

Unexpected visitor

30% had planned to spend much of the day with Jules and they headed off in the general direction of Stratford at around ten this morning.

Home alone, I headed in to the kitchen, assembled ingredients and equipment and spent the remainder of the morning cooking up another batch of tomato soup. The tomatoes in the greenhouse are finally ripening and we have a fantastic crop of Alicante. The fruits are almost as big as dessert apples and it's great to be able to produce your own food.  The soup will be bagged and frozen and be a delicious lunch at some point in the coming months.

As I was finishing up the soup, the dogs started barking and that usually means we have a visitor. I wandered out of the front door and saw a young chap walking down the drive towards the house.  It took a moment or two before I realised that it was my half-brother. I hadn't seen him for probably twelve years and you know how it is when you see someone out of context.

After that hesitant start we shared a hug and spent the next couple of hours catching up. Our recent bereavement was the instigation for his visit and, obviously, much of the discussion was focussed around recent events.  The visit wasn't awful, but I am not close to my family and have had minimal contact with any of them, other than brief encounters at family funerals. Consequently the conversation was somewhat stilted at times as it is difficult to know which topics of conversation are off limits. We both did our best and it was a pleasant enough experience. It was decent of him to take the initiative and call in for a catch-up. 

I suppose the big question is; will this visit bring about a change in our relationship? I think probably not. We have drifted apart over the years and in that time we have all developed our own friendship groups, relationships, lifestyles and interests. A dozen years is a lot of drifting and I'm not sure that a little bit of shared DNA is enough to rebuild relations.

The visit was certainly a disturbance in the force and left me a little slightly unsettled.  I suppose I am going to have more of this over the coming few weeks.

In other news I shortened the two section of trellis that we purchased yesterday and spent a happy hour getting them fixed to the side of Rose Cottage.  30% was delighted by the result, but thinks we should add another couple to the old shed.

Mostly Poultry

My priority over the past few days has been to rationalise our poultry situation.

At present we had three groups of chicks. The oldest are seven and a half weeks old and the youngest hatched exactly four weeks ago.  Caring for young chicks is the proverbial pain in the backside. They need to be kept under heat until they are about six weeks old and they have an incredible ability to contaminate their food and water supples with their own excrement. Each of the brooders needs to be checked at least three times a day and their food and water supplies need to be either refreshed or, more usually, cleaned out. They are also incredibly excitable. The slightest disturbance will result in flapping, squawking and birds leaping in the air in a chaotic fashion!

After eight weeks this is becoming tiresome and I still have another couple of weeks to go, but, fortunately, the oldest hatchlings are now ready to be moved to the coop in the orchard. They will have much more room and, hopefully, will be less inclined to shit in their food and water.

My plan is to get the oldest birds up to the coop by the end of the week and my attention has been focussed on this. The coop was sited and assembled yesterday and today I worked on the finishing touches; making stands to lift the feeders and drinkers clear of their bedding and a temporary mesh door* for the coop.  Access to the nest boxes was also blocked. This is an attempt to stop the birds becoming accustomed to roosting in them. Once they form this habit, it is virtually impossible to break and can result in eggs being broken.

In other news, 30% and I popped over to a reclamation yard on the other side of Bromsgrove to pick up some incredibly cheap trellis. This is to be installed on the outside of Rose Cottage for the climbing rose and honeysuckle to grow up.

I also checked on the bees' syrup feeders and topped them up. The colonies seem to be taking down a litre of syrup each day, which is an encouraging sign that they are settling in to the hives and building up stores in advance of the Winter.

The last bit of new was that Bobbyn came over for an evening walk with the dogs. It was a beautiful evening and the sun was setting as we arrived back at home. Bobbyn commented that it won't be long before we need to take our head torches to light our path.

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* The birds will be confined to the coop for a week, or so. This is to get them to imprint on their new home before they are given access to the run.  If they are not imprinted they can be reluctant to roost in the coop as dusk approaches.  This can result in yours truly having to scrabble around on hands and knees in the run catching the little sods and shoving them back in to the coup each evening ... This is not an item on my bucket list.

Mr Benn

This morning started with me roughing out a plot line for a brand new episode of the 1970's children's TV favourite Mr Benn.

Mr Benn's role is now taken on by our youngest dog Hobson. He leaves his residence in Festive Road and sets out for the day. As he walks past the costume shop, his eye is caught by Guide Dog's high viz harness and his interest is piqued.  He enters the shop and "as if by magic the shopkeeper appeared". Hobson tries on the harness in the changing room and exits by the secret door. A fantastic adventure follows where he is a guide dog for an elderly lady and takes her to a betting shop, a drug den and eventually ends up in a brothel, where she is very popular.  At this point 30% advised that this was a little dark and not appropriate for the intended audience.

Oh well, back to the drawing board.

Today was another busy day.  The morning was spent repotting the Monstera and I almost did myself a mischief getting it back up the stairs* to the bathroom.

In the afternoon I checked on the bees and can report that both colonies are doing well. I have still have not managed to see the second queen, but it is apparent that she is laying as she has produced significant quantities of brood. Both colonies are taking in large quantities of syrup and the frames of foundation are gradually being transformed into fresh comb and stores.  We have a fine week ahead** and I need to keep the feeders topped up with syrup.

The remainder of the afternoon was spent siting and assembling the chicken coop. This turned out to be a bit of a mission. The site needed to be levelled and the run needed to be attached to the coop. Although it is beautifully made, it was a pig of a job and the air was blue with a stream of colourful invective as assembly lurched forward.

Top marks go to 30% for restraint and patience while assisting me in this job.

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* The stairs in the cottage are known affectionately as The Ladder. There are only nine of them but they are very steep, very narrow and have a 90° turn half way up.  Going up is relatively straightforward, but coming down is a piece of performance art!

** Feeding a young colony is critical to its success.  The young bees need the syrup to produce beeswax.  Wax creation is temperature dependent, so the warmer the weather, the more likely the bees are to produce wax and build comb.  The more comb they build, the more syrup can be stored and converted to Winter stores. The more comb they build, the more cells are available for the queen to lay in. 

Day of rest

Today was a lazy day.

I had planned to inspect the hives, but didn't pay enough attention to the weather forecast.  The morning sunshine didn't last and the afternoon was cloudy and cool. Basically I missed the warm sunny weather and the inspections were deferred until tomorrow.

I did finish removing the slabs from the overgrown path in the orchard and I did take a few Dianthus cuttings from a rather attractive Pink that has provided flowers and scent on the patio over the Summer. 

I also attended to a large hexagonal planter that 30% has earmarked for the Monstera that lives in the bathroom.  The pot needed to have small feet attached to prevent damage to the tile flooring, so I got creative with silicone and some plastic thingumajigs that I found in the workshop. I think it will work really well, but we'll see tomorrow when the Monstera gets repotted.

That just about sums up my Sunday, although I can report that the last of the beetroot were roasted and served with this evening's roast lamb.  They were OK, but hardly a taste sensation.  They definitely need the tang of pickling vinegar or the additional flavourings of a chutney recipe to give them a boost.

Knackered

We were breakfasted and out of the house shortly after nine o'clock this morning. If I knew how the day was going to pan out, I would have taken a more leisurely start to the day.

Our first mission was a trip into Worcester to pick up a new hedge trimmer.* I have bit the bullet and gone for a battery powered model. With approximately 300 yards of hedging, the garden is certainly going to be an arduous test for this new piece of kit.  

After collecting the trimmer, we headed across the road and spent a happy hour in the supermarket picking up a few staples. Having done that we decided that the planned trip to Golls Nursery could be deferred and headed straight home.

After unpacking the car and putting the trimmer battery on charge, it was lunchtime. 30% had heated a batch of celeriac soup from the freezer and it was beautiful. I kid myself that it is healthy because of all the vegetables in it, but this perspective necessitates ignoring the significant quantity of butter and double cream added.

Lunch was followed by a way too short snooze, before I headed out to the garden and cut the remaining lawns; the front lawn, around the greenhouses, around the garage and the verges at the front of the house. 

I had certainly got my steps in this afternoon, but 30% was in the mood for a short walk, so we took a twenty minute amble down the lane before turning and heading home.

As 30% headed in to the kitchen to think about dinner, I grabbed a sack truck and spade and headed up to the orchard. 

We will shortly be having French drains installed in an attempt to better handle the run-off of rain from the field upslope of the cottage.  The orchard has an old paved path along the course of the new drain and this is likely to get destroyed during the excavations. I thought it best if I lifted the paving slabs and stacked them out of the way, rather than have to pick up fragments of slab at a later date.

I had lifted and stacked twenty of the slabs before exhaustion set in, and I wandered back to the house and slumped on the sofa. Both of us were exhausted and did little other than eat this evening. We were in bed by nine o'clock and snoring not long after

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* I have a petrol powered, long reach hedge trimmer which is a must for the upper portions** of the hedges, but it is heavy and awkward for the lower sections. I am hoping the new battery powered trimmer makes the lower sections less effort.

** Some of these require a step ladder, even with a long reach hedge trimmer.

The Tricky Pooh

 Friday the 13th, unlucky for some, especially if you are Dog #4 AKA The Rat.

It is strange how a single event can set the course for the day, and that is exactly what happened today. 

For a couple of weeks 30% has been nagging encouraging me to give The Rat a haircut. She does not enjoy going to the dog grooming salon, so it falls to me to keep her coat reasonably neat and tidy. I must admit that I have neglected my duties recently and she currently peers from beneath a large mop of red hair. The reason for the neglect is not pure laziness. My eyes have been very sore recently and I really didn't want to be clipping a dog. The task produces a vast quantity of hair and it get's everywhere ... including my eyes.

Anyway, back to the story. I was woken early this morning by The Rat. She wanted to be let out for a pee, so I climbed from my bed, wandered downstairs and let her out of the front door.  As she capered around the garden, I headed to the kitchen and made coffee. While the kettle boiled The Rat caught my attention. She was pacing to and fro on the lawn, circling and performing a strange little dance. 

I realised that this was a canine pre-pooh ritual and was about to wander away when I noticed that she was having a tricky pooh and ended up with, shall we say, a rather messy rear end. Her coat was definitely in need of a clip and that became my job for day.

The Rat is something of a drama queen and has a tendency to squeal at the slightest nudge. This a nervous reaction rather than a pain response, but it dictates how she is clipped. A trip to the groomers will put her on edge and having strange people attempt to manhandle her results in a very upset dog. As a result I clip her at home in an environment she knows. I also clip her at a gentle pace with plenty of breaks for biscuit treats* and play.

By lunchtime I had done her head and body and she was running around looking like she had just tried on a set of Ugg boots.**

The afternoon session focussed on her legs and feet and I can report that I now have a dog that can be walked in public, without fear of ridicule.***

I'm bloody freezing!

After an afternoon snooze that is exactly what we did. 30% and I took a wander down the lane, as far as the little bridge, before we returned home.

That pretty much sums up my day, although I did experience a surge of motivation in early evening and got the back lawn mowed before dinner.

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* She was not impressed by the soggy custard cream I offered at break no. 1

** A set of four, obviously!

*** A further session will be required to tidy up her feet, but that can wait for a day, or two, or three ...

Thoughts on Beetroot Chutney

This morning was taken up with a visit to the Ophthalmology clinic in Worcester. This time it was 30%'s turn, as she was having her second cataract operation. All went smoothly and we were home and drinking a desperately needed coffee just before midday.

Understandably 30% was feeling somewhat maimed and spent a good chunk of the afternoon sleeping.

I therefore headed to the kitchen and assembled the ingredients for a batch of beetroot chutney.  For some reason I wasn't enthused by the idea of making chutney, but the beets were sat in the bottom of the fridge and the thought of wasting them was anathema to me. I suppose I see a chutney not as food, but as a comestible only slightly more relevant to a plate of food than garnish.

Anyway, I sterilised the jars and spent a couple of hours knocking up about 3 lb, 8 oz of chutney. There was a spoonful left over, which 30% tested with her supper. She has declared it delicious in a cheese sandwich. I'll be leaving it a couple of weeks, before I make any assessment.

This evening I met up with Bubbles and Ben for a few hours fishing at Fladbury.  As we head towards Autumn, the weather has become chilly and by nine o'clock we were packing our tackle back in our cars. I think there may only be a couple more evening's fishing before we resort to the occasional day out through the colder months.

At least it's not carrots again!

The weather has turned unseasonably chilly and the heating kicked in this morning. The first time this Meteorological Autumn ... in other words it's still bloody Summer.

First job of the day was to pick the remainder of the beetroot. After washing them off, I picked a couple of pounds of similar sized roots and put them on to boil. These were then sliced and bottled in picking vinegar. I really hope they are tasty. I will be very disappointed if they aren't very good.

At least it's not carrots again!

In the afternoon I checked on the two hives and topped up the syrup feeders. Each of the colonies has taken in 2.25 litres of syrup since Sunday afternoon. They will either be eating it, using it to produce comb or storing it for the Winter months. Whichever use, it is encouraging that they are actively taking down syrup. In previous years I have had colonies just ignore feed, and that is an easy way to get a beekeeper worried.

I also spent some time in the veg patch with 30%, re-erecting the bean poles brought down by recent high winds. We had originally planned to take them down, but there are still plenty of young beans, so they can stay up for another week or two.

I also have a nagging feeling that I will be making beetroot chutney in the next day or two. I'm not overly keen on the stuff, but 30% is. She is also about to have her second cataract operation, so I'm guessing that it will be me that will be stood over a steaming pot of vinegar, spices and beetroot, while she recuperates.

Home Alone: Tomato Soup & The Orchard

30% was out for a good few hours in the middle of the day.  A village hall sub-committee meeting and a visit to the hairdressers had been scheduled. This meant that I was left to my own devices and I got busy.

In the morning I cooked up a double batch of tomato soup using the recent glut of tomatoes.  The recipe I use is loosely based on Delia Smith's Fresh Tomato Soup with Basil and Parmesan Croutons, but I have never bothered to add basil, or make croutons! I also can't be doing with vegetable stock when chicken stock tastes much better.

Here is my version, and apologies for the combination of AVPD and metric measurements ...

Ingredients:

• 1.4 kg (3 lbs) Fresh Ripe Tomatoes
• 1 pint of chicken stock
• 2 large onions finely chopped
• 2 fist sized potatoes, peeled and diced in to small cubes
• 3 tbsp of olive oil, if you can afford the stuff, have you seen the price recently? Sunflower or Rapeseed oils are fine. Please avoid generic vegetable oil *
• 4 or 5 cloves of garlic, peeled and crushed
• Salt and Black Pepper to season
• 200 ml of double cream

Method:

1. Pour the oil in to a heavy bottomed saucepan and place on a medium heat
2. Add the onion and potatoes and stir well. Continue to cook and stir over a medium heat for about fifteen minutes, until the vegetables have softened, but not browned. Do not short cut this step.
3. While the onion and potato are softening, roughly chop the tomatoes and make sure you don't loose their juice.
4. Add the tomatoes to the pot and cook for a few minutes
5. Add in the stock and garlic and then season to taste
6. Bring the contents to the boil, cover with a lid and simmer for 25 minutes
7. Remove from the heat, blend to a smooth consistency with a stick blender.
8. Stir in the cream

This recipe will make about three litres of soup and it will freeze really well.

The soup making occupied a good chunk of my morning and the afternoon saw me drag The Beast from the shed and head up to the orchard. 

I can report that this year's efforts with the brush cutters and lawn mower are bearing fruit and the orchard looks much better than it has in the preceding three years. Parts of it could definitely now be described as rough pasture rather than bomb site. The remaining parts are not yet at that pont, but the weeds are much reduced and the sparse growth of stinging nettles now peep above the grass rather than tower over my head.**

I spent a tiring couple of hours mowing and was delighted with the result. Each cut seems to require less effort and the nettle growth is greatly reduced. 

We will be having a chap in to dig out the ditches and install French drains in the next few weeks It is planned that he will use the soil to level out the remaining rough areas. I will then be able to sow some grass seed and look forward to a transformed space next year.

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* It will be Palm Oil and the palm oil plantations are horrific monocultures that take the place of Forests filled with orang-utans.

** This is not an exaggeration. Last year I was unable to attend to the orchard, due to a bad back. The nettles reached over 6' in height and covered 50% of the orchard.

Angus Young & the Spider

As I retired to bed last night I looked up at the ceiling and saw an enormous spider. Now I've seen some pretty large insects, including a Tarantula Hawk Wasp taking on a hand sized tarantula, but this one was colossal. I am certain it would win in a fight with a Mute Swan.

It was a fairly quiet day today. The morning was spent picking up supplies in Redditch and I am pretty sure that I saw Angus Young checking out the Back to School section in Tesco.

In the afternoon we were paid a visit by Dot and Buzzer and spent a pleasant couple of hours imbibing tea, eating cake and putting the world to rights.

My eyes are still dry and sore and I became very photosensitive as the day went on, so I limited my time outside the house. I did, however, take a quick look at the hive entrances and can report that pollen is being taken in by both colonies. This is a positive sign as pollen being brought in is indicative that brood are being raised ... ergo my queens are laying.

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The truth may have been slightly stretched here and there in this narrative.

And now the hard work begins

There was no time to bathe in the glow of yesterday's village show success, for today we had a mountain of produce to deal with.

Selecting near perfect, matched specimens for showing means that there is always a significant quantity of imperfect, unmatched specimens left over.  There is nothing wrong with these specimens other than slight defects in appearance. They have been tended over the past weeks and months with care and attention and there is no way that we would let quality produce go to waste.*

This morning we set to processing our harvest.

My first job was to prepare, blanch and open freeze the carrots.  I did a batch a couple of days ago and internet sources suggested that they should be blanched for three to five minutes. I followed this guidance, but have my doubts. I have a suspicion that this is way too long and will lead to soggy veg, so this morning I only blanched them for ninety seconds before chilling, drying and freezing.

With those out of the way, I pulled the beetroot from the fridge and put them on to boil. A pickling vinegar was prepared and by lunchtime I had a kilo of beetroot pickling in a jar. It'll be couple of weeks before we can sample it,  but I can't wait.

At this point I should mention that 30% was fully occupied picking and preparing beans and she also knocked up a rather good tomato soup.

The weather had cleared by the early afternoon, so I grabbed my smoker and headed up to the orchard to check on the bees.

The first colony inspected was nucleus #2. The one that was set up at the end of last week.  The young queen had been released from her cage, but there was so many bees that it was not possible to spot her on the combs. It was also difficult to see whether she had started laying yet, so I can not yet determine whether this has been successful. I transferred the frames and bees to a full sized brood box, added five frames of foundation and re-filled their feeder with syrup. Hopefully I will spot her, or young brood at next week's inspection.

The colony established from nucleus #1 was doing well. The queen was spotted easily and there was plenty of young brood. She has definitely settled in and started laying. Her attendant workers had also started to draw out the comb on the foundation in the brood box and some of it already held capped stores. Again I topped up the colony's feeder and hope the other colony looks like this in a week's time.

After inspecting the hives I headed back to the kitchen and made a batch of celeriac soup with the any other vegetable entry from yesterday's show. I can report that the soup was beautiful and that fresh celeriac has a much deeper aroma and flavour than those from the shop.

That pretty much sums up today's accomplishments, but there are still a lot of vegetables to be harvested. 30% and I are yet to agree on whether we will be pickling or making chutney from the rest of the beetroot.

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* The show entries get eaten too. They may have sat in the village hall for a few hours, but they're still fresher than anything on a supermarket shelf.

The Village Show

We woke to a drizzly, grey morning and, after a hasty breakfast, started our preparations for the village horticultural show.

30% set to baking a trio of cakes, as she would be a member of the team serving refreshments.  

I headed outside and started to pull carrots and lift beetroot in search of perfect specimens.  I then spent a good while sat at one of our water tanks, washing the roots before trimming their tops to the requisite 7.5 cm.  It was then a matter of sorting and comparing them to identify trios of closely matched roots.

By this time 30% had her cakes in the oven and was picking and selecting Tomatoes and French and Runner Beans. I moved on to cabbage, pumpkins and celeriac, before we assembled our produce and headed down to the village hall.

At this point I'll interrupt my narrative to mention that I do have a minor grievance with the Horticultural Society following an episode of rudeness that resulted in me resigning from my role as co-chair.* I therefore might have had a point** to prove at today's show.

Our entries were registered and displayed we headed home for lunch and left the Judges to ... well judge.

"In your face" Horti Club!

30% headed back to the hall well before me to perform her Tea Lady duties and shortly after her departure I received the above photo. It is fair to say that I was delighted that our Vegetable Collection in a Trug, Basket or Box had landed first prize.  Clearly the judges had recognised my abilities to produce an attractive and eye catching design.***

Overall we had a great day and landed three first prize cards, five seconds, three thirds and five Highly Commended awards.  We didn't achieve any silverware, but were placed in all of the Challenge categories.

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* I used to get paid quite handsomely to work with difficult, talentless and rude people. I am certainly not going to do it free, gratis in my retirement!

** That being, that I do know bit about growing and displaying vegetables, which are the key skills that the two arseholes on the committee lack.

*** Sarcasm!

Village Show - results

 Here's a summary of our performance at the Village show earlier today.

For reference all entries are made in 30%'s name for a couple of reasons. Firstly joint entries are not permitted and secondly there is a Challenge Cup for the most points scored by a female entrant. We stand more chance winning in this category than going up against "Fred" who wins the corresponding male category with ease every year.

First Prize

• Vegetable Collection in a Trug, Basket or Box
• Any Other Vegetable - Cabbage
• French Beans, 6 Pods

Second Prize

• 5 Plums, any variety - Damsons, bloom removed 
• 3 Carrots
• 3 Beetroot, any one round variety
• Longest Runner Bean
• Runner Beans, 6 pods

Third Prize

• 3 Carrots
• 3 Beetroot, any one round variety
• Runner Beans, 6 Pods

Highly Commended

• 5 Apples, any one cooking variety
• Any Other Vegetable - Celeriac
• A Specimen Succulent or Cactus
• Dish of Any Other Fruit - Figs
• 5 Plums, any variety - Damsons, bloom present

Silverware

• None this year, but
• 3rd in the most points earned in the fruit classes,
• 3rd in the most points earned in the vegetable class, and
• 2nd in the most points earned by a female competitor

Collecting and Gathering

A fairly short entry for today.

This morning 30% and I hitched the trailer to the Defender and headed beyond Powick* to collect the large hexagonal stone from the Architectural Antiques dealer.  Fortunately there was a chap on-hand to assist and we soon had it loaded on to the trailer and tied down securely.

Back at home it was a simple matter to tilt the trailer on its single axle and let the stone slide gently to the ground. In fact it took longer for us to decide where to stow it than to unload it on to a sack truck.

The main activity for the afternoon was to start preparations for the village horticultural show, which takes place tomorrow.

For the past two years 30% has been awarded the Challenge Cup for the most points awarded in the Fruit Classes.  We were hoping she could do the same again, so more than an hour was spent scouring our apple trees for sets of five perfectly matched cooking apples.  I now know why it is called a Challenge Cup because it was a bloody challenge to find perfect unblemished specimens. This year's weather has not been great for gardeners and our chosen fruit was nowhere near as impressive as previous years.

I just hope the judges are impressed by the bowl of figs and the beautiful damsons** that will be entered too.

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* There is a politically incorrect story about a member of my childhood scout troop (2nd Evesham & Bengeworth) that was nicknamed Powick. It's probably best if I leave it at that.

** Up until today I had always thought of damsons as terrible, sour little excuses for plums. However I finally realised that, for all that time,  I had been sampling them before they were ripe. The little beauties we picked today are packed with flavour and the perfect amount of sweetness.

Emergency Appointment

 My eyes have been incredibly uncomfortable after having the punctal plugs inserted on Monday. For the first couple of days I could actually feel the plug in my left eye when blinking. Fortunately that has now subsided but my eyes are very sore and itchy. It feels like someone has thrown the contents of a vacuum cleaner dust bag in my face.

I managed to get an emergency appointment at the eye clinic this afternoon and have been prescribed a course of steroids with a follow-up in a couple of weeks.

In other news, 30% returned from her trip to London and had a lovely time. I decided that fishing with painful inflamed eyes was not going to be fun, so we spent the evening together catching up on each others' news and planning our weekend.

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Post Script: 30% did eventually notice that I had installed the window bars on the garage, but only after I redirected her back to the spot where she had just collected the recycling bin ... She thinks they look fabulous.

Keeping busy

 My plan for this morning was to install more of the window bars, following on from yesterday's success.  Tools were gathered, measurements were taken and the first set of window bars was carefully lifted into position ... Fuck, that aint gonna work!

In short, the window bars have a decorative, central bar that features a section of wrought iron grape vine. Unfortunately that decorative feature winds around the bar and  makes contact with the window's central glazing bar. This means that some sort of modification will be needed to allow installation.  It looks like I am going to need to build spacers to bring the bars away from the window and buy some longer security screws.

It is starting to look like there is a modicum of truth in yesterday's prediction that I won't finish the job until 2038.

Mildly disappointed, I headed out to the veg patch and made a start on a slightly less impressive task.  I thinned out my carrot crop in preparation for blanching and freezing later in the day.  I was absolutely delighted with the carrots. Most of them are 8" - 10" in length and are lovely and straight. I must admit that I am tempted to put a bunch of them in the upcoming village horticultural show.

I hid the wonky one at the back!

Lunchtime saw the arrival of my most recent eBay purchase; a vintage Record spokeshave, and this set the agenda for the rest of the afternoon. 

A few years ago I acquired a rather nice, old draw hoe with a wide blade.  It is perfect for earthing up potatoes and such like. However, the only problem was that the handle had suffered the ravages of time and badly needed replacing.  I managed to find a suitable handle that flared out at the blade end,* but it would need a lot of work to get the hoe head to fit.

Most of the afternoon was spent shaving the handle down with my new/old tool and repeatedly trial fitting the head.  I thoroughly enjoyed myself and now have a lovely vintage, draw hoe that is likely to outlast me.

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* If you think about it, a hoe head needs to be fitted from the top end of the new handle, the end closest to the user, and be slid down the full length of the shaft down to the business end. The new handle should flare out at this end where the hoe head is seated.  If assembled in this fashion, each pull on the hoe, when in use, will further secure the hoe head against the flared end of the handle.  If you fit it the other way, it will come loose in use and will result in much swearing.

How long before she notices?

30% is spending a couple of days in London with one of her Frolleagues from her last job, so I have been left to my own devices at home.  Whilst she is taking in the delights of the capital I am left to enjoy my own company and attend to whatever task takes my fancy.

This morning I attended to an experiment that I set up back in July.  A bag of frozen celeriac was taken out of the freezer and the remainder of the ingredients for James Martin's cream of celeriac soup were assembled.  Forty minutes later I was blending in the cream and butter and can report that it is possible to successfully freeze celeriac.  I added it to the soup ingredients while still frozen and it worked brilliantly. I have my doubts about thawing it and roasting for example, but I declare my experiment a resounding success.

The only problem is that I have about twenty celeriac plants in the veg patch and am going to need a bigger freezer!

A lunchtime delivery by the DPD driver prompted my afternoon activity.*  There is a bit of a back story to this one, so please bear with me ... 

Our house has a large, subdivided outbuilding. The end furthest from the house is the garage then, working back towards the house, we have the garden store, the double carport, the workshop and finally the store room. Living out in the sticks security is a priority and on moving in we spent an absolute fortune on a set of nine keyed alike padlocks to secure these buildings.

We also commissioned a local metal fabricator to construct some window bars and these have sat leant against the wall in the carport since late 2021!

Well, today I finally got my shit together and installed the first of these window bars in the garage window. The previous owner had installed cobbled together an abomination comprising an undersized metal grill with half a dozen pieces of angle iron screwed in to fill in the gaps.  This complete fucking bodge of a job obviously irked me every time I looked at it, so I spent an hour or so fitting the new metal bars. They look really good, with a central wrought iron grape vine to slightly soften the look. On this occasion I used security screws rather than the easily removed pozidrive the previous owner thought suitable!

This was a job well done and, at this rate, I should get the remaining window bars installed by 2038!

Now to the title of today's Journal entry, the window bars have been installed right in front of the recycling bin and I am wondering how long it will take 30% to notice the difference?

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* Obviously this was once I had completed the mandatory two hour kip on the sofa