The Enfield looses a little weight.

This morning found me cruising the motorways on the South Western borders of Birmingham as I ferried my rear sub-frame and mudguard to Hitchcocks Motorcycles for examination.

I arrived just before nine o'clock and was received by a pleasant enough chap.  Unfortunately he wasn't dealing with my problem and advised that my contact was busy upstairs cataloguing crank cases and that it would be two to three hours before they would come to any conclusion. I have to say that this did not impress me at all and I pointed out that a) they don't open at a weekend*, b) I should be working and c) had spent a significant amount of money with them and felt that this fell short of the customer service I expected.

I was actually bloody furious that I was put second in line behind a pile of inanimate engine components and, having removed the subframe yesterday, was well aware that a decent mechanic could trial fit my parts in less than 30 minutes. I kept these thoughts to myself and headed home to start work.

Around midday the 'phone rang. It was Hitchcock's, who advised that my sub-frame was the right size but that my mudguard had needed to have it's curvature adjusted to make it fit their test bike. My parts were now ready for collection … It looks like I will now need to find a free hour tomorrow morning too.

My afternoon was taken up by a tedious three hour conference call and by the time I had finished I was desperate to actually achieve something. I settled alongside the Enfield and glared at the breather box assembly. I had been informed that this mechanism was not a standard Royal Enfield fitment and that it would be best if I removed it and blanked or re-routed the various breather pipes.

A happy hour was spent removing this bizarre little canister and I can report that the engine looks a lot less cluttered now it has gone.

Now you see it ...

… now you don't.

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* I find it incredible that a leisure industry business only opens Monday to Friday, nine 'til five when most of it's clientele are busy working.

Progress?

After several weeks, of what can only be described as faffing about, I finally managed to get pricing released for one of my projects. I think I may have finally worked out  how to keep our Pricer happy as she actually issued the price with a glowing commendation on the delivery of costs and solution information. She also cc'd my Boss.

So work is going reasonably well. I have managed to close off the first phase on one project and got a gold star in the process, but now we turn to the Enfield …

… The supplier of the rear sub-frame and mudguard have finally replied, advising that they can't replicate the fitting issue in their workshop and I now need to remove the sub-frame and mudguard from my bike and take them over to them for examination. They may only be twenty five miles away but they don't open at the weekend.

Fortunately I have a free hour early tomorrow morning but I'm not impressed and am possibly erring towards bloody annoyed.

Hello, I wasn't expecting you today

Fairly early this morning, as I was sat at my desk, the dogs started to bark and there was knocking at the door. I opened it and found Hayden on the doorstep. This was something of a surprise as he was not expected until late on Wednesday when a load of concrete was to be delivered for the wall footings … It transpired that there had been a cancellation at the Ready Mix company and the pour had been brought forward a day.

Now most Builders have a reputation for either being late or not turning up at all. Hayden, so far, is the complete antithesis with milestones being reached earlier than planned. His current forecast is that the majority of the wall should be built by Sunday.

There is not much else to report. The dogs were walked. I pulled together some thoughts on the scope and approach for a new project and I also had a chat with the company that provided the rear subframe and mudguard for the Enfield …

… something is definitely amiss and they are investigating in their workshop with an identical model.

In summary; pretty good customer service all round.

Some Dog Whisperer I turned out to be

In the middle of the day I found a free hour to complete circuit of the three Miler with the dogs.

We are trying to increase T&M's exercise regime to reduce their midriffs and a walk usually helps calm Whiffler down before attending puppy training. As I passed the half way point in the walk, Whiffler disappeared down a farm track. I called him back but got no response. As I reached the junction I could see him gambolling with a young Labrador and its mildly frustrated owner. I apologised, called Whiffler to heel and soon had a firm grasp on his collar. It was at this point that the owner advised that he had been trying to catch his dog for an hour and could not get hold of it … so at least I wasn't to blame for his frustration levels then!

I let the dogs play together in the hope of catching the Labrador but he was canny and wary of a hand reaching out towards him. I changed tactics, offered small treats and knelt in the middle of the road putting Tyson, Marauder and Whiffler back on their leads. Eventually the Lab succumbed to the pack instinct and came in close enough to take a treat from my hand. I grabbed his collar and he was soon back on the leash. I received a terse, possibly slightly embarrassed "Thank You very much" and I went on my way.

This was obviously a case of peaked too early as Whiffler was nothing short of a fucking nightmare at Puppy Training and the Instructor commented that he just didn't seem interested tonight. I had obviously used up my reserves of dog whispering mojo earlier in the day.

The construction of the ramparts between The Pile and the main road meandered forward and Hayden appeared to spend the day mostly pottering.  An order has been made for concrete, but that will not be poured until late on Wednesday, so there was only minimal preparation and lay out  activities that could be  progressed. We said farewell to the mini digger when it was collected this evening, as was the heap of earth that had affectionately been named; the Somme.  All we have now is our mini version of Stone Henge which still looks impressive laid out at the edge of the pavement.

Work was fine. I finally managed to get hold of our Pricer and I just have a few relatively straightforward actions to complete before I can get her busily applying margin or whether the hell it is she needs to do. My other projects are rumbling forward … in fact at a speed analogous to that expected when moving Trilithons  or other megalithic components. It would be nice if we could speed up, but, apparently, that is not the way things are done in these parts.

The Enfield project is progressing … I think! At present I am communicating with a very nice chap called Wayne about why my rear mudguard does not appear to fit. Thus far a couple of illustrated e-mails have been sent and I await definitive guidance on how to secure the front portion of the alloy mudguard.

This is very frustrating as I cannot fit and connect up the rear lights until this issue is resolved …Damn!

Elastictrickery

This morning I finally got around to connecting up the Enfield's battery and performing a test of the electrical systems.

I was reasonably confident about most of the components as I had labelled each side of every electrical connection during the strip down of the bike. Consequently when the loom was reattached I simply needed to ensure that component A was reattached to the connector labelled component A and so forth. However the rear light was a new part and it had arrived with no wiring instructions and featured one fewer wires than the Enfield's rear lighting loom.

Over the past week I had performed a number of circuit tests on the new light unit and was reasonably confident that I had worked out that a) I needed to create an earth wire and b) I had identified which of the wires was the brake light. This morning all I needed to do was create a simple temporary adapter that would allow me to connect the bike's loom to the new light unit.

It was a few minutes work to get everything linked up and I started working my way through the components. I have to report that everything worked and the only minor issue was easily fixed … I had managed to misconnect the front indicators so that it flashed right when signalling left. It was a matter of a few minutes work to rectify this. The test even included the starter motor and ignition circuits and a healthy spark was seen at the plug, once the side stand had been lifted to disable it's cut out switch.

It was a relief to know that the electrics are fine and the next significant task will be to permanently mount the rear mud guard and connect up the rear light and indicators … BUT, first I need some manufacturer support as the one of the frame mounting points does not align with the mudguard fixing point.

The electrical testing, kitchen tidying and provision print services for 30%* took up most of the morning. In the afternoon 30% and I took a wander around the Three Miler and then I returned to the Enfield. TP assisted and a replacement oil feed pipe has now been fitted. The decompressor cable has been correctly routed and adjusted and the brake pipe is now torqued up too.

As the afternoon waned laziness hit and a short snooze was taken on the sofa.

Damn, it's nearly Monday again.

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* only TP and I have managed to connect to the wireless printer and consequently a regularly on the receiving end of "can you print the document I've just mailed you" requests. She may have worked in telecoms for twenty five years but she is a complete technophobe.

Now we can book our holiday

As the light faded and Saturday evening was celebrated with a glass of wine it was fair to say that both 30% and I were absolutely exhausted.

It had been a busy day and I have to report that the front of the house is starting to look like a cross between Stonehenge and the battlefields of the Somme! Hayden has been here all day digging out the footings for the retaining wall. Yesterday's heap of earth was removed this morning and replaced with an even larger pile of earth and old bricks by the time they knocked off this evening. That pile sits alongside a jumble of foundations stones. These are truly colossal pieces of worked local stone and they have drawn astonished exclamations from passersby. The larger ones are more than a yard in length and 18" in square section. We are hoping that they will look superb when fashioned in to a raised bed at the front of the house.

While the ground works were progressing we went about our day. My first mission was a circuit of the Three Miler with the dogs. On my return I found time for a restorative cup of coffee before 30% and I hit the supermarket. The plan was to drop off some dry cleaning and pick up a few essentials but 30% made the mistake of leaving me in the wine section with the trolley and half a dozen bottles of wine ended up being added to our essentials.

Upon our return to The Pile, lunch was eaten and we then headed over to our Dog Carer of choice to have Whiffler vetted … We first employed Patti's services when we went to Sri Lanka last year. Both T&M had a fantastic time staying with her and we much prefer her approach of caring for dogs in her home rather than having them caged in kennels. However we now have Whiffler and Patti wanted to get the measure of him before committing to having all three of them bouncing around her house. We spent about an hour with Patti and she was soon charmed by Whiffler's juvenile antics. As it says in the title line; we can now book our Summer holiday.

Upon our return I was called outside for a site meeting. Hayden had encountered an enormous tree root in the path of the new wall. It belonged to one of the Yews in our garden and I was required to break out the chain saw to cut through it. This root was truly enormous, being close to the circumference of a man's waist.* The chainsaw made a decent job of cutting through it but the mini digger was still needed to break the final fibres and pull it from the ground.

By the time I was cleaned up and the chainsaw was tucked away it was a toss up between the Enfield's electrics and a glass of Shiraz and nibbles … The wine and dips won.

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* albeit a man somewhat slimmer than I

The working week draws to a close

Friday included one of my increasingly rare appearances at the local Depot …

… It should come as no surprise that I had expenses to submit and I also needed a haircut. The plan was for 30% and me to spend just the morning in the office and return home at lunch time. I used the time wisely and had managed to grab a few moments with our Pricer's Boss and found a way to deliver pricing for one of my projects without having to wait for production of a solution component. The aforementioned haircut was also completed and shortly after midday we were heading back to The Pile.

I had a relatively leisurely afternoon until my last call of the day at three o'clock. This was a discussion to seek agreement on the interfaces with change control processes on another of my projects. The call went well, although I personally felt it was forty minutes longer than it needed to be, and I ended the week on a high note. This project has been lingering for months if not years and in the past few months I have managed to define it and develop a set of process interfaces that will allow it to be costed, priced and proposed to the customer. This one is definitely going to be referenced in this year's appraisal.

After work 30% and I headed over to Littleton Auctions to preview the lots. We agreed that we will place a couple of commission bids but can find a more productive way to spend our Saturday morning than loitering in the Auction house with a mug of cheap coffee.

Busy, busy, busy

As Wednesday drew to a close I had already realised that Thursday was going to be a very busy day.

I had the minutes from a key meeting to draft and summarise. This was made more complex by the fact that the meeting was quite unstructured.  I would need to be quite creative in my interpretation of the narrative in order to develop a summary and set of actions that would allow our solution to be progressed.

I also had a meeting with a set of SMEs, who I need to engage, to develop a solution outline and high level estimates. They are being lead by an Architect who I can only describe as a complete fucking bitch and, at one point on the call, I came a hairs breadth from pointing out that her approach was erring very close to fucking rude!

In the background I was also trying to locate our Pricer who seemed to have dropped off the radar for most of this week … Her e-mail out of office indicated that she was just away for the morning but I was aware that she was caring for her partner, who was recuperating from an operation, and it became apparent that she wasn't working at all … This was bloody frustrating as I am starting to get harassed to deliver pricing and that aint gonna happen until her ladyship actually decides to pitch up and do some bloody work!

It was fair to say that I was knackered by the time I knocked off and the walk around the Three Miler lead to a hypo that drove me to semi-conciousness on the sofa for an hour after I returned home.

Don't misunderstand; I am quite enjoying work at the moment and feel that I am making great progress but today was busy and exhausting. One would therefore expect that no progress was made on the Enfield but I actually had a short session first thing this morning having woken early. The headlight was connected and fitted and the freshly charged battery was placed in it's holder.

I plan to test the electrical systems at the weekend and I am now just need to temporarily connect the rear light and indicators before I can check out my wiring.

The garden wall project is progressing nicely and Hayden has now managed to remove the old wall, separate out the foundation stones* and cut back the earth bank in preparation for marking out and digging footings. We are delighted with progress but I am not sure how the locals view it as the footpath is currently blocked by a 6' high pile of earth.

I can also report that my new helmet arrived this morning … impressive as it had only been ordered yesterday and doubly impressive as the Shark Evoline 3 is a neat bit of kit that converts from full face to open face at the touch of a button … it also comes in a colour that matches the Enfield!

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* for re-use as a retaining wall for a raised bed

Goodness, Wednesday already

Today started with another surprise appearance by Hayden; our young builder.

Continuing scaffolding issues at another of his jobs has meant that he has diverted his efforts to The Pile and his day was spent on further site clearance. By the time I popped out for a site inspection late this afternoon, he had demolished the original steps and cleared the approach to the front door for the wider flight that will bring visitors up to the house. He had also started to demolish the old garden wall and has dragged out several fine dressed stones from it's footings. These are some two to three feet in length and about a foot square in section. The plan is to re-use them as a retaining wall for a raised bed at the front of the house in place of the bramble filled patch that currently fills this space. The only minor problem is that they are incredibly heavy and Hayden is going to need a very strong labourer to help him position them.

On the work front the day went well and a couple of projects were nudged forward although nowhere near as fast as I would have liked. My Boss, a colleague and I also appear to have wandered in to a political minefield by proposing a solution that is not seen as the preferred way forward. The fact that it would shore up some failing infrastructure had been ignored by the naysayers but we managed to cross the first hurdle and I will now need to flatten out my fag packet and scrawl some rough numbers.

Late in the afternoon I took a call from my Boss who claimed to have good news. Wary of extreme sarcasm, I proceeded with caution and was delighted when he revealed this years bonus and pay award … I can report that the Builder will get paid and the helmet I ordered yesterday was not a rash purchase.

Away from work, the dogs got walked and I found time to complete another couple of minor jobs on the Enfield. The rear brake light switch has been fitted, the carburettor has been torqued up and the battery is now charged.

I can also report that my tool box now includes a set of Crows Foot spanners … no, I didn't know they were how you torqued up bolts that won't take a socket until a couple of days ago either!

Scratching around for material

As has probably become apparent, my workload has now increased and, as a consequence, there is often very little to report, as it is virtually impossible to summarise projects that are bound by commercial confidentiality … it would also be bloody challenging to make those reports, in any way, interesting.The net result of this situation is that I don't have a lot to say today.

I was asked, at very short notice, to attend a review of a colleague's solution cost model and soon found myself wading in, asking probing questions and making recommendations for commercial approaches and the management of our somewhat obstreperous Pricer. This critique was well received by my Boss* and I ended the day with an email awarding me a Gold Star for coaching … I also got a multi tabbed spreadsheet that I now have to review and recommend revisions for. **

Away from work; the dogs were walked and the Enfield's battery was attached to a trickle charger. My next major task is to test the electrical components and determine the best way to wire up the rear light and indicators … my comfort zone is now far behind me as I delve in to the mysteries of the Enfield's loom and shiny, replacement lighting.

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* I'm not so sure how my colleague took it, but he is progressing with my recommended course of actions
** This would seem to be a case of Swings & Roundabouts

I thought you were coming on Thursday … or was it Friday?

Today was going to be one of those days. I had plenty to keep me busy and yet another hurdle to be overcome, having been thrown across the path of one of my projects at the end of last week.

The working day actually started on a high.* I was required to attend a call with a team of billing specialists as a precursor to a call scheduled for later in the week. The call was an absolute breeze. We covered all of the material in half of the time allotted and they confirmed that they could now develop their deliverable. The icing on the cake was that there was no need for the follow-up call and I now have a gap in this Wednesday's schedule.

Whilst this call was progressing 30% wandered in to the study and demanded the keys to the garden gate … it appears that our Builder had been let down by Scaffolding Contractors on one of his other jobs and had the day free. The net result is that we ended up with an enormous skip on our drive and the steps leading to our front door were gradually dismantled during the morning.

The working day progressed and eventually I reached the hurdle. I needed to present an overview of the project to a team of anonymous technical experts and plead with them in order to get a solution component developed. The presentation went well and eventually the experts grudgingly allowed me to proceed to the next stage in the process … at this rate the customer will have gone off the idea before we can give them ROM pricing!

In the afternoon I managed to find an hour to take the dogs around the Three Miler with TP. The primary aim of this exercise was to take the edge off Whiffler before this evening's puppy training class but neither 30% nor I could be bothered to attend so I excused ourselves using the medium of an SMS text message.

Skipping puppy training gave me a couple of free hours so I trial fitted the rear mudguard and rear light to the Enfield. It looks marvellous but I will need to spend some time working out the best way to run the wiring loom in order to connect the rear lights and indicators back in to the electrical system.

That may take some time … and some faffing around with a multimeter and a twelve volt battery

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* absolutely bloody amazing for a Monday

Dad saves dinner

Today started with a drive over to a nearby village to collect TP, who had been out on the town with his mates. The minor flaw with my plan was that I had only ever dropped TP off in the general vicinity of his friend's house. I didn't know exactly which door to knock. Matters were made worse when the little sod wasn't answering his mobile phone,* leaving me sat by the curb with increasing levels of frustration.

I tried to Google the correct address but could not get internet connectivity, so I 'phoned 30% and asked her to search the web on my behalf … it appeared that TP's friends do not have a Directory Listing!  Eventually it dawned on me that TP's friend drove a Seat, possibly a red Seat, so I started to crawl around the estate in search of the vehicle. Eventually I came across a potential candidate and, as I drew up on the drive, I saw a dishevelled TP peer out from a window.

Five minutes later I was heading homeward with TP and another of his drinking buddies who lives close by to The Pile. I took a minor detour via the local feed store to collect chicken food and eventually we arrived back at home.

There was about an hour to go before lunch was served so TP and I headed out around the Three Miler with the dogs.

The afternoon was filled with a variety of jobs including the unloading of the car and a trip to Screwfix. Eventually I settled in front of the TV for an hour as I was knackered. As the afternoon waned I finally got myself in front of the Enfield with an iPad and a screw driver and worked out how to connect the throttle and choke cables to the new Amal carburettor.

Just as I was finishing I heard a plaintive call from the Kitchen. 30% had mistaken a boned breast of lamb for a leg, when routing through the freezer, and her dinner plans were in tatters. She had planned a roast and thawed out some casserole ingredients. I asked for 5 more minutes with the Enfield and asked her to make up a small portion of stuffing and find the kitchen string while she waited for me to finish off.

I then wandered in to the kitchen, spread the stuffing thinly over the inside of the lamb breast, rolled it and tied it up with three lengths of string. This evening we were to be dining on roast, stuffed, breast of lamb. About ninety minutes later I wandered out to carve and my creation looked pretty good. Ten minutes further down the line we were all sat at the table declaring this impromptu menu revision a complete success.

As it says in the title Dad saves dinner.

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* no mobile 'phone reception

Oops!

This morning I settled in to my eight, thirty call and listened to my colleagues and they reported the trials and tribulations of their latest projects. At some point during the call 30% popped her head around the door of the study and said farewell as she was off in to the office this morning …

… As I patently awaited my turn to give a verbal summary of this week's chaos the telephone rang. I knew my turn would not be for a while so I took the call … it appears that the Range Rover's computer is not to be believed as 30% had run out of diesel when the damned thing was claiming it had a range of 50 miles.

TP was dispatched to run 30% to the local garage for a can of fuel while I checked the manual and had a quick chat with a friendly mechanic to see whether the car's fuel system would need to be primed to get her back up and running. Fortunately the car started and 30% was able to continue her day with minimal inconvenience.

There is not much else to report. A reasonable quantity of work was done, the dogs were walked and funds were transferred to the Brickie, so he can go out and procure materials; hardly the most exciting of days.

I finally got around to topping up the Enfield's fork oil and a brake bleeding kit has been ordered. The new carburettor may well get installed this weekend.

One foot in front of the other

I finally got my act together and massaged a few more handfuls of cure mixture in to the soon-to-be-guanciale. Forgetting this activity for a couple of days doesn't appear to have had any adverse affect and by Sunday it should be hanging from a meat hook, wrapped in a little muslin jacket.

Work went quite well. There is nothing of any great import to report and, again, an hour was found, late in the day, to walk the dogs around the Three Miler…

…  We have noticed, of late, that T&M have put on a few pounds. This is a combination of being spayed, less frequent walks and access to Whiffler's high energy puppy food. Their recent visit to the groomers has shown they have a definite thickening around the middle and 30% has finally agreed that they should be put on a diet. Hopefully increased exercise, no treats* and a calorie controlled diet should have them back to their trim figures by the Summer.

The Enfield project creeps slowly forward but most of the jobs lack massive visual impact. The electrical earth has been connected to a bare point on the frame and tested. Fortunately I appear to have a satisfactory negative earth on both frame and engine. The final drive chain has been fitted, but will need the tension adjusted at some point and I also started the refurbishment of the battery cover lock. This tiny little component has had it's pitted and corroded chrome de-rusted, sanded and treated. A coat of black paint has been applied and it should look good once fitted in the side panel.

It is now just a case of trying to do something every day on the Enfield, no matter how small of insignificant the job may seem … eventually I will run out of things to do and then I can try to fire her up.

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* Tyson and Whiffler are partial to pieces of apple and these will continue to be offered. Marauder, however, much prefers biscuits and these are definitely off their approved food list.

I forgot it again today too

Todays big news is that our Brickie has contacted us to ask if a start date of 6th March was "OK with us". That is possibly one of the most redundant questions I have ever been asked. We have lived with an eyesore of a wall for more than ten years and to go from quotation to start date in under four weeks is bloody fantastic … We simply cannot wait for him to get started.*

The working day went quite well and I managed to overcome the latest hurdle on one of my projects. 30% and I also managed to find an hour to get out around the Three Miler with the dogs in the late afternoon.

On the bike front I totally failed to change the fork oil, but I did affix the transfer to the panel that conceals the battery and spent a few minutes admiring tinware rather than mechanicals for once.

I then had a "fuck it"moment when I realised that there was no way that an eBay purchased lock would attach this panel to the frame and that a replacement can only be purchased as part of a full lock set …

… it looks like I may have to work some magic with WD40, wet and dry and paint on the corroded original.

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* and it will be interesting to see how the locals respond to skips, excavation and a partially obscured footpath once work commences.

I forgot to rub cure in to the guanciale

Recently my weeks seem to be quiet at the start and busy at the end and today suggested that this week may well follow this trend.

It is fair to say that I was neither rushed nor overburdened today and actually found time to take a walk around the Three Miler with the dogs. The one call I did have was thirty minutes shorter than expected and I had to to little more than pay attention. My main accomplishment was the completion of a few mandated training courses which did a passable job of filling my afternoon.

Today's most significant event was puppy training, which went reasonably well apart from the solo exercise where Whiffler is supposed to sit, waiting patiently while I retreat up the Village Hall and only stirring when I call him to come back to me … He just does not get it! As soon as this exercise starts he just gets incredibly excited and wants to rush about the hall and see his class mates. The peculiar thing is that there is a similar exercise performed as a group which he does make a fairly reasonable job of.

I suppose we will just have to persevere and practise more at home.

Apparently we must have done something right as today we were awarded our Kennel Club Puppy Foundation Assessment. The cynic in me thinks that the passing criteria is attending more than six sessions without peeing on the floor* … 30% is perhaps more generous in her assessment of his progress.

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*Whiffler, not me

A lazy Sunday

I had considered walking the dogs on Sunday morning, but the rain had started before I had finished my breakfast so I redrew my plans. 

I wandered over to the Enfield and spent a few minutes fitting the front brake pipe before realisation dawned that I had a considerable quantity of pork in the fridge that needed my attention.*

The morning was therefore spent removing the cheeks from the head and starting a cure of guanciale. The trotters and other odds and ends were placed in the jam kettle with stock vegetables and seasoning and simmered for a few hours to give us a few litres of pork stock. By the time I had cleared up and also made up another batch of cure, so I would be able to finish the guanciale, it was time for lunch.

As pancakes had not been cooked on Shrove Tuesday, TP and I were recruited to prepare an American Brunch. TP made the batter and kept an eye on the rashers of bacon being grilled while I made a batch of short stack pancakes. It will come as no surprise that lunch was bacon, a short stack and maple syrup.

In the afternoon the rain continue to fall and I must admit that I retired to the embrace of the sofa where I snored for an hour or more. Upon waking I felt that I really ought to do something, so I settled in front of the Enfield and connected up the speedometer cable. I now need to re-fill the forks with oil before I can finish the connection and routing of cables through the casquette.

That means yet another parts order .. this time for copper washers.

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* Kathy H-R had phoned on Saturday to invite us to her birthday party and also to ask if we would like a pig's head and trotters. We said "yes" to both and a large plastic bag greeted us when we arrived home from our trip to Evesham yesterday.

I now own a kazoo

This morning 30% and I had a few errands to complete.

Our first stop was Alcester where 30% paid a visit to her long absent Audi. The damned thing has been in the workshop for a good couple of weeks, if not more, while they try to locate an electrical fault that results in a constant check engine light. They are progressing component by component and reassured 30% that the labour bill was not enormous … yet.

I, on the other hand, went next door to the Motorcycle dealer from whom I purchased the Shitter. I needed a new brake light switch and wandered in on the off-chance that they might have one kicking around. The Proprietor was keen to hear how I was getting on and actually provided me with a switch spring free of charge. I wandered out a happy man.

We then headed down the road and popped in to the meat wholesaler and Builder's Merchants; a product catalogue and a few choice cuts were chucked in the back of the car.

Our next stop was Evesham where I was treated to a tour of Lidl before we visited the Picture Framers to collect a print of some ratting terriers and the cleaned C18 painting of a Hunter. The oil painting has cleaned up beautifully and we now face quite a difficult decision … do we restore further or frame as is.   We now have  the name of a local picture restorer and probably need to take it to him for an assessment and advice.

These errands consumed the morning and it was time for lunch upon our return. 30% and I then headed out around the Three Miler with Tyson, Marauder and Whiffler. We had a lovely, if muddy, walk and an obligatory dog washing session was completed upon our return to The Pile.

A fairly lazy afternoon followed. although I managed to recruit some assistance from 30% and finally assembled the Enfield's rear brake lever mechanism. This is a complicated assembly of rods, spindles, levers, bushes and pedals due to the fact that this model is at the point where Enfield realised that market share might improve if they went with the gear change on the left and the brake on the right like every other new motorcycle on the planet.  Consequently this convoluted mechanism is required to connect a pedal on the right with a brake drum on the left hand side of the rear wheel.

Dinner was taken very early this evening as 30% and I were out for one of her Christmas gifts. I had managed to acquire front row seats for a performance of the I'm sorry I haven't a clue tour at Cheltenham, so by half past six we were thundering down the motorway towards this Gloucestershire Spa town.

I have driven past the racecourse many times before but this was the first time I had ever visited it. As a venue for a comedy performance it can be summed up as follows; The auditorium is perfectly adequate but it is connected to a complete and utter cluster fuck of a foyer. It was badly laid out with refreshments stalls squeezed either side of the entrance to the toilets. This created a chaotic jumble of people who were trying to offload or take on fluids. Basically the Organisers didn't seem to have put any thought in to crowd management which surprised us in view of the thousands that visit during Gold Cup Week.

My mutterings about the foyer were soon put aside as we took our seats and settled to watch Messrs Dee, Sell, Garden, Cryer, Hardy and Brooke-Taylor perform their ridiculous antics. It was a brilliant evening filled with laugh out loud moments including one where Tim Brooke-Taylor was twerking at me …

… You probably had to be there.

Sometimes I wonder about my son

Today TP and I were in the kitchen and he was grazing. After checking the fruit bowl for grapes, he scanned the shelves for cashews or pistachios before selecting a storage jar of shelled peanuts.

"Dad, what sort of nuts are these?" he asked. I pointed out that these were the nuts 30% put out for the birds and he looked at me with an expression that suggested he thought I was taking the piss.*

He opened the jar and tipped a few nuts in to his hand and laughed as I repeated that he was about to eat bird food. I called to 30%, who was in the lounge, and it was only when her dulcet tones** reached us and confirmed my statement that TP returned the peanuts to the jar.

Apparently he has been snacking on them for the past few days and a blackbirds, three starlings and a robin are preparing their case for retributions.

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* I do so frequently … I see it as preparation for when I release him back in to the wild.
** Think fishwife!

Hmmm! I seem to be working for a living

There is not a lot to see here as I was head down all day.

When I say all day, what I actually mean is that I was head down until about half past three. By this time I had run out of steam* and spent the remainder of the working day listing and planning what I needed to complete tomorrow.

30% was out this evening at the wedding reception of a frolleague. I was invited, but had more sense than to schlep miles in the rain, on a school night, to spend a few hours with my work mates.** 30% had Jules for company so I stayed at home and prepared a supper of Haggis and Mash for TP and me.

I suppose I should provide a status report on the Enfield too. Nothing major has been competed over the past week but the odd job has been attended to when I have had a few minutes spare. The right handlebar grip, switches and clutch lever re all now fixed in place and the bulk of the wiring loom has now been reconnected, including the front indicators. I now have the correct parts for the rear brake assembly and a trial fit this evening showed that the brake rod will need some tweaking … and possibly brute force … to get it all back together.

The weekend is fast approaching so perhaps it will get done then. I am also conscious that March is almost here and I would love to have her back on the road by the Spring.

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* I learnt many years ago that I am a morning person. The hours from seven until noon are when I am at my most productive and that is when I try to schedule my more complicated or arduous work. Don't get me wrong; I will shovel shit at any time, but it just seems that bit easier before the sun reaches it's zenith.
** Attempting to stab "nibbles" from a paper plate with a plastic fork whilst holding single glass of wine … I don't think so

Picture Post

After slacking off yesterday afternoon,  I was definitely back in the saddle and was head down all day.

As a consequence there is very little to report, other than the fact that we have accepted our Builder's quotation and will soon be choosing bricks, coping stones and paving.

I am now definitely back in the swing of things and am actually enjoying having plenty of work such that the end of the working day is suddenly there, rather than waiting for it to crawl up to meet me.

While working today I looked at my calendar and realised that it is only six weeks until our first holiday of 2015.  We have a week booked in a cottage at Pwll Du on The Gower and, with that in mind, I thought I would add a splash of colour to the Journal and publish a couple of photographs that were taken there in April 2013.

Towards Three Cliffs Bay, April 2013

Who is feeding that bloody squirrel apricots?

Out to lunch

Back in December last year I received an abusive Christmas Card from Grandad Jack. I did what was expected of me and promptly called him and abused him back …

… the upshot of this exchange of insults was that we agreed to meet up for lunch as soon as he, and the current Mrs Hawkins, returned from their Winter Cruise of the Atlantic and Caribbean.

Well, that nautical adventure had obviously been concluded as Grandad Jack called last Saturday and today was earmarked for "lunch".

We had a lovely time catching up on each others news over a bite to eat at one of the local pubs. It was a bloody good job that I had a quiet afternoon as, even though I showed restraint and only had two small glasses of red, I was not particularly productive this afternoon.

Future outings were loosely discussed, including one with Judge Dread if he can be coaxed up from the South Coast.

A busy start to the week

Little of any significance happened on Sunday and it is a matter of a sentence or two to summarise it's passing ...

… The dogs were walked in the morning and the afternoon saw a trip in to Redditch to visit Stevie and the Elf in their new home. The Redditch trip involved a minor detour to the supermarket and  we discovered the joys of their car wash while you shop service. For the princely sum of ten English Pounds my memory has been jogged and I can now report that the Range Rover is, in fact, silver rather than shite brown! The only other thing of any great importance was a rather lengthy snooze on the sofa before dinner.

Today I was up bright and early and I hit the laptop very soon after seven. I cleared down my in-box and planned the day's varied activities and deliverables. I also checked my diary and ensured that the first half of the morning was free. The reason for this frenzy of activity was that I wanted to head over to Hitchcocks Motorcycles to sort out a few braking components that were slowing progress on the Enfield … that is an interesting concept; a lack of braking components slowing progress?

Fortunately the cosmic tumblers once again clicked in to place and I found myself wandering in to Hitchcocks' showroom shortly after nine o'clock. The issue with the rear brake spindle shaft was soon resolved, a few other items were added to my box of goodies and I was soon heading home … Unfortunately I managed to get caught in a huge jam resulting from an accident and I arrived home nearly an hour later than I had planned.

Fortunately my absence had not been noticed and I settled to what turned out to be a very productive day. Requirements were clarified and documented, a meeting was attended and minuted, my appraisal form was signed and returned to my Boss and a rather complex process was followed to request the development of a solution element. By the time I finished my day I was rather impressed by my productivity, if I say so myself.

This evening saw the weekly trip to puppy training and Whiffler's performance was marginally improved although I have the feeling that I may well be tempting fate by saying so. He is still far more interested in the rest of the class than me and it is only chunks of cheddar that manage to persuade him to perform the exercises. A packed class meant that the hour passed quickly and it seemed that we were soon on our way back home.

The only other news was that the Builder's quote has arrived and is more than we had hoped but less than expected so we are likely to be engaging his services in the next day or so.

Putting on the brakes

This morning was taken up with a trip in to Alcester and included a wander around the supermarket, the discovery of a rather nice Gentlemen's outfitter, and the purchase of a number of stuffed toys to entertain Whiffler. We also checked out a rather fine, but grubby, antique bed frame at one of the Antique shops as we have a loose plan to turn the Purple Bedroom in to, well, a bedroom. The frame was lovely but there was some damage to one of the legs and it was impossible to see the extent or whether repair was feasible …no sale.

In the afternoon I finally settled down with the Enfield and did my best to avoid fitting the loom. I planned to install the front brake lever and brake master cylinder but soon discovered a problem. The master cylinder needed to be drained … One of the cover's screws was removed without a problem, but the second was an absolute pig and appeared to have been manufactured from the cheapest steel on the planet. The head was soon knackered so it was time to get Medieval on it.

I cut a new slot in the screw head with a mini grinding disk but it still failed to budge. At this point I checked out a replacement part and learned that the failure of a twenty pence component had the potential to cost me more than one hundred and thirty quid for a replacement master cylinder. I finally overcame this obstacle by carefully drilling out the head of the screw with my pillar drill.* It finally came free and I was rewarded with a dousing in very manky brake fluid.

After cleaning everything up I could progress no further as a replacement screw would need to be purchased along with a new diaphragm, so the front brake reassembly was put on hold. I then settled to the rear brake assembly.

I had trial fitted a number of the major components of this sub-assembly so was reasonably confident that it would go back together. However, as soon as I attempted to screw in the grease nipples I realised that something wasn't right. After a thorough inspection it was apparent that I had either been sent the wrong part or that the machining of the part had not been completed. Either way this activity was going no further and a trip to Hitchcocks needed to be planned for next week. Arse!

This left me with no option but to wrestle with the grubby spaghetti of the Enfield's loom. I decided to break myself in gently by separating and installing the coil as a first task. Then I suddenly found my auto electrical mojo and it all started coming together. My library of photographs taken during the disassembly was an absolute boon and I soon had the main loom elements loosely attached to the frame.

By the time I finished for the day I had got most of the loom laid out in it's original position and a good few of it's connectors had been reconnected to their partners. There is still much to be done and I am sure that several sessions with a multi meter will follow in the next few days or weeks.

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*The shaft of the machine screw was removed with the aid of mole grips

Here endeth the working week

Friday's big news was that Whiffler was dispatched to the Grooming Salon and returned looking a much leaner beast. 30% may prefer him fluffy but he now looks, most definitely, like a poodle and she is not going to have explain that he is neither a Labradoodle nor a Golden Doodle to people she encounters.

On the home front I finally managed to get hold of a set of pdf files for our building work after a number of glitches which can mostly be put down to the fact that iOS and Microsoft Outlook just don't work properly together. Christ knows why attachments are either stripped out or converted to an unreadable format, but I eventually found out how to get hold of them and sent them over to our prospective Builder. Hopefully a quote will follow in the next few days.

On the work front my day was quiet but today was 30%'s first day back at work since 9th December and it is fair to say that she was shattered by the experience.* She is on a phased return to work** so is only working a few hours a day for the first week but the social contact after weeks at home really took it out of her.

We had planned to go out for a bite to eat at the Oak but when she was wandering around in her pyjamas at five o'clock I realised that we were going to be eating in. A fire was lit and I offered to head up to the Chinese Takeaway but then promptly fell asleep on the sofa and woke to a pasta bake.

Here endeth the working week.

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*  Lord knows how the poor sods in the office dealt with it after two months of peace and quiet. I did try to warn them!
** I'm still unsure whether this is for her welfare or to allow her colleagues to slowly get used to having her back in the office creating Merry Hell.

Phew!

I was up even earlier today as I needed to be in the Office bright and early.

It was going to be a long day as my Boss was up from darn sarf and a curry was planned for this evening. The morning was spent in a meeting with a colleague and a fun couple of hours were spent reviewing a set of process diagrams and outlining the necessary tweaks so they stood a chance of working if ever implemented.

We were finished by lunchtime and my afternoon now had a purpose as all of the diagrams would need to be redrawn. At this point I should mention that my Boss's visit to these faraway lands was multipurpose. He had a series of meetings and telepresence calls to attend, the aforementioned curry and my end of year appraisal meeting. It was this latter appointment that was foremost in my mind. There was no appointment in my diary just a casual statement from the boss that we should link up at some point in the afternoon for my end of year.

It was fair to say that I was feeling quite apprehensive about this meeting. From my perspective the first half of the year had gone reasonably well but the second half had not been great at all. I had worked a monstrous RFP that was a complete and utter clusterfuck* and this was followed by three months where my activities are best described by the term scratching around for something to do. I quite like working, or perhaps more accurately, I quite like being employed as I have a family, three large dogs, a mortgage and collection of motorcycles and a regular income ensures that this list doesn't get any shorter. I therefore need to do well in at work so that I can afford to live.**

The afternoon waned and my Boss was conspicuous by his absence. Eventually he appeared at half past five and asked if I had time now for a chat. We wandered in to a nearby vacant office, sat down and he beamed at me … it was fair to say that the appraisal was effusive and very complimentary. I was awarded an exceed rating and told that the future looked rosy***. It is fair to say that I was incredibly relieved after what I had viewed as an average year at best.

It was then time for an early dinner so we wandered out, linked up with a few colleagues and spent a pleasant couple of hours in a nearby curry house.

As days go, this one went far better than expected.

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* not one of my making ... the entire project was badly managed and approached by both The Neat & Tidy Piano Movers and the prospective client. Actually I was brilliant.
** I definitely fall in to the work to live section of the population. The other sections appear to be live to work (the sad and dull) or claim benefits to live (the work shy)
*** Pay rises and bonuses were mentioned … perhaps I am a shit for mentioning it, but it is still amazing after the appalling treatment I received at Dante's Nine Circles of Hell from remuneration perspective. They were, and still are, oppressive bastards that instil fear in to their employees in order to make them grateful they still have a job and willing to accept erosion of an immobile salary by inflation.

Work and play

I was up this morning quite a bit earlier than I have had to for a while.

The reason for this was that 30% had booked the dogs in at the Groomers and today Tyson and Marauder* needed to be dropped off at 8.30 sharp … I duly arrived at the allotted hour and handed over the leads to the Groomer. She took one look at them followed by a quick feel of their coats and advised that there was no way that they could be bathed and brushed.** Their coats were too matted after a couple of months of muddy lanes and frequent washes without subsequent brushing. They were going to need to be clipped very short.

I agreed to this course of action and left them with her. The only problem is that Whiffler's coat is even longer and 30% absolutely adores him in his current fluffy state. She was mortified when she learnt that he is likely to come home on Friday a lot less hairy.

My working day was spent developing an information pack for one of my projects. I will need to engage a team to provide a solution element and hopefully this pack along with a set of process diagrams will tell them enough to deliver the goods. Knocking up this pack and an assortment of calls filled the day and five o'clock soon arrived. I stood up from my desk and wandered out to survey the Enfield.

With the front end reattached I was able to re-insert the ammeter and speedometer in the casquette. Once that was completed I headed out to the garage and retrieved the clutch lever, left hand switch assembly and decompressor cable. The next hour was spent attaching these to the bars and connecting up the two cables.

At this rate the loom and rear brake will get installed over the weekend.

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* Whiffler will be done on Friday as they are unable to groom all three on the same day … it just takes too long.
** as arranged and requested by 30%

It should steer now

At the end of today I can report that much reassembly took place and the Enfield now looks pretty similar to how it did on 25th January.  TP provided the necessary assistance to lift the bike from it's supporting blocks and the steering now turns beautifully with none of the notchy feeling that was apparent the last time I reached this point.

It will need to be lifted back up on to the blocks for another few days, as it will be far easier to continue the reassembly with the bike in an upright position than canted over, as it is when supported by the side stand. The next activities are likely to be assembling the rear brake mechanism and reinstalling the loom but those are the first of a very long list of things that are yet to be completed.

I am guessing that there will be pressure to relocate it back to the garage now it is able to stand on it's own and that the weather will soon be improving.

Who fiddled with the thermostat?

I seem to have started the week with a surge of productivity. After initial reluctance to get going this morning, I settled with a plain sheet of paper and started to draft out a process diagram based on some notes I took a couple of weeks ago. By the time the working day had ended I had drafted another three processes to complete the set and had minuted a call for my Boss.

During the day it became apparent that we have some form of unknown presence that delights in turning the thermostat down. 30% claims she has nothing to do with this but, I put it to you m'Lud, would you trust the word of a woman, of a certain age when sudden hot flushes are common place?

As a result of this action I was bloody freezing today and, after resetting the thermostat to a more civilised 20 degrees C, I also lit a fire in the study and shut the door. I am guessing that I will need to set up camera traps to identify the mysterious being that is turning the bloody heating down. I am currently offering the following odds on what these traps will capture:-

500/1        A stranded Andorian*
1000/1      TP **
800/1        Tyson, Marauder or Whiffler ***
75/1            a Poltergeist
50/1           a crazed, nut job environmentalist that thinks
                    20 degrees C is killing the planet
1/2             30%

On a slightly saner plane, the postman delivered my water pump grease this morning, so I was able to spend a happy hour packing the Enfield's headstock bearings with grease and reassembling the bike's triple tree.

Further re-assembly was not possible as it was puppy training this evening so 30% and I took Whiffler to arse about with his mates! There are moments of obedience but they are very brief. He just wants to play with all of his classmates … talk about the very definition of frustration.

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* one for the Trekkies
** Quote: " do I know where the what-a-stat is?"
*** They like it toasty

This year's big project

The main event of the morning was a visit from a builder to discuss our plans for a retaining wall and remodelled steps up to the front door. He arrived on time, didn't seem phased by our requirements, seemed to ask the right questions and left with a request for an electronic copy of the plans and a semi-commitment to get something over to us towards the end of the week.

Our first impression was that he was very young but had a maturity beyond his years. I became aware of him when he did some similar work at a house down in the village so we already know that he is reliable and capable. I guess we just need to see what his quote looks like.

I used what was left of the morning to get a few coats of paint on the gaiter clips that I de-rusted and primed yesterday. Lunch followed and then I headed out around the Three Miler with the dogs.

Upon my return I settled with the Enfield's left fork leg in my lap and a Dremel in my right hand …

… When I bought these nearly new forks I was advised that there was an issue with the brake caliper mount and that some tweaking might be necessary. The recent assembly of the bike's front end showed that the inner face of the caliper did indeed sit too close to the brake disk and as a result the mounting lugs on the fork leg need to be ground back a couple of millimetres. 

I was fortunate that I was able to use my other Enfield as reference material and spent a good few minutes examining it's brake set up before I attacked the caliper mounting lugs with a mini grinding wheel. The job seemed to go well and the Dremel was perfect for grinding, sanding and polishing the aluminium fork slider. I may have another go at the mounts before final assembly to give a little more disk/caliper clearance but I was quite pleased with the way this job went.

That wraps up the main events off the day. A fire was lit, dinner was eaten and we settled in front of the TV for the evening.

Not much happened

Saturday was a fairly quiet day.

Most of the morning was taken up with a trip over to Stratford. 30% hit the supermarket and I headed off across the retail park to pick up a couple of cans of paint. By the time we had finished and were back at home it was time for lunch.

In the early afternoon it was time for some painting …

… Most of the heavily corroded Enfield components had been replaced but there are two spring clips* on the forks for which I cannot find a suitable replacement. I previously ordered replacement parts but they look nothing like the originals and just don't fit. Consequently early this morning I sanded them to bare metal, degreased them and applied a coat of rust treatment.

By early afternoon the rust treatment had dried and a few coats of rattle can primer was applied to these slim bands of metal. Previously I have hand painted de-rusted components but these would have been impossible to hold and paint so have been suspended on cotton thread and sprayed in a makeshift spray booth. The primer looks acceptable and all being well the colour coat will be applied tomorrow.

I then persuaded 30% to accompany me on a walk and we headed out for a shortened version of the Three Miler. On our return to the house a fire was lit and I did very little else for the rest of the day.

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* They clamp the gaiters to the fork sliders

For once ...

… the cosmic tumblers all click in to place.

Our garden wall is in a horrendous state. It dates back a hundred years, if not more, and acts as a retaining wall for our garden, which is four feet above the level of the road.

When we bought The Pile we were aware that it was in a dreadful state. It leant over at quite an angle and in places it had collapsed. The inside of the house had been similarly neglected and that is where we have been concentrating our efforts since we bought the place back in 2004. Recently, however, we have been making steps to replace the wall and have had plans drawn up and completed the necessary consultations with the local planning department and the Council Tree Officer.

A couple of days ago the Tree Officer dropped us a line to let us know that she is happy with our proposals and we are good to go. So this morning I finally got around to ringing a brick layer … I left him a message, asking him if he would like to contact us about providing a quote.

I then wandered in to the kitchen and looked out to see a Highways Department lorry and a number of workers in Hi-Vis jackets loitering outside The Pile. This piqued my curiosity so I headed out to ask what they were up to. A very pleasant workman advised that they were going to cut back all of the ivy that over runs our tumble-down wall and cut back the verges so that the footpath is restored to it's original width. I made sure he was aware the the Yew Trees had preservation orders, which he did, and then I went back inside leaving them to it.

About an hour later they departed with a huge quantity of soil and vegetation and I wandered out to survey the results. I couldn't believe it. The local authority had come out and performed the preliminary site clearance for our wall project without being asked and at no charge … Result!

The icing on the cake was when the Brickie rang later in the evening and we arranged for him to come out and have a look at the job on Sunday morning. He will now be able to see exactly what needs to be done and we are certain that £500 pounds of work has already been done by the Council.

If I was a horse they would have shot me years ago.

After 2014's multiple trips to Birmingham to have a dental implant, I am now in the safe hands of my NHS Dentist for the routine dental care that involves check-ups, scale and polish, fillings etc.

Today I was back in her chair for the second time in the space of a week. At my last check up she noticed a cavity and today I had it filled. Normally that would be it, I would now be free to munch on whatever I liked and just pop back in six months time for another inspection, however that is not the future for this particular tooth. The filling is only a temporary solution and the Dentist wants to see me again in three months time. IF the filling has been effective at removing the decay then the Dentist plans to remove the filling and replace it with a crown.

At this rate, with so much porcelain in my mouth, I'll be seeing Henry Sandon in future instead of Mrs Pilay!

Apparently water pump grease is best.

I made an early start on Wednesday so that I could take a short break at nine to drop my bearing races and cups off at Redditch Motorcycles.  The professional opinion was that the machining made them a very tight fit and that a press would need to be used to insert the the bearing races in to the cups that hold them in the frame's neck tube. I left them there and headed home to resume work.

My day went well and I even found a free hour to take the dogs around the Three Miler. I would have brought them home clean but half way around Whiffler found an open ditch and decided to run along 50 yards of it's length … mucky little sod!

By four thirty I had achieved my main objectives which included a modicum of shit stirring on a project where our team were engaged, then ignored. Our collective view is that some Empire Building has got entirely out of hand and it is time to get some management focus on a Programme that appears to be reliant on a bunch of overpaid Contractors with no proven ability to develop anything more complex that a PowerPoint presentation.

As I said, by four thirty I was just about done so headed back down the road to pick up my bearing races. Chris had obviously had a busy day and hadn't got around to pressing them in, so I spent twenty minutes chatting while he sorted them all out. He was also very helpful in suggesting an appropriate grease for the roller bearings and that I should use a threaded bar and metal plates as a primitive press to install the bearing cups/races.

I headed home with this new knowledge and eventually* settled in front of the Enfield's neck tube … Christ it was a pig of a job! I recalled Chris' comments about the machining and, in desperation, ran a mini sanding drum around the bearing cups. That mild abrasion was enough to allow them to be pressed in to the neck tube rather than skewing as they had tended to do before.  They were still bloody tight but they are now in and I hope they never need changing again.

I just need the grease and then I can start putting the damned thing back together again.

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* A hypo and an associated recuperative snooze delayed progress by an hour or more

Head down

Working for a living certainly makes the day go faster and today positively sped by.

At the moment there are political issues in my area of work and, as a result, we do not have access to Operational Architects. It will therefore come as no surprise that I have had to take on this mantle too* in an attempt to progress one of my projects. Over the past few days I have attempted to design an appropriate model and today I passed it out for a peer review … It was well received, so the next step will be to get the project team to review and, hopefully, sign up to it.

The remainder of the day was filled with calls, minutes and actions and it was soon time to knock off.  The evening was spent puzzling over, and fiddling with, a set of taper roller head bearings for the Enfield. It soon became apparent that I would need a professional with access to a press to insert the bearing races in to the sleeves … It looks like I will be nipping down to Redditch Motorcycles in the morning and I hope I haven't terminally jammed the race in the sleeve … oops!

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* In this particular project I have been the Requirements Architect, the Project Manager in additional to my primary role as Solution Integrator. I had better watch out as the lavatory cleaner is looking a bit peaky today!

Work 'n play

After many weeks of very light duties it has taken me a while to get back in the saddle with regard to managing a reasonable workload but, after today's performance, I think I am just about there.

The bulk of the morning was spent performing the electronic equivalent of doodling as I started to sketch out an Operational Model for one of my projects. The afternoon was mostly taken up with calls and I was even diligent enough to draft and issue a set of minutes before I knocked off and took Whiffler to puppy training.

Puppy Training! … How can I describe puppy training?

On the plus side; at least he was slightly more focused than last week and, to be fair, he did reasonably well at the exercises where he was required to sit or lie down while I stepped away from him. He had never done either of these before and sort of understood what was required of him.

However it is so hard to hold his attention and he just so wants to bugger off down the room and play with the other pups. I have a faint recollection of Tyson and Marauder being a nightmare for the first few weeks and can only hope that he eventually gets it and settles down at school.

Comment of the evening came from Brenda; the class leader; "I thought poodles were supposed to be intelligent" followed closely by "He isn't anything like your other two".

The sooner I start the sooner I get it sorted ...

It is likely to come as no surprise that Sunday morning was spent dismantling the front end of the Enfield.

I made an early start on ancillary components like indicators, handlebars and gauges but there was then an interlude while I waited for TP to emerge from his pit, break his fast and decide on Sunday's outfit. He eventually appeared fully dressed mid-morning and we soon had the bike back up on blocks. Shortly thereafter we had the front wheel out, the forks removed and the casquette and steering stem were lying on the floor. TP received an honorary discharge for services rendered and I headed out to the garage to retrieve a hammer and a selection of drifts. It was then a few moments work to removed the bearings and drive the bearing races from the frame, steering stem and casquette.

By the time I had finished it was lunch time and afterwards I headed around the Three Miler with the dogs. After yesterday's wet snow I was expecting it to be vile but the roads and verges had dried considerably in the cold weather and when we returned none of the dogs needed bathing … I was bloody amazed and I am sure that 30% thought we had just spent the past hour sat in the pub.

In an attempt to convincer her that I had actually completed a walk, I settled on the sofa in front of the fire and snored for the next ninety minutes.

As the afternoon drifted in to the evening I wandered back to the corpse of the Enfield and considered my options. I could do sweet Fanny Adams to the front of the bike until new bearings* arrive alter in the week. I therefore grabbed a box of parts from my stash and started to dry fit the rear brake pedal components …

… that should keep me busy for a while.

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* and a new ammeter … I knackered it dismantling the front end this morning

Swings and Roundabouts

There wasn't a huge amount to report for Friday. It was really just a case of head down, clear the work that accumulated from Thursday, write and submit a report and prepare for next week. It isn't very exciting here on the page and it was little better in real life.

The preceding pair of sentences are more than adequate to describe the 30th and I will now leap forward to Saturday.  We didn't plan to have a particularly busy day but we did want to head over to Evesham in the afternoon so my primary objective in the morning was to get the dog's walked.

We had had a light covering of wet snow overnight so the walk around the Three Miler was almost attractive as the filthy lanes were obscured by a rapidly melting half inch of snow. Needless to say the dogs got soaked and needed a good towelling down, on our return, before being confined to the Hall until they had dried off properly.

In the afternoon 30% and I headed over to Evesham to complete a few errands. Our first stop was at the Picture Framers where we dropped off a C19 engraving of some terriers that we picked up at an auction earlier in the month. We also took along the C18 painting of the Hunter just to see if there was anything that could be done with it.

I had previously contacted a local picture restorer about this old and filthy equine canvas, but his initial estimate for cleaning and restoration had been exorbitant and neither 30% nor I were willing to proceed without some idea of both the quality and value of the painting. It is all very well shelling out a small fortune to clean a Stubbs but we don't even know if this damned thing has a signature.

The framer advised that he knew a chap that might be able to restore it but suggested cleaning a small portion to see what it looked like. He scurried off in to his back room and returned with a wad of cotton wool and a bottle of clear liquid. He trial cleaned a small section along the edge of the canvas and, though it wasn't exactly a moment of revelation, it was apparent that the grime could be removed and we would be able to get a better idea of what we had. He advised that he would charge twenty pounds to give the canvas a clean so we left it with him. I must admit that I am quite excited to see his results in a couple of weeks time.

After leaving the framers we headed over to Bond & Moneypenny's to deliver a barely used Superdry jacket and then on to Stevie and the Elf's to drop off bubble-wrap … The first visit was to keep Bond jnr warm this winter and the second was to furnish S&E with packing materials as they are moving house next week. Both visits were brief, especially the second as S&E were out so the bubble-wrap was left in their garden for them to retrieve later.

We headed home and I recruited TP's assistance to lift the Enfield from it's stand with the aim of fitting the side stand and foot rests. As soon as I attempted to manoeuvre the bike it was apparent that something was amiss. The steering was horrible. Now that the full weight of the bike was supported by the steering head the steering had a definite notchiness. The bearings had looked fine during reassembly but are obviously shagged. I contemplated the several steps that would need to be retraced in order to remove the bearings and replace them … Fuck it!

I fitted the stand and foot pegs and then retired to the sofa with an iPad to research my bearing options. Did I say "Bollocks"?

A full day

Today seemed to be non-stop.

I hit the laptop around nine o'clock and was straight on to the weekly team call.I lingered there until around quarter past ten when I needed to stop, step away from my laptop, drag a razor around my face, throw on some business casual clothes, grab a set of notes and a few other necessities and head out of the door.

I then had to follow a circuitous route, as a result of roadworks, to the Dentist where I had a check up and scale. All seemed to be going well until she took a peep at one of the x-rays and it appears that a filling is in order and that may be followed by a crown at some point later in the year.

Once free of the Dentist's chair I headed down the motorway to Worcester and found myself a parking spot on one of the campuses of Worcester University. The reason for this out of character visit to an educational establishment is as follows …

… My oldest and dearest friend; Moneypenny is a Humanities Lecturer at this establishment and way back in 2013 she collared me and asked if I would be willing to attend their 2014 Career Fest and give a short talk on my educational and employment history as I was, apparently, a perfect example of those people who didn't know what they wanted to do for a living after leaving school.

I gave the talk in January 2014 and they either liked it or couldn't find anyone else because I was invited back to give a repeat performance today. I was bloody lucky that I had been diligent and had typed up my notes from my 2014 talk as this week had been very busy and had not had time to prepare. I ended up spending an hour sat in the car park; reviewing my material and jotting down a few additional thoughts as I waited for the session to kick off.

The talk went well and the staff and audience seemed to like the material that I had presented so by four o'clock I was able to escape and head back towards The Pile …

… I wandered in to the house and was greeted by 30% and the dogs and was about to head upstairs to get changed when 30% commented that I would be getting back in to much the same clothes in an hour's time. I had totally forgotten that we had been invited out for dinner this evening with 30%'s Mum and Dad. I revised my plan, remained in my clothes and pottered for an hour which basically involved putting a second coat of paint on my indicator brackets.

30% and I then headed out, taking a minor detour via Tesco to collect my new spectacles from their Optician's department. Our final destination was Redditch College, which has a full restaurant facility that opens each Thursday evening to allow their catering students to practice on real, live people. This evening they were serving a Burns Night Supper and I have to report that it was absolutely gorgeous.

The menu was five course in length and my choices were as follows:-

Scallops and Black Pudding salad

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Cockaleekie soup

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Haggis and Neeps

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Pan Fried Duck Breast served with an Orange Clootie Dumpling and a choice of vegetables

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Bread and Butter Pudding

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Coffee and Petit Fours

I simply could not fault the meal. It was lovely and we had a lively evening, lubricated by wine, catching up on each others' news.

Mind You, by the time we got home I was glad to slip in to my pit. I was shattered.

I did manage some work this morning

After spending two days with a 'phone glued to my ear it was something of a relief to only have this afternoon taken up with conference calls.

I was therefore able to spend the morning clearing my inbox and progressing my latest batch of projects. As I sifted through my mail it became apparent that yesterday's review decision had been reversed and one of my projects is now able to move forward unhindered … so that one will probably be crossed off my list in the next day or so. The rest all need nudging forward but tomorrow is already blocked out with appointments so it looks like it will be Friday before I do any work this week!

On the bike front the 130 mm M8 stainless steel bolts arrived in the post this morning so I was finally able to fit the sump guard to the underside of the Enfield's engine. I now just need to grab some of TP's time and I can get the side stand and foot rests fitted.

The ongoing task this week has been to refurbish the front indicator brackets. The original plan was to mount the front indicators either side of the casquette but a redesign was necessary when they were held in position and a) looked shite, b) would be a pig to mount and c) were unlikely to conceal the holes drilled in the casquette to mount the now junked windshield. It was therefore necessary to trawl through a box of rusty junk, retrieve the indicator brackets, clean them up and repaint them so they can be re-affixed to the bike. They need another coat or two of paint but should be bolted back on at the weekend too.

Give me Strength

Today was very much like yesterday.

By eight o'clock I was dialled in to the conference bridge and endured several hours of one of the most blatant job creation schemes I have ever witnessed.* There was much talk of structure and governance and very little focus on identification of requirements and the necessary technical solutions needed to address them. If I am any judge this programme will not be completed before the current Master Services Agreement expires in three years time. There were no references to low hanging fruit, proofs of concept or  quick wins that one would normally expect to hear, particularly when, as in this case, this shit is about to hit the fan.

I was able to exit the workshop early as I had a review call to attend. I would have liked to use the term light relief  in relation to that review call but it soon became apparent that clueless clusterfuck was far more appropriate. Our request was to deploy a certain feature on a device and we were told in no uncertain terms that, while it was feasible, it was not officially sanctioned and we were on our own if we deployed it … in other words we would have to provide full support for the devices. However, on the call and in a flurry of mails that followed, it became apparent that the feature is not only used, it looks like it has official sanction too. This suggests that the Reviewers have about as much knowledge on the subject as I do.**

Give me strength!

Eventually the day ended and I did what any sane person would do … I emptied the bottle of Gordons in to a glass and added a slug of tonic to take the edge of it … aah!

As for the Enfield; the tennis balls were attached to the handlebars,*** the brake caliper was bolted to the fork slider and the headlight rim was attached to the casquette. Today's technical conundrum was how to disguise the holes in the casquette left after removing the ridiculous screen. The solution is likely to involve the original mounting spacers and some stainless steel socket cap screws …I just hope it works.

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* Call me cynical but many of the key team members are highly paid Contractors and they are not particularly well managed. They have very much been left to do their own thing and I think that lucrative procrastination tends to neatly define their modus operandi.
** and that is frightening an order of magnitude beyond petrifying
*** This is obviously temporary but does make it look a little like a circus clown bike

I need a couple of tennis balls

Today was not fun.

As a result of a very late invitation to a workshop in The Hague, my travel request had been declined. The impact of the refusal was that I was required to dial in to a conference call at eight o'clock this morning and spend the bulk of the day with a headset clamped to my skull.

I did my best to follow the narrative but there were occasions when many, garbled voices made the discourse unintelligible. To make matters worse I am scheduled to do the same tomorrow.

As five o'clock drew near the workshop closed for the day and I finally escaped from the laptop. My only real break had been from eleven until twelve* when I clamped the handlebars to the Enfield. This activity meant that TP was given an additional mission when he took Whiffler for a run around the local playing field … I asked him to check the long grass near the tennis club and bring me back a couple of tennis balls if he found any.

My luck was in and he returned not only with a pair of tennis balls, but also a football that will give the dogs a huge amount of fun. I scrubbed the worst of the grime from the balls and put them in a warm place to dry off.

30% and I then gathered up Whiffler and a variety of doggy accessories and headed off to puppy training … I'm not really sure why we bothered as he was a headstrong little bugger that was far more interested in his classmates than on performing as requested. To be fair he wasn't a total disaster but it is fair to say that he was easily distracted.  It appears that the previous lesson had included a bitch that had just finished her season so it was quite possible that the hall had too many distracting scents this evening.

That just about covers my day … apart from explaining about the tennis balls. Motorcycle handlebars are like bull horns until the grips are attached. The balls will have a short slit made in each and be stuck on the end of the bars to minimise the risk of injury as work progresses.

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* Remember the workshop was operating on Central European Time so they lunch early.

For the want of a nail ...

Sunday was taken at a very leisurely pace.

Ten o'clock had passed before I had breakfasted, slipped on a coat and hat, gathered up the dogs and exited the house for a wander around the Three Miler for a walk…

… My timing was perfect, as I arrived home to find that the groceries had been delivered and put away in my absence and I needed to do little more than hose down the dogs legs' to remove the mud accumulated in the past hour.

My only must do had been accomplished and I had the rest of the day to do as I pleased. I therefore recruited TP's assistance, hefted the Enfield up on to blocks and fitted the front wheel. The plan was to follow this with the installation of the sump guard, side stand and foot rests but it soon became apparent that I needed a longer stud to fit the guard. Neither stand nor foot pegs could be fitted until the sump guard was in place so my plans for the afternoon were buggered.

I also seemed to be having real problems keeping my blood sugar high enough since returning from my walk so I shoved a custard tart in my mouth and headed for the sofa with a cup of coffee. The film I selected must have been very bad as I awoke a couple of hours later with one hell of a crick in my neck.

I was reluctant to allow a missing M8 stud to halt progress on the bike so I extracted the front mudguard and carrier from their wrappings and fitted them instead.

It definitely looks like a motorcycle now.

Burns Night Supper

30% and I had been hoping for an overnight frost and a walk around the crispy lanes with the dogs but, unfortunately, the weather did not oblige, instead of bright and frosty it was grey and damp.

Plans were therefore revised and I wandered out to the garage to deal with the rodent problem that has recently become apparent. I had purchased some rat bait and bait boxes last weekend from the local Feed Store and this morning I fabricated a couple of wooden stakes that would allow me to secure the bait boxes in the chicken runs and close to where we think the rats have their nest. These activities took an hour or so and all I need to do now is wait at least a week before checking the bait.

My must do task had now been crossed off my virtual to do list and I settled in the Hall with the Enfield … and that it what filled much of the day. By the time I halted and cleaned myself up I had fitted the forks, complete with gaiters and crown plate, and had also inserted a new ammeter in the casquette. I am hoping to secure some of TP's time tomorrow so that the front wheel and perhaps the side stand can be fitted.

This evening 30% and I had been invited to the VIllage Burns Night Supper. The venue is the pub down on the village green and at half past seven we wandered down the road and settled ourselves in The Old Bull. We had a pleasant evening and, whilst the portions were modest, the food was lovely. The highlights were the cockaleekie soup and the haggis itself, which was magnificent.

Glad it's Friday

Today's significant news is that next week's trip to The Hague isn't going to happen.

They key approver declined mine and my colleague's applications on the basis that they were "too late". Our Manager is well aware that we applied as soon as we were invited, so there is no fault on our part. The net result is that Monday, and possibly Tuesday,  will be spent half listening to a workshop using conference 'phone facilities.* Rest assured that the workshop Organiser was made aware that they had not given us sufficient notice for our attendance. It is somewhat ironic that he sees us as key attendees.

I cancelled my hotel booking and spent the day actually gaining traction on a couple of projects and planning next week's activities. I won't go in to details, it would not make gripping narrative.

I am waiting for a couple of parts for the Enfield so the only attention it received today was the occasional admiring glance as I wandered past.  The evening was spent in front of the fire on the sofa and, as it says in the title; I'm very glad it is Friday as the transition from idling to high speed is quite wearing.

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* Shoot me now! These are devices that have a superb ability to distance the audience from the debate and minimise their ability to concentrate and therefore participate. If you are sat in the room everyone can see what you are doing. If you are remote and the content is, shall we say, tedious who knows or cares if you slope off to the bathroom or check your emails or eBay auctions.

Today was a hard slog

It should come as no surprise that work was not going to be fun today.

I had two meetings to minute with a combined duration of three hours. That equated to nine pages of scrawled notes and a very good memory to construct versions of the truth that both my Boss and I would be happy with. It was an arduous task that took a significant proportion of the day and it was necessary to reward myself to maintain any level of motivation …

… towards lunch time the postman arrived and delivered the bushings for the Enfield's short fork cover tubes. I treated myself to a twenty minute break, fitted the bushings in to the cover tubes and jiggled them into place to connect the steering stem to the casquette.

 I thought I would now be in a position to insert the forks and took a moment to check a clamping bolt that fits inside the casquette. This produced a series of expletives as it became apparent that during the original assembly of the bike the idiots had managed to knacker the threads and another few quid needed to be shelled out to order a replacement. It is not the cost that is annoying, it is the delay while I wait for the part to arrive.

I scurried back to the study, ordered the part and settled to finish the day's work. By the time I had cleared the decks I was brain dead. This working for a living is taking some getting used to after being short of work for so long.

After along day of concentration I didn't feel like doing anything more than slumping on the sofa, but I am working on the principal that completion of even the smallest job progresses the bike slowly forward. A small step is better than nothing at all. As a consequence I braved the cold of the garage, disconnected the Regulator/Rectifier unit from the loom and installed it on the bike.

I might actually get some work done tomorrow rather than just writing about what we need to do.

Busy, busy, busy

For the first time in 2015 I actually tidied myself up and dragged my sorry arse in to the nearest Depot.

I needed to hold an initial fact finding call on a new project and two of the SMEs work in the same areas as me so I schlepped in to work to have a face to face.

I have to be honest and confess that I was not in the office at the crack of dawn and actually delayed my trip in to work so that 30% and I could have a site meeting with the Local Authority Tree Officer …

… we plan to rebuild the garden wall* and the works could possibly impact the two Yew Trees, both of which have TPOs** on them. We have a sound relationship with the Tree Officer as she lives just down the road and knows the trees well. She is more than happy with our plans and approach and simply needs to inform the Planning Authorities, then we can make a start.***

With that negotiation accomplished I headed in to work and had a fairly busy morning that included submission of expenses, a hair cut and some actual proper work. My afternoon included four hours of meetings and I was required to minute three hours of those discussions. I will point out that my Boss was hosting a two hour meeting and asked me to minute it for him. I don't mind, but it is actually quite a significant task to summarise 120 minutes of technical discussion and it will take me a good couple of hours tomorrow to complete the task. I know why he asked me; a) he want us to cover our arses on the latest project, b) he is on vacation tomorrow and c) he knows my minutes are bloody fantastic.

It is fair to say that I was knackered by the time I got home and did very little this evening. I am also aware that I have two sets of minutes to draft tomorrow before I even make a start on the actions I have been assigned.

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* A much more significant task than it appears as the wall is more than 20m in length and is a retaining wall as our garden ground level is about 1.5m higher than that of the road it adjoins.
** Tree Preservation Orders
*** Once we get and agree a quote for the work