A change in the weather.

My mood matches the weather today - overcast, grey clouds, a little sullen perhaps.

A few entries back I boldly stated, or should that be "stated boldly" ? - that I wouldn't be mentioning work as it was hard to make it interesting to a reader with no actual investment in the Organisation. You didn't beleve me did you?

Well the Imp's Skidmark has been on form today. I had three emails from him. Every one of them, and I am not exaggerating, had been answered, prior to their issue by me over the past few days. He was, of course, on the distribution lists of these mails. I tried talking to his Senior PM but "birds of a feather...."

In the end I decided to reply to each of his mails embedding a pdf of the earlier mail where I had answered the questions he was now asking. I had responded to all three by 9.30 this morning.

Funnily enough I have had quite a quiet day today.

Other stuff: It is Step Mum's birthday today she will be 412 in cat years. I don't think I ever properly grasped that one. "How old us your dog?" "He is 9, which is 63 in dog years". No its not. It is 9 years. Your dog is not on a planet that is rotating round the sun 7 times faster than the one I am on, and the last time I looked the definition of a year was in the region of 365 days or the period of time it takes the Earth to complete a full orbit of the Sun.

What is happening here is that they are trying to equate the age of a dog with the age of a human so you can work out when it is likely to go and scorch patches on the Elysian Fields.

This is where it gets interesting - vaguely - not really interesting. For most mammals their lifespan is approximately 1.5 Billion Heart beats. The reason that mammals have different lifespans when measured in years is all down to body size. The smaller the animal the faster the heart beats and hence the shorter its life when measured as a unit of time.

The only exception to this is Human Beings as medical advances have allowed us to live longer than our body size would suggest. So, going full circle - comparing a dog's life span to a humans is a bit odd.

Success at last.

I forgot to mention that it was the Village Horse Show on Saturday. I had absolutely no intention of going as I am not a great fan of the horse. That has a lot to do with a pushy, horsey Mother but I'm not going to go in to that now. I just need to state that I can ride, but don't.

I have a great respect for working horses but I just cannot see the point of hacking..... and how bloody miserable do they look as you crawl past at 4 miles  per hour. Why do something if it makes you that unhappy? I'm not sure if it is a regional thing but the women and girls (never, actually very rarely, men) who hack around here look as miserable as sin.

Anyway, another digression, I had no intention of going but I was walking Tyson & Marauder on Friday evening and we happened across a Gentleman with two aged Collies. He asked if we were planning to enter them in the Dog Show that was in the Schedule of the aforementioned Horsey Extravaganza - thus the seed was sown.

I mentioned it to 30% and she thought it was a marvelous idea and I could see that it was going to get me out of at least 2 hours of emulsioning so obviously I was all for it.

The weather was splendid and the afternoon could only have been better if there had been a beer tent. Marauder came third in the Puppy class and Tyson stormed through to win the Dog in best condition. How she managed to not get a place in the Puppy class but win another class hands down does question the Judges objective set of criteria but I'm not going to dwell.

We drove home - too damned hot to walk and bathed in T&M's reflected Glory. 30% was considering making an official complaint as the dog that won best in show was from Stourport which is over 20 miles away and therefore not local - "Leave it 30, they're not worth it"......

.... plus they are going to regret getting a St Bernard when they realise it is basically a drool machine. I hate slobbery dogs - Sell-by-date take note!

Where are they now?

Today, for some reason, I found myself with an urgent desire to track down the Mice from the Marvellous Mechanical Mouse Organ that used to appear on 1970s Children's TV Series Bagpuss.

Now I bet you are all thinking Bagpuss; Saggy, cloth cat, baggy and a bit loose at the seams - Yeah Right! That is all "front". He was an evil manipulator that made Jabba the Hutt look like a thoroughly decent fellow - that stuff with Han Solo and the carbonite was all a misunderstanding that was sorted out over a few drinks a long time ago ....... in a Galaxy far, far away.

Sorry, bit of a digression, back to Bagpuss - That shop was a front for all sorts of  criminal activity including drugs and prostitution, Why do you think that you never saw much of Emily in any of the episodes? She was too busy upstairs "earning" to pay for Bagpuss's opium habit.

If you look closely at the character you can see that they are all nefarious individuals; Madeleine - Brothel Madame, Gabriel - a Drunk Musician and Professor Yaffle - a Gay Intellectual that amuses Bagpuss or Don Bagpuss as he is better known.....

..... and now to the Mice, that evil cloth cat had them hooked on drugs and enslaved them to work for him in that sham shop; fixing thing and putting them in the window for their owners to find and collect. What sort of Business Model is that? How can you run an Organisation with approximately 10 employees, that we know off, with no apparent income. It just doesn't add up. That cat was up to something - something VERY BAD.

Well I can report that every dog has his day and that dog was Shep. With little to do when not on the Blue Peter set he used to Moonlight as a Sniffer Dog for "The Met" and Don Bagpuss was one of his first major Busts. The Don was put away for a long time. Personally I think that he should have gone to "the Chair" but they could never get anyone to testify to the allegations about the Clangers "sleeping with the fishes".

Madeleine did a 10 year stretch in Holloway which was reduced to 3 after she spilled the Beans about Magpie hostess Jennie Hanley.

Yes, the Mice, they did OK - after rehab they took to the High Seas and became Pirates. They fashioned a Long ship from a Nike Training Shoe using the lace holes for the oars and can be seen locally when the stream is high singing in their high pitched voices......

"we will rape and we will pillage,
we will burn your bloody village ...."

I love a happy ending.

Thumbs Up

I forgot to mention that the Customer Services Team at Dualit deserve a vote of gratitude as the Bean Hopper for the coffee grinder has turned up.

I can now remove the large bandage holding a soggy wodge of coffee grinds against my skin. I was hoping it would work in a similar way to an HRT Patch.

I have had positive experiences with this Company before. Six months ago our Toaster  failed. It was about 20 months old and outside the warranty period. I called Dualit to see whether it could be repaired and the Lady at the end of the line simply asked what colour it was and where I lived. She then promptly sent out another unit.

I was amazed and it is a classic example of how much higher we rate a company when we see how well it responds to a problem. Apparently we will rate such an organisation higher than one that gives consistently good service. I have a 40 year old Kenwood Blender that is fantastic. It never misses a beat and I really rate them but Dualit sits higher in my Consumer Consciousness because of their Customer Service.

Incidentally, 30% smashed the Liquidiser on the Kenwood - she breaks all of my Kitchen toys :-(

All Sorts

Well Yesterday was somewhat monopolised by a lesser Demon from Dante's Inferno. No, he is not even worth the title Demon, Imp's skid mark is probably more appropriate. I spent the day being told stuff that I had told him and his two predecessors, and their Managers, weeks if not months before.

They have finally got the message. I don't understand why it takes so long. I'm mean I am not allowed to punch them in the head and recite the problem with each syllable being timed to a punch. Apparently we have a code of conduct which prevent this educational approach. I am therefore left to produce PowerPoint Presentations, E-mails and documents to describe the issue.

Now I'm not in the same galaxy as professional writers but I can string a few paragraphs together and one of my readers was complimentary about a succinct analysis I recently made in the Journal so I do not understand why it takes months for a real problem to be recognised.

Actually I do. I have had the pleasure to work with some really good Project Managers in my time all very different but all very good. This is not one of those occasions.

So, Yesterday, a 13 hour working day including an hour spent on the M25 travelling 11 miles. Most of the hour was actually spent travelling the first 7 of these. How do you think I handled that? ....

... actually it was OK. The Prius is nice and high and allows me to peer in to peoples cars and I just munched a load of chocolate and crisps and watched the world crawl while I listened to Radio 4.

The only thing that jars is that, by the time you get home and eat, there is very little of the day left for me. I don't count 6 hours in the car as "me time".

Also no Red Kites.

Today, I have found my Mojo and have had a good day pinning things down and getting them passed to the people who need to know, reviewing materials and pointing out how it can be improved. Real work and I feel that I have actually made a difference as compared to yesterday where I am banging my head against an immovable object - My PMs Evolutionary quotient.

You might ask what an Evolutionary Quotient is. I have just invented it. It is a number that indicates how far up the evolutionary tree one is. All species should have an EQ value of 100 i.e. 100 represents that you are 100 percent human or 100% E. coli.  My PM is about 42. In other words Eddy could probably do a better job.

You are probably guessing that I'm not too enamuored with him - and you would be right

Back to today  - I got loads done and had an enjoyable lunch with Dad - he brought home made Tomato soup over and we had a lovely time chatting and keeping up with each others news. He is really excited about his forthcoming birthday present. He doesn't say but I know he is. It will only be three or four weeks more before his puppy arrives and you can see from the way he interacts with Tyson and Marauder how keen he is to have a dog back in his life.

We talked about when I was a child and the Dogs he had then and before; Peggy the ratter and Lassie, Lulu and Fly the three working Border Collie Bitches that my Grandfather had when I was young. Apparently Fly was the best of these and cost £40 back in the early 1960s. That was a lot of money for a dog in those days but she was trained by a local Stock-man and apparently was unbelievable with Cattle and Sheep.

We also pinned down a saying that I recalled from my childhood but wasn't too clear on the details. I have a memory of my Grandfather saying that if you were looking to buy a piece of land you should first tie a donkey to the biggest thistle in the field.

What? I can almost hear you. Basically thistles are deep rooted and like good soil. If the soil is poor or there is bed rock just beneath the surface the thistles will not be good specimens and the Donkey will be left without a tether.

So that is just about it. TP had a successful Sports Day yesterday with two firsts in the 100m and Hurdles and a third in the 800m. I am obviously very proud as I am with the recent School Report which was so good that he actually got the XBox controls returned and I think that the IPod Touch privileges will be reinstated shortly too.

Torn... ?

Today the Other Bike was finally discharged from the Ward and I went and picked her up. Thanks Dad - you are obviously never too old to give your Kids a lift.

She is still lovely and managed to turn a head at the Workshop despite being 15 years old. Now the Vespa is a wild and torrid beast of a Bike and is approached with a feeling of apprehension every time she is ridden*. The Other Bike is completely different. She delights every time and you know that she will give you a fantastic ride but there are no "butterflies". That is not to say that she is boring, far from it but she instills confidence not awe. 

So I feel very differently about her than I do towards the Vespa but in no way is she a wall flower or second rate. She is Japanese in origin and will start every time, she will run forever if serviced properly, if it rains she will shrug it off and will not fall into a pile of rust overnight after the aforementioned downpour. She is the practical one. Comfortable, she will take you to the top of the Country and you wont need a Chiropractor at the end of the trip. She is the practical one. The Vespa is the High Maintenance option. Both are great, just different.

There is no Readers Wife/Supermodel differentiation going on here. If you are half way up Mount Kilimanjaro and there is a camp that needs setting up before the Heavens open - do you want your chosen Life Partner or Naomi Campbell helping out?

The Service and MOT Bill was incredibly low so a big thumbs up to Chris at Redditch Motorcycles. He decided, after a road test to leave the original rubber on as the tires are performing fine. That saved me the best part of £250. Definitely the way to encourage people to come back and explains why he is so busy.

This evening I took TP for his first ever pillion ride. We took it nice and steady and he absolutely loved it. I think it helped that two of his School Mates were passing as he climbed aboard. I asked him if his Cool Rating had risen or plummeted as a result of being spotted. "Definitely risen" was his response.

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* The feeling afterwards generally tends to be along the lines of "What a Rush" or " Die you Dawdling Gits"

A Fair Day

Today has been spent in a Conference hosted by Dante's most senior Demon in this fair isle.

On the whole it was an enjoyable day but it was very high on glossy presentation and incredibly low on tangible deliverables. I suppose this makes it easy for the senior demons to declare it a success.

I wonder where this cynicism has come from? It may be because these initiatives are a pretty regular occurrence and change tends to be fairly minimal as a result. I feel that I should say "thus far" in case this time they really mean that it, but in an Organisation the size of Dante's fundamental change is all but impossible and dilution of ideas and objectives is a fact of life.

On a more positive note I met a few new people and some of the Presentations were of relevance to the new role that I will be taking on in a couple of months time. So I left at the end of the day in a positive frame of mind.

I got home and picked up a message from the Other Bike's GP who had called to advise that all is well, MOT has been sorted and new rubber has been applied front and rear. A quick call to Dad was made and a lift has been arranged so I can go and collect her tomorrow.

TP will be delighted but in the incredibly nonchalant way that is necessary for a teenager in these modern times. "Cool" is about the most I can expect from him but I did get a "Thanks" when his leathers arrived today. He is very off hand about it but I know that he is really keen to get out on the Bike and he spent a good few minutes trying on his new attire and ensuring that both helmet and gloves worked as an ensemble.

So I will bid you Good Evening at the end of a Day where nothing much really happened but fortunately the little that did occur was all relatively good.

I'm not dead.

30% and I were discussing something this evening and we had one of those "jinx" moments where we both think and say the same thing. I can't recall what it was and it really doesn't matter. We have them a lot as we are very similar in a lot of ways.

But I digress, I said " I am like an open book to you" and she replied "possibly a pamphlet" and then revised this down to "actually probably more like an open comic". We laughed and that was a good start to the evening.

Both of our days have been frustrating and it is so nice to spend the evening taking supper in the garden and then just relaxing away from the posturing and game playing of the work environment.

Both of our Employers have recently undergone a culling process and this has had effects that may not have been quantified or expected. Many of the survivors seem to be suffering a form of battle fatigue having been on notice of possible redundancy for 3 months and having been notified that they are safe are now tired as a result of the stress and have a questioning outlook having been forced to consider their job role and what to do if they are forced to consider pastures new.

Basically they have undergone a period of self examination combined with a review of their working life and what it actually means to them. It comes as no surprise to me to talk to people that are less committed than they might have been previously.

That is why it is so good to have 30% come home and to be able to laugh and switch off.

So, what have I been doing since my last entry? Well I suppose I need to state that this is my Journal and if things are mundane or bogged down with work there is not much point in jotting it down. Do I want to look back at this in 6 months time and see oblique references to a tit of a Project Manager who is now long gone?

No, not really and I am sure that they will mean even less to you, if you are out there, so if the day is dull I will try to find something that is worthwhile but if not - no entry. The post about the Red Kites a couple of days back is a good example. The working day was long and left little time for anything else. The Kites were a high point that perhaps could mean something to a casual reader and, if I look back, the memory of them soaring above the Motorway is a better thing to hold on to than a debate about the technical intricacies of a long dead project.

So, what have I been up to? Well the weekend saw me take another crack at the lawn that has been mercilessly attacked by Tyson & Marauder. I hope that, as they are nearly ready to go on to adult dog food, the lower protein level will result in less scorch marks on the lawn.

So, I'm an open comic. I'd hope it was like Wilf in The Bash Street Kids but it is more likely to be something out of Bunty.

I forgot to mention.....

This talk of wild life has reminded me that the Bear may have returned to the locality.

I went to stroke Eddy a couple of days ago and he pulled his head away. This is very unusual as Eddy is one of those cats that loves to have his ears scratched and his cheeks rubbed. On closer inspection I could see that he had two nasty gashes on his head; one at the base of his left ear and the other above the right eye.

His claws are a little ragged too.

He has either been involved in a major scrap or has forgotten that cars are harder than cats. I really hope its just a bad fight as he really has used up all of his nine lives. With just three legs he cannot afford to damage any of his remaining limbs.

On the plus side his wounds are all superficial and are healing well - but then again cat bites tend to get infected, car wounds are less likely to.

Yesterday, and the day before.

Yesterday saw my working day start at 7.30 in the morning. Not a leisurely perusal of emails but assembling a status report in preparation for a 9 o'clock call.

"Why didn't you do it earlier?" I hear the scathing questioners. I tried, oh yes, I tried. I asked for the updates 36 hours in advance, and reminded for them too, and my dear colleagues decided to drop them in at the last possible minute. Don't worry - I know who you are and am likely to be equally cooperative should the tables turn.

A call at 8 and another at 9 and then a shower and shave and a Journey South. I wont go in to boring detail but it was a long day.

I took the Prius which is never the first choice for a Motorway Journey* but the drivers seat is very high, not at truck level but at least at White Van heights, and so commands quite splendid views from the M40. The high point was to see the Red Kites circling over the surrounding fields searching for prey. Their distinctive curved Swallow tail makes them easy to identify and they are a spectacular site and very common nowadays. Here in bad man's locality Buzzards are the re-surging bird of prey but it is reported that the Kites are making a comeback here too although I am yet to spot one locally.

I mentioned that a sausage making session was planned for Wednesday evening. This went well and we ended up with about 6.5 lbs of Black Pudding sausages and about 4 Lbs of Cajun sausages. Part of the process is to test fry a sample of the mix before stuffing to make sure that the seasoning is right. Wow! The Cajun recipe calls for Cayenne Pepper, Chili Powder, Garlic, Minced Onion, Salt, Black Pepper, Allspice and fresh Thyme as well as the contribution made by the Pig. They certainly hit the spot and it will be interesting to see what they are like once the flavours have had the chance to mingle and mature.

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* especially when Dante's mileage rate is taken in to consideration

Other stuff

The Other Bike's Doctor called this afternoon to advise that the carbs had been cleaned and it now runs beautifully but will only tick over on three cylinders.

The carbs will need to come off and be sent for Ultrasonic Cleaning.

Ho Hum! I suppose it is a good job the Vespa is Fuel Injection!

I'm guessing that it will be a week or more until the Other Bike is anywhere near ready. TP's Leathers may have arrived by then.

It has all got a bit culinary today.

Village Idiot called in yesterday evening and has again liberated a quantity of Rhubarb from one of his "customers" gardens and kindly given it to me.

I have called in a clean up squad and am pretty sure that the soft fruit * police will have problems pinning anything on me as a "Receiver" unless they read this Journal. The stems were prepped and stewed before breakfast and the the leaves are now in the compost heap. All of the implements have been washed and the Rhubarb is cooling before being packed in to the Freezer.

"You got nuffing on me Guv - that's been in there for months". I will be using the Cat's Brief if an arrest follows.

My lunch break saw me preparing a marinade for some Salmon steaks. I'm not a huge fan of the fish - unless smoked and served with soft scrambled eggs -  but letting it rest in a marinade comprising Oil, Garlic, Black Peppercorns, Salt, fresh Rosemary, Chili flakes and Worcester Sauce certainly improves it. I just grind all of the ingredients in a pestle and mortar and let the fish swim in that for as long as possible before baking or pan frying....

... a few New Potatoes and some fresh green beans and that is Supper sorted.

There will be more Foody stuff later as 30% has bought some shoulder of pork at a bargain price and the plan is to make a batch of Black Pudding Sausages this evening.

* Before the Pedants come rushing in, I know that Rhubarb is a leaf stem not a fruit and therefore more akin to Celery or Cale than Strawberries or Tomatoes which are true fruits.

R & R

Rest and recuperation.

I haven't mentioned the brave members of the Arachnid Special Forces for a while but I think its time to give you an update. They appear to have been on an extended period of R&R and possibly a further "R". In this instance the extra "r" stands for reproduction ....

.... one of my walks takes me across a piece of relatively unimproved pasture. Parts of the field are grazed and mown for silage but a reasonable chunk of the meadow is on a steep slope and is left for the rabbits. It's a lovely area of wild flowers and so steep that you tend to pause to take in the view whilst you catch your breath.

Today I noticed a quite amazing structure in the grasses. In fact, I noticed several. On the side of the hill adjacent to my path there were several small Spider Gazebos. At a height of about 10 inches from ground level about six or eight grass stems had been pulled together and held fast with spider silk. This living teepee frame had then been covered with a sheet of the finest web to form a cover and there inside this Spider Tent, suspended at the apex was a pea sized egg cluster, again shrouded in silk.

It may be a Nursery Web Spider (Pisaura mirabilis) but I am far from an expert just fascinated to see these delicate little structures amongst the grasses.

A brief mention from Pedants corner - it should be noted that I have referred to these shelters as teepees and not wigwams because the two are entirely different types of shelter and not synonymous as many think.

Jigsaw Puzzle

This morning saw me sitting cross legged assembling shards of bean hopper with Gaffer Tape. If I had been capable of coherence I would have seen the similarity to a Junkie gathering the scant grains of heroin from discarded wraps.

I must have my fix.

Roll on three o'clock

Yep, can't wait - most of England will be suffering existential angst in front of a television which means that the roads will be relatively traffic free.

I can therefore live my life and take control of its direction .....

... which will be bloody quickly down the bypass and off down the twisty bits.

Possible Grounds for Divorce

The title of this post is one of the worst puns I have ever come up with and I have to admit that I am not a fan of the pun preferring extreme sarcasm, irony or surreal. Apologies.

30% has knocked over the coffee grinder whilst vacuuming and has broken the bean hopper. I remained calm, stern, but calm and rapidly sent an enquiry over to Dualit about their emergency services and dispatch of spares.

You probably don't realise how serious this is but we are talking a critical component of a life support system.

I am extremely concerned to note that Dualit don't dispatch in under 24 hours and will only commit to responding to my enquiry in the next 5 days! What the hell do they think I am going to do until this is resolved? Drink instant coffee. ARE THEY BLOODY INSANE?

I would rather have a dusty floor than no coffee.

I am currently taking shallow breaths with a brown paper bag over my mouth and nose. ITS NOT WORKING!

Saturday Morning

I am drinking my first cup of coffee of the day and Tyson is stood next to me barking in a " there's a child injured at the bottom of the well" sort of way.

We don't have a well and the back door is open. I return to my coffee and Tyson takes a light breakfast.

I hope the child is OK.

A change of pace

What a lovely day.

The weekend is here - nothing special planned and hopefully I will be popping down to Camelot HQ on Monday to pick up a big cardboard cheque rather than be sitting in front of an e-mail application.

What a great way to reject a meeting. " Sorry I'd love to attend but the Sun will be taking a photograph of me accepting a large cardboard cheque presented by a C-List celebrity at the time you have asked me to review your project plan. Rgds a bad man".

Back to reality, had a lovely evening walk and 30% was home in time to accompany me. Tyson is a little willful at the moment and I am guessing it is her hormones. A little troubling that she is charging off at present and ignoring shouts.whistles and claps to attract her attention and call her back. Typical Woman really - does what she wants, when she wants. I have obviously brought her up properly and Ms Greer and associates will be congratulating Tyson for her decision to take control of her life and not be constrained by the directions of a man she lives with chooses to share her life with..

Women's Rights for dogs. I never thought I'd reach that point when I started typing this entry. If any of this looks planned that is coincidence or good fortune. Elements of it may be loosely strung together when I am walking the dogs or stuck on the call from hell but a lot of the time I just start with a blank page and go for it.

Obviously with the weather so splendid at the moment I need to give another salute to my hat which is performing its fine weather duties of shielding my eyes and neck from the sun superbly. A brief nod to Stetson Hats - that's it end of product placement.

This entry is totally back to front as today started with me doing my normal morning routine plus knocking up a Rhubarb Compote - stewing a few Rhubarb stems - that Village Idiot dropped off last night. I love Rhubarb and VI had brought over a dozen or so stalks that he had liberated from a garden that he is supposed to be watering while its owner is away on their hols.

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth these are now stewed in their own juices with a couple of desert spoons of sugar and are living in the fridge. They will go nicely with a scoop of vanilla ice cream or what ever else I can find in there. Easy, lovely and free.

A Thai curry for dinner accompanied by a Couple of Beers - Leffe Blonde - end of product placement and the weekend has truly started.

Distance Travelled

Yesterdays entry got me thinking about my family and I only need to go back a generation or two to see how fast the world is changing.

My Grandfather - that's two generations back. He was born in rural Herefordshire on a small farm and was a butcher and cobbler by trade. Fair enough you might say but I have seen one of the first pairs of boots he ever made. He was 9 or 10 years of age and the boot is tiny. My Dad still has it wrapped in an oily cloth to preserver it against the ravages of time. It is now more than 100 years old. He was in the army of occupation after the first world war and apparently filled his pockets with as much German loot as he could find and put it to good use setting himself up as a Market Gardener in the Vale of Evesham between the wars. The second world war was good for him too; shipping veg up to Scotland and illicit cargoes of whisky on the way back. He was never one to miss out on a deal and he wasn't too concerned about the legalities.

He decided that Market Gardening was too labour intensive and went in to Dairy Farming so that was the world I was born in to.

Do you see what I mean? The world I was born in to is completely different to the world I now inhabit and the world that pays my mortgage. Much of my background is alien to the majority of my colleagues. Hedge Laying, castrating lambs and docking their tails, weaning calves from the teat to the bucket, a pig in the sty that is reared for the freezer, haymaking. All of this is me and my Dad and my Grandad. Is it my son?

He loves village life and he is interested in rural life. He will pluck a chicken and has no problem eating it afterwards but there is a disconnect between him and his Grandfather that I feel is larger than the disconnect between me and mine. I know that there will always be change between the generations and I am not the same as my antecedents.

It is just that yesterday's post brought to the surface the journey from an Agricultural / Rural past to a  Commerce / Tech / Rural  present. Imagine referring to a latecomer to a meeting as "Winchcombe" as they hurry in and forget to shut the door behind them.

On a completely different tack, as I strode round the "Three Miler" this evening with T&M I paused and thought how little I would actually move if I didn't have the dogs. Working at home may save a large amount of travelling time and pollute the planet less but it is hardly good for the heart or the waistline. How far would I actually move if I didn't walk the dogs?

Well, the Three Miler is in the region of 5,200 yards if the local name for the walk is anywhere accurate. It takes me just over an hour but I have added bits to it and have created diversions over the fields and up the hill so I'm guessing that based on my rate of walking that is in the region of 3 miles. If I can be arsed I will dig out the Sat Nav one day and take it with me to see if it can get a more accurate distance.

If I didn't do that and worked from home there would be no walk from the car park to the office, the canteen at work is much further than the Coffee machine at home as are the lavatories etc etc. Do you see where I am going? I jotted down these estimates and the result is embarrassing:-

• making coffee. 10 cups @ 16 yard return journey. 160 yards
• WC visits. 5 visits @ 20 yard return journey. 100 yards
• Letting out the chickens. 80 yards
• Egg Collecting. 2 visits at 40 yards each. 80 yards
• Shutting up the chickens 80 yards
• Miscellaneous pottering. 200 yards

 Total Perambulation = somewhere in the region of 700 yards.

That's quite scary. Basically if I didn't have Tyson and Marauder I would need to keep to 7 kilo calories a day or they would be taking me out of here on a forklift and retrieving TV remotes from the folds for the next few weeks.

I dare you to carry out a few honest calcs of your own. Home working may be great for the planet but be careful as it may not be so good for you.

Dads & Daughters

I don't have a daughter, but my Dad does and he used to recite a rhyme; " A Son is a Son until he finds a wife But your Daughter is a Daughter for the rest of your life".

I suppose it is a commentary on the fact that sons tend to be less involved with their birth family once they marry and have one of their own whilst daughters tend to maintain a strong link with their birth family even after marriage.

Why do I type this? Maybe it is a way of recording something of my Dad. He has many sayings including the classic "You will lie in bed until the crows build a nest in your arse, and then you will wake and wonder how the sticks got there". I could go on at length, including the incredibly local "Oi Winchcombe put the wood in the 'ole!" which relates to a village near where he was born where the houses on the main street all had stable doors and the habit was to leave the top door open so that the passing world could be observed. The phrase is used now to refer to an individual who enters or leaves without closing the door.

He deserves a book rather than a Journal entry and I need to think long and hard before I attempt to put something worthy of him in here. He is a great Dad. He has his faults and failings and can be incredibly annoying at times but he is a great Dad and I need to do him justice. That is a good word because good and bad, something that reflect him in balance.

This week we finally sorted his birthday present. As I mentioned, a couple of days back, Dad has decided, 15 years after the loss of Patch, the family JRT, to have another dog. We - or rather 30% - has located the right breed, the right sex and the right colour and she will be ready literally days before his birthday. She is bred by Tyson's breeder so there is no concern over Puppy Farms or any of the many pitfalls of buying a dog nowadays. A deposit was sent off yesterday - by 30% - to reserve her and Dad was advised to only expect a card for the next 5 years or more.

You will note that 30% seemed to do much of this present sorting. Another of my Dad's sayings is "Why have a dog and bark yourself". For some reason I seem to have developed a sharp pain in my side. That would be 30% reading over my shoulder.

On the subject of dogs, Tyson has come in to her first season so we are excluded from Puppy Training for the next couple of weeks. It can be chaos with 14 or more puppies so imagine what the presence of a young bitch on heat would do!

Puppy class is on Tuesdays and Tyson's maturation was a perfect excuse not to go after a  long day with the customer. I did however manage to demonstrate a new level of meeting etiquette yesterday. I know that I stated that I don't write about work because it is not that interesting but this was mildly amusing.... after presenting to an assembled group for 3 hours I felt a little light headed and started to sweat profusely. I paused, and while the debate about delivery timescales progressed, I took my blood sugar with a portable kit that I carry. Hmm! 2.9 - no wonder I feel vague it should be 5 or slightly higher. That's being a diabetic and not having a break.

I closed my laptop, placed it in it bag and informed the meeting that I was diabetic, that my blood sugar had plummeted and that I needed to leave and eat adding that if I carried on I would make less sense than I had thus far.

That's one way to leave a meeting - especially when you are the lead speaker! Apparently it diffused the tension somewhat and stopped a productive session turning bad.

I'm guessing that its not a tactic that I can use on a regular basis though.